There are a few sounds in a Black man’s life that he will always know without having to be taught or experiencing them. I remember the first time that I heard gunshots ring out on the basketball court, I didn’t need someone to tell me what it was or how to react, it was instinct. I went and got under the playground as fast as I could. At an age where walking on top of the monkey bars was the extent of my play during recess, as a young boy, I knew that the sound of a gunshot meant eminent danger for all Black men. There’s only one sound worst that a man can ever hear; it’s actually two different causes, but they both have the same sound. They are, the sound of a cellblock locking down and “I’m pregnant.” And most men react the same way, “25 years, no parole, sh*t. I’d rather be dead.”
This isn’t the case for all men, surely there are some men who are happy when they find out their significant other or wife is pregnant … we’re not talking about those types of men. We’re talking about a few type of men who are typically single, or maybe he’s a husband to another woman. Anyhow, the case is they just don’t want the kid. Why? I have my theories and I’ll share them below, but the biggest reason is fear. This all comes down to the fear of fatherhood. Because no matter how much women continue to try and convince a man that children don’t have to change his life, he knows that they will. Here are several observations that I’ve made about these men and why they holler, “That kid ain’t mine!”
He’s sleeping with other women, why couldn’t you do the same?
The thing about accusations is that they are imprints and echoes of our own demons. A man tells himself, that there is a possibility since he’s been dipping out on you that maybe you’ve been dipping out on him. This leads him to believe that there is a chance the child is not his. He feels the need to say something because a lot of men have been tricked into fatherhood and found out later that the kid wasn’t even his. Granted, many of these men still consider themselves the father after 14 -15 years go by and they are the primary caregivers.
Women tend to pick the better man as the father.
Let’s face it; men are not the only ones who sleep with multiple people. The numbers are sky rocketing everyday on each relationship survey about how many women have ever had a bout with infidelity. I believe the number is near 70% for the amount of women who have considered having an affair outside their relationship or marriage. In my opinion, you can go one step further to say that there’s a good chance that she won’t tell Dayrian (pronounced Darien) that he’s going to have to stop selling weed and get a real job, but she will tell Jonathan Lawson, J.D., that he should ask a schoolmate to draw up a child support agreement for their child.
“That kid ain’t mine” is a very covert way of answering the question, “What do you think I should do?”
I don’t think men are really equipped for the question, “What do you think I should do?” from the woman. Does he really reply with his initial reaction? And women should chill all the way out with the rising anger right now. Don’t forget that you might be the best thing Dayrian has ever had in his life and he jumps at the opportunity to be in your life forever. But nonetheless, most women would agree that your thought process is a little different when you realize that you have to do it all by yourself.
He’s trying to buy himself some time.
As you know how conventional Dr. J wisdom goes, “Sometimes you don’t go to trial because you’re innocent; you go to beat the case.” They sat down Orenthal James Simpson in a room and put the evidence on the table and said, “This is what we’re offering.” O.J. was guilty as hell, but you know what he said, “I’ll just beat the case with time.” There’s a chance that a paternity test comes back as a fail and he gets off. If you’re looking at a life sentence, wouldn’t you take that last bet for 5% chance that the system is faulty and it comes back, “You are not the father!”
He has a family already.
I think I speak for all politicians and athletes when I say that there’s a good chance that if you’re not happy that some girl is pregnant then she is probably the other woman. Your wife is at home and you’re trying to save your happy home. Not everyone is as gangster as Conan to basically keep it on the low that your nanny’s son is Arnold’s and not Hector’s.
He’s not ready to be a Dad.
Before I get started, sometimes I wish that we made better decisions beforehand based on both sexes realizing that they are not ready to be parents. I know a girl right now who is dealing with some stuff on this side, but this girl used to be out at every nightspot, every night at a different table each night. There is nothing about that girl that said, “I’m ready to be a mother.” But anyway, when you think about fear, it’s the fact that your life changes a great deal when you become a parent and most men aren’t ready to make that type of commitment. They know that their credit is not right, their finances are not right, or they are not where they need to be in terms of career. They get scared sh*tless and their first reaction is their worse reaction, “That kid ain’t mine.” I’ve even known a man to go as far as to say this with little to no evidence whatsoever and then move to Guatemala.
Yeah, today we’re talking about real stuff. As lighthearted as I’m trying to make it, some of you reading here today have been in this situation. Maybe, it wasn’t this situation, maybe it was, “I’m not ready to be no father” or “I can’t have no kid” which translated into, “You’ll be doing this all on your own.” Maury Povich makes us laugh at this situation, but in reality, it’s very different. Some men will go to great lengths to avoid being a father if they think they can; they’ll use public embarrassment or even flat out denial. I thought about what if men lied about their kids the way women lie about their partners. After all women only bring that number down out of fear that you might think she’s a lesser woman. It’s easy to get mad; it’s harder to understand that it’s fear. It’s the fear that your entire life is about to taken away from you and it causes men to act reckless.
More Information about, That Kid Ain’t Mine Tracklist: Hootie Hoo / Billie Jean / Gold Digger / Shorty Was Da Bomb / Meet The Parents / Brenda Got A Baby