Home Featured Misandry: Will Women Ever Admit They Hate Men?

Misandry: Will Women Ever Admit They Hate Men?

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This is exactly what i'm talking about.

There’s a word that floats around the internet to describe sites like SingleBlackMale, VerySmartBros, This Is Your Conscience and Until I Get Married; we don’t have to say that word here. We all know it, and each of us would be lying to say, “I have no clue what you’re talking about.” I’m not Sallie Mae, you don’t have to act like you have no clue why I’m calling. Let’s talk facts, most blogs on the internet are written by women. That’s because most of the readership on the Internet is women. Most demographics of any of the sex & relationship blog sites will show that about 70% of its readers are women. This is pretty much an industry standard, not just SBM or NWSO, that’s across the board. There are a few reasons for that too. Face the facts, women are marginalized in society and no one really cares what they have to say in public. As far as we’ve come as a society most people still believe that women should be seen, not heard. Women flee to blogs — their personal soundboard for their thoughts without being interrupted by some man. The next question is, “Well if that’s the case, then how come nobody is reading them?” That’s simple, no one cares. Why? Women are more concerned with men than other women, and topics drive traffic. What I mean by “topics drive traffic,” is sex sells, but if it’s a man selling sex it’s “natural” if it’s a woman selling sex, “oh she a hoe.” But even hoes get more attention than your regular female blogger.

So how do some popular female bloggers who aren’t interested in talking about sex keep large readerships entertained? If you asked me, it seems as though they are constantly bringing men down, also known as blanketed hate for men, or Misandry. And let me qualify that statement by saying, they bring all men down. It’s never, “Ten Ways to Identify A Successful Man,” it’s always, “Ten Signs That Men Will Never Get.” Personally, I can let a post about a certain type of man rock out because I know that man has nothing in common with me, and it’s not condemning all men, which means there’s still love for men, just not that man. I am sure that most of my male counterparts are always very careful to make sure that they get across to their readers that they are talking about a certain type of female, and not bashing all women. I’ll be honest with you, there’s a reason I know this to be a fact; because every man knows that you cannot simply go around bashing women and get away with it. I’ve titled it, the Domestic Violence Effect, men can never attack women, but when a woman does it, the man should grow thicker skin and never, under any circumstances, respond to an attack with a counterattack. But, knowing how much it hurts when you read an article that seems like it bashes women like you, it baffles me when I read an article written by a woman that resembles what a wild bronco would look like in a small bar filled with men.

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So with all that said, I’ve picked out a few signs of Misandry that stand out to me:

1) If you’ve made a conscious decision to stop dating Black men, or men altogether for that reason, continuing to critique and bash them is asinine.

I follow a few female writers on Twitter. I have read their articles and some times I’ve enjoyed them. At one point, I started to realize all their articles were either bashing men or blindly defending women in the face of malfeasance. As I continued to follow these female writers, I noticed one day that one of them is a lesbian, and then the other, and then the other, and so on and so forth. I found an alarming amount of women who spend most of their time on the internet bashing men were lesbians, “bisexual”, or single and not looking. I wanted to comment on one of their posts once and say, “If you’ve decided that you never want to date another Black man again in your life, why do you insist on bashing them every chance you get?” I can’t respect a woman who isn’t even interested in dating a Black man continuing to complain for no reason except to stand on a soapbox and be heard.

2) In fact, the truest form of Misandry in women is the blind defense of women in the face of malfeasance.

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If I was able to go back and read some of the comments from posts I’ve read around the internet that described a certain type of ratchet or foolish woman, you’d be sure that you can count on a few female readers who always have a counter theory. Just last week, we’re talking about a girl who was talking to a guy and then that guy moved on and she got pregnant by a dude with a girl. Women defended her like it was Whitney Houston after she called Bobby Brown the King of R&B. I even read a comment that said, “This is all his fault he should have made up his mind.” I’m sorry, but how is his indecisiveness and her bad decision to have unprotected sex related? I think we all need to get this through our heads, “No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do.” But that didn’t stop many women from coming up with twisted theories on how this is actually his fault. But this ain’t new.

A chick is a hoe. It’s her daddy fault.
A chick is a cheater. It’s her boyfriend/husband fault.
A chick is a liar. It’s because men can’t handle the truth, they’re too sensitive.
A chick gets laid off. It’s because of the good old boys club.
A chick gets in a car accident. It’s because the roads were designed by men.

3) In order to skirt the issue away from their Misandry, women will often attempt to use words like, “male privilege” and “ignorance.”

Have you ever heard a woman insult a man and then try and say she’s not hating or attacking him, just pointing out “male privilege?” If I say, “Possibly the only reason why she even got that job was because she was a woman and they needed to meet a quota,” — I’m that word we agreed not to say today. But if she says, “The only reason why you kept your job and I lost mine is because of male privilege,” — she’s got a point. By the same token, “I typically only date men who are 6 feet and above” is a preference. “I typically only date light skin women” is ignorance. It’s a double standard, but we’re saying the same thing. I think Malcolm said it best, “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” It’s not fair to hide behind key phrases and hot terms. It’s not cool for me to say, “You don’t get it because you’re a chick” and if that’s the case then it’s not fair when the shoe is on the other foot. If you’re going to bash a man, don’t hide behind the excuse that you’re merely pointing out “male privilege” or “ignorance,” own up to it.

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Misandry is the hatred or dislike of men. Many women don’t think they qualify, mainly because they love men and desire to be with them. I have always said, “in order to hate someone, you have to love them.” Therefore, just because you love men doesn’t excuse you from being able to hate them. In fact, when a woman argues that she could never hate men, that in fact, she’s the exact opposite that she loves men so much, tell her; “The opposite of hate is indifference.” If she didn’t hate them then she’d be indifferent, but her passion and the fact that she cares makes it likely that she will love and hate men at some point during her life, depending on the circumstances. The only thing women have to learn to do is to admit it. Admitting that they too themselves are guilty of the very thing they accuse men of everyday is the first step in finding common ground.

– Dr. J already thinks, “somebody lying like ish…”

Comment(311)

  1. Pretty much hit the nail on the head. I thought about this a few weeks ago and you summed it up dang near perfectly. Females love to boost each other's heads up and not enough reality checking.

    In closing I'd just like to say, women are big doodie heads.

    1. I agree with you 98.5% That last line made me give you the sideeye Mister lol (but on the sly I do believe that's true about quite a few of them.)

  2. "A chick gets in a car accident. It’s because the roads were designed by men."

    Well, for now, all I have to say is I'm going to pray for you tonight, sir. See you in the morning….assuming you make it.

  3. *while It's a Man's Man's Man's World by James Brown fades in the background*

    Lol only thing I'll admit to is that this post was completely hilarious. I won't say I love or hate men. But I can agree on most of what you've said and/or experience. It's possible that you might get chewed up today. Lol Fair warning?

    P.S. You forgot MENopause. And MENstrual cycle. LOL

  4. i predict 6 charges of misogyny, and 2 angry blog posts in retaliation..

    because you hit it out the park on this one. i've seen it way too many times, and it really can't be address without someone turning into a victim.

  5. I agreeeeeeeeee 100% lol. I think there are so many bitter females out there and females that are just angry just to be angry. Don't even get me started on the 92% of females that live in a bubble where they just lie to themselves about reality lol. But I'm with you.

    But then again…when it came to debating…you should know better than to debate with an angry females. Like they say….we're cursed with the burden of making sense lol

    1. “I think there are so many bitter females out there and females that are just angry just to be angry.”

      Bad, bad, bad energy mister. Maybe you’d attract/encounter women who aren’t angry if you changed your energy/opinions:) Same principle behind why women who complain about the shortage of good men have a hard time finding any.

      1. Actually, none of my girlfriends or women I were with were angry or the like. My female friends aren't angry or bitter and nor are the people I associate myself with. So I'm good. Doesn't mean its not true though. There are bitter men out there, but who do you hear complain more? Females lol

  6. Dr. J

    They’re going to eat YOU ALIVE IN THE MORNING but it’s all good. Lol Great post while I don’t hate men (Not old enough to have dealt with enough men to completely hate them) men do make me very angry and stir up quite a bit a fury at times, I can admit to that.

    “No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do

    100% agree with this comment especially when I hear chicks try to defend their actions with, Well Men do it all the time". It's like we talk about how men aint SH8t then go and do those same stupid actions we hate and try to justify them simply with… Well men do it too.

    1. Okay, I'm going to have to disagree with this premise even though I agree with point #1. The reason there is a feeling of misandry coming out of women is that because the vast majority of blogs with male writers rarely ever take men to task. The few occasions that they do is when they do something extreme like beat up a pregnant woman or throw their children through a window. Outside of that, there is very little critique about the faults of men that aren't laden in excuses.

      There will likely be 10-15 topics every month however about something that's wrong about women, how it's their fault and why they need to change. To use the same reference as you did, a lot of men where coddling and making excuses for the dude who wrote the letter. Hell, most of the guys here went the extra mile and try to make the entire situation the woman's fault even though it was painfully obvious the guy is a narcissist who didn't want to be in a relationship the when it was simple.

      I don't think most of the women would be bothered by the constant subtle and not so subtle commentary on them if the guys were willing to actually put some blame on us every once and a while, at the very least.

      1. @Malik & any woman reading

        So, are women are upset that men are committing these bad behaviors…

        Or men not being called out on committing these bad behaviors…

        And so this is not a long drawn out thread…

        My belief is, is that these bad behaviors is what attracting these women in the first place…

      2. I feel you on that but at the same time men aren’t asking or Yelling in the street " Where are all the good women at", not saying they aren’t having just as hard of a time finding a good spouse as women are they just keep their misfortunes to themselves and don’t make the world feel like they owe them b/c its hard out there to find a quality man/women.

        I think men don’t mind playing the bad guy its part of their character building. Men take the blame but instead of pointing the finger back at the opposite sex they just charge it to the game. While I don’t like how women are always being critiqued about what were not doing right, at times I understand why the pressure is being put on us vs. the men. Women are the gate keepers of the relationship we decide what men we let in and out of our lives we decide who will get some and who wont and lately as women we have forgotten that. As much as we say were independent and men don’t control us the minute a man walks into our lives and leaves us heart broken or hurt were ready to act a fool, start doing things that we wouldn’t do all b/c one guy didn’t act right.

        As far as last week’s letter. I agree with you 100% people were too caught up on what the girl did instead for looking at the real problem (The dude).

        1. "I feel you on that but at the same time men aren’t asking or Yelling in the street ” Where are all the good women at”, not saying they aren’t having just as hard of a time finding a good spouse as women are they just keep their misfortunes to themselves and don’t make the world feel like they owe them b/c its hard out there to find a quality man/women."

          I don't agree with this.

          I don't know how many times I've heard guy talk about how wack women are these, how its so hard to find a "good" girl, women are gold diggers, you can't trust women…blah, blah blah.

          Maybe yall don't talk about it like that to eachother… but I hear it all the time.

          The funny thing is… yall talk about how women couldn't see a good man even if they were right in front of their face. Well… I think its the same way with some men.

          Just like women complain about not being able to find a good guy to the good guy…you guys complain about how you can't find a "good girl" TO the "good girl"…lol.

      3. "To use the same reference as you did, a lot of men where coddling and making excuses for the dude who wrote the letter. Hell, most of the guys here went the extra mile and try to make the entire situation the woman’s fault even though it was painfully obvious the guy is a narcissist who didn’t want to be in a relationship the when it was simple.

        I don’t think most of the women would be bothered by the constant subtle and not so subtle commentary on them if the guys were willing to actually put some blame on us every once and a while, at the very least."

        Cosign 100%

        Why is there a constant need to point fingers???? Men have issues… women have issues…we both do wrong. We both need to take a good long look in the mirror.

        Yeah… sometimes we women do some really stupid ish… but sometimes, you men are a**holes. We both need to get it together. Arguing over who is worse does nothing to help…

        1. When I say running n the streets I’m talking about whom on public level. The last set of relationship books have been marketed to females, Shows like "Single Ladies" that special on NBC with the Black women who said their having a hard time finding a decent black man. I feel like we put our relationship insecurities in the lime light so people/bloggers , writers take them and constantly reminds of them, some do it for the good others just do it cause its easy.

        2. I feel you… but maybe that has more to do with the fact that men generally aren't as willing talk about their feelings on a public level in the same way that women do.

          Doesn't mean you guys don't feel the same way or that in smaller circles, we women don't constantly hear the same thing from a mans point of view.

      4. Malik,

        I just don't think that the sites that I named fall into that category. I mean, actually I would challenge you to find the site that spends the majority of its time talking about crap that women do, and never take men to task. I think that many of our blogs do a great job of spreading that around. Here's a secret that many people don't really see, male bloggers get tired of talking about women. Think about our offline conversations; we like talking about sports and sex too. Note, sex and relationships are completely different subject, as well as spending time debating "Who look better?" with popular female celebrities.

  7. Sigh, today is shoot a Negro day… And I am staying indoors…

    Women feel like they have gotten a raw deal biologically…

    – They are weaker, they bleed every month, and in for adequate protection THEY NEED MEN!…

    – Then of course, add the fact that they are black & average or below average ON the looks scale… (They can't compete for a commitment from the top 20% of men)

    <DEL> (BTW, the biggest female supremists aka feminism, are the fuglies & masculine women, you don't see Rosa Acosta talking about women's empowerment) </DEL>

    – Add to the fact that their peak years are only 15 – 30 (no sympathy for those who entertain irresponsible men in those peak years)

    They have this idea that most men live a better life, because they are men… (False BTW)

    And then of course, they get their heart broken in by a dude who she had no business being with in the first place… And now every man has to pay for that…

    Oh, and now that women are pushing equality <DEL> but special treatment because I am a woman </DEL> down our throats, they losing even more…

    They can't really use sex as a bargaining chip anymore…

    So, my solution is re-institute sl•t/fattie shaming… And Gender roles need to come back…

    Until women rectify themselves, get you a foreign broad fresh off the boat, and don't get married…

    And settling is not a bad word, ask  Lori Gottlieb

    Super Saiyan To The End

    P.S. It is not the women in my past that bother me, we cool, it is the women in the present who I have to pick from who come from the same country & ethnicity as I do.

    1. Let me go on the record as stating that I am definitely against male bashing, I firmly believe individuals should be judged as individuals. HOWEVER if there was ever a living, breathing, typing example of why male bashing still occurs, look no further than Adonis. You sir hate women with a wrath that no feminist lesbian blogger could ever hope to rival.

      *sidebar in re-reading the post I'm actually convinced that it is you that wrote it after hacking Dr. J's account!

      1. "*sidebar in re-reading the post I’m actually convinced that it is you that wrote it after hacking Dr. J’s account!"

        Nah… Too coherent! Adonis has an… ummm… unique writing style. lol!

      2. Miss Mina, I don't even know why you would think that I was moonlighting as Adonis. I don't even know how to feel about that going forward.

        *takes a picture* Let me tuck this away for a reminder later.

    2. Adonis, you know absolutely nothing about women. You write a comment like this and it seems like you're cosigning Dr. J when in reality, what you've written is way more ignorant and way less informed then the point Dr. J is trying to make. But because you've cosigned him with this idiotic diatribe, it makes it seem like he probably agrees with you, which makes us all look stupid.

      1. @Most

        I don't live in your reality, and I will not try to… Your reality doesn't invalidate what I am seeing, feeling, experiencing (and reading & comparing notes) when I encounter the opposite s*x…

        Enjoy your morning

        I stand by my comments as always…

      2. "But because you’ve cosigned him with this idiotic diatribe, it makes it seem like he probably agrees with you, which makes us all look stupid."

        *snickering*

        1. Hah Hah! Maybe Adonis is really a "fugl(y) & masculine woman" that has the task of making men look bad… Real bad. Michael Jackson

      3. Most, I can't co-sign. Adonis says alot of outlandish wild comments, but there are some semblance of truth once you get past the incredibly thick layer of bullshit. He's young and comes from a different set of experiences but even I have to sometimes give him a slight nod.

        Now I'm going to go sharpen my sword to commit ritualistic suicide.

        1. !!!!!!!!!!!

          With Adonis there's about a 2 to 1 ratio of acceptable/valid points to Horrible points and generally his posts consist of about 6-8 points, so the averaging is a bit skewed within each post from one side to the other and his last point can make or break his post. When i'm reading Adonis's ish my head makes a diagonal head movement, but i think it's important to still read all of it rather than automatically throw his whole post away because of any ridiculousness found early on … You might find a gem a few points later.

        2. @Dekela

          It's very easy to use a truth to prove a lie. That's what Adonis does. He uses a couple of true statements to push forward an outlandish, unrealistic and hate-filled agenda. For example, you use the fact that women bleed every month to prove that they're weaker. It's a true statement, women lose blood every month and that is, in many ways a life hindrance that slows them down and in effect weakens them. But they bleed every month because it's a part of a cycle that creates children. They carry inside them another human being for 9 months then push babies out of a whole that's way too small. Now… does the weakness we see from the menstruation cycle mean they're weak, or does the fact that they birth children prove they're strong?

          That's my point. All of Adonis' statements are shortsighted and narrow in this way.

          @Adonis – firstly, you don't know me, we're not friends. If you use my government again, you won't be able to post on this site anymore. I've warned you about this in the past. Do it again and your name and ip will be blocked.

          That aside. Your experiences are dictated by your attitude. Women do respond to what you say, but instead who you are. They have a sixth sense about all these things. So as much as you try to be this guy that hates women, because you think being a naive is something women will find attractive, they all see through you and that's why you'll never have the success you desire. You just want to be loved. You need a hug fam.

        3. Most,

          Your comment doesn't change the fact that what he stated "women are weaker" is any false. You rebuttal with women giving birth has nothing to do his statement, and is in fact, a tatic used to change the subject at hand to prove your point.

          He isn't lying in his statement, just outlandish in approach, and it's an approach with proper guidance can become very potent. He isn't preaching hate here, just calling out information and giving an opinion (doesn't mean I agree even 35%). He's bashed alot because he could care less about feelings and that's noble. HELL it even sparks discussion and debates on this site and generate traffic, and I know for a fact there are male readers (not regular commentors) on this site who agree with him more than disagree.

          Considering I know of a special family that started from daring to be different and thinking outside the norm and branching out, regardless of what some people felt. I give him props when props is due.

          Time to wipe this vomit off my keyboard.

        4. DeKaLa, you can make a decent-good argument that women are weaker than men. However, using the fact that women menstruate to demonstrate that they're the weaker in certain aspects is asinine. Saying they're weaker because they need men to protect them is equally stupid considering the majority of us aren't exactly roaming the woods with bears attacking folks. The thing that poses the most threat to women, physically speaking, are other men.

          Women are weaker than men because it's an evolutionary imperative for the species to continue. That's how female mammals are generally built, to carry the offspring. And they couldn't give birth if they were built by men.

        5. @Most

          You are being sensitive… You put your name out there homey… Use any excuse to need to block me… You are not that far removed from Max IMO, BTW… So, color me not surprised

          I pointed out the bleeding & the women weaker (I meant to communicate physical strength) argument, because WOMEN bring it up when they talk about how unfair life is… Not me… Sorry I mis-communicated that point…

          I think part of it comes from women not maximizing their gender capacities, and their poor choices in men… (of course they are not being raised & guided properly…)

          When I hear women speak on men, it always is personal/anecdotal rarely any logical perspective… (The almighty rationalization hamster at work) Women really don't put in the work when it comes to understanding & relating to men… And you can see it in their frustration when they speak on men…

          When I speak on (American &/or Black) women, I come from every angle possible… Anecdotal, historical, evolutionary psychological, cross-referencing other men's experiences… Other WOMEN's experiences… I rarely come from only a personal/social circle perspective…

          That aside. Your experiences are dictated by your attitude. Women do respond to what you say, but instead who you are. They have a sixth sense about all these things. So as much as you try to be this guy that hates women, because you think being a naive is something women will find attractive, they all see through you and that’s why you’ll never have the success you desire. You just want to be loved. You need a hug fam.

          Let me help you out with the diagnosis so you can give me better advice…

          I don't hate women… I compliment women too much on this site for that theory to hold up… I am annoyed by how women choose mates at their/society's detriment, and in order for me to be chosen, I have to be more persuasive, rather than be upfront & honest… (Character need not apply…) I don't like the fact that mostly every woman that has passed me up, their "sixth sense" has led them to be a single mother, or just with a guy that doesn't treat them very well… (At least if you think you can do better, least get a ring, or put you & your child in a good situation… Give me something to root for…) (Closure would help too… But I can deal) Almost over it… But not there yet…

          I don't like the whole "be with a dominant man at all costs" strategy that a majority women go for… This is what a majority of women are going for… (And that strategy conveniently changes when your looks start to fade & need a role model to raise your children…)

          That is why patriarchal men have restricted female s.exuality, continue to do so, because they don't want to look like what Black America looks like right now… (although I do not agree with some of their means/methods of controlling women…)

          Black Americans for the most part are racing to become a permanent underclass (yeah, other factors have contributed, but female hypergamy/s.exuality has accelerated our decline)…

          I don't like the fact being a black nerd, puts me at a severe mating disadvantage with most black women… This is inarguable… (except if they need me for my resources)

          Not that I can't make attitude adjustments, but when I make those attitude adjustments, it makes no sense to commit to any particular women (even if I give her babies), because it's not like she was checking for me when I was just me & chilling & willing to commit to something special…

          The only thing that changed is that I have swag/masculine & money, and lethal s*x game… Not my core being…

          Either way, I am good, but I know what time it is… And I will not allow people like yourself to sway me without coming up with better arguments…

          The writing is on the wall…

          Super Saiyan To The End…

        6. @Most @Dekela @Malik

          I just wanted to re-iterate that some women feel salty about needing men for protection…

          And sometimes that means protection from other men!

        7. " Most, I can’t co-sign. Adonis says alot of outlandish wild comments, but there are some semblance of truth once you get past the incredibly thick layer of bullshit. He’s young and comes from a different set of experiences but even I have to sometimes give him a slight nod."

          Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I can't fully co-sign everything he says. He does go a lil too hard in the paint, and never acknowledges the ways in which we men f*ck up, but he does have a lot of truth in his seemingly frustrated rants. Women do need to start peeping the forest more often, and get their heads out of the trees. Reality is a tough pill to swallow. It just so happens that men have to swallow it at an earlier age so we're not living in the twilight zone in our late 20s and early 30s like (many) women are. Adonis could definitely do more complimenting of the ladies, because at the end of the day there are quite a few sisters that have their ish together and have a realistic and logical perspective on life, but being honest a lot of them need to hear what he's saying. He could perhaps be a lil more eloquent and less harsh with his words, but his ideas are pretty sound for the most part (definitely not perfect though. He omits some important things that he should concede).

        8. Fellas,

          We got to be careful here… this is something I see all the time whenever something hits the fan with caddy women. They come on the same side and end up arguing over semantics. You can single out whatever you want to single out about a man's argument to agree or disagree, but let's not seem like we not all on the same team when we are.

    3. Adonis you are a hysterical hot mess! I was nodding my head in agreement for some of what you said with the exception of a few outright inflammatory statements…and I believe you're contrary, but (really)a reasonable man, so I know you know what they are without me pointing them out!

      I won't be around to see it…but I'm looking forward to the day FOR YOU when your Miss Adonis comes into your life and showers you with unfaltering love, that fosters trust and allows you to feel safe so that you will barely be able to remember life and all of its disappointments before her. I wish that for you…and no I'm not saying any of this from a "pity" standpoint…I don't pity you…I genuinely wish you love.

      Hugs to you Adonis

      1. @Seven

        Thanks babe… I think when it is all said & done tho… I am going to have to save myself… I have been looking for serious relationship on & off since 13 – 21…

        A lot of it is my fault, some of it is the post-feminist era, & some of it is that I wasn't raised correctly

        No matter what, it is my job to get it together… Not my many soul mates running around out there…

        1. Seems far off in your mind right now..but she's out there. Just promise yourself you'll recognize her when she does show up. 🙂

          But you're right…and I really like that you said it… "No matter what, it is my job to get it together". ^5 to you Adonis.

    4. I definitely hear what you all are saying, but knowing Most, he's really good at being rational and objective. *hugs Most* I know exactly where he's coming from. Adonis, you put a LOT of negativity out there in these E-blog streets. A LOT. And its all generally directed at women. Do you not see how even those who are agreeing with you have to reference their disdain for being able to see your viewpoint? "Ice-skates in Hell! ROTFL! Dude! The only reason your comments are even being SEEN lately is because our beloved thumbs up/thumbs down option is MIA. Do you make good points? Sure, one or two. But they become lost in a whirlwind of exaggerated sexism, misogyny, and downright BULLSH***! "Men can cheat cuz they're men. Women can't cuz they're women. Accept it and be grateful." *blank stare.* And you contradict yourself regularly. It's like Sarah Palin. There are a few logical platforms in there, but they are swallowed by the ridiculousness surrounding her and her reality series and what not.

      You want us women to be accountable for our choices, you gotta do the same. You're young and you need attention, we get it. But when you go out of your way to be offensive, expect some people to take offense…

      I don't know you in real life, but based on what you yourself put out there (you're feminine, girls don't like you, you're not popular etc) I A) think you really are in need of that hug from Seven, cuz the girls who turned you down really hurt your feelings and made you bitter, B) hopefully with maturity and actual life experience with women you'll change your viewpoints.

      Not tryna bash you, cuz I'm usually such a nice person! I just feel that your words, based on your past hurt make you pretty much exactly like the male bashers of which Dr. J speaks. #theirony. I say this to say, there are amazing women out there that your views would send running for the hills! LIGHTEN UP! You might stumble upon some happiness.

      1. @MissMina

        Oh, you want me to say things nicely, naw… When I see a trend in the BC where nice guys are the alpha men, and they are being rewarded for being nice & cordial… I'll be more cordial…

        Max, SmartFoxGirl, & Kriola are probably the only people I have ethered because of the contradicted bullshiggity they have posted on these eStreets… I will not allow women to get away with ANYTHING remotely hypocritical… That is a volunteer service I do for men who are on the fence….

        "Men can cheat cuz they're men. Women can't cuz they're women. Accept it and be grateful." *blank stare.*

        Women are not chasing men who are their equals, they are shooting for the stars & expecting men who are out of their league to be faithful… I can't say it no better than the almighty "Assanova"

        "I've dated a lot of women, I have a lot of female friends, and the one conclusion that I can come to? Younger women are not ready for relationships. Why? Because younger women greatly overestimate their value. I've witnessed this with some of the girls I've dated that were actually expecting me to stick around, and I've noticed it with my female friends and the guys that they go after.

        Almost every younger girl that I know of expects a guy that is out of her league to actually commit to her. It's almost as if these women are incapable of taking an honest look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, there are some very hot women that deserve commitment from the guys that they're with. However, most of these average-looking girls think that they deserve the exact same guy, and then act all surprised when he turns out to be a player or treats her like trash.

        I'll tell you straight-up, nothing you say to these younger girls is going to change their mind. I've been out with female friends who will see guys playing them right in front of their face, and they somehow manage to rationalize it. Why? Because they all think they deserve the same guy that a girl who is a legit nine or ten deserves. None of these girls will ever be happy with a guy that is their equal. Ignorance really is bliss for average-looking women."

        Men have the option to cheat, because women create the scenarios… I have beat this to death… But if you want a dude to stay faithful, stay in your lane… #ThatsAll

        Ice-skates in Hell! ROTFL! Dude! The only reason your comments are even being SEEN lately is because our beloved thumbs up/thumbs down option is MIA.

        Mina, sweetheart, I want my comments to be flagged, it says more about the guilty parties flagging me, then it is about me… And it is a clear indication that people are reading my comments! LOL… I love it…

        And you contradict yourself regularly.

        Let's talk about it…

        All of my comments are here at SBM, Max-Logic & other platforms… I literally have a body of work… If I am being hypocritical & contradictory…

        Put up my bowling pins, & Knock 'em down… I have given life too much thought to be contradicted… Misunderstood…? Absolutely…

        I don’t know you in real life, but based on what you yourself put out there (you’re feminine, girls don’t like you, you’re not popular etc)

        Pretty accurate, and these experiences are good thing… A true blessing in disguise… Stay tuned…

        cuz the girls who turned you down really hurt your feelings and made you bitter

        Any human with a penis has to deal with heartbreak & rejection… anyway to take attention away from the truth & the obvious…

  8. I'm sorry but I BOL at…

    "Women defended her like it was Whitney Houston after she called Bobby Brown the King of R&B."

    …too funny.

    Most of the women who bash men have been hurt and have yet to deal with it. I don't think it's right and at times it can be annoying but until they allow their wound(s) to heal, the bashing will continue. It's pretty sad actually.

    1. Telly:

      But that's so crazy to me when women who have been hurt do that. The reason why it is so alarming is because women know that the reason why they are so likely to bash is becuase they've been hurt. That's why I said a few days ago a woman will use being cheated on like a gunshot wound. They will keep talking about it until the day they die to validate their ignorance because "they're real."

  9. Since you recently accused me of being a misogynist, I'm gonna go ahead and take that as official confirmation that I am not a misandrist despite the fact that I have a tendency to go in on men on my blog.

  10. *gives Dr. J tight hug* #Whohurtyou? LoL

    *sigh* So many thoughts running through my head right now, I'll return later once I further gather my thoughts. I will say that I don't think the answer to the problem of rampant male bashing (and I do agree it happens entirely too much and at times can be irrational) is to counter it with rampant female-bashing (althought that does appear to be the wave in 2011…)

    I love this site because intelligent debate, thoughtful commentary, and (usually) respectful insight into (mis)communication between genders is what helps us all grow. Thats what ultimately leads more understanding of the Venus vs Mars dynamic and a decline in male bashing, because the fact of the matter is generalized bashing of either sex just doesnt solve anything.

    Not looking forward to the gender wars that are sure to follow. You must not want any of us to get any this week huh…?

    1. Mina,

      I agree with this, you can just keep fighting back and forward with bashing. I think that it comes down to someone who is willing to have meaningful conversations. That's something i'm never opposed to. However, what I will say is these conversations can lead to bigger problems… especially when alcohol is involved. I still have them though because I enjoy talking about this in an intellectual format. It's the only way we can get anywhere. The internet affords us the ability to never be faced with an organized debate or someone who demands that we really explain ourselves. In person, that's taken out the equation.

      1. Wonderful! Now if only commonalities in viewpoint could be reached so quickly/amicably between women and men on a daily basis, we would all be happier with each other! Welp, one step at a time. Kudos to you for dragging the red elephant that is male bashing/general hypocrisy into the spotlight and putting it on FULL BLAST!

  11. Men are toughened up and given regular reality checks and constructive criticism from birth on.

    Women are told they're beautiful/special/amazing/wonderful/precious from birth on.

    This is why men take criticism better than women and women tend to get terribly defensive when they are corrected. They can't handle anyone thinking that they are less than the beautiful/special/amazing/wonder/precious little snowflake they've been told they are all their lives.

    If people would stop worrying about what the opposite sex needs to change, they would be able to put up the Great Mirror of Introspection and figure out what they personally need to change. It's easier to find a quality partner you have the ability to be a quality partner yourself.

    1. Um i don't know about that "men get reality checks" stuff because i don't think thats 100% accurate but i definitely agree with:

      If people would stop worrying about what the opposite sex needs to change, they would be able to put up the Great Mirror of Introspection and figure out what they personally need to change. It’s easier to find a quality partner you have the ability to be a quality partner yourself.

      Where did the like button go???

      1. "Reality Checks" as in when we eff up generally there is someone or some entity there to tell us we fcuked up. Parents, friends, education system, prison system, life, etc.

        A woman generally gets sufficient support from parents (The father, if present) … Friends will generally side with the woman and tell her she isn't wrong … There are more women graduating and going to college then men *Kudos* … The judicial system is much more lenient on women then men … Women rarely get reality checks from a life standpoint, it usually goes from sugar to sh*t … not much in between. Something major has to happen for a women to get checked and half the time it's too late (i.e. early pregnancy, severe addiction, Amy Winehouse, Brittney Spears, Whitney Houston, etc.)

    2. "Women are told they’re beautiful/special/amazing/wonderful/precious from birth on.

      This is why men take criticism better than women and women tend to get terribly defensive when they are corrected. They can’t handle anyone thinking that they are less than the beautiful/special/amazing/wonder/precious little snowflake they’ve been told they are all their lives."

      I sort of agree with you. Little girls are praised a lot more growing up than men are… but I don't think women are any more defensive than men are. A LOT of men don't like to be corrected either.

      However… I do feel like women have been socialized to find their worth and make decisions based off of the opinions of men… whether its their daddy, brothers, boyfriends or even sometimes strangers… we're taught that our self worth is based off of what others think of us and that above all… we have to protect our reputations.

      "If people would stop worrying about what the opposite sex needs to change, they would be able to put up the Great Mirror of Introspection and figure out what they personally need to change. It’s easier to find a quality partner you have the ability to be a quality partner yourself."

      Cosign with this 100%!

    3. Every once in a while (that's what I call it now since I don't write as often as I used to), most of my topics would evolve around topics comparable to SBM, and I would get my head rolled by ladies who would hit me on my various social outlets, calling me a misogynist, an A$$hole, etc.

      Like musicslover said, women have been told all of their lives that they're the world's greatest, and as a future husband/father, those would be the same things I would tell my wife/daughter. However, as one of my former bosses told me, it's a challenging balance to maintain one's confidence while concurrently developing their ability to own up to who they are, what they stand for, and the actions they take (personally and professionally) as a result.

      Just like the article said, men have to take it on the chin if we get attacked (physically, mentally, emotionally) because it's OUR fault that it happened in the first place, but reciprocity is not allowed. If I fight back, I'm a BAN (B^&%H A$$ N&*(%A); if I walk away, I'm the same. All in all, the problem I have with some women is the lack of accountability and self-ownership that they have for their character, values, and actions taken as a result. If I can man up and accept who I am, and who I used to be, then women should do the same. But I digress………

    4. MusicLover,

      I like this comment. But I don't know that I can agree in good faith. I've always said that men never deal with getting their feelings hurt or not getting their way, we react oddly to it. However, most women are well experienced with getting theirs hurt and are a lot stronger than we think. Women actually deal with disappointment better than most men in my opinion. But I think the ones who do not, do not do it well at all. Whereas the problem with men is they suppress their feelings so much so never to have them hurt.

    5. Not so much in agreement with the criticism and praise disparity between the sexes comment. Maybe 35 years ago, it was that way.

      Now, it seems the standards for young black boys is so low, that they get praise for everything… even the most basic of accomplishments like cleaning their room one time out of the ten they were asked.

      Young girls are pushed to make straight As in school, play two instruments, learn an additional language, etc. I see it all the time.

      The result can be seen in modern society and the workplace. Black men are celebrated for much less… because the world expects less (at least before Barak came onto the scene… but then again, he wasn't raised by Black people in a Black community, but I digress…)

      Black women seem to have to accomplish much more to get the same level of celebration… precisely the reason why there are 3-5 Black women for every Black man in just about every graduate or professional education program despite an affirmative action program geared more in a Black man's favor ( lower scores required, more scholarship money provided). All in all, many young Black boys weren't pushed to accomplish their true potential but were praised at achieving much less. If they had a father in the home, they may have been pushed athletically or pushed to be "emotionally hard" but expectations in other areas were much lower.

      If Dad wasn't there, mommy usually coddled them and expected little to nothing out of them all the while communicating her youre-not-as-smart-as-your-sister expectations.

      That's the truth I see…

      1. Interesting. My comment was referring to all women and men and not just those in the black community. When you limit the idea to the black community, it really does become a different animal.I appreciate your insight.

  12. Women hate what they want to be…hence ciara's like a boy or beyonce's if I were a boy or the million other songs… Doctors should diagnose some women with d!ck envy they want to be men so badly and they don't even now how to be a woman. Any lady I deal with and we get into an arguement and i seriously want to grow with her, I always tell them how can a plant grow if i am the one who is watering the plant and I have no seeds? We BOTH have to put in work…i can't possibly be blamed for everything. @#monalisa81# hey boo

    1. I don't think women hate men. Your our brothers, lovers, friends, fathers, etcetcetc!

      For the most part we LUV you too dayum much, but thats another topic :-/

      I think society basically screwed us (women) over and who runs the world?

      Not Girls lol!

      Women just want the same rights and privileges that are BLINDLY given to men.

      This mayb why theres a lil confusion in the gender roles.

      I LOVE being a woman, but I kno that I deserve the same treatment as any man. PERIOD!

      1. @ oh ok we love ya'll just the same, just a little tough love…all im trying to say is right is right and wrong is wrong, MALE OR FEMALE don't play favorites..you also said you want the same rights as men…yeah you should get it, but you would still want your special "privilages"

        1. "Women just want the same rights and privileges that are BLINDLY given to men.

          This maybe why there a lil confusion in the gender roles.I LOVE being a woman, but I kno that I deserve the same treatment as any man. PERIOD!"

          Agree in aspects of human rights, respect and the work place. But on the relationship end I think this scenario doesn’t always work in the positive way. I think when it comes to courting, things are becoming so equal that some of the effort that men use to have to put in to get a women has now been put on the women’s back, which then leads to some of that unnecessary blame that women get in the whole "are you making yourself noticeable to suitors". This equality that we ask for in relationships is getting us short changed. I mean dudes are writing articles about how women should pay on the first date; I mean damn I understand splitting the check when we really start getting into dating mode but come on the first date. It’s like we want to be so equal with men in this realm that we ultimately make the man the woman (ie: chasing him, courting him, fighting for his attention) when it use to be the other way around.

        2. Agree with both of you! I can only speak for myself… I definitely want the same rights as men but I'm fighting for the equality moreso in the workplace. However, I want my " special privilages" when dealing with someone on a romantic basis. I think thats where it may become confusing… the dual personalities of women that are lions in the workplace but want to be kittens at home.

        3. "Agree in aspects of human rights, respect and the work place. But on the relationship end I think this scenario doesn’t always work in the positive way. I think when it comes to courting, things are becoming so equal that some of the effort that men use to have to put in to get a women has now been put on the women’s back, which then leads to some of that unnecessary blame that women get in the whole “are you making yourself noticeable to suitors”. This equality that we ask for in relationships is getting us short changed."

          Agree!

          I don't want equality in my relationships. I want what I bring to the table to be valued just as much as what the man brings to the table… but I still believe in having roles. Cuz um… I'm not splitting checks…nor am I chasing you.

        4. "I don’t want equality in my relationships. I want what I bring to the table to be valued just as much as what the man brings to the table… but I still believe in having roles. Cuz um… I’m not splitting checks…nor am I chasing you."

          Mmm Hmm. *NodsHeadinAgreement*

        5. "I don’t want equality in my relationships. I want what I bring to the table to be valued just as much as what the man brings to the table… but I still believe in having roles. Cuz um… I’m not splitting checks…nor am I chasing you."

          AMEN!!!!

    2. #shaking my head trying to understand chick logic# you don't want equality, but you want to be valued the same as me…that has to be the biggest oxymoron in life. I know things between us will never be equal there is no such thing…but it can get better and by you saying you will never chase me or split the check that's fine…just know whatever I say goes no backtalk so that means submit…i want my house clean and make my damn tacos lol

      1. lol @ Mix

        I think they mean valued on the same level but just in different regards. It’s like saying being a teacher is just as important as being a doctor they both have the ability to save lives just in different aspects.

      2. @ Smilez_920: Yup… thats exactly what I'm saying…lol.

        @ Mix:

        I didn't say we want to be valued the same as men. Said that I wanted what I bring to the table to be valued as much as what the man brings to the table.

        For example… If I'm married and my husband and I decide that I'm going to stay home with the kids while he works, I want him to realize that him getting up to go to work every day is just as important of a job as me getting up to take care of the kids and the home everyday. That even if I decide to stay home, that doesn't mean that he gets to make all the decisions about the family and I'm looked at as the poor helpless wife who needs my husband to survive. I'll give him final say… but my opinion and my input needs to be seriously considered and valued.

    3. Hey my baby!! @Mix annnnnnnnnd #ThatIsAll

      lol I'm playing. Seriously tho, I haven't read all comments so I'll just reply in general. This post needed to be made because regardless of what standpoint you take we have to admit that there ARE women out there just as described. Same as when a woman writes a blog bashing men for A B or C. My only issue comes when that big word "all" comes into play. I'm not about to argue w/ anybody about what they have experienced in life, or how, why, and when they officially became bitter towards the opposite sex. I will discuss diff viewpoints, but not argue. When folks start personally attacking I give a *sideeye* and think….."hit dogs always holler" Basically meaning when something hits too close to home (the truth) there are certain ppl that will go on the defense TOOOOO hard. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Nobody argues their point harder than someone in denial LOL believe that!!!

      Hmmm I guess that was more to the left of the topic than anything else huh? Oh well. Pardon my ramble and ……………. #Carry on.

  13. @Oh ok it's all love over here, ESP. For aesthetic reasons..

    @Mix to stand on your shoulders

    – Most men have to work for the most part, most (decently attractive) women can stay at home or work if they so choose… not equal (Part of the reason there is a so-called pay gap)

    – Most women can date BROKE, most men can't… Not equal

    – Most women take half in a divorce in marriage… Not equal

    – Most women get awarded custody of children in a custody… Not equal

    – Most women date & marry up, while expecting men to be their equal or their superior… Most men don't have that privilege… Not equal…

    – Most women get less time AND the get sentenced to death far far less than their male counterparts in the criminal justice…

    So, I can't wait until men & women are total equals…

    I want women paying for dates, getting on one knee with 3 months of salary spent on a ring, paying for a dream wedding, lifting heavy objects… And all that jazz

    But I think that if we ever get full equality, women will be the ones losing out… & complaining still

    Signed,

    Adonis aka "America's Original Feminist"

    Super Saiyan To The End

    1. @ adonis don't why people dislike you so much…truest statements I've heard in a minute, but hey you doin nothing right unless you are a villian

      1. Mix, please don't encourage him.

        As for you, Adonis, keep simultaneously waiting until men & women are equal while praying for original gender roles and "slut/fattie shaming" to make a comeback. America's Original Feminist indeed.

        1. lol… Adonis is right in regards to this comment though. I actually agree with him.

          But like I said upthread… I don't want everything to be equal. I just want mutual respect…

        2. @NaijaSweets

          In my utopia, I would prefer gender roles with light/moderate restrictions on female s.exuality… If you think civilization can last by let women run rampant, I need a $50 bag of whatever you be sniffing…

          Equality benefits me because I know how to manipulate people/women to do my bidding… In a truly patriarchal society I would actually have to work… By taking advantage of women, I avoid contributing tax dollars to the economy…

          And for all you s.x-positive feminists up in arms… Remember if you protect & keep women's legs closed… Pimps & players would be more of a folk legend…

    2. I actually hear what you're saying today (someone remind me to send Satan a pair of ice skates cuz it's gotta be completely iced over down there) and i agree that for the most part it goes down the way you are saying but you are leaving out some very key points here.

      – Most men have to work for the most part, most (decently attractive) women can stay at home or work if they so choose… not equal (Part of the reason there is a so-called pay gap)

      In order for a woman to be sitting in her house without a job, somebody has to be paying her bills. *message* And for the record, at least from what i've seen/read, the major reason for the pay gap is because women get pregnant and will eventually take time off and/or leave work altogether to raise a family while the average man will not.

      – Most women can date BROKE, most men can’t… Not equal

      Thats the choice of a man to date a broke woman. You can't complain about something you're doing on your own accord.

      – Most women take half in a divorce in marriage… Not equal

      if the woman got half that means the man got half to…how is that not equal?

      – Most women get awarded custody of children in a custody… Not equal

      IDK, im one of those chicks, wrong as it may be and might change my mind once i actually enter into parenthood, that feels like yeah i carried em and i popped em out so they are just a lil bit more mine than they are yours

      – Most women date & marry up, while expecting men to be their equal or their superior… Most men don’t have that privilege… Not equal…

      Statistically, there are more women than men in this world, and more women than men in postsecondary education and subsequently entering the workforce so you have options on whether you date/marry "up" or "down" So again, it is your choice to marry "down"

      – Most women get less time AND the get sentenced to death far far less than their male counterparts in the criminal justice…

      The criminal justice system is far from fair and just on many many many levels so i can't comment one way or the other

      1. "- Most women can date BROKE, most men can’t… Not equal

        Thats the choice of a man to date a broke woman. You can’t complain about something you’re doing on your own accord."

        He's saying that a woman can date broke because it's expected for the man to take her out and pay for whatever they do together and, God forbid, if he says dutch or can u pay for this or anything along those lines, he looks like a cheapskate or "Not a real man", etc. There's no way in he!! a man can date broke. 80% of the time, i'd never know if she's broke or not cuz the expectation is for me to make all the moves.

        "- Most women take half in a divorce in marriage… Not equal

        if the woman got half that means the man got half to…how is that not equal?"

        She takes half of what he has so now she has 75% to his 25%.

        Adonis offers some valid points, but at the same time what Adonis would prefer which is what NaijaSweetz pointed out is impossible. I think women are closer to the middle ground than they have ever been before, although i think that isn't necessarily an absolute good thing, but relatively good and bad especially as it relates to Man and Woman relationships.

      2. I actually hear what you’re saying today (someone remind me to send Satan a pair of ice skates cuz it’s gotta be completely iced over down there) and i agree that for the most part it goes down the way you are saying but you are leaving out some very key points here.

        I didn't go hard enough last night in the paint, and here we are

        – Most men have to work for the most part, most (decently attractive) women can stay at home or work if they so choose… not equal (Part of the reason there is a so-called pay gap) 

        In order for a woman to be sitting in her house without a job, somebody has to be paying her bills. *message* And for the record, at least from what i’ve seen/read, the major reason for the pay gap is because women get pregnant and will eventually take time off and/or leave work altogether to raise a family while the average man will not.

        Alot women know for a fact they can get a man to pay for things if her looks & swag is right… But feminist pride, keeps alot of women in the workforce…

        You also fail to mention that women take less riskier jobs then men do (how many women you know work on bridges & in construction), don't travel cross country as much as men do, work less hours, etc… 

        "Why Men Earn More" by Will Farrell 

        But you & I agree that is comes down to CHOICES (and women have more of them) why women don't earn more, not because of "The Man" holding women back… They are too money hungry to be worried about being s3xist

        – Most women can date BROKE, most men can’t… Not equal

        Thats the choice of a man to date a broke woman. You can’t complain about something you’re doing on your own accord.

        It sounds more like an gender expectation coming from both genders… That benefits women & society… I slightly agree with you… I just think in an egalitarian society, we need to do away with this…

        – Most women take half in a divorce in marriage… Not equal

        if the woman got half that means the man got half to…how is that not equal?

        Because most women came with little into a marriage and "got accustomed to a certain lifestyle" (Men you are being penalized for taking care/spoiling of a woman… One of your inclinations to do, as a man)… #NuffSaid

        – Most women get awarded custody of children in a custody… Not equal

        IDK, im one of those chicks, wrong as it may be and might change my mind once i actually enter into parenthood, that feels like yeah i carried em and i popped em out so they are just a lil bit more mine than they are yours

        This is the statement that stands out… And I believe most Western women feel like you do… Reason why I would never commit to someone who feels like this… 

        I don't know about you guys, but I feel like a s.perm donor & a paycheck, and maybe the occasional babysitter

        – Most women date & marry up, while expecting men to be their equal or their superior… Most men don’t have that privilege… Not equal…

        Statistically, there are more women than men in this world, and more women than men in postsecondary education and subsequently entering the workforce so you have options on whether you date/marry “up” or “down” So again, it is your choice to marry “down”

        Women set the standard… And when women make more ($75,000) , most of the time she expects her man to make more than her… ($80,000 or better)… Some women will be PC on this… Most men know better

        Now, women can go as far as their looks/swag can take them, & how many men are willing to <DEL> over </DEL> pay their asking price…

        – Most women get less time AND the get sentenced to death far far less than their male counterparts in the criminal justice…

        The criminal justice system is far from fair and just on many many many levels so i can’t comment one way or the other

        I am just saying that if we are shooting for equality (which female supremacists like to hide under), we should be giving women equal time for the same crimes men commit, we should be giving women the electric chair when they commit hideous crimes like drown their children in cold blood (but, we as a society don't have the BALLS to truly carry out the so called JUSTICE we  preach) as much as we execute men…

        When women get accused of a crime, they have more "outs" then men do, (Look up "battered woman/wife syndrome")

        1. Adonis: "Most women get awarded custody of children in a custody… Not equal"

          Lady Ngo: "IDK, im one of those chicks, wrong as it may be and might change my mind once i actually enter into parenthood, that feels like yeah i carried em and i popped em out so they are just a lil bit more mine than they are yours"

          Adonis: "This is the statement that stands out… And I believe most Western women feel like you do… Reason why I would never commit to someone who feels like this…

          I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like a s.perm donor & a paycheck, and maybe the occasional babysitter"

          While I agree with most of what Lady Ngo said, that one comment made me raise an eyebrow myself. But there will be enough shots fired today, so I left it alone.

        2. – Most women take half in a divorce in marriage… Not equal
          if the woman got half that means the man got half to…how is that not equal?

          Because most women came with little into a marriage and “got accustomed to a certain lifestyle” (Men you are being penalized for taking care/spoiling of a woman… One of your inclinations to do, as a man)… #NuffSaid

          Surely, you can’t be serious about this statement.

      3. @Lady Ngo

        http://communityvoices.sites.post-gazette.com/ind

        More on the blatant misandry that goes on in our world…

        Basically underaged BOYS got raped by older WOMEN… Not only did the women get off EASY, these guys later in life have to pay child support regardless of how the child came about…

        Could you IMAGINE if the gender were reversed… #HangEmHigh

        Rape is only rape when a man is doing it…

        So, before any women or man talks to me about gender inequalities, and how women get a raw deal… Remember this article… & others like it… Because the Internet is exposing all the bullshiggity…

        1. Funny that you mentioned me here because I actually am one of those people that think that men can and are raped. Rape is rape doesn't matter who is committing it and who's the victim. And this whole phenomenon of older women (usually teachers) sexing lil boys (usually their students or their kids friends) is disgusting no matter how people try to flip it as the ultimate "lil boy fantasy"

          This doesn't constitute misandry to me though. More of a double standard than anything. Nor does this negate the gender inequality argument. Two wrongs don't make a right.

    3. @Mix @Oh ok

      I forgot to add that men are coerced into signing up for selective services, so if America needs Armed forces, men have to "involuntarily" give their lives for their country, or pay a 5 year jail penalty…

      I would love to know when women get to have that same privilege…

      Today is going to be fun….

    4. Men don't make $0.77 on every dollar that men make – Not Equal

      Men don't incubate a baby for 9 months – Not Equal

      Men don't lose a substantial amount of income in child rearing – Not Equal

      A Man's child support is nothing compared to full-time parenting of a woman – Not Equal

      Women stand a greater risk of dying at the hands of a man – Not equal

      The fact that any man can deny male privilege – Not equal

      Perhaps, the reason men are bashed so much is b/c u technically don't listen anyway, nor do you care; and you have yet to actually take the time to understand women's perspectives as individuals. We're not all the same just b/c we bleed and have vaginas.

      But again, why am I even bothering trying to explain common sense to u?

      1. Please stop while you are ahead. You are trying to argue points that no one is even going against.

        Point one: overused stat. Does happen but not to the point of it being an epidemic. Most people agree it should be corrected.

        Point two: biological. We have no control over. Dont talk equality in a realm where its impossible to achieve…ever.

        Point three: youre welcome for me continuing to support our child and now you temporarily.

        Point four: only an idiot would think otherwise.

        Point five: not going to bother

        Point six. Just like female privilege exists in some areas? Yeah…shut up

        You talk common sense but are showing a lack of it. Men listen just fine just not in thw same manner you do

      2. @Animate Thanks for backing me up. but I will take @MissMina & see what happens

        @Cherry Darling

        Men don’t make $0.77 on every dollar that men make – Not Equal

        This is an old stat that has been debunk COUNTLESS times… one, it is illegal… & two, corporations are so bottomline , that they would just hire women at every position if they could bring wages down… Why would an employer pay more for a man, when he can get less for a woman…

        "Why Men Earn More" by Will Farrell… Read it…

        Men don’t incubate a baby for 9 months – Not Equal

        Biological… Women can choose to stay childless too… So they won't have to go through such an strenuous process…

        Men don’t lose a substantial amount of income in child rearing – Not Equal

        Having a child is a choice for 95% of women… and they have reproductive rights all through the gestation process… A woman can avoid having a child & be a CEO & make millions…

        A Man’s child support is nothing compared to full-time parenting of a woman – Not Equal

        Interesting… Then why don't these women in custody battles give the child to the father & pay child support… And give a man the chance to go through all that hardship women claim…

        If it was really a big deal, women would let the dads takeover… & live it up…

        Women stand a greater risk of dying at the hands of a man – Not equal

        You forgot to add… The men that they choose to entertain… And women need to use the friendly men in their lives for protection!… A point that I stated earlier… Be smart

        The fact that any man can deny male privilege – Not equal

        Instead of "not equal" you should have said "Priceless" & sold me a MasterCard…

        Men get certain advantages in life & as I stated upthread… women do too… Women forget how beneficial it is to be good looking & have a vagin.a…

        Perhaps, the reason men are bashed so much is b/c u technically don’t listen anyway, nor do you care; and you have yet to actually take the time to understand women’s perspectives as individuals. We’re not all the same just b/c we bleed and have vaginas.

        But again, why am I even bothering trying to explain common sense to u?

        Men do hear women, and what they have to say at times… But men need to know what women respond to, and be that kind of man…

        Enjoy yourself Cherry

  14. How can you even refute this post without being accused of taking part in the very behavior that inspired the topic? #Whatever

    When we don’t stick up for other women, we are catty. B*tches. Have bad attitudes and “…that’s the problem with black women” yada yada… We do stick up for each other – now we are ignorantly gassing each other up?

    Women are emotional, expressive, social beings. We can actually be social, just for the sake of being social. Not so that we can have s.ex with those within our social group, or get some understanding on how to have more s.ex when outside of the social group. But just because we are inquisitive and communal by nature.

    Twisted theories and “skirting around” issues? You have got to be kidding. Too bad women don’t have the perfect permanent built-i bullsh*t excuse that gets them out of any and every situation based on built in ignorance attached to their chromosome.

    A dude is a male h0e. He’s a man. Men sleep around.

    A dude is a cheater. He’s a man. Men are dogs.

    A dude is a liar. He’s a man. Men lie.

    And if it’s not that way.. there’s some way that men tend to get coddled.

    A dude get’s laid off. Its hard out here for black men.

    A dude gets in a car accident. Poor guy! Women can’t ever drive!

    If women, black women especially, are at fault for anything it’s being unjustifiably loyal to unappreciative, undeserving black men. *covers mouth* Oh no! Instantly I hate all men. Or have I done a sufficient enough job with identifying my target here, sir? Perhaps this is me participating in the infamous misandry…? This can’t possibly be an admittedly, purposefully dramatic but commonly shared expression of frustation and other emotions.

    Dr. J… you’re usually a personal fav – and ambivalence is an uncommonly identified characteristic of love… but GTFOH.

    1. @ let's love…nice to meet you and I love your name, so I'm goin to say this with love and the upmost respect. A few points: 1. It's not bein catty or sticking together, it's about middle ground and given a women honest feedback e.i telling her what she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear. 2. Your words were women are emotional,expressive and social you didn't use logicial or reasonable. 3. If men are dogs…that would make women fleas. 4. You are guilty for loving ferrais with no engines type of dudes…i understand your frustration lovely, but you have to understand your part in the movie

      1. Hi Mix. Thanks and nice to meet you as well.

        I typically ignore posts like this – and almost wish I had – but my point was simply that sometimes we (myself included 🙂 hi @Top5doa) are overly dramatic when expressing emotions – which is why I made my comment that way. We also often let our emotions make our decisions. Yes… it's all true. But it all comes from a place of passion – for me anyway. When that passion has to be categorized as male bashing… it's just annoying.

        I have read a blog or two where a women was expressing feelings of hurt and been able to empathize. Whether I have been there or not – sometimes it's pure entertainment. Maybe there is a lesson to take away. Whatever. I don't want to have to be put in a box for that.

        As for point 4… far from the truth my dear. Very far. I was simply annoyed with the overall tone of the post. I can assure you there is no connection between these expressions and some deep seeded issue I have as some hurt and bitter female.

    2. @LetsLove

      You lowkey took the easy way out. Instead of saying yea women do have a tendency (myself included) to never admit when they are wrong, you simply flipped the script and vilified men for all the things they do wrong or do or don't own up to. I believe men (as stated above by someone) are comfortable/used to being the bad guys, so we're more prone to accept when we are wrong than women are. And it makes it much more difficult for women to admit these things when they generally operate off emotion, where as men operate off logic and reason. Bottom Line there are some topics in which male bashing occurs and depending on the actual topic, it's justified, but i won't comment with a Devil's advocacy tone to me just to be a dissenter and refuse to own up to whatever is true about the topic.

      Immediate defensiveness is much more telling than one may think.

      1. And herein lies my problems with comments on this site sometimes. Its easy to flip the script but what about addressing the issue? Male bashing on the net happens, but it's not POPular to talk about. Its almost the same effect like Jay said of Male domestic violence. Dudes will laugh if I tell them my woman is beating me up, but shoe on other foot, its a capital crime. Same thing with this topic.

        lets stop taking the easy way out and really discuss this. GEEZ!

        1. "When we don’t stick up for other women, we are catty. B*tches. Have bad attitudes and “…that’s the problem with black women” yada yada… We do stick up for each other – now we are ignorantly gassing each other up? "

          Sticking up for each other is good. But male bashing at times is like the blind leading the blind, you run into a wall.

          What we don’t understand is we are the ones writing these blogs, calling our home boys, running on tv, radio, the internet asking why men do this and how can I get/find/keep a man, where the good are. I feel like we do this at a higher rate than men do (for women) there for we get a lot more criticism good/bad that we can/can’t handle sometimes.

          "If women, black women especially, are at fault for anything it’s being unjustifiably loyal to unappreciative, undeserving black men. *covers mouth* Oh no! Instantly I hate all men. Or have I done a sufficient enough job with identifying my target here, sir? Perhaps this is me participating in the infamous misandry…? This can’t possibly be an admittedly, purposefully dramatic but commonly shared expression of frustration and other emotions. "

          Yet and still you choose to love that unappreciative jerk. You choose to stay, you choose to let him lie in your house and not pay rent, and you choose to keep screwing him. The thing is while as a woman I do have a right to my feelings and to be mad at men but at the same time I shouldn’t let the anger block the fact that, “THE MEN IN MY LIFE ARE DOING THE THINGS THEY DO BECAUSE I LET THEM" Male bashing at times enables a women to see the role she played in her own demise. While there are times when it is all the man’s fault, there are times that it’s all the women’s fault to and we have to know when to take the blame and when to let are counterpart know that they “f’d up”

      2. @Top5DOA I understand where you are coming from and you make valid points.

        My intention was not to vilify men or point out all the things they do wrong. My intention was to both portray and comment on the emotional state of women that does, indeed, drive many decisions and to say that it can come from an often (but not always) innocent place of passion. Men are simple and logical, women are complex and emotional. Men, in my opinion, often get a pass because they are men and women often get called bitter and angry or whatever else.

        I agree that I played the role of the "dissenter" and admit to doing so with a "devils advocate" tone. It was intentional – but not at all a representation of my personality as I do not regularly take on this type of impulsive behavior – but as a women, I just might! Some things strike a nerve. I am actually overly logical and often called cold by friends because of my often calculated, reasonable nature. As time passed I was able to identify aspects of my personality that were a bit insensitive – so I've made the conscious effort to be empathetic. NOT to join pitty parties and cry over how horrible all men are. Not at all.

        What came of as immediate defensiveness was ultimately just an impulsive reaction to a post that just kind of annoyed me.

        Let me be more specific.

        "So how do some popular female bloggers who aren’t interested in talking about sex keep large readerships entertained? If you asked me, it seems as though they are constantly bringing men down, also known as blanketed hate for men, or Misandry. And let me qualify that statement by saying, they bring all men down."

        I haven't experienced half the things most women have in regards to being hurt, heartbroken, etc. However – I listen to friends, in everyday life and in the blogosphere, talk about such hurts. When you are discussing these hurts, especially if it's a fresh wound, we can often be impulsive and overly dramatic. We are emotional beings. Especially if we are in a vulnerable state. Sometimes you just want to be expressive. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's often littered with sarcasm and generalizations – but it CAN also come from a place of passion and empathy. Do I have to be categorized as a male basher for that? That's all I meant. There is a time for hugs, and then there is a time for shakes! A lot of the time you hug your friend first, then you give her a reality check she may or may not be able handle. If you love your friend you do it anyway because you care enough for her to let her be mad at you than to let her do some crazy ish without saying anything at all. I am not a fan of telling people what they want to hear. But I will tell a male bashing joke to get my crying friend to smile and breathe before I go for the jugular and shake her out of that mess.

        Lastly, I just really felt like the section regarding women skirting around issues by blaming men all the time was a bit unfair when men really do often get this instant out because they are men. Is there some truth to what was said? Of course. There is also truth to what I said. Neither can be stated as definitive causes or effects unless the circumstances surrounding whatever issue are presented in detail.

        1. Hi LetsLove,

          Lol…i could literally feel the fire emanating from your post earlier and ur point was pretty clear. As a man that looks to better understand women one woman at a time, I appreciate the clarification and thought process behind your original rant.

          In my opinion, a man will eff up and take responsibility for the mistake, hence the pass we may receive. It's not seen as a pass tho, it's a self reality check, a mental note and a welp, guess u effed up. A woman on the other hand won't admit that she was initially wrong in her assessment of the man she chose and she can't even accept the fact that she can't change that mistake that she's trying to change in that man, so therefore her "man-bashing" moments are seen as bitter, angry…YES…but there were a lot of checks and balances that she failed to realize earlier, which systematically leads to those "moments". And in no way am i saying, every woman should inherently know whether or not she has a good dude, but its definitely obvious when u don't (We do a good job of making that clear … smh).

          I can tell the post sparked a nerve, but I think there's a level of self-accountability to that should come in to play (when possible). You said you couldn't help but spazz and that's understandable. Happens to us all.

          Quick question: What do you think is a fair amount of male bashing convos does it take for a woman to be considered a male basher?

          "There is a time for hugs, and then there is a time for shakes! A lot of the time you hug your friend first, then you give her a reality check she may or may not be able handle. If you love your friend you do it anyway because you care enough for her to let her be mad at you than to let her do some crazy ish without saying anything at all. I am not a fan of telling people what they want to hear."

          If this is you … EXCELLENT … we need more of your types out here. I've noticed women are soooo afraid of reality checking friends because the friend is "in a vulnerable state" and she needs encouragement rather than checking. I think encouragement is necessary, but it shouldn't be greater than 50% if checking is apparent. 10% encouragement, 90% checking, may yield better results. Don't default to a male bashing joke tho, i'd rather you pick on the small people (Lol…word to yesterday's post).

        2. @Top5DOA More valid points. And I will take your advice on not defaulting to a male bashing joke – that is not the best route (see that..? 🙂 )

          "In my opinion, a man will eff up and take responsibility for the mistake, hence the pass we may receive. It’s not seen as a pass tho, it’s a self reality check, a mental note and a welp, guess u effed up."

          So how do we then define taking responsibility? Because… lets say we were in a relationship and you cheat with some random broad who meant nothing to you but.. stripped all her clothes off and presented the opportunity so you ran with it. First of all… all this men are "logical and reasonable" talk somehow disappears once that other head is stimulated. But that's besides the point… Doesn't this USUALLY get the "he's a man" pass? As if you are inherently incapable of passing that up? So you saying, "Yes, I did it. I'm a man. Welp. Guess I eff'd up." somehow qualifies as taking responsibility and self checking?? While I might want to get to the core of the issue.. like what was the reason behind deciding to go for it… most people are going to say that there is no "core issue"… and that you are simply a man. Do you know what I mean? That's the frustrating part. Women cannot do that. I can see how this is not the same as women blaming SOMEONE ELSE… as opposed to admitting they are wrong… but it's got to be a little easier to admit your wrong with this soft cushiony "your a man, it's expected" blanket that men have. Not that I would want one of those. I'm just saying. Women, the more emotional, less logical ones, are expected to (a) just deal with it if it was a man and (b) just own up to it if she is the guilty party. But hey… such is life, i guess.

          Let's go a step further and say I love you and opt to stay with you because of that. Now I'm a dumb broad (hypothetical and while I would LIKE to say I would never take a cheater back.. you don't actually know what you would do when love is involved – way more details would be needed) for staying. If I talk to my girls about it… The friend who says, "I don't blame you girl, you love him.. go with your heart" is blindly supporting me and the one who says "dump his sorry a$$, once a cheater always a cheater – they don't change." is male bashing. Right?

          This goes to your question… in order for a woman to be considered a male basher – I think it's about the predominant tone of her conversations. The mother who constantly talks about a "punk a$$ daddy" might only be bashing one particular male… but this can translate into the entire male population for an impressionable child. The women who, as Dr. J mentioned, has given up on men and continues to rant about it is male bashing. I mean… we all make jokes a time or two about giving up – but I will never ever give up on men. And I can say that definitively. I guess to answer your question.. if you are being more pessimistic than optimistic with regard to men, and your heart is seriously hardened… you might be a male basher.

        3. @LetsLove @Top5DOA

          A male basher to me is someone who takes their SMALL sample size of men (like the thugs & batboy she loves to loathe & her social circle of men), and projects on a big screen to all the men all over the states…

          (Unlike me, who has spent copious amount of years, analyzing the opposite in depth…)

          Keep in mind, these women are usually psychologically damaged… And almost preference for a certain type of dude, and that his all she sees… Guys like me can't even be appreciated… or recognized that we don't fit that mold she SAYS she loathes….

          (Whereas, I have approached at least over a 1,000 women in my city & plan to approach a 1,000 more…, add in the fact, that I read, & compared notes with other men IRL & eStreets… watch my brothers relationships, & my older friends…)

          I can start questioning women and it always comes down to how her daddy was absent or abused mommy, or the first three dudes that she allowed to sleep with her were jerks… (or men who were out of her l)

          It doesn't come from a place of knowledge or understanding…

          So for example, I recognize women bleed every month, get pregnant for nine months, are vulnerable for rape, process information differently, have major health concerns, hate rejection,

          have to guard their s*xual reputation like fort knox, have a need to emote, need drama in their lives to function (or at least some eternal excitement), have secret rape fantasies (but don't want to actually be raped, big difference)… I can go on & on with this…

          At the very least I am aware of what women might go through on a daily… & men like myself to be successful have to get in your head at well… The guys already getting what they want don't need to learn about women, otherwise they would be right here with me…

          But very few women care whether are not that a lot of men are struggling out there with women (don't even have the opportunity to hurt women, because he is not getting them!), but as soon as women want to bash men, said struggling man is getting thrown under the bus with "Ray Ray & Pookie"

          So, I can imagine how well versed women are on other male issues…

          I don't mind a woman coming down on men, but at least know what you speak of… Not just your anecdotal experiences….

          I may be bias, but I am as objective with an edge…

        4. Men may get a "he's a man" pass, but that doesn't meant that there shouldn't be consequences that are associated with the action he took, so the lady decides to stay (maybe the pass ur talking about) or he'll get the "Welp, you fcuked up dude…i'm leaving yo azz" speech. Honestly it's hard to get out of certain situations we, as men, stupidly put ourselves in and for that we shouldn't get a pass. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to cut a potential game spitter off with the "I have a boyfriend" line, mainly because women generally love having boyfriends. So for a man to get past that line or not even hear that line from a women will inevitably result in a milli side-eyes (Double standard).

          "and the one who says “dump his sorry a$$, once a cheater always a cheater – they don’t change.” is male bashing. Right?"

          And this is prolly coming from a woman that has both emotionally and physically cheated before, which makes her statement even more ignorant.

          In relation to your last paragraph, I said this on twitter last week … "Be more optimistic. Cynicism is played out."

    3. LetsLove – Let's just say this about your comment. You said how can you refute this and not be accused? Well that's a good point because your comment was pretty much laced with Misandry. You decided to take the post and then use all the words I said not to. You even said "ignorance." You went to point out all negative traits of men, but that wasn't even the point.

      This is the definition of Blind defense of women in the face of malfeasance. You didn't even address the fact that women do bash men and have Misandry in their heart.

      Thank you.

      1. I've exhausted my intentions and my point above. And I did address the things you claim I did not. You and I can agree to disagree on all of this. If you think I helped prove your point – so be it.

        You're more than welcome.

        1. I was trying to respond to your comment as a first commenter on a thread. I didn't catch that you were being facetious. I still don't think it was necessary to the conversation. I think something struck a chord with you and that's perfectly okay. But at the same time, I don't think it helped anything and once people figured it out they quickly moved on.

  15. I m gonna pray for your soul that you don't get lynched by a group of Amazon Women wearing camouflage bikinis while screaming "who run the world? Girls!!!".

    That being said, I somewhat agree with what you have said. Some women just be hating on men. Its a sad double standard, we men can't be bitter as well even though we are human beings and have emotions and opinions as well. Maybe its me but I find that there is something similar with this phenomenon and white guilt. Much like "white privilege" the burden of "male privilege" is that you get to shut up when the oppressed/aggrieved party is bashing you.

  16. I expect today's comments section to reach nuclear meltdown status. Unfortunately I'll be assigned to the bench today because it's about to be on and crackin' at work. I will say that for the most part I agree with what was said, especially the "Domestic Violence Effect".

    But this: A chick gets in a car accident. It’s because the roads were designed by men.

    It's too damn early for me to laugh that loud.

    1. *Coach tells Larry to get into game for TWIsM*

      Larry: "Sorry, coach, I think rolled by ankle in warm-ups…think I'll stay on the bench, too" lol.

      But yeah, co-sign this statement. *sips water from gatorade cup*

  17. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming other people for any misandry I may have but I must mention that a lot of us were raised to believe that men are evil. As a young kid, not a day went by that I didn't hear my mom complaining about the dude in her life and then it becomes a generalization about how all men act one way or another. Even the dads get in on it warning us that he knows how boys/men think or that guys are only after one thing. In their attempts to have us hold out on sex, they demonize men and portray them as predators. Plus that picture you posted, I'm pretty sure I've seen that on a little girl's shirt or notebook. And it's pretty much expected that we should hate men. One time my mom and sister were having their men ain't sh¡t convo. I was just listening because I didn't have anything to say and my mom calls me out, "what about you Krystal? What does Eugene do?" I was dumbfounded.

    After all that, I can honestly say that when I started seeing my husband, I remember thinking this ain't bad at all.

    1. I don't think our parents warn us about boys just because they want us to hold out on sex. I think the things they tell us are mostly true, and they tell us these things because they want to protect us. Just like when they tell us not to drive fast because the roads and the people on it are dangerous. Boys can be dangerous, too, and we women just haven't mastered how to protect ourselves.

      But just like driving, some accidents can be prevented if we're more careful. And some accidents are even our own faults. We can't always blame men for our neglect in taking precautions. But hey, I say if it makes you feel good in the short term, then do it. Sometimes male-bashing just makes us feel better, let us have it. Just don't make it a habit or you'll end up being one of those bitter black chicks that even other women don't like being around.

      1. I don’t think our parents warn us about boys just because they want us to hold out on sex. I think the things they tell us are mostly true…

        I have a number of problems with this. But I'll stick to my two biggest: 1) Doesn't it become sort of a self-fulfilling prophesy. If I tell you boys/men are bad and then something bad happens then I can say "See, I told you so." Which leads into 2) Where does the woman's accountability come in? If men become the scapegoat, and we can blame all the ills of the world on us, then is a woman ever at fault?

        1. On point 2) did you read paragraph 2? "We can't always blame men for our neglect in taking precautions"

          On point 1) So what is a parent supposed to do? If you care about your child, do you not warn them about the dangers of the world? Not men, specifically, but life in general. You don't tell your child "Drive safely," but secretly hope they have an accident so you can say "I told you so." Come on.

        2. My problem with YOUR comment isn't that you're "attacking" me but you seem to be attacking good parenting. I really hope that wasn't your intention.

        3. Attacking good parenting? I didn't see an attack period, but nonetheless. Your response and the quote that I initially italicized are not the same. In your response you added "Not men, specifically…" which changes your initial statement slightly.

          As to the parenthood question. Is it an attack on "good parenting" to suggest teaching kids to deal with people on a person by person basis. The idea of warning "about boys" to protect your children is making a blanket statement by grouping everyone together… you know kinda stereotyping. I would think a better approach would be saying some people aren't good, and they're going to try to take advantage and get over to better themselves regardless of who gets hurt in the process. The problem is you have to determine who those people are.

        4. I see your point. But I think a "blanket statement" would be saying, for example," all boys are bad." I never said that, and I never meant it. I just meant that parents teach their children to be careful, and "horny teenage boys," is one of the things that our parents warn us (daughers) about, and I don't think that's a bad thing. But if you read down to the extended conversation below us, you'll also see that I said it's important to make sure the message is conveyed in the right way.

          And the quote you italicized was one portion of an overall statement. Pointing out that specific part kind of takes it out of context. I had an overall point to make, and this was only one incomplete part of it. I think my repsonse reflected my initial statement, just maybe not specifically the part you italicized.

    2. @keona, girl I see your point. It is necessary to warn us about life in general but when it comes to relationships, I don't think this is the route to take. With this approach a girl is jaded towards men without even having experience with any. There's got to be a better way.

      1. I respect that. But my mom was mistreated by my dad. She told me to be careful when it comes to boys (the way she tells me to be careful about everything), but she never once bad-mouthed my father. In fact, he was the one who warned me about guys, only to find out when I grew older that he was just like the men he'd warned me about. I think this was his way of trying to make sure I didn't end up with someone like him. I respect that.

        I think it's all in how you approach the subject. Like it or not, this is a big bad world and not everybody is looking out for your best interest. I think a parent has a responsibility to discuss the goods and bads of relationships with their children, but I do think it's important to be careful in the way that the message comes across.

        1. I agree, especially with your last part about how the message comes across.

          A lot of adults and parents are bitter about their situations, so they pass that bitterness down the line to their children (especially their daughters) It kills me when I see people under 17 posting statuses like men don’t know how to act, I can do bad all by myself, Miss independent. It's like you’re not even old enough to understand these concepts, you haven’t even been with a real man yet. But they emulate what they hear their mothers say or other grown women say.

      2. Right, the approach makes the difference. I don't want to scare my daughter but I do want her to be aware. It's such a delicate line though on what to say to her, what's too much and what's just enough?

    3. Krystlyght,

      I think the danger in arguing that women were raised to be misandrists or that their experiences tell them to be that way is that men can't use that same argument for why they bash women.

      I can't bash women because I was raised in a house where my mother insisted on telling me my daddy or men in general "ain't sh*t." That's just not an option. I can't call all women hoes because my first girlfriend cheated on me, or the fact that I had a crush in HS and she ended up dating the Captain of the football team.

      1. Childhood experiences stick with people. And a lot of us think what momma says is golden. What else would lead my sister to tell my dad (not her dad) that she's "tired of men" when he expressed concern for her when she was around seventeen. She was a kid who had no experience with men.

        And men do it too. "I'm a lame dad because my dad was lame" or "My daddy was a player so I'm gonna be a player." Yes those things have actually been said to me. To that I said grow the heck up but the point is we mimic our parents and that doesn't always end when we move out of their houses.

        I wasn't disagreeing with your post. I was trying to offer a possible explanation. Also if women want to be feminists go right ahead but you can uplift women without tearing down men.

        1. Also if women want to be feminists go right ahead but you can uplift women without tearing down men.

          @Krystllyght I love this! I always say that! There are many men, and women for that matter that don't understand that we can be all about the empowerment of our gender which was, in fact oppressed for quite some time, and still love men without bashing them. They are not mutually exclusive.

          That's why I don't get why guys are so threatened by female empowerment songs! Chill dude! Jus because we love being women, doesnt mean we don't need yall! LoL

  18. I was ready to come here and be mad but this was actually hilarious. I agree with most of it…save point two. I don't think wanting to defend women means you hate men, especially in a situation where both parties are at fault.

    Also…I think because women are still a minority you're still going to have this resistance towards societal norms. Just like Black people need outlets like The Root, that can sometimes seem to hate the majority, women need their seemingly anti-male outlets. But yes, there are def women out there who just man haters. usually there are many underlying issues but i dont know if the way these women feel can change.

      1. Most,

        Women need to cheat a little more, lol. The Democrats won the popular vote 51 to 49, but still lost to the Republicans. Just joking…

        1. Mostly off-topic, but even though women are technically the majority in terms of gender, we have a minority of power in the U.S. Which is also one of the reasons we refer to the male privilege: they tend to have an upper-hand in power just because they have penises, even the ones who act like p***ies. And men may argue with me about this, but they know I'm right. I'm not complaining about it though (at least not right now).

  19. The saying actually goes: "the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference". But your message still stands. It's like the scene in the movie Baby Boy. When she says "I hate you", what she really means is I love you, or i'm really pissed that you don't love me/treat me the way I want to be treated. Otherwise, she'd be indifferent…which is to not care either way. Thus I would argue that (most) women DO NOT have to admit that they hate men, because they really don't.

    The way I see it, women only "bash" men because they care. They have gripes with men, which may or may not be reasonable, but need a venue to voice their condemnation. It would be great to have a discussion where both men and women can discuss their problems in an adult fashion where both sexes can take constructive criticism and also take accountability for their own ratchet behavior, but i've yet to see it in the blogosphere.

    1. "It would be great to have a discussion where both men and women can discuss their problems in an adult fashion where both sexes can take constructive criticism and also take accountability for their own ratchet behavior, but i’ve yet to see it in the blogosphere."

      THIS! If you could see the *praise dance* I'm doing in my head right now! This was exactly my point! God forbid men admit that "You know what, sometimes we are selfish jerks!" God forbid women admit that, "Hey, sometimes we encourage the bad behavior in men and/or just make stupid emotional decisions."

      The post that Dr. J is referencing is a text book example of what's wrong with gender relations. Yea, the majority of women were defending the woman's plight, but she made a poor irrational decision based on emotions. Many of us can unfortunately empathise with that. Fact of the matter though, regardless of the catalyst, she is ultimately accountable for her own decision. Not him. On the flip side though, the dude writing the letter actually ADMITTED he was wrong for his actions, however, some commenters STILL argued that he wasn't! Do you know how twisted that is? Fact of the matter. All 3 main characters of that situation made at least one poor choice that contributed to that disastrous outcome. As mature adults we need to all acknowledge our faults and work toward a solution. Displays like this demonstrate that we are all way too focused on the finger-pointing blame game. GROW UP! If we continue to defend bad behavior and furthermore dispute those who are ADMITTING that they made a mistake, then we are in for a miserable existence.

      Let's look at it like this. If a computer is malfunctioning, why would we put 98% of our effort into hashing out who broke it? In the end its still BROKE. Let's focus on FIXING it. I guarantee if this logic were applied in relationships the divorce rate would not be so high.

  20. looks around, read comments, makes some nods..shake heads profusely at others….

    SBM female readership, before you continue your barrage, ask yourself WWJD? (Not Jesus, Jackie O'nassis)

    Play your part, understand the world isn't fair and make the most out of your God given abilities.

    If not, shut the fck up, have a Coke and smile.

  21. I find that it's always the most oppressed group in history always rises up and claims a free pass to hate on oppressors in modern time. It's true in most cases. You hit the nail on the head with women today.

    1. Kind of like how we get a free pass to make all sorts of derogatory remarks towards people of other races – particularly of the white persuasion, – but God help them if they so much as publicly utter some ambiguous comment in the wrong tone while making reference to black people..no?

  22. "So how do some popular female bloggers who aren’t interested in talking about sex keep large readerships entertained? If you asked me, it seems as though they are constantly bringing men down, also known as blanketed hate for men, or Misandry."

    You know what? I've been watching this for a while and determined there's something in common with all the popular female bloggers. It's a high level of confidence and courage to say what's on their mind despite what people may think of them. They portray/live their life in such a way that those reading aspire to have that life or wish they could be that open. It's kinda like "I know I can't say this, but I know she will."

    This can be true of why people read sites like this too though.

  23. I actually think this post was thoughtful and well written. There was definite truth in it. I still think that misandry is an archaic word that Dr. J brought back to life and blew the dust off of just for this post, but the point is still made. The key thing is that there is a thin line between love and hate for both men and women, but it's still a man's world, so women are left to rant in blogs. Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.

  24. I think the hatin truly just comes from those ladies that have been hurt. However who knows if their current miseries are due to self-inflicted foolishness or true miscommunication. I personally had no man to look up to. Young men are fooling themselves to all be players and consider women disposable. I'm not even 20 yet but I already know how jaded that lifestyle truly is and I've been able to succeed regardless of that mindset. But I find it frustrating when people seldom focus on reflection and improvement and blame others when they fail. As for the man hating, you get out what you put in. When I'm in the club and a girl asks "can u teach me how to dougie?", I ask " are you willing to learn?"

    1. lol – don't forget grass cutting and snow shoveling. And for goodness sake, somebody has to get my blender down from the top cupboard. These margaritas aren't gonna make themselves!

      1. LOL! Snow shoveling I can do, and being 5'3 1/2 I have become quite avid at climbing whatever it is I have to climb to get stuff from that top shelf. But that spider struggle is painfully REAL! I have been known to make phone calls just to get someone to come handle that situation. #NotmeNotnowNotEver.

        1. "But that spider struggle is painfully REAL! I have been known to make phone calls just to get someone to come handle that situation"

          Ha! this remembers me of sometime last month when I had to get rid of a wall gecko. I thought about calling – and actually did call but hung up lol. Like how do you say "Can you please drive over to my place @ 11p to help get rid of a gecko?" and still have any kind of self-respect or pride left over lol. I was scared out of my mind, but I did it without help:D

  25. If i could rewrite this post, I'd simply say the following:

    1) If you’ve made a conscious decision to stop dating Black women, continuing to critique and bash them is asinine.

    2) Have you seen the blind defense of men in the face of malfeasance?

    A person is a hoe

    male= normal, these chicks fast, its a phase

    female = actual whore for whatever reason

    A person is a cheater

    male = normal, seduced…these chicks fast, his girl/wife not handling business

    female = trifling…, should have tried to work it out with her man/husband 1st

    A person is a liar

    male = it was necessary to keep the peace

    female = expects a mind reader, trifling, she may be a whore

    A person gets laid off

    male = hard times, at least he had a job

    female = was probably a bitch

    3) In order to skirt the issue of away from “male privilege” real experiences of it will continue to be ignored at worst and trivialized at best.

    signed,

    a good-father having, present day man-lover 🙂

  26. I don't feel like arguing, but I will say I was proud of the way the women on this blog came to defense of the lady in the letter last week who got pregnant when the guy she cared about left. Far too often I see women degrading one another and attacking each other. So yes, even if we had to find common enemies (the man in the letter and the men attacking her on the comments) in order to defend this lady's character (granted she wasn't here to defend herself), then I'm glad the women on this blog did it.

  27. I guess since its only been in the past year that I've been engaging in blogs I don't pay attention to this. I am still discovering new blogs every week. What I can say is that I have a very close knit group of girlfriends and misandry is just not apart our make up – so I thought. I think it happens on an individual basis in the heat of the moment. Although we've had some bad experiences with men some of us have daddy issues – the underlying factor is that we love men no matter what black men most of all. I think I don't ever like to see myself as a victim so to blame a man is futile at this point in my life. I try to look at myself and what I've allowed.

    In any case this post was great and gave me pause to do a bit of introspection.

  28. Great post, Dr. J.

    Unfortunately, we live in a politically correct society that tries not to offend anybody even when they are offensive themselves. We can't tell the straight up, unadulterated truth without it being construed as bashing. Now I don't have a problem with women stating their grievances about us, but I do have a problem when they use their extremely limited frame of reference and use it to cast a net over all or most of us as being the problem they experience, when so many of their heartbreaks result from dealing with the exact same men themselves. I do have a problem when these same ones pretend to care so much about right and wrong when it comes to what men do, only to purposely do that same thing under the reason that "men did it first" and think they are somehow on the moral high ground. Last I checked, wrong is wrong, especially when people want to bring the Bible into it. I don't know if I can truly call is misandry from some of these women, but I know in some cases, it's pure frustration and confusion, some of it resulting from an inability to control certain men's actions. That's a reason for some of these blogs, and why certain women go buy Steve Harvey and some of these other books that purportedly delve into the male psyche; they aren't trying to understand the men in their lives, they're looking to find ways to make them act right, even if those men don't want to act right.

    *wonders how long it'll take for me to be labeled as a misogynist*

    1. I already knew the comment section wasn't going to be as dramatic as a lot of people seem to have expected, but I almost can't get over how little credit women are sometimes given. I see comments like your last sentence, and I have to wonder…is it that bad? I guess I'll also wait and see how long it'll take for you to be labelled as such, but let's just say it's a good thing I have the month off work & school.

      1. Naija

        Oh it can get that bad, indeed. I know not all women or even most (at least I don't think it's most) are not like that, but I have seen that happen quite a bit. There are some women out here that think if a man fails to worship the ground they walk on, fails to tell them how perfect they are (even though nobody's perfect is what people say), and points out a problem he has with them, then he must hate women (particularly I see some black women do this), he must hate his mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, aunt, the old lady that stays around the corner, the first lady in the church, the church lady that does the fish fry, and the lady that can bake the hell out of a cake.

        (yeah I know the categories after aunt were hyperbole, but you get the point.)

        1. "he must hate his mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, aunt, the old lady that stays around the corner, the first lady in the church, the church lady that does the fish fry, and the lady that can bake the hell out of a cake"

          i never understood with me acknowledging that a woman is a hoe, has to do with generations of women before us, who didn't act like that :/

    2. "I don’t know if I can truly call is misandry from some of these women, but I know in some cases, it’s pure frustration and confusion, some of it resulting from an inability to control certain men’s actions."

      Good point…

    3. "they aren’t trying to understand the men in their lives, they’re looking to find ways to make them act right, even if those men don’t want to act right."

      …sir, that was beautiful.

  29. I'd like to make an observation. I dont think he'll mind me using him as an example but here goes.

    Adonis days some pretty extreme things at times. He gets attacked/checked from both sides, meaning the guys step in also.

    I have rarely seen females do this. They usually deflect in order to place blame on men our silently nod in agreement.

    Like Streetz said, lets stick to the topic at hand without the deflection. Both sides can be discussed independently

    1. Yea but…when do you ever see women saying anything quite as outrageous as Adonis?

      And that's not entirely true. I know on the "hyphen-last name" post women commented on other women who said they wouldn't take their husband's last name because of silly reasons like "his name is ugly."

      And when someone says anything completely outlandish and it doesn't add anything of substance, I typically ignore it, whether it's from a male or female. I figure most women are doing the same.

      1. "And that’s not entirely true. I know on the “hyphen-last name” post women commented on other women who said they wouldn’t take their husband’s last name because of silly reasons like “his name is ugly.”

        And as i recollect that comment got about 20 something likes … Would've loved to see of those comments associated with the liking of that comment rather than just a thumbs up.

        1. And 20 something didn't. You gotta remember, 20+ likes on this site is QUITE a few for a given post … I'm positive this blog gets alot of traffic from lurkers also, but comments that get that many likes from discussions past meant something.

        2. Okay, so you don't give any credit to the few women who disagreed with her? You were saying that women don't step it up when other women say something outlandish, you said we deflect. I'm showing you that sometimes we do step up. And you're simply brushing that off? And those "20+" likes may have come from both men and women, we'll never know. But you can't just ignore the noble few just because you didn't like the majority's reaction. Give us some credit.

        3. *Falls back thru The hyphen thread*

          I was very much engaged in that conversation that day and there were 2 women that said they don't agree and the other women kinda piggy-backed off Teflon Mom's comment. The only person that said that statement was truly inflammatory was me. I was just surprised how much love it got (and let's be real, No man would've liked that comment). And those few weren't noble IMO, that was a blatantly outlandish comment. Adonis says that ish and he'll get a million thumbs down w/ no thumbs up (by men and women), why couldn't her comment be any different. I just think u used a poor example for women standing against asinine comments by other women. Indeed it does happen tho.

        4. @Keona and Top5DOA:

          Afterthekiss says:

          July 20, 2011 at 12:08 am

          Maybe its just me but if his last name doesn’t complement my first name, then I don’t want it…I know thats shallow but if u got to live with it u may as well want it to sound right.

          I remember this comment and I also remember a whole lot of "Red" thumbs downs following it, now it's fair to say we can't determine who were the nay-sayers (men or women) but alot of females did disagree with this statement — including myself.

        5. I remember that post. Honestly I'm glad she got checked but from my experience it's the exception and not the rule. I've seen plenty of women just cosign some stupid behavior by their girls like property destruction and basic criminal behavior…all over some dude. And these are adults.

          If it's okay for you to do stupid stuff it's okay for me to smash your friend in the bathroom at your house during a bbq.

          Granted I'm out the dating scene, some women only underatand extremes…when they do them. Flip the script and you a bum dude for doing so.

      1. @Teflon Mom

        yes women have a way with words, we can use them to love you up or cut you deep.

        But lets not forget men bash too, it might not always be with words, to me its more with actions. A women male bashing attutidese only blocks her blessing as far as finding the man she always wanted. When a man women bashing actions ( ie: cheating, screaming money over hoes, being a player, treating women like garbage) come to light while he mihgt lose some good women in the mix he some how never comes up short in most cases , he always has a body to lay next to somewhere out there

    2. I think for some reason it's expected for men to police other men, despite whether they actually know each other or not. IMO, girls/women are socialized to only police the women they know. Why? I'm not sure, most likely to avoid conflict and being labelled what would now be called a hater.

      1. That is one of the fundamental differences between how men and women are socialized. Men don't get in other men's business and treat what they do as their own business. We aren't going to tell other men how to handle their own house and run their own lives. Truth be told, some women do a piss poor job of policing the women they do know, and it's not just to avoid conflict, because sometimes they're just alike so there is no conflict when everybody's of like mind. Birds of a feather, ma'am. Sometimes they won't say anything because they don't see the problem themselves.

        1. "Truth be told, some women do a piss poor job of policing the women they do know, and it’s not just to avoid conflict, because sometimes they’re just alike so there is no conflict when everybody’s of like mind. Birds of a feather, ma’am. Sometimes they won’t say anything because they don’t see the problem themselves."

          Paul…you are on FIRE

  30. To piggy back off of what Adonis has been preaching for quite some time, a lot of the issues women have with men are based upon sour dealings with less than suitable men. I'm a man and I've grown up with guys all my life and there are quite a few guys out here that aren't the move, but women use these men to help build themselves and hopefully use the changed man as a badge of honor … The "I stood by you and made you who you are" types, needless to say in the end it more than not ends up in him continuing to be himself and in the process doing the woman wrong or in the case of dude last week, didn't own up to his heart and get serious with ol' girl, hence why she got knocked up by study friend.

    You made your bed, now lie in it. Guys are in far less denial when it relates to dealing with women that don't do it for us anymore, but we'll admit it and keep her, where as women won't admit how foul dude is and then bash him once it's finally over. It's crazy that it takes a woman having to walk into her man backstroking inside a room full of azz for her to get a clue.

    Don't hate men for your inadequacies in choosing a suitable mate. Of course ur gonna run into some duds, but if you're single right now, 100% of your previous relationships didn't work out. Nobody's perfect. Accept responsibility. *Word to the ladies and the fellas here*

    1. Top5DOA and Adonis’s relationship with this right here comment is similar to Wu Tang Clan. There’s many ways to skin a cat, or drop a verse. But they can all be hits.

  31. J, you made some very valid points throughout the post..and I agree with many of them…I have loved and hated men throughout my lfietime and I confess to it…but, I was able to come to terms with mines…many women aren't yet able to do that…in order to come to terms with something..you have to be willing to dig deep within yourself and see where it orginates from, and for many women that is a very daunting task.

  32. Am I the only one who thinks the pic is cute and funny? No? Ok. *puts down pebble*

    I see your point, but my overall feeling is….eh. Women aren't united enough to make life for men all that difficult. For every "Ni**as ain't shyt!" rant you see on the internet, there's a rush of replies telling the writer that she sounds angry and desperate/is ghetto as hell/etc. For every woman that says she expects men to pay there are women jumping out of their seats waving wallets. For every woman that says hold out on sex there's another calling her Cobweb Draws and giving dome lessons at happy hour. The real issue is not that women are mean to men, it's that women are mean period. LOL – I don't know what to tell you, women are usually more gifted in the tongue lashing department.

    Straight women are in competition with each other for the attention and affection of men. And trust, that competition is FIERCE. That's why we have this so-called Spartan movement. But before they were "Spartans" they were just ruthless ass women, lol. When you see a woman really going in on men, you can put your next paycheck up that it's because she's squeezed herself into uncomfortable clothing, feet hobbled with stilletos, got burnt playing Betty Crocker, jaw locked up from you-know-what, played her bestie to the left and STILL lost at love. She did everything she thought men liked and is ran through, tired, hungry and alone. We know it's not right, but aren't you glad she's expressing herself freely? That way you know to stay the hell away from her!

    I figured out a long time ago to stop listening to men. Quite frankly, y'all have lead a lot of women down the path of destruction, lol. And you know what? Y'all should probably stop listening to us as well. Because we don't know what the fug we want. We know what we THINK we want, but sometimes that's not what resonates with our hearts…or our panties. That's why both men and women end up scratching their heads, wondering why folks who should be on the "do not date" list stay winning.

    All that said, this is why I think y'all should shake some stuff off: Because you're men. You're leaders. If a chick is poppin' off you – more than anyone else – has the ability to lead her in the right direction. If not, leave that lonely hoe alone, lol.

    1. "I figured out a long time ago to stop listening to men. Quite frankly, y’all have lead a lot of women down the path of destruction, lol. And you know what? Y’all should probably stop listening to us as well. Because we don’t know what the fug we want. We know what we THINK we want, but sometimes that’s not what resonates with our hearts…or our panties. That’s why both men and women end up scratching their heads, wondering why folks who should be on the “do not date” list stay winning.

      All that said, this is why I think y’all should shake some stuff off: Because you’re men. You’re leaders. If a chick is poppin’ off you – more than anyone else – has the ability to lead her in the right direction. If not, leave that lonely hoe alone, lol."

      I LOVE this comment…lol. Cosign 100%

      1. Love this! That's why I was so happy to see women on this blog defending the pregnant chick in the letter. Women are so busy tearing eachother apart, it's a sweet surprise to see us building eachother up.

    2. "I figured out a long time ago to stop listening to men. "

      that too. I've said that years ago, and I think you have too as long as I've e-known ya, Tef.

    3. Teflon I already defined what Spartan is… Spartan just means not passive. I've never dated a woman who wasn't Spartan but that don't make them ruthless. I'm sorry to be honest with y'all but i'm a catch, I don't like to sit still and i'm not trying to do a WHOLE bunch of work. Women who date me always have to find a way to sit me down, slow me down and keep me in one place. That isn't ruthless, it's just not passive. I would love for our women to be like lionesses in the wild and just lay there waiting for a man to come by. But I like my lionesses like Nala, SPARTAN, she went and got her man.

      1. My introduction to Spartan was a post on NC 17's spot talking bout how to take someone's man and kicking bishes in the chest. If you were floating that around before and he twisted the meaning I'll go with your definition. If not I'm going with his. Or I'll wait to see it in on urbandictionary.com. Just sayin'.

        So I take it that you agree with everything else I wrote. Great, we're on the same page!

  33. I love (some) men. I hate (some) men. I wish I could be indifferent, but I'm just too passionate about people and life in general. its a gift and a curse. I don't defend women blindly, I actually used to be the type to really not care about solidarity but I do think there is a code, and women that don't at least acknowledge it, I don't really eff with. Stupid ish is stupid ish however and I can't really defend stupidity. But love makes ya do some crazy things, I will say that. I read this post and the soundtrack in my head was " A Thin Line Between Love and Hate."

    the sweetest woman in the world, can be the meanest woman in the world… if you make her that way. At times I've been made that way. *shrugs*

    I really have nothing bad to say about this post though, its true for many…

  34. I appreciate Queen for her honesty.

    Somebody remixed the post to be about men using my points, please chill. When women need to turn tables all the time its a sign they have no ability to defend themselves.

    I don't think its wrong to defend women, I said "blind" defense. Sometimes you women defend women without even acknowledging she is clearly wrong. You guys stick together like a pack of wolves.

    I'm in Alabama with no internet access. My replies will come around 5 eastern time. Thanks to all who holding me down right now.

    Adonis is Lil B. And I don't mean any disrespect by that.

    If ya want me to list some blogs that are flying wombats of male bashing, email me and when I'm tipsy at hh I'll probably divulge.

    This post was originally 2400 words and I edited it for time and content. Let me know if anyone wants the whole version. I can put it on the Book.

    Be back later and again thanks for the great conversation. This is a pleasant break during my busy day.

      1. Animate,

        Oh nah I'm on the client site, so I ain't trying to plug in and get escorted out in cuffs. I'm warming up to the place, too bad i'll be leaving when I finally get my bearings.

    1. That was me…and I don't and don't need to turn the tables *all* the time. Just this time. lol. I felt in my hearts of hearts that a real defense wasn't warranted but don't let that misguide you into believing I am incapable of defending myself.

    2. @Dr J

      It is all love… I will be looking up "Lil B"

      It's funny , cause my dad (we need to do a paternity, but no worries) is living in Alabama right now… He owns land down there… And I was considering staying with him for awhile… And I figure the women have a totally different swag then they do up here in the NE…

      1. I'll save you the trouble Adonis…

        Lil' B is a rapper out of Cali who is notorious for his horrible raps. But in reality, the kid is a genius. If you listen to his early material he can rap. He's doing it now on purpose because people will listen just to see what ridiculous ish he has to say. But he laces it with a few truths and then he says something over the top. But it's a science to it. He's not a bad rapper, he's a person who is intentionally doing what he's doing and nobody is peeping it.

  35. Most of the comments are so full of generalizations they're not even worth the read. No one seems to be remarking on anything from the post itself.

    However… Dr. Jay's post #classic

    "A chick gets in a car accident. It’s because the roads were designed by men." ~ hilarious.

    1. This is probably the second best comment ( Most's comment earlier @ adonis is #1). Dr. J is talking about a very specific phenomenon, and people (both male and female) have turned into this an opportunity to whine about their grievances with the opposite sex. Dr. J did not generalize, he was very specific, but majority of these comments are gross generalizes about female behavior.

    2. Because we’re too busy dealing with the flipped script in the comment section. Dr. Jay’s post is full-proof. Nothing not to co-sign, but on the other hand the comment section is all but full-proof, which is where the generalizations and deviation from the original post come from.

  36. I wish we could have a real life panel or blog radio discussion about this topic! I'll be in the corner snickering. No. actually I'll be in the corner lmao. haha.

  37. Honestly, I don't know where any of these so called Men Hating Bitter Becky's congregate so I will enjoy lurking while laughing my azz of today.

    Good Post though.

  38. This is a good post. I agree with you in some aspects. Women often bash men collectively–when we've been hurt or raised in such manners, we lash out about men. We apply one man's actions to all men, regardless if it's good or bad. Our rationale sometimes seems irrational. The world isn't fair.

    However, there are many situations where we women have experienced "a series of unfortunate events." Those experiences become our reality and we put up protections from hurts via our writing, interactions and sometimes hurtful words. I think a lot of the pain and lashing out comes from the failure or absence from protection from men (protection whether it's physical or not). Even the most independent woman expects to be protected by men, but unfortunately, many of us women have been hurt by our "protectors," It's easy to bask in pain than to make a conscious effort to let it go. Where as most men are socially designed to "let it go," we are taught that our feelings matter and the whole world should succumb to whatever makes us feel better.

    I agree, we often do not take full responsibility for the pain we've allowed or the lifestyles we chose; however, please acknowledge the validity that some man was probably the reason or catalyst of such behaviors. This post minimizes the burdens that women carry, and does not convey the whole story. It spells out the fight without describing who threw the first punch.

    As for me, I like men, but I've consciously decided not to make men my first priority. I do things because I like to do them; I love people because I want to love them. I'm who I am because I choose to be. I think we as people do too many things due to external factors (including the opposite gender), and not grounded in our true desires. I believe women often find shame in getting hurt or played or not loved, and make it so personal instead of accepting it as factors of life. We have to live a life that accepts who are and what we want, and not based on what has been done to us.

    Really good post- I could go on about this forever, but I'll stop here. 🙂

  39. I love everybody! I hate lies and dumb stuff from anyone. However, I def admit that some woman do behave as Dr. J described. But, any man that I've "hated", I hated because of his actions alone…not because I hated men.

    I'm sensitive to the plights of women and men. I can feel where both sides are coming from in most instances. The only thing that gets me riled up is when folks blindly defend foolishness on either side. #teamaccountability

    I happen to agree with Adonis (my heavens) in regards to his opinion that gender roles are still essential in todays society as it relates to male/female relationships. However, I believe that both women AND MEN are contributing to the extinction of "gender roles"…and this is having a HORRIBLE effect on modern-day relationships…and its essentially why there are so many differing opinions regarding who's right or wrong when it come to conflictive male-female encounters. No one is adhering to any one code. Some women act like they don't need a man and some men act like they shouldn't aspire to take care of a woman. Some woman act like they shouldn't let the man take the lead in the home and some men act like they prefer that the woman take the lead in the home. Woman are at fault for putting up with ratchet men. Men are at fault for taking advantage of these broken women. This "it's your thing…do what you wanna do" attitude in todays culture is just…dangerous, IMO.

    Imagine how wonderful the world of relationships would be if both men and women played their position and played it with integrity.

    1. Imagine how wonderful the world of relationships would be if both men and women played their position and played it with integrity.

      Yo cy…

      And what are those "positions" you speak of? One of the great parts of being human is being about to define your position at runtime instead of compile time. Granted, it may take some work and you may miss the mark, but relationships are dynamic. Don't you think that all the "positions" and relative stuffs should be dynamic too?

      I'll go one step farther and say that a HUGE reason for the extinction of "gender roles" is itself. Gender roles in our history are self modifying. It basically ate itself… Why? Because the platform those roles stood upon were self destructive. The condition of our community isn't in a vacuum. We have the positive and negative effects of the existence and slow break down of those roles.

      The assigning of "gender roles" for the sake of having a perception of things being easy is not the move. So much hurt goes on b/c everyone is so hush-hush about what is going on inside them. There's this idea that communication destroys the organic "feel" of a develop relationship. Communication destroys the mood or organic "feel" of a developing relationship as much as reaching for a condom destroys the mood.

      1. @MeteroMan

        I agree with your part about postions but Im a little confussed about the gender role thing.

        "Why? Because the platform those roles stood upon were self destructive."

        I only feel they become self destructive when we put a heavy emphasis on them and when the people we put into those gender roles don’t live up to our expectations. Plus it seems like the more we blend the gender lines the more confused the sexes get about where their spot is. Early in this post we talked about equality in relationships and how it has kind of lead to women feeling like those special privileges they received when they played their gender role position are now being lost.

        1. Why would your sex determine where the line lies for you? Aren't we all different in different relationships? Clearly our base characteristics don't change, but even ignoring the accumulative effect of experience, don't we adapt to the person/situation we're in?

          I agree the privileges of gender roles are being lost with "relationship equality" though that doesn't have to have a negative connotation. The itemized list of "special privileges" are only side-effects of gender roles. Also, the actions themselves can be disjoint to traditional gender roles. There can be relationship equality when people are "treating" each other in the ways they want to be treated. The privileges to being in a committed relationship should eclipse any perceived notion of privilege due to gender roles.

          If some women are upset, then that just means that they "feel" they will be treated less special. That's not what men (and some women) are saying.

      2. S'up, Meteor Man! I've been missing your insight around here…where've you been???

        To clarify though…I believe that what you want out of life determines your actions. In the context of this conversation, I want to be a wife. Divorce has not thwarted my desire to be married. I'm not a career girlfriend/FWB/etc. Therefore, I conduct myself like that's the position I want. So, regarding your specific question, the position I'm really speaking of is that of a wife, and in my eyes, that's gender specific.

        Let me also say that my being domesticated is a skill that I've acquired to survive and for the sake of my dear children…I'm not domesticated by nature (cooking, laundry, etc.), lol. I'm also very opinionated and confrontational. So, when I talk about roles and positions, I'm not saying "a woman's place is in the kitchen", lol. Or, that women should be seen and not heard. I HOPE my future husband prefers to cook (Jesus, make it so!!!!!), lol. Relationships are dynamic, yes…so you should adjust certain aspects to fit your situation, absolutely. HOWEVER, based on genetics….when it comes to family life, I think men were designed, created, etc. to LEAD…PERIOD. And I don't look at that as limiting my ability as a woman or a wife. I don't think that makes me weak at all. I think a loving Husband/man in a relationship will value his wife's happiness/opinion/etc., he'll also make decisions with his wife, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. But, at the core of it, she respects him as the head of the family and he values her as "the neck" #mybigfatgreekwedding, lol. I also believe that no man refuses "a lady"…and ladies do differ. But, we all know when we're dealing with "a lady" and when we're not.

        I'm not sure if I've ever come across any successful marriage where this dynamic is not in tact. And, truth be told, most (not all) women want to be married. But, they'll forever be #losing not conducting themselves as women who are worthy of that title from the jump and the same goes for men.

        Honestly, part of the reason that I opted not to work through my marital difficulties was that no matter how I tried to slice it, he was not the right man to lead me. I would never be able to submit to his leadership due to personality differences. As much as I'd like to say he was a bad guy, he really isn't (…admitting that made me nauseous). But, my strong personality needs someone who is very self-assured…and that's not his nature. He needs a lot of external reassurance…and my personality isn't designed to respect that, lol. And, my lack of respect fueled A LOT of our problems…I can admit that. So, moving forward, I know what to look for in order for me to have a working dynamic.

        I hope that made sense, lol…

        1. Cy, Thanks for the break down. I can rock with 99% of what you said. The role you play as in your general behavior in a dynamic is your choice. You see… I have no problem with the idea of two people choosing roles (regardless of if they match up with the "traditional" or not) and making it work.

          That little 1% is:

          HOWEVER, based on genetics….when it comes to family life, I think men were designed, created, etc. to LEAD…PERIOD.

          Based on genetics, men are designed to fertilize eggs. Society is what imposes (and how it imposes is what is giving us these problems) rules and exceptions on the nature of a certain gender. Otherwise, if any man wasn't ruling over every woman then he'll be considered oppressed. Granted, some guys would be DE-pressed, though if I had a woman president, I wouldn't feel any oppression outside of the black folks "struggle" aspect of this society. In various ways, men throughout history simply desired to rule over everything: entire countries, business, animals, this of course includes their families. As you already know, I have a problem with the idea that my genetics determining anything outside of my biological processes. So I would say that the desire of men to lead a family is a side-effect of the drive of men to rule over everything and NOT due to genetics.

          Our paths are different, but we still meet up though. *daps*

        2. I def understand your logic…though I still disgree on the whole genetics thing, lol. But, I can see how you formed your opinion. I can respect your truth.

          Hardly anything works when there are two chiefs, lol. Someone must take the lead. And, I believe that a woman's desire to be protected is instinctive. How are you gonna instinctively desire to be protected and not naturally defer to the protector???? I think bucking this instinct is a result of societal ills…

    2. "Woman are at fault for putting up with ratchet men. Men are at fault for taking advantage of these broken women. This “it’s your thing…do what you wanna do” attitude in todays culture is just…dangerous, IMO."

      Whew… say THAT!!!

    3. *Kicks CO's nice ass in the shins*

      Different strokes for different folks. I think a whole lot more women and men are comfortable in more traditional roles, but there has to be room for progress. For example: I enjoy cooking and serving my man a meal. But if my boss decided my greatest asset to the organization was making coffee and serving cookies, someone would get burnt Al Green style.

      Girl, you know an angel lost its wings when you agreed with Adonis. The last time I agreed with him I fell on the floor and had a grand mal seizure. Just sayin'.

      1. LOL @ Tef…

        The details of how you run your day-to-day affairs within your relationship are def different for each couple…and should be. But, at the foundation, if the order is not Husband, Wife, Children or God, Husband, Wife, Children then everything else, you've built your house on sand.

        I'm not talking gender roles at the office or anything, lol. I'm talking about within the family. "The family" directly influences what happens in our world. And, if you've watched the news lately, you know we've got some work to do in our families.

        I'll tell you one thing though…I don't take out trash when there's a man around. That is a man's job!!!!! I don't care what anyone says…yes, I'm too good to touch it, lol…

        1. "But, at the foundation, if the order is not Husband, Wife, Children or God, Husband, Wife, Children then everything else, you’ve built your house on sand"

          You better say it!

          God had that chain of leadership planned out for a reason. Too may people trying to divert from the natural order of things that HE has arranged. As the good book says "It is not up to man to direct his step"

  40. I will put it out there and say I am probably coming from a place of female bias, but I never recognized the female blogosphere to be male bashing, I honestly saw it as truth telling. The truth is, a significant amount of black men aren't really about isht. I think overall, the black male community is in dire straits, in part due to a lack of leadership and lack of willingness to take each other to task. Looking across the boards, statistically wise, black men are trailing behind black women, yes even in marriage rates (but the media won't highlight that fact). So, by telling black women they need to drop the Cosby-esque black love fantasy and look outside their race for love and the treatment they deserve, or calling out black male behavior for what it is, I don't think black women at bashing black men, I think they're trying to enlighten and save themselves…

    As a woman, I appreciate their efforts, as my lack of tolerance for BS has substantially improved my dating life lol

    1. If you seriously believe the majority of men aint ish then you have bigger problems. To correct the things you mentioned it will take effort from both sides. I can raise my future son "correctly" when it comes to women but if women dont do their part with the daughters nothing will truly change.

      Just like you dont see black males taking each other to task I dont see females doing it either. Both sides want the other to conform when they shouldn't

    2. @Lady

      The truth is, a significant amount of black men aren’t really about isht

      I totally agree, I am glad you said it…

      Wait for it…

      Now, WHY DO BLACK WOMEN (educated & uneducated) ALLOW THESE "aren’t really about isht" men penetrate them… & ultimately impregnate them… (That is the million dollar question, men & women like myself keep asking…),

      You even got white women who mess with deadbeat black men & allow similar behavior, & white men are p*ssed about it I know because I read & comment on racist blogs too… , women keep rewarding bad behavior from these "aren't really about isht" men…)

      black men are trailing behind black women, yes even in marriage rates (but the media won’t highlight that fact)

      Bad argument… Why wouldn't (black) women get married more than (black) men… (Black) Women have FAR more to gain from marriage these days than (black) men… I will always take a (black) woman to task for criticizing me or unmarried (black) men about marrying in Western societies…

      Oprah & women like her are the only women I would give a ring to (hopefully no pre-nup… 🙂 )

      Oh, and for the record, we have Gay Marriage in New York State, now WOMEN really have no excuse for being unmarried, you have each other now… 🙂

      By the way, I am all for black women dating non-black men… I ROOT for the rainbeau lovers out there (most black women aren't girlfriend/wifey material)…

      I wish non-black men felt the same about you… (Keep in mind BM are the most likely to tolerate BW bad behavior, even AFRICAN men are more patriarchal then African American BM by a MILE…)

      BW can't come into foreign community with their stereotypical behaviors…

      I am happy that your dating life is on the right track… That is the way it should be…

      Enjoy…

      1. (most black women aren’t girlfriend/wifey material)…

        *sigh*…

        Adonis… you have me… and then you lose me…

        1. @Thereluctantsocialite.com

          I am just giving you my perspective… When I say most, I say 80%… Stick with me here… & I know it makes BW mad when I say it… but it needs to be said… BM marriage material is irrelevant because BM don't care much about matrimony & are living well co-habitating… BW aren't

          – Femininity is not there… (not pleasant, not submissive, not maximizing)

          – A lot of BW don't want to led by a strong man long-term… (but will happily sleep with an imposter)

          – Children, weight, & body count matter…

          Where is our disconnect coming from…

          Also, I understand that women cannot change the fact that they have children & they slept with a lot of men…

          But that still leaves weight & femininity… & if you have some psychological issues that are driving you to have more s*x than you would like… I am sure you can afford a therapist to work through the Daddy issues…

          Because regardless what I say, BM still want to marry & date BW & will over a myriad of faults if BW at least make his experience, a pleasurable one…

          Where am I losing you sweetheart…?

          SSTTE

        2. sigh…

          Because I think that you sometimes have valid points, but you throw people off in the presentation.

          Above, LADY said "I think overall, the black male community is in dire straits, in part due to a lack of leadership and lack of willingness to take each other to task." Now… there was some truth in what she said, right? But because she prefaced that with "a significant amount of black men aren’t really about isht.”, nobody was really trying to hear what she had to say.

          You don't know "most" black women. So who are you to say that "most" black women aren’t girlfriend/wifey material? Yes SOME black women make poor choices when it comes to deciding who they should choose as a mate, but that doesn't mean that they aren't good people or that they aren't girlfriend/wifey material. And it doesn't mean that ALL black women make those same poor choices.

          I'm not sure if you care or not… but I just think that if you would think about how your coming off in your comments before you write them, you just might get people to understand where you're coming from. And in fact, thats what we're here for, right? To share opinions… get different perspectives…etc.

          Like I said… I think you have some valid points… I don't think you communicate those point effectively, and I think people write off your comments before they even read them. Which is unfortunate because I think a lot of times you add an interesting perspective to the conversation.

          However… I know I'm not the first person to tell you this… and I'm sure I probably won't be the last…

        3. @TheReluctantSocialite

          Thanks for staying with me… If I lose you between here & the end of this message, it was probably by design… or for fun… idk…

          Because I think that you sometimes have valid points, but you throw people off in the presentation.

          I enjoy doing that… I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it…

          Above, LADY said “I think overall, the black male community is in dire straits, in part due to a lack of leadership and lack of willingness to take each other to task.” Now… there was some truth in what she said, right? But because she prefaced that with “a significant amount of black men aren’t really about isht.”, nobody was really trying to hear what she had to say.

          Actually I heard her clearly, and I AGREED with her assertion… I never fight women on their opinion that alot of BM ain't shit, because i see what they see…

          But the elephant in the room… Is the fact that a lot of BW go out of their way to entertain these men (in their dating prime), and only come to a guy like me, after she has kids & her best years are behind her… I am not the only EBM who is saying this…

          You don’t know “most” black women. So who are you to say that “most” black women aren’t girlfriend/wifey material? Yes SOME black women make poor choices when it comes to deciding who they should choose as a mate, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t good people or that they aren’t girlfriend/wifey material.

          This is where it gets dicey… So, I need you here… Take my opinion out of this…

          Who defines "wifey" material…? The "women" or the "men who is giving the love of his life the ring, and has certain expectations of said woman"

          And ask any honest man what his expectations of a wife his… And with a high level of certainty it will correlate with my opinion of wifey material is…

          I don't care if a black woman is a good person… That doesn't always translate as a wife… But you get my point…

          And it doesn’t mean that ALL black women make those same poor choices.

          I love this one… Now… just about every woman I have ever has a conversation with, eStreets or IRL, as had at least one man in her life that she has regret dating…

          You don't realize how prevalent women who love entertaining Spectacular A$$holes, and it is more intense in the BC… We will agree to disagree here….

          And you can do the same exercise & there are a very few women who make good consistent dating choices… (Usually women with strong loving male leadership in their lives…)

          I’m not sure if you care or not… but I just think that if you would think about how your coming off in your comments before you write them, you just might get people to understand where you’re coming from. And in fact, thats what we’re here for, right? To share opinions… get different perspectives…etc.

          Like I said… I think you have some valid points… I don’t think you communicate those point effectively, and I think people write off your comments before they even read them. Which is unfortunate because I think a lot of times you add an interesting perspective to the conversation.

          However… I know I’m not the first person to tell you this… and I’m sure I probably won’t be the last…

          I should care more how I am coming across, but I don't… We'll get there…

          Enjoy….

          SSTTE

        4. "Who defines “wifey” material…? The “women” or the “men who is giving the love of his life the ring, and has certain expectations of said woman”

          Sweetie… of COURSE men decide. That was not my point. MY point was that you don't know "MOST WOMEN" in order for you to determine what they are or aren't capable of. You were making an unfair generalization. That was my issue. Not who decides if someone is wifey material or not.

        5. "Who defines "wifey" material…? The "women" or the "men who is giving the love of his life the ring, and has certain expectations of said woman"

          This touched my soul!

    3. "The truth is, a significant amount of black men aren’t really about isht."

      UNTRUE.

      You don't know all black men to be able to make a statement like that. If they majority of black men you hang around with aren't about ish… then maybe you need to change the black men that you hang out with. I know plenty of AMAZING black men.

      If a black man would have made this same comment about black women, he would have gotten ethered.

      Comments like yours don't help move the conversation forward or offer any solutions. And its a really rude thing to say…

      1. A "significant amount" is not the same as a "majority," so you're arguing with a straw man.

        Now, when I say the majority of black men aren't really about… isht, was it? — which I often do, that's when you can make your counter-argument. And then I would say "pssssh, liez, here is statistic."

        Sincerely,

        A racist

        1. Significant: of considerable importance, size, or worth

          You don’t know all black men to be able to make a statement like that.If a SIGNIFICANT amount of black men you hang around with aren’t about ish… then maybe you need to change the black men that you hang out with. I know plenty of AMAZING black men.

          Better? Good…

          My point still stands. It was an ignorant and rude comment to make… she doesn't know all the black men n the world in order for her to make the statement that a significant number of them aren't about ish…

          How about you contribute something to the conversation instead of nitpicking about other peoples comments???

          Ugh.

        2. Your definition contradicts your earlier comment. Also, you do not need to know all black men, or even 0.1 percent of black men, to draw statistically significant conclusions. (That is why statistics is a field of study.) Therefore your point doesn't stand.

          I will contribute something else to the conversation when I run out of fatal flaws in your argumentation to point out.

          Lazy thinking — "ugh" indeed.

          PS Malik (below) has the right of it.

      2. *looks at prison and graduation rate for black men*

        I mean unless not having a record and having actually graduated are too high of standards, a significant portion of black are in fact are not about sh!t.

        1. @Malik…

          I used to think that black men aren't ish in my early 20's… then I grew up and realized that it wasn't all black men that ain't ish… it was the ones that I was hanging around. And if I chose to hang out with black men who weren't ish… then maybe I wasn't ish either.

          I chose to change my surroundings, hang out with better people… and now I really can't say that black men ain't ish… because I know TOO many good black men that ARE about their ish.

          Its the same thing when I hear black men talking about how there aren't enough "good" girls out there. I know PLENTY of good girls… so, I have to call bs on that and say that maybe its the women that you hang out with that are causing you to feel that way.

          Now that's not to say that a good person will always make a great mate… but just because they are compatible with you doesn't devalue them. However I think its completely counter productive to this conversation and in fact, UNTRUE to go around making such a broad generalizations as "black men ain't ish".

        2. Malik I've never been so glad to see your particular brand of honesty…I stayed out of this discussion because it took a left real quick, but I'm so glad you said it. Are we really going to pretend that there is no issue with Black Men and achievement?? (( o_O))

      3. Socialite, you don't know me to make any sort of statement about the men I chill with. Just because you can't refute my argument doesn't mean you have to make it personal. Just because you know some good black men doesn't mean that everybody does. I mean…. I figured that out,

        I could run down my resume but I'm not cuz that's dumb. But I'm pretty sure I'm sh*ttin on most of ya'll.

        1. I stand by my opinion. I think you talking about how black men ain't ish is counterproductive and doesn't help push the conversation forward or even encourage most men to continue the conversation with you.

          My point is that instead of complaining about the sh*tty black men you "may or may not" hang out with (I mean… I know I don’t know you to make any sort of statement about the men you chill with… but you're still complaining, soooo… I can only assume), if you have a problem with them… the why don't you change the people that you surround yourself with? You are a prime example of what the guys are talking about. Apparently, your resume is so dope that you're sh*tting on all of us… but even as dope as you are, you still "may or may not" be choosing to continue to hang out with sh*tty black men??? I just don't understand…

          Instead of complaining, change the people hang out with and associate with better people. Maybe then you wouldn't make such disparaging comments as "a significant amount of black men ain't ish". That ish is rude as hell…

          Just saying… the way that you say things make a difference. If you had said " a significant number of black men that I know ain't about ish", then I couldn't argue with you, because I don't know you and who you hang out with. But when you say a significant amount of black men in general aren't about ish… I take offense to that. I know too many good black men for that to be true.

          Lol… and OK about you bringing up your resume. Not sure what that has to do with anything. Actually, its probably worse you're THAT dope and still "may or may not be" hanging out with busters… but whatever makes you feel better… 🙂

    4. This is where it takes a joint effort. As a man striving to be better, it makes no sense for me to take a young man to task for the way he presents himself, the way treats women and the kind of man he is when, in spite of all that I say to him, there's some women who don't expect any better from him and they still get with him. Their actions have outright destroyed what I just tried to impart to him. I (along with other black men) can only tell other black men so much, but without the manifestation of the women backing up what we say, it's falling on deaf ears. No I'm not placing the blame on women, but I'm saying women play an integral role in instituting the change they claim they want to see in men.

      The thing is it's hard enough to take men to task about their actions, but it's even harder to take them to task about those actions yet those actions are getting the results they want. That's where the danger lies. Rewarding deviant sociopathic behavior creates a Pavlovian response.

      1. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Couldn't have said it better … I've been in environments where just off appearance alone I get no love because i chose to where a suit jacket and a button up and not a polo and a long gold chain and some Nike Air Dunks.

        I'm of the ilk that if a woman can't recognize greatness (Modest much?) then it's not me that has the problem, it's her and therefore her loss. I applaud any woman that can delineate a man of (potential) clout off of appearance and conversation.

        Missing the forest for the trees is much more of an issue than many may think. When we start using less of our ears and use more of our eyes, we'll catch the BS. I almost guarantee that i can talk to 10 women for the next 2 weeks and tell them precisely what they want to hear and be in a relationship with at least 9 of them after those two weeks. But i can take those 10 women out to dinner and on random dates and only be in a relationship with 4 of them thereafter. The mind is easily controlled with the sweet sound of appropriate word choice —–> Con Artists.

      2. @Paul B

        You are so on point. Men like to see how much they can get away with before a woman puts her foot down or starts putting actions behind those consequences that she stated would happen if he acts out of order. Even if a guy comes from a home with a great dad and mom, where he sees them loving each other and treating each other as equals, it's not going to guarantee that he won’t act like a a33hole especially if he's dealing with women who will put up and defend his behavior (ie: feed him and F8k him)

        I feel like some male bashing comes from women who tried to change a man who she shouldn’t have been with in the first place. It's like when you get frustrated with a puzzle so then you just shove it off the table.

      3. Paul, if I could, I'd give you a teary-eyed hug.

        I wish this could be dropped in every woman's email account on the planet.

        Nevermind. It probably wouldn't make a difference anyway, lol. In this "Imma get mine…and yours too" world we live in, I can't see this helping…

        Smh…

        1. In all seriousness, the only way it can make a difference is if men and women stop incorrectly identifying the enemy. Men, women are not our enemy. Women, men are not your enemy. Trifling, selfish, manipulative, deceptive men and women are the enemy. Know yourself and your enemy before you call yourself stepping onto the battlefield. Friendly fire is responsible for more damage than the actual enemy fire here. Imagine what we could do if we actually tried to get on the same page for once.

    5. You sound like a woman scorned. I roll with a bunch of stand up guys who laugh at foolish women like yourself. You picking your men based on rims and waves and mad you got the clap. Grow up cuz you're a walking statistic waiting to happen.

      1. LOL! I completely missed this! You don't know even know me! I make one comment and now I got the clap? I don't even know any guys with rims and I thought waves went out a long time ago??? LOL

      1. Umm…. but I have Jesus. I've been a born again Christian for more than a decade now lol.

        I don't even know what aspect of my post implies that I'm an agent of the devil? Reach much? LOL

        I've been pretty busy with studying so I didn't get a chance to engage in the discussion today, I wish I had come back earlier, people had some…. interesting things to say. I stand by my comment, and the STATS stand behind me too!

      1. Because the post was talking about why women "hate" men, and given the race of the blogger and most of his readership, I assumed he was talking about black people.

  41. You can't be an insecure, naive woman and expect to get saved by somebody who's way better than you. You are going to attract the type of people that YOU are. Make some changes in your life, make some changes within yourself and then maybe you'll get some better people around you. You're going to get the type of person that you are.

    Wow I can't believe some of the garbage that's being posted in the comments. This just shows the lack of self awareness that many people have. Why would I deal with a girl with such a terrible attitude about men? Baggage is a sign of weakness. Sounds like some people need standards on here. Not for men but for yourself as a woman. You get caught up in relationships with men because you mix emotion with the truth of the situation. Stop complaining about what happened to you in the past and worry about how you're gonna do better with the next person or do better with yourself.

    Half the guys ya'll sleep with you never spoke to on the phone, you just text and swear you know them. Lets have some accountability on here please. So many chicks complaining about worthless dudes but if you're the one messing with all them what does that say about you? I applaud women that take breaks from chasing dudes to get their life together, it shows maturity, but I know for a fact that many people both men and women can't do that. You'll upgrade your selection of the opposite sex when you upgrade your life.

    1. You get caught up in relationships with men because you mix emotion with the truth of the situation.

      So many chicks complaining about worthless dudes but if you’re the one messing with all them what does that say about you?

      I love it all, especially those two parts and this:

      You’ll upgrade your selection of the opposite sex when you upgrade your life.

      To which I would like to add the reminder that they have to upgrade themselves internally also (because I have seen some with top of the line exteriors (looks, career etc) but internally still had the mindset of that girl from two blocks over who all the fellas will knock off (just because) but none will "boo up". Who will drive a man away…and then go Jazmine Sullivan (or even worse, Brandy from A Thin Line) on him after he can't take her ish anymore. Baggage is not just unattractive, sometimes it's downright SCARY!!

  42. Interesting post, Dr. J.

    I think there are black women who hate black men. However, I think most women don't hate black men, but many are routinely disgusted and disappointed by the action or inaction of black men, including black male bloggers. This isn't to put the blame on men, but I think this conversation would benefit from people recognizing and understanding that nothing happens in a vacuum. There is cause and effect, action and reaction. This isn't about deflectiion as much as it is about avoidance, avoidance on both sides. Generally, women lash out more, and men pretend nothing happened. A man will uss the fact that black girls didn't like him in elementary school, never date black women again, and pretend that has nothing to do with his generally negative actions, words, blogs toward black women. Likewise,.a woman will have the same experiences, and take to her blog to lash out every time a black man looks at her wrong. Both people expressing their anger and hurt, both avoiding deeper issues.

    Personally, I think black people in this country should come together, and have a group therapy sesion. I know I sometimes feel anguish and hate toward black men. I don't feel loved or supported in the way we love and support them. The honor and respect isn't there. They join WM, WW, and everyone else in bashing us, and degrading us. And sometimes, I feel justified in my loathing. Then, something happens, and I feel immense pride and love for a specific black man, or a general group of black men, and the hate I felt slowly dissipates. It is what it is…I really wish we could all talk about our feelings of disgust and disappointment we sometimes have for each other, and actually listen to each other instead of avoiding the much deeper issues at hand.

  43. This is the truth. Too bad the overwhelming majority of women won’t understand and continue in their ignorance. You read my mind good brother!

  44. I can't stop laughing… This is too funny…. this has been an ongoing discussion in my house for decades… I can't stop laughing…

  45. I'm not a man hater. And I definitely don't hate men enough to write a blog post about it or even a facebook status. But I will be the first to admit that at times I defend women w/o really knowing what's going on (not in the case of the letter about the pregnant woman and the guy who left and came back, etc). When people I know or even celebrities get divorced my first thought is always did he hit her or cheat on her. Neither? He must have been controlling. I think women need to be honest, we do man bash. How much depends on your maturity, experiences, and social circle.

    Yep, sometimes when I'm ranting with my friends I make all inclusive negative statements about men. This post did make me realize though that I need to make sure that when I'm talking to men or around men that I don't come off bitter or cynical, I do want to marry a man after all!

    1. That’s a good point Camille because so many women find themselves single because they “have to make their point”. Or the fact that men have this opinion that they are always upset about SOMETHING. That’s good. I’m telling you, there is no man out there who wants to argue with chicks for no reason whatsoever. But if you want to argue with him, it will be hard to convince him to marry him.

  46. “A chick is a hoe. It’s her daddy fault.
    A chick is a cheater. It’s her boyfriend/husband fault.
    A chick is a liar. It’s because men can’t handle the truth, they’re too sensitive.
    A chick gets laid off. It’s because of the good old boys club.
    A chick gets in a car accident. It’s because the roads were designed by men”

    Hilarious! I agree, women can do better, but so can men.

  47. Smilez_920 says:

    August 2, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    A lot of adults and parents are bitter about their situations, so they pass that bitterness down the line to their children (especially their daughters) It kills me when I see people under 17 posting statuses like men don’t know how to act, I can do bad all by myself, Miss independent. It’s like you’re not even old enough to understand these concepts, you haven’t even been with a real man yet. But they emulate what they hear their mothers say or other grown women say.

    ——————————————–

    SMILEZ!!! THISSSS!! CO-SIGN, WHOLEHEARTEDLY FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY SOUL!!!! I get sad when I see ppl "bitter by association" Then I get mad at the parent (or influence in general) until I remember misery loves company!!! It sucks but its the truth. I have seen a whole lot of mothers pull there daughters into that negative "all men are the same, they ain't ish etc" mind frame before the girl ever has a chance to see what ANY man is about, good OR bad! Then a good one comes along and her head is so messed up she screws it up pretty much from the start. Yall know the girl I mean. The WHERE WERE YOU (i was at WORK baby) WHO WAS THE B YOU WERE TALKING TOO (my sister babe!) SNEAKING THRU YOUR PHONE & ASKING YOU WHO THE HELL YOU CALLIN "MA" TALKING BOUT I LOVE YOU (ummm my MOTHER?!) WHY YOU ALL SWEATY, LET ME SMELL YOUR PEEN (babe I just came from the gym) type chick….

    I believe there are a lot of man haters who haven't even experienced anything personally. I find that odd *shrug*

    1. Monalisa,

      I applaud you… My ex wife is trying to sell that same message to my daughters… This is why I stay in their lives. They know that I'm a good father and that all men aren't dawgs… My mom used to use those same hurtful words to make my father look bad, but he stay close and we know better for it… He made it clear that all men are not what most women will claim them to be… He told me to just be a father to my kids and they will see the truth… Thanks for your comment…

      1. You are EVER so welcome Clint and I'm always glad to see a good father. See, I speak from experience with that one. My mom could not get ENOUGH of telling us how much my dad sucked, didn't care etc etc etc….and he wasn't a man like you, he didn't stay around and show us any different. I thank God everyday for the common sense He gave me. What REALLY kept me from joining that pity party and being one of those women I described is that………….when he popped up, her treatment of him did NOT match what she was trying to push into MY head. I figured out early that was just anger talking. Then I got more mad with HER for letting the situation continue!

        I'm happy that I have learned to accept things as they are revealed. Until you give me a reason to believe that you are an "ain't shyt individual" male or female (friend lol) then to me, you are alllllright. I don't go looking for trouble. If it finds me then….I deal.

        1. Monalisa,

          You know that is funny when I think about it now.. How my mother acted when she was around my father. It seemed as if she wanted him to stay close, but I think it had to do more with her wanting him for herself. He told me the truth about them just before he passed away… It made me realized that my mother was pissed with my father for not making enough money to give her the type of lifestyle that she felt she deserve. Although my father was a blues guitarist and always on the road, it was always Christmas when he was around… Once my daughters were born, I made the promised to always be there no matter what… My oldest daughter don't speak to me now because she brought her mother's crap… it's cool… I know that she will need me before I need her…. I'm the one helping to pay her tuition my youngest amazingly sees through her mom's BS… I say to my brothers… don't walk away from your kids because your relationship failed with their moms… It just gets to me that my ex wife is still bitter about her breaking us up… It was her who wanted to run around like she wasn't married not me… This debate will rage on for decades to come… Thanks for being a level headed sister…

  48. Final Thoughts

    I will intro this with a beautifully said comment from a black MARRIED Canadian male blogger, Omnipitron

    http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/04/01/the-ethic

    – How the eff is black men supposed to achieve anything when we are in a matriarchal community, where being a thug is rewards, intellectualism is seen as white and it is almost blasphemy… When I approach women, and hint that I have been in jail before & their panties get wet…

    – There is still a disconnect on how much women affect men actions, especially when you happily give our p*ssies to irresponsible men, and then BLINDLY wonder how men like me get created… It is repulsive…

    – And there is still a disconnect on what is wifey material… Women are getting bamboozled by other women (who are your competition BTW…)

    Men define what is wifey material… & I am willing to be alone & beat my meat or the rest of my life, if I don't find a chick who comes close to this…

    – Less than three partners, virgin preferred…

    – In shape, and stays in shape

    – marriage minded, wifey swag, mature

    – CHILDLESS, no abortions

    – dress modestly, not like an attention whore

    – Can be both masculine & feminine on cue…

    – has an IDENTIFIABLE FATHER

    – Has a good heart, generous, treats other people like family…

    Now, how many black women YOU know who has even half of these credentials, and more importantly, how many men would like a wife with these credential… Maybe I am the only dude with some standards…

    – I'm sorry, single, never married motherhood is my cool… It should never be acceptable in 99% of circumstances…

    – Being a fat woman is not the wave…

    – & Being an unpleasant human being because you know you can get away with it because you are hot, will backfire on you in your mid-thirties (although BW age well, so she can carry out the delusion longer…)

    So, I am asking, how much wifey material is out here in these streets… At least among BW… I know I can get a white girl that comes close, or a foreign girl from a third world poor country…

    Super Saiyan To The End

    I'm Out

    1. And riding the co.ck carousel in your twenties & expecting men to wife you in your thirties is a losing strategy… Men are catching on quick…

        1. @Top5DOA

          I am developing my abrasiveness…

          Me & brother JUST had a conversation 10 minutes ago today, about "What happened to the Theoné (my government name) 10 years ago"

          He was referring to a guy that was a sweetheart, smart, & on the path of becoming an successful black male…

          (I still am a sweetheart BTW, but the capacity to be a ruthless a$$hole is a must to survive city women & the "Delilahs" of the world)

          My answer "It was because I wasn't getting any p*ssy"…

          That is what drives most men… Take women out of the equation & men wouldn't do sh*t but beat off all day…

        1. @Lurker

          Tom Leykis is a godsend…

          But I learned the concept about women being "over the hill" from other men who got older & successful & those same women that rejected them in high school college want to holla when the money train is flowing…

          Tom Leykis has had a similar background… & is a better man because of it…

          Don't pay full price (commitment) for a woman who gave out her p*ssy at a discount (jumpoff) to other men… A prostitute is way cheaper…

          I know, cause I paid $8 for one… (Most, Dr. Jay, Slim Sleezy, can I get a guest post & write about it…?)

  49. Oh no, there is an issue with Black Men and achievement indeed. One of the problems is that a black man can get more respect from going to jail than going to college. Is it a logical progression to the end result from what's seen as being cool for much of the early adolescent years to the typically most productive years (which so many are spent behind bars) of men? Possibly. Then again, how many ladies up here can say they never found those class clowns, or wanna be thugs attractive and appealing? These guys typically weren't exactly at the top of their class and weren't on their way to the next academic and vocational level in life. To be honest,so many of them still got the respect and the women, the cars, jewelry and the like without the process of going to college or trade school, so what would be their reason when they still get the women and everything they seemingly want? I'm just saying our value system as a whole is inconsistent at best, and f—– up at worst.

  50. This misandric sentiment has been fueled by media outlets successfully marketing to angry females. My only warning is this, your sons and potential mates are watching and learning.

    Everything is cyclical.

  51. Interesting…always thought indifference was the opposite of love though, with hate and love being similar emotions.

  52. Been reading this site for awhile, first time I posted.

    I just wanted to add that this is not just limited to online blogs, if you look at the way the media covers news stories in general, you will find a certain level of misandry in the way the information is presented in headline events such as court cases, trials, etc.

    Even old tv shows like King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond, and yes even Good Times promotes this subliminal message of misandry. In each show they display the male as being dumb or limited in knowledge when compared to their female counterparts. Things like female on male domestic violence is marketed and laughed at, and treated as the norm. For the most part each wife and female characters on the 3 shows were seen as benevolent and all knowing, and their husband and male children were painted as clueless neanderthals. The semi exception is Michael off of Good Times, but even as he gotten older he grew to be lumped in with J.J.

    I think both misogyny and misandry are equally wrong, but the trend as of late seems to be one of trying to outlaw misogyny in any form, while promoting misandry underneath it all.

  53. Its funny that I come home, check my twitter, and this article pops up… I was questioning myself on my walk home whether or not my love for the Black man was slowly turning to hate…

    And then I read this.

    And, in fact, maybe it is coming closer and closer to that ugly place. I'll admit that. I'm human and Black men have disappointed me in 1001 different ways. I mean people disappoint people all the time. Of that I am clear and no exception.

    But as one of a Black man's biggest fans, who used to defend and support Black men fervently, I think I am the most prone to approaching hatred because I care. If I didn't, as one commenter said, I'd simply be indifferent.

    Whenever I get a Black male supervisor that genuinely invests in me as a young professional, respects me as he would a woman of any other ethnicity, and demonstrates some level of loyalty, protection, and partnership, a little part of that Black man fan club in my heart comes back to life. The part of me that used to encourage young Black boys by reminding them of their roles as leaders of our communities, encouraging them to take ownership of their people and feel empowered to make an impact because they could is somewhat revitalized.

    But usually, I leave that good experience and pass by a group of Black men that either tell me how "fat my ass" is… or remind me how much better I'd look if I was Puerto Rican.

    Two Lil Wayne songs and a music video (and Adonis blog post) later and I'm back to where I started… maybe even a step further away from that naive heart that looked at Black men with stars in her eyes.

    My father was a Black man… and even in his flaws, he was my hero.

    But most of the Black men I encounter now seem to want to do nothing more than convince me that my value and worth are in my looks… that I should value myself by their standards… and that my brown skin is a curse.

    I can't tell anyone how to think or feel… and although I may be criticized for my honesty, I'll continue to be transparent and say, I am disappointed. Not because I was cheated on or "played" in a romantic sense but because repeatedly, the words that come from Black men to Black women are not words of life or support… or even acceptance. They are words of criticism, disrespect, and oppression.

    Does it go both ways? Absolutely. Black women can be just as destructive with their words. I give 100% credence to that. But that wasn't me… I was your biggest fan…

    and you stepped on me… you step on me, the Black woman, regularly.

    And truth be told, I STILL acknowledge your greatness and your role as leaders of our community. I just wish you'd recognize the impact of YOUR words as leaders and the importance of your setting an example for women to follow. I mean in a battle of the sexes, someone has to have the balls to be the bigger man and call a truce.

    Im jussayin.

    1. @Lady Justice

      When a man tells you nice your ass is… Jehovah blessed you…

      The best way to get black women to change, is to not date them… (Pumping & dumping them would make things worse…)

      The best way to get black men to change is for women to close their legs to them & give their p*ssy to black men who are going places…

      I know that is a foolish dream to ask for… So, I'll adjust to the current reality…

      1. Please, Adonis, stop the madness. Did Monica Lewinsky not eff the president? Can you tell me what happened to her?

        What about instances like Anita Hill? Guess she should just shut up and take the good that was given to her? Right.

        1. @AE

          Where is Monica you ask…?

          Bill Clinton was the best thing that ever happened to Monica… She hasn't come close to finding his replacement… I am sure she is honored to have screwed such a powerful man & relishes for a repeat performance… Also, had they made a child together, that child would at least be financially set…

          The bad part about the ordeal is, that we know about the affair… Because I, or any other decent doesn't want to marry the Former President's leftovers…

          Women love powerful and/or married men, and seek them out with a passion…

          Another thing… Women love attention, until they don't… Then when they don't get attention, they're unhappy until they do…

      2. Once again, that ain't me.

        I've been a save-myself-til-marriage girl for most of my 20's…

        and was a virgin throughout college… at an HBCU.

        My sentiments do not hail from a romantic context. Just a man-to-woman, partner-in-this-struggle, together-we-are-greater standpoint.

        Maybe you don't get it. But that is precisely my point. This game of disrespect and oversexualizing everything in the world is amusing to you… although your commentary confirms how destructive it is over time to the psyche of our people.

        And after thwarting the prejudice I face in the world, I don't have the energy to come to my virtual "home" and enter into combat about simple, basic ish with you.

        The way to change a man… Im not sure, cause Im not in the business of changing men. That's God's job. How to influence them? That's another question and my approach has been through treating them like the kings they are even when they don't realize it.

        But that's just me… and what the hell do I know.

        Its not my job to change you, its my job to support you and expect the same in return. All that other BS you spewing, save it for the next chick.

        1. @Ms. Justice

          I don't know what fantasy island you live on… But I just want to remind you of something…

          S*x is everything, & everything is s*x… & that drives the bus for most people… Surviving & reproducing… Life is not that tough to figure out…

          It is amazing how many women can agree that men & women compliment each other… And affect each other… But can only see how men affect women, but not the opposite…

          Being that you are the most enlightened human here… then I need to take a backseat, while you drive…

          Although I am happy you kept your legs for the most part… The whole afro-centric, religious swag (well I believe alot of black people do a horrible job representing the Christian religion), is not helping the black community… & will not save the black community

          Frankly, black people need to let that ish go… And get a dose of realism… Focus on the economic aspect of living, and move from there…

  54. Sigh, I was kinda with you until you brought "male privilege" and ignorance into this like those aren't real "things." Yes, there are some women who will go out of their way to let this entire world know that men ain't ish. And maybe somebody said this in the comments, but for every one of those misandrists, there are 2 woman out there, that despite how many times she's been wronged, knows too many wonderful men to entirely give up on them. You may not know these women because they don't blog, but I promise you they are out there; I've seen many a woman be resilient, loving and hopeful despite all the triflin she's encountered, and that takes some real personal strength. Please, let's not forget them.

    Male privilege and ignorance are real things, so don't write them off as just women hating men. It's all in the presentation. You can either load up Pookie and em from the block in your Acura and do a drive-by through homeboy's street because somebody told somebody told somebody told you that he was up there with some other chick. And then call on male privilege. Or you could actually be pointing out a case where a man benefits where a woman would not from the institutionalized sexist system in place in our society. Let's hope more women use the latter.

  55. well there are certainly much more gay women out there nowadays, and a very good reason why us straight good guys can't seem to meet a good woman anymore.

  56. I'll admit it. I've definitely got some misandry flowing through my veins. But; I wasn't always a misandrist. I was conditioned into one. I'm not saying that any one man is to blame; or that, all men are the same. What I'm saying, is this; before misandry, I was the ultimate advocate for the ineffable. I wanted to give my man the sublime. I wanted him experience nirvana through me; through us; through our version of what love was according to us; to create a love out of transparency and freedom. I wanted to strengthen him and affirm his worth; without controlling or criticizing him; I wanted to accept all of him and love all his forms.

    Love does not beget love, however.

    I admit that I put up with way more than I had any business putting up with – but, I loved him. Which meant; loving him at his worst, or so I thought. I loved. He hated. I affirmed. He debased. I devoted myself to learning how to love better and loved him with a love that was bigger than love – and he made me into an abstraction.

    He just walked away. Literally, fell off the face of the earth. No explanation. No goodbye. No fuck you; go to hell; nothing. No closure at all. One day he was there, the next he wasn't. And, I will never know why. Because, as far as he is concerned I never existed at all. I do not deserve anything.

    He is not the only reason. The main; definitely, but not solely. Prior to the two years I was with him, I had been in a twelve year relationship with a man that I had three children with; moved across the country for; and loved passionately – yet, he never married me – and, even though I wanted it more than anything else, I never forced it. Complacency took over and before I knew it, our friends were celebrating ten or more, year anniversaries; and we were still playing house. After twelve years, I found out on Facebook that he was having an affair with a woman at work and six months after that; he asked her to marry him. He never even looked back.

    I own my shit, too. I wasn't perfect by any means – especially as far as my first relationship went. But, the second – I am proud of the way that I loved him. I achieved consciousness through wanting to love him better; but, it still wasn't enough.

    So, I wonder what you would have me to do? What more could I have done? I loved both of them beautifully, and the last one; I gave him the sublime – I exposed all of myself; entirely, to him – And, all of it, was for nothing. In both of the ends, it was made abundantly clear that my presence had or had, had; no effect on either of them what-so-ever. Yet, I still love them both and appreciate what each of them brought to my life and I attribute a good portion of my personal growth to each of them.

    While, neither one breathes a word to me, nor thinks a silent thought about me.

    I have no choice, really. If I don't hate men; I'll always love them – for nothing.

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