Home About Me A Man’s Opinion Doesn’t Matter to Women

A Man’s Opinion Doesn’t Matter to Women

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Over the past few months, I’ve seen our blog, and many others, get a lot of mainstream attention in different publications. It’s a testament to the work that we do on a daily basis here. Of course on the Internet everyone has an opinion, and we definitely get slandered from time to time. I mean, I’m used to it, as I’m a veteran of Nahright and if you can survive THAT comment section, you can make it anywhere. I was reading around and came across a few women’s comment on our sites, and male driven sites in general. They suggested that they don’t need “us” to give them the black male perspective, because our perspective is misogynistic laced, women bashing rhetoric. They went on to claim that men’s opinions don’t matter, so why read? These are the same people who will go on sites like ours, and leave a comment that says “this post sucks” and keep it moving. People are entitled to opinions, whether pro or anti SBM. I just don’t get comments like the one above. It logically makes no sense.

Why would you read a blog with all male writers, if you discredit men’s opinions? That’s like a vegan reading blog posts from the Popeye’s lady on her favorite summer Cajun recipes. It’s asinine. I don’t know what some of you expect to read when you get here, but I can 100% guarantee that the blogs will be written in some way from a male point of view. If that isn’t your cup of tea, then you need to look in the upright corner of you screen, eyeball the red x, move your mouse with alacrity over the x, and left click expediently. This is not the place for you.

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Some people say there’s no reason to read our blogs to get a man’s opinion on anything, when they have men in their lives who can supply them with the proper perspective. Kudos to you! I would hope that you have a real life support system of men and women who will keep it real with you at all costs and provide you with insight into life that you don’t have. Here’s a trade secret about SBM: None of us are relationship or life experts! We are livingoffexperience, and using our keyboards and web browser to illustrate our perspective. At its core, this is entertainment. This isn’t a personal blog, but the bloggers here get personal at times. This isn’t CNN, the New York Times, BBC, or the Associated Press. This isn’t even the Huffington Posts. You won’t see case studies, 7 page articles, or the weather here (SIDEBAR: I always thought Meteorology was a sweet profession. you don’t have to be accurate EVER! You track weather patterns and give the most probable outcome. If you’re wrong, you can shrug and say “yo this weather crazy” and no one will get mad! Definitely went into the wrong science! /sidebar).

Not that we don’t have the capacity to report the news, but this is a BLOG not a news website. This isn’t a magazine. We write freely, with no regard for MLA like guidelines. Yes we may have typos and grammar errors now and again, but real talk EVERY SITE AND PUBLICATION HAS THOSE! Thank you for holding us to a higher standard, but realize that other comparable sites and sites parallel to us but in different genre’s share the same struggle.

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Finally, some people will point to phantom blogs that we write to accentuate why they no longer read “You wrote a post on why third nipples aren’t attractive. I’ll never read again!” Or, they will say that we never write anything of substance, our writing is elementary, and it is the “same old stuff” Two things. One, #WhoHurtYou?! Two, I never claimed to be J.K. Rowling, Tom Clancy, Shakespeare, or Dr. Seuss.  I’m a guy that likes to tell stories and talk to people, and use the Internet as my soundboard. We have some excellent WRITERS on this panel. To say that we don’t write anything of substance is completely off base. Honestly, our substance laced posts get the least exposure, for a myriad of reasons. When ii comes to male-female relationship posts, yes a lot of topics are rehashed and have been discussed our entire lives. The only difference is the author of the discussion. Everyone has a different perspective on these topics. Even people who share the same opinion may present their argument in different ways. This is what makes humanity unique. Also, we cannot assume that everyone has heard topics that we discussed or that every topic in life has been discussed ad nauseum. If I showed you our stats of past blogs that get read to this day, you would see what I mean. To another point, I’m sorry, but this isn’t catertoyou.com. You won’t find a daily ode to women or masterful simping. You will find real talk by real dudes on real issues. You will find the posts that herald women, and the posts that complain. We do it in real life. All men do it in real life. Why front here? For page views? I’d rather be real and our readers respect it, than front. Although catertoyou.com could be a win though… *runs to wordpress*

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This wasn’t a post to bitch or complain about negativity. If you don’t like us, fine. It costs you nothing, pay us no mind. I just wanted to address some misconceptions and claims by critics that just hold no water, and make me question why they read blogs like SBM and others. Criticism is cool. Hating is cool too. Let’s keep blogs in perspective, and remember that it is, after all, only the Internet right? It’s not like we are living in a virtual universe…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comment(121)

  1. I can't say I disagree in general. I can't understand why anyone would waste there time or effort to post a comment saying your opinion doesn't matter. Of course "preaching to the choir" can be boring so … there's that to consider. They add entertainment if nothing else.

  2. A man’s opinion doesnt matter to women

    It does matter, but to say it does, takes a huge dose of humility & understanding of a woman's limitations…

    I think eventually women will self-correct themselves… But I will not be holding my breath… I will just sample the merchandise for now…

    P.S. Looks like I will be heading to GRITS nation next month… Familial Reunion

    1. Ofcourse women care bout mens opinion, we deal with them on a regular basis and any information provided to make this task easier is appreciated. Atleast to me it does.

  3. Advice – This should be shortened and put into an about section at top so it doesn't ever have had to be addressed again.

    As for the piece itself, I doubt many readers take great umbrage with the content itself. Rather it's the presentation that normally gets panties in bunches (is that actually irritating ladies?). It doesn't help that generally speaking men and women are groomed to communicate completely different from one another.

    When women usually say things they mean how they personally feel about something. And when men say things they are generally referring to the consensus that they've observed. For example, if a couple goes to a comedy club and everyone but them isn't laughing the reaction to the performance afterwards will have a subtle, but salient difference. A woman would most likely say 'He wasn't funny.' While a man would say 'I didn't find him funny.' I'm sure some of us can see the difference between the two. I will still clarify regardless. The woman is making a definitive and unilateral statement based on how she reacted to the performance. The man on-the-other-hand is making the subtle distinction that while he may not have personally found it funny others may that don't share the same taste as him

    This line of thinking carries itself over a plethora of arenas. A more apt example for here is when men are complaining about something women do in relationships. WisdomIsMisery and DrRBD already know what I'm referring to off Twitter. If it's something women know that a great many other women do, they'll attempt to obscure or divert attention from the point by loudly and continually (if engaged in the conversation) that they don't personally do it (implying that because SHE doesn't personally do it than the discussion is moot). The example used on Twitter was paying for dates and how woman don't want double standards to end in the social setting. A couple of women, who can freely elaborate on their positions since they frequent here, went on and on about how they could take THEM specifically on cheap dates and that's all that matters. As we (read as: men) know that is completely beside the point.

    This is probably an unnecessarily long post for this topic however.

    1. All Good Points @Malik

      I am verbose myself, so I feel where you are coming from… Let me see if I can sum you up (pause)

      – Men & Women Give & Receive Communication Differently…

      Women usually come from a PERSONAL perspective (NAWALT "Not All Women Are Like That", because I am not like that)

      Men not only come from a PERSONAL perspective, but acknowledges there are other perspectives…(*)

      Now women do not play fair when it comes to arguing & debating & it plays out so nicely on blogs… (Deflections, NAWALT arguments, sometimes Ad Hominem when they REALLY have no Counter-Point…)

      We can't fix the problems between men & women, when you have women wanting to play both sides of the coin & or flat out DENIAL that a problem exists

      (*) (I Cross-Reference HEAVILY before I come to a conclusion, and slightly open to further discussion)

      SSTTE

    1. Actually, from a business standpoint. If you don't like it, please comment and tell us why.

      I'm from the Snoop school of thought. Not mad that you bought the CD, had a march and stomped them out in Times Square. All I care about is that you bought that CD.

      We appreciate that traffic.

  4. The title of this post is misleading, at least in relation to the actual content. This was more a commentary on the FEW women who talked about not needing this blog for a man's opinion or bashing it for other reasons. The fact that a significant majority of this blog's regular readers are female actually point to the opposite. Men's opinion clearly matter to women. I know negativity usually stands out but sometimes we need to throw more light on the positive :-).

    1. Okay this is how i see it.

      Women come here to get the different perspectives of how a man feels on a given topic, but if they don't outright agree with how the perspective comes across they will take a anti-approach until the argument comes to a halt. I think the title is correct, the man's opinion doesn't really matter, but what matters is how the opinion is presented … the "Steak on a trash can" argument. It's pretty easy to tell what blog topics are going to raise chaos and what ones aren't. It's sad that it's all in the writing style. It's like talking to the baby in the baby voice and with an inflecting voice "Ohhhh I hate you … Ohhh i hate you soooo very much" … The baby will smile and giggle like nothing is wrong. Ladies, this is a problem.

        1. Trust me i'm not writing presentation off completely, but there should be a much more balanced approach at looking at style and substance … Style shouldn't be everything nor should substance, but a 7 in substance and a 3 in style isn't less than a 7 in style and a 3 in substance … but some would argue that it is cuz it sounded good.

    2. Yeah, TruthBeTold has a good point. The title is misleading. The post wasn't really about that. It was about irrational ass people who read something that they claim to hate. It's about people wanting news stories from an entertainment blog. It's about people asking for diversity of topics, but being bored when said diversity is presented to them. It was a very good and necessary post, but yeah the title had me really interested and then I read it and was like "Oh…well duh" lol

      It mage me think about that episode of Ali G when he was talking to some guy about newspapers making misleading headlines in order to sell papers.

      "But can't you just say on the front page. 'War begins' and that'll get em to wanna read. Then when they open it finish it by saying, 'with a W'. Then the readers would be like, oh, well I knew that. Let's see what else is going on" lmao, man I miss that show.

  5. @Streetz who gonna check you boo? LMAOOOO

    I love you guys! And although many times I don't agree with the opinions posted, I enjoy the discussions and learn a lot from the comments! Shyt is entertaining!

  6. I think women might say that men's opinions don't matter b/c as you said the bloggers on this site have different opinions on any given subject. If a girl does something that one guy hates but another loves, should she stop that behavior on the off chance that next dude might not like it? Situations like this might be when a woman might say "eff it, imma do me." It all comes down to whether a woman believes something to be essential to her inner self or not.

    1. @Lina

      Interesting point… When it comes to attracting women, I based my whole spiel based on what the majority of women go for (Alpha Qualities), I don't build my life on the exceptions… That is why I love stereotypes & generalizations (& women do too, only when it is a GOOD stereotype), & liberally apply them…

      Now in your example their is inconclusive data, and the said woman has to keep experimenting…

      P.S. Also, getting back to Most & Keisha Brown's point,

      "when you change, your world changes" & the caliber of people you attract in your life changes… An that adds another dimension to "what works" & what doesn't

  7. Streetz just went CM Punk on that azz! I feel where you're coming from, Just remember the people who hate are the ones who probably stalk this blog the most. No matter if they love it or hate it, they continue to read every post, you've won.

  8. Word!!

    SBM is my shit! I discovered this blog about 6 mos ago and I have read it faithfully since. I almost filed a complait with HR when I discovered that the site was blocked due to explicit content.

    You men are amazing. Your perspectives are entertaining, heartwarmining, and sobering amog other things (I have an e-crush on some o' y'all!!).

    SBM is pretty much dope all around.

    No worries, some people just can't take the level of honesty that exsist here.

    Keep up the good work!!

  9. Evidently, its actually the opposite since majority of the readers/commenters here are female. Accept all the hate streetz. Use it as motivation.

  10. "If that isn’t your cup of tea, then you need to look in the upright corner of you screen, eyeball the red x, move your mouse with alacrity over the x, and left click expediently."

    Alacrity was my 11th grade English teacher's favorite word, so that^^^ sentence just made me crack up. He was a nutcase.

    But back to the matter at hand. I read this blog and others like it primarily for entertainment purposes. If I read something here that strikes a particular chord with me, I usually run it by my best male friend to get his opinion. I'm not sure why people would read a blog simply to dismiss its contents. *shrug*

  11. I care what men think…..and I always appreciate the male perspective..I mean who knows men better then other men…so, your advice is crucial…I think, a small minority of women may not care what men think (because they may be bitter)…but most women will hang on a man's every word..If he's talking about something and making sense. We are going to get in our two cents but that doesn't make anything you have said less valuable…..

    Tell 'em why you mad Streetzie..it's all love…and I am going to go google "alacrity" and see what the h*ll that means…lol.

    1. "and I am going to go google “alacrity” and see what the h*ll that means…lol."

      Just made that move 20 seconds ago … I've never seen it or heard it used … smh

      1. @BKskye @QueenT @Top5DOA

        I know I am going to sound like a complete loser, but I first learn that word existed through Princeton Review's Word Smart Book

        I studied every word from all their editions (Word Smart, Word Smart 2, Word Smart Genius Edition, & Word Smart For Business)

        That is the Logophile in me… *Turns down the sentimentality*

        SSTTE

    1. What WIM said here is awfully funny, but it's actually true for both sexes.

      Take for example academics. I struggled in school because I would always want to present my own arguments and theories and challenge the teacher. I had sound arguments, but that didn't matter in school. If you wanted to get a good grade, you had to repeat what the teacher told you. (This is one main reason why I got out of Arts and went into Science. Can't see how you can tell someone they're right or wrong about any Arts related field, but whatever.)

      Nobody likes when someone gives their opinion and it's different than theirs. They feel like you're saying they're wrong. So what WIM should have said is, a combo between him and QueenT: "Women hate being wrong and they intend on having their say." A man will have some disagree with him and they will altogether stop f*cking with that person. A woman will want to speak her side. I always tell men when they are screaming, "let me make my point" — that's a female trait. If you a man of your word and you believe in yourself, you don't need to "make your point."

      1. Your arguing with the teacher example is SO spot on! Gotta play the game. You can be right and fail, or play the game and win.

      2. You know J, and we’ve talked about this off-line somewhat, the hardest part about blogging for me is engaging people. Not because I’m not a people person, even though I’m really not, but because I dont care to change other people’s opinions.

        (Some) People come at me all kinds of sideways as if I’m speaking Gospel on behalf of God Himself instead of simply giving my opinion on a given subject. I’m rarely trying to change your opinion – and you for damn sure aint about to change mine. Otherwise I wouldnt have spoken on it. When I dont have a thorough grasp of a subject, I simply keep my mouth shut, concede defeat or my favorite line, “we will have to agree to disagree.”

        I’m not sure why people expect everyone else to think like them and everyone who does not is clearly wrong. I hate when people argue opinions as facts which is why you will find me checking out of a lot of “debates” early on in the process. Dont get me wrong, like TMIMITW says below, I’m all for intelligent, respectful debate and if you can refute my argument with FACTS, by all means, please do so and I will not only accept I was wrong, I will thank you for pointing it out. If you cant do that though, as far as WIM is concerned, you can keep it moving. We dont have to be enemies. We dont have to be BFFs either.

        – FIN –

        1. This!!—-> "I’m not sure why people expect everyone else to think like them and everyone who does not is clearly wrong."

          I couldn't agree with a more truer statement. I'm always wondering this. One of my relationships I had pretty much ended based on this premise.

        2. That’s because blogging is a form of art. The readers don’t see what’s going on in the background sometimes. I remember explaining to a fellow blogger that he needed to take out one of his valid points and through one in that he didn’t really agree with all that much, or leave room for discussion.

          If you write a blog and say, “My mans girl is crazy, she always be screaming on him.” You’ll get 1,000 comments for calling women crazy and the fact that they’ll say, “Maybe your mans is the problem and she’s just fed up.”

          If you write a blog and say, “My mans girl is crazy, she always be screaming on him about basic stuff like how come they don’t have money for renovations in the crib, vacation or to go out every now and then. He’s working two jobs and her ass sitting at home all the time. He asked her to go to work, but she said she can’t stand on her feet for longer than 30 minutes, so unless he bought her a new car and the job had no standing or walking, she couldn’t start working.”

          Wouldn’t get no comments if you explain it all the way.

    2. Ok since i disliked this, let me go ahead and comment 😛

      Some women actually like to hear your(keyword) opinions – no matter how different; they may not always agree with them, but they still want them nonetheless. I don't like that that quote said 'women…' 'Some women' would have been more appropriate.

      P.S: Instead of like/dislike, it should be 'agree'/'disagree'

      1. I'm not going to caveat every opinion I have about women with "some." It's implied. I don't know all women. I don't even know "most" women.

        Lol thanks for explaining the dislike though. I truly appreciate that. *high five*

      2. "I don’t like that that quote said ‘women…’ ‘Some women’ would have been more appropriate."

        For proper context, if I'm not mistaken, he quoted a comedian who undoubtedly uses this in his act I believe. I think there's some room to allow satire and comedic phrases to get a pass without getting too upset.

        1. "I think there’s some room to allow satire and comedic phrases to get a pass without getting too upset"

          lol I agree; I wasn't even close to being upset, I just disagreed with the statement hence the 'dislike'; imo it's a fundamentally wrong statement. Makes sense that a comedian said it though.

  12. Sometimes the truth is avoided. Some people in generally would much rather live with false assumptions then to study to show thyself approved. Although each writer is different, they are sharing it from a male's perspective.

    I have learned alot about men by reading this blog. All of it informative, some of it…a little scary :). The information that some have been living with all their life is being TORN TO PIECES on this site. You are schooling some women folk! It's scary to some women to think a lot of what they have been walking around thinking about men…IS WRONG! Some would much rather continue to live with the ingrained misconceptions they have learned all to their own demise though.

    Heaven forbid some women should actually LISTEN or READ something from a man ABOUT a man. Some would much rather live in their ignorant bliss they consider knowledge. Some may not care to realize that THEY are the reason for their fail dealings or relationships.

    Indeed ignorance is truly bliss Streetz…

    1. "Heaven forbid some women should actually LISTEN or READ something from a man ABOUT a man."

      Mmmmmmmmhhhhh *Message* … It doesn't get anymore honest here. What more can we say when we're speaking on our thoughts in relation to a topic that we're somehow involved in. Our experiences aren't wrong or right … Our perspectives can be off base and that's exactly what we should be here to discuss when appropriate. Sometimes we're off base because of miscommunication, other times we aren't off base because that's the perspective that we know and are sticking to. Everything isn't up for debate becomes the problem at times and that's a 2 way street.

    2. Y'know I think the most important thing I've learned here is how NOT to talk to a man. Each one is different and his opinion on each subject may vary ever so slightly from that of the next guy. But I've learned here that trying to convince him that I'm right (even when I am) isn't usually the smartest way to get what I want. While I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong (I've had a lot of practice), dudes aren't quick to do it. I've learned not to be argumentative and I don't want to be manipulative (which sadly works on a lot of men), but I'm still fine-tuning this communication thing.

      1. To be fair, as Top5DOA was eluding to above I believe, I don't think it's always a "right" or "wrong" thing. You believe you are right and the other party believes they are right….and both parties can actually be right depending on what perspective you're looking at it from. Unless it's something totally objective (i.e. 2+2 = 4) where there is a definitive answer it'll be hard to convince an opposing party if they're knee deep in their opinion. (think politics or religion).

        Me, personally, have no issue empathizing with the other opinion even though I may not agree, but I will at least attempt to understand where you are coming from. Honestly, I think in many cases right vs. wrong isn't the real debate….It's one party trying to prove who's MORE right. You have 2 "truths", but which truth makes more sense and/or is more logical. That's the disconnect.

        1. You're right. I'm wrong. (See how good I am?) But couldn't ya let me just have one? lol

          But for real, what I'm usually referring to is the "right" that makes the most sense, the one where both parties can essentially "win" if we just do what I say to do. Not necessarily the only good option, but the BETTER option. But it's hard to do that without it coming off as nagging, which essentially just makes a dude shut down & turn a deaf ear. Kudos to you for being able to see both sides. Too many times I've conceded the fight to a guy who wouldn't compromise and we both lost for no good reason at all. Hate to see it happen.

        2. Yea.. a lot of the arguments discussions here seem to go the way of abortion debates with each side knowing they are right.

        3. Some people know that there are more definitive answers to things than one may be comfortable admitting too.

          There are exceptions to some rules, sometimes I think most questions come with an absolute answer (if mathematics is applied). Although we all come dressed in different packages, we are all cut from the same fabric. The difference between men and woman could be summed up like this: The men are the pants of the world and the women are the shirts…both are needed to make a complete outfit, but each piece is worn differently. Yet each piece would look crazy without the other.

          Sometimes we say things like "not all men are this way" or "not all women do that" as cop-outs. It is a response thrown around loosely that rarely has deep meaning to it.

          When I hear those statements, I often wonder the ratio. Because if it's a 90/10…then that 10% really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and should be filed away as good information. If 90% of men are saying…it is what it is…A smart women will/should remember what is being learned.

        4. @Top5DOA @Keona

          There are certain stances I will not budge on simply because of the weak rebuttals…

          And I am VERY aware & understanding of what women go through… I have dissected them for a least six years now… Women's experiences pique my interest…

          But I also understand I haven't traveled much… But that will change 🙂

        5. @ Keona- No no…you're right and I was less right 😉 Great points, though, as usual.

          @Beef Bacon- Pareto's Principle will disagree with you on this one, lol! I like your shirt/pants analogy, though.

        6. @ Larry,

          In my brain, that principle does not apply in this case. I tend to look at men and women in terms of spectrums. The spectrum is full of things known to men and women. Now although everyone can be closer to one end of this spectrum as opposed to the other…they are still on the spectrum. I think most people can be at any point of the spectrum while still staying true to their gender.

          I also think that most people tend to try striving towards the center. This is why there exist the 80/20 or 90/10. My point is that learning the entire spectrum would be smart, but not to base your life on the extreme ends because that is NOT where most would fall.

          20% of men are not causing women to not know men….some women are not paying attention to the FULL spectrum that men are and that is where the disconnect happens.

        7. @ Beef Bacon,

          Nope it doesn't really apply. It was more or less a joke really I threw in there to piggy back off of your ratio statement.

          Buuuut…I can play along and say that 20% of the men out here of quality make up 80% of the successful relationships. I really don't co-sign that statement, but just having fun applying the principle to things that sound accurate in a Tyler Perry movie *shrugs*

        8. So i see ya looking at things from a LSAT/GMAT perspective on topics, eh? Which answer is MOST true type stuff. Most truths have many layers to them and the more surface level the easier it is to pick at them somehow.

          For example, i've found a lot of women to do this and it's irritating as hell…

          I say look, i'm not digging you like that for Reason #1, Reason #2, Reason #3, and Reason #4. All truthful reasons, but since i work from a most important to least important basis when i'm verbally listing things Reason #4 is usually the easiest Reason to take exception with. So obviously #1-3 will be ignored and #4 will be attacked in order to unsubstantiate my total claim this is a nit picky tactic and very flawed in it's approach.

          Attacking the surface layer when it's riddled with deeper thought is just an admission of defeat.

    3. Bacon FTW.

      I think people need to consider we are dealing with a new breed of people. So if the thoughts you have in your head about how the opposite chex come from 'tradition' you might be updated.

      One time this chick was ripping into SBM b/c he said he like his lady waxxed. Her excuse was that we were too influence by the internet and that hairy squirrels were good enough for our fathers.

      We are not our dads and our opinions shouldn't be limited to what they think. Just like we are not what you had in your head.

  13. I swear the women Streetz is talking about, are the same women that scream "N!&&as aint sh!t" as soon as something goes wrong. Don't try and play the captain role here…let 'em drown.

  14. I'd hate to think that anybody (male or female) loses sleep over a blog post. I don't always like what I read here & I certainly wouldn't make a life-altering decision because of a comment made on a blog by a person who doesn't even know me. But it's entertainment, and when I read carefully, I even learn something new every so often. Nothing more, nothing less.

  15. Here’s a trade secret about SBM: None of us are relationship or life experts!

    Here's a trade secret: no one is a relationship or life expert!

    Truth Be Told says: "The title of this post is misleading, at least in relation to the actual content."

    Perhaps a bit misleading; several men and women disagree with the posts, and that's all good. I assume this is more for the trolls than women in general. It just appears most of the trolls lately have been women when a topic gets their panties in a bunch.

    But they do not have to click the X with great alacrity. Every once in a while, doing this is fun!

    https://www.singleblackmale.org/2010/09/07/dating-

    1. The thing about blogs are the trolls can sometimes make you lose sight of the real women. when I first started reading blogs I was amazed at some of the comments made by women.I had always known a large % of quality women, and these comments almost made me lose sight of the fact most women don't think this way.

      1. Truth.

        Also maybe it's because I've only been here a couple of weeks, but I haven't really seen/heard any women go on about how they don't need to hear the male perspective. People disagree on certain points, but that should never be taken personally or as a diss against the entire male population.

  16. Yo! I would like to bring attention to the low comments this morning. I also agree that the viewpoints shared here can really shift some shit.

    Disclosure: I had not "dated" men for ten years. No man hating, was instead enjoying women. When I got back on the male-female dating scene I felt like a teenager again.

    Though, I had my previous dating/relationship experiences with women, they are two completely different animals. I had to ease myself slowly back into the ease and comfort of it all. Additionally, I was fortunate enough to engage some exceptionally, emotionally expressive men. A few of them had been married before and shared with me powerful lessons on love.

    Those relationships and SBM have been solely responsible for me committing myself to being a "partner" in love with my man and not some judgmental, crazy, insecure (working on it), overbearing girlfriend who is more focused on herself than finding the balance and bringing that to my relationship.

  17. "Everyone has a different perspective on these topics. Even people who share the same opinion may present their argument in different ways. This is what makes humanity unique."

    This is exactly why I love reading blogs and talking to people on the internet. Yes, there is a ton of foolishness on the interwebz but there is alot of great discussion as well. I love hearing the thoughts and perspectives of people that are a different race, gender, religion or from a different geographical region than me and the internet is the perfect place for that.

    1. "This is exactly why I love reading blogs and talking to people on the internet. Yes, there is a ton of foolishness on the interwebz but there is alot of great discussion as well."

      Agreed!

    2. I agree with you, its more about the interaction in the comments than anything else for me on most sites. I don’t agree with a lot of things said in posts or in comment fields, and I don’t seek advice online but I do have relationships with a few people that I discuss topics with on the side/offline. blogs are thought provoking if nothing else.

      I am not even super feminist but I do seek most advice about ways to improve me, from other women. its not to say men’s opinions don’t matter, but I definitely am not the type to cling on to every word said.

      either way, different perspectives are what makes the world go around, and I love that.

  18. 1) This blog is way to diverse in opinions to ever make those kind of comments about.

    2) The key to the blog is the interaction with women in the comment section. You guys really have alot of respect for commentors. Heck you guys even had a female writer for a while when RCLS was on sabbatical

    3) You guys may not be relationship experts, but from what I know, you do better at them than people are willing to give you credit for. From what I know atleast, you guys do waaay better than the people who bash you.

    4) The best is when people try to compare this blog to other popular blogs out there. Them ho3s be taking shots at you all on other blogs. Them other dudes can be the nice guys, I know who the real are

    5) The best is when the haters got out of line at the DC event. No homo. No homo. Pause and all of that. But the commentary was outlandish. "I can't believe the SBM writers are so handsome. From their writing you would think they would be bitter about rejection." Pause x Life. If "getting money, getting poomps, well spoken" ninjas think this way… doesn't completely validate your opinions?

    1. “I can’t believe the SBM writers are so handsome. From their writing you would think they would be bitter about rejection.”

      Whaaaa?! Really?

      *smh*

    2. I don't comment a whole lot during the day, but I read a lot of the other sites and see what the chicks say. It's a funny thing to see people bashing you like they don't know where to find you. I'm plugged into the matrix more than people think. This comment resonated with me and made me recall all the things I see and hear behind the scenes that if I shared publicly would have folks vanishing like Reina. I'm sure that name rings a bell for some of you.

      People often forget that bloggers are people. We may be thicker-skinned due to the nature of what we do here, but we're still people.

      I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter because I'ma still write posts, respond to readers, make dreams reality, change lives, and end up happily married. I can only hope that the chatterboxes are able to do the same.

    3. Wowwwww…this cant be serious. Ugly & bitter….because…*never mind*. This makes absolutely no sense. SBM blog>>>>>>>>>>>that other blog (you know which one)

        1. @Star there is not plenty for us to eat in this blog game…im usually more diplomatic but I stick to my passion with this one. These days everyone is a blogger…there are a trillion blogs out here. However, there are not many black male perspective blogs worth reading. I feel like I have to be loyal to my fav.

      1. Mika is like Snoop at the Source Awards in 95'. "N*ggas ain't got no love for SBM!!??? Well let it be known theen"

        In all seriousness… appreciate your passion but I don't think it's a >/< sorta thing. We're all just trying to follow our passions and be great.

        1. @Most Lmao haha!

          I agree & I too want everyone to follow their dreams & be great… Seriously, no shots fired. but still #teamSBM all day.

    4. But Yo Cheekz … that last line is gospel but a lot of folks will over look it because of the one that preceded it.

      Like, if we're living the dream … and then we're telling you that this is how we got here … and this is how all of our male friends (who don't blog but are also living the dream) got here too … why wouldn't you at least consider the possibility that we might be on to something? That's what I don't understand about trolls.

    5. Can't tell you enough how a word count can be crippling. Most times when I meet readers and we go over my posts that they took serious offense to, they end up agreeing wholeheartedly with me. Like Streetz said, it's a blog not a dissertation. People are quick to tell us to go to hell, but they don't realize the difficulty of it all.

      It comes with the territory tho…

      1. That is the irony of it all. I love those moments in life where somebody disagrees with you on the surface, you two discuss it and they end up making your point for you. When done in person, the look on their face is priceless.

        Also, if they can't tell how difficult it is for you to do what you do, then it means you've done a hell of a job. Keep it up, gentlemen.

  19. I adore this site and appreciate everything that is posted.

    I admit I cannot not always relate but for the most part is great to come to a blog and see 4-5 beautiful black men giving the truth as they know it.

    I think more than anything like people have said up thread I read because I do care what men think. I don't have to agree but its always good to know how a man sees things.

    I can also admit that I've seen myself in so many of the posts and learned a lot about myself (what I do well,what I can improve on, and what simply I will not compromise). Sometimes you guys make me feel old as hell though lol.

    Good ish Streetz!

      1. Mika – why didn't you tell me I had all those dang typos I need to start using that 2 minute edit before it expires LOL

        1. Lol! I didn't even notice. But I did want to add that the opinions of men do matter! I was shocked to see all that trash from women on other blogs!

      1. Oh my bad – please forgive me – no shots – I am just going off pics of the 5 I see post regularly – but they are beautiful too I'm sure! *heehee

    1. "I can also admit that I’ve seen myself in so many of the posts and learned a lot about myself (what I do well,what I can improve on, and what simply I will not compromise)."

      Cosign!

  20. “If that isn’t your cup of tea, then you need to look in the upright corner of you screen, eyeball the red x, move your mouse with alacrity over the x, and left click expediently.”

    Okay I just choked on my bagel…. lol

    I wouldn't say a man's opinion doesn't matter to women because in truth — it really does, but I think it's all in the presentation how you guys opinion tend to come across that seem to get some females riled up.

    I for 1 definitely enjoy reading you guys perspective/opinions on any and everything, now do I take it as GOSPEL all of the time? NO!! but it's interesting to read you guys different approach to a topic while basically delivering the same answer.

    Between this site and my older brother it definitely helped so that I can easily navigate through this Crazy Azz Dating Maze.

    1. This presentation thing is odd to me. It’s like women want you to sit down and give them dating advice like you reading them their STD test results. “How are you doing? How’s your day? Everything cool? Sit down, have a cup of water. So I called you to let you know that I have your results and I wanted to go over them with you. Seems like you aren’t ratchet after all. But here’s some tips on preventing you from catching ratchet. Stay away from ratchet women, and always ask your partners if they’ve been tested for ratchet recently. I know you didn’t get a shot today, but here’s a glass of champagne and a red button that every time you press it says you’re beautiful.”

      I think we are more like estheticians, what you do to ease the pain before you get here or after you leave is on you, but we ain’t handing out no painkillers or free alcohol. At the same time though, it’s hard to find a good esthetician out here these days.

  21. Streetz muh'man…………coming frm a woman, "you aint said nothin but the truth"!! I don't know if it started off in nature, or if it's been nutured but *sigh* a vast majority of the female population won't listen worth a damn!!! I think some actually can't?! Even as a woman i've hit a wall when trying to explain/express my view to another female. I will literally say I see what you mean….express it in other words so the see that I get it…..and THEN state my diff view and why I feel as such….only to be met with a blank stare, attitude and a reply that reallu makes me dpubt their brain capacity. I'm talking an assumption (emphasis on the ass) totally out the ballpark of what I stayed clearly in proper english with definitions, sidenotes and references!!! Some mofos just never gon be wrong in their own eyes, no matter what logic or proof to the contrary. As for the comments some folks feel their opinion is weighted in gold and as neccessary to life as oxygen, they wld be cruel to not share with us who are in need………. You ainn kno?? -_-

    1. I really need to quit rushing while replying frm my phone. Pardon my errors. Oh!!! I have an idea for a topic!!! Can I share!? Lol I'd love to see the diff views from of all you guys and not sure if you've ever touched on this one? I may have missed if you did… So do I send an email or what?? 🙂

  22. "Why front here? For page views?"

    Ya know what… like you mentioned, it seems like the content that women HATE gets ya'll more page views than the ish women love. Maybe it's frustration, maybe it's the drama… maybe it's a combo of both. Also, I think it hits folks a little harder when they can personally relate to a specific topic on a blog post.

    But, yeah, I think the key to visiting any blog from the male-perspective is to know that it is just that… a perspective. It's not gospel, but at the same time, it's not all garbage either. Just take it all in like you would anyone else's advice/stories.

    1. "Also, I think it hits folks a little harder when they can personally relate to a specific topic on a blog post."

      No Doubt About It!!!!!

  23. My solution to everything is to just be great. I don't believe in engaging trolls too much, I've always been of the "my work will speak for itself" mold. It does get a little frustrating though, particularly when people clearly don't read though the whole piece, or judge the entire site based on one particular post. Still though, what else can you do besides continue to be great and push toward being greater? That's the only option really.

    I would like to point out though – there's a difference between trolling and valid criticism. There are times when we receive feedback that is highly critical and highly accurate. I appreciate those comments. I appreciate when someone thoroughly reads something we've written and tells us – eloquently – why it's b.s. So if you're one of those people, keep that coming.

    But yeah … to my SBM comrades and all the other bloggers who really go hard… Reecie, Max, Lala, Panama and TheChamp, NC17, Cheekie, RedLady, Muze, Tunde and all the other folks I read almost daily … let's just continue to combat trolling and unfounded criticism with greatness.

    1. Awwww, thanks Most! *hugs hugs hugs* Same to you!

      And I agree that valid criticism is needed. Any less would be boring. lol There is definitely a difference between that and trolling. The latter, doe? SMDH…

  24. Just co-signing my love for SBM. Seriously, I follow a good number of blogs but this is pretty much the only one I comment on (and I don't even comment here as often as I would like to). The reason for that is two-fold. 1. I really like what SBM writers have to say. Y'all aren't relationship experts, but you are honest and open and allow yourselves to be somewhat vulnerable to this audience. That's commendable and appreciated in these e-streets. 2. The commenting section on SBM is in a whole 'nother class compared to other blogs out there. No hate – just saying. The posters on this site (both regulars and us sporadic commentors) have legitimately GOOD discussion and it brings out a completely new dimension to the posts. On other parts of the internet…goodness I can't even get through comments because all I'm thinking is "this can't be real life."

    Keep doing what you're doing – your opinions matter, to me at least 🙂 you take everything with a grain of salt – use what you can and kindly push the rest away. After awhile, you realize who's just trolling for attention; I usually just skip over those comments.

    1. I have to agree about the writers as well as the commentors. Whenever I tell anyone about this blog, I praise you guys sincerely. I.love.intelligent.and.insightful.people!!! When I say go look, go read..I'm sure to add that it is NOT a site full of ignorance and random unnecesaary profanity/ vulagirty and all out raunchiness. No matter what the topic the SBM fam pretty much handles it with a fairly upstanding style all its own. Love x 3!

  25. I cannot tell you how much I agree with Streetz the most when he says, "This is a blog."

    A blog (a blend of the term web log) is a type of website or part of a website. Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. Blog can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

    Most blogs are interactive, allowing visitors to leave comments and even message each other via widgets on the blogs and it is this interactivity that distinguishes them from other static websites.

    Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (art blog), photographs (photoblog), videos (video blogging or vlogging), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts.

    As of 16 February 2011, there were over 156 million public blogs in existence.

    Missing in most of these conversations is that a blog shouldn't be the NY Times or Time Magazine, a blog could be a part of those, but that's not what it is. On the side, I remember when we had a spell with the story posts and I said offline to the cats, "hey man, this is a blog, we need to be blogging." That's just how I am. I like to remind people why we're here. A blog is just a platform to sound off on something. You can be right or wrong, but that's how you feel. People read someone's blog because they want to see what THEY think. That's the main reason behind it. I could read a blog on one person's Metro commute in DC and love it because it's just about how that writer sees it. People come here looking for evidence of mental defects in women and that's just not the case.

    99% of all blogs start like this:

    1) I was thinking about something and thought i'd write this…
    2) I was having a conversation and found this interesting and thought i'd share…
    3) I experienced this recently and wanted to share my thoughts here…

    The other 1% is because Black people love to talk:

    1) People love talking about this ish… (That's your posts on Religion, Complexion, Did OJ do it? Was those MJs kids? HBCUs vs. PWIs? NPHC vs. GDI? iPhone vs. BB vs. Droid) That's only 1% of the blogging world and not really blogs as much as conversation starters.

  26. The title is true; women most of the time do not care what a man's opinion on a subject may be. The man's job is to simply listen and propose a question that would let her speech continue.

    "I dont know, Tay Rock has been treating me like a second-class citizen Paul, I can't take it!"

    As a man, Paul would try to answer her question using man logic, which is different from woman logic. ***Women are not ILLOGICAL, they just think in a different way; apples and oranges.*** Men like to problem solve, but in this case all Paul should really say is:

    "Why do you FEEL like a second-class citizen?" Then she will proceed with further explanation.

    The only time a man should ever state his opinion is if it means serious $$money$$ business that effects him as well or she literally asks,"what is your opinion?". Anything else is wasted breath. And God help you if you try to convince a stubborn woman she is wrong about anything; you will get every excuse and half-truth in the book thrown at you.

    Maternal instinct, blaming someone else, Age =/= wisdom, personal and anecdotal experience, inner contempt, blah blah bliggidy blah.

  27. I hate when the deeper/substance topics get less exposure/comments. But I feel that way about this in general/real life.

    I value a mans opinion, I will ask for advice but in the end if I want to dye my hair pink, I will do so (I actually will never do that, but you get the point).

    Ladies, seek advice from men, take it for what its worth–thats a golden rule with opinions from anyone, not just men. Of course, you might have men in your life to get opinions from but its great to be able read perspectives from a blog full of men who don't know you; its unbias & fresh.

    At first glance it is possible to think that some of the writers here are misogynist, but trust if you take a 2nd look it becomes clear that theyre not.

  28. Let me just address a few things

    1) I wasn't mad when I was reading this, I was more annoyed (total difference). I chose to speak out when others didn't or didn't want to, because I was sick and tired of the BS

    2) I wasn't talking about trolls. They are their own beast. Im talking about the people who suck off bloggers who cater to them. Im talking abbout people who get mad at you for your opinion. Who tell YOU about YOUR realism, on a topic YOU speak about, from YOUR perspective! Unless you are Charles Xavier, Jean Grey, or Sookie Stackhouse, miss me with the feaux telepathy.

    3) The title was only misleading because you assumed that I would go one way wit the blog and I went another. My blog title was actually relevant. I just chose to talk about this particular medium and not face to face interaction, or interaction within a relationship.

    Great comments though!

  29. Late to the SBM Game today, I see what you're saying Streez but I had no idea that some women were complaining about the SBM posts to that degree. Coming over here and stating that your opinion isn't needed is akin to Baby Boy's girlfriend screaming "I hate you"! She says she hates him because she loves him and really just wants some attention. Maybe you're not giving some of your readers the response and/or attention they "need" to feel validated to continue to visit this site. I'M JUST SAYIN….I hope no one hunts me down by my IP Address and shoots darts at me for that comment.

    I love the SBM site, continue to do what you do best!

    1. "Maybe you’re not giving some of your readers the response and/or attention they “need” to feel validated to continue to visit this site."

      And herein lies the problem Red. This is a blog. We care what our readers think so I won't front. This isn't so much a personal blog (anymore) as its a blog of collective thoughts. If we have to go the extra mile to make ppl "feel validated" to visit, then that shows a weakeness in writing which I know and is evident that we do NOT possess!

      Im not going to hand hold and coddle through my posts. I state an opinion and we can discuss. I encourage dissention. Conversation is better that way. Just don't be thesame ppl saying our opinions are consistently bs and then still visit. Definition of insanity to me. lol.

      Thanks Red

  30. Wow Streetz… I feel everything your saying….simply put if folks don't like what your saying then stop reading it….that simple.

    No need to even comment extensively or at all about why they don't like it, just stop reading and read something more to your liking.

    Also folks need to not be so uptight and take it for what it is…opinions and jokes and free speech and how yall are feeling.

    Vehemently disagreeing and bashing each other is not how we change other peoples opinions to ours……im just sayin.

    Keep doing what ya doin brotha's….I like it….*smile*

  31. I never understood the outrage some have when they visited or read the site. This place seems more balance and laid back when compared to the other blogs out there online. Of course you have the exceptions from time to time, but for the most part this blog have actual discussions, not folks battling it out to see who can throw the biggest personal online jab at the other one.

    I think you should just chalk it up to haters gonna hate.

  32. This post does NOT surprise me, lol. I knew it was coming…just wasn't sure from who. I've been swamped at work…couldn't read all the posts like I normally do…so my bad if this has been said.

    I can't win any organized game playing by my rules right out the gate. I've gotta let go of my idea of how to play the game and learn the official rules of the game first…then work in my personal tricks. I might even be able to work in an ammendment or two (depending on the players)…but I've gotta understand the rules fully first so I can intelligently justify why its necessary. Getting mad and arguing about the rules that you haven't accepted as rules is really dumb…you'll never win that way. At the end of the day, the end all be all of the arguement will always be, "those are the rules". Is it real to complain about whack rules from time to time? Yup. But, who wants that player on the team who's always whining and complaining…missing plays…quitting…sour attitude????? Nobody. That's who.

    SBM is like a man manual…exposing the rules of manhood. Are there varying interpretations here and there? Of course. But, for the most part, the rules are co-signed by men. What they say is rarely different (regarding the overall points…the specifics can be debated, lol) from what my close male friends/relatives say. The coolest rule of theirs is that women really hold the majority of the cards! Learning that one completely changed my personal rules and the way I approach the game.

  33. Well I enjoying reading and commenting, even though I don’t always see eye to eye with everyone I can respect the diversity of opinions stated. Some women have a hard time listening. They want the truth from a man; they get the truth from a man and then get mad when it's not what they want to hear. Women the truth hurts sometimes. Would you rather come on this site and have a bunch of men feeding you bs, or come on here and hear the truth so that you have a little better understanding of men. Trust SBM wouldn’t have such a high readership (especially female) if we didn’t want to get a glimpse of how the male mind works.

    Not saying the writers are always right or you have to agree with them on everything but just because they post something that you don’t agree with doesn’t mean its trash.

    1. Part of it is that SOME look to blogs like this and read certain books not to understand men, but to understand how to control them. When it doesn't work out like that, that's when it gets ugly around these parts, though it's usually easy to tell which ones are here for that.

  34. Personally; i don't have any deep opinion on any of you posters, that's too much emotion for me to shed out and i can't do that; but some of your opinions matters otherwise you would not have so many readers and the numbers are growing everyday 🙂

  35. I'm pretty new to this site but i have not read one article that i didn't love!! Firstly you guys crack me up and secondly i like that most post are candid and real. As a fellow blogger occupying my tiny tiny corner of the net, I respect the art form a blogging. I do alot of writing from the point of view of a single black woman so its great to see the other side of the coin.
    My recent post I like my coffee black… and my men too!!!!

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