**Was digging around on my old site and found this one. Enjoy.**
Dating ain't teach me how to dance doe.
The other night I was getting my dose of Twitternet and noticed that #collegetaughtme was the hot new trending topic. Everybody was following the hashtag with things they learned from college ranging from promissory notes to trains…and I don’t mean a mode of transportation unless the destination is New Triz City near Nutville and Groupsberg. Yesterday morning I logged on to Facebook and noticed some freshly posted pictures from one of my friends that happens to be tied to a few people in my past. Similar to the child that knows a noisy radiator means hot but decides to touch it anyway, I clicked to view the album and quickly found myself turning into Mumbles McExpletives.
There are still a couple women from relationships past that if someone told me they were seriously injured I’d say “Karma is the b*tch that never forgets.” And for as much as I dislike these people, I have to be thankful for the ideas they spark. As I was brushing my teeth and thinking about falling pianos, the light-bulb went off and I had a moment of genius that led me to this post. How about #datingtaughtme? So for today, here are a few lessons learned from my adventures in booships.
#datingtaughtme that taking the high road doesn’t mean I have to be cordial later on.
Some people need to be phased out of life like characters out of books. They may have committed an egregious act and you no longer want anything to do with them. I’ve learned that it’s better to not speak than to come off hostile. As you probably noticed, I have a way with words. This translates into spoken wit. That’s not good for somebody. If the gasoline and match met on the bridge, I’m not obligated to say anything to you no matter what people around me may think.
#datingtaughtme that upfront friendship doesn’t necessarily make for a better romantic relationship.
Sometimes 1 + 1= 2.5
It should make sense, but most of the time it just doesn’t work. Extra points for being able to joke, drink, and smoke together doesn’t mean y’all should be together. You may, however, be able to sleep together repeatedly and not feel dirty in the morning.
#datingtaughtme that “stop being so insecure” can really mean “You almost caught me cheating and I need to make you divert your attention and chase your tail.”
Trust your instincts. Need I say more?
#datingtaughtme that you get out what you put in. Pause.
If a relationship is failing, you should be looking at yourself first. Instead of venting to your peoples about how upset the sugar-gone-sourcakes is making you, try figuring out what you could be doing better. This also applies to general affection. No Country for Sit and Wait. A closed mouth don’t get fed. You get my drift.
#datingtaughtme the importance of kissing.
There is passion before insertion. I can assert my manliness before inserting my manliness (throwback), etc. As a matter a fact, I wrote a whole post on kissing. Wack kissing leads to short relationships. Doctors Phil and Drew as well as Dr. Steve Harvey confirmed this…
So those are just a few things that #datingtaughtme. What has it taught you? For the purpose of this post, dating doesn’t just mean going out and awkwardly sitting at dinner faking it ’til you make…out.
I helped her get it re-upholstered,
#datinghastaughtme That I will love again- regardless how bad it may seem when it ends…one day, it won't end… I'm sure 🙂
Am I first to comment? #Wootwoot
Hell yea , I'm with you on that! I'll also add that its ok to judge people..its a great filter..lol
All relationships end eventually. You either breakup, or someone dies.
Really? Do you need a hug?
LOL – I was thinking the same thing.
#datingtaughtme That I have a lot to learn about being in a serious relationship, and that I will more than likely be playing for #teamSingleBlackMale for another 10 years or so. & AL so that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. (Corny but oh well, im a #BAWSE lol)
@primo_supremo
comin outta lurk mode but #datinghastaughtme just because he looks good on paper doesn't mean he'll fit for you
#datinghastaughtme that attraction before friendship always fails
#datinghastaughtme that if you not feeling someone you just disappear out their life. Lol I haven't "broken" up with anybody since 11th grade lol I just stop calling/texting
It's taught me that not every man will like me and to keep it moving If I'm not his cup of tea.
The biggest thing #datinghastaughtme is to be patient. Love doesn't happen overnight 🙂
"datinghastaughtme just because he looks good on paper doesn’t mean he’ll fit for you "
Such a good point. So many people are looking for a perfect height / weight / doctor / lawyer because they think that's the "best". But is he/she the best for YOU?
First of all, you are so pretty Porscha! Welcome to SBM!!!!
Next, I want to cosign that "datinghastaughtme just because he looks good on paper doesn’t mean he’ll fit for you"
THIS!!! Girl, I have been caught up with trying to love someone because of who they were instead of how they were loving me. Lessons learned.
#Datingtaughtme that having standards is a great idea.
#Datingtaughtme that no one knows what they want until they have experience.
#datingtaughtme that I shouldn't be open with ppl about my past…at least not until sometime later.
Also #datingtaughtme that PATIENCE is a virtue! Don't to rush into any relationship…
#datingtaughtme that being yourself with someone is always better than playing a time
#datingtaughtme that people change and you shouldn't judge them by their pasts
#datingtaughtme that love grows over time, and you should give it the time it needs to grow
#datingtaughtme that purity is sexy.
you shouldnt judge from their past but dont fully disregard it. We are habitual by nature for every person who has changed theres 5 more who do the same ish over n over
@HerBetterOption
I don't want to say it, so I will let my mentor Solomon say it… Here you go…
Proverb 16: Mistakes, And The Women Who Love Them
#TeamSelfPreservation, then be the savior…
#datingtaughtme if it does'nt feel genuine then it is'nt
#datingtaughtme if your not a Priority then he's just not that into you
#datingtaughtme its' not that serious have fun, be aware use your brain. Things happen, you'll live , and everyone cant be your prince charming .
#datingtaughtme GO at your own pace
#datingtaughtme GO at your own pace
THIS^^^^^^^
Don't let anyone or anything (*cough (Peen/Puss) cough*) coerce you into anything you aren't ready for.
Morning,
#Datingtaughtme that dating is a science & it takes practice & dedication… It is entirely different animal than being in a relationship… As SBM pointed out in <a / rel="nofollow"> Getting A Woman Vs. Keeping A Woman … And once you have a good handle on it… You can give women wonderful experiences…
#DatingTaughtMe To pick well & SCREEN well… I have a very good BS radar that rarely fails me… I can identify sl.uts & crazies in nano-seconds…
#DatingTaughtMe As I improve my draft stock… the more quality & good looking women will draft me in the first round…
#DatingTaughtMe That no woman is off-limits… It;s not if she is single or married… Is she interested or uninterested in sleeping with me… Then of course I need to know if she is safety risk #HusbandsStrikesBack (That needs to be a reality series)
#SuperSaiyanToTheEnd
#datingtaughtme that a female's body count does matter
#datingtaughtme it aint a relationship until we say it is. Other than that we just unintentional FWBs
#datingtaughtme that not having s*x early in the relationship is actually helpful, even though i steady front like I can bust a nutt in dem guts on the first date and still care about her the next morning.
By "we" you mean the man right?
The "we" means both partners talking about what they are doing.
Yeah, no hash tagging for me. Dating has taught me that women have fantasies and expectations about every single aspect of dating. For example, if you love them they want you to express it the way the believe you should. Dating has also taught me that being polite is far more worthwhile and an easier route than being a jerk.
The biggest thing that dating has taught me is that a break-up doesn't automatically equal a failed relationship. If the two parties can ultimately come out of the relationship knowing themselves better and split on amicable terms (don't necessarily have to be buddy-buddy afterwards) then it can be considered a successful relationship.
"If the two parties can ultimately come out of the relationship knowing themselves better and split on amicable terms (don’t necessarily have to be buddy-buddy afterwards) then it can be considered a successful relationship"
You get it! ^5
I hear you, man! All of this… co-sign.
"Dating has also taught me that being polite is far more worthwhile and an easier route than being a jerk."
Preach!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and co-sign this entire comment, but THIS right here!
"Dating has also taught me that being polite is far more worthwhile and an easier route than being a jerk."
This is so key! I don't know why so many guys think honesty automatically = being a jerk! It really doesnt. You are way more inclined to be able to win later on in the game if you remain a gentleman (whatever THAT means in this 2011 era) til the end.
Fellas pay attention!
#datingtaughtme that no matter the personality, culture, race, ethnicity of a man, when he's into you, you shall know, without a doubt. The whole shy business is a sham and just means he's not that into you.
#datingtaughtme that you can have lots of fun w/o actually inserting. #whoknew?
#datingtaughtme that I'll always be surprised, impressed, flattered, and disappointed or hurt by who is or is not attracted to me. Life is funny that way.
#datingtaughtme, to piggyback on the previous lesson, that rarely are the cards perfectly aligned in the attraction scale. And when they are, he's emotionally or physically unavailable. FML.
#datingtaughtme that kissing is an artform that really IS that deep.
finally, #datingtaughtme that if I did a line-up of all the men I've been attracted to, loved, or crushed hard on over the years, they'd span the humanity spectrum of race, culture, ethnicity, and physical attributes. however, the one similarity of them all, is their heart that is made of gold. That wins me over every time!
Amen.
+1
Same lessons learned.
I'm with you on all of these….except this part:
"The whole shy business is a sham and just means he’s not that into you."
This hasn't been my experience. I have known a few people (men and women) who really liked someone, but was just too shy to make that critical move..and after awhile it's too late. I guess the term "into you" or "liking someone" is subjective and how people define this is more than likely where differences of opinions come in.
As a shy/awkward fellow I can attest to having foregone many a chances.
Yes, but I can attest to also having the most shy men of them all find creative ways to let their feelings be known. And in so doing, they win me over.
It's safe to assume that as shy as you or ur friends claim to be, they HAVE made their feelings known/approached at least one lady. She was just that special, that they couldn't risk letting her slip through their fingers.
If they can risk it, then was she really that special?
Like I mentioned before, "special" is purely subjective. It's easy to say if one doesn't approach you then apparently they weren't that special to them. I could also say that if my wife doesn't cook for me every night then she must not love me enough. I think this logic is at times a misguided rationalization (not all the time, though).
"I guess the term “into you” or “liking someone” is subjective and how people define this is more than likely where differences of opinions come in."
Yup! So… I guess this right here is what dating has taught me…
"#datingtaughtme that you can have lots of fun w/o actually inserting. #whoknew?"
Yup, and along those lines #DatingTaughtMe that perfectly good men will leave you for perfectly retarded reasons, so be true to who you are at all times.
#datingtaughtme not to take every mistake a dude makes so personally. People don't always mature when you'd like them to. Not every hurt has te become a wound! Which leads me to the second thing #datingtaughtme…that optimism doesn't make me any less wise or strong!
Love this!
Not every hurt has to become a wound!
^^^THIS +1
#datinghastaughtme that I can't assign 'pain' to everything, sometimes it's merely a harsh lesson that I can learn from without holding onto in order to be a victim.
Also, #datingtaughtme that optimism doesn't blind or hinder you the way bitterness does. You can apply life's lessons without putting your heart (and therefore passion, zeal for life) on ice.
A to the MEN.
Being un-bitter keeps me winning. Lol
+1
+2
+4
+3
others i taught of as my head reached my pillow:
#datingtaughtme that no matter how amazing a man is, never put him on a pedestal. The higher the pedestal, the bigger the disappointment that is sure to follow. He is just that, a man…capable of erring like every human on this planet.
#datingtaughtme to thine own self be true. Self-explanatory…when u can be urself, everything else falls into place. Phonyness always backfires or is short lived.
#datingtaughtme taught me that, while an aesthically pleasing individual gets more dates, their dating life isn't necessarily better. In fact, many times, it's worse. Dating woes fall upon us all. Best to take lessons from the "homely" looking couples that are actually successful.
finally, #datingtaughtme that while I enjoyed casual dating and going on dates in my early 20s, I'm actually tired of that ish now. The "getting to know you" stage bores me to tears, as it is mostly pretentious. Save me the good behavior act. There has to be a more expedited way of seeing if we have a future. I've found that the men I meet while traveling is a great way to know who ur dealing with, as traveling brings out the worst and the best in anyone. Hence, Im more connected fellow travelers!
"#datingtaughtme that no matter how amazing a man is, never put him on a pedestal. The higher the pedestal, the bigger the disappointment that is sure to follow. He is just that, a man…capable of erring like every human on this planet.
#datingtaughtme to thine own self be true. Self-explanatory…when u can be urself, everything else falls into place. Phonyness always backfires or is short lived. "
So true!
dating has taught me…
if she's not attracted to you…there's nothing you can do. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.
nothing ventured, nothing gained…the worst she's say is no*
(if you ask nicely, while not looking at her ta-tas, and not cursing…otherwise, you just might be maced, lol)
"nothing ventured, nothing gained…the worst she’s say is no*"
Mhmmmmmmmmm … No Risk, No Reward.
#datingtaughtme that casual sex is really not the sh!t.
#datingtaughtme that its ok to court a woman, but she needs to put some work in as well to win me!
Out of sheer curiosity, what kind of work? So you're courting her, but she still hasn't 'won' you? Meaning it's a contest with more than one contestants vying for the prize?
I get that reciprocation is great because it'd be great to feel just as wanted as you're making her feel by pursuing her – so if that's what you meant, disregard the question:)
Yep reciprocation it is.
Thanks for the clarification:-)
#datinghastaughtme: just as @slim said you get what you give, I went on a first date with a gentleman 2 days ago, I got to pick the location, So i scheduled us a pottery lesson, I thought that it was not only different but it was something I cold guarantee neither of us had done before. It was fun, and messy and allowed us to be relaxed and get to know each other.
DOPE POST!!!
Dating Taught Me … Learn and master the art of "Get her blasted and see what's good." Women are far less reserved and apprehensive when there's a lil liquor in their system. Sober dates <<<<<
Dating Taught Me … Not every woman that you engage with sexually wants to be in a relationship (Higher percentage the higher the # of acts), but it'll never be 100%.
Dating Taught Me … If she ain't calling or texting you, she ain't thinking about you. She's prolly calling or texting somebody else.
Dating Taught Me … Don't Simp
Dating Taught Me … You aren't breaking up with someone you aren't in a relationship with. They'll be ok.
Dating Taught Me … A LOT of people work under the philosophy that Dating is the New Relationship … FALSE … Communicate and set boundaries that distinguish rules of engagement in the realm of dating and how it SHOULD differ from that of a relationship.
Dating Taught Me … KNOW THYSELF … If you like spontaneity, don't date a chick with 2 kids … If you like good conversation, don't date a chick that irritates you cuz of a limited knowledge spectrum. If you like $ex, don't date a virgin.
Oh and Dating Taught Me … Being in love isn't a prerequisite for progression or a relationship.
Will you tell me what a simp is? I keep coming across that word and don't really understand what its referring to.
A soft/stupid pimp. (SIMP)
A dude who tricks/spend money or do outlandish things for woman without receiving ANY benefits (read:panties) besides a "thank you" or an "airkiss"
Oh I see.
Couldn't have said it any better … Thanks
"If she ain't calling or texting you, she ain't thinking about you. She's prolly calling or texting somebody else."
I think this is true for a man, but not for a woman. A lot of times, women may not text/call a guy because they feel like if he's INTO them, he will be the one doing the majority of the texting/calling (Men are the ones who court/chase) . It may not be good, but I determine how into me a guy is by how often he initiates contact. Your dating lesson may apply to how quickly she responds to texts or calls from you, or if she responds at all, but not the former. I know it's your experience, but I just thought I'd put that out there.
Maybe it was a blind assumption, but i know how most women love interaction whether its in person or through some medium. And what's better than a interested or interesting man to help her in that endeavor. May be a reach as u pointed out.
"Your dating lesson may apply to how quickly she responds to texts or calls from you, or if she responds at all, but not the former."
^^^^^^ Agreed this might have been a better statement.
@Top5DOA – We DO love that interaction!! There's nothing better than a text or call from a guy we're feeling!! NOTHING…Remember this! It's enough to put us on cloud 9 for the entire day. #itsthelittlethings 🙂
Good call, Ref…good call…lol
Agreed!
I agree.
Dating taught me…
To trust my instincts and not ignore "this man is crazy" signs.
that it's okay to Love fully. I won't die or melt or turn to dust if I open myself up to vulnerability.
A lot about photography, finance, and technical army ish. Lmbo. In other words, I learned that you can get a whole education on something you knew nothing about just by proxy and being around someone.
To always make the best decision for ME, and not for Us, unless there is a ring on it and a future shared last name.
See above but, with joint banking accounts.
To remember why, and remind them why, daily.
"To always make the best decision for ME, and not for Us, unless there is a ring on it and a future shared last name." THIS!!!!!
#datinghastaughtme getting the draws is one thing, getting her heart is so much more. Its amazing how u can go from a complete stranger to the love of her life.
However, #datinghastaughtme people fall in love with love. Some fall in love with the thought they found the one the long search is over not the person themself
#datinghastaughtme its a chance for new experiences, learn their culture, let them buy you a shirt you wouldnt normally cop etc
#datinghastaughtme that being in a relationship makes me more desireable, ironic isnt it
#datinghastaughtme everyone knows somebody who knows somebody so watch what bridges you burn
"However, #datinghastaughtme people fall in love with love. Some fall in love with the thought they found the one the long search is over not the person themself"
!!!!!!!
co-sign.
datingtaughtme# that love is for suckers and that I will never be married or have children and that I will die alone.
Baby, you need a hug?
Speak it into existence…
You used the hashtag wrong -____-
lol! Of all the things to say to him/her
Hopefully it's a her, but yeah I knew everyone else would take care of the obvious. Figured i'd dig a lil deeper … Lol
I hope there are no men out there referring to themselves as Mocha Cashmere, LMBO…
#mamano
My e-heart goes out to you.
Smh
Here's my shoulder, you can lean on me….
Yeah, I think she can use a Kirk Franklin song or two…or three…
Damn….
CO, she could use 4 Kirk Franklin songs, some tissue, a shoulder (thanks Krys), two stiff drinks and a lollipop. I ain't been this depressed by someone else's comment in a loooong time.
aww don't even let life do that to you – that's like losing twice. Keep your head up soldier:)
Dating has taught me that there is a market for everybody. The tough part is finding someone who appreciates what you have to offer. Also, that rejection is sometimes God's protection. In addition, everyone has an exception. (Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick, lol)
But seriously its funny how people (men and women) say they would NEVER date type a, b, or c kind of person. UNTIL they did. And in some cases, ended up marrying them. Life is full of surprises so be open to the possibilities 🙂
@cancergirl08
Also, that rejection is sometimes God's protection.
Although I have a strong dislike for the way people apply religion these days… I can roll with that… There is some truth there for me…
Great Post Slim.
Dating has taught me — I'm a Free Agent, and just as long as I am upfront with my wants/needs and desires in terms of what I am looking for, it's ALL GOOD.
#datingtaughtme to trust my first instinct. If I meet a man and I am just not feeling him, usually that feeling does not go away.
#datingtaughtme to understand why I am not feeling a man. Is it that we just dont match or am I on some superficial B.S.
#datingtaughtme that if I am on some superficial B.S. how to figure out if it is something I can overcome.
#datingtaughtme that just because a man is nice that does not mean he is the one for me.
#datingtaughtme that I am not meant to be in a relationship with every man I find attractive.
#datingtaughtme that when I meet a guy that I believe to be perfect for me to not fret if it doesnt work out because I will meet another eventually.
Dating taught me
– To be yourself, some people will like you, some won't.
– To be creative, cuz dinner/movies get's expensive
– To have a FwB, cutty buddy, bottom b!t&h for those lonely nights
– That all women are NOT the same.. so don't come with that mindframe
– Not only are you dating around, so is the person across the table
– You are probably not Candidate #1 #2 or #3
– Knowing your worth will cut out alot of the bull..
– Adding pr0nhub to your bookmarks is a good idea.
@DeKeLa Thanks for reminding me…
#DatingHasTaughtMe Don't take women out who are not sleeping with me already… If she wants to go out before then, she has to pay in full…
I have turned in my "provider" card as a man… So, I forget about the financials when it comes to dating…
"Adding pr0nhub to your bookmarks is a good idea."
I'll add xvideos.com and xnxx.com … Every night isn't a successful. One needs a fail-safe backup plan.
add Homegrownfre@ks and youp0rn
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee … I see you got a lil fetish for the home, amateur videos … I digs it … I too desire homegrowns every now and then.
"Add Homegrownfre@ks and youp0rn"
:: takes notes:: ::nods in approval:: , Kema you tryna keep a brotha in the house??
I like how you think. we can be good friends…
lol! I try… 🙂
I'm cracking up at the sharing of grown folk footage sites.
I thought Spankwire was popular….no?
No love for Tubegalore.com anyone?
Tube8.com is where it's at……you're welcome!
This thread section is #Winning
Dating taught me to never settle for someone that doesn't accept me for my true self. I'm a Black geek who plays video games, loves NBA basketball, builds computers, and primarily reads nonfiction history, political, and science books. All of the women I dated before my wife made me feel ashamed at one or more of those passions.
Even worse, I began to feel that I had to hide portions of myself and not be "me" to be able to attract a woman. Luckily my wife came around, slapped the hell out of me, and said "i love you for who you are"
Dating taught me to never settle for someone that doesn't accept me for my true self. I'm a Black geek who plays video games, loves NBA basketball, builds computers, and primarily reads nonfiction history, political, and science books. All of the women I dated before my wife made me feel ashamed at one or more of those passions.
Even worse, I began to feel that I had to hide portions of myself and not be "me" to be able to attract a woman. Luckily my wife came around, slapped the hell out of me, and said "i love you for who you are".
Awwwwwwwwwww … Not so Single Black Male … Congrats on finding your Queen tho.
Hi Shareef – I guess I can be considered a "nerd groupie" as well….my husband builds computers, loves some college football game and lives for the Miami Heat. He just took the CISSP exam. Nerd love fo-eva!
One of my good friend put it best video games are a hobby, if a woman objects to you playing then she probably needs, to find a hobby herself…Video games have been a part of my life since I was a youngster. Asking me to stop playing them is like asking me to stop watching sports.
I remember when this was a post on 3 ways. I miss Eff'm Fridays….I digress.
#Datingtaughtme that it doesn't matter how much I love someone I can not make him love me in return. That was a hard lesson learned.
#Datingtaughtme to not ignore my "red flags" if he talks to the waiter, flight attendant, cab driver like they are a piece of sh*t…run for the hills!
#Datingtaughtme to fight fair. Name calling and saying/doing things I will regret later is childish.
#Datingtaughtme Male whores have a hard time changing their behaviour, even when they try.
#Datingtaughtme That falling in love with the right person is the most beautiful feeling in MY world.
Eff em friday is still on therealslimjackson.com
ALL OF THIS!!!
Dating taught me that sometimes we're better off being friends than significant others.
Dating taught me that I'm not responsible for somebody else's past hurts and pain, so I refuse to be held hostage by it.
Dating taught me that any woman that uses Beyonce's songs as their basis for dealing with life is the devil.
Dating taught me that not every woman is actually worth taking out on a date. I should have at least four to five in depth conversations before deciding to want to take her on a date.
"Dating taught me that not every woman is actually worth taking out on a date. I should have at least four to five in depth conversations before deciding to want to take her on a date."
Soooooooooo true!!!!!!!!!!! I've wasted countless hard earned dollars on One Night Dates. A few conversations beforehand would've saved me some bread.
+1
Expensive lesson to learn, too, lol. Necessary evil, though, in more cases than not.
Take them out for ice cream… Its sweet enough to be seen as thoughtful but will not hurt your pockets. Also it weeds out the ones that dont really want you and just want to dine on your dime.
@Kema
True, but it's still better to build some kind of rapport before any date … a few days of texting … some convos … something … The spending of money is just as much as the spending of my time … Initially I'd much rather spend my time than my money and my time.
@Top
I like to build rapport in person. I feel like actually getting together for one or two hours > texting and phone conversations for a week. #efficiency
"Dating taught me that any woman that uses Beyonce’s songs as their basis for dealing with life is the devil"
lol!
Dating has taught me…that I can't date myself and therefore can not reasonably expect a man to know what I am thinking at all times, think exactly like me, or react the way I would to every situation.
Damn… Toni that was beautiful…
Dating taught me to shut the ____ up. The things you say to your friends/family/all of facebook about a guy (good or bad) will be staring you in your face one day. Things change and people change. Not everybody wants to see you happy, and not everybody wants to see you throwing your happiness in their faces. And it's plain annoying to involve the rest of the world in the daily ups and downs of your love life. When you want to vent to your friends, do it sparingly and wisely. They judge you, too.
"and not everybody wants to see you throwing your happiness in their faces."
You must've read this blog the other day, too, lol:
http://untiligetmarried.com/2011/08/02/the-unbear…
Of course I had to go read this. Is it really like this?
Ok, the article was funny, and SO true. I'm happy for you…but shup the hell up! Geesh! lol (especially when you do all this bragging but everybody but you knows about your man's other life!) It just makes you look silly.
ouch! lol!
Lol … Just made that move … I swear one of my most hated quotes is "All Smiles" …. SPARE ME!!!!!!
I was #weak at the:
"What she doesn’t know is the reason her boyfriend kept her away from his apartment for those first three weeks is because his last girl was still moving out her stuff and living there part time."
LOL! Comedy.
@Krys- I'm sure it's like that with some people, but of course not all.
Mhmmmmm
Nice post. This whole topic made me think of a piece of a blog written in Jozen's "Until I Get Married" blog a couple days ago. He wrote:
"In real life, we don’t always get the girl, it’s not always our fault, and if we do always get the girl, we might want to find a way to keep her instead of trying to get another one. Love is hard and complicated and dealt with in different ways by different men"
That in summary is one definite thing that dating has taught myself.
Hey, I read that blog too! LOL…
I only comment here though…
Larry – can I call you Larry?
On behalf of the SBMettes, thanks for putting the old avi pic back up.
There your e-dollas, so you can call me whatever you want. Anything is better then Sandman Larry, though, lol!
Sure, don't mention it. It's the least I can do for having a whole thread dedicated to throwing e-money and other forms of currency at me, lol. *shrugs*
Yes Larry thanks. And thanks Tef for speaking on our behalf (i didn't want to be the first to say anything about it)
It was well worth my bed bath and beyond coupon. I was gonna buy a bathmat but who really needs that?
#datingtaughtme:
that although I have expectations, they won't always be met WHEN I want them to be.
that even the most manliest man is vulnerable to his woman.
that all types of affection is needed.
that needs change with time and to discuss this at least twice a year.
that fun doesn't always have to cost money.
that se.x is way better with someone that you love and that is in love with you.
that love does hurt at times. Smh to the lie of a cliché that is should not.
I love #allofthis.
Ditto
Yes. You know I'm getting ready to ask about the Bacon Bit right? Riiiight.
How's Little Man doing?
Oh he's doing well….growing all big and strong already. How are the twins?
I don't really have any experience dating but my friends #datingtaughtme that either I dodged a bullet or that I missed out on a lot of fun and growing experiences. It really just depends on which friend I talk to I guess.
Wait, you never had a boo?
I've been with my husband since I was sixteen and we moved in together when I was eighteen. Before that I probably only went on dates maybe three or four times if you count proms and even then I was too excited to get out of the house to learn anything from them. My grandparents didn't play.
After I typed that comment, I remembered a bit about you being forever booed up. Thanks for the clarity.
It's all good bro. I've been waiting for somebody to write a blog about if they had gotten married young what do they think they would've missed. Men might miss more then women. Idk.
*than
I think you may be on to something with that idea. **adds to topic list**
Hey Kris…you're a better woman than I am, you couldn't have paid me to settle down before 25. Most could write that blog for you, I think he got married at like 24 or something. But I also think the fellas do a lot more living when they're young than we do!
Tef, I got married at 20. When I thought back on it I realized it was too soon but whatcha gon do then? I've got an amazing man but he just came to soon. Pause. And as for that "living" that young men do, my hubby claims he got over all of that before he got with me (at the ripe age of 17).
Oh yeah, I'm 27 now.
#datinghastaughtme, in my new state of mind, that dating one person does not a relationship make. Meaning… you must date others, and not settle just because that person happens to be the only person in your life right now. Sometimes you find yourself in relationships that you had no business being in because you didn't stop to see your other options. Not that, that person couldn't be the one. But if you single them out, firstly, who says you're the only one. So don't give in too soon. I didn't find this out early in life, because I never really dated. I met someone, we kicked it, and then somehow ended up in a relationship. Thatsme… Not anymore. I've been married and divorced. And only after 2 failed relationships, life after divorce, I've dated. I know what I want and don't want. Thanks to dating. Shoulda learned this earlier. But I think somewhere in my mind, when I was younger, dating multiple people= you're a hoe, that's why I didn't do it. But I nowknow, dating does not mean you have to sleep with everyone. #datinghastaughtme to appreciate my future husband.
#datingtaughtme where I ranked in the dating food chain and what my lane is
#datingtaughtme that what's best for me may not be what I want
#datingtaughtme just because she has good statistics doesn't mean she is a good choice
#datingtaughtme that although I am good at dating I'm more built for a relationship
#datingtaughtme and also being friends with women taught me that women can and do get it in more if not just as much as men.
#datingtaughtme that I will never be a dude that runs through mad women. I'm too lazy and too worried about catching something.
#datingtaughtme and also observing others that honesty is the best policy
WORD.
#Datingtaughtme that sometimes, you are more to blame for a relationship ending than you think.
#datingtaughtme that you have to compromise, because no relationship that you win in 100% is healthy
#Datingtaughtme that even when you run into bad relationships, the prospect of a better one is always > giving up
I remember this one. Good isht
GREAT POST! and all of these comments are educational and informative
I think the biggest thing #datinghastaughtme is to check in with 'you' while dating. I tend to make a 'go' for things, while not making sure 'ME' is well nutured and attended to as I go. I think 'rest stops' are great for those who need to make sure "YOU" are okay. Check the tires, oil, mileage and especially the 'gauge' of it all. And if after a 'check-in' I still feel like I'm headed in a good direction…then it's an added bonus.
I like this!! x 1000
It's okay to just fallback and recharge your batteries from time to time.
YES it is! I am learning that with everything presented, and it does me justice everytime. =)
#datingtaughtme That I don't know how to date properly…like…at.all, lol.
I believe in talking first…and alot…before hanging out. And, I'm not in the market for new male friends, so to speak. So, within the first few conversations, if I can't see myself smitten with a guy, I stop talking to him altogether. I only make it to a date/dating phase with men that I'm into and who are into me…not men I want to be into me, but men who's behavior says "I'm really feeling this chick". With that said, I've never dated more than one person at a time. A few of my girlfriends tell me I'm losing ground this way and, at one point, they convinced me to try "multitasking"…dating properly, lol. I tried and it didn't work for me, lol. I spent the entire date thinking about the guy I really liked. I hated how it felt. So, I'm sticking to what I know.
Yeah I suck at that kind of 'multi-tasking' too. To thine own self be true, do what works for you 🙂
I'm with you 100% girl! I am anti-dating because a lot of it just doesn't make sense.
"I’ve never dated more than one person at a time. A few of my girlfriends tell me I’m losing ground this way and, at one point, they convinced me to try “multitasking”…dating properly, lol. I tried and it didn’t work for me, lol. I spent the entire date thinking about the guy I really liked. I hated how it felt. So, I’m sticking to what I know."
Girl… I am with you on this. I'm a terrible dater. I just can't really wrap my head around the concept of dating more than one person at a time. I know it makes logical sense… but the whole idea makes me super uncomfortable…
I've tried it before… DIDN'T WORK…lol.
LOL…I'm glad I'm not alone on this. 🙂
See, my love flow works like this: Talking -> Dating -> Couple -> Marriage
Now, I will talk to multiple guys at a time…chat, text. But, eventually, someone's gonna secure primary interest. And, once that happens, everyone else gets phased out as he and I decide to start dating. And, my dating contract is always noted as "exclusive dating"…meaning, you wanna hang out, call me…layoff (don't fire) the others in case we determine we don't want to be a couple. I'll send my laid off crew a random "just checkin in…how you doin" text to keep the bridge in tact. But, I won't be giving my precious QT to anyone but a man I'm at least dating.
For any of you who are familiar with "The 5 Love Languages", QT is my primary language. So, I guard that. I don't spend special QT with people that don't mean anything at all to me…
Larry?!
Oh ok…mmmmm *blush*
Nice 🙂
I know right!
I'm glad he came through because I would've taken my bed bath and beyond coupon back!
Wow! I hadnt even noticed… See this is what we can accomplish when we work together.
RIGHT!!!!!!!! LOL…
Yeah we worked as a team.
Together
Everybody
Achieves
More
WE ROCK!!!!
Big Ups to the SBMettes!
Next Time Ima Pull Out Da E-BLACK CARD!!! =D LMAO
Dating taught me recently that you can be in love with someone who isn't in love with you. I had no idea this was possible!
Dating also taught me that I don't really know how to date. In the past, I guess I never really dated. I went out with a guy a few times, and we were all of a sudden in a relationship. If I hadn't rushed in, I probably would have realized that those relationships were doomed from the jump.
Dating taught me that I HATE dating. I agree with another poster, the "get-to-know-you" phase and exchanging stories is boring and mundane. So, I have decided to approach dating like @cynicaloptimist81 and only go out with guys that I'm really feeling AND who are really feeling me. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.
Dating taught me that age should not deter me from getting to know a guy. As an avid dater of older men, I realized that dating a young man, is actually quite refreshing. They have limited experience with women and are less jaded and willing to put themselves "out there." I appreciate honesty in communicating feelings and intentions more than I thought. HATE HATE HATE guys who are clearly into you, but are too Scared, Cool or Lame to make it known.
" I went out with a guy a few times, and we were all of a sudden in a relationship. If I hadn’t rushed in, I probably would have realized that those relationships were doomed from the jump."
SAME THING HERE… you live, you learn.
I didn't consider the perspective you just presented.
Im 27 by the way, and when I think of older men, they have to be at least 5 years my senior. Most average about 8-10 years my senior. And as for younger, anything btwn 2-4 yrs my junior. I can't go younger than that. My same aged peers are usually 1-3 yrs older than I, due to my starting school at a very young age, therefore, I was always the youngest.
At any rate, as I've said, I've never encountered an older man whose jaded experience gave him cold feet from marriage or serious commitment. Quite the opposite. Because of their experience, they now know what they want, and when they approach me, they are already thinking in terms of settling down. A true breath of fresh air from the myriad of games I'm used to participating in.
Unfortunately, I tend to run for the hills, b/c (up until this point in my life) I've always been a commitment-phobe. I let plenty of good older men go. Such is life.
The younger ones are tricky. They are everything you mentioned, but in their quest to prove their worth and manliness, they can too easily try too hard to impress. I prefer you be yourself. But younger men do tend to be more attentive and compassionate.
Both groups (older and younger) have stretched my heartstrings and made this black girl blush in ways I didn't know I could.
At the end of the day, however, the old adage holds true. It's about connecting on a heart and mind level…sometimes the age shows, but mostly, it really is just a numero!
Southernpoise,
I was so close to going back and rewriting your whole last paragraph about the dating younger men. Actually, for moi, datingtaughtme that I hate dating men my age, b/c they play the most games.
However,
Older men: know what they want
Younger men: make a genuine effort to please thee
It's both so very refreshing. Of course, in academia, I'm mostly surrounded by same aged peers, so I have more experience with them, but I do love older and younger men.
And thanks for co-signing the my "dating is boring" comment!!
sorry, I meant thirtythoughts!
@Tash
This is tricky. It depends on what you consider "older." You look relatively young, so older to you may not be old lol (if that makes sense). I have ALWAYS dated older men, ranging from 2-14 years older at times. Also, I am in my early 30s, so older for me is now 40 (that's my age limit). I have found that older men DO know what they want, but (someone touched on this in yesterday's post) I recently learned that men are more likely to marry between the ages of 28-33 (this is a small window of time). Once he has passed this age, the chances of him marrying decrease more and more. Therefore, since I am ready to be married, continuing to date older men may not be such a good idea for me.
However, I've been told I have an old soul, so I do tend to have more in common with older men than guys my age. But this young guy was a recent thing and he was adorable. He was so animated and green, but still intelligent and charming. It was a nice break from the norm. He's not bitter, and wants to get married (someday) and have 2.5 children and live in a house with a white picket fence and you can tell he's never had his heart broken. The naivete was somewhat of a turn on and has made me rethink my stance on dating younger men 😉
Older women are always fun.
#datingtaughtme
The best way to ensure you get some return on your investment is to go to a bar/lounge on your dates. At least you get drunk on your dime, which can have a lasting effect well after that wack date is over.
-1
Laughing Hard @BP Negative One.
Stupid Android can't reply :'(
SBM can u make an App?
dating has taught me that it is way easier to deal with men when you are honest & direct rather than dropping hints hoping they catch on
dating has taught me that I want to be with someone who has a good sense of humor who isn't afraid to look silly even in public lol
#datingtaughtme: Its ok to not date for a while
#datingtaughtme: Walking away because you aren't happy is good enough reason
#datingtaughtme: To see a new date as a clean slate but to hold on to lessons learned in the past
#datingtaughtme: I am finally ready to sit my ARSE down and just be married LOL and date my husband
#datingtaughtme: I am finally ready to sit my ARSE down and just be married LOL and date my husband
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"#datingtaughtme that you get out what you put in. Pause.
If a relationship is failing, you should be looking at yourself first. Instead of venting to your peoples about how upset the sugar-gone-sourcakes is making you, try figuring out what you could be doing better. This also applies to general affection. No Country for Sit and Wait. A closed mouth don’t get fed. You get my drift."
^^^Just had to repeat the lesson on this one.
Dating has taught me that I don't know as much as I think I do and sometimes what I see as I'm
Immature or dumb just might be a difference in opinion.
Dating also taught me that being a good guy doesn't guarantee I will be treated right just because I'm a good guy. I still have to be guarded and discerning and assertive about how I am to be treated.
Dating taught me that I have the right to have a standard. I don't have to be happy with the fact that a woman showed up and said hi. I have the right to have a preference (physical) just as anybody else does.
Dating taught me a bit more about how women see guys, mainly good guys. Some women think because I'm a good guy and I don't go straight for a woman's boyshorts, that I don't want to have sex either. Mutha. F—ing. Lie. I will tear some ***** up like a bull in a china shop once I get in there; it's just not number one on my to do list, but when I get to that item on the list, I intend to black it out with a big a** paint brush. Don't get it twiisted, I'm a good guy, not a eunuch.
Dating taught me that some women think holding out sex with me will make me respect them. Lies. I have no problem with celibacy for spiritual reasons, but in this day and age, if/when I find out they're sleeping with Tyrone, Pookie, and Ray Ray who treats them as garbage, then I lose all respect for them because of their inconsistency.
"Dating taught me a bit more about how women see guys, mainly good guys. Some women think because I’m a good guy and I don’t go straight for a woman’s boyshorts, that I don’t want to have sex either. Mutha. F—ing. Lie. I will tear some ***** up like a bull in a china shop once I get in there; it’s just not number one on my to do list, but when I get to that item on the list, I intend to black it out with a big a** paint brush. Don’t get it twiisted, I’m a good guy, not a eunuch."
Laughed out loud!!!!!! OUT LOUD!!!!!
For real, cynicaloptimist81, you don't know how many times that crap has been said, "I didn't think you were like that, I thought you were different." No, you thought I was impotent, not different. Just because I have self control and am not humping every thing that wears a skirt doesn't mean I don't have a sex drive; I just keep it out of the high gears until I get on a road where I can hit top speed. Sh** like that gets on my nerves…..
*twisted* from the earlier post.
I swear it's like once you're nice and sweet to a woman she automatically believe that you only time you want to get down is after a getting into at least 4 months into the relationship.
Haven't read all the comments but here are mine (I'm so late).
Dating taught me- If you don't think you're all the way awesome how can someone else be expected to?
Dating taught me- If a guy isn't calling or texting, he's not that into you. Next!
Dating taught me- A relationship isn't a relationship until BOTH people have made that clear. Never assume. (smh)
Dating taught me- Don't show all your cards too early. He doesn't need to need to know that you're feeling him that much.
Finally->
Dating taught me – There's such a thing as being too nice. Once you know you're not feeling somebody don't drag it out hoping your feelings may change. That rarely happens.Cut it off as soon as you know because dragging it out leads to more hurt feelings later. And no you can't be friends with everybody.
"Dating taught me- Don’t show all your cards too early. He doesn’t need to need to know that you’re feeling him that much."
Recently made that mistake for the first time … smh … wish i could turn back time.
"Dating taught me – There’s such a thing as being too nice. Once you know you’re not feeling somebody don’t drag it out hoping your feelings may change. That rarely happens.Cut it off as soon as you know because dragging it out leads to more hurt feelings later. And no you can’t be friends with everybody."
Agree 1000000%
Miss Mina
So many guys think it because it works for so many. True it doesn't work ALL time, but if works more than half the time, that's what will be picked up. Dating, like the NFL, is a copycat game. If we see a certain style of play win,there are those of us who will emulate it as much as possible if it gets us closer to that which we desire and what we see them go for. Not of all us will do that, but there's a portion of the population that will.
@Paul B When I heard @Missmina spew that, I thought of all the moments in my life where I was a gentlemen, but got no buns… So, based on my extensive knowledge, my opinion is this…
Most Women who are fat, ugly, & north of 30 LOVE gentlemen… I am sure you can do the math
All the women who make your pen!s hard, crave dominance & crave spectacular a$$holes… even the female supremacists (who pose as feminists…)
I don't want genuine gentleman & nice guys getting their hopes up just because a woman gave you false information…
And the way to win in the dating game is to copy what they successful guys are doing…
Your Thoughts…?
SSTTE
haha! ur funny…but SERIOUSLY give it a rest bro.
There are screwed up chicks out there. True.
There are screwed up dudes out there. True ….
And the conclusion is we all have had some heartaches and ur no different…
Im not gonna hug or kiss you.. this is apart of life so man up!
I say this cuz ur a lil younger than me and the last thing u need is this persona fukin' up ur chances w/ the right lady. Calm Down. Relax. GN!
#DatingTaughtMe that I still have a lot to learn and that hope and expectations are bad words.
sad but tru :-/
They aren't bad words, but can be if misapplied. Sometimes we tend to place our hopes and expectations in the wrong things. To use an analogy, if you have an expectation of five star service and dining, would you go to the most hood eating establishment you can find, where the floor is nasty, the workers are unpleasant at best, the place is out of the things you want to eat, the drink machine is down, and such? Doubtful. If you want a nice looking, consistent running vehicle with a great warranty, would you go to a bootleg car dealership that sells lemons and at best a 30 day warranty? Doubtful. Your expectation isn't bad, but you have to go where their expectation of themselves match up with yours of them.
+1
Love this!!!
Dating taught me# That love comes in all shades, shapes and sizes
Not to be ashamed of who you are.
Not to comprimise who you are.
To hold true to your personal values.
To love the fact that I am a Handsome Dark Skin Brother
To be persistant. – It paid off I am a Happly married Man now- 4 1/2 years and going
Strong.