Home Featured The Women’s Beauty Recognition Paradox

The Women’s Beauty Recognition Paradox

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I look GOOD, and you better not agree!

Last week, we talked about the cost benefit analysis that needs to be performed by men when they dismiss perfectly fine women. The response was what I expected. One conversation that I had was with women who were angry that Frees Ass was trending. Not because they were jealous, but because the buzz was centered around her butt and nothing else. Mind you, the vast majority already sees Free as a pretty woman, but the women who spoke to me felt that it demeaned her overall worth as a person due to the superficial emphasis. I mean I feel them, but I don’t tho. It’s comments and viewpoints like the one above that confuse me. I actually witnessed this many times with women. This is a perfect example of a little thing that I call the Women’s Beauty Recognition Paradox.

The Women’s Beauty Recognition Paradox states the following: ย  A woman wants to be recognized for her beauty. She is upset when those people she finds attractive or respects their taste, either do not compliment, or complement enough, her physical attributes. However, when a physical attribute receives an overwhelming amount of accolades, the woman feels insulted, demeaned , and hopes to have non physical attributes about herself more revered than visual beauty. This, in many ways is part illogical and part asinine to me and I’ll explain why.

See Also:  Her Words: Confessions of a Crazy Chick

I’m pretty sure that women with big breasts, big butts, killer legs/abs, or even a gorgeous face, are fully cognizant of this reality. They also know how to highlight those specific features to better appeal to men and look their best. So if you highlight those parts of your body, why are you so incensed and appalled that other people would comment and applaud those same features?! Now, I’m not talking about the lude, unwanted advances of pervs and creepers, I’m talking about the genuine appreciation for those aesthetically pleasing aspects of you. It makes me think that you are hitting us with reverse psychology; you say you hate it when people highlight your body parts almost to make us talk about them MORE!



Whether women want to admit it or not, men don’t notice your personality first. We see you, and we immediately process your appearance and how it correlates to our personal tastes. If we find you attractive, we let you know and pursue. What’s funny is that the less attractive the women, the more other aspects, like personality, may be enhanced similar to blind or deaf people whose ย other senses are enhanced to compensate for the impaired sense.

See Also:  Are Black Women Racists Towards Latinas?

Your appearance generates immediate reaction, because it’s tangible. Your personality, character, and every other non physical aspect that make who you are only become appealing after conversation. If you have a great personality it will be recognized quick, but people will need time to confirm it. Other than the spanx swindle, a woman’s attractiveness is clear cut. It’s youโ€™re attractive or not. Personality? I gotta get to know you better to comment or make sure your not a lame. I can salute a great character as vigorously as a great body. Good is good!

I hope to gain a better understanding of women’s feelings on this paradox. I hope to get all points of view and really dissect this topic.

Comment(168)

  1. I love approaching women & being crass or crude… I feel like I am getting closer to the kind of man I don't mind being…

    "I love your cleavage"

    "Your a$$ is so nice, I would love to put a baby inside you"

    For the real dressed up sl.uts out there

    "How much does it cost to sleep with you…"

    As a man, we know that women are big hypocrites when it comes to their beauty…

    As a man, I have been mentored to be unapologetic about what I like… And verbalize it if I feel like it <DEL> and it won't get me shot </DEL>

    At the end of the day, this is something women just have to get over… especially if you are dazzling or a shining example of genetic perfection…

    You should be thankful that 90% of men want to spank that kitty… All you have to do is <DEL> ride the c*ck carousel </DEL> is pick the best man out of the group to date, and appreciate the rest for having good taste… But I know I am living in fantasy island…

    Enjoy your morning Streetz

    P.S. Free's a$$ & her swag got her alot of free stuff & many opportunities… I am sure she appreciates her figure…

    1. -___- … Who's mans is this?? You MUST be a virgin cause you're not getting ANY ass with those comments.

      1. laziness my sweetheart… Not being an a$$hole… That is a good thing

        I will get the body count I crave…

        But if I don't, I had ALOT of fun trying…

    2. I can't possibly be the only one who wants to see all this big talk put into action. I don't know whether to pity you or be fearful for your sake, although I'm sure you'll say that neither is necessary.

      1. Look at that forehead & darkskin… But of course I am more interested for your curiosity & personality…

        As far as getting p*ssy, nil… It is inefficient for a male that has no swag, no stature, little resources, and not a genuine a$$hole…

        Again being an a$$hole is not my issue… Being a spectacular ass.hole is what I haven't achieved yet…

        As far as building masculine confidence… When I am not lazy & watching p*rn… It is easier to talk to women without nervousness…

        I'll get back to you in a few months when I get some swag…

        1. Forehead and darkskin? Where is your picture? You talk a whole lot of mess and then hide faceless behind that name. I doubt you yourself are anywhere close to the 'Adonis' you claim to be.

        2. @Bri

          You forehead have serious insecurity issue (look @ you Suki)

          Oh, well but complaining about my lack of a gravatar isn't going to motivate me to get one…

          Nevertheless your avi looks very nice & I would happily sprinkle my seed all over your face…

          Enjoy Yourself…

    3. Maybe I am one of the very few honest people left in the world…

      Most of you women have given your best years (20 years) to spectacular a$$holes, but want to denigrate me for inspiring to be ones…

      There is nothing you can say to me that would make me even consider taking your sound advice…

      Cause first I want to ask who were you dating <del> sleeping/creeping with </del> in your s*xual prime…

      And who couldn't even get a SNIFF of your poon before you put extended mileage on it…

      Super Saiyan To The End

      1. Sweetheart, I do not respond well to people who doubt me and/or sleep on me…

        For The Record: I got arrested in 125th Street in Harlem for my shenanigans (August 15, 2010 – September 7th?, 2010)

        I understand the web has alot of poser, and I don't believe half the sh*t I write, but I dhabe NEVER operated with a full deck, so please refrain from calling me a liar…

        I only lie when I am scheming hard on some attractive poon…

    4. People are coming at Adonis for this first comment, while I won't defend his stance because I think, "Hey, how are you doing?" is the best pickup line ever. People would be lying if they didn't admit that shock tactics can get you somewhere with a chick. She's probably ratchet, but it can get you somewhere. I know a guy who is engaged to a chick right now and this is exactly how they met.

      her: [coughing on train]

      him: That's pretty nasty, I can lubricate your throat for you.

      her: [looks at him crossed eyed.]

      him: Haha, just joking with you. Here I have a Halls in my bag.

      I literally watched this go down in amazement and they are still together right now.

      1. her: [coughing on train]

        him: That’s pretty nasty, I can lubricate your throat for you.

        her: [looks at him crossed eyed.]

        him: Haha, just joking with you. Here I have a Halls in my bag.

        I literally watched this go down in amazement and they are still together right now.

        ^I feel like there are a couple pauses here.lol

      2. I did the approaching exercise for confidence building (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED), I can approach women without issue on my side…

        I know there are more lubricating ways to get into a woman's pants… & I will happily try them with the almighty white women of NYC

        But I have p*rn & photographic memory on my side… So, if life goes awry, you have to stick to what you know ๐Ÿ™‚

        1. And thank u, white women of NYC, for quarantine-ing THIS dork from the sistas. I bet the d*** is EXTRA average. ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. "People would be lying if they didn’t admit that shock tactics can get you somewhere with a chick."

        I hate to admit, but this is the truth, SOMETIMES, and depends on the kitty-cat-caller.

        How I met the current objection of my affection:

        Was standing at the bar ordering a drink, within earshot, I hear him describing this person’s assets to someone on the phone, not knowing he was talking about me, until I turned around to see him looking me up and down describing what I had on. Initially I was appalled that not only was he describing me, but to someone else I didn’t know OVER THE PHONE. Then decides he would hand me the phone cause the person then wanted to talk to me, cause the reason he was describing me was that he was trying to hook him up( the guy on the phone with me).. How you trying to hook me up with someone, and I don’t even know you? WHERE DEY DO DAT AT? Never hooked up with the anonymous phone guy. But, the hilarity of it all stumped me. Here it is you’re describing this woman in front of you and looking like you wanted to sop me up with a biscuit, but you’re not doing it for yourself, but to hook another brother up?? Lol. It was funny to me. Yep, he got me with that one. We sat and had a few drinks together, and rest is history.

  2. It is a paradox, and you are absolutely correct on your claims. However, this claim is only magnified in women because gender roles traditionally placed the burden on compliment giving on the man. However, this is a human paradox.

    For those who do have an attribute that is appealing to men, they were probably made aware from puberty, and by a variety of men, from various backgrounds.

    This does several things for the woman. It flatters her to no end and she now realizes what power she holds. She's amazed that such a simple attribute could gain this much attention, and make men putty in her hands, or garner so many benefits. She wouldn't give it up for the world. And in fact, as u mentioned, she plays those assets up as much as possible. And sometimes, in reality, she really can't play it down, no matter she wears.

    Unfortunately, the result is that said woman has used that blessed asset to define her beauty…hence, her beauty is no longer on her own terms, but on the terms of society.

    And the pressure is now on to keep the asset as tantalizing as possible, as this is what makes her beautiful, right?

    God forbid the asset doesn't get noticed for a time being! Her whole idea of what makes her beautiful is threatened.

    And at the offense she displays at only being considered attractive b/c of her unique asset, it makes sense. When a particular body part is played up, she wonders if one slight genetic shift, and she'd just be an average chik, who don't garner doubletakes.

    Like any human, she wants to be valued not for what she played no role in (mostly) but for what she spent years cultivating. For she knows, no matter how juicy or tantalizing or downright sexy her "asset" is, someone else's looks better.

    So, therefore, as much as she's flattered by the attn (which does get old), she would rather be valued for the combination of her personality, quirks, character, and passions that is like her fingerprint: uniquely hers!

    So, tis a paradox indeed…and one that can only be explained by our complexity as humans!

    Great post.

    1. Woops at my grammar faux pas: who DOESN'T garner doubletakes.

      And yes, I speak from experience. Another reason, not me, why so many beautiful chiks have low self-confidence. It's a shame, really.

    2. "Like any human, she wants to be valued not for what she played no role in (mostly) but for what she spent years cultivating"

      Pause. Dudes born with a big piece didnt cultivate sh$t. But they are just as proud of if as anything. You never hear a guy say I want to be love for my extensive knowledge of the Marvel Universe?? In fact, men look down at women who judge use based on income and material possessions like cars.

      1. i think the woman's version of income and cars is T&A.

        makes sense to me.

        men have grown weary of being judged by income and material possessions because that is the primary (superficial) asset they are judged by after a certain point. if you're primarily judged by your double D's and donk (or any other particularly spectacular physical attribute) from age 14, it grows tiring and you begin to look down at those who only see that.

    3. This was a dissertation and a great compliment to my paradox. Combine the two and you have magic baby, lol.

      Seriously, thank you this was DOPE!

  3. Hasn't happened yet… Looking forward to it…

    And most women know better… <DEL> I don't approach masculine warpigs </DEL>

    I tell women all the time who threaten me with violence…

    "And I will F*CK YOU up"

    They learn the difference between a man & a woman REAL QUICK…

    And getting smacked is a badge of honor…

    Nice to hear from you Sane

    P.S. The only reason some women sometimes get "offended" is because they don't find me attractive…

    That is the real crime here… Not my crudeness… Because let their favorite singer hit them with the same lines… It would be a term of endearment…

    P.P.S. I am not a fan of beating up people… And avoid it at most costs… And as long as a woman acts like a woman… She will be treated like one…

    1. "The only reason some women sometimes get “offended” is because they don’t find me attractive…

      That is the real crime here… Not my crudeness… Because let their favorite singer hit them with the same lines… It would be a term of endearment…"

      Hate to say it – but this makes alot of sense to me.

      Yeah we may try and act all appalled at the nerve of an IdrisKodjoe lookalike approaching us on some "Hey Sexy them twins is looking good in that Tory Burch Wife Beater. — knowing dang well, we already getting visuals on getting bent over.

      Adonis got a point here.

      1. @GirlSixx

        So, no secret that attractive people can get away with more…

        I just have to remind women are HUGE hypocrites on this one…

        & men no matter what their stature, should at least make the approach… classy or crude…

  4. So, I don't really have anything to say on this. I don't know if this paradox is meant to be understood. But sometimes things get old…. sometimes you just wanna hear something different.

    A wise woman once said, "Smart girls like to be told they are pretty, pretty girls like to be told they are smart."

    I've seen this to be true many times in my life. I mean it makes sense. Why not shake things up? See a girl with a big booty, go on and on about her smile and how pretty her eyes are. See a girl who's shaped like a boy, tell her you love her shape… that her hips don't lie… or something. See a girl with a speech impediment… tell her she's witty. I dunno why it works it just does.

    1. Hey you're right! This has worked on me. I wonder how many guys purposely do this. I feel like a sucker now.

        1. I love being told I smell good. I think that's a deeper compliment too. You complimenting my scent validates my decision to buy it, same thing with shoes. We use these things to help show our personalities without having to speak. So in a sense you're also complimenting what little you can infer about our personalities. Good job!

    2. tailor your flatteries to her insecurities and you will get far in life.

      or simply ignore the obvious…i was once attracted to this girl mainly because of her ridiculously sized posterior, however i focused on her other qualities and pretended her booty didn't exist until date #5 or 6….that allowed me to then show it all the attention i felt it deserved.

    3. I think there is truth in that quote–but what if it just isn't true? what if the smart girl ISN'T pretty or the pretty girl isn't that smart? What one wants to hear and what is fact, or opinion or "in the eyes of the beholder" as some folks like to play it just may not be so. then what? they continue to be told the other thing.

      I think that also causes issues but hey, what do I know?

    4. This is (or should be) How to Talk to a Woman Initially 101. I've done this many a times and it helps you get in the door more often then pointing out the obvious. But be careful, fellas. Don't give a compliment that you AND she knows is definitely NOT true.

      i.e. "See a girl who’s shaped like a boy, tell her you love her shape… that her hips don’t lie"

      If it's painfully obvious to her and you she has no hips, she'll be smart enough to know you're giving an empty compliment which is almost worse than a straight up diss. No bueno. Don't make up just anything…you normally can't go wrong with "you have a nice smile" or "hmm…you smell good". Keep it simple. Less is more. You're in the door! (and no I didn't mean to make that rhyme)

      1. "you smell good" is actually a favorite of mine to receive, I guess because I have a very keen sense of smell and I use that one on men ALL THE TIME (only if its true).

  5. I can respect this, and I see the value in this point of view, with that being said…sometimes women get tired of being openly drooled over. When a man thinks you're attractive,you'll know. He either says it, stares too long or make gestures

    (for instance some random guy on the street blew me a kiss because Im not a morning person and partially because I was annoyed a flipped him the bird) Was I rude? Yes. Do I care? No

    No man will ever understand what it is like to be a woman and to be objectified until they have walked a mile in our shoes. For every attractive woman you've come across and displayed your attraction to her, there are two more Toms and Dicks who have done so, at times that very afternoon. Sometimes it can be overwhelming/annoying/tiring.

    If I have a big butt, do you thin Im not aware of it too? I know you are looking when I walk by, but while in the back of my head I Know you're looking, sometimes I just dont want to KNOW you're looking!

    Whether the response is viewed negative or not also depends on the nature of the expressed attraction. Most people in general don't like to be stared at. Some men stare. If you are a "stare-er" please stop, its creepy. Some men call public attention to said aspect of attraction on a woman. Again, this is uncomfortable, it draws attention and makes a spectacle out of appearance and/or "assets". No one likes to be put on display. The attributes of a woman that are acknowledge also plays a factor too. "You have apretty face/eyes/smile" is going to be metwith more favorably then "You have nice breasts/ass/legs" Because the later are body parts that are associated with sex.

    But really, its not YOU saying pointing out a what you find attractive about a woman. It's A) She's heard it all before and B) She's heard it all before..that day/week

    I dont think men understand how much it can be walking around always having a certain aspect commented on about you….often. And not every man is a gentleman about making known his attraction to a woman. I cant really explain WHY it makes you feel like a piece of meat. I can only say that it gets old real fast.

      1. Don't worry, I'm sure someone'll have a look bright and early in the morning and straighten things out for you.

    1. I don't really agree with this. Just last week there was an article on the net about a few popular bloggers and what we would be like in bed. It had mad comments too. And it wasn't just then, i've experienced this before in other settings. Women would like us to think they don't objectify men, but they do, maybe it's not as publicly as men. But what I will say is that it happens pretty often. I'm not sure what's worse in private they lust for you, or they let their intentions be publicly known.

      I will say this, one time I was accosted by a group of women who didn't have any intention on how intelligent I was, or how I felt about anything other than what they wanted that moment; I felt uncomfortable but then I realized, it happens everyday.

      Last thing i'll say is, a lot of women are used to getting a grope in a club. Most of y'all don't do anything about it but suck your teeth, a select few will throw a drink or an open fist. Listen, when that same thing happens to men, we just sit there like, "I know this b*tch did not…" but there ain't no way that we can respond.

      Happens to men too.

      1. yeah but… how often does this happen?

        name one day when you've been walking around minding your business and received: two shouts out of a car calling you baby/boo/sweet thang, one person asking if they can marry you behind your mate's back, one person telling you they'd lick syrup off your toes, one person blowing kisses/staring/saying "mmmmhmm," and only one person saying you have a nice smile and talking to you with sense.

        this is a day in the life of a woman.

        now imagine that everyday and multiply it by 5 for summertime and geographically hot climates.

        1. If you live in an area with a large gay male population, then this has likely happened a lot to straight men. But, you're right. I can only think of this happening once when I was in high school, and it was with the same girl everyday, and I let her. So yeah.

        2. Happens a lot. I can think about college. If you go to a PWI, you have what 5-10 people in your fraternity's chapter… that means the entire student body knows you. So if a chick has an affinity for Alpha men, that means they are always checking for you and you might be in a stroll line (party walking for some of you) and some woman reaches out and does a grope, or says something crass.

          And if you're in the club, a booty grope is pretty common because women get tipsy and want to grab a nice butt cheek. They may be ratchet, but those are the female equivalent of the men you're talking about.

          Heck just this morning this lady was staring at me on the train literally undressing me with her eyes.

          Don't discount it, that's type sexist. Plus, knowing the other authors on this site, it happens to them too. Women read these articles and fantasize about cats. You can get unsolicited emails and tweets all the time. And then in person, man I won't lie, sometimes I don't even like tweetups because there are some chicks out there who are so psycho. I've gotten one too many hugs that just went on forever. I'm almost positive that Mrs. Most would kill most of you women for what you think about him on the regular.

        3. But, you’re right. I can only think of this happening once when I was in high school, and it was with the same girl everyday, and I let her. So yeah.

          Exactly! LoL Your honesty is appreciated. I think it's often hard to compare men and women's experiences of this nature, because A: of the disparity between how frequently these things occur to each and B: The difference in the way we often look at the same things. Last week on Twitter a female friend was ranting about being asked "When you gone let me tap that?" I then asked my male followers if a female approached them in that same aggressive manner, how would they respond. EVERY guy that answered said he'd be hyped and/or be with it. Needless to say most of the ladies would not…We just often don't see eye to eye on such things. C'est la vie

        4. @Dr J

          here's the thing, good doctor. lol. you're giving examples that are not of the average man. the average man does not belong to a fraternity or participate in campus activities, thus they do not see the "perks" of said association. secondly, you and the other authors are popular bloggers in man-starved NYC and DC, which the average man also is not… so women in both instances, are not JUST after you for how you look. they might be objectifying you by grabbing and saying lewd or inappropriate things, but it's often a result of your status/popularity and the repetition of seeing you and reading your words on a daily basis that stimulates this behavior.

          all i'm saying.

          the average woman is getting comments just for being outside of her home. and i'm not saying we hate being noticed, because any grown woman knows that men are visual and are very vocal about something they see that they like, and sometimes it is appreciated, but … by sheer number of ignant occurrences alone, it can be off-putting. i've just learned to half-smile and keep it moving.

        5. "here’s the thing, good doctor. lol. you’re giving examples that are not of the average man. "

          This is true. At the same time, however, it would appear based on what you and other women are saying is that quite a majority of women walk out of their house every day and it is a non-stop cat calling-fest. Something tells me Precious (no disrespect) or any other aesthically challanged person of the female gender doesn't garner a lot of positive attention just walking down the street on a daily basis.

          Attractive people and/or people with attractive features are going to garner the most attention…men and women. Just because men may not get it as vocally as women doesn't mean it's not being thought about. I feel some of the middle-aged older women at my job stare a hole through me at times…go out of their way to make small talk, smh lol.

          At the end of the day, however, I do empathize with Muze and the other women to a certain degree. For my 25th birthday I traveled to Brazil (Rio) and it was awesome all the attention us "beautiful black men" were getting. Maaaan….by the 4 night in the club I couldn't relax for 2 minutes and chill without some female(s) coming up to my table and trying to talk to me..I'm just sitting there like "so this is how females must feel back in the states" lol. Real talk. Now granted, the chicks coming up to me were toots more than likely and they're just trying to make a living, but they did a good job of making a brotha feel objectified and like a piece of meat…pause..?

        6. "here’s the thing, good doctor. lol. you’re giving examples that are not of the average man. the average man does not belong to a fraternity or participate in campus activities, thus they do not see the “perks” of said association."

          I think this is flawed. If we wanna talk about average, let's just throw out all the women who are privileged because of their attractiveness and leave it to Plain Jane and ugly chicks. What a generally attractive woman goes through does not happen at the same rate that it does for average folks. And if it does, the caliber of the dudes hollering are probably even lower.

        7. @Slim

          i'm just offering perspective. he said it happens all the time to dudes. i'm saying the amount of times it happens to an above average man, whether it be due to looks, money, status, association, or a combination of them, is closer to the amount of times it happens to a woman just walking out of her home.

          of course it happens to more attractive people more… male or female.

          one thing i will say is that you guys seem to get fondled, groped and felt up far more. i've never done it, but apparently it happens. probably because men are much less likely to have a problem with it, and would probably be flattered, depending on how cute the woman is. lol

      2. I def agree with Jays comment and can attestt to sexist groping in the club, unsolicited advances n such. One of the reasons i dont do it to women is I dont like it when its done to me. Its real in the field.

        1. @Mina Most guys have had it happen. I've had chicks grab my manhood in public like it was the thing to do.

          @Streetz I dont even grope chicks I'm out with. Dudes peep that and think its okay if they do the same

        2. @ Muze

          NYC is man – starved? Nah I think a lot of women from all places come here and find dudes… cant cosignt hat

          and whats your theory for when these things occur in other "male affulent" areas? Dudes gettin pressed doesnt just happen in NYC or DC yakno…

      3. clearly Dr J you are not the average male so your experience is going to be a little bit different. However, your experience does not even come close to the way women have been sexually objectified since puberty. It will never be the same.

        Just because you've been groped or stared at a couple times in your life doesn't mean you share a similar experience. Try multiplying that by 10 and add about a 10 year time length to that.

        I mean how many of you men have been walking down the street and had someone jump in your path and not let you pass?

        How many of you have had someone driving in their car U-turn in the middle of the street, or back up just to holler?

        How many of you have been followed home or to work?

        You just really cannot understand that it becomes annoying, and it can at times be dangerous when there is aggression in the approach.

        And if a woman does not know her worth, then she can easily think that all she's worth is something sexual. She may come to believe that she is good for is "Tig ole bitties" or a fat a**.walking around. These are most of the women who act accordingly and without value to what else they have to offer a man besides the physical.

        1. So based on this logic; if a man has been sexually assaulted a couple times in his life, it does not compare to a woman who has been sexually assaulted more times than a couple?

          To answer your questions:

          1) How about cornered in a room, and aggressively asked for sex to the point where I couldn't get out? By someone I knew.

          2) You get men who make u-turns just to holler, I get chicks who run at me with plastic cups when a bottle of Rose gets popped. Unwanted attention is unwanted.

          3) I think I spoke about this on The Book. I had a bonafide stalker in late 2009. Had to get a restraining order put on her.

          What you're failing to realize is that I do understand it gets annoying, i'm just saying similar things happen to men. It's starting to get dangerously close to the argument on DV and how men aren't affected in the same way that women are. Wrong is wrong, b.

        2. @ Dr.J

          So based on this logic; if a man has been sexually assaulted a couple times in his life, it does not compare to a woman who has been sexually assaulted more times than a couple?

          Ehh…..I respect what you did there but I dont think that analogy really validated the point I saw you were trying to make clear to me. But based on this analogy, I will bite and relate it back to mine by saying:

          The man who may have been sexually assaulted twice and the woman who many have been assaulted more times, share the same situation but not exacty the same experience. The person who has been assaulted more has experienced the trauma on a much deeper level. Not saying that either situation should be discredited, because the content is the same. But what I am saying is that the depth as to which it can be internalized wil be different for each person because the circumstances just aren't the same

        3. Muze & QueenB:

          There comes a point in a discussion when a man realizes that the opposition is just arguing to argue. If you ladies would like the "W" here, you can have it. We don't have to take this argument everywhere just to win. But you got it.

          Muze:

          Re: Women's Beauty Recognition Paradox, you need to stop acting like you are an "average" woman. With the amount of attention you get on the internet for your gravatar, #quitit.

        4. lol i give up. white flag. yall negroes are not understanding my point.

          and all this mythical attention you're referring to … doesn't happen. and if it does, i have been largely unaware. and this is not an invitation to provide proof or rebuttal.

          thanks. hmph.

      4. I agree with Muze. My SO and his friends do talk and joke about being "sexually harassed" by nurses in clinic/hospital, but I can tell that they're actually kind of flattered by it secretly. Like Muze said, the average dude isn't used to receiving that kind of attention on a regular basis.That's not how girls usually go about trying to pick up dudes.

        Also, you have to think about it in the context of the society we live in. Some of the stuff guys pull can actually be almost predatory in nature… especially when its a grown man hitting on a young girl…. which happens ALL THE TIME. Its not the same when its a girl doing the catcalling. I grew up in the DC area, and if its like how it was when I was coming up, there was a lot of statutory rape stuff going on out there. By the time me and my friends turned 16, every single one of us had dated at least one dude over the age of 21. Looking back, I find it disgusting to be honest. I'm my early 20s now and I couldn't even imagine.

        Anyway, I just say this to make the point that you cannot draw a parallel between the two scenarios (men being hit on vs. women). It just not the same thing lol.

      5. As a dude that's had his jawn grabbed walking down a street in South Beach and at greek parties, and as a dude that pretty much has his ass touched at any casual function at a night spot, I gotta cosign on this one. It happens a lot more often than people think, but I guess this is an exception because now I'm not average.lol.

        1. This "you don't get it"/"yes, we do" back-and-forth thing is funny to me considering today's post over at verysmartbrothas.com, LOL!

          Based on the proposed theory in that post, "If some (gasp!) men also go through the same struggle, the same distress, the same blues, then, well, maybe their martyrdom isn’t all that notable anymore."

          You'd have to read the whole post to get it…def food for thought.

        2. Ok South Beach is a different story because of the atmosphere.

          I know as a woman, Ive personally never been more violated in night in my whole life, so I can see you getting groped….THERE my whole point was that I dont think men have learned how to look an appreciated attraction without bringing it to that other parties attention like women do. We like what we see too, but 9.8/10 we wait until you pass and turn to our girls and talk about you. Most women dont grab and dialogue with men they find attractive.

          My thinking is , why say something to someone if you know you dont want to do anything but acknowledge that attraction. If you see an attractive woman and the next thinking isn't "She's attractive/has big breasts, I want to know more about her" Then why even openly acknowlegde the attraction. Maybe its just me, but I wouldnt go out of my way to voice attraction to someone who I didnt want to get to know.

        3. How do you respond to getting your richard grabbed? Who does that? I mean I've had my butt grabbed, even a breast but that seems so much more disrespectful. If you had punched her, you'd be the one in trouble.

        4. Yea South Beach is an extreme atypical example of pure insanity! My gurls and I went down there for Memorial Day weekend a few years back to celebrate our college graduations. We were walking down Ocean and this dude grabbed my arm and tried to talk to me, for like a second. In mid-sentence he stopped, said "F**K IT" and proceeded to PICK ME UP and run (not walk) off down the street! My gurls had to really put in a chase for the rescue mission!

          I don't doubt ya'll men have uncomfortable occurrences, nor am I trying to downplay your feelings. But some of the stories the ladies can tell you are likely just on a whole other level of crazy. Smh.

        5. @CynicalOptimist

          At VSB, I was debating with a woman about how women ar at fault for their singleness because she does the rejecting…

          And she said she rejected about half of the men that approached her (3 men)

          -_-

          I just have to take your word for it, because I cannot verify that…

          Maybe she lives in the woods…

      6. Dr. J speaks the truth. And Muze I can personally attest to being groped, felt up, or having my face licked regardless of being in DC, out in Phoenix, or back home in New Orleans.

        1. "having my face licked"

          o_O…I sure hope that was a joke.

          …nasty heifas…

        2. No, sadly that's not a joke. Just happened last month. But I assure you I had the same "WTF/o_O" face you probably just had.

          @Dr.J It was actually out on U St. Don't know if I wanna make it to Love now though. lol

        3. -_-

          Reflexes alone woulda got me locked-up…while praying that my actions counted as self-defense.

          This right here counts as a "I ain't for dudes chin-checking chicks but that ____ had it comin" moment. I woulda understood…looked the other way…

      7. okay definitely wasn't trying to start a gender war about who gets hollered at the most. any other day men are complaining that women don't approach men. now y'all are saying it happens just as much as it does to us.

        but woman logic is flawed.

        hursh. lol

        1. Ha ha ha….nice try. This is like comparing apples to apple sauce…same ingredient but the substance is clearly different. You and I both know when what is being referred to when one talks about "approaching" someone. Groping, copping feels, licking faces (really?) don't constitute the definition of approach in the sense of making an attempt to speak to someone in order to get to know them better and exchanging contact information for further conversation, etc…this goes for men and women.

          And I believe the assumption isn't that it happens just as much to men as to women, but that it actually happens to men and more often than the average woman would think.

    2. QueenBinthestreets: "No man will ever understand what it is like to be a woman and to be objectified until they have walked a mile in our shoes. For every attractive woman you’ve come across and displayed your attraction to her, there are two more Toms and D__ks who have done so, at times that very afternoon. Sometimes it can be overwhelming/annoying/tiring."

      muze:"name one day when you’ve been walking around minding your business and received: two shouts out of a car calling you baby/boo/sweet thang, one person asking if they can marry you behind your mate’s back, one person telling you they’d lick syrup off your toes, one person blowing kisses/staring/saying “mmmmhmm

      That's only because men are generally expected to approach women, not vice versa. As a man that is known for curling a dumbbell or two, I can guarantee you that Dr. J's and Streetz's comments are true. Women have no problem patting a guy's pecs or squeezing his biceps in the gym, and will grab a butt cheek in the club or a festival. Then they try to play it off with a laugh. Women are more liberal with this behavior because they know men aren't going to get too mad if they do, but what would happen if a guy touched a woman's breast that he just met?

      1. can i just point out that ALL of these examples that the men are giving are at festivals/south beach/the club… places where alcohol is probably involved AND the women there are getting harassed THAT much more than you.

        try going to the grocery store on a regular wednesday and count the rude and lewd solicitations you get on your way in. that's what i meant by average.

        this is apples and oranges, basically. lol. my whole point was it cannot be compared, realistically.

        1. "can i just point out that ALL of these examples that the men are giving are at festivals/south beach/the club… places where alcohol is probably involved AND the women there are getting harassed THAT much more than you."

          RIGHT?! Folks ack like they got their blinders on and ish. Come on nah. lol

        2. Untrue. People don't (ok, people shouldn't) drink at the gym. Women feel free to actually touch pecs, shoulders, arms and glutes at the gym without consequence. And the comments happen in everyday places. Maybe not as much as men do it to women, but women approach men far less often in the first place (do I need to link back to the two-day discussion we had on women feeling they shouldn't even have to approach a man, just throw some ambiguous signals?)

          I don't want to hear any of this anyway. You want to hear about trifling? Malik touched on it upthread when he said straight men have to endure this from [email protected] men. Picture yourself in a locker room, you have on just a towel, he's naked, he's harder than three variable calculus, and you know that erection is meant for you. That's worse than anything you ladyfolk have been describing.

        3. Telly, that is exactly why I not only don't do it anymore, but I refuse to go to that particular gym anymore.

  6. Dammit all to hell. I had a response all typed out, and then I lost it. Ugh. Anyway, let's see if I can reconstruct some of it.

    This paradox exists for various reasons. Two that immediately come to mind are the prevalent objectification of women, and the fact that women tend to factor personality into their own ratings of the opposite sex.

    1. Because attractive women are aware of the kinds of things that run through men's minds and are discussed in locker rooms about what would be done with and to them (and not necessarily in what they consider to be flattering terms), some self consciousness comes into play when there is a perceived focus on their physical appearance. They want to feel as though they are seen as more than just a delectable piece of meat, as beings with some sort of substance to them. Although it is flattering to be considered visually appealing, the world does not lack beautiful women, and they would like to believe there is something more to your attraction.

    2. You're more likely to find a woman who'll lose 100% sexual interest in a man due to some perceived character flaw(s) than you are to find a man in the reversed scenario. Men seem to do a better job of separating character and looks, and will easily hit & quit. This is why you'll hear at least one woman ask why the stank ass attitude girl is getting such high praises from the male species. The odds are that a certified "10" dude would have been demoted to a pitiful 5 or 6 if she found his personality to be wanting. Thus, although it's impossible to assess character at first gaze, women (in general) will always find it odd that guys seem to leave personality out of their ratings of appeal, whereas guys find it odd that women would bring in something that can't be seen and should therefore play no part in an assessment of the physical.

    Speaking personally, there are telling signs that I'm not immune to that of which you speak. I usually do not give out my numbers to guys who approach me at random or who I've met at a club. Why? Because their approach is solely based on their appreciation of how my (newly developed) hips fit in them jeans, or my seductive dance moves. Although I'm well aware that the guy with whom I just had a pleasant conversation may very well also want to prescribe me and administer some vitamin S, it's a more comfortable feeling to know that there's a chance his interest is also based on other things. Mind you, a more prolonged exchange also helps me to gauge whether or not this is someone I'd want to have a means of contacting me.

    Um.. that was me furiously hacking away at my keyboard and internally shaking my fist at losing my initial post. Do pardon any lack of coherence. I now quit.

  7. For me it's your ATTITUDE, don't care how fine, how big your a$$, etc. i'll look all day but I wouldn't approach…any women with a bad attitude is automatically sheneneh off martin lol, just not my style I think this a paradox for men as well…women wear certain outfits too show off then get upset at the ramfications…men will also will put up with the worse for a phat a$$….enig

    mas lol

  8. For me it's your ATTITUDE, don't care how fine, how big your a$$, etc. i'll look all day but I wouldn't approach…any women with a bad attitude is automatically sheneneh off martin lol, just not my style I think this a paradox for men as well…women wear certain outfits too show off then get upset at the ramfications…men will also will put up with the worse for a phat a$$….enigmas lol

  9. *Emerges from the depths of the lurk for the first time*

    Good Morning All. I figured since I had a similar discussion with someone last week, now is as good a time as any to de-lurk. I agree with a lot of what was said, with a slight distinction. I don't know if I'd call it paradoxical as much as I'd maybe say its an illustration of the necessity of limits/balance. Even too much of a good thing is, well, too much.

    As Streetz pointed out, women enjoy being complimented. I'd venture to say that all humans enjoy a good compliment. It just feels nice. However, certain compliments become overkill a bit more quickly than others. IE: A woman may be complimented for having beautiful eyes. I could be wrong, but thats a compliment that likely never really gets old. A fat a** compliment however, although often flattering at first (especially among the minority communities), becomes overdone after a certain amount of emphasis (IE: when its the #1 trending topic WorldWide!) Its like, for those who for whatever reason didn't know who Free was before, this is their first introduction to her, as opposed to anything she may have achieved, or even her physical beauty as a whole.

    This is not to say that those women that Streetz speaks of do not exist, cuz we all know of some who will complain to anyone who will listen about how men never look them in their eyes, but day after day continue to serve them DD's straight up on a breakfast platter o_O The majority of us, however welcome all compliments, some just need more moderation or balance with perhaps other non-physical compliments than others.

    Excellent post!

    1. "The majority of us, however welcome all compliments, some just need more moderation or balance with perhaps other non-physical compliments than others."

      Bingo.

  10. There's a thin line between admiration and objectification, and a lot of men toe that line, and some cross it, on a daily basis. Once you begin to lose sight of the woman as a human being, and she becomes her parts, her booty, breasts, thighs, face, etc, then you begin to cross that line. This is my problem. Some men don't compliment the woman, they compliment her parts. The woman, the human being, in a sense, no longer exists. Not Free, but her ass. I think this is what bothers many of us women.

    1. But we do the same thing we talk about how tall, brolic sexy, and how hung Idris Elba is. Free over the yyears has always been complimented about her smile, personality and overall kick-assnes, but lets be real we are all human and men (and even some women) were like damn Free body is banging , and where did she get all that butt from. Im dure Free did'nt sweat it as much as women who dont even know her did. She knows who she is and she knows she has a butt. As long as no one steps out of place with her in person about her butt, then Im sure she does'nt care.

      "Some men don’t compliment the woman, they compliment her parts."

      But a women is the some of her parts and lets be real some parts are better than others. How many of us make sure are breat are looking right because we have no butt or that our booty is poking because we have a B cup. I understand objectification when we are looking at King mag and Rated R music videos but come on A man saying damn Hallie Berry has some beautiful legs does'nt take away anything away from hallie as a whole.

    2. What about those that dont look @ women as body parts? What about those that compliment on all areas? I don't know it seems real pick n choose to me

      1. I think most men fit into the admiration part, but can slip into objectification. Those men who compliment the whole me (You look nice, Nia. That dress fits you well.) will always win over those dudes who compliment how my a$$ looks in the dress. So, we're in agreement with that point. Its a thin line. One moment, you admiring Free's backside, the next moment, Free's backside becomes an entity all on its own, disassociated from Free, the woman.

        NIA: Y'all talking about Free again?

        Streetz: Naw, we're talking about that a$$!

        NIA: O_-

        lol. You feel me?

        1. LMAO dont make me sound like a pig!

          I thik men and women slip objectification into compliments. Women will be more bold and hide it in fake joviality. Men just say it and shrug/smirk,

  11. I wrote a post that i'll probably never post called, "That's why you shouldn't listen to women." Basically it just talked about inconsistencies in the things they say. Streetz hit the nail on the head with this one. Women want to be more than just a donk, but they wear clothes to show it off. Yo I dated a chick with halogen lamps before. Then she would set them up nicely and go out and then say, "That dude was staring at my chest." I was like, "If they weren't halfway down the highway to heaven, he probably wouldn't. But when I said cover up at the crib, you said nah."

    I'm telling you dog, just don't listen to them. Either they chase mediocrity, as you've pointed out before; like, if a man gushes about Eva Mendes or Halle Berry on Twitter, they want to know why the "regular" girls don't ever get any attention. But that makes no sense, why wouldn't you reward the upper echelons of beauty? They'll tell you the most homely looking women are so pretty, but the ones that are generally accepted as beautiful are not. But I wrote a post about how most chicks fall in the bell curve at a 5 to 7 on the rating scale and people got upset.

    And then you have a dude who says to a chick, "nice tits" but not two hours before when her and her friends were getting ready at the crib, they told her, "OMG Erin I love your breasts, I wish mine was like that." o_O

    (This whole theory came about when people hate the hell out of Kobe, but they love and gush about Wade. That man had kids with his HS sweetheart and went to Miami and dogged her out so bad. He was publicly with another chick when he had a wife and nobody said nothing. That along with other ish is why you got to stop listening to women sometimes. Just go on what you believe.)

    1. Great comment.

      But I disagree with your assessment of Dwayne Wade's life. We all know that negro got trapped but his HS chick…. he shouldn't be looked down on for trying to make it work with her.

      1. Nah his wife was pretty par on course for a chick from Chicago. He was the one who painted himself as the model husband and father. The gentlemanly thing to do would have been to divorce her once he got drafted to play in South Beach. But cheating on your wife, especially when you got kids, we can't have that, we can't have that…

        1. Naw she was wack buns. Looking like DMX's wife. He did her a favor be giving her a ring and putting her in position where she could even get a divorce settlement. She should have been happy with that….

          I don't mean to name drop, but…inside information says Wade didn't do her dirty and he always acted with class.

        2. Nah inside information says he did do her mad dirty.

          1) His old business manager snitched and said that his store was just a brothel for him and his boy to come through and have sex.

          2) I know b*tches he was f*cking.

          3) He g'ed her by saving the VMs she was leaving him when she went crazy.

          But you're right she wasn't the best looking one we've seen and then compared to South Beach it was inevitable, lol.

    2. J, has a point.

      I've been watching Game of Thrones lately and all I can say is I don't know how men deal with us…smh (of course the same can be said about men).

    3. Ok Dr.J, I can dig this. I do have to admit that there are some inconsistencies about what we women state we want and our actions.

      Let me only say that its HARD to try and cover up a big butt! It will still be noticed

      1. but what about the chick with the leggings in the club and her tee shirt stops at her waist or worse, it shows off her stomach? leggings is what chick with the OD booty use to dominate a night in the club.

  12. Women get over it. If a dude see's you for the first time he's going to comment on your beauty and nothing else unless you give him something else to comment on. Ladies when we see a sexy man on the other side of the room we don’t go, "Girl look at the man with his big old personality, if I had him alone". No we go "Girl he is sexy with his tall chocolate self". Stop being so sensitive. I’m sure when you see a man more than once he will start complimenting you on more than your body if you actually have a conversation with him and show him your you have some personality. As far as complimenting smiles, I feel like I read an article on here about how women don’t smile (some not all) so if you are one of those the only compliment you will get from a man is "Girl turn that frown upside down".

    One minute we are mad that a man doesn’t find us attractive then when he makes an appropriate commit about what he finds sexy on us, we Go but what about our personality. After being on 106 and Park for 7 years we have seen Free’s face and personality in all of its glory, it’s just on the BET awards see had on the greatest dress every and dudes saw a sexier side of free and they should it love. It’s the same thing we do when trey songz or (back in the day) LL cool j would take their shirt off.

    1. I think the debate here is not that women dont acknowledge good-looking men, but that men and women acknowledge attraction in different ways. Like you said, most of us women will turn to our girls and commenton him…privately

      Men will bring it to that woman's attention and to the attention of anyone who may be around

  13. Great post Streetz! I have never walked up to a guy after wondering…does he have a nice personality. Honestly, I think it was always more like…dang he fine. Now, mind you that fineness can only get a brother so far and that's were personality, etc. kicks in.

    I am a woman. I am not a naive little girl in thinking that my physical features are not the FIRST thing that will appeal to men. Whether it be my smile, eyes, @$$, ta-tas, or whatever. Men are visual. Girls are taught this at a young age. That’s why girls/women show off whatever attribute they feel the men folk will look at.

    I don't understand this GAME either. It's sort of like a woman slapping a dude in the face for saying something to her she was already thinking. If I didn't want dudes to stare and compliment me on my assets, I would wear something that would detract from it at much as possible. Even then, the compliments will still come and I will just have to learn to smile and keep it moving. Only when you actually entertain the men that come at you like that will you get aggravated with it. I don’t entertain guys that come at me with the body talk…they have to be a lot more creative to catch my attention.

    I get some form of a compliment at least twice a day. Since I was a pre-teen I have had to learn to deal and hear but not hear things. I have even mastered walking without really ‘looking’ at others to keep from picking up all the wondering eyes.

    1. I think it depends on how these compliments are offered.

      Dude #1: D*mn ma! You got a phat a$$!

      Dude #2: Wow! You look beautiful tonight

      While a woman may be thinking her *ahem* assets are looking particularly nice that doesnt mean she wants to receive vulgar comments. Of course perceived vulgarity differs with every woman.

      and lol @

      " I have even mastered walking without really ‘looking’ at others to keep from picking up all the wondering eyes."

      1. only the most simple minded man is gonna be like damn u gotta a phat ass thats like way down there with "ay red shirt" as worse pick up lines ever…its like u n i both know u got a thing of beauty back there but it doesnt need to be said

  14. I am just going to defend Streetz and point out that several times last week people complemented Free for her relevance to hip hop and great personality.

    In fact I actually, being a hater, didn't think Free was cute at all. Thank my man actually made me listen to her rap AND THAT is when I developed when of the longest lasting crushes I have ever had. Damn I love a woman with bars. So that just throws away the idea that men are big on her b/c of her arse.

    1. Agreed for some it was all about Free's Ass but for others they was just happy to see Free on BET again but things like that get lost when Free's Ass is the number 1 topic in the world and she can barely get 20,000 downloads of her new single…its kinda like the whole Skylar Diggins thing during the womens final four, everyone was hyping how fine she was never mind she almost led her team to a championship

        1. "its kinda like the whole Skylar Diggins thing during the womens final four, everyone was hyping how fine she was never mind she almost led her team to a championship"

          Yeah I remember the the whole skylar Thirst thing. She had lots of dudes sipping on Sprite while watching the games.

  15. I wonder how much age plays into this. I was taught, by the women who raised me, that I should play up my assets for the reason you stated above, nobody sees my personality when they immediately look at me. In fact, those who try to guess usually end up telling me I'm way cooler than they had assumed. I think a lot of parents raise their daughters to down-play their natural gifts on some 'make them see your mind' stance. That's all well and good. But if a woman plays up her assets and gets a job, she only has to string together three coherent sentences to achieve a high performance review. Basically, it's easy to dazzle the audience when they have low exceptions tied to how you look.

    And really, Free's ass was phenomenal. I'm a hetero woman and when I saw the pics, I was like O_O.

  16. *slow claps*

    I see what you did with this post here.

    SMH to the women that didn't know by now men see looks first. You should know it by now.

    [email protected] Adonis.=> People get extra sensitive to what is written online and it always makes for hilarity.

    It's the simple complex nature of the opposite sex that adds to the appeal.

    If we had figured it all out would be no need for SBM and other blogs.

    Imagine a world without these blogs.

    *shudders*

    Don't worry all, I will keep upholding this paradox and other crap women do that men don't understand and blog about.

  17. Great topic. I'd say this was a false assumption though, which demonstrates the make lack of understanding and importance of beauty for women. –> "I’m pretty sure that women with big breasts, big butts, killer legs/abs, or even a gorgeous face, are fully cognizant of this reality."

    Tash and Miss Mina spoke truth, particularly the balance aspect; and Lady is so spot on about complimenting something different, it's original and demonstrates (however falsely) that you are different from the other men.

    1. So ur telling me that women with voluptuous body parts are NOT or can be ignorant of this reality? Nah you need China's population of People.

  18. First of all, I'm visual. I like men with butts and ripples that wear the hell out of some flat-front slacks!!!!! * swoon * My tastes have changed over the years. I used to love bball builds…tall and linky. Now, I prefer a little grown man meat.

    I said that to say…if that's what I'm scoping out in the room, on the street, at the cookout, in the mall, at the job, in the church, at the concert, in the restaurant, on the screen, in the magazine…even trying to catch a quick peek when I'm with my bf, I can't hate on him or any other man for doing the same…or constantly propping up the assets they admire most…which I do with my girls all the time! I get to the other qualities after I take in the eye candy stuff…unless the rela evolved from a friendship.

    When dudes are vulgar in front of the woman, I got a prob with that. Away from her…you can't hate on guy or girl talk. If we've been hanging for a minute and all you talk about is my assets, I got a prob with that. By then, there should be some other aspects of my being luring you in.

    I think people started tripping (not me, btw) about dudes reaction to Free's booty cause it started coming across as vulgar and crass. Y'all kinda let the world in on "guy talk"…stuff you gentlemen normally say when the ladies aren't within earshot of you.

    FTR, I actually pulled up the Free pics and showed them to my bf like, "Yo, you gotta see dis joint…its crazy!" LOL…

  19. This is why I really compliment women that I'm not with outside if my friends. You never know what youre going to get, especially of you compliment a physical part of her that is below the neck. The only time I'll say something slick is if I've been drinking and then it will always get a positive response because of how clever it is.

  20. Hey, Streetz, I luh how you gave this conundrum an official name and whatnot. (oh, psssssst btw, I shouted you out at the eCrib today.)

    Anyhow.

    "A woman wants to be recognized for her beauty. She is upset when those people she finds attractive or respects their taste, either do not compliment, or complement enough, her physical attributes. However, when a physical attribute receives an overwhelming amount of accolades, the woman feels insulted, demeaned , and hopes to have non physical attributes about herself more revered than visual beauty."

    You don't think there's a VALID difference between "You look gorgeous, babe." and "Oooh baby that azz look phat!"? I think it's all in the approach. Now you make a good point here…

    " Now, I’m not talking about the lude, unwanted advances of pervs and creepers, I’m talking about the genuine appreciation for those aesthetically pleasing aspects of you. '

    I really do think it depends on WHO says it along with how it's said. And even if it is said in a somewhat lewd manner, it depends on the guy. Doesn't mean any and every Pervy McPerverson has a right to comment (without rebuke). We all make exceptions for certain people.

    Overall, I'm not finna ack like I DON'T give my hips an extra shimmy when I walk by THAT dude. Because I shole do. #NeverShamed

    1. Okay. So, you made me laugh out loud in my cubicle…making folks aware that I'm reading something funny instead of working! LOL…

  21. Final Thoughts:

    Don't believe the hype: If you are attractive, NOTHING can go wrong,

    if you are a weak supplicating beta male, NOTHING can go right…

    For all these women who get s*xually harassed seconds out of puberty…

    WHERE IS YOUR RING/TITLE/GESTURE… You have no excuse not to be a loving relationship…

    You couldn't get one of those harassers to be a boyfriend/husband…

    "Sh*t don't add up" by Dr. J

    Women are complete hypocrites on this no matter how you slice it…

    If women operated with complete consistency on anything, they can garner SOME respect…

    Men: You are not trying to r.ape them & k.ill them, you just want a little moist relief every now & then…

    It is not a crime (yet) to pursue p*ssy aggressively… Know the laws in your jurisdiction…

    I know I do…

    1. You see… and this is where we disagree.

      Regardless of their blatant hypocrisy in many areas, I still respect women. All day, everyday.

      "I respect women" is cliche at best. I respect the humans and appreciate their differences as individuals and as well as any perceived general attributes. So I guess for me, respect is not determined by the consistency (or lack there of) I perceive. At least not in every case, on a basic level. I idea of respect is based on treatment (of myself). Though inconsistency can yield poor treatment, inconsistency in itself over my lifetime, has proven to be proof of a consistent goal of women generally. The same goal that men have generally: Take advantage of whatever situation to give yourself the most happiness. How can someone not respect that?

    2. "For all these women who get s*xually harassed seconds out of puberty…

      WHERE IS YOUR RING/TITLE/GESTURE… You have no excuse not to be a loving relationship…

      You couldn’t get one of those harassers to be a boyfriend/husband…"

      *SMHLMAO @ Adonis while handing him an ArmorVest — Boy you gonna need this. Put It On and the Helmut too!!!*

    3. Adonis, Ive been wondering for a long time if you were a real person…..Let me ask this, are you wearing a pisces shirt on the book?

      1. Yes, I was at Georgetown University, New South Computer Room when I took that pic…

        Thank you for destroying the myth that I hide behind a faceless avi…

        I am just lazy… & I have a take it over leave it attitude when it comes to sleeping with black chicks…

        1. Lol my friends don't call me a P.I for nothing!

          At least Im not rude and didn't post a link with your pic so the whole blog could see

        2. I wouldn't expect anything less… And PI swag is welcome (Cause I would put the same amount of energy into finding out your TRUE body count if I was giving you a ring…)

          And anything anybody puts on the internet is public knowledge…

          So, I appreciate the politeness, but ATEOTD, It is my job to keep the stuff secret, I want secret…

          Good Day

  22. I can offer the perspective of a women who rarely receives compliments on my physical attributes aside from personal style. Lol. In conversing with my best friend about this issue, we have come to the realization that the women who express their not-too-joyful opinions are the ones who either are envious or slightly feminist. Personally, I don't give two ships about whether or not people are talking about Free's booty meat. People will express their opinions and feel a certain way. Trying to change that is like trying to remove the ugly from Biz Markie's face. It ain't happenin'. Some people's feelings may be different, but who cares? Honestly? The only person who has a reason to be hurt by the situation is Free… And i'll bet $2.50 that she is glad for the publicity.

    Women who walk down the street may be "approached" by men in a less-than-appropriate manner. These women can either express their opinions angrily (which will not change the fact that he wants to phuckit) or they can brush it off and keep moving. People will act how they want to act, so that salty feeling that you get when that ship happens is only hurting you. Save yourself the drama ladies and just brush it off. Stay on your grind and don't worry about the well-being of others especially if they don't give a damn.

  23. It's just a question of how old I was at the time. Por ejemplo:

    *23 year old Teflon walks down the street*

    Rudeboy: Ay ma! You look good with that fat ass – come holla at me!

    Teflon: *clutches pearls and sidewinds awkwardly away trying not to not give an extra views of her booty, almost trips and falls*

    *32 year old Teflon walks down the street*

    Rudeboy: Ay Miss Big Booty! Lemme holla at ya for a minute.

    Teflon: *while putting a little extra pep in her step and waving hi with her left hand* Thank ya kindly, have a great day!"

    Another plus of the 30's….you're old enough to appreciate compliments from strangers (even if they're a little rough) and young enough to still get them.

  24. Wow … is there any value in even commenting this late in the game? LOL.

    Maybe this sentiment has been stated (so many comments flying, I may have missed it!) … however, 'my truth' is that it's all respective of how I'm feeling that day.

    If I know the twins are at attn, and my v-cut top could potentially cause my mother to fall out in shame … well, I'm definitely getting my ego fed when I catch mouths dropping.

    If I'm tired or just entirely focused on whatever I need to get done immediately, even something as innocuous as "Good morning, beautiful" from a man — could potentially get severe side-eye action.

    Just take solace in the fact that we both will be in for a surprise … I don't know how I will react each day either.

  25. All black queens are beautiful. Great article. See the best and brightest in a new place. Great black webisodes, twenty every week for the next twelve weeks. youtube.com/twentytwelve . Check it out!!

  26. All black queens are beautiful. Great article. Correcting previous post : See the best and brightest in a new place. Great black webisodes, twenty every week for the next twelve weeks. youtube.com/twentyfortwelve . Check it out!! youtube.com/twentyfortwelve

  27. This is so 21st century. So now that women have the sexual freedom to do as they pleased they really dont want to do anything that men have always been allowed to do?

    As we say in Brooklyn…bupkus!!!

    Women cried to the high heaven about men are allowed to show off their bodies in just about any situation and in any shape. Well have you noticed now in 2011 women wear (of all races now) really short shorts, leggins-see through at times, tops that dont cover the belly and all kinds of borderline inappropriate office attire? When I was 23 most of the "bad dressed" employees at my job were the women-skirts too short or tops too revealing.

    As a man I have welcomed women to the fray. I loved the "How Does It Feel" video D'Angelo dropped in the 90's. In school I always made sure to keep flipping the tv back to BET:).

    It was funny to debate woman on p*rns effect on men yet, once the video went off I dared those same women to just go back to studying calculus or the French-Indian War.

    I laugh that women seem to want a foot in the "I'm not that kinda of woman" or "I am much more than my body/looks" door yet step out with outfits that do nothing but draw attention. Even the gym attire is tighter and borderline lingerie.

    And in NYC you see way more T&A now than ever, all inadvertently. From young to old, women board the train with plunging necks-, the push up bra's which-boobs in 3D, leggins you can see her inner thigh tats (and this is early in the morning I have to wonder where is she going), some sit with a really short skirt-legs open not wide but I have seen enough to fill a book (I see this at least once a month on the train and now its summer…). And then there's the steps, O.M.G.

    How about the women who knew the skirt or shorts was short and skimpy before she brought it-it was skimpy when she tried it on at home BUT its when she hits the streets she pulls and tugs at her a foot above the knee shorts…this woman is the epitome of all of this.

    She wants to shows off them thighs but the tugging is so self conscious and reeks of doubt. Also I remind women doing that when you see men is pointless since there are some lesbians checking you out as well.

    Last, as a man look and touch me all you want, I am still a man, men are cool with this to some point because well we are just stronger than most women. It means nothing, I know (the D'Angelo video affect) women look at us the same way. Pac, LL, Trey Songz and Idris to name a few get legs crossing and some serious shifting in the seats. (Yes it helps if he can complete a sentence slang free but that is not what got her attention.)

    No women looks (initially) at these guys and ponders about his personality nor his intelligence. And even if they do care about that, like men if they come to see he's as dumb as a room fool of Fox exces well he can still get it. They are just doing what men have always done.

    Reducing something to what it really is and not what you want it to be. This explains why you see powerful women shacking up and in some cases having a baby with a guy that when you break it down is just a pretty face.

    This is the sexual freedom women cried over never being able to really express. Did we really think young vigorous women in their sexual prime would only notice men for their brains and vice versa? Yea mom, and grandma and them say that but face it Ms. Thang appeases them and then texts Mr. Stud-Six Pack and lines up her daily smash-a-thon. And why not, she has the degree, the money her own car and pad even if she doesnt have all of these things still why not?

    As a guy whose waist size is lower than his age (33 and 35) I welcome the women to look I would be lying if I didnt say its one of the reasons to work out (along with the health, I am pre-disposed to Diabetes). Men are competitive we want an edge ANY edge. If losing weight and getting in shape works, then fine, whats with all the overwrought heavy handed philosophical bantering? Her ogling me doesnt take away from my intelligence.

    However I dont say much to women at all these days, I havent complimented a women in the street since around 2001 or 2002, many of you just look right past us. Just waiting for the negative comment, so I say nothing, if she cant look me in the eye then why should I open my mouth?

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