Home Featured Not All Booty Is Made Equal

Not All Booty Is Made Equal

Shout out to your mirror and the extra work it has to put in as you self-diagnose yourself.

I had a post lined up for you guys until late last week a friend of mine asked me to look at a picture of a young lady in a bathing suit. I took a look at it and I said, “Yo, I told you that sunglasses is like pencil skirts to me. They deceive men.” And then he said, “lol… no, she look like she working with something.” I took another look at the picture and concluded, “Yeah, she do, but that look like it could be fat-back.” Now everybody knows exactly what I’m talking about, fat back makes men think they have a chick with a phatty, but it turns out that’s just a collection of fat stored on her back. This got me to thinking, and I replied, “This would make a great post.” (As if we’ve had any shortage of posts on SBM.org lately that speak to the Passion of the Black Female Body Image.) I thought I had some things to add to the discussion though, things that were worth noting.

Fresh new mix from my main man, DJ Todd aka @carverthegreat, this one’s called, The Low End Thoery, Vol.2 – Callipygians:

First let me start off by saying this about myself, I’m not a breasts or butt guy. I’m more like a proportioned guy. I will also admit that Cherokee D’Ass scares me. I’m terrified of Buffie the Body. And I think that people have been gassing Pinkie for years. I just don’t see what’s all that attractive about her. However, what I will tell you is that although I’m more likely to be impressed by a flat stomach and a nice pair of legs, I can speak the lingo and I can diagnose some booty with the best of them. It shouldn’t surprise you that last night when I’m playing the Single Ladies drinking game, although Lisa Raye’s poor acting skills force me to listen to the show on mute, I’m not above, standing at attention in my football pose and saying, “YAMCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE” every time she graces my TV screen.

(For those of you who haven’t heard of the Single Ladies drinking game, it goes a little something like this, you take a shot for any of the following; (1) A booty shot of Stacey Dash, (2) a booty shot of Lisa Raye, (3) every time Stacey slaps Lisa Raye on the booty, (4) TWO SHOTS for every booty shot of the white girl, because as I’m sure you’ve heard me say before, “that white girl got [ass] for days,” and (5) the first person to note that Stacey Dash is not wearing a bra doesn’t have to drink, but everyone else has to take a shot. As a word to the wise, Stacey has not worn a bra in the last ten years.)

Nonetheless, Single Ladies affords me the opportunity to break down, in my personal opinion, the various types of booties.

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1) Stacey Dash, “Petite” – I can’t lie, I think Stacey Dash’s figure on this show is perfect. In my opinion, every guy’s likes are different. If there’s one thing about a body image article written by a man that you have to keep in mind, it’s that all men are different. I like athletic bodies like Stacey Dash, but some men will tell you she’s skinny. The best way to really tell if a chick is “petite” is if she has those dimples on her lower back.

2) Lisa Raye, “The Badaonkadonk” – This is often times referred to as a fatty or yams. Lisa Raye has put in work over the years and she garners respect for her role in the Player’s Club. It’s amazing though, Sade never changed a thing about her voice or art from the time she initially debuted and she’s a legend. Lisa Raye hasn’t improved her acting since Player’s Club and it shows. (And in reference to our discussion last week, is anybody going to ask her why she won’t change her name back from Lisa Raye-Misick? Didn’t that divorce end messy? She’s holding on a little too hard.)

3) Charity Shea (aka that white girl), “Wide Load” – You always have to be careful trying to say that some white girl has a booty. A lot of times men see wide hips and they think she has a fatty. Not Charity though, I don’t assess the booty from behind, I need to side profile. But next time you’re walking down the street make sure you take a look at the side profile before you declare a white woman to be a “whooty.” (I hate that term by the way.) Charity’s got that now & later flow, you know, she stops walking now but her booty stops later.

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Now it’s a few others worth noting that are not often seen on television, but they need to be mentioned just for good measure.

1) Bubbles – This is that type of joint that’s tight, and doesn’t really have a lot of jiggle to it. If she jumps up and down it stops when she does. But that don’t make it small, she could still be packing something back there. A good way to spot these is when you look at a girl’s jeans and the booty just slides up above the waist of her jeans. That booty will not be wavered or break stride, it sticks together and for that reason it’s always searching for a way out.

2) Slim Joints – Now you have petite and you have slim joints. Like Stacey’s got a full joint, it’s just small and petite. Don’t sleep on the slim joints though. That’s when not only does she have those dimples on her lower back, but she got them on both sides of behind too. You usually see this with models, not named Rosa Acosta. (Is it any secret that Rosa is a Hot Tamale?)

3) Noassatall – A lot of this comes down to genetics, and childbirth. I don’t know but I come to notice that a lot of women never get the donk back like they had before they had kids. And then sometimes they just never had one to begin with. That can happen. Chances are if nobody in your family had a great big old booty, you won’t have one either.

4) Good GoogleyMoogely – #Freesass, #ILoveSerena, see the difference between this and the “Badaonkadonk” is the reaction on a guy’s face when a girl like this walks by. If you see a group of guys stop stare, mouth gaped open and their head snapped back, that right there is “Good GoogleyMoogely.” Little something about this one though; although a man really appreciates this when she’s in her twenties, if she don’t do something to tighten that up, she’s going to end up with some weight issues in her late 30s to 40s. A lot of women want to have humongous booties, but the one thing they not taking into account is the effect that has on your body. I had a friend who told me how much she loved her body after she gained a little weight. Then one day she thought she’d like to start jogging, these were her exact words, “Jay, so I go for a jog and I start jogging and I’m immediately like, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Is that my butt jumping around like that?” And it was…

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5) In Those Jeans – I’ll end with a story. I always tell this story about jeans and fatties in college. I was convinced that some women had awesome bodies of epic proportions when I first got to college. I remember I was trying to take something home one time after a campus party. And just to give a little background, although some girls like to be close to naked, for the most part in Upstate NY, most girls wore jeans and field boots. Anyway, this one Latina caught my eye and I’m thinking, “She’s got a donk.” I got her to the dorm room and those jeans came off and … it got real. As a young Patowan, I did not know anything about the wonders of contoured clothing, especially jeans with the ability to conceal some physical flaws of her lower region. It seemed as though Earth’s crust shifted when she took off those jeans. And for that I call that type of booty, “In those jeans” because it was best if the booty stayed, “in those jeans.”

– Dr. J, asks that we all bow our heads and thank God for Yoga Pants.

About Today’s Dr. J & DJ Todd’s Mix, download here, Playlist: 1. Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot, 2. Pull Over That Azz Too Phat by Trina, 3. Shake That Monkey by Too Short, 4. Back That Azz Up by Juvenile, 5. Donk by Soulja Boy, 6. Ms. New Booty, 7. Doin Da Butt by E.U., 8. Let Me See The Booty by The-Dream, 9. Da Baddest by Big Kuntry King & Trey Songz, 10. Booty Work by T-Pain, 11. Dance (Azz) by Big Sean, 12. Ms. Phat Booty by Mos Def, 13. Slow Down by Bobby V, 14. In Love Wit Yo Booty by John Blu, 15. Big Ole Butt by LL Cool J


  1. Yeah dog. Around my way we call the in those jeans the inflate-a-booty. That's the same chicks who booty varies from day to day. Monday she gotta donk. Tuesday noassatall. Wed. it's cool. I don't trust those AT ALL. I used to look for those Cherokee type booties back in the G but I'm noticing the fall from grace as they age is a beast. Now I think I got it figured out. You want a smaller but shapely frame. That way as the weight goes on if you luck out it can be distributed in a favorable manner.

    1. I knew a girl like that she had these black jeans and only in them she had a nice lil rump so we called her "only fat in black" (between her wearing black jeans and the name its clear we were only like 13 lol)

    1. lmao me too…ive turned to the side a few times…tilted my head…looked from the back…switched to the other side…cupped a cheek…turned back to the side…lol smh the emphasis on the booty has gotten outta hand!

      oh and, I too, am dead at that last line lol

  2. As a veteran booty connoisseur, I have to say… It is not about how much weigh you put on (lie), but where the weight is (proportion)

    Even though Spicee Cajun looks freakish, she can afford to hold alot of weight because of her genetics…

    Back to weight, getting in shape on the woman's side, could help out the marriage crisis… 🙂

        1. Aww! That is so sweet… but you would be wrong. I'm petit cause I'm 5'1 but I carry a lot of weight in my hips/thighs. #pearshaped

  3. I'ma just sit back, grab my popcorn and await the glory that today's post is bound to bring about today. Thank you, Dr. J, this should be epic.

  4. This is TERRIBLE lol!

    Big Legs and Butts are in my fam..sigh..and your right..

    EXERCISE is the key!!! (gotta keep it tight & right) :-/

  5. I can't say I've ever confused back fat with butt. I can eyeball work. If she holding something, I can tell. That white girl on single ladies definitely has no butt at all.

        1. imma have to say the white girl looks more like a wide load…she has hips but i bet her naked behind isnt cute =/ Lisa Raye wins this pic hands down…look at the rotund-ness!

  6. Lol hilarious post! As much as I would love nothing more than to be the proud owner of a "Wide load," I think those phenoms only come out of genetics which just doesn't run in my bloodline :-(. I'm just going to keep hoping that the gym time will at least upgrade my plain old "Standard issue" to a "Bumper." Putting in that work! In the meantime thank God for the assets I do have!

    1. Talk to the white women at the gym. And read those women's magazines. But a heavy rotation of lunges and leg curls will do you justice. And don't cheat on those lunges, get those knees to the floor.

      1. I will do leg curls and lunges allll day. Squats… not so much. I'll do them but I swear those things are killers. Lol @ talking to the white women though.

        1. Speaking as a trainer, few exercises work better than the weighted bridge, for several reasons. The two main reasons are you are able to contract the glutes harder than just standing and doing it. The second is it forces you to actually use your glute muscles. Most people have absolutely no idea that their glute muscles aren't firing properly. I know guys that can squat over 400 pounds, and they struggle doing a weighted glute bridge with just a 45-pound plate in their laps.

          The article here states to increase the reps, but that will only help you so far. Your best bet is to:

          1. Start adding weight.

          2. Elevate your legs or shoulders (place them on a bench) so the range of motion is increased.

          3. If you really think you're strong, do it one leg at a time.

      2. I've read that deadlifts help too. I will caution some of you ladies though. You don't want to create any muscular imbalances (will mess up your joints) so be careful. That's hard to do on the glutes but still, a word of warning is necessary here.

        1. Those pelvic lifts look cool. Thanks for the info! I 'll definitely heed that warning too. Think I'm gonna get a trainer to help soon though. So I don't throw anything out and I do the exercises properly.

        2. I know guys like the Natalia Munteans of the world but I thought they liked the ripple effect if the less chiseled too. This just confuses me. Any clarifications before we go break our hips in the gym?

          I think I'm team standard issue. I'm too y'all to be considered petite I guess.

        3. @krystllyght I totally get you. I would never want to be Johnny Bravo cut. I think that women look best when they're firm and toned. I'm hitting the gym to improve my tone and maintain it once I get the desired look. I'm not a dude so I can't make any generalizations for them but out of the guys I know or have dated, they love the softness of a woman's curves. Body building on women just never looks right to me. Their boobs shrink into nothingless. Not a good look…

        4. krystllyght: "I will caution some of you ladies though. You don’t want to create any muscular imbalances (will mess up your joints) so be careful. That’s hard to do on the glutes but still, a word of warning is necessary here."

          That's a good warning, but it is almost impossible to make your glutes too strong. Especially if you have a desk job and your hip flexor muscles are shortened and your glutes are lengthened most of the day. Same with hamstrings, for women. Most women are naturally quad-dominant, and have underdeveloped hamstrings. This is why so many female basketball players blow their ACLs.

          BimRock: "I would never want to be Johnny Bravo cut. I think that women look best when they’re firm and toned."

          Keep going at it with the exercises. It is difficult to build the muscle and take off the fat, but easy to gain the fat back. If you think you went too far, it is very easy to put on the brakes. Because of estrogen, it's not easy for women to get cut anyway.

        5. Oh Hughey, I love when you talk fitness and kinesiology to me! It is true that most of us are quad-dominant but instead of just focusing on the glutes, I think it's important to strengthen the entire posterior kinetic chain. I had to give that warning though because some knucklehead out there always tries to take it too far.

        1. Thanks @krystllyght … hopefully it'll spark some of you ladies into changing ya's, but to fit the topic of discussion of course.

        2. Well I changed mine but I wont be posting a booty pic. I'll leave that up to the other ladies on here.

    1. Why are we bringing this up?

      What am I suppose to do take time out during backshots to give thanks to my ancestors for their genetics?

      Are we only allowed to hit it from the back on S. Bartmaan's bday?

      Do you want us to boycott a$$ worship?

      What do you want?? What is the political statement you are trying to make??

      There is no historical significance to backshots… the very concept offends my pen!s.

  7. Just add my bubblicious donkey to the list of things I have sacrificed to the twins. Now donkeysha is trying to spread like mustard. I had to let go of the thick-in-all-the-right-places figure and I'm now striving for something on the slimmer side. I refuse to blow up like nitro in this piece!

  8. lmao great post…

    Please let them know that all butt isn’t great butt… I see girls all the time with the back fat coming out their jeans, thinking they have the dunk. I’m 5'7 so my weight varies from time to time, when I was 132 I had the petite booty (still poking though) now I'm 150 (I keep in shape so nothing’s flabby) but I upgraded from the petite to the Amazon. I have to thank my mama she passed on some great genes.

        1. Right?! I saw that beauty UP close. AND witnessed a donk contest between you and L Boogie to the tune of "She gotta donk *clapclap* she gotta donk *clapclap*…" Have a SEAT, Lala. Oh wait, stand up. The view is better. Hee.

        2. You too Cheekie!!!!

          Say it ain't so, say it ain't so!!!!

          Ya'll negras ain't sh*t!!! My plan was to quietly give Jay props on his post and enjoy the comments…but noooooooo!

        3. DEAD! DEAD! DEADDDDDDDDDDD at Cheekie!

          Lala….what you have is a gift from GAWD. I wasn't putting you out I was basking in the glory of what is Tush. #luhyou

        4. *Tear drops* I wanna see … I wanna see … Why don't you have any pics of yourself on ur page LaLa? Show us SOMETHING! Lol

        5. Cheekie speaks truf and I have photographic evidence of said DonkOff contest…it was a thing of beauty.

      1. @LalaBackSide on Max's blog everybody was raving & craving about your wondrous ASSets…

        Well, the ASSologist is here! For your *ah hem* proper ASSesment… Link me a few pics & we'll get started…

        GIFs with jiggles preferred…

        1. these claims are getting out of hand Streetz.

          All I ask is one pic. Just one pic in my inbox.

  9. good post. i know this post is about a$$ but this line stuck out to me the most:

    "I’m more likely to be impressed by a flat stomach and a nice pair of legs"

    mostly because of the post i wrote today over at my blog. you should check it out. i believe we think a lot alike when it comes to the fairer s ex. either way taking it back to the backside i think petite, bubble and amazons might be more along my speed.

    1. Ain't nothing wrong with a standard issue. It ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean.

      Plus in my opinion, I can do much more damage with your standard issue glok-9mm, than a bazooka.


  10. Man, you're an idiot but at the same time, some kind of genius. I pretty much agree with all of this post. I appreciate Pinky's skill set but I too have always felt she was overrated. Cherokee d use to built type sloppy (I'm not a fan of out of shape, bullet wound looking @ss like some black men.) Thing is, Cherokee D did come back as Cherokee D 2.0, with a buzz cut and you could tell she hit the gym. I was impressed. You should look into that.

    Buffy is a butta face, always has been, always will be. Plus, I'm pretty sure her @ss was created in a lab somewhere by a fairly unskilled scientist. Lastly, "that white girl" seems to be more hips than @ss in my humble opinion. I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on that one bruh bruh.

      1. A word about Coco: "Coco's ass and Rick Ross raps… fake as hell, but I feel em."

        Would a white girl be welcomed in Hollywodd with a fattie? I'm not sure. I don't even think you have too many mainstream Hollywood actresses with fatties to begin with. I can name adult film stars, but not in the legitimate entertainment business.

        Jessica Biel is working with something, but it's just a little not my type for me. She looks like a cat with whiskers.

      2. @Adonis: Famous AND with a fattie? Not off the top of my head (besides a few video vixens, but I wouldnt consider them famous).

        There are a lot of famous white women with NICE @sses. As herbetteroption said, Jessica Biel is one. Kate Hudson circa My Best Friend's Girl, when he grabbed a handful of that handside? I think we all rejoiced. Anyway, as far as "nice" ones the list goes on an on. Sistas (and Latinas) tend to hold the crown on the fattie's when it comes to famous women. At least in my opinion.

        But out here in the streets is where the real competition is at.

        1. I just saw a Peoples Magazine that declared Minka Kelly, of Derek Jeter fame, has the best backside in the game.Now obviously that means among white folks, but I wasnt impressed.However Jessica Biel had beem my BWGA (baddest

          White Girl Alive) every since Texas Chainsaw Massacre.Every time I doubt her she drops a nickel in the Garden to show she's still got it….see Chuck n Larry or A Team for details.

        1. If you look at the video for She-Wolf, you'll like Shakira more than Beyonce. Beyonce doesn't have a video sexier than that. That's just my opinion.

      1. This is blasphemy. Please don't speak about Beyonce like that around these parts. It says right in the Ten SBM Commandments:

        2. We believe in all things Beyonce, special thanks to DirecTV and Vizio, for making it possible to see her in 30 second snippets while also watching Sunday Night Football. Jehovah Jireh.

        1. Adonis, pretty soon you're going to get some experience under your belt and realize that 1) never trust a picture of a girl in jeans. Some jeans just don't make a chick look like she has a donk. 2) In this world of photography, you never know. 3) I'm pretty sure from the massive amounts of people who have seen her in concert and in several other pictures, Beyonce has the donk.

          I tell you right now, L.E.I. jeans are made to make your butt not look big, but Sergio Valente's are made to make it look big. So you have to be careful, those jeans may be squishing her booty for all dear life.

        2. "This is blasphemy. Please don’t speak about Beyonce like that around these parts. It says right in the Ten SBM Commandments:

          2. We believe in all things Beyonce,"

          *Dead and Gone*

          Bey is up there with Scientology. *smhlmao*

        3. Thank you Dr. J! Thou shalt never ever slander Queen Bey! LoL. Plus you're dead on about the jeans thing! I had a Sergio Valente jean skirt in high school that swindled the heck out of teenage boys everywhere. And I was tiny in high school, never made it past 112. But I swear that skirt was mathematically engineered to squeeze every last inch I had back there into a pretty little bubble. Pretty sure thats what initially caught the attention of my 2nd boyfriend. LoL! My Mudd jean skirt on the other hand, exact opposite effect. Smh.

  11. "although a man really appreciates this when she’s in her twenties, if she don’t do something to tighten that up, she’s going to end up with some weight issues in her late 30s to 40s"

    And blaming they 12 year old for they messed up figure

  12. ok… so I'm not ashamed to say that ass doesn't run on either side of my family and neither does breast… but somehow I've been cursed with triple letters. So i have a question to the fellas:

    How is it that bottom heavy sisters equate to "proportionate" and top heavy isn't? I've never understood that. That's like saying that 100 lbs of feathers is lighter than 100 pounds of bricks. Enlighten me please!

    1. Bottom heavy doesn't equal proportionate, hour-glass shaped women are considered proportionate.

      I think the bottom heavy is more appealing than top-heavy though

    2. I'm sure the veteran SBMs could say it better than I can…

      Most men are universally attracted to women who have a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7… That has nothing to do with breasts…

      I love big girl breasts… however breasts are best when the stomach is flat…

      Blogger women keep saying that big breasts get no love #IDontBelieveYou… Cause I <DEL> harass </DEL> approach big breasted women often…

      1. Tiggos get love e'eryday, but they're mentioned after the fact … They're like the Scottie Pippen of a woman's body … The azz is and always will be Jordan.

        1. @Top5DOA LMAO!!! Now THAT'S funny. Of course SOME men feel like that, but in the south they go by the Ricky Bobby Slogan: "If you're not first your LAST"… tits don't get honorable mention round here.

      2. That 0.7 hip-to-waist ratio sounds like the standard issue. So that may be true. But most heavy bottomed women will not have that ratio… Not if they also have fairly small waists.

        1. right. I always wondered what the deal was with 36-24-26 that I used to hear alot from men. The last number was always had me wondering.

        2. @Beef

          I think it's more like 36-24-36. The hour glass shape is where your bust and hips are around the same measurements give or take a few inches

    3. Most men are attracted to hips thighs ass so they justify the rest (buttafaces, big girls with donks, girls shaped like the letter "d" etc) personally im with adonis i'ma breast man (word to Col. Sanders)

    4. Proportioned is almost always code for 'she goes to the gym'. At least that's how I read it and how I mean it. Can't really work out the top like you can the bottom. I mean unless you're one of those sterile, creepy-looking, female body builders.

    5. @TokyoBrown: I honestly think this is a "black guy" thing. I have plenty of white homeboys who could really care less about what a girl is packing on the bottom half as long as the top half is nice. My black friends tend to be the exact opposite. Before everyone started looking like everyone – it was typical to expect if you dated a white woman she'd have big breasts and small butt and if you dated a black woman she'd have a big butt and small breasts. Then KFC started putting hormones in their chicken and the game got all messed up.

      Proportionate, by it's very definition, simply applies that things go relatively together. In practice, however, it usually means that a woman has one or more assets that you can appreciate. Be it breasts or @ss, if you like it, you love it. One man's phat is another man's flat…

      I will say this…regardless of a man's "preferences" you have to keep in mind that a lot of men will still bump uglies with a girl that isnt anywhere near his category of preference. It's sort of like saying "I want a Porsche" but if it's hot outside and he needs a ride, he'll still take the Pinto if that's the only option.

      1. Hmmm. You're right (duh!). It seems to me that more white men like to bury their faces in tits while black men like to bury their faces in a$$.

        1. Truth!!!

          They don't care whether the boobs are real or fake just as long as they look and feel good.

        2. I just want to let the record state that WIM isnt burying his face in any woman's @ss. I might bury some other things. I might even walk around with a handful of it cupped all the time like a child with a blanket….but I aint burying my face in it.

          Just sayin.

          Also, I'm not really a T or an A guy. Regardless of what you're working with, I like things to look nice. A mouthful of boob will do in some cases. Pause. A handful off @ss in others. Double Pause. Sometimes if you're stacked enough on one end, I can over look your short comings on the other end. WIM is an equal opportunity employer. Interested parties can apply within.

          NOW HIRING.

      2. "Then KFC started putting hormones in their chicken and the game got all messed up."

        Buried and gone… #icantwithyalltoday

      3. Lmao okay WIM, I've just seen too much p*rn I guess but I've actually heard guys say they want to do that though. Hold it like a blankie though? You killed me with that one!

    6. Breast (in terms of size) is OVERRATED!

      Overrated! Good breast are not built on size, they are built on n!pples color and direction, perkiness, and firmness in relation to the rest of the torso. Like Lala said its ALL about the curves with a woman's body. The curve has got to be right. When Tig old Bitties, you have a 70% chance that the n!pples are facing her feet. That doesn't even bounce right when you are watching them flap in the air while hitting it.

      1. "you have a 70% chance that the n!pples are facing her feet. That doesn’t even bounce right when you are watching them flap in the air while hitting it."

        *PushingUpTulips* CHeeKZ you are slaying me today with these comments.


      2. I don't know what you mean Cheekz, I would say that big breasts are overrated if they are ugly. But a perky pair of 34DDs have been known to bring men to Jesus. Put it to you like this, date a really skinny girl and watch what happened when she gets one in the oven. Breasts have never been overrated, you just have to find a nice pair.

        Personally, a full C cup is the best thing to me. It's got a nice bounce, but you won't get knocked out motorboating. Motorboating D cups or larger is definitely like speedboating, you make one wrong move and you can break your neck. Motorboating C cups is like whitewater rafting. It's enough thrill to scare you, but you'll just end up having a lot of fun and possible getting wet.

  13. Dr. J, this was too funny and the Booty diagram is even funnier.

    I wish I had thumbs to click today, LOL…some of your comments are trippin me out!

    I'll contact the BF and post his testimony later…cause, in my mind, it's a toss-up between two of them…

    I have a thing for butts on men as well…a nice muscle rump. Mmmhmm…


        I dated this guy once who had the WORSE @ss ever!!!! Sh*t looked like 2 deflated balloons. It made me realize that flat @sses in clothes look just as flat w/o them. I've never seen anything like it *shivers*

        1. "Sh*t looked like 2 deflated balloons."


          Yes, men, you to can have noasatall, lol…but, for as long as it isn't compared to a deflated balloon, you won't suffer much as a result. Most women won't consider this a deal-breaker. But, if you're running neck-and-neck with another dude in her mind as she considers who to give the majority of her attention to, it can work against you, lol…

          *imagines a nice muscle rump in boxer briefs and smiles*

          "There's a God…somewhere!" – Coming to America

        2. Guys with reaaally big butts are out of the question. No ma'am! Where I come from, we call that a "Cock boxie."

          Dies @ Nicholas Minaj!

        3. Nicholas Minaj that is what you are calling me now? Let me find out. How many ways can you hurt a man in one day?

          That is why I keep my back to the wall.

        4. LOL @CHeeKZ!

          That's only if that joint beeps when you walk backwards…

          You good, CHeeKZ…go 'head and swing that booty around for us…lol

    1. I don't even like people looking at my bu++ so I don't know why this would be an issue. Don't look at it, don't touch it, don't smell it… don't come near it.

      Seriously. Don't.

      I get very upset when people start making comments about my bu++, very upset.

      1. Must mean you have one, lol! There'd be nothing to comment on if you didn't!

        My bf was weirded out by the attention at first…still is a little. But, he doesn't go slapping my hands or telling me shift my eyes, lol.

        Plus, we're not talking about people…we're talking about your woman. If it's a turn-on for her, GIVE UP THE RUMP! LOL… We're not trying to invade it or nothing. We just wanna look at it…pop it as you walk by…dress it in designer boxers and boxer briefs…watch other women check it out…buy you flat-front slacks to wear EVERY DAY (a muscle rump in dress pants stay WINNING)…stand behind you in the shower…

        Don't be scurred, CHeeKZ… or should the ladies call you, Cheeks… *teasing*

      2. @CHeeKZ Money

        cosign. I've had women grab my @ss in public and when I was in school. I use to check my ex on always trying to touch and feel my @ss. NOT COOL!! The backside is off limits!!

        1. You too @Top5DOA?!

          I mean…what's the real beef here? For as long as it's not done in public, what's the big dang deal?????

          So sensitive…lol…

      3. What!? Mr. Cheekz Money, I just had to revoke my e-crush from you! If you like smacking our a$$, don't you think we'd like to smack your's? We ain't trying to go in it or anything (at all), just want to appreciate it and how good it fills out your khakis and slacks.

    1. Well based on your beef with the comments above, we'd like to see a pic of your's! Does it go with those nice lips in your pic?

      1. lmao I would like to personally thank you for making sure the ladies are taken care of. I nominate you as the official voice of the ladies of SBM. Thank you.

      2. Okay, i shall begin with showing you love back to your avi. Secondly, in response to your first sentence —–> Watchout. A male's equivalent to a woman's azz is like a chest or arms. Fleece Johnson would have every right to make moves on any man that's avi is his azz, No Greater Pause Life than that. Lastly, in response to your question … I lowkey feel e-molested … Lol … but appreciate the compliment.

      3. HA!

        If you'd feel more comfy, @Top5DOA, I could give you my email address so that I can check it out and report back for the ladies! LMBO! Sound familiar?????


        1. LOL!

          Whateva…you like this! Stop frontin…

          Chicks proppin up your lips and asking to see your butt! This is a GREAT Tuesday for you, LOL!

        2. Well not to toot my own horn, but compliments aren't anything new … Although recently this chick on Twitter randomly said i was the most attractive dark skinned guy in the city … And we're just cool … Prolly the nicest compliment I've received. Oh and every day is Great for me. I don't share your cynicism … Lol jk

        3. Imma remember you said this when your compadres around here start talking about how they (or men rather) don't get attention like chicks do, lol. I'll be expecting you to speak up like…"Well, I don't know bout y'all but uh…ehe…I've been toooold I'm the most attractive dark skinned guy in the city! The ladies show me love e'ryday!"

          LOL… *teasing*

  14. LOL….Dr. J you are hilarious with this one. I have to ask my husband to look at these and tell me which one I have.

    1. "This is that type of joint that’s tight, and doesn’t really have a lot of jiggle to it. If she jumps up and down it stops when she does."

      This is a great test here….Lol.

    1. I concur…fully aware that it's tougher for you to resist this based on visuals, lol. From what I hear, the guys that appear on Single Ladies are not "all that"…so I'm not missing a thing…

    2. I bet you the ratings go down significantly now that the lockout is over. Men started watching reality TV and Single Ladies to occupy themselves with something during the lockout. It was either that or watch politicians argue about the debt ceiling.

  15. Dr. J you are a straight fool…lmao….bout to make me spit my coffee on my keyboard with the pics and graphics….lol

    So what would Nikki Minaj be???? Somebody told me my butt was like hers….lol

    1. I was wondering about Nicki Minaj. I would think she has a Badonkadonk from the chart but from that I would then classify Lisa Raye's as a bubble-heart while Dr J considers it a badonkadonk.

      1. That badonkadonk has me confused. Is it just big ole Bubble? So where is the line drawn?

        Help a sister out with the some numbers, examples, or something.

      2. Hold up…can we all agree that FAKE booty's don't deserve an assessment??? It's not anything but FAKE, lol..

        Unless it's lopsided or something, lol…then we can assess the less-than bang-up job the surgeon performed, lol…

        1. But you got to evaluate what you mean by fake. Do you mean like fake as in implants or fake as in taking fat from another part of her body and putting it there? There's a difference worth talking about. Plus, I don't think most men mind a fake booty as long as it don't look super plastic.

        2. I mean fake as in "I got a receipt for it" fake, lol. Just seems to me that men would prefer or take pride in a woman who has a real donk, etc.

          And to compare a fake one to a real one is just unfair. Of course the surgically altered one is prob perfect…but the natural donk should win simply because it was god-given and properly maintained! Gotta reward the effort…

          I've never seen a naked fake one so I'll have to trust whatever you say regarding the implant look vs. the added fat look, lol…

  16. *checks self out in mirror*

    Hmmmm. Is there a diagram that shows them from the side? That would serve me better. Lol!

  17. While everyone is bragging about how awesome their booty is, I'm gonna pour out a little liquor for mine *moment of silence*. My children STOLE my ass…I swear I think that's where they were getting the majority of their nutrition from. Since I've started working out I've seen an improvement in shape, but I don't think it will ever look the same *le sigh*

    1. Lol @ the moment of silent and pouring out the liquor for your loss. Oh dear… I'm sure you'll get it back or get close to it with your work outs. Keep faith!

      1. OK the exercise you need to do is good mornings, it will strengthen the muscles under you over and under your butt to give it lift. oh and running. I am not really blessed in the butt area, but i noticed when i started running it gave me a little pop back there.

  18. This, my friend, is comedy, lol. Nothing like a nice scientific break-down of the rear to get you through a Tuesday. And for this, we thank you #Tosh.0

  19. Can I just say #DEAD from this mix?????? I always look forward to them too but THIS one today!

    That is all because there has been more than enough discussion about my arse to last me a lifetime

    1. haha yes the mix has me crackin up!! I def downloaded it before I read the article so I could use it as background music lol…..this whole thing is hilarious!

    2. "That is all because there has been more than enough discussion about my arse to last me a lifetime"

      In dire need of conclusive evidence.

  20. All Cottage Cheese Everything!!!!

    …lol But seriously, would anyone actually admit it if they did have cottage cheese?! I doubt it, lol. Based on this diagram I'd say I'm somewhere between petite and Amazon. That sounds crazy I know, but notice neither image really has much hips, and thats me all day. I have none smh. I'm far from flat, but if I had hips, it would definitely catapult me into the bubble category. *le sigh* Maybe after I have a few babies…

    1. If you are between petitie and Amazon then you are hot tamale.

      I agree with Most here though, women can't be throwing around the term Amazon.

      1. Whoaaaa Most! Chilll!!! LoLoLoL

        I threw in Amazon because of the lack of hips and muscle tone. Was that wrong? I can't even properly re-Ass-ess right now cuz I'm at work! *panics* I think I need help. I don't like this game anymore 🙁

      1. Not a word from you Streetz! Not one word! Smh.

        I guess I've been overruled by the Amazon committee though…sheesh! Who knew there were so many clASSifications…

  21. As a man that is a fan of the booty I'd like cosign this post. I'd also like to add one more.

    6. The wide @ss aka the @ss that feels better than it looks.

    This is the backside that has mass but it spread east to west. There is usually a slight curve to it. I dismissed these because I'm a bubble fan until I got to get close to one.

    I wonder if Dr. J did his research on azzmatrix.com?

    1. See the thing right there is that leggings and tights be getting a dude. A chick may not have a donk, but in the club with some leggings on, after a few adult beverages, you thinking that "this is my song for real, right now…" And you hitting the high notes too. I seen many chicks get gassed until Busta said, "just make it clap."

      Now that separates the girls from the women right there. If you can't make it clap then you can't claim to have a hot tamale, amazon, donkadonk, wide load, or any of the others. I need to see what's good with Stadium Saturdays already. I am slightly afraid to go there since the Purple People Eaters are in town. Shoutout to Tunde, Slim, RCLS, and all others involved. I don't want to see no men on stage with the women this weekend.

  22. Let me put this out there…….

    Standards are useless.

    Don't care what you think, there is no like/dislike button so you can't adonis me.

    I know all the 'good' men are too good to do a 'buttaface' but not me. Not me Sir.

    If people can take a girl with a pretty face and no curves and proudly say 'I would wife, or that is ideal to me' why can't a goon take a beautiful body and enjoy it for one night with the lights off? I am not suggesting wifey ugly chicks, but what is the shame in enjoying the good that someone has to offer and ignoring the bad via doggy position? I take bu++ to the heart. The way each one feels is so heavenly. No matter what you do to a nice woman's bu++, you will enjoy it. As long as she has bu++ she has value, chexually. And you can't say that about every pretty face.

      1. Streetz, you need more people.

        j/k!!! lol

        But CHeeKZ makes a good point tho. To quote the great rapper Nelly "It must be yo a$$, cuz it aint yo face"

        I'll take a buttaface with a butta a$$ for a night (or two)

      2. Dekala Malik thanks for keepint it real.

        Tunde, Streetz I can't get money with you I'm not against a pretty face. All I am saying is that a nice body and nothing else to other the world is enough to get by for the night. Just the night. And turning down a ten in the arse just b/c she is a seven in the face isn't a smart business move, Big Sean.

        1. I'm late but I'm going to add a +1 for Cheekz and Dekala. I co-sign and second the motions yall have put forth for ratification into the constutition of Man Law.


  23. @Kema..

    I see the new avi.. Okay. You Right, you are not working with a petite booboo I can see your junk from the sides 🙂 I can see you being a bubble.

  24. im like Jay in that I like proportioned women more than anything. I've been swinfled before by bootie in jeans. Not fun at all, but I'm more well versed now.

    Im also more impressed with the upkeep of a real phattie than the phattie itself. You could be cool now but longevity is more admirable.

    Also hips can fool a LOT of people! and sometimes, booties are big in concealed appearance and nasty au natural

  25. LMAO! This post is HILARIOUS! But seriously though, I'm on a 90-day weight challenge so I can have an a…like Lisa Raye in 20 years. It really is all about proportions.


      1. Personal– My sister and good friend are personal trainers. I have a customized new diet that allows me to eat some good foods that are the right portion-size, so it's becoming more so a change of lifestyle and not a temporary thing . I'm also working it out 🙂

        I blasted my challenge out on FB and Twitter and now I have some people doing it with me (like 4/5). Today is day 15. I keep logs on my website, and I have lost 5 lbs to date. 🙂

    1. Good luck Whittiest. I am just finishing a 8 week weight challenge contest with some Vice-Pres here at the office. Nice size pot, get to network with the bosses, plus lose weight. Triple win.

      Currently in first place with one day to go. Stay focus and remember, no meal is worth the pay day you get for coming in first place!

      You go girl.

      1. Thanks CheeKZ MONEY!

        I feel like I have to scream your name at the end. I'm 5 lbs down, 25 more to go 🙂 I think I'll have to buckle down on the intensity, but it shall happen!

        1. I know the feeling. I have one day to go and I am going to really push it on the treadmill today. Gotta try not to kill myself.

          Congradulations and when you are done I can be the first person to smash your new body

        2. Whitty,

          You can do side bends or sit-ups,

          But please don't lose that butt

          Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role

          And tell you that the butt ain't gold

          So they toss it and leave it

          And I pull up quick to retrieve it

          So Cosmo says you're fat

          Well I ain't down with that!

          'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'

          And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'…

          Now 90-day challenge that!

  26. LOL. I've discussed this topic w/ many a guy friend before. Not all phat azzes are the same. We've gotten into debates about Serena. 'Tis most definitely a sight to behold, but remember, this chick is an olympian athlete – trust that it is ALL muscle, which can be either a positive or negative depending on your taste. If you're into "cushion for the pushin' ", Serena booty may not be the best look for you. Free's bootay on the other hand….

    And I have no idea what kind of rump I have – I feel like you can only get an answer on that from a guy, and I can't imagine asking the summer booski these questions. Received no complaints though, so I figure I'm not a has-been or an anchor. Lol

      1. smh….i appreciate the offer but i think i'll pass. however, if the mythical NYC summer SBM event happens, maybe you can peep it for yourself lol…#hinthintSBMBBQ

    1. That's true Shamira, not all asses are the same. For example, I wouldn't talk to Serena, i'm actually more inclined to like Shakira. So each man is different.

  27. Ladies excuse the #Thirst from your male counterpart today … As a black man, topics concerning azz naturally bring about dry mouth. Mix that with an abundance of female posters and the thirst almost becomes unquenchable.

    *By the way, I missed Serena's azz at the Espy, but my guy sent me the pics the next day and I #DANGNEAR had Praise & Worship down my work isle*

      1. Yeah, Top, I tried the #Swindle a few weeks ago…doesn't work, so I just went on ahead and changed it up, lol! Dang Insanity workouts were waste 😉

  28. da fcuk… I get distracted at work one day and miss all of this???

    Cheekz, Tokyo, Streetz, Dr. J, Adonis*, MadScientist, send me those pix ya got from the SBM readership, I know someone is holding a side profile bubble shot!!!!!

    *Adonis, think twice before you hit send…

    1. Dekala, the #1 reason why men don't send pictures to women is because they share them with all their friends. Men never share pictures, we keep that to ourselves. This fosters a great environment of receiving pictures.

    1. Nicely built athletic woman >>>>> Phatty with a muffin top

      I'm actually partial to the athletic track type body on a woman … Smooth skin, built calves and muscular thighs *Heart drops* … Smh .. Perfect

      *SBM i see you disabling the pics … smh … Petition On Deck*

        1. They're back up … I thought our avi's were disabled cuz they were grey'd out for about 20 min. I thought it was due to the comments. Might've just been my computer … My baaaad for the SBM slander.

      1. She didn't say Muffin top, she said flat stomach. Which means flat with no love handles.

        I think its a crime against my p3n!s that I should be forced to chose but in a close one:

        Ideal Thick >> Athletic with the bumper

        1. She said fat stomach and generally when u have a fat stomach … a muffin top will be somewhere present … Unless they makin fat stomachs and holding the love handles nowadays.

        2. my mistake….. I must have been projecting.

          I stand correct. The gentlemen Top5 is correct. Clearly.

  29. Smh at myself trying to find pictures to properly assess my assets. Will have to give my guy friends a call and see what they tell me 😀

    What an entertaining read this has been- the comments got me dyin. I have to add my hat to the ring and say that I too enjoy a nice set of muscular cheeks on a man. TOO much booty on a man looks fruity in my opinion and I can't go for that. Nooooooo ma'am.

    1. "I have to add my hat to the ring and say that I too enjoy a nice set of muscular cheeks on a man."'

      Welcome to the club, my Sista! LOL…

  30. Dr. J,

    When is the next SBM mixer/meet-up/shin-dig so that alot of this curiosity can be put to rest? May I suggest NYC?

  31. Yeah, so I emailed the diagram to the BF and called him for the results…

    The BF has declared it a Hot Tamale without hesitation…AND he laughed at my assessment of myself and also declared, "I'd know better than you would…"


      1. Don't be like that, lol…

        He also reviewed that joint like it was some official document or something, lol.

        "Yes, the anchor, the donk…yes, I've seen alot of these."

        "This means you approve of the diagram?"

        "Yes, I can confirm that this is pretty accurate."


        1. The official document…lol. That is so true. My hubbie even called his staff around to talk about the document. I saw so many head nods and it was amazing to see the men actually have a long drawn out discussion about that one page. It was too funny.

          He says I am a bumper or Amazon. For the next hour, we had to classify women walking around while out shopping.

      1. You also didn't see a complete side shot…or a back shot for that matter. And, if you knew my BF, you'd know he'd give that one to me straight…

        But, go on, Dr. J…I'm not sensitive. Based on the partial side shots you saw, what would you say???

        1. Inconclusive evidence … Based upon the aforementioned statment ("didn't see a complete side shot … or a back shot") there'sisn't a sufficient amount of evidence to support such substantiated claims. Therefore, any opinion based upon the evidence received will be deemed incomplete and unjustified. *Slams Gavel* Case Closed.


  32. I'm a little late to the game, but this post, and the comments, are hilarious. For me, I think I have a nice ass. An ass like 3Stacks describes on the God Interlude. "Something well proportioned to her body. You know, a nice little tail." Now, if you really wanna talk about ass, then lets talk NFL, baby!!! God, how I love a nice, strong ass, with nice thighs. Praise little 6 month old brown baby Jesus for football, and football players.

  33. My butt has been called numerous things


    a poot box (don't ask b/c I myself am not even sure what this person means by this)

    a plum

    an overly used yet still good couch cushion

    I say that my butt is big enough (or should I say small enough) for a certain someone to cuff a cheek in each hand. He says my butt is small but my cheeks sit comfortably in his hands

    I don't think I own any jeans that make my butt deceive people. what you see in the jeans will be exactly what you'll see out of them (if you get the chance)

    I like my small butt though b/c my boobs make up for it.

  34. Dr J : I can't lie to you or myself, I don't know where my butt fits at, I think it't the best part of my body but I can't pinpoint it

    Also can you slimuel or 17 do a post about people telling their personal business like it's cute? I'm tired of knowing who got an STD and what not…

  35. Okay, I saw this post and I couldn't help commenting. See I like booty, i like big booty. I mean who doesn't? The problem is the type of ass I like is not to big, but not too small either. I'm talking goldilocks zone ass, lol. If it's too small you got nothing, if its too big, you can barely keep your hands on it. Generally I like a girl who can shake it, when she can.

    Love this site, peace!

    1. You don't have to, just understand that we like them. lol We probably don't understand certain things you women like, we just learn to roll with it. So, just roll with it. lol

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