Home Featured Who’s Responsible For Bad S*x?

Who’s Responsible For Bad S*x?

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So who’s fault is it when there’s bad sex?

Every woman reading this post just said, “The guy!” And in some cases, that is true. But ladies, it can be your fault too.



It takes two to tango, but when the tango isn’t any good, someone has to take the blame. A lot of what needs to happen for any love making to occur depends on the man’s ability to “perform”, but once he’s literally keeping up his end of the bargain, the woman does have some duties to fulfill to make said tango work. Some guys will tell you all a woman has to do is lay there, but for the most part every guy likes a woman that knows what she’s doing.

I don’t think some women take their role or responsibility in making sex good seriously enough, therefore if the sex is bad, it’s automatically his fault. A man’s ego enables this thought, because when the sex is great, he’s running all over the room beating his chests and C-walking like Tyrese. Using the tango analogy, while it may be a man’s role to lead the dance, not too many guys can dance too well carrying around dead weight, or leading someone that just can’t seem to get the steps down.

See Also:  10 Signs She’s Definitely Not Wifey Material

If a woman is accused of just laying there, the response usually is “Well, do something to make me not just lay there…”. And in most cases, that’s true, everyone needs a little stimulation. But what about the woman that always just lays there? Just lays down, expecting the man to climb on her and finish his business. She’s not necessarily waiting for it to be over because it’s bad, she’s just always waiting for it to be over so she can go home roll over and go to sleep. It’s not like you need to do all 86 things on those crappy Cosmo lists (which is usually 12 or 13 things worded different ways), but there’s a few things that you can do to make everything go smoothly. After all, only Jesus can raise the dead.

This goes beyond good head, because usually a dude can overlook “OK” head if the sex is good or great. (And of course, no head at all means sex isn’t happening.) Good sex doesn’t always boil down to pure sexual ability, but the ability to be in tune with your partners needs and use that sexual ability to meet those needs. Just having a vagina doesn’t qualify as being in tune with a guys needs. That little dandy of a trick that used to work in college probably won’t work the people you’re meeting these days. The same way men are expected to know how to use their equipment, women should be held to that same standard, and be ready to take a look in the mirror if the sex isn’t exactly where it needs to be.

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I’ve clearly glossed over the fact that one contributing factor to a bad sexual experience rests could rest on size, but since women have been known to say size doesn’t matter, I’ll just pretend it doesn’t for the purposes of this post. Besides, if he’s on the smaller side, just laying there isn’t going to make it grow.

So…who’s responsibility is it to make the bed rock? How much of the responsibility falls on the woman’s shoulders? Is the “she just layed there” excuse a cop out?

Waiting for Anthony Weiner’s sex tape to drop,

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Comment(113)

  1. Secret to good sex? Making a girl orgasm

    key to an orgasm ____ the clitoris

    shame that most people dont even know where it is

    size really doesnt matter.

    If both the male and the female do not know the secret of a femal orgasm, then they are both at fault.

    truth is the guy alway orgasms 95% of the time

    the female though takes extra work, extra patience and some serious stimulation

  2. Swear it's the guys fault!!!

    Seriously, I need a reason to go all in. So if the dick ain't good when he's rockin it, it's not gonna get any better if I put in extra effort. Plus, if i do put in work, and it still isn't good, I'm not one of those fake it chicks so you just might get ur ego bruised. Better I lay there and let you THINK it wasn't all your fault. LOL.

  3. i believe for good s*x to happen it takes good chemistry between two people. sure you might think i'm the best thing since sliced bread between the sheets but the next woman might think i'm terrible. it just boils down to sexual compatibility.

    since i am a man and i'm speaking from experience i hate the bump on a log syndrome some women have. s*x is 50/50. you can't expect me to do the majority of the work and then blame me when things don't go so well. perhaps if you stopped being so lazy then we would have had a better time.

    there are also a lot more factors that go into a good sexual performance than just laying there or laziness. foreplay, position switching, propensity to oral gratification and enthusiasm all play a role.

    on another note just because a man cums it doesn't mean the s*x was great ladies. there's a difference between firing off a .22 caliber and a .50 desert eagle. a big difference.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-315758">

      MadScientist7: there’s a difference between firing off a .22 caliber and a .50 desert eagle. a big difference.

      Tell that to the guy that doesnt get to fire off anything…

    2. There's some truth here that people overlooking, this "sexual chemistry' thing is the reason why your girl is getting her back blown out by that dude from her past. Ladies, put your church fans down, men do this too. Women have a dude who they really like in bed, but they know a relationship would never work out with.

      1. yep. i've been on the other side of that. the dude she's currently seeing is kinda wack in the sack. so maybe for the first couple of months she still wants to get it in till she realizes that she'd rather sacrifice good sex for everything else (i.e.- a relationship)

  4. If it's bad it's the both of your fault! That being said, it can't be amazing every time. Another thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with reading up on it. I don't know why people think they're above that.

  5. Every woman reading this post just said, “The guy!”

    Nope, my initial reaction was "both people share the blame"

    (And of course, no head at all means sex isn’t happening.)

    As an oral virgin, i can tell you that^^^ is far from the truth lol

    I think one of the keys to any happy healthy sexual relationship is communication (verbal and non-verbal). People aren't mind readers. While the ideal is you'll sleep with someone who knows all the right ways to touch you, talk to you, etc, that's not reality. And sex is not a "one size fits all" act. Just because Susie liked xyz doesn't mean Tiffany is going to like it. So again, communication is key. Taking the time to learn what your partner likes is important. Also being open enough to state what it is you like makes a huge difference. Closed mouths don't get fed, as they say.

    And it ain't about the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean. There are plenty of well-endowed men out there that lack skills as there are less well-endowed men that know what they are doing. I imagine the trick is to properly learn how to use what you have. But since i don't "have" i can't say for sure.

    I think its worth mentioning, that not everything works with/for everybody. Speaking as a bigger girl, i can tell you that there are just some moves that you can only accomplish if you are slim or dealing with a slim chick. Similarly, the size of the dude's parts will dictate what kind of moves the ladies can use, should they choose to take the lead

    1. "Nope, my initial reaction was “both people share the blame”

      That was my first reaction as well but I do think there are times that the majority of the blame can be on one person (male/female).

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-315761">

      Lady Ngo:

      (And of course, no head at all means sex isn’t happening.)

      As an oral virgin…

      Is what stuck out to me the most…

      A few questions:

      1. Why?

      2. Is the act being desired by the man?

      3. Are you saying "No, i don't do that" or "Only for my bf, husband, or whatever"?

      4. Why?

      Miscellaneous statements:

      1. WTF

      2. Get Off Garbage

      3. Make A Real Move

      4. "Just give him a kiss"……..*sigh* ……… "No, a french kiss"

      5. Pleaseeeeeeeeee

      6. GatDayum

      1. To answer your questions:

        1- i have never been moved to do so. To be quite honest the thought of doing so repulses me in ways you can't imagine. I wish it didn't, but it does.

        2- I've yet to encounter any man that doesn't want it, lover or friend alike

        3- My husband will be the only one to get it. Im not trying to have him stray but deep down in my spirit im hoping he's cool with not getting it.

        In regards to the miscellaneous statements:

        LMAO, i've pretty much heard every argument in the book to try and sway me, including 4-6. Some other lovely gems have been: "There's a first time for everything", "Don't you want it to be perfect for your husband? You should practice on me", "C'mon man, i'll do you if you do me" and a host of others.

        In the spirit of fairness though, i never ask for oral favors since i know im not returning them (not that that stops folks from givin)

        1. Question.. no offense but how old are you?

          And the (old) Golden rule is.. What you won't do, someone else will.

        2. Hey Girl… Hey

          I get what you're saying, I mean you just can't be putting lips to any and everybody's piece nowadays HPV is real amongst other diseases/infections, so wanting to save that for your husband or at least BF is a given and understandable, but I can tell you right now you won't find a man who would be COOL in not getting mic checked from time to time and if he is………………. #Feel Free to Fill in the Blank

          IJS

        3. In the New Milennium Bible there are a few more commandments that God added:

          1) Thou shall not pollute the earth.

          2) Women shall give head.

          3) Thou shall not covet their neighbor's wife, without getting the head nod approval that it's cool.

          4) Thou shall not search for the lie, if you snoop what you find, is no longer sin.

          5) Thou shall not leave mothers to raise kids alone.

        4. I agree with the no head, no go being far from the truth. Oral virgin here too…. until about last month lol. And I'm 23. But I never had an issue with sex without it either. Yea they asked but I wasn't with it. Couldn't bring myself to. Figured I would eventually but it had to be on me deciding to. As far as receiving, I NEVER asked cause I knew I wasn't gonna return it. Now if he does it himself also knowing I'm not going to, hey… But, yea. It's not always a deal breaker with sex.

  6. Both parties are responsible for poor coitus point blank.

    Women can't just lay there spread eagle and expect to be enraptured while their partner puts in work. Chances are, he'll finish and you'll be left there wondering what happened. Sometimes however, the right chemistry is just absent and there isn't anything you can do about that despite aesthetics, Richard size, etc. I've encountered a pretty well endowed man who was hitting the right spots but for whatever reason I couldn't get into it. He was rather awkward with his rhythm and for the life of me I couldn't match him stroke for stroke, I really tried =(

  7. It's not just communication that is important, but expectations play a large role too. I don't care to go into any details at the moment, but we if we've been having sex long enough (though going by yesterday's post the majority of women here are virgins or had sex with the one man that will have their children *rollseyes*) you have your own tastes and peccadilloes. Some people aren't willingly to cross certain boundaries that are for one partner the norm but for the other is completely outrageous and disgusting.

    You can have all the open wavelengths in the world. If you're not going to fundamentally agree on anything though, then it's all for naught.

  8. I would say its both, either, or it could be neither. Sometimes sh*t just doesn't go right for whatever reason. I've learned that I get soft when when I get too hot, so I stay out of the kitchen. I also learned that some woman think a lot during sex which prevents them from getting to the O. I had some alright pucci from some great performers and some stupendous pucci from some starfish. So it really all just depends on the person and situation

    1. "I had some alright pucci from some great performers and some stupendous pucci from some starfish. So it really all just depends on the person and situation"

      I approve this statement.

  9. It's a two person (or multi-person, if that's your thing) affair in which one person can't shoulder all the blame. BUT… that doesn't mean that one person can't take the majority. lol Hands down, first and foremost there should be some communication.

    Does she like it nice and slow or fast and reckless? No Nelly. Not everyone wants to be pushed up and against the wall or have their arms pinned down (I don't know why), so you have to find out if she's a take-it-easy type or the grab-my-neck type. I can't even say it's a matter of foreplay, because I've been told (by a very small minority of women) that everyone doesn't need it. Though I still believe the saying men are more like light-switches and are pretty much ready to go on demand, and women are more like volume knobs. They get there with a little more prep time.

    It's usually a game of the "how's" and "when's". Knowing how to touch (along with where 'cause she has nerve endings everywhere, not just the rated-R zones), when to move/change tempo, how to seamlessly switch from one position to another, etc. Fellas, it really can come down to the details to get you from B to A+ (or so I hear). lol

    Ladies, please, Please, PLEASE listen to me when I say DON'T JUST LAY THERE! Move, participate, sh!t, fake a seizure, but do something! If not, that will get you a one-way ticket to "I'm about to spit on her back and call it a night" land. #ImJustSayin

    1. "Ladies, please, Please, PLEASE listen to me when I say DON’T JUST LAY THERE! Move, participate, sh!t, fake a seizure, but do something! If not, that will get you a one-way ticket to “I’m about to spit on her back and call it a night” land. #ImJustSayin"

      Dead!!!

    2. @TWIsM81: <i?Knowing how to touch (along with where ’cause she has nerve endings everywhere, not just the rated-R zones)

      LAWD knows… this is the truth!! If you do it right… my forearm, rib cage, kneecap and everything else will become a hotzone. LMAO. Oh wait, tmi.

  10. It's fine for the ladies to be active verbally during sex, but when she starts screaming "get this p***y Daddy!" Or "beat this sh*t outta da frame!" Then that's just been wicked cos' that just makes the nut come out soon in excitement. I'm not saying its totally a bad thing (I got love for the screamers), I'm just saying a dude needs to zone his mind out to make it last longer

    1. Mannnnnnnnnnn, when the screaming starts to hit the Red area … i completely lose focus and fail … I start thinking about my neighbors and their kids and then i'm like "why the F is she screaming THIS loud", "For real tho" … I'm talking Scary Movie shrieking … that ish is simply uncalled for … It's not like i'm on some Horse/Mandingo ish or we're taping Saw 125, so GTFOH … Just stay in the green to mid yellow/orange area and we're fine … Anything over that will prolly result in bad sex (Shame on me).

      1. LOL Some women do be a little EXTRA with it. I'm like, "she GOT to be faking," no Seinfeld. I feel you on the neighbors because I live in an apartment and well……………….I think everyone knows the goings on that be goings on, if you know what I'm sayin.

      2. See you putting restraints on the noise level. Why cant you just let her be great. lol!

        This reminds me of Kelis (in happier times) saying her and Nas bought a house away from others so she could be loud as she wanted.

        I guess some guys do not want the neighbors to know their names.

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-315813">

          Kema:

          I guess some guys do not want the neighbors to know their names.

          I don't want the POLICE to know my name!!!!

        2. <blockquote cite="comment-315818">

          @Top5DOA: I don’t want the POLICE to know my name!!!!

          WORD! lol…. "I beat the P***y up, call me LARRY HOLMES" <——– That's Domestic Violence right there yo.

  11. Niecey:
    Swear it’s the guys fault!!!
    Seriously, I need a reason to go all in. So if the dick ain’t good when he’s rockin it, it’s not gonna get any better if I put in extra effort.Plus, if i do put in work, and it still isn’t good, I’m not one of those fake it chicks so you just might get ur ego bruised.Better I lay there and let you THINK it wasn’t all your fault. LOL.

    Wouldn't you have a better time if you just told him what to do?

  12. I see the "Don't Just Lay There" line being thrown out there and Oh My it's sooooo true. Not saying that I don't mind a woman simply laying on her back, but that's after we've already made moves MULTIPLE times in life. Laying there like a dead carcass on the first blaze is a CARDINAL SIN. A woman who's sole intent is just to lay on her back and spread her legs and not move an inch the first time ya have sex in my eyes tells me that she doesn't care about the guy or about maximizing the situation, but rather to just have "a penis" enter and partially exit her juicebox. I've only had one chronic beached whale and she happened to be the prettiest, back side blessed woman i've encountered. Needless to say, I failed to get stimulated (SMH) all 3 times (Sue me).

    Quicker than the average orgasms, loss of focus, the inability to change stroke speeds, and lack of getting to know her body all generally result in bad sex on the man's end.

    I will end with this … (Sparked by a Twitter Question) Ladies, by no means should you be faking orgasms with a consistent partner. Look, I know good and well your not going to have an orgasm every time we have sex, so you don't have to sell me a dream that i'm killing it. For goodness sakes, I can tell the difference. The oven gets hotter the closer you are to an orgasm, so you can't have an orgasm at 250 degrees… 475-Broil —–> yes … 250 —-> No. Men appreciate the fact that you want to be his personal ego booster, but communicate to him what he needs to be on in order for you to actually have an orgasm (since clearly he already doesn't know).

    1. I see the “Don’t Just Lay There” line being thrown out there and Oh My it’s sooooo true. Not saying that I don’t mind a woman simply laying on her back, but that’s after we’ve already made moves MULTIPLE times in life. Laying there like a dead carcass on the first blaze is a CARDINAL SIN. A woman who’s sole intent is just to lay on her back and spread her legs and not move an inch the first time ya have s*x in my eyes tells me that she doesn’t care about the guy or about maximizing the situation, but rather to just have "a johnson" enter and partially exit her juicebox. I’ve only had one chronic beached whale and she happened to be the prettiest, back side blessed woman i’ve encountered. Needless to say, I failed to get stimulated (SMH) all 3 times (Sue me).

      Quicker than the average orgasms, loss of focus, the inability to change stroke speeds, and lack of getting to know her body all generally result in bad s*x on the man’s end.

      I will end with this … (Sparked by a Twitter Question) Ladies, by no means should you be faking orgasms with a consistent partner. Look, I know good and well your not going to have an orgasm every time we have s*x, so you don’t have to sell me a dream that i’m killing it. For goodness sakes, I can tell the difference. The oven gets hotter the closer you are to an orgasm, so you can’t have an orgasm at 250 degrees… 475-Broil —–> yes … 250 —-> No. Men appreciate the fact that you want to be his personal ego booster, but communicate to him what he needs to be on in order for you to actually have an orgasm (since clearly he already doesn’t know).

  13. S3x is a team effort. If the sex is consistently bad.. then both parties need to figure out what's wrong. Open communication helps so never feel afraid to ask what your partner(partners if you nasty) what they like and keep hearing out for verbal, physical cues during chexing time.

    On top of that, I got collections of books that go over so many things and techniques and deep understanding of how our body responds during sex. I have books on how to please women and books that are written for women on how to please men. It helps me to get a better picture from both side (#noSwitchHitter) of the coin.

    Most importantly, practive practice and practice!

  14. I guess I think of chex the same way I do salsa dancing. I expect the man to lead. When he is great… we are great. Also, as others have said a big part of this is chemistry.

  15. <blockquote cite="comment-315786">

    DeKeLa:
    S3x is a team effort.

    On top of that, I got collections of books that go over so many things and techniques and deep understanding of how our body responds during sex.

    The team effort thing is right on! If you're not going to contribute then why participate? And I'll admit I'm a reformed starfish.

    And books (or the internet)! Your mom can't teach you everything!

    Dekela, what titles do you recommend?

    1. I got them in my collection at the crib, I'll try to send titles after work (ain't tryna look up adult books on work computer) or hit me up on the side. nise69 @ aol.com

  16. (And of course, no head at all means sex isn’t happening.)

    Not true in the slightest. I always forego head if she's going to treat it like some sort of formality. Rather not waste my time doing it if you're just going to do it because you believe it's part of the process.

      1. Pshhhhttt … it is apart of the process and she doesn't have to be 100% down for me to want it. Letting women get away with not doing it cuz they happened to sigh or show apprehension is the reason why you have some women who've never done it. At first its a NO, then its a Idk, then its a *sigh* then its a "Okay" then it's just done without prompting. It's a process. Don't let them opt out too early cuz they seem disinterested. That's making it more difficult for cats like me. I'm in favor of favors.

        1. Hah! I was thinking the same thing. Of course in reverse. Maybe I'm selfish but the person performing the act doesnt have to like it in order for me to like it. lol! Makes it better but not necessary.

        2. I understand what you're saying, however I'm vehemently against dispassionate head. Like put my pants back on and go type of thing. I'm not going to do it just to be bored. Waste of my time.

    1. BUT WHO SAW SINGLE LADIES THIS WEEK?!?!?!?!

      Dude had everything going for himself until he was like, "Not going down on a chick." Stacey kicked him out the crib and deaded the whole relationship. I was waiting for a lingerie scene and he ruined it!

  17. <blockquote cite="comment-315799">

    DeKeLa: Question.. no offense but how old are you?And the (old) Golden rule is.. What you won’t do, someone else will.

    <blockquote cite="comment-315799">

    No offense taken at all. Im 24 years old. As for the Golden Rule, while there is definitely some truth to it, in my opinion its just high-end peer pressure. If a dude wants to step out or leave me because of something as trivial as that, than adios mi amigo! I don't think im being unreasonable, especially since im not demanding cunnilingus and im not saying never, im just saying never without a commitment, a vow before God, and two rings lol. If a dude can't accept or respect that, he is more than welcome to take his business elsewhere. No hate and no judgment (maybe a slight side-eye though)

    1. you 24 years old and you don't give cranium?Damnnn… I respect your principle though #nohate

      I guess I gotta be more grateful for some of these females here in my College. They bless the Mic with no grudges…

      1. People are overreacting a bit. I know plenty of women who don't do that until they in a relationship with a dude, like well into a relationship with a dude. Maybe she never been in a relationship that was deep enough for her to want to do it. That don't mean a dude is going to turn down the poon though. Dudes will smash a chick and not even know her name or remember her face a few years later, they don't care all that much about some head. A woman like this can get through life just fine.

        1. yo J, you saying that line had me trying to remember all the faces…. and I couldn't…

          I don;t know how I feel about that

        2. <blockquote cite="comment-315860">
          Lady Ngo:
          For the record, i’ve been engaged before and he was nowhere near peacing out because he wasn’t gettin any noggin lol.

          Mind blowing!!! Well from a pun standpoint, not really…

  18. bad sex is subjective to the individual, like bad sex for me is when a man pounding me like it's his last beat ever, this is when sex no long becomes pleasurable and i just want to get the hell out of there. I'm sure some women somewhere who enjoys torture, would love that.

    SB: so what exactly are women suppose to do during sex to make it better?.. this a real question, I'm an novice.

    1. @SamIAm928

      I think you may wanna check out a frequent SBM commenter and 1/3 of my internet trio's blog: Max – Logic . com

      Pointers galore & about 75.3% of her posts contain the word "f*ck"… you have been warned.

    2. You need to let me beat…. Its the only way to save your chex life.

      Seriously, I have heard it a million times from girls. I didn't know what I was doing until he turned me out. If you are bad, not bad with one person due to lack of chemistry, but literally a dead fish… than you need someone who is bold and perverted… and perhaps big just for extra kicks and giggles. But let a slime get his hands on you. You would be surprise how being told how nasty you are can boast your self confidence.

      Or you can find a sponor. A p7on star that you can model yourself after. Everyone has a favorite, but you really need to find one that fits you and what you do. Somebody who gets the kind of reaction from their co-star that you want. Maybe a girl you look at at get excited, not b/c you are attracted to her, but you want to feel how she expresses herself. It might be an amatuer vid you see on home grown freeks, who knows but someone is out there and they are showing you everything you need to know. #TeamJustinSlayer #TeamRicoStrong #TeamJuliusCeasher

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-315844">

        CHeeKZ Money: You need to let me beat…. Its the only way to save your chex life.

        Preacher: Dear heavenly father we are gathered here today to put to rest the soul of Doctor Jay, join me in prayer.

  19. I'm going to go ahead and agree with what some people have already said…its about communication for sure. Not everyone likes the same thing, and not everyone likes the same thing all the time.

    Bad s*x 9 times out of 10 is blamed on BOTH parties.

    I also think its so important to be compatable with somebody too. If you're super freaky and your man is not…welp dont really care what ya do, someone's not getting satified. If you find that person you mesh with and have chemistry with…that's when you get GREAT s*x. And if I have that chemistry with somebody that I care about I wanna keep him happy…"can't knock it til you tried it" thats what I say.

  20. "Just having a vagina doesn’t qualify as being in tune with a guys needs"

    THIS! I have a friend that is gorgeous and she swears that she doesn't put in much work because "she doesn't have to". SMH. I keep waiting for her to call me and say she caught her man cheating. My opinion is if you are in a loving MONOGAMOUS relationship then its nasty-chandelier-hanging-wake-the-neighbors time. Pull out the bag of tricks and get it in. pause. Bad sex should be blamed on both parties involved. If the chemistry isn't there that is one thing but if you aren't even trying? You know what the worse is? Repetitive bad sex, like who does that? You know it's bad but you keep doing it just to do it? WHY? You don't know what to do? There are blogs like Max.logic to teach you a thing or two and self help kama sutra books. There really isn’t a good excuse for "bad sex". #ijs

  21. <blockquote cite="comment-315814">

    BP: You know what the worse is? Repetitive bad sex, like who does that? You know it’s bad but you keep doing it just to do it? WHY?

    i guess bad sex is better than no sex to some. *shrug*

        1. I agree. I'll admit I'll take bad s*x over no s*x. It's hard out here in these streets, no pun intended. Can't flirt with the hoodrats then pop models every night. If I find myself thirsty during a particularly long drought, I'd rather drink MD 20/20 than go without.

          Yeah, I said it.

        2. REALLY?!? All men can't feel that way. I mean… what is the purpose of "bad sex" just so you can say you came? Can't you handle that at home with Palmela?!….you get the same end result.

        3. <blockquote cite="comment-315857">

          BP:

          REALLY?!? All men can’t feel that way. I mean… what is the purpose of “bad sex” just so you can say you came? Can’t you handle that at home with Palmela?!….you get the same end result.

          Palmela & Blu Dumaine!!!

  22. Yeah, I have to agree with those that stated bad sex is to blamed on both parties. Well…wait…if it's our first encounter and I thought it sucked while he thought it was wonderful…then it ALL HIS FAULT ONLY. LOL! Been there, done that. However, in the case of a relationship where one person is consistently not being please, it is the fault of the person not being pleased. I say that because, the onus lies on you to communicate to your partner your desires. If after those needs are communicated, they still don't get it, Houston we have a problem.

    For those women that believe that ‘good’ sex is determined by the man only…that’s a set up for him to go searching for that one that will make it a point to make sure it's GREAT.

    I love hearing moans and hearing my man say "damn" too! I get off on that. So a woman is surely missing out if she isn't doing her best to make it THE BEST. Also, it's up to the man to teach his woman HOW to please HIM. Walk her through how you like it. If you are allowing your girl to just lay there, maybe she thinks that's what she's supposed to do. SAY SOMETHING! DUH! That is hopefully the one time you should be able to tell your partner to do something and they happily get to work.

    None of us are born with a sex manual. So, those skills are acquired with experience. This beast wasn't born overnight. It takes patience and a great teacher to tell you how to do THEM. Furthermore, pleasure comes in different forms, so what works today may not work tomorrow and what worked on her may not work on that other chick. Just laying there should not be an option Queens. Get into it, work it like you dancing on the dance floor….have fun…and LISTEN TO HIM. That's how you can tell what he likes….

    Glad it's FRIDAY!

  23. <blockquote cite="comment-315808">

    SamIAm928:

    SB: so what exactly are women suppose to do during sex to make it better?.. this a real question, I’m an novice.

    Don't ask us, ask him!

    1. I have some suggestions, and I'm a woman. It'll be better for you and him:

      -Throw it back…don't just lay there, and don't be shy about it either. Match his rhythm with your own strokes. Move those hips.

      -Dirty talk doesn't hurt either

      -Be enthusiastic…show him you want it…hell make him want you

      This stuff may sound elementary, but alot of women forget about these things

        1. Sam, I thought that was Lauren London on the site for a second, nice gravatar.

          I would say one of the best ways to get good at it, would be to watch some videos on the internet. You know, those videos. You'll learn some things. And then go to Borders and get some literature. And then practice makes perfect. Like I'll tell you right now, two virgins who never watch a single dirty video or read a book, if they have s*x all the time for like 3 years they gonna get good at it.

  24. <blockquote cite="comment-315788">

    Kema: I guess I think of chex the same way I do salsa dancing. I expect the man to lead. When he is great… we are great. Also, as others have said a big part of this is chemistry.

    I get what you are saying. Because if he is great he is going to make you want to please him. There will be no way around it. Every woman will run across that man that she cannot say no too. At least if she's lucky she will, but chemistry is a BIG FACTOR in that as well. If you aren't feeling him on all levels not just sexual, it will be hard to give him your all.

    That's why having sex just for the sake of getting one off, is out of question once you've had it done right. There is no going back. Trust me when I tell you there is a bonus to being in love. Lust alone can't even TOUCH love and lust together

  25. I havent' read the comments but I'll say both parties can be responsible. everyone has off days and awkward moments at times but I think it can go either way with genders.

    also, chemistry counts for much. MUCH. and like LexSteele said I'm not above looking in the mirror to see what I look like. I think when you're putting in your best work you know it. nothing wrong with admiring it. LOL

  26. I'm gonna be honest. I've been looking at avatars very closely and clicking on links where possible today. My mind is curious and you never know when someone might just live down the street.

    Just sayin…

  27. Anybody gonna keep it 100 and say you blamed an accident on a chick's inability? Have you ever had to use one of these lines to explain something?

    "My heart's not in it."

    "You're just not doing it for me."

    The worse accidents don't always come from things going too quickly, sometimes it's just some Jack and/or Coke, whatever you are into. #yadig

    The best is trying to explain when you finished to early. That's real spit though, Marvin Gaye got got off someone busting first and asking questions later. That guy went to jail, but maybe one of these days you have to be like:

    "You was going too fast!"

    "You can't give a man head and stop early and then expect him to last all long and shit!"

    I'm not even joking with this comment.

  28. Reasons i've failed:

    -Got tired (as in winded)

    -X Chick before stole my mojo (a Top 5 duggry session)…Unexpected blaze with Y chick later that day caught me off guard… Didn't have the juice…smh

    -It was too hot in the box from the get go

    -Thinking about X, Y, Z

    -Condom dried the hell up

    -Caught a cramp

    -Lacked the appropriate sex drive at the time

    *Sh*t Happens*

  29. <blockquote cite="comment-315860">

    Lady Ngo:

    For the record, i’ve been engaged before and he was nowhere near peacing out because he wasn’t gettin any noggin lol.

    you must have diamonds and rubies falling out your pu$$y

  30. weird s*x can also count as bad s*x ( weirdness is relative though)

    Like accidentally screaming out your ex's name,

    saying random creepy stuff like "OMG baby, hold up, lemme get that dog food on the table, I wanna do some freaky sh*t with it"

    Sh*t is real out there.

  31. Men are responsible forwhen ish goes right in copulation, and when things go awry…. Women have so many worries pre-sex….God bless her if she can focus on actually having sex…

  32. Bad sex is subjective, and the reason for bad sex depends on who is involved. The man can be good and the woman can be bad, and vice versa. When you're in a relationship, you gotta find what works for the both of you and tailor your bag of tricks to what your partner enjoys. If you're having causal sex…well I don't know the solution to that. I'm not putting down causal sex because I've had my share of it but it was never, ever good. The best sex I've ever had has been with the two men in my life that I've been in love with (not at the same time lol). When you're in love, the sex goes to a whole other level, especially if the person you're in love with knows what they're doing. There's just something about sex with someone you love that makes you want to f*ck the living sh*t…imma stop

  33. While I agree with alot of what's been said, I'll go ahead and throw in my two cents. I feel it's mostly the fault of whoever isn't pulling their weight. Great sex is a team effort. One person can't do it alone. I look at past partners and realize the reason the sex was weak was because I wasn't into it. I wasnt putting forth effort. In my last relationship, every time we had sex we both thought it was amazing. Every time for over 2.5 years. And I realized it was partly because we had great chemistry, but also because we both worked to please each other. There was no half-assing it on either side. I think in order to have great sex, you have to know what your partner likes. and no selfishness.

  34. The blame game is problematic. Anyone can have an off day however if its consistently bad I would say it has little to do with sex although it manifests there, and everything to do with poor communication and an unwillingness on both peoples part to rise up and be accountable for the lack of stimulation in the bedroom and have a real adult conversation about what sex, sexuality, what feels good, what doesn't and how things can be made better. Men and women have preconcieved ideas about each other and most of the time this is never talked about. Some men complain about women not being active enough during intercourse and some women complain about men not knowing what to do, each having unrealistic expectations without tuning each other in on what they want and how they want it.

    When I speak with my women friends they say, "he just wants to just jam it in and hamper away like he is doing construction," " he doesn't take his time and caress me and he is a sloppy eater," and my response would be, "why don't you ask for what you want?" And there automatic response would be, "he suppose to know," and I'd ask, "why, is he a mind reader, how is he suppose to know what you feel inside your body if you dont take the time to tell him, better yet show him."

    When I speak with my male friends and men in general there complaints runs the gambit, "she's always wearing these old panties, coming to bed with old t-shirts and sweats, its not sexy, I want her to dress up for me." or "She just lays there and won't move, don't make sounds so I'll know it feels good for her," and my response would be, "do you buy her sexy things, do you dress up sexy for her, do you go to bed wearing silk boxers and smelling delicious?" " Do you ask her if it feels good, do you whisper baby show me what feels good for you, tell me where to touch you or ask what turns you on, do you show her how to touch you, what turns you on?" And they would look at me perplexed as if I had asked them to recite the world summit speech.

    The thing is both men and women seem it easier to blame the other for the lack of intimacy and sexual satisfaction and are unwilling to set aside their egos and discomfort and have a real frank discussion about what lights their fire. We have a responsibility to each other to communicate and teach each other what we want, need and desire. If in the finally analysis things are to incompartable then both parties have some thinking to do and some decisions to make. Not everyone is into the same things or willing to go into unknow terrirtory that makes them uncomfortable nor should they have to but they must be willing to go there in the communication apsect of the conversation. If you cannot talk about it then you shouldn't be doing it, its that simple.

  35. I just dont see it as being that simple… meaning that bad s*x is both the guys and the girls fault. I think that it is either the guy or the girl who is bad. There are lots of women who have no problem saying that "it" was not great or plain out bad, but how many men will say that the the Pu$$y was sub-par? some of my female friends often say that their hand is way better than any man but I can say that some time alone and my hand can out perform any woman's best day. Now is that what I prefer…hellz no! A lot of the comments referred to chemistry and that works but you can still have bad s3x with great chemistry. I have some ex's where the chemistry could NOT start a chemical fire if it we wanted too but the s3x was amazin. There is no way to determine fault in who is bad but I can say this that just because there is nothing danglin between your legs means that you are great… guys fake it too!

    1. lol, lol, lol Half a_MAZIN you make me laugh not in a dimissal way but in a yeah I gotacha kinda way, "how many men will say that the the Pu$$y was sub-par?" you'd be surprised, many. I like how you put it though.

      Yeah i know guys fake it to, I don't know why anyone would, it takes too much damn energy. If its good its good, if its not then its not. I mean the subject of why sex is bad can be debated till the end of time because frankly there are a lot of variables that haven't been discussed i.e. sexual violation, culture, religion etc. The point is if two mature (assuming) adults are going to engage in sex they should be able to discuss what works, what doesn't, how far they are willing or unwilling to go otherwise what's the point? Might as well watch a good movie or play solitaire if you gonna keep silent.

  36. So I'm 3 days late but could not pass up commenting! From a women's perspective at the end if the day I think the only person we can hold responsible for our satisfaction is us. Now granted there are factors that play into this such as the little guy having some staying power, a decent stoke and the ability to follow do-rec-tions! There are still a lot women who do not know how to please themselves so they damn sure can't direct someone else on how to do it!
    Ex. He has the right equipment, and the staying power all u need to say is in the sexist voice you can conjure up is, "let me get on top" . Climb aboard and get yours. After that if he didn't join you he'll more than likely flip you over and go for what he knows with renewed gusto from witnessing the sexist rodeo of his day.
    Ladies get to know yourselves a little more personally – every woman should fail proof have a "come quick" move

  37. Not to be prudish or anything but being in a relationship helps better your sex life. It's so easy to address w/e sexual needs you may have with your partner and then work it out. The result? Good sex. It's harder to achieve that without steadiness.

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