Home Featured That Kid Ain’t Mine: Why Men Deny Fatherhood

That Kid Ain’t Mine: Why Men Deny Fatherhood

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"That baby ain't mine." - Eddie Murphy (Yes, he really said that.)

There are a few sounds in a Black man’s life that he will always know without having to be taught or experiencing them. I remember the first time that I heard gunshots ring out on the basketball court, I didn’t need someone to tell me what it was or how to react, it was instinct. I went and got under the playground as fast as I could. At an age where walking on top of the monkey bars was the extent of my play during recess, as a young boy, I knew that the sound of a gunshot meant eminent danger for all Black men. There’s only one sound worst that a man can ever hear; it’s actually two different causes, but they both have the same sound. They are, the sound of a cellblock locking down and “I’m pregnant.” And most men react the same way, “25 years, no parole, sh*t. I’d rather be dead.”

This isn’t the case for all men, surely there are some men who are happy when they find out their significant other or wife is pregnant … we’re not talking about those types of men. We’re talking about a few type of men who are typically single, or maybe he’s a husband to another woman. Anyhow, the case is they just don’t want the kid. Why? I have my theories and I’ll share them below, but the biggest reason is fear. This all comes down to the fear of fatherhood. Because no matter how much women continue to try and convince a man that children don’t have to change his life, he knows that they will. Here are several observations that I’ve made about these men and why they holler, “That kid ain’t mine!”

Back again, Dr. Jay & DJ Todd bring you the weekly mix, That Kid Ain’t Mine, stream it here, or download it here.



He’s sleeping with other women, why couldn’t you do the same?

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The thing about accusations is that they are imprints and echoes of our own demons. A man tells himself, that there is a possibility since he’s been dipping out on you that maybe you’ve been dipping out on him. This leads him to believe that there is a chance the child is not his. He feels the need to say something because a lot of men have been tricked into fatherhood and found out later that the kid wasn’t even his. Granted, many of these men still consider themselves the father after 14 -15 years go by and they are the primary caregivers.

Women tend to pick the better man as the father.

Let’s face it; men are not the only ones who sleep with multiple people. The numbers are sky rocketing everyday on each relationship survey about how many women have ever had a bout with infidelity. I believe the number is near 70% for the amount of women who have considered having an affair outside their relationship or marriage. In my opinion, you can go one step further to say that there’s a good chance that she won’t tell Dayrian (pronounced Darien) that he’s going to have to stop selling weed and get a real job, but she will tell Jonathan Lawson, J.D., that he should ask a schoolmate to draw up a child support agreement for their child.

“That kid ain’t mine” is a very covert way of answering the question, “What do you think I should do?”

I don’t think men are really equipped for the question, “What do you think I should do?” from the woman. Does he really reply with his initial reaction? And women should chill all the way out with the rising anger right now. Don’t forget that you might be the best thing Dayrian has ever had in his life and he jumps at the opportunity to be in your life forever. But nonetheless, most women would agree that your thought process is a little different when you realize that you have to do it all by yourself.

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He’s trying to buy himself some time.

As you know how conventional Dr. J wisdom goes, “Sometimes you don’t go to trial because you’re innocent; you go to beat the case.” They sat down Orenthal James Simpson in a room and put the evidence on the table and said, “This is what we’re offering.” O.J. was guilty as hell, but you know what he said, “I’ll just beat the case with time.” There’s a chance that a paternity test comes back as a fail and he gets off. If you’re looking at a life sentence, wouldn’t you take that last bet for 5% chance that the system is faulty and it comes back, “You are not the father!”

He has a family already.

I think I speak for all politicians and athletes when I say that there’s a good chance that if you’re not happy that some girl is pregnant then she is probably the other woman. Your wife is at home and you’re trying to save your happy home. Not everyone is as gangster as Conan to basically keep it on the low that your nanny’s son is Arnold’s and not Hector’s.

He’s not ready to be a Dad.

Before I get started, sometimes I wish that we made better decisions beforehand based on both sexes realizing that they are not ready to be parents. I know a girl right now who is dealing with some stuff on this side, but this girl used to be out at every nightspot, every night at a different table each night. There is nothing about that girl that said, “I’m ready to be a mother.” But anyway, when you think about fear, it’s the fact that your life changes a great deal when you become a parent and most men aren’t ready to make that type of commitment. They know that their credit is not right, their finances are not right, or they are not where they need to be in terms of career. They get scared sh*tless and their first reaction is their worse reaction, “That kid ain’t mine.” I’ve even known a man to go as far as to say this with little to no evidence whatsoever and then move to Guatemala.

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Yeah, today we’re talking about real stuff. As lighthearted as I’m trying to make it, some of you reading here today have been in this situation. Maybe, it wasn’t this situation, maybe it was, “I’m not ready to be no father” or “I can’t have no kid” which translated into, “You’ll be doing this all on your own.” Maury Povich makes us laugh at this situation, but in reality, it’s very different. Some men will go to great lengths to avoid being a father if they think they can; they’ll use public embarrassment or even flat out denial. I thought about what if men lied about their kids the way women lie about their partners. After all women only bring that number down out of fear that you might think she’s a lesser woman. It’s easy to get mad; it’s harder to understand that it’s fear. It’s the fear that your entire life is about to taken away from you and it causes men to act reckless.

More Information about, That Kid Ain’t Mine Tracklist: Hootie Hoo / Billie Jean / Gold Digger / Shorty Was Da Bomb / Meet The Parents / Brenda Got A Baby

Comment(113)

  1. "Because no matter how much women continue to try and convince a man that children don’t have to change his life, he knows that they will." – Great quote. *cough* The same goes for relationships. *cough*

    I thought these were all pretty valid points but this one right here: He’s not ready to be a Dad. I like how you tied it to fear too. Men never want to admit they fear something. Especially when it comes to…

    Commitment. Fatherhood. A Good Woman. Fear is a mother.

    No pun intended.

  2. Ironically enough, the reason I'm up reading this blog right now is because my 4 month old will not go to sleep. Having children changes your life, that's a given, but no one really understands how much it really changes your life until it happens to you, no matter how many little brothers/sisters/nieces/nephews/cousins you've helped raise.

    Like I've said before, my 2 bundles of joy were unplanned and my fiance coped well the first time, but not the second. He never said anything like "that kid ain't mine," but he was really upset the entire second pregnancy and it really strained on our relationship. Actually, I remember that the first week after we brought our son home (our first), things were really tense. He revealed to me that he just wasn't ready to be a father and he hid this from me because he wanted to be supportive. All that "support" went out the window with the second pregnancy. The birth was still joyous and he loves our daughter with all his heart, but during the pregnancy he was just overwhelmed with being responsible for not one but two young lives. I can understand having that kind of averse reaction to something so unbelievably important and life changing when you are really, truly not ready for it.

    As much as he wasn't ready, he's still stepped up and been an amazing father to our children. I don't care how 'not ready' you are, you need to take responsibility for the life you created. "That kid ain't mine" should only be reserved for immature 16 year olds and men who are truly dealing with complete slatterns. Otherwise, if you had enough b*lls to raw dog it, you can step up and be a father to the child you helped to create.

  3. Umm…. how bout they do it just cuz they can?

    Men do it because they can. Quite plain and simple. You act like women aren't victim of fear, bad timing, poor choice in spouses, poor financial situations, etc. However, unfortunately (or fortunately, for the sake of the child) we are intimately tied to the children we bring into this world in a way men are not. And IN GENERAL, we do not make the choice to just deny our children in the way that men seem to be more prone to doing.

    Women can't deny something that came out their vagina kicking and screaming…. mutilating it along the way. I personally don't understand it, cuz I have yet to be a mommy, but I've witnessed many childbirths. If something wrecked my ish up like that, I'd be pretty mad. However, most women just embrace new baby, wipe the blood off, and immediately fall in love. I've seen it happen time and time again. Doesn't ALWAYS happen, but it takes a…. unique sort of woman to just up and walk away from something that has been sitting in their belly for ~38 wks, growing, moving, kicking, flipping, taking up 1/2 the food that you put in your mouth. Its hard to do for a woman. Men walk away from their flesh and blood all the time. Nothing really unique about that unfortunately.

    Either way, once that thing comes out of your pumpum, its definitely yours… there's no denying it. Whether you're ready to be a mom, financially, emotionally, whatever, that's your baby.

    Men don't have that experience. For better or for worse, and I think it shows in the decisions that many make. And, I must say, in posts like these. Anyway, in my book, fear isn't a valid reason. Because I've met, counseled, interviewed, consoled, new parents. And ALL new parents are afraid. But at least they're not cowards, and choose not to walk away.

    1. "And IN GENERAL, we do not make the choice to just deny our children in the way that men seem to be more prone to doing. "

      In general women don't, they just make the choice to get abortions instead. Therefore it usually never gets to that point.

  4. Why Men Deny Fatherhood? Hmm, how about this.

    *Short Story*

    I hooked my boy up with a white girl a year ago.

    Nine+ months ago she got pregnant.

    Yet he was still in school and she told him it was his baby.

    I felt bad.

    But I also felt he shouldn't have rawdogged it either.

    *Fastfoward 9 months and so change, we're both back for summer break*

    He went to babysit his baby girl for the first time, while mom went out to have fun.

    Next time I see him, Im cruising in my whip with my boy I asked, "How was it to see his seed for the 1st time?"

    He says, "I GOT SOMETHING to TELL U"…"It aint mine"

    I say, "How do you know?"

    "I got a test done"

    "You and ______ went to get a paternity test?"

    "Naw I cotton swabbed her when _____let me babysit?

    "Damn. So its not you?"

    "Nope"

    *WE CELEBRATED and REJOICED. I even wished him a Happy Your Not the Father's Day a couple days ago*

    So Why Do Men Deny FatherHood? Becuase women lie and deny men the right to know the truth sometimes…Women like her make men deny Fatherhood. Other than that some men just arent ready, and I dont wanna hear if you were willing to lay down you are willing to raise a child, bullsh!t. Thats like saying if you're willing to drive, you're willing to have a head on collision.

    1. comment of the day! sometimes its hard to accept when you don want the said woman for the rest of your life. bt am sure your guy had the party of a lifetime.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-316574">

      The Hallway:

      Why Men Deny Fatherhood? Hmm, how about this.

      I dont wanna hear if you were willing to lay down you are willing to raise a child, bullsh!t. Thats like saying if you’re willing to drive, you’re willing to have a head on collision.

      Nice analogy.

    3. I'm dying laughing at this comment. The only thing is paternity tests are weird, because if it is yours you'll always have that thought in the back of your mind that you didn't think it was yours. You'll always remember taking that cotton swab to your kids mouth. That's kind of a blower.

  5. There are two types of situations at play here. There's the situation where the woman you're sleeping with ends up pregnant, and you guys are not in a committed, monogamous relationship. And then there's the situation where your woman, your girlfriend, your significant other comes and tells you she's pregnant.

    If you've been smashing raw, it's no ok to deny paternity in the first situation. In that situation I think both people need to be adults and if the woman isn't 100% sure who the baby is, she should just inform the men she's had unprotected sex with that she's with child, and she's not sure of the paternity. #VH1SingleLadies That's a terrible situation to be in, but, I mean, hey life is hard. As a man, the proper response in this situation is to be supportive, but from a distance. Wait it out, and get paternity tests done as soon as the lil homey pops on out.

    Now, if your significant other comes up pregnant, there's really no reason to deny paternity, unless you know yall ain't had sex in 3 or 4 months. To deny paternity in that case is to accuse your woman of cheating, and in that case, it's kinda weak to wait until something this big happens to accuse your woman of infidelity. Gotta man up and tough it out until you can know for sure.

    1. Agreed, thats what kills me on like Maury n whatnot how they be with girls for years and suddenly she been around, and supposedly he just stood around and let it happen (like LeBron did with Rashard Lewis) like come on son

    2. That is the smartest comment I've heard. I'm sort of in the first situation myself. Except I told the guy that I slept with him and someone else and he flat out denied the baby and said he was moving on and I told him in your words that he was being immature about the situation and that he should at least wait it out before he become irrational. I told him that if the test came back negative then I owe him an apology and if it came back positive he had to step up to the plate. I told him either way I'd be out of his hair so he can "move on." We weren't in a relationship were trying to build one and I admit I was faulty in what I did by sleeping with the other guy, but it was a one time ordeal and believe me the situation's a lot more complex than thought, but I told him that just like him I didn't want any more children either, but I'm going to take care of mine. If he doesn't I'll be here. What I hate though is when men know that their fathers weren't there for them and still have the audacity to kick rocks. It's like really? It's that easy?

      He called me deceptive but I told him if I was being deceptive I wouldn't have spoken the truth to begin with.

  6. Men often deny fatherhood because fatherhood isn't celebrated or held with any type of prestige in American society like motherhood is. No matter how much you give, fight, or love your child you're always at best considered 1 rung above just a sperm donor. The only time this is really different is when he's a single father and we have such low expectations of men that we're shocked a man would take care of a child all by himself.

    1. Look at how Father's Day is ALWAYS treated……black people spent more time criticizing dead beats than praising good Father's and Father figures.

        1. everything said in this thread is on point.

          the innuendo's we send during father's day makes the entire situation worse. its not just the shady/backhanded happy fathers day "compliments" but as well as saying "happy fathers day" to mothers….and trust me I totally get that the mom may be taking on both roles but at the same time, it is disregarding and taking the value away from fatherhood.

    2. Malik and others,

      Peep this tough, the only race that has a sucky father's day is Black folks. White people and Latinos they have really great fatehr's day traditions. Something to be said about that.

  7. Sometimes its not the kid itself, its her. Theres a difference between just some girl u messing with and the mother of your child you will deal with the rest of your life (simple solution: dont sleep with someone you cant see yourself with in at least some form of relationship but we'll never learn). I had a pregnancy scare before and it made me look at her a whole different way and in the back of my mind part of me was open to fatherhood and part of it just wished it was ANYONE but her

    1. Yessir!!!

      I'm not defending dead beat dads. I actually think it's such a terrible thing to be. There's no way to romanticize it to be appealing. It's just whack.

      But forreal, trifling chicks is a reason dudes walk away. When a jumpoff approaches you like "I'm pregnant" there is a nuclear war going on in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it's a reason ppl shouldn't be just focused on sexin' all the time… especially raw doggy in a chick you barely know.

      Aint nobody trying to invest the time, energy and money when you're not confident the baby is yours. Why is the blame/burden of proof on the dude? Mad times chicks ARE sleeping around and DON'T know 100% who the Pops is. Obviously, if a woman has only slept w/ 1 guy in the applicable span of time, dude should step up and handle his…. I'd even venture to say he should play a sufficient role during the pregnancy stage, even if he's not sure he's the father. However, if the DNA test comes back and he's NOT the father, the woman should be forced to pay him for his time and energy. And there should be a premium when she tries it (the trap) on a successful brotha. forreal.

  8. I can understand it. They never go away! Just last night my two teenagers 15 and 17 were up at 1:30 a.m. freestyling with their friends on Xbox. They didn't care that me and their father had to go to work in the morning. This morning I walked into my oldest son's bedroom and threw his working papers on the bed. I said "Have these filled out by the time I get home from work today because you WILL be working before the end of this week!" UGH. If I knew then what I know now I would have denied it too!

    1. Women denying their children now that's a sight to see. In the hospital refusing to accept the child. "I don't know where you took my kid, but that kid ain't mine!" I'm sure there are women to this day who think they took the wrong kid home and tell their kids that on the regular.

    2. "UGH. If I knew then what I know now I would have denied it too!"

      BOL! My mom says the same thing…smh.

      I'm starting to believe that once a child becomes

      a teenager, all parents start second guessing

      their initial decision to have that child.

    3. LOL – RedLady I know school can't have been out for more than 2 weeks, you sound mad already!!! Wanna trade? My girls were up at 2am smacking each other in the bassinet, crying and looking for food. And they're both teething. Calgon, take me away!

      1. Teflon Mom's Twin #1: Go get the Milk & Cookies!

        Twin #2: [practicing for his upcoming rap career] I might smile and say what's up, but I don't f*ck with you twin.

      2. Ugh, yeah, but they weren't blasting music and freestylin' — or maybe they were in their own way! But you're right, school has been out for EXACTLY two weeks and they need to get productive REAL QUICK.

  9. I have a question for the ladies who read this site, Hypothetically if men can get pregnant, and he said you are mother would you believe him? ohh and i agree with herbetteroption a lot of that is the mother not the child,so fellas you gotta make better choices

    1. Depending on the relationship, apart of me wouldn't. I would be supportive and everything then get a paternity test after the baby is born.

  10. Any position that has responsibilities without rights is a feared position to be in. The family court laws/child support laws could give 2 sh*t's about fathers…..all they want is the $$$$$.

  11. Gotta co sign maliks comment. This is what u get for being a dad nowadays; You teach your son how to throw the pigskin, how to run, juke out the defenders way, catch the ball, sign him up for his first pee wee league, guide and mentor him all the way through college, then when he catches a touchdown on his first televised game he looks at the camera and says. "Thank u mama"

  12. Obama used fathers day a few years ago to tell "brothers to step up" which I have no problem with but he didn't have Michelle take the stage after him to tell women to do so as well.

    1. Obama targeted that speech at Black men to gain votes in an election in which he was failing to secure the Black vote to a white woman. Truth be told, the only Black people voting for Hillary was Black women, Cornel West, and Tavis Smiley. He didn't say nothing about white men who divorce women and then move onto the next family and completely forget about their previous families.

      I got to ask this question, what's worse a man who pays child support and that's his only interaction with his kid, or a man who does not pay child support, but spends as much time with his kid as he can?

      I'm interested in a serious response.

      1. True Story: Over 2 years ago I was in a monogamous relationship (read: ENGAGED) with a man, got pregnant and he hit me with the DEUCES! Flash forward 9 months and I was just trying to get him to spend time with his son…2 years later, receiving an excellent amount of child support and still trying to get him to spend time with his son and he lives literally like 7 minutes away from me…I have an excellent career and it was never about the child support but he literally is going out there telling people I don't allow him to spend time with his son and that all I wanted was child support. True story! I've always had positive male role models in my life and just want the same for my son…

        1. @Miko

          I'm sure this is hard. I dont understand why men think its okay to not spend time with their child because they pay child support. The desire to spend time with your child should be there. But yeah you need to sit down and talk with him, this seems fixable.

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-316641">

        Dr. J: what’s worse a man who pays child support and that’s his only interaction with his kid, or a man who does not pay child support, but spends as much time with his kid as he can?I’m interested in a serious response.

        I read this question and all manner of emotions just raged… My sister is currently in a situation where her child's father provides NOTHING financially, but brings his trifling ass around every weekend. Its to the point where when he promises to give my sister any money to help with their son, he disappears..not to be seen for at least a week when "all should be forgotten".

        Now personal concern with the situation is that I have stepped up and helped my sister financially and otherwise. She and my nephew will NEVER go without, because we just weren't raised to abandon one another.

        I think people (both men and women) need to realize that it doesn't take just money or just time to raise a child. Both are needed equally. So yeah he comes around and "spends time" with his son but he also needs to understand that diapers, food, clothing and shelter aren't cheap or free and financial support is also necessary.

        1. @Powertrip

          I too believe that the the father should be there financially and emotionally for his child. I guess Dr. J's question is relative and depends on one's experience. In an attempt to choose one answer I replied the way I did…and the answer was based on my experience. When my ex-husband lost his job he could not provide as he did before but he made sure to continue spending time with his son as he always did…time as in he would take him to his house and stay with him for days or weeks, time as in teaching him to play sports, reading with him, taking him to school and picking him up on a daily basis, not just sitting at my house watchin t.v. for 2 hours or taking him to the store to buy a candy bar. I never complained because things happen and everyone deserves some time to get themselves back on track. AND because he not only is a great dad but loves being a father and my son adores him, they have an amazing bond. So ya, if for some reason something happens and a man cant do what he use to financially then he should spend more time with his kid until, he can provide more, financially–however, it should never be "in place of".

  13. I believe that all of the excuses you listed exist because having a family (legal wife, kids with the same last name) aren't integral parts of manhood anymore. Manhood has gone from including the ability to be the head of the household (spiritual, financial) to being able to gain things (cars, clothes, multiple women. My daddy said that he married at 18 because that's what grown men did. Grown men had wives, kids, homes, took vacations, had bar-b-ques. He and all of his cousins did exactly that either immediately after HS or college. None of them were rich but they either started their own businesses, worked for a family member, or went to work for the car companies.

    Having said that, I caution any woman who gets pregnant by someone she isn't even engaged to, let alone married to to stop and weigh things. If he wanted to be linked to her forever, wouldn't he at least be engaged? Also, if a man can't tell me straight out, he doesn't want kids, I think he's weak. I've had it happen once though I know other men felt the same way but didn't have the balls to say it and act accordingly. I didn't take it personally. The dude had been married seven years and he and his wife never had kids. He's been married four to a second wife and they don't have kids. He's very clear on his unwillingness to have children.

    1. I wrote about this some time ago. Black men don't see marriage as a sign of maturity. That's a problem. However, there are some who do. And also men aren't the blame for this.

      This some real ish, so bear with me.

      When I was in HS, I was ready to marry my girl, she was that bad and perfect for me. My freshman year of college, I was also ready to marry a chick. I seen beautiful women and I was mentally ready to find a woman and settle down. But you know what happened, I seen that being about that commitment ish wasn't working. Girls was going for dudes who wasn't bout that life. So I ditched that plan and the rest was history. At a young age and early on in maturity most boys are still trying to find a wifey, it's not until they see that it's not rewarded in their society or environment that they change.

      1. Exactly. When a young girl/woman is "ready" to marry, people act like the world should stop and all men should be running towards her with rings in hand. But for a male, that's a sure way to get yourself hurt early in life. And we all know about the side-effects of that.

      2. Oh I feel you. Some women do act complete fools. But I'd bet most of those women who are unresponsive in their youth grew up without seeing couples who got together young and stayed together.

        And the other thing people conveniently ignore is that men think the same thing. They think that when they are 30+ and decide to marry, there's going to still be a plethora of pristine (no baggage), attractive, nubile women out here for them. If I had a dollar for every sought after man I knew, 35+ who complains about there not being enough 'good' women for them to marry, I'd have a few dollars. We hear a lot about the stats saying there are more women for men. But this is how I'm seeing things in the DC metro area. If there are 10 sought after men, all of them want 8's or better. Problem is, for every ten sought after men (this only includes men 27 +, who have no prison/jail record, aren't on drugs, have decent credit, no illegitimate kids, own at least one piece of property, and can 'read good') there are only nine women who score 8 or above–as conversations lead me to believe most men want at least a woman who is a 8 on the Scale of Wife-ability. Of those nine women, three of them are bat-shyt crazy. Of the remaining six, three have one or more kids. And most of the men around here aren't trying to bother with another man's kids. So of the original nine women, we're left with THREE women. Three women for every ten sought after men isn't good especially when those ten men have been told, often by women they don't want (the 7's and below) that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

        1. That's not true about DC and men. For the men who are "sought after" it's still way too many women. Think about it, Black women outnumber Black men in this area about 8-to-1. That's just raw data… eliminate the wack Black men and the gay Black men and that number is 24-to-1. Simple distribution of ratings, 1-10, leaves you with about 66% of those women being 5s or better. Most men won't marry a 9 or 10, they will marry a 5-8. That's still going to leave him with about 8-10 viable options to choose from. I'm living this right now. And even still you can breakdown the sought after men even further to those men who want to be in relationships to those who don't. If it's known that "Dr. J is looking for a wife, he's not messing around" the stock rises so high.

          However, I will concede that most men once they reach 30, don't want a 30 year old woman, they want something fresh off the lot. They know how they drove their own cars from 21-30, they not trying to make a lateral movement.

  14. I just tweeted a bit about this so forgive me in advance for the lengthy reply, but I am going to reiterate my feelings completely. This post is super valid. What isn't discussed is the disparity between the womens "it ain't mine" and the mens "it ain't mine". It drives me absolutely bananas that we force men into fatherhood, but allow women to abscond responsibility of parenting without a second thought.

    …But wayment, Milfy…aren't you a single mom? Hell yea. I was pregnant out of wedlock. I had to have that awkward phone conversation. And I almost am willing to bet money had I not been pregnant with TWO children, I would have had an abortion. I'm fairly certain that my twins father would echo my sentiments. We joke a lot about it, we say "wow, our kids saved each others lives"…

    Anywaydoe…I read through this post, every scenario and became increasingly disturbed. I know it takes two to tango and I know we are all about cause, affect, and consequences for our actions, but damnit why is it that men can't run with these "it ain't mine" feelings?? Why is it that if a man really doesn't want to be involved in parenting a child for whatever reason he has no choice based on our legal system? Bitches have two trimesters to decide whether or not they wanna have a kids legally. And then, taking it a step further, they can have the kid and legally send it on to another set of parents. What can men do? Say "it ain't mine" but save up for them child support payments when it is? This bugs me.

    Especially when we live in this modern, feminist society that suggests men and women should be conveniently equal. Of course, men shouldn't get 6 weeks maternity leave. That's ridiculous. Men shouldn't be able to receive alimony in some states. Ludicrous. and of course men can't give up parental rights when they don't want the kid. Women can. But not men.

    Honestly I hate it. I rarely cop to hating things, but it disturbs me that men, who genuinely feel like they don't want to be fathers, who wholeheartedly feel like "it ain't mine" and really hope and pray that it isn't are forced into legal and financial responsibility when they don't want it. Usually your first reaction/instinct is the correct one too….but forget that. You gotta raise the little niglet anyway.

      1. Thank you for reading it. I am very serious about it too. I am in the process of drafting letters to my state senator and representative suggesting that during the legal sanctioned limit of time in which a woman can have an abortion, a man can give up parental rights. I think if women knew in a lot of scenarios that the safety net would not be there, not only would they think a lot harder about carrying children, they'd be a lot more adament about their own birth control and using condoms. If we are going to move toward a society in which we stress "equality between the sexes" then things need to be really equal. A woman certainly has a right to choose what to and not to do with her body, why can't a man choose what to do with his money, time, resources, and rights to parenting?

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-316602">

          YoungestMILF: I think if women knew in a lot of scenarios that the safety net would not be there, not only would they think a lot harder about carrying children, they’d be a lot more adament about their own birth control and using condoms.

          Hmmm, I wonder if that would be true. Very interesting perspective.

          *scribbles in blog ideas notepad*

        2. Had this come from anybody BUT a woman and a single mother at that…. It would that dude's body hanging on a cross.

          I agree with your statement 100%

        3. I totally agree. I have met several (too many) young women lately that knowingly got pregnant by dudes that were in relationships, wer not wroking and were not even able to take care of the children they have.

          I used to feel pity for those women, thinking that they were dealt a bad hand and hooked up with a douche bag. However, recently I have changed my thinking…those heffa KNEW what they were getting into and did it anyway. All to call me crying woe is me as if they were all innocent in the situation. Trust me when I tell you that its over 10 girls I know in this situation….smfh!

          Be careful men, because those same chics are all geared up to put those men in the child suuport system. Before anyone says anything, I know, Inkow…he shouldn't have it raw! Well, I know that, but didn't SHE know that TOO! Didn't she have the same information and even more than I have? Didn't she know he probably already had 3-4 baby mommas littered around the city? Yes, she did and she choose to take the chance ALL to keep dude in her life. I never really understood how women "trapped" men…now I do and it is SAD!

          When two adults are having s*x, there should be common sense and a conversation. Common sense should tell them both that if they don't want a baby, be careful. The conversation should be about the same…if we get pregnant what us gone do.

    1. "I think if women knew in a lot of scenarios that the safety net would not be there, not only would they think a lot harder about carrying children, they’d be a lot more adament about their own birth control and using condoms."

      I think your perspective is interesting, however, I have to disagree with this statement because I know tons of women who found themselves pregnant in less than desirable situations with partners who they knew were not going to be able to provide any type of support and they went on to have their children. I think there is a false assumption that if a woman has a child with someone she is automatically going to seek child support payments. This is true sometimes, but definitely not all of the time. There are many single mothers who find it too much of a hassle to bother or do not want to force a man into fatherhood.

      I do agree with you partially though because I would not force any man to take care of a child that he does not want. Nonetheless, he better not show up years later trying to be daddy. I will not let that happen. I will tell my child his father died and move on.

      I was in this situation recently. And this is probably too much info, but whatever. I was pregnant last year, and my boyfriend was not happy (he didn't deny paternity), but definitely stated that he did not want to be held financially responsible. I told him that I didn't need his money

      (which I do not), and I had no intentions of making him to pay child support. However, I did make sure to let him know that I would never let him be a part of my child's life at any time. If you don't want to be a father before the child is born, make sure you don't want to be a father 10 or 15 years down the road. He knows how cold I can be and knew that I was serious, so he quickly changed his tune after that. However, I was well prepared to do it on my own. It was tough to come to that decision, but I really felt as if I could not force him to be a father and I would never want to do that. It just angers me when so called fathers who were never around for their child's entire upbringing pop up 20 years later and want to play daddy. Not on my watch. If you want to go be gone and stay away.

    2. "I think if women knew in a lot of scenarios that the safety net would not be there, not only would they think a lot harder about carrying children, they’d be a lot more adament about their own birth control and using condoms."

      I think your perspective is interesting, however, I have to disagree with this statement because I know tons of women who found themselves pregnant in less than desirable situations with partners who they knew were not going to be able to provide any type of support and they went on to have their children. I think there is a false assumption that if a woman has a child with someone she is automatically going to seek child support payments. This is true sometimes, but definitely not all of the time. There are many single mothers who find it too much of a hassle to bother or do not want to force a man into fatherhood.

      I do agree with you partially though because I would not force any man to take care of a child that he does not want. Nonetheless, he better not show up years later trying to be daddy. I will not let that happen. I will tell my child his father died and move on.

      I was in this situation recently. And this is probably too much info, but whatever. I was pregnant last year, and my boyfriend was not happy (he didn't deny paternity), but definitely stated that he did not want to be held financially responsible. I told him that I didn't need his money

      (which I do not), and I had no intentions of making him to pay child support. However, I did make sure to let him know that I would never let him be a part of my child's life at any time. If you don't want to be a father before the child is born, make sure you don't want to be a father 10 or 15 years down the road. He knows how cold I can be and knew that I was serious, so he quickly changed his tune after that. However, I was well prepared to do it on my own. It was tough to come to that decision, but I really felt as if I could not force him to be a father and I would never want to do that. It just angers me when so called fathers who were never around for their child's entire upbringing pop up 20 years later and want to play daddy. Not on my watch. If you want to go be gone, then stay away forever.

      1. Remi, that sounds fantastic & all…

        But it always comes back to this question…

        WTF were you doing with this dude in the first place…

        Women sleep with who they want to for the most part… So, when they do make mistakes, it is hard for me to pull out the sympathy card when they are in a undesirable position…

        1. I never stated that I or any other woman was asking for sympathy. So the real question is not why I was sleeping with a particular person. I just stated that if you don't want to be held responsible, fine. Just do not ever come back because it isn't fair for someone to be held responsible for a child he does not want. However, on the contrary, it is also not fair for a man to be able to play daddy after skipping out on the difficult parts of child-rearing.

  15. I'm happy that I've never been in this situation. I’m going to make sure I tell my children to watch who they share their body with. I understand that everyone isn’t going to have children within a marriage, but everyone should be careful. Most men and women know early in a relationship if they can see themselves with a person. If you’re sleeping with someone that you wouldn’t want to have children with then please have two forms of birth control. If more people realized that sex is primarily for procreation and not recreation then the world would be a better place. Maybe the new male birth control will slow down these scenarios.

  16. "That's why you gotta f**k girls that are pro choice." – OG friend of mine

    But seriously tho, ya'll hoes shouldn't be having unprotected sex with n**gas who you don't want to father your seed. Point blank period ya'll making some dumb choices as women when you open up your legs to a dude named Dayrian who doesn't want to strap up. You really just found out he wasn't a stand up guy when you got pregnant? Cmon now stop playing ya self.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-316601">

      The Guy: Point blank period ya’ll making some dumb choices as women when you open up your legs to a dude named Dayrian who doesn’t want to strap up. You really just found out he wasn’t a stand up guy when you got pregnant? Cmon now stop playing ya self.

      There is a bag somewhere without a cat in it.

    2. Welp. And for all the talk about men strapping up if they don't want kids, I'm a woman who believes that since having a child would be more detrimental to me, I need to take extra care to make sure I don't end up stuck with a kid and a father who doesn't want to be bothered with. It's my personal responsibility to look out for me and my well-being. I think women conveniently give away their power when they blame pregnancy on the man not using a condom. Unless a man rapes a woman, she has a choice to have chex with him. And if she gets pregnant, as someone stated above, she has TWO trimesters to decide if she wants to be a parent.

  17. Men do have more choices than child support or saying it's not mine. How about putting a condom on. Especially if you're smashing someone your not planning on wife-ing. People do a lot of things that they know are bad for them. Why not jusgt make better choices people. After all, it is our life. Right?

    1. "Men do have more choices than child support or saying it’s not mine. How about putting a condom on"

      that strikingly similar to the rebuttals women were getting before the right to abort was passed. They told women, "You already have choices, keep your legs closed."

      The lack of choices we're referring to is AFTER conception. After conception, men have no choices, women have multiple. And this is in 2011 where the law is supposed to be equal across the board. Not that hard to comprehend.

      1. I was about to say this and then I saw your comment. The fact that women campaigned for abortion as a right and were told to use condoms and now they tell men to use condoms is HILARIOUS. HILARIOUS.

  18. <blockquote cite="comment-316574">

    The Hallway:

    Other than that some men just arent ready, and I dont wanna hear if you were willing to lay down you are willing to raise a child, bullsh!t. Thats like saying if you’re willing to drive, you’re willing to have a head on collision.

    Being a parent it kinda bothers be that you are comparing raising a child to a head on collision but I get your point. However, when you drive, having an accident is a real risk. If you are having unprotected sex, conceiving a child and the woman decided to keep that child is a real risk. If you don't want to fly out your windshield in a crash, you wear a damn seatbelt. If you don't want children, wear a condom that fits and is put on properly. If you (general you) are claiming to be a man, act like one. Don't deny a child that you know is yours because you are scared. That is some b*tch ass behavior.

  19. Quit with that "sowing your wild oats" thinking and WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR DYCK. The "I'm pregnant" conversation will go much more smoothly if you know the girl's last name and have seen her in the daylight. I know that a lot of men feel like they can get away with doing the most when it comes to casual sex without catching a bad rep (and will put it out there as just a fact of life) but there are other consequences to dycking down everything with a pulse and a vajay-jay. Pregnancy is not even the worst thing that could happen. Ask someone who got that positive HIV test.

    And why are we whining so hard about fathers not being valued? You know what this reminds me of, there's been a "Black Chick You Ain't Shyt" campaign going on for a while now. I'm a Black Chick. And I'm…God forbid…dark skinned!!! Oh Lawd, what iz I gone do?!? Do you hear me crying about how undervalued I am? No, I play to my strengths and my audience and leave ignorant haters the hell alone. Shut those idiots down who want to tear into their deadbeat dads or babby-daddies instead of celebrating good fathers on Fathers Day. My man got a surprise pool party with all his friends to celebrate him. Daddy still gets the big piece of chicken. He still gets his plate made. He is still honored, loved and adored. But you actually have to hang around decent women to see this. If you keep company with chickens don't be mad when you get hen pecked and scratched. All this "I'ma pout in this corner until someone recognizes my worth as a man" crap needs to go.

      1. I feel I should elaborate on this silliness. Saying 'find a good woman' is the equivalent to telling someone talking about terrible working conditions to 'get a better job'. Assuming that you could easily jump over to the other position, that doesn't change the fact that the culture doesn't value fatherhood anymore than me getting a better job changes the fact that there are terrible working conditions where I used to work.

        Society doesn't magically change because one individual does something for self. It starts with discussion. Which you so readily don't even want to want. But this isn't surprising because any time a conversation about male-female dynamics comes up and somewhat insinuates that women might play a negative role in it, they always try to immediately shut down the conversation. Always adorable to read these responses though, so there's that.

        1. You have to be the change you want to see little one. Yes, it's worth it to have the conversation, but it's far more powerful to model the behavior. To use your work example, do you think it's an effective tactic to sit back with the other disenfranchsed workers and complain about how much the job sucks or is it better to put yourself in a position where you can make some change happen? This: "Society doesn’t magically change because one individual does something for self." is patently untrue. Most change in society happens incrementally, one little person doing for themself and their family unit at a time. And sometimes, you just have to say f#$k what someone else thinks, I have to define myself.

          Kinda like you trying to demean my opinion with words like "silly" and "adorable". Does it make my point any less valid? Nope. Don't cloud what you have to say in immature funkiness, I'm always open to intelligent discussion. But my patience is low for tales of woe.

        2. On some "keep it real" on these blogs type of ish…While you are able to logically defend your arguments, your condescending tone in posts reek of of a lower maturity level. not trying to to be rude, but just bringing it to your attention

    1. The only reason there is a BCAS campaign is because it is TRUE…

      And Malik is right… Wifey material is at an all-time low among BW…

      That is why I will take my chances with the almighty slithering white woman

    2. Teflon,

      You can't be whining about the Black Chicks Ain't Skit thing and then throwing in there that you are "dark-skinned" that speak to how you view yourself in society that you would even mention that as being a bad thing.

      But I see your point about cats crying about father's being undervalued, but at the same time, we suffer through countless posts and tweets about how women have to do both jobs and don't get the proper credit. So let people have their space to sound off.

      1. Dr J you know I'm not on the twittuh…I have no idea what foolishness folks are doing on there. But my feeling is the same for everyone….men, women, Black, whatever. And for real, I have no tolerance for allowing someone else to define what God gave you. I bought up the skin color thing because anytime some fool says "I don't do dark butts" we're all supposed to cringe and reach for some lightening cream. Naw, I'll pass, I know I'm cute. So take the time to vent if it's needed, but don't use bad PR on Black men as an excuse to not be a great dad.

        And yeah, going in on bad dads and congratulating single moms on Father's Day is, to quote my snookie Adonis, wacksauce.

        1. 1. I didn't comeup with that term, so I will not take full credit for it (I forgot the original source)

          2. Calling me snookie is mean & disarming… IT is like a woman giving a negro head in the middle of a heated argument

          Good Day & Goodnight

    3. I prefer darkskin women for the record… Being Darkskin & being ugly is two different things…

      Keep that in mind while you are lamenting your Darkskinness…

      And in real life the attractive Darkskin women get approached, courted & wifed just like the rest of the women out there…

      Even you are a testament to that…

      #MovinOn

  20. I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for the man NOR woman who finds themselves in the situation where a man has the galls to vehemently deny the child (as long as no one was forced to do something against their will).

  21. When speaking about the inequalities in the law regarding father's rights, women amaze me….their rebuttals are strikingly of the same mindset when black people speak about inequalities in the law to white people, and whites act like we're imagining sh*t.

    I guess when you're in a privilege position with more rights, it's hard to put yourself in another's shoes…………………..until you have a SON and he get's railroaded by the system. THEN IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!!! SMH

  22. I have had a bullish*t pregnancy scare with a woman

    And I have spent some time in the "Gray Bar Motel" aka Rikers & The Tombs… Both not fun…

    I have made Paternity tests mandatory in my life & and I hope all men around the world do the same… And I am hesitant to a sign a birth certificate before I take that test (Thank You Ladies of SBM)…

    We can get on (black) women for their bad dating choices, but the BM accountability is WAY BEHIND also…

    Oh & here is some stats for that as$

    http://elev8.com/news/elev8-staff/myths-debunked-

  23. The culture doesn't value fatherhood anymore? Interesting.

    Because fatherhood is largely absent in black America doesn't mean its not valued. You think the kid who's dad walked out them doesn't understand the value of fatherhood. It's hard for me to understand how someone can look at a community that is so obviously hurting from theavk of leadership from it's men and say that they don't value fatherhood. You're looking at it the wrong way.

    Also something else I want to add, parenthood though rewarding, can be a thankless job. You put years and years of work in, and your kid probably won't recognize or appreciate everything that was done those first 18 yrs until much later. Unfortunately that comes with the territory. If that's the excuse you're coming with you need to come again because many other groups are dealing same ungrateful little sumbitches as kids but they are still willing to step up to the plate and parent.

  24. Honestly, everything in this post is valid. When I truly think about it, if I were a man…i'd probably question my paternity for each of these reasons –especially if it's not my wife.

  25. <blockquote cite="comment-316633">

    Dr. J:

    Malik and others,

    Peep this tough, the only race that has a sucky father’s day is Black folks.White people and Latinos they have really great fatehr’s day traditions.Something to be said about that.

    Wow. Something that Dr. J wrote that I agree with? Lol.

    But yeah… this is true. My family is West African, but I was born here, grew up here, did the HBCU thing and all of that. Some stuff with black folk I understand due to shared experiences, other things I only know from the outside looking in. I gotta say, this whole Father's day bashing is totally a black-American thing. That's why I feel like the issue is not that fatherhood is not celebrated in America (cuz it is), but that its largely absent in Black America, and we're seeing the consequences of that.

    1. I was waiting for someone to comment on the mix. I thought we went with some great songs and for the Outkast heads, the DMX heads and we would be remiss if we hadn't put Brenda's Got A Baby on there. I'm glad you enjoyed!

      1. i can't front, i was gonna leave "brenda's got a baby" off (wanted to keep things strictly from the male perspective) but i almost had a #thugtear drop while listening to "meet the parent" so i queued up that old school Pac

  26. <blockquote cite="comment-316652">

    Teflon Mom:

    You have to be the change you want to see little one.Yes, it’s worth it to have the conversation, but it’s far more powerful to model the behavior.To use your work example, do you think it’s an effective tactic to sit back with the other disenfranchsed workers and complain about how much the job sucks or is it better to put yourself in a position where you can make some change happen?This: “Society doesn’t magically change because one individual does something for self.” is patently untrue.Most change in society happens incrementally, one little person doing for themself and their family unit at a time.And sometimes, you just have to say f#$k what someone else thinks, I have to define myself.

    Kinda like you trying to demean my opinion with words like “silly” and “adorable”.Does it make my point any less valid? Nope. Don’t cloud what you have to say in immature funkiness, I’m always open to intelligent discussion.But my patience is low for tales of woe.

    There isn't any funkiness, your position is just absurd based on what your commenting on. And no, simply leaving without telling anyone want is going on does not foster change. People will not find out by osmosis about what's happening if they aren't told. If it worked like that, there would simply not be any poverty because plenty of people see other people do well and rise out of their same conditions, but they're not going to know how to do that unless they are properly equipped.

    There aren't any 'tales of woe' going on, it's people passing around their perspective. And I'll be as dismissive of other's points as you are being towards the people that are contributing.

  27. So the solution to the female not being sh*t is for you to not be sh*t right along with her? Po' lil' tink tink who didn't ask to be brought into this world ends up with 2 parents that are worthless. My man is a father to his children because that is what they deserve, it has nothing to do with me. The fact that he loves me makes the situation 10 times easier, but he fathers those children for them, not because I demanded it.

  28. There was something I left out in the post, I actually got the inspiration for this post, not because of Maury or Arnold. But because I was watching this episode of Single Ladies, the pilot episode to be exact and when Stacey Dash told her ex-boyfriend that she was pregnant, his first reaction was, "that kid ain't mine!"

    It made no sense whatsoever. He knew that she was faithful to him and that he had been with her recently. When I watched that part of the show all I could see was fear in his eyes. I know that many women at home were probably pissed at his reaction, but truth be told, I was like, "c'mon son, there are few things as dumb as what you just said." I knew something was up.

    On the OTHER hand, Stacey Dash's character did sleep with two men in a short period of time, she told her friends that she didn't use a condom with Quinn (her ex-boyfriend) and it broke with Casey (her rebound guy). She plays a really good girl in the show, but that right there shattered a lot of men's opinion of good girls telling the truth. People always make mistakes and blunders.

    I was wondering if anyone else saw that episode and what they thought.

    PS – Why isn't Stacey Dash on birth control?

    1. She's not on birth control because she subconsciously wants to have a baby/family one day and she feels that if she takes the pill she's giving up on her dream of having one. Plus she heard the pill makes you fat (which is the biggest facade). And on the other hand she also knows that she is a good looking woman living in an area of the country surrounded by ballers and bosses. And taking the pill would further prevent her from getting pregnant by an athlete or celeb, thus slowing down her quest to get rich from large government checks.

  29. <blockquote cite="comment-316606">

    Teflon Mom: Daddy still gets the big piece of chicken. He still gets his plate made. He is still honored, loved and adored.

    RIGHT ON! That's a cop out for the men that don't stick around long enough to know how GREAT fathers are treated. I am against heffas trapping dudes, but don't think I take all the responsibility away from MEN. You know who you are….stop having unprotected sex! Simple. As. That.

  30. <blockquote cite="comment-316652">

    Teflon Mom: You have to be the change you want to see little one. Yes, it’s worth it to have the conversation, but it’s far more powerful to model the behavior. To use your work example, do you think it’s an effective tactic to sit back with the other disenfranchsed workers and complain about how much the job sucks or is it better to put yourself in a position where you can make some change happen? This: “Society doesn’t magically change because one individual does something for self.” is patently untrue. Most change in society happens incrementally, one little person doing for themself and their family unit at a time. And sometimes, you just have to say f#$k what someone else thinks, I have to define myself. Kinda like you trying to demean my opinion with words like “silly” and “adorable”. Does it make my point any less valid? Nope. Don’t cloud what you have to say in immature funkiness, I’m always open to intelligent discussion. But my patience is low for tales of woe.

    Dang Teflon…beat me too it!

  31. There is no one person to blame in these situations. Sure, some chickenheads traps dudes, sure dudes need to wrap it up with any woman they don't want to have children with…yeah, I get it. There are two people in this scenario, not one. Both have the responsibilty to protect self first then any future wanted or unwanted babies. Why should abortions be used as birth control? Why are grown people having sex knowing it creates babies acting simple when the test reads positive. It's dumb situtaions like this, that take all the fun and joy out of becoming a parent. If you prepare yourself properly when casually dating, things like this won't happen unless your Mary having Baby Jesus!

    Everyone in the equation whether trapped or unstrapped are to blame! Men know they don't won't a baby by Leshia, yet lays down with her every single time using no condom, not even caring if she is on birth control, etc. Leshia riding Mikey off into the sunset knowing she ain't on any birth control, could get pregnant, but that's ok, cause he got some good D, I like him and maybe a baby will make him leave ole' girl across town for me (DUMB). This is happeneing everyday, everywhere…WHY!? Because two grown people are not talking, only s*xing. Not thinking past that moment of lust can be a lifelong lesson. A simple conversation will tell a lot about what a person is thinking…PAY ATTENTION!

    For the men saying the kid ain't mine to a women he's with—that's str8 nonsense. MAN UP! Yes, fear of the unknown happens to the best of us. It's going to be okay. God takes care of babies and fools…so he got us all covered one way or the other.

    1. But based on what you saying that means you are pro-life. That's cool, but I think you haven't really addressed the rebuttals.

      Accidents happen, not everytime that people have a kid does that mean someone was being reckless. Sometimes, the condom breaks or there's a snaphoo with birth control.

      I swear once birth control comes out for men it's going to get real weird. And what if your sperm was like your iPhone and you could erase it if it was stolen.

      Turkey Bacon: I got you, Dr. J. I got your seed!!! And i'm keeping it.

      Dr. J: No you're not. [pulls up NegatorEjaculator app on iPhone and erases all sperm from his recent ejaculate.]

      Turkey Bacon: I'M MEEEEEEELLLLLLTTING!!!

      1. Turkey Bacon: I got you, Dr. J. I got your seed!!! And i’m keeping it.

        Dr. J: No you’re not. [pulls up NegatorEjaculator app on iPhone and erases all sperm from his recent ejaculate.]

        Turkey Bacon: I’M MEEEEEEELLLLLLTTING!!!

        Here lies Teflon Mom…service at Jenkins Funeral Home, Beef Bacon you share custody of the girls with Most.

  32. I understand being afraid, but denying paternity is extreme, unless there are serious questions about the woman. And even at that point, outright denial of paternity is extreme, so it would make more sense to tell her that you would like to wait for the paternity test results without being completely rude.

    As someone mentioned earlier, men deny paternity because they can. Being pregnant is scary, regardless of whether the woman keeps the pregnancy. I don't care what men say, the only real change a man may have because of a child is related to finances. However, as a woman, your ENTIRE life changes. Your body will never be the same, not saying you will still not look good, but things will be different. I mean random things, like being lactose intolerant, and never had problems with dairy products before, and it may take weeks to get your shape back (if you ever do). You can't just pick up and go whenever you want. I don't know many men who are ever stuck home taking care of their children, even if the man is a good father. The mother will have to worry about selecting child care. The mother will have to get the child ready for the day. Most of the burden for making and keeping doctor's appointments is going to fall on the mother as well as selecting a daycare, which is not as easy as it seems. The list goes on for things that a lot of women know that they will have to do when they have a child on top of being financially responsible for that child. The only concern a man has is finances, so I really can't empathize that much with a man denying paternity because he is afraid. Contrary to popular belief, child support most times is not enough to financially support a child, so it's not even a whole lot of money.

  33. <blockquote cite="comment-316687">

    Teflon Mom: Here lies Teflon Mom…service at Jenkins Funeral Home, Beef Bacon you share custody of the girls with Most.

    Awww thanks for making me e-god mommy! Most, we got this….

  34. Keyword to this whole conversation is family. A family to a woman is an excellent career to a guy. It's what the majority of woman are striving for. Just knowing woman in general you never hear them say I'm just sowing my seeds. I mean there are garden hoses but they're ussually not proud. A "mature" woman dates to find Mr. Right. They might take breaks from dating but it's not because they just wanna get it in, it's because they get irritated with the search process. Now when Mr. Good Enough gets em pregnant they then just want him to man up and just deal wit it cause they're not really looking for a relationship with ol dude. They've obviously given up Mr. Right. They're looking for a family. That's why after you man up and try and do your part they wanna divorce you because once they got their family (i.e. your kids) they see you're not really needed anyway. Just your pockets.

    A real woman would be just as patient starting a family as she want ol dude to be patient to get it in but who uses patience in regards to getting what they want. And I don't care what anybody says. No woman is having a baby with a lame. It's gonna have to be some attraction for you to let his army mobilize in your body.

  35. I dated two man that got me pregnant the 1st one was a “family man” when I told him 1st accepted two weeks down he said he didn’t want anymore kids he had enough and asked me to do an abortion. He knew this was his pregnancy very well but because of the circumstances he just didn’t want anymore and I had to abort too because I didn’t want my child to be the only one not wanted by his dad

    The 2nd pregnancy the guy flatly denied being the father he said “that kid aint mine” he came up with excuses of not sleeping with me too much to fall pregnant, that I definitely was sleeping around and blocked my calls and went away. I decided to keep this baby and I’m still pregnant till date

    So “that kid aint mine” speaks exactly of what happened to me

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