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The Good Girl Dilemma

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One of the more interesting things I’ve noticed over the past few years has been the particular set of struggles and tribulations experienced by women whose moral code is the most influencing factor in their love life. These are women who desire romantic connections as deeply as anyone else but who also have a strict set of values they are trying desperately not to compromise in fulfilling those desires. It’s what I like to call “The Good Girl Dilemma.”

Good Girls can generally be split into four different categories – each with their own particular set of issues. In today’s post I want to take a look at the four and offer some advice for being or dealing with each.

1) The Angel

Typically, the Angel is someone who grew up in a religious household and therefore put their relationship with God before their relationship with anything else. Angels are beautiful. They are attractive for a number of reasons. First, it says something about their character that they are able to remain true to their core beliefs in the face of all the temptation that exists in the world. Also, the fact that Angels have very little relationship experience usually means they’re not completely jaded and disillusioned when it comes to men. They still believe in things like trust, fidelity, love’s ability to overcome and all that other awesomeness women lose sight of after male mistreatment. Angels also have their own issues that can make things difficult. Sometimes Angels can have trouble understanding the shortcomings of those less sanctified. Many people find faith, or a moral code later on in their life. The lives they’ve lived prior to that discovery may be filled with all manner of sin and debauchery. Some Angels just can’t accept this and that lack of acceptance can hinder relationships. Also, Angel’s inexperience in relationships may mean a lack of emotional and sexual maturity when in a relationship. If you’ve been in a few healthy relationships you learn how men and women communicate with each other what works, what doesn’t and how to make a relationship work. Saints can sometimes be clueless on this front. They can also be clueless in the bedroom which can lead to a whole other bag of issues.

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2) The Teeterer

The Teeterer is the woman who’s spent much of her life as an Angel, but is at a point where the loneliness and perceived hopelessness of her romantic situation are causing her to question the things she’s always known. I have a deep empathy for women reaching this point. You spend your whole life believing that if you do the right things and be the right person, eventually your soulmate will find his way to you. The truth is, in today’s society, that doesn’t always happen. When you see yourself rounding the corner of your late twenties and staring your 30’s in the eyes, but you still have the same amount of relationship experience that you had when you were 17, you might begin to have a bit of a crisis of faith. When every guy you’ve ever had any feelings for tells you “you’re too good for him” or “he doesn’t want to hurt you” or “he’s just not ready for someone like you” it can be a little disheartening. Especially if you’re watching all of your friends who are less morally inclined fall in love, or at the very least, have fun being single. At some point the Teeterer is always tested, maybe it’s a guy at work they like, or maybe it’s a guy from their past who reappears, or maybe it’s just a guy the meet in a club during a moment of weakness, at some point a test will come and how she responds will dictate a big part of the rest of her life.  If you’re a woman at this point remember that you are best at being you. You’re not going to be good at being someone else, so no matter how green the grass looks on the other side of the fence, be yourself. If you’re dealing with a woman at this point – know what you are and aren’t willing to give her from jump. Be man enough to let her know, early on, if you’re not what she’s looking for.

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3) The Good Girl Gone Bad

“But once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.”  This isn’t entirely true, but there’s some truth to it. Sometimes a Teeterer will fall and find herself in a relationship she knows she shouldn’t be in or doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing. When this happens, sometimes she’s able to summon her inner strength and fortitude and go back to being the woman she expects herself to be, and other times the rabbit hole is just too deep. Sometimes, she falls all the way in and the person she once knew may never be seen again. There’s no more tumultuous time in a human’s life than when a good girl decides to go bad. When a woman loses sight of or rejects the moral code with which she’s previously lived her life, all hell breaks loose and the outcomes are completely unpredictable and sometimes pretty sad. There’s lots of anger, sadness and guilt and those emotions express themselves in a myriad of ways.  If you’re dealing with a good girl gone bad, you need to understand that who she is now isn’t who she always was nor is it who she always will be. Contrary to popular belief, good girls gone bad often find their way home so it’s important to realize that you may not know or like the person they eventually become. You have to understand that you’re dealing with a woman in transition and relationships built during major life transitions rarely work. If you’re a good girl gone bad my only advice is that you protect yourself in all ways, and be self aware. Don’t just act, take the time to decide what you are willing to do and what you’re not willing to do based on whatever morality you’re currently living your life by. You don’t have to be who you were, but at least maintain a standard.

4) The Bad Girl Gone Good.

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“They say you can’t turn a bad girl good…” This too, is not entirely true. I’ve seen women change. And by change I mean, I’ve seen women go from living lives where what they will and won’t do is situational, to living lives where what they will and won’t do is decided by a value system strengthened way before any particular situation arises. It can happen, but it usually takes an extraordinary set of circumstances so dealing with this type woman means understanding and accepting those circumstances. If you’re dealing with a bad girl gone good, you have to understand that she’s probably seen a lot and experienced a lot as is therefore going to have a very low tolerance for male mischievousness.  You never know how much of herself she had to cauterize to make the changes she wanted to make, so her opening up to you- if she ever does- is a big deal. It’s a responsibility you need to know you’re accepting when you pursue a relationship with her. On the flip side, bad girls gone good make awesome people to be with if they’ve fully made the transition over to the good side. The know all of the bad girl tricks we men come to love but they now reserve them for you and only you.

Good girls, whether they were born good and remained, whether they fell and got back up, or whether they were born bad and became good are an interesting set of women to get to know and explore. Ladies, do you find yourself sitting in one of the categories above? What has your experience been like? Fellas, ever dealt with a good girl – what was that like? What have I missed. Feel free to over share in the comments.

Lastly, it looks like summer is coming early this year. When it gets hot the goons come out so always keep your eyes open, your head on a swivel and if it pops off …

Stay Low and Keep Firing.

Comment(100)

  1. As a single woman in her 30s, it's definitely not easy holding steadfast to your values. But to abandon them now would be like going to rehab and then falling off the wagon with a case of malt liquor. One thing that keeps me going is the ridiculous drama i've seen many of my friends encounter once they got impatient, desperate or downright thirsty.

    The good thing about being a (relative) angel, is that faith is paramount. True, it may not happen. But you can't think that way. Instead you think WHEN it happens, it's gonna be fabulous. As long as you hold steadfast to your beliefs. (and for me, if it somehow DOESN'T happen, it's great living a fun drama free life not filled with deadbeat losers, pregnancy scares or other unnecessary madness anyway)

  2. Interesting, but definitely not all-inclusive. I don't really fall anywhere on this list. . .I know I'm a good girl but I'm definitely not an Angel, and at 21, I'm not quite old enough to be a Teeterer. I am not religious at all, but I do have my own moral/ethical standards that I hold myself to. . .it's not about religion to me, but doing what is right and remaining ladylike no matter what.

    Good post, but I think another category between Angels and Teeterers is necessary.

    1. I think you're right. When I was writing this, I thought of 2 or 3 other categories that would make this include everyone, but, at 1100 words already, I would have had to scale back each of the above descriptions and exclude some lines I thought were really critical. These are the decisions you make when trying to be a blogger… lol. But I appreciate the feedback, and everyone can feel free to add categories here in the comments section.

      As far as where your moral code comes from, I also agree, it's not always exclusive to religion, sometimes people are just born with their own understanding of right and wrong, and they stick to it.

    2. "it’s not about religion to me, but doing what is right and remaining ladylike no matter what."

      I totally agree with this.

  3. Former Angel. Past the Teeterer stage but not quite Good Girl Gone Bad. Finally took ownership of my romantic/sexual life and based my decisions on what I wanted and what made me happy, not my parents, church family, or boyfriend.

    1. Absolutely nothing wrong with this. My whole thing is that I'm a big proponent of folks being self-aware. I think often we just act based on feelings and emotions. I love that you seem to have taken the time to think about who you want to be and are happy and content just being.

  4. I feel like I fall somewhere between 3 and 4 at this point in my short life.

    "If you’re a good girl gone bad my only advice is that you protect yourself in all ways, and be self aware."

    "When a woman loses sight of or rejects the moral code with which she’s previously lived her life, all hell breaks loose and the outcomes are completely unpredictable and sometimes pretty sad."

    "If you’re dealing with a bad girl gone good, you have to understand that she’s probably seen a lot and experienced a lot as is therefore going to have a very low tolerance for male mischievousness."

    These sentences really resonate with me. Gave me something to think about, that I didn't know I needed to think about or have been avoiding.

    Good Post Sir.

  5. I've encountered several #4's. I find them to be (typically) irritating, preachy, and loaded with baggage and scarring. #3 would probably be the best thing for me because I would ruin the angel and she is a really genuinely sweet person. The teeterer would be toast cause I already know that even if I went in with good intentions, I would end up shoving her off that fence (and not necessarily to the good side). All in all you gotta be yourself and live your life and conduct yourself in a manner that is acceptable to YOU. Everybody else and their funky azz opinion be dammed.

  6. Wow, I'm a "teeterer" in my 30s. On the money with that.. and it's scary. All I can do is focus on other things in the meantime and don't fall victim to "settling". Been there, done that so no thanks.

    Thank you for posting this!

  7. I think I've met at least one of each, and I can tell you, in no ways, shapes, or forms are any of them easy to deal with… and I'm what you'd call a NICE guy.

    Many times, l have found myself in the position of that corrupting influence though, and I'll usually end up feeling like a jerk about it.

    My main problem is, I can't really deal with a "bad" girl (or party chick, what have you), so I'm constantly stuck having to make these complicated moral decisions, toeing the line between what I WANT to do, what I feel like I have to do, and total hopelessness that I can manage too well with either.

    1. I think I disagree here. I think each woman can be easy to deal with and each one can be difficult. It's a situational sort of thing. What I've found though is that, for some men, dealing with women is an art and they're able to do it regardless of what her history has been. On the flip side, I think some men will always have issues dealing with women regardless of her history.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-315152">

        TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:

        I think I disagree here. I think each woman can be easy to deal with and each one can be difficult. It’s a situational sort of thing. What I’ve found though is that, for some men, dealing with women is an art and they’re able to do it regardless of what her history has been. On the flip side, I think some men will always have issues dealing with women regardless of her history.

        This is true. For each woman there's men that can or can't deal with her idiosyncrasies. I think this is obscured a bit by talking about "good" and "bad" girls.

    2. I feel ya homie, it’s the whole moral/ethic struggle, its up to you how you deal with it, you want to do right by them and when I say that I mean “fair”, cause honestly we really just want them to be on the roster. You cant domesticate all the bad girls and you cant liberate all the good girls. Gotta learn how to let these females be who they are UNLESS you find one you want to keep and make her ur wife, everything in moderation …

  8. I like this post. Im not an Angel…I would say I sometimes become a Teeterer. And everytime I slip into that territory I end up dealing with regret. Than I bounce back. But like another poster said there should be something between Angel and Teeterer. But you covered the main points.

  9. I guess I'll cop to the Angel charge, since I'm a preacher's kid and my experience is limited *shrugs*. I don't think all Angel "types" are judgmental, close-minded, and frigid [I understand you weren't saying they all are either]. Those characteristics really seem to be correlated with someone clinging to what she's used to and stubbornly choosing to remain blind to the unknown–good girls don't have a monopoly on being narrow-minded and bad girls don't have the "fun and fancy-free" market on lock. I am ridiculously eager to experience things I haven't gotten to experience yet, but my beliefs lead me to feel that I can more richly enjoy those things within a certain context. Having conservative views on say, sex, doesn't mean I'm going to just lie there. It means I'm going to unfurl two decades of sexual frustration and unconditional love, hopefully, on just one man–and we're going to do every disgusting thing we can think of, with pleasure and without confusion as to who we are or what it means. Having conservative views doesn't mean I think I'm better than people who enjoy sexual freedom before saying "I do" (cuz my body be telling me yes too, girl) but it shouldn't mean that I get deemed a leper or an ice cube either lol. Eff a virgin/whore complex: we're all human beings and sex is a powerful force that we all have the ability to wield in the way we see fit. Good girl, bad girl, or good girl the remix, we're all capable of going to surprising places, no matter where we've been.

    1. I agree with most of this statement, but with reservations. I think, right now, it's easy to say that you're going to let loose all of your sexual frustration on the man you end up with, sometimes, for women who wait, it works out just like that. They get married and turn into p*rn stars for their husbands – that's awesome. Other times, not so much. I've seen women expect to be that, and then when they get married the find that they don't like sex as much as they thought they would. For some women, when they shut that switch off in trying to preserve their sanctity, they're never able to really turn it back on.

      By no means am I encouraging you to go out and explore right now, but, I am saying things don't always work out as planned.

      But the difference between good and bad isn't just about sex either – I realize you were just using that as an example, but I want it to be clear for readers. When I say good and bad in the above, I just mean as it relates to each individuals own ideologies around what they should and shouldn't do. Good girls don't do the things they say they shouldn't do – whatever they are. Bad girls do the things they know they shouldn't do – whatever they are.

      1. I was trying to avoid writing an over-romaniticized opinion on this, because I do recognize the possible downfalls of "Angels." Beyond just sex, I am a type A personality, raised by a borderline paranoid religious zealot *sigh* I'm a weensy bit uptight lol. Of course I have been afraid that I would be destined to suffer from all those more negative characteristics you listed, but my experience with one man has given me a little hope. I found that, though it did take a while for me to warm up to certain ways in which he tried to connect with me, I'm a quick study and I'm pretty darn eager when that jones come down *clears throat*. I thought I would be more shy and reserved, but it turns out I can get caught up in the moment just like normal people lol. This doesn't mean that I won't ever have issues with the things you listed above–I can easily see how some of those things might become an issue–but I'm aware of it and I don't intend to let these things get in my way.

  10. Even though I'm only 21, I feel like I am a The Teeterer because I wanna let loose, have chex, just be carefree but I've been so "Angel" like in my previous years and my singledom has forced me in a place where I despise being.

    I sincerely do not want to be an Angel because I see how fun it is to be bad, but I also know the consequences of being so called "Bad" and I really do not want to associate with that or tarnish my reputation. And another thing I hate when a guy says "he's not ready for a girl like me," and all other variations of that statement. If only they knew I probably would be the one to make the first move to jump their bones if only they held out for a few months. Such is life though.

    1. I'm 20 myself, so I know what you're talking about, as I(surprisingly) see a lot of girls go through that struggle- The thing is, the world isn't black and white and so isn't "The good girl dilemma" as TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld pointed out, (btw great post!) you don't have to be "bad" in order to have a relation(ship) and/or fun.

      You can actually hit the club with your girls without getting drunk as a skunk and going home with a guy.

      You can have values and morals and not wait til you're married. You just gotta find the right balance for YOURSELF.

      IMO,the worst thing you can do is try to be someone you're not. You'll end up doing things you'll regret and be viewed as what you don't want to be viewed as: a bad girl.

      1. "You can actually hit the club with your girls without getting drunk as a skunk and going home with a guy.

        You can have values and morals and not wait til you’re married. You just gotta find the right balance for YOURSELF.

        IMO,the worst thing you can do is try to be someone you’re not. You’ll end up doing things you’ll regret and be viewed as what you don’t want to be viewed as: a bad girl."

        Exactly…

  11. I'd say I'm in between an Angel and The Teeterer. More of the The Teeterer though. I'm certainly not naive, prudish, or have a doe eye innocence when it comes to the matters of the heart and relationships but then again I haven't been in too many relationships to date. I'm in college, and I haven't dated much and the fact that the men in college just want s*ex welp sometimes makes me wanna say "eff it, let em have it" BUT my pride, ego, and my self esteem won't let me go to the brink of no return. Ahh well guess I'll be waiting until I either meet a guy who can handle my limited experiences or the dreaded 30's where I'll be forced to "settle*

    *shudders*

  12. I really feel bad for black women that it's so hard for them to have healthy, young relationships before they get all old and bitter. I know that looks like I'm being a jerk but I really do feel bad.

      1. I should add my comment wasn't for the women who on one post regarding 'freaks' or anything of the sort in a praising manner – brag about how freaky they are, only to post on this section about what a good girl they are, get real and pick a personality nut jobs.

  13. I have always been considered the "good girl." I had a guy tell me he wanted to get with me b/c he said I looked like one….I think I am more of a teeterer than the angel though. Im 24 and Ive gone down that "bad girl" road. In the area of relationships, I was discouraged and took things into my own hands. But b/c of the way I was raised, it didnt last. I had this constant tug-of-war going on between my head and my heart. I'm not missing out on anything either. Its not always easy living with your morals and standards, it can be hard. Especially when you see others with lower expectations get married and whatnot. Know what you want and be confident in who you are. I decided that Im not going to settle. Why should I?

  14. Great post. I just started seeing a teeterer myself, having lived a debauched lifestyle the past decade starting with my time in the Army to the present, I'm totally lost on how to deal with her bible toting self. To my credit I have not made move for them drawls yet, God if you exits those points needs to count towards my salvation on judgement day…..

  15. This was a cool read! It made me think of several relationships that I've been in and had to make some tough decisions. 

    There is this one young lady that should have been the Mrs., but she was ready for something that I wasn't ready for. She was an angel (with some GOOD bad girl tendencies). 🙂

    We had both graduated from school and she was going back home to work. She had been offered a job as an HR manager at a hospital in FL., and she wanted me to move back with her. 

    At that point in my life I was too caught up in other things (deejaying, promoting, etc.). I made a conscious decision to end our relationship because I didn't want her to put her life on hold for me.  

    When we "broke up" it felt like a scene in a movie, with me in the role of the badboy that's trying to save the "angel" from heartbreak.

    Thinking back, I wish I would have handled it differently. I think guys sometimes underestimate "good girls" when we say that we don't want to hurt them or "corrupt" them. They're "good", but not necessarily weak! lol

    And in my experiences, there's usually two types of "bad". The "bad" that describes sexual behavior, and the "bad" that describes the other stuff. 

    I've seen "girls" that were on the dean's list, didn't drink, smoke, or "party", and were the biggest whores on campus. And then I've seen girls that smoked weed, cursed like a sailor, and would grind on you at a party like a stripper at strip club, but they wasn't letting anybody hit, cut, or smash NOTHING. 

    Good stuff!

  16. I love watching "saved from the strip" but not sure I really would want to get with. Rescued lady. Makes me wonder about the angel, do you hit forty and just give up?
    Am sure there's bound to be guys into knee tremblers and heavy petting, if you're into masochism these types of girls are very good for that. Might end up with a new moral code and a healthy respect for the body.

    If I do have daughters , am going to raise an angel!

  17. I love the optimism in this post. Hate some of the realities though…

    Some of us Angels grew up amidst such ratchet and reckless environments that we, by the grace of God, developed wisdom that allowed us to take a different path. As a result, the issue mentioned above regarding lack of acceptance doesn't exist – at least not for me.

    I am glad you mentioned the fact that Angels tend to not be jaded or disillusioned, however, I think some Angels may deserve a little more credit than that.This is kind of like the issue many of us deal with in the workplace as the 20 year veteran is annoyed with the rate at which we fresh-out-of-school graduates are progressing within the company. If all they can attribute to everything you have done and are capable of doing is that you don't bring a bunch of baggage and your wide-eyed, bushy-tailed energy is going to be refreshing… O_o.

    My experience is that experience does not always equate to maturity and/or development. Not to devalue the tremendous amount of knowledge one can acquire through trial and error; however, I would venture to say that most people with experience STILL don't get it. I may not have been in many personal relationships but professionally I have held executive titles, organized strategic alliances, and maintained business relationships with senior executives more than twice my age. Also, my parents have been married for over 30 years… this is all that I know. Comparing me to the "experienced and mature" girl is like comparing the soldier who has been in the service for 8 years and was recruited off the street to the brand new officer who came from West Point. Both have different qualities to contribute and deficiencies to overcome.

    Like every Angel, I am only one action away from being a teeterer/good girl gone bad. We are ALL already there mentally – some of us moreso than others but don't act like you don't consider it! It is not always some male-driven pressure either – we are all still human with natural human animal like hungers desires. Making the effort to take the high road believing it will be worth it DEFINITELY gets exhausting and can sometimes frustrate you to the point of tears as your friends indulge in life while you feel as though you are sitting on the sidelines. As one commenter said… you can't entertain the possibility of it not happening! You have to keep believing, to the point of knowing, that it definitely will. And, *in my A.Keys voice * I deserve it, I know I deserve it! *sigh* Some days are harder than others…. Pun unquestionably intended.

    I would say the one thing that I like the most is that my happiness is independent of my relationship status. You can't get that kind of freedom any other way.

    Great post. Made my morning 🙂

    1. "I would say the one thing that I like the most is that my happiness is independent of my relationship status. You can’t get that kind of freedom any other way"

      YES! Love this!

      1. i agree with you shareefjackson. my happiness is independent of my relationship status. i'm 24 and i would fall under the category of bad girl gone good. i've quit a lot of bad habbits and quit loads of places i used to hang out that would take me back to these bad habits and just try to concentrate on my spiritual and physical well being. I dnt believe in religion but yes i do believe in god as energy. I been single for over 2 years and gone through load of periods reaching to the conclusion that man, im single. i owe no one any explanations. not every guy i meet is a potential boyfriend but hey every situation and every person requires a diffrent strategy. yes i do consider myself a hunter but that doesn't define a "good" or "bad" girl. according mto my perception of things.

  18. Nice post. Started out the first 19 years of my life 'The Angel" Was in church and all things church from birth until October break of Freshman year of college. And that's when I met Fernandez, who was visiting Cornell from IC for a party. And alllll he** broke loose, LOL!! But that's en entirely different post, LOL!!
    Was in church 3 out of the 7 days of the week, and ALL day Sunday. And hardly ever wore pants.

    College came/went, and now as I am about to leave my 30's next year, I have always been the Teeterer. But I am headed back to The Angel.

    'Sometimes Angels can have trouble understanding the shortcomings of those less sanctified"…..YASSSSSS!!!! This statement is 100% FACT. Because for me, one's unhappiness/issues/problems in life is directly related to their relationship with Christ.

    But again, a whole 'nother post, LOL!! I am NO Saint, BUT my faith/religion is a serious factor in my life again. And if you can't get with it, oh well, LOL!! I am however a work in progress. If I could just master NOT cursing, whewwww chile. Living/driving in this city is truly my daily test.

    This was a very good post. Def in my Top 10.

    Smooches,
    L to the J

  19. The teetered range of late 20s – early 30s always bothered me. I think it's unfair to expect people to have everything together by the time they get to that age, whether it's a man or a woman. I was lucky enough to get married in my mid 20s, but I never felt like I was under pressure to get my career, finances, sense of self, AND a relationship all in order before I hit 30.

    My mom is in her 60s and she's still out there dating and having fun. I hope people don't lose hope so early!

  20. Insightful post. I appreciated the thorough breakdown of each 'Good Girl' in today's society. Your post made me think how men actually view these women. I venture to say, many don't appreciate a good girl until its too late. Late being that these men have war stories and scars from previous relationships that a good girl, especially an angel or teeterer, would not be able to handle or even be attracted to.

    I am curious to know about how men feel about the good girl dilemma and their roles in creating fulfilling relationships with these kind of women. Can most men date or deserve to date a good girl?

    1. Thanks, I be thinkin really hard and tryna be insightful and ish…

      <blockquote cite="comment-315158">

      ErikatheQueen:

      I am curious to know about how men feel about the good girl dilemma and their roles in creating fulfilling relationships with these kind of women. Can most men date or deserve to date a good girl?

      To answer you question, speaking personally, I married a good girl. If I had to put her into one of the above categories, she was an Angel. Me on the other hand… not so much. With us, the most important thing we had was time. Neither of us were in a rush for anything. I think taking the time to really get to know each other was paramount in building a lasting relationship that works.

      Speaking more toward our day to day interactions, there were certain areas where we needed to grow and find common ground due to the differences in our pasts. One example, on her end, was that she came from a place, spiritually, where her beliefs were dictated to her by folks who'd been Christians longer. She would think one thing, until someone told her something else, and then everything she thought before would go out the window. This same sorta wavering began to spill over into her life outside her faith. It took a long time to build her into a person that was comfortable trusting herself and her own thoughts. On my end, I attach very little value to emotions and feelings. I always tend to think that emotions can be overcome or subdued. She's shown me the value of feeling things in a way that I never really thought I'd get.

      So overall, I think any man can date a "good" girl – however it is that we define good, as long as two people are absolutely sure that what they want is each other, and as long as they both understand and accept each other, I think any two people can make it work. Deserves got nothing to do with it. #Snoop #WireQuotes

  21. I'm a trinity (angel, good girl gone a lil naughty BUT not bad, teeterer) because of life INEXPERIENCES, so my moral standards are a little high buuut at the same time i am curious to see what's on that opposite side of the fence at times…… It's a happy struggle tho…. 🙂

  22. Anybody going to just come out and admit that they're not an Angel or Teeterer?

    #ImATakeDatAsANo

    Excuse the following ignorant a*s statement on a Friday:

    Here's my issue, i'm not a good boy (I grew up in the church, but I intentionally left the choir and started playing keyboard because it was way more winning than the tenor section, even at church I was focused), not a teeterer (Go hard, or go home), not a good boy turned bad (Wasn't never really all that good to begin with, I told y'all I was wondering why Superman wasn't banging something and told my Dad that I would be hitting Lois off on the reg, and I was like 5 when I said that), not a bad boy turned good (partially because i'm not a bad boy, partially because "good" as defined here is still very relative).

    All that to say, if I ain't falling into one of these categories as the man, what the f*ck ima do with these hoes? LOL. I ain't want to be the one to say it, but one of the ladies gonna say it soon anyway. Dudes check for women on a level they can't even get to. Yes, I hunt midgets and virgins, but i'm man enough to admit that's kind of messed up since i'm not either.

    1. I think the key thing to remember here is that this post was about "good girls." Not about all girls. I think there are a ton of women who fit into none of the categories above. They're not beholden to any particular set of beliefs that dictate what they will or won't do in romantic endeavors. They basically take each situation individually and respond based on how they're feeling at the time. This makes them neither good, bad or anything else. They're just living life. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with people like that.

      The other thing to remember is how we're defining good and bad. Notice I didn't really put any specific actions on the good list or the bad list. That was purposeful. For me, good just means that you put what you believe – whatever it may be, ahead of your romantic inclinations. One girl says "I'm not having sex till marriage," and another says, "I'm not having sex till the 3rd date," – neither is more of a "good girl" for the purposes of this post – what makes them good or bad is how successful they are in sticking to whatever it is they believe.

      1. OK, I had to read this comment a few times. I think you just broadened the definition of "good girls" to 95% of all women. Just about everyone has beliefs that they put ahead of romantic inclinations. Now we may not agree with them, but outside of sexual addicts and people with personality disorders, everyone has their beliefs. I know Max talked about a woman who sleeps with men on the first date, and she's consistent with that. That don't make her a good or bad girl, but it's a belief system that she has determined and sticks with.

  23. Well, at 32 I can pretty much say that I'm none of these. I'm not a Good Girl or a Bad Girl, I'm a Grown Woman. One with life experiences on the innocent side, the wild side, the I-can't-believe-I-just-did-that side, the I-may-do-that-but-not-with-you side, the Jesus-take-the-wheel-I-see-double side, you name it I've probably tried it. And like you said earlier, not just in a sexual way. But I did it my way, and I didn't feel any particular sense of guilt about it. I always looked like a "good girl" (there's just something in my face that says "That's not mine, officer!") but I like an adventure and I know how to back off when ish gets too deep. If morals were an in-ground pool I'm comfortable at about 6ft. – more dangerous than the kiddie section but not all the way to the deep end.

      1. I couldn't fit both of them in that tiny azz pic. Hopefully her pic will show up with this one, it didn't the first time I posted this.

    1. Awwww..

      Look at 1 of the mini-TT's she's beautiful….

      I'm sure you got your hands full….

      #TeamNoEnvy

      Oh Yeah, GOOD POINT!!!!!

      1. The one you see in the pic is the one who shares your name. #teamnoenvy, you's a fool for that!

        Speaking of being a fool…don't think I don't notice the chick in that picture. Ole big booty debbil woman and even the angel is giving the Britney Spears crotch shot special. Dang, Most!

  24. I think my house is bugged cause, I can't believe how much this post matches a convo I just had on Thursday morning. I especially like how you remained clear in defining that this list merely focuses on "The Good Girl"! Although I'm not divulging where I fall or even If I fall on what appears above, I will be sharing this post with the very person I had my convo with… and anxiously wait for his reply. Can you focus on the Bad Girl next week? Please! I would like to hear someone elses opinion on that too. I agree with your post above, the level of similarity is uncanny. *Shots Fired* I will stay low and away from the beach in my travels.

  25. I've talked to one true Angel in my life and OMG is that ish a struggle. Not only because of the sexual tension, but also because her judgmental ways. It's pretty easy for someone to grow up in the church and have a strong moral code and look down at those who've also grown up in the church, but have made significant backsliding moves over the years (Where i lie). The thing about dating Angels is that they quickly get bored and since they've never truly been attached to one person, they assume at a certain point everything is going to come to an end with each new guy they meet until this God-Like man comes along and swoops them off their feet. One moment they're cool and everything and the the next time they see you, they walk in the door and have this disinterested look on their face and fall back into this impenetrable shell. Annoying to say the least.

    Consistency (in dating) is something Angels lack (besides not giving up the goods), so a person like me who thrives off consistency is easily thrown off. Even though, i wasn't the idea vision she had in this God-Like mate, I could tell part of her wanted us to work, but the other part didn't comfort me, so i ultimately had to tell her "This isn't going to work" and oddly enough she started tearing up. Almost made tear up. But, being serious with an Angel means that eventually marriage needs to be the move, so pretty much any man thats willing to make that move needs to gear up and know his true intentions, otherwise he's wasting his time more so than her time.

    Personally, I want a Level 4 Teeterer … She has a moral code, but isn't prude enough to openly let herself go for a man she deems appropriate for her. More than not, this is the single mother who is out looking for a sustainable partner … It'd just be easier for me if she didn't have kids, since i don't, but nowadays thats rare.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-315170">

      @Top5DOA: The thing about dating Angels is that they quickly get bored and since they’ve never truly been attached to one person, they assume at a certain point everything is going to come to an end with each new guy they meet until this God-Like man comes along and swoops them off their feet. One moment they’re cool and everything and the the next time they see you, they walk in the door and have this disinterested look on their face and fall back into this impenetrable shell. Annoying to say the least.Consistency (in dating) is something Angels lack…

      LMBO…wow. There used to be this running joke about my 3 month limit on relationships. It'd be hot and heavy at first…I'm all in love. Then, by month 3, I was over it, lol. I always said it was because I knew what I wanted…and when I realized dude wasn't it, snip-snip. I'm certain I was called " *singing* cold-blooded" before Dave Chappelle made the term cool, LOL.

      You may have a point about this having to do with my Angel stat back then. But, by the time my 3 month limit relationship cycle was in full swing, I'd already had two (teenage) long term relationships…so I knew how to attach to a guy…which was why I could tell when a rela wasn't gonna cut it. * shrugs *

    2. Very interesting comment…

      <blockquote cite="comment-315170">

      @Top5DOA: The thing about dating Angels is that they quickly get bored

      On one hand it could be a maturity thing. I often feel as though some of the more immature people I know are never satisfied with simplicity – not to be mistaken with mediocrity. On the other hand though… sometimes I feel like when men put you in the good girl category they turn YOU into this… impenetrable box they have to handle delicately. Some Angels may want that… I just want you to be you. There is a difference between treating me with respect and treating me like I'm 5 years old. I'm still grown and I won't break. No matter the source – … sometimes you really do just feel the inevitable coming. You get to that point where you know you are with someone who is great, but ultimately it's just a good time – that isn't even that much of a good time… and you know it has to end since you aren't going to take it there. So it sucks. Most people stick with people who are fun for the sake of having fun – those with a moral code have to let some great people go… fun isn't enough… which may be exactly what you were saying in your other great point:

      <blockquote cite="comment-315170">

      @Top5DOA: and since they’ve never truly been attached to one person, they assume at a certain point everything is going to come to an end with each new guy they meet until this God-Like man comes along

      …yikes. That one stung a little. This is the harsh reality that I hate so much. It's so very true – I have found it incredibly easy to move on… actually I never get all that attached in the first place because honestly I have known with every guy that.. this isn't it. That is until the most recent guy I met…

      Yea so…sometimes you go into that shell because you get SCARED. Really scared. All of a sudden it's right in front of your face. Here is this ideal guy…now what do I do? Terrified of making the wrong choice, disappointing him, or God, or whomever – as many of us struggle with OCD-ish tendencies and perfectionism… you simply shut down. Without proper communication… you are assuming one thing – and she is assuming another.

      Running can seem easier than facing the unknown -maybe she wishes you wouldn't have let her go. I mean you don't want to beg someone to give you a chance – but then I guess we shouldn't expect men to do that either..? *Sigh* I have only recently learned that for the right one… I will be more concerned with our growth both individually and as a couple than my/your comfort level – despite the outcome, etc. FAR more easily said than done, for sure.

      1. Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm (There's a slight hint of smh attached to that) … All of what you said is what i've experience and heard … When the person is mature, they have no problem in telling the thought process. And it's actually easier because True Angels are logical thinkers, so its innate for them to let those thoughts go. If they weren't logical and more feeling based … 9 times out of 10 they aren't Angels and can easily get swept into the "Good Girl gone Bad" category. At the same time, communicating is bittersweet. Communicating to someone ur dating that u have this struggle between yourself and waiting for the perfect man and not fulfilling God's destiny and all of that will MOST DEFINITELY throw a man off and almost create an frame of thinking in his mind that he isn't good enough. Some things should be said and others should be worked out within one self, especially if u view it as OCD-esque.

  26. I am a 3 trying, praying & thinking about being a 4. But how do you stop all the fun? I was a 1 and somewhere in HS the 2 began to surface. Legally separated by 22 I found 2 girlfriends and we had our own little girls gone wild / bad girls club. lol! Clubbing every weekend and enjoying the single life. Now as 30 approaches those friends are gone and I'm trying to find my way home. I dont even know how I got here… I use to teach vacation bible school!

    1. All very interesting Kema. I think it all comes down to how you define home. If I were the advice giving kind, I'd say take some time and figure out where home is and whether or not getting there is a goal you really desire. You don't want home to be some mythical place you're trying to find that has no real borders our boundaries. Once you set some parameters around what 'home' is, then you need to sit down and come with an action plan. You need to figure out what you are willing to do and what you're not willing to do. If you're doing stuff that's fun now, but is not really on the road map home, the only healthy way to cut that stuff out is to replace with other healthier endeavors. Hope this .01 cent worth of advice is helpful. Best of luck.

      And by the way – even though it wasn't a joke, I was rolling @

      <blockquote cite="comment-315173">

      Kema:

      I dont even know how I got here…I use to teach vacation bible school!

  27. Def hit that teeter stage in college, got a lil male mistreat, fell in love with an amazing man, and became a good girl again. Rinse, wash, and repeat. I've been in my good girl stage for over a year now. Its def not nearly as fun, I've been called a tease, but I honestly think being good is the best choice I've made.

    Good post

  28. I really enjoyed this post, it was definitely a refreshing read. I was in my feelings just last night. Blame it on pre-birthday blues coupled with PMS, but as a good girl about to hit 28 who looks great on paper, like "letslove" mentioned, a part of me wants to indulge in life as well. Every now and again, I want to be as active as everyone else, but my heart/mind won't allow me. I hold out hope that God will bring the right man to me one day, but I refuse to become jaded with meaningless relationships or guys that offer nothing but a friends with benefits situation. Life continues and I focus on me, my goals esp. spending more time with family/friends, traveling and becoming a homebuyer someday soon.

    Kudos to the writer=) I really needed to read this last night!! Perfect timing.

  29. I could not be in any long form relationship with an Angel. Do not mesh in the slightest. I can sympathize with your blight in attempting to be pious in our society though.

  30. Great post,

    I think at the core of every women is a good girl/ angel. for the young angels (20's) don't worry the kind of relationship you are looking for probably won't be found on a college campus so Its not just you its life.I know you hate when guys say I don't won't to hurt you/ or I'm not ready for a girl like you but trust you rather have a guy that admits he is not ready for a good girl than one who fakes the funk and hurts your feelings,cause sometimes when you go to far with someone its not easy to bounce back.

  31. I think a woman can be all of these in one day. Some of these characteristics can sway based on the situation or topic that comes up. Being a woman is an art because we have to juggle all of these emotions about many different things and still try to manage to come across as consistent, not bat shti crazy.

  32. I'm like 90% numb. 1

    I grew up in the church, have held onto my virginity for almost 27 years and all that stuff

    I haven't been completely heartbroken but my heart HAS been bruised a few times. I still believe in trust, fidelity and everything else you mentioned.

    I don't have that much experience in the relationship department but I have been observant of the relationships of family and friends and have learned what I will and won't put up with from a man and the things I think a woman should and shouldn't do while in a relationship

    my morals haven't drastically changed but I can say that there are certain aspects of life where I've seriously matured as I entered my mid 20s

  33. Hi, my name is Beef Bacon and I am a Bad girl gone Good. I guess I teetered for a second before making the final transition. I had a good 5-year run of partying, dating, and getting what I want. I was bad in that I kept my options open and had very selfish behavior during that time. I was dating a few people at a time all while having my one FWB and I didn’t care that some guys felt threatened by that. Although I stayed single throughout this time, as to hurt no one, I still hurt someone.

    I made the total transition halfway into my first grown-up serious relationship. I also had my first child in my mid 20s so I got a lot of my immature ways out of my systems before becoming responsible for someone else.

    My first heartbreak came 3 years into that relationship which made me re-evaluate myself. I almost wanted to throw in the towel but I promised myself that I wouldn't allow one bad relationship spoil my future. I made up my mind that I only wanted to give to others what I desire myself. 6 years later, I got married to a wonderful man and I am thankful for the lessons I learned regarding love and life.

    You are right about "… If you’re dealing with a bad girl gone good, you have to understand that she’s probably seen a lot and experienced a lot as is therefore going to have a very low tolerance for male mischievousness." My tolerance is low yet my patience is growing which balances me out. 🙂

  34. Storytime: Its funny because my ex became 3 of these (hopefully 4). When we met she was the angel and to be honest its what intrigued me to her. Eventually we went to separate colleges and she turned into the teeterer merely outta fear of losing me…yada yada yada we break up and now i cant call it. Perhaps im part to blame but hopefully she can revert back to her good ways and i wish her well.

  35. Agreed.

    <blockquote cite="comment-315177">

    Malik:

    I could not be in any long form relationship with an Angel. Do not mesh in the slightest. I can sympathize with your blight in attempting to be pious in our society though.

  36. <blockquote cite="comment-315164">

    Teflon Temptress: I always looked like a “good girl” (there’s just something in my face that says “That’s not mine, officer!”) but I like an adventure and I know how to back off when ish gets too deep

    I can relate to this. Apparently I look more innocent than I really am :).

  37. I've always been perceived as the good girl and to a great extent I am. I've never been a full out bad girl. I  have had bad girl moments but at the core I know I wouldn't be able to be one for longer than a week, if that. 

  38. Another great post by Most! I'm a good girl and comfortable staying in my lane. Everbody has a lane. The hard part (for some folks) is figuring out what that lane is. I have friends and associates who run the gamut from teetering to bad girl and I love them all!!! I hope to find a man who will accept me, flaws and all, the same way I'll accept his. We can learn and teach each other. I find all kinds of people interesting, especially ones who aren't like me. I'd be halfway-lying if I said my 'core beliefs' were strictly from a religious standpoint. I love God and as I get older, deal with more adversity, and get in touch with my spiritual side, his presence in my life is more pronounced. But really, my Mom just taught me to have my own mind, and if I make a mistake, make it 'my' own not because I did it for somebody else. #lifeskills So I figured out the type of woman I wanted to be and that's who I've become.

    I like Most's interpretation of 'good' as adhering to core beliefs, whatever they may be. I also like that he married a 'angel.' Gives me hope that there are some men who can or learn to appreciate it, but then again, there's a market for everybody:) Whether you're good, teetering, bad or neither, love yourself, protect yourself (emotionally and physically) and do whats best for you!

  39. I am most definitely #4. I've slept around, hurt many people, done some drugs, put myself into so many uncalled for situations and generally lived the first 23 years of my life without many rules and restrictions.

    The following resonates so deep within me I actually had to stop reading for a second: "You never know how much of herself she had to cauterize to make the changes she wanted to make, so her opening up to you- if she ever does- is a big deal. It’s a responsibility you need to know you’re accepting when you pursue a relationship with her."

    I can't speak for every bad girl gone good, but I can speak for myself. Because I lacked much guidance and self-control many of the situations I placed myself in created room for more reckless activity. As a result, I ended up losing much of my self-respect over time and eventually this became a vicious cycle. At 24, I reached the lowest point I'd ever experienced and I had to change many of my behaviors, habits and traits. There's alot of scarring here that I think I'll carry for the rest of my life-but much of it is my own fault. (And something I find it difficult to forgive myself for.) Before reading this, I didn't realize how much of me I cauterized or even how much of me has healed. It's funny, looking back on my life I realized the wilder I was, the less I opened myself to others. The people around me served as a filler, never really any true connections were had but deep connection is what I craved the most and what was the most difficult for me to even attempt. You hit the nail right on the head. This bad girl has major trust issues. While I still crave deep connections with others, it's very difficult to open up. When I do, I do so just enough to make the other person feel like they know me and keep the majority of myself reserved for me. But as a woman of 27, a better woman, a wife and almost a mother: I can do my best, I can try. My experiences have taught me many valuable life lessons but many of them I could have done without learning.

    1. Wow – what a great comment. I can relate on a lot of different levels. Again, I always think the most important thing to any person actively trying to make changes in their life is self-awareness. I appreciate how much thought you've clearly give your situation and am a little bit humbled by the fact that something I wrote helped you along that way! Thanks very much for sharing.

  40. Great post! I really had to think about this…

    I def started out as a "will give up the goods if it's love" Angel, lol. I didn't do clubs, didn't smoke/drink, church every Saturday (and involved), sang in a gospel group, made sure I wasn't having any babies, never snuck around, good school, good grades, dressed classy, all of that. But, since I did give up the goods (when I had that loving feeling), I knew how to relate to /communicate with men in a way that some "clink-clink" good girls wouldn't. I was judgmental…and since I'm vocal and opinionated, it def was an issue. With my first love, my views caused him to keep A LOT away from me. I had NO CLUE he was thuggin it up, lol. And, since he couldn't be his complete self around me, it drove us apart. When he started showing me his complete self, I got out of dodge too, lol (ghetto love is not my kind of love, lol). My ultimate decision to get married at 19 had a lot to do with my Angel status…my beliefs and ideals. Bad move. After the marriage went sour, I skipped Teeterer and, according to my high standards, became the Good Girl Gone Bad. My first time in a club/lounge was 2008…age 27! And, as the post suggests, the relationship I got into as I was transitioning out of this phase did not last.

    Currently, I am a Bad Girl Gone Good. I'm back in church every weekend. And, I've found a realistic balance that I am very comfortable with in my unmarried status. I'm not nearly as judgmental as I once was, but I still have very high standards. I have ZERO tolerance for foolishness. However, I've picked up a few "bad" tricks that, along with my good girl traits, make me a #winner, lol. I've learned that there's a time and place for everything…and that's helped me to be more open-minded concerning life.

    1. You would have been mad at me in 1999! It's funny, I think I was much more judgemental when I was younger as well. It's like your morals/standards haven't been tested as much, you don't know that many people who are totally outside of your experience and you're just stubborn as hell. Things are so black and white. One of the best things about aging is realizing that what you thought you knew ain't necessarily so, but other things are just as true and certain as they were a couple decades ago. If I could just put my 32 yr old brain in my 22 year old body….

      1. All of this, lol.

        Out of all its benefits, aging has helped me to be completely honest about what I want/feel/need/think, etc. When I was younger…the Angel, my vision of perfection based on my ideals drove my decision making, my words, etc.. I could completely seperate my emotions from my choices. But, in some instances, especially in relationships, you cannot do that. Things are NOT always black and white, like you said, so you must reconcile both (your emotions with your ideals). Regardless of what I ultimately decide to do, I have to confront the reality of where I am on the matter. Not doing this has gotten me into MAJOR trouble on several occasions. I've always been very honest but I'm very tight-lipped about how I feel about things…especially if revealing that puts me in a vulnerable position. And I believed that if I revealed my deepest feelings, I'd equip people with information that they can use to hurt me or manipulate me…and I'd appear weak. I've learned that there's no way to keep people from hurting you. And keeping this information from people who genuinely care about you hurts them…and you.

        Life lessons. Hate to go through them…but we need them.

  41. Wow! I'm 26 and i sin the Teetering stage. It's a confusing/disappointing stage to be in. That said, I'm taking my time to learn myself and what I really like and I hope I can figure it out before I turn 30.

  42. Good post Most.

    Though I saw first hand how my homie got his heart Hiroshima'ed by this "Angel." She never had any real interest in him, she just played with him. Teasing, while can be great when applied sexually, romantically will leave #scarsonscarsonscars.

    I used to feel bad that I attract "Angels" and then they suddenly seem to deviate. But now, I really don't care. I'm very much NOT a judgmental person (which rubs off, thankfully!) and I do support whatever belief system/spiritual path a person wishes to take. But it seems easier for a woman to reject sex when a guy presses them. Be nice and supportive, they'll make all kinds of reasons why its "OK" all of a sudden to smash. Must say… That's annoying when you're considering the wishes of a person. I'm actually trying to adhere to your wishes. Which YOU should I pay attention to? How can a person expect me to take seriously/respect your belief system, when in doing so, you makes excuses to deviate? Oh so now you mad (at me) that we are not having sex? GTFOH

    But we grown now… It's ok to let go of the standards and expectations people had of us as children. Yes… Santa Clause doesn't exist… Well he did… but he is dead. And the tooth fairy is creepy when stealing the teeth of children. That's a horror movie waiting to happen (Where's Muze?).

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-315204">

      MeteorMan:

      Though I saw first hand how my homie got his heart Hiroshima’ed by this “Angel.” She never had any real interest in him, she just played with him. Teasing, while can be great when applied sexually, romantically will leave #scarsonscarsonscars.

      Mmmmmhhhh … Dayum … Teasing is the calling card for Angels and Teeterers … Sad Story … My love piece doesn't have the will power to withstand such atrocities. I've had to directly tell women "Look if ur just goin to get me this live and not be on much else, eff it I guess imma have to go to the front room and make a xvideos.com or xnxx.com move."

      If the sexual tension in a room can be cut with a knife … it's best to not subject yourself to that kind of torture fellas consistently.

  43. Well I'm definately the Bad Girl Gone Good. I think you did an amazing job of really describing how I feel!

    In high school and college I was definately a party girl type….with no rules to speak of. I saw A LOT and was hurt more times than I cared to be. Most of the time, it was my own mistakes and insecurities that led me to be hurt. I also know for a fact that I hurt others in the process, past boyfriends and friends alike. It took a long time to forgive myself for that.

    After being in a pretty rocky, to say the least, relationship with a guy I was convinced I loved I ended up pregnant with my daughter. I always say she is my biggest blessing and a major wake up call from God, becuase at that point I decided that I needed to be a good example for my child.

    It took a lot of forgiving myself and others, and a lot of cutting ties, but now I'm in such a good place. I've made God a priority in my life, I'm having the most fun being a mama, and I've found an amazing guy. I truly think my past has helped me to find what I really wanted in a man and helped me to be a much stronger woman.

  44. I was disappointed to find that I don't really fit into any of these 4 categories, yet I consider myself to be a pretty good girl. I did not grow up overly religious or devout like The Angel, but I was raised going to church every Sunday. I'm not a Teeterer because like I said I didn't grow up an Angel, and I think I have a pretty realistic and healthy viewpoint on love and relationships. I didn't "Go Bad" and sl*t it out in college or anything… just had normal college relationships and a couple FWB's. Lastly, I've never been super wild and had a life changing epiphany.. so does that mean I'm not really a good girl?? :-/ lol.. Good post though! I definitely could associate each category with someone I know/knew!

  45. Forgot to add this to my first post

    Now I'm asking for a lot but if I can get the fellas to stop putting all good girls in the same category that would be awesome! I think there are some 1s and 2s out there that like @Shea said wants to "unfurl two decades of sexual frustration and unconditional love".

    In my case, there are too many positions to try and places where we can get it in.. so corrupt me baby is all I'm saying. (and love me at this same time)

  46. <blockquote cite="comment-315146">

    Dimpz: You can have values and morals and not wait til you’re married. You just gotta find the right balance for YOURSELF.

    Co and signed. I agree 100%

  47. @ wut : people are complex. It's been said unthread women can be all 4 at different times or at the same time. Rich tapestry and all that mosaic stuff that makes life interesting.

  48. I am in my early 20's and I find myself leaning towards the category of The Teeterer ..

    It is not easy. I've been the "angel/good girl" all my life. I don't hate all men. I don't even hate the men that have done me wrong… I jus find it annoying and confusing when men say your such a "good girl" I don't wanna hurt you. But don't men want a good girl?! I'm not gonna change who I am, just patiently waiting ..

  49. Most definitely walking the line of Good Girl Gone Bad. I was never an Angel and the Teeterer life just isn't cutting it anymore, its type boring. Time to kick my heels up and have some fun!! One day hopefully I will get back to being a good girl but for now…

  50. Most women I know of seem to be either Teeterers or Good Girls Gone Bad. And I want no parts of either….If she wants to be bad, go 'head…..Don't come looking for me when you decide to get right.

  51. OMG…have you been following me the past 2 weeks?!?! I totally relate to this post. I think I've gone through the first 3 phases you've discussed, and right now I'm between the Teeterer and The Good Girl Gone Bad (if that place exists). I have realized the error of my ways and am quickly going back to being the Angel, which is where I'm most comfortable. 🙂 I can't tell you how many times I heard "You'd make a good wife" when I was in college. Too bad nobody was looking for a wife at 21. Alas, I've come to realize that everything happens for a reason and my Prince Charming is on his way. GREAT post!

  52. wow is what really crossed my mind when reading this. Alot of people go through things and never have the ability to understand where they stand or in this case what category they fall under, and as I read and thought unfortunately I fall under the good girl gone bad, and I have to agree they are not always gone if you have a strong foundation you will always have something to come back to, and no one's falls or mistakes define their life or who they are. the things that we as people go through will always teach us lessons, and give us strength we just have to know when and how to use it.

    but the only thing about the categories that I don't agree with is that having a few categories doesn't always explain who everyone is, you have to factory in uniqueness.

  53. Omg… Sooo relevant … I could sooo resonate with the angel persona and a tad bit of the teeter…. I'm glad I read this… Keep on writing positivity…

  54. I'm about to be 28 soon also happy early bday
    <blockquote cite="comment-315175">

    Marie-Alice:
    I really enjoyed this post, it was definitely a refreshing read. I was in my feelings just last night. Blame it on pre-birthday blues coupled with PMS, but as a good girl about to hit 28 who looks great on paper, like “letslove” mentioned, a part of me wants to indulge in life as well. Every now and again, I want to be as active as everyone else, but my heart/mind won’t allow me. I hold out hope that God will bring the right man to me one day, but I refuse to become jaded with meaningless relationships or guys that offer nothing but a friends with benefits situation. Life continues and I focus on me, my goals esp. spending more time with family/friends, traveling and becoming a homebuyer someday soon.

    Kudos to the writer=) I really needed to read this last night!! Perfect timing.

    Omg… Sooo relevant … I could sooo resonate with the angel persona and a tad bit of the teeter…. I'm glad I read this… Keep on writing positivity…

  55. I love this article. I have definitely seen myself go through all the stages above, but as of now, I am most definitely a bad girl turned good and — yes, as you mentioned, as a result of some extreme circumstances.

    Looking back, I made a lot of poor choices in men. In fact, I can count on one finger the number of truly positive "relationships" I've had in my lifetime, but those poor choices in men were more a reflection of my poor self-image than anything else. I was seeking out the wrong men at the wrong time to try and escape from all the other problems I had going on. At first, I was naive, and yes I did get played, but after a while it became a cycle. Because I wasn't loving myself enough to set a high standard, I allowed myself to continue getting played. And because I was hurting, I in turn went out and did some "playing" of my own, thinking I was evening the score.

    At one point, I crossed paths with this really really really great guy, but I made so many excuses. (My life wasn't together like I wanted it to be; I was not emotionally available; I had gotten so into the bad girl role; I didn't feel like I was good enough; I would never be able to keep him around; I didn't even know how to have a healthy relationship). Honestly, it sounds cliche but he came along, and made me want to be a better person. I knew in order for me to demand and keep that quality of man, I had to be a certain type of woman, so I started working to fix myself, my education, my career, my relationship with God and my loved ones. To this day, I am most definitely better than I used to be, but still with room for improvement. But because I'm more aware of my shortcomings, I'm that much closer to fixing them now.

    Because of him, it became so much easier to recognize a "SAN" when I saw one, but I really wasn't interested in fooling around with anyone else anyway. I took a LONG break from men to get my head in the right place, and I still hate that I missed out. It's hard opening up about my past, so I look for someone to not only be a lover but also a companion, who will listen without judging, and someone I can offer the same to in return. As far as my past goes, I have few regrets. I know they were learning lessons, and I've truly learned how to recognize and appreciate a good thing when it's right in front of me.

  56. I definitely am between The Angel and The Teeterer, although I'm only 20. Its hard as hell trying to not fall into the role of the bad girl or enjoy 'being single' because I do have morals that I stick to. Seeing friends who don't have much of any standard fall in love with the good guys is highly frustrating and I am questioning if waiting for him. Do I have to go and hunt him down?

  57. Was roaming around the site and this post basically jumped out of the the screen and slapped me in the face.

    I would say that at this point of my life I would call myself aTeeterer. When it came to my heart or anything having to deal with relationships and sex, I had a "reserved" view on it. For the most part, viewing the relationships and the trial and tribulations the females in my environment had to deal with kind of made me reluctant to seek out or want to experience what that world had to offer. Fast forward to the present, after making the decision to lose my virginity at 25 (at a time when I was emotionally, mentally and physically mature enough to handle the consequences), and the fact that the clock is ticking for me, I feel like I've missed out on alot. Was it worth closing myself off for so long? A part of me wishes that I should have let lose and "get all the freak out" before reaching this time in my life. I I feel I don't have time to play around or go through trial and error situations to gain the experience I would need to be able to handle the factors of a relationship(which to this day, I'm lacking in that department as well). Where most if not all of my female friends have been there, done that and are at a point in their lives where they are secure in pursuing a serious relationship, I feel inadequate. All I want is my soulmate with whom I can unleash everything on but being insecure about whether I would be up to par is a major concern of mine. It sucks but my pride and esteem refuses to allow me to turn into a bad girl, but I can't help having these thoughts right now. *kanyeshrug*

  58. I am a 30+ year old woman. I can say I'm best described as "The Teeterer". I am SO SICK of being told "you're too good for me" and "you're the marring kind" or "maybe in another time in life, when I'm in a different place". Honestly?! What place?! You SUPPOSE to be a grown man…. Sadly they always return, but I cannot allow people to hurt me again. Do men really want a good woman? Is that just something they say to see if they can get in your panties?…I ain't gone lie, it worked for a couple…lol

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