Home Featured Stay In Your Lane Please

Stay In Your Lane Please

48

“Son don’t hang your hat where you can’t reach it…”

We all have flaws and it can be easy to find faults in someone if you analyzed them closely enough. Even models look a hot mess in the morning. However, there seem to be a lot of people that have a very high opinion of themselves that is sometime unwarranted. You got a lot of people walking around as 6’s expecting 9 results. No matter how much you delude yourself, it’s going to be really hard to pass that 6 off for a 9 in the real world. There’s an annoying population of the world that have an inflated estimate of their self worth that doesn’t quite add up. By self worth, I’m taking into account not only the way people think they look, but all the things they place value on that they may think they are just as good as or better at than other people.

There is a huge difference between have high self esteem and overestimating one’s self worth. A lot of time it seems that people refuse to be honest with themselves and come to terms with the fact that they may not live up to a certain standard. If you want to play a game with people based on looks and possessions, you’re playing with a short deck and you’re gonna come up short every time. Tire gloss is not going to turn your Toyota into the Beamer that’s going to turn the heads of the bobble heads you’re trying to impress as they stumble out the club, and wearing leggings isn’t going to turn your long back into a donk. Not gonna happen.

See Also:  The Dating Middle Class: Are We Ignoring the 47 Percent?

Quick tidbit about “lane jumpers”. The jumpers don’t just exist in social circles. There is usually huge infestations of lane jumpers lurking at the workplace, diminishing the ability for everything to run smoothly in their efforts to attempt doing another person’s job and failing miserably. What could have taken one person 20 minutes to do is now going to take 3 people 2 hours to do, all because someone wanted to do much, or sometimes not enough. Their focus on stealing the shine from someone else stopping them from actually shining. Nobody likes a shiner anyway. If you’re really as good as you say you are, the proof will be in the pudding. Just make sure you got good pudding.

This is all not to say that even if you may not be that attractive that you should expect to live your life in solitude forever. Your life isn’t over if you aren’t drop dead gorgeous. It just means you should stop trying to be something you’re not, and just be comfortable with who you are. The more time you spend wondering why someone else garners so much attention is less time you have to worry about yourself. Overestimating your self worth to compensate for shortcomings instead of actually addressing them head on will lead to no where. So if you know you got a funny shaped head, don’t get a mohawk because it’s what’s poppin’ in the streets. If you had a normal haircut, she’d take you seriously.

See Also:  How Do We Help The Friend That Won't Listen?

I’m far from perfect, so don’t think I’m attempting to look down on the “less fortunate” and lecture them. I know what my strong points are and work everyday to improve upon my weakness. What I won’t do is pretend that I’m something that I’m not that. The things I can change I will change, and the things I can’t will just have to stay the way they are. If that’s not good enough for someone, they can kick rocks. After all, inflating values is what got us stuck in this recession. That probably had nothing to do with what I’m saying but I felt like saying it…so there.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? There’s an app for that.

On cruise control,

Comment(48)

  1. There is a huge difference between have high self esteem and overestimating one’s self worth.

    Truth.com. That is all.

  2. My First thought…

    This post is for men & women who overshoot in dating swag, and crush & burn…

    My Second Thought…

    I tend to underestimate myself… I need friends around to remind me that I am pretty awesome…

    People should acknowledge reality, so they can do a proper diagnosis

    Then after that, BE DELUSIONAL AS F*CK

    We The Best N*ggas…

    But most people never take that look in the mirror, just go straight to Fantasy Island… Sad, but true…

    Works for some, but most fall flat on their a$$

    1. "I tend to underestimate myself"

      Word? That's what you've been doing all this time? Well, damn.

      Your entire post was deep-fried in irony.

      1. I'm a little taken aback that you have me all figured out like that…

        But I tend to focus on what I am NOT doing, as opposed to what I have accomplish thus far…

        Keeps me humble

        Carry on…

    2. And as, for me, no such thing as a lane… The world is my oyster…

      Make mistakes early & often… So, if & when I make it to my 30s, I will have 85% of life figured out…

  3. Well, by the very definition of my screen name I would be likely to end up on the lane jumper list. lol But in all honesty, I wholeheartedly like this post. I'm tired of dealing with people who keep focusing on being extraordinary but never took the time to master the ordinary.

    There's nothing wrong if you wanna Aim High, Willis (HA!), but stop trying to handle dissertations when you never finished the 10th grade. People usually get mad when I say this and I'm not sure if they find it rude or if it hits a little too close to home, but… Everybody can't be doctors and lawyers and engineers, somebody's gotta be the garbage man too. In other words, everyone has a role to play. Yes, we assign more prestige to some more than others, but at the end of the day stuntin' and frontin' ain't gon' get you nowhere but broke.

    I think I'll end it here, the later the night gets, the less tact I tend to have.

    1. I agree with all of this. Sports analogies are always fun. People always like to say that you can overcome anything if you put your mind to it, especially in sports. That's patently false though. It's like what they always said about Yao Ming, "You can't teach 7'6"." That's fine though. There isn't any need to place the entirety of your happiness into one thing.

      Random aside, garbage men in NYC can earn up to 80k a year based on their hours and how much experience they have.

    2. "Everybody can’t be doctors and lawyers and engineers, somebody’s gotta be the garbage man too. In other words, everyone has a role to play. Yes, we assign more prestige to some more than others, but at the end of the day stuntin’ and frontin’ ain’t gon’ get you nowhere but broke."

      Whew… say that!

      You know, I'm so tired of everybody with these fake Facebook/twitter "business". According to a lot of people's Facebook pages, EVERYBODY is a CEO of their own business now… even though they go to the same 9 to 5 that I do, and whatever "business" they have never generates money, they don't have business cards… or a website… or any clients…etc.

      Don't get me wrong. I love entrepreneurship… and I think its awesome anytime someone can work for themselves… but when did having a regular job and going to work everyday to support yourself become something to be embarrassed about to the point where you have to make up a business to be the CEO of???

      I'm over the stuntin too. Yeah its great for you to be a business owner… but no CEO succeeds without hiring great people to carry out their vision. Just be proud that you HAVE a job and take pride in the fact that you do what you do well. Its nothing to be embarrassed about…

      1. "You know, I’m so tired of everybody with these fake Facebook/twitter “business”. According to a lot of people’s Facebook pages, EVERYBODY is a CEO of their own business now"

        LMAO..

        Well in their defense FB is a networking site, I know quite a few women who are now burning some hair straight outta their kitchen due to FB advertising…

        "Shanika's fried chicken and weaves"

    3. "I’m tired of dealing with people who keep focusing on being extraordinary but never took the time to master the ordinary."

      Man, you ain't never lie! Say it again, brother.

  4. "and wearing leggings isn’t going to turn your long back into a donk. Not gonna happen."

    LMAO! Thanks for that.

  5. This was a great post to read on this lovely Friday morning… I can think of a couple hundred people on facebook who should read it as well but I won't get started on that subject this early lol!

    Honestly I think we sometimes get so wrapped up in what everyone else appears to be accomplishing we tend to lose track or down play what we have actually accomplished. Of course we all want nothing but happiness and greatness in our lives but we shouldn' t let others per-select or set a "minimal" bar for us… If I am happy working a 9-5 for someone else then let me do that, everyone isn' t meant to be a CEO…

    BTW “and wearing leggings isn’t going to turn your long back into a donk. Not gonna happen.” Killed me!!!! As a 5 ft 9in long and lean female I have fully accepted that I will more then likey never join #teamdonk#… Its okay though I have just enough to fill out the jeans and tights lol

    1. "Honestly I think we sometimes get so wrapped up in what everyone else appears to be accomplishing we tend to lose track or down play what we have actually accomplished."

      This! A Chinese philosopher once said something like–one will not be happy until one stops comparing and competing.

      This is real because 9 out of 10 we are comparing ourselves to a fictitious character we made up in our mind. Meaning, the rich, happy person you want to be like may not be happy at all. Just work on what you want to change and stop worrying about the next man.

      1. "This is real because 9 out of 10 we are comparing ourselves to a fictitious character we made up in our mind. Meaning, the rich, happy person you want to be like may not be happy at all. Just work on what you want to change and stop worrying about the next man."

        THIS!!!!!

  6. "Their focus on stealing the shine from someone else stopping them from actually shining. Nobody likes a shiner anyway. If you’re really as good as you say you are, the proof will be in the pudding. Just make sure you got good pudding."

    I am really feeling that…nice post.

    Consider me an official lane jumper though. The world is my highway and I am not limited by anything but God and myself. Yao Ming may be 7'6 but Mugsy played bball great too right! There is always a way to get/do what you want if it is meant for you to have/do it. Limiting yourself because of perceived flaws is sad. There are many people walking around unaware of how wonderful they really are.

    Nothing beats a failure but a try.

    The difference between the garbage collector and the doctor may not be only aptitude but choice. The garbage collector may not care to heal the sick and vice versa. There is beauty in striving to keep our neighborhoods clean as well as healing the sick. There is no comparison because we need them both right! People kill me with thinking that one occupation is 'better' than the next. One title may make you more money but that doesn’t really mean your quality of life will be better or worse. Goes to show that we assign too much value to $$$.

    As far as looks–Beauty is so subjective; I can even speak on it. I know many people and they all like different things. Therefore, it is safe to say that we all have the ability to find someone…and that is all that should matter.

    1. "Consider me an official lane jumper though. The world is my highway and I am not limited by anything but God and myself. Yao Ming may be 7’6 but Mugsy played bball great too right! There is always a way to get/do what you want if it is meant for you to have/do it. "

      YES!!

      “Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can.” Henry Drummond

      1. Actually, if you have read Garner's Modern American Usage you would know that the New York Times makes many grammatical faux pas.

        #ImFarTooMuchOfaNerd

        1. They all do bro. I actually mark up newspapers and send the corrections in all the time. But you know what i'm saying, but thanks for the reply.

    1. @JustSaying

      We know you LOVE BM, you don't have to remind us…

      If you have something insightful or profound to contribute the discussion, it would be greatly appreciated…

      And for the record women are better communicators & writers then men (overall), y'all are better built for that… I can understand where you are coming from to some degree…

      We men have strengths in other areas… That is a GOOD thing…

  7. My screenname aside, i'm driving comfortably in my lane bumping the Blueprint 1. I work a regular 40 hrs a week, so im not gonna post "I'ma boss" in my twitter bio, i'm a decent 7 so im not gonna be walkin around like im a 10. Pretending to be something im not only says im not happy wit what i am.

    1. " I work a regular 40 hrs a week, so im not gonna post “I’ma boss” in my twitter bio," idk why, but this made me Lol

  8. great post.

    "By self worth, I’m taking into account not only the way people think they look, but all the things they place value on that they may think they are just as good as or better at than other people."

    i think there are certain areas of my life where i think i'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and other areas where i severely undervalue myself. i'm still working on that balance.

  9. Love the post. And this… "If that’s not good enough for someone, they can kick rocks."

    It took me a long while to get comfortable in my skin and I still fail at it from time to time. But for those who "I feel" judge me too much for the positive or the negative I always say, "They can just move around."

  10. Hmm, I've got problems telling/hearing others tell people they should "stay in their lane." Like, who, am I to say you ain't raw enough to approach that man/woman?

  11. "and wearing leggings isn’t going to turn your long back into a donk. Not gonna happen."

    LOL! Too funny…

    "If you’re really as good as you say you are, the proof will be in the pudding. Just make sure you got good pudding."

    THIS! I was just having this conversation with my bf yesterday. Sooo true!

    "I know what my strong points are and work everyday to improve upon my weakness. What I won’t do is pretend that I’m something that I’m not that. The things I can change I will change, and the things I can’t will just have to stay the way they are. If that’s not good enough for someone, they can kick rocks."

    I think that quote sums up your post very nicely.

    I'm very aware of what I do well and what I suck at, lol. And, I'm quick to tell people "no" if they try to get me to do something I'm not good at. I don't feel the need to be at the front and center of everything…I know when to sit my tail down and let other capable folks take the reigns, lol. Shoot, I don't even feel like trying to do everything, lol…a sista be tired!

  12. I've noticed lane jumpers seem to pervade the internet and the social networking sites. Dudes I know who'd struggle to finish the Cat in the Hat are now quoting Nietzsche and Thoreau. I have no problem with people trying to improve themselves but lets not pretend you didn't log onto famousquotes.com this morning. We all know you didn't read Civil Disobedience C'MON SON.

    People just have a tough time living in their own skin these days. No amount of followers or online friends can replace the feeling of being true to yourself.

    1. so people can't try to aim for higher, they are just supposed to stay down reading cat in the hat…some of you just despise seeing ppl trying to advance….

      1. Huh did you even read what I said? How is someone trying advance by posting quotes on FB, most of the time using then out of context? I never said don't read those people I said quit fronting like you are by posting their quotes when you've never read them. Big difference

  13. I'm my own harshest critic. I have good days and bad days but I am true to myself, who I am and where I am in my life. I think at the end of the day that's what's most important. Good write Lex.

  14. I wonder if this is true with women too, because from my personal experience (and random people's blogs, therapy sessions etc.) women often under-estimate themselves. That's why you can see a pretty girl with a not-so-gorgeous man, even when he isn't rich and successful. I see it all the time with my friends: too afraid to go all out for that man that IS in your league, and ready to settle for one a couple notches below. Probably one reason why some women don't leave an abusive partner, either. Apparently women who lack a male role model often have the most shaky self-esteems. Doesn't have to be dad, an uncle, grandpa, anyone will do, just a man to tell you you're the most beautiful little girl alive (whether you are or not is irrelevant). This is not a generalization, just something I've read from psychology magazines.

    Also, just my personal opinion, lack of self-esteem is more dangerous than overabundance of it. Though I understand how it can get annoying when someone keeps tooting their own horn.

  15. I simply wish there was a universally established metric system that people could assess their worth on. From looks, to job, to education, everything. People amaze me. Like your post, I'm all for confidence and high self esteem but some people…mannnn….especially on the Internet?!?

    Radio – 6 kids by 8 baby mommas, no GED having, been on Maury twice and American Idol three times – Raheim1991: "I cant date no woman that isnt a 36-24-36, AT MINIMUM, and she better be making money and have my food ready when I get home from my momma's house!"

    Ratchet – 6 kids by 8 baby daddies, no GED having, living at home, Bad Girls Club runner up three times running, former home coming queen 150 pounds and 10 years ago – Rhonda1901: "I cant date no man that doesnt make 6 figures, AT MINIMUM! He bet not have no kids either. I HATE BABY MOMMA DRAMA AND I DONT GET ALONG WITH WOMEN, so he gotta be cool with the fact that I got 105 homeboys, 97 of which I've had xes with before because I CANT STAND NO INSECURE MAN!"

    I'm just sayin…People of the Internet, perspective, get some.

    Hey, it's Friday…I wasn't feeling very tacful today. *shrugs*

    – FIN –

  16. "Radio – 6 kids by 8 baby mommas, no GED having, been on Maury twice and American Idol three times – Raheim1991: “I cant date no woman that isnt a 36-24-36, AT MINIMUM, and she better be making money and have my food ready when I get home from my momma’s house!”

    Bwahaaaaaa.. So True!!! but hey it's a man shortage though riiighttt??? *lol*

    "AT MINIMUM! He bet not have no kids either. I HATE BABY MOMMA DRAMA AND I DONT GET ALONG WITH WOMEN, so he gotta be cool with the fact that I got 105 homeboys, 97 of which I’ve had xes with before because I CANT STAND NO INSECURE MAN!”

    I'm DEAD and GONE….

    /___________/

  17. The thing about "staying in your lane" is that that lane often "changes" based on a couple of things:

    1. Your level of awareness of who you are.

    2. Your depth of understanding of how "far and wide" the lane you happen to be in really is.

    3. And how much faith you have in your own potential and how diligently you're willing to work to achieve your potential as a man.

    I've often found that many guys can "elevate" their station by continuously attacking the barriers ("the guard rails") of the lane that they happen to be in——-simply by DARING to do so.

    In other words, if a man honestly and correctly estimates his self worth in the present position that he's in, then that's fine. However, the second he decides that his present position is his "end point" rather than his "start point", then he's just signed his own personal development "death sentence".

    Victory Unlimited

  18. A good number of people missed the point of this post. The author clearly stated that there is nothing wrong with addressing your weaknesses and working to better yourself; in fact, that's what he does on an ongoing basis. There is also nothing admirable about pretending to be something you are not. If you don't know how to do something, work towards mastering it. Do NOT come with whistles, bells and a false air of authority, only to mess things up for everyone instead of letting those who are more knowledgeable handle the situation. By all means, have your dreams, goals, and aspirations. At the same time, be aware of your present limitations and retain at least a modicum of humility.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This