Home Featured News Flash: Black Men Still Winning

News Flash: Black Men Still Winning

Yes sir ... you are winning

**** Editor’s Note ****
I started this site almost 4 years ago. I named the site after myself.  I was a single black male.  I had no plans to stay that way, but it seemed fitting and I was loving being single. I was a young black male professional in DC. I was walking around being stupid and loving it.  But I knew it wouldn’t last.

Today I announce the death of the original Single Black Male.  What do I mean … SBM is engaged.

After 2+ years of commitment, it’s time for that next step in life.  I finally found that person, I finally sucked it up and bought a ring, and I’m still fighting over the wedding I don’t want.

So, moving forward call me SBM, Sean Blackman (my pen name … #GetIt), or simple “The Man” … I’m dropping the single.

My friend emails me and some other people a link about minorities (aka Black Folks) trying to start tech companies.  Somehow, the emails soon turn to talk of dating and black women.  That is the nature of the male mind … everything somehow leads to women.

One of my friends dropped this gem from the Wall Street Journal: An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage

I read the article not knowing what to expect. Besides advocating the racial exploration of Black women, this article pointed out a lot of interesting (although apparently not 100% correct) facts and hypothesess.

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Black women are less likely to be married than their white counterparts

Big news … right?  Looking at the population, the percentage of white women who have never been married is about half that of their black counterparts

Black women are the least likely to date outside their race

I noticed this since day 3 of undergrad. Not only do black women hate the idea of personally dating outside the race, but they passionately hate (like yell hate slurs our of their car window mad) to see a black man with a woman of any other race.

The Answer: Black women should date outside their race

Long story short, there aren’t enough black men and we are getting comfortable with dodging marriage. Since there are plenty of fish in the sea, why stop fishing. It’s easy to get fat when there is plenty of good food to eat, right?  In addition to adding a bunch of available men to black women’s dating prospects, it will also cause us to “act right”.  Once we see that we aren’t the only option and aren’t as desired as we used to be … instant case of “act right”. No comment …


But with all of the things that were being presented, with all of the interesting statistics being thrown at me, and with all of the pro-interracial propaganda, personally I could only really focus on one thing:

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Black men are still winning

Yes, we still are killing it in the dating world. We still got the power and can still justify our egos.  We still are highly desired and in minimal numbers.  If we get tired, we can be on to the next one before the “ex” is out the door.  If we get afraid of committing … no problem … we’ll just “date” for 5 years straight with no labels and the option to smash other people.  When your winning … you make the rules.

It’s like a bunch of airplanes and not enough pilots.  Suddenly pilots can take 5 weeks of vacation, demand higher pay, and fly with a different airline everyday of the week.  If the pilot won’t commit to your airline, what are you going to do? Time to step your game up and show them the benefit of your airline.

A good professional black man is (sadly) a rare gem.  As one, I don’t see enough of us at work, at the gym, on the bus, or in school. It’s sad, it’s a shame, and it is a terrible terrible thing for the forward movement of the black race.

But … it does mean that for the ones of us who make it through every social-economic-cultural barrier to “making it” … the world is ours.

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And that’s it.

– SBM aka “WTF are you talking about winning … ain’t you engaged?!?!” aka “No need to keep winning when you’ve already won”


  1. i don't see how i'm supposed to be 'winning', when i still have to search for that top shelf when it seems like there's nothing but bottom shelf and MadDog 20/20…but i guess you have a point.

    who assumes the mantle of the "single black man" then? lol…the rest of the writers?

    and of course, congrats sir *Salute*

    1. I respectfully disagree with Jamilah, simply because marriage is not an important step for BM like it is for BW… We have different biological imperatives… That is why men getting married is a non-issue.

      The media can use marriage to make men uncomfortable like women…

      And of course, I will argue that women are the ones who don't care about marriage, it is more about the wedding & the ring… Not the lifetime commitment

      1. Not entirely true Adonis…we also care very much about the dress…the honeymoon…and of course the presents. LMBO…j/k…j/k 😉

        1. Love you @Seven

          I have a wedding fantasy that I would be speeding in a Lamborghini Gallardo listening to <a> Speedin' Remix & I would be getting chased by padi cops & helicopters on the way to my wedding…

          I will leave that on Fantasy Island <DEL> I will give a woman a wedding, but no marriage license </DEL>


    Much ✞✡☪ BLESSINGS ☪✡✞ sent your ➫➫ way for your ★☆★❧❦ENGAGEMENT❦❧★☆★

  3. Congratulations to you both on the engagement!

    So for the honeymoon…are you buying the plane ticket?


    1. He put a ring on it…means what's his is now hers!!! Basically no matter what the original source of the funds…she's buying the ticket!!!


      Yo SBM…I forgot to hit u with the african blessingw earlier. So all that and more *daps* May your all your 'togethers' merry and bright cos this is xmas come early. My regards to 'the' missus 🙂

  4. ***FIRST!!! Let me say Congrats on your Engagement!!***

    BACK TO THE POST! Black men are winning?

    You think so? Oh ok..

    seriously, I gotta LOL@ "A good professional black man is (sadly) a rare gem."

    I happened to be in the car when my cuzzo told my newly graduated male cuz almost the same thing. Funny as hell2me.. most guys like these are too egotistical for my taste..

    I believe Adonis talked about how women have more beta male options than alphas…OK…AND?

    WTF? Who cares what type of man he is as long as he's a good, secure,God fearing (yeah I said it!) gentleman that loves me. In my opinion..

    Seriously you guys need a reality check.. playing games in relationships (real/or not) is NOT WINNING…smh

  5. He put a ring on it…what's his is officially hers!!! Basically that means no matter the original source of the funds…she's buying the ticket! Lol


    May all your 'togethers' always be merry sbm. my regards to the missus 🙂

  6. He put a ring on it…means what's his is now hers!!! Basically no matter what the original source of the funds…she's buying the ticket!!!


    Yo SBM…I forgot to hit u with the african blessings earlier. So all that and more *daps* May your all your 'togethers' merry and bright cos this is xmas come early. My regards to 'the' missus 🙂

  7. Good Morning EBM (Engaged Black Male),

    SBM is engaged.

    At least you know the risk of getting into a marriage agreement 2011, so I assumed you came in with a clear mind & an optimistic heart… I hope it works out for you… It should…


    Warning: For all the Beautiful QUALITY Black Women who peruse this blog faithfully, I am not talking about you, its dem itches over there 😉

    Black women are less likely to be married than their white counterparts

    When I read this, no. 1 reason I think is economic standing of black men where a significant portion of bm are not in a financial position to be married & no. 2 is cultural examples , You just don't see tons of black married couples like in your neighborhood

    It is what it is…

    Black women are the least likely to date outside their race

    With the exception of Asian Women, just about every race of women is more tribal & "loyal" (loose sense) to their men… Anybody has any good reason why that is…

    Black women should date outside their race

    Yes & No… I don't need to repeat myself, but I will, I am pro American Black Women marrying Non-Black Men… Simply because In My Humble Astute Opinion:

    Most American Black Women are NOT Marriage Material

    There is no malice in that statement, this is just the conclusion that I have come to thus far… And I hope that black women make the effort to improve themselves, if they want quality black men

    Most black women don't have the beauty &/or the swag to date out like black men can…

    The type of Black Women, decent Non-Black Men go for, is same type of Black Women, decent Black Men go for also.

    Quality women of any races will always have quality suitors trying to give them rings & titles…

    1. Because they look good.

    2. Because they know how to be an effective helpmate to a man.

    3. Because a few h*es can be become housewives

    Black men are still winning

    This is a fallacious statement to me… Even if 50% of black men are winning in the dating world, it still doesn't validate the statement… It sounds like an Apex Fallacy at best…

    (Where you use a small elite number of black men who are WINNING to assume that most black men are winning in similar fashion)

    What Black Men do have is LEVERAGE and I think you were alluding to that… So black men don't HAVE to get it together like Black women do…

    Note: If the roles were reversed, and Black Women were in our position, they would abuse it too, don't believe me, go to a dating event when the ratios heavily benefits women There are fatties & fuglies who think they are Kelly Rowland & Wankaego Bless You Wisdom Khalifa

    So, men don't allow women to make you feel a certain way for being a HOT Commodity…

    Nerdy Black Men with resources in general need Game to get the women that they want…

    And Thuggish, SWAGnificent Black Men already have what it takes to attract & keep women

    EBM, I hope that you find eternal marital bliss, and give your dream woman as many orgasms her body can handle…

    Super Saiyan To The End

    1. "If the roles were reversed, and Black Women were in our position, they would abuse it too…"

      I have said the exact same bloody thing..

      Probably in 50 yrs EVERYTHING will be in reverse and Blk women will have the upper hand (insert evil laugh)… LOL 😉

      @Adonis: kudos@ur statement*

    2. The opinion here coupled with the logic behind it is sound. I can't necessarilly disagree with this at all…save a couple things here or there, but I understand the context you are referring to that others may not…solid thought here, man.

    3. @Adonis: The majority of your points are pretty good here! *chops off fingers for typing that, slits throat, slumps over keyboard*

      Black Women are Least Likely to Date Outside of their Race: This is an interesting idea to ponder. For me, I'm trying to figure out why I never really have dated a white guy (I've dated Spanish but somehow I feel like that doesnt count. #minoritystruggle maybe?) One part of it is that they rarely approach me, (It averages to about 2-3 white boys a year give or take) and I'm too shy when it comes to guys to really blatantly express interest (read: holla lol) at them first, let alone a guy of another race whom I don't even know if he likes black chicks or not!

      An even bigger factor is my Daddy though. He's from that Black Panther era (in fact I'm pretty sure he had some loose affiliation with them #yikes) and when I was younger he flat out told me he was against the whole interracial thing. I can't fathom/wouldn't even know how to handle not having his support…I wonder if fathers/parents are a factor in any of the ladies' choices in dating…

      I won't even really delve into my issue with ur Most American Black Women aren't Marriage Material/They Don't Have the Beauty/They Need to Improve Themselves nonsense though. All I'll say is if that's indicative of the black females you or any of the guys who share those particular sentiments with you are surrounded by, yall really must raise your standards and stop letting hoodrats into your circles… And for goodness sake stop generalizing! Its such a cop out.

      1. @MissMina

        I can see how your father might pose a wall to you dating out… I have a gay friend who is very black militant, (he doesn't want white people TOUCHING him) and even though he is cool with me checking for white women, he really passionate hates white people & everything that they represent… You might want to have long conversations with him before you bring that non-black man home to visit…

        I won’t even really delve into my issue with ur Most American Black Women aren’t Marriage Material/They Don’t Have the Beauty/They Need to Improve Themselves nonsense though. All I’ll say is if that’s indicative of the black females you or any of the guys who share those particular sentiments with you are surrounded by, yall really must raise your standards and stop letting hoodrats into your circles… And for goodness sake stop generalizing! Its such a cop out.

        You know I won't let your fine darkskin self get away without a proper rebuttal… I know it rattle BW when I generalize that most can't date out & I don't see most as marriage material… & I understand…

        One of the things you need to do today, that all black women need to stop doing today, is blindly identifying with each other esp. in the face of malfeasance (*No Dr. J*)… Cause when you do that, you set yourself up to be unfairly stereotyped…


        Maybe this blog has a high concentration of marriageable black women, IDK, but from a what BLACK MALES & myself deem as wifey material, most BW don't make the cut…, and natural beauty has very little to do with it


        And that is Black men speaking… I am very interested to know what average non-black men define as marriage material, and how many black women measure up to that standard… (Where having Euro-centric features/lightskin plays more of a role)

        See marriage material from a male POV, and consider the fact that you maybe one of a few women who fit that line-up…

        You sleep better & will feel less inclined to slit your throat <DEL> at least, let me beat first, I might be able to change your mind </DEL>

        1. Right…

          Read everything you said. I still disagree with you lol. Especially since you're what 22? You're still a baby. How many black woman experiences could you possibly have had? #Youneedmorepeople

          And who says I'm "blindly identifying" with anyone? I disagree with generalizing any group of people: black, white purple, male, whatever.

          My advice to you remains. Stop rolling with hoodrats.

    1. I gotta co-sign Muze here! I read this and was thinking sheesh I wanna congratulate him on the wonderful news, and subsequently scold him for bragging about the obvious…Booooo!!! LoL

      At any rate, *sprinkles my love and blessings fairy dust all over your union* Congrats hun!

  8. lmao. I made some stupid giggly girly girl actions & noises when I read the editor's note. Congrats, Sean B! Wish you all the best, and a fabulous weddingthatyoudon'twant.

    As for the rest of the post. Um..I'm happy for y'all..I guess?

  9. Congrats on the engagement SBM!

    As far as the post goes, I don't think interracial dating is the solution to the problem of low marriage rates among Black women (which I don't personally think is a problem, but I'm coming from a very different mindset than most women). If other races are marrying more than us, than they are taking up the marriageable men in their race as well, so it really doesn't open up that many more prospects. Also, since the majority of people marry within their own race, crossing the color line actually increases one's competition. I think black women should just be the best women that they can be, date who they're attracted to and just live life.

    1. @MusicLover

      I think black women should just be the best women that they can be,

      They are NOT listening!!!

      date who they’re attracted to and just live life.

      Now, here lies the problem… I am not going to advocate women dealing with unattractive men… No no no… But clearly, this line of thinking gotten many of black women in precarious situations where men bounce & kids suffer…


    I figured from your several wedding/engagement ring whiney posts that you were at least thinking about. That's awesome dude.

    As for the rest of your post, I must express the same sentiment as my lovely SpelSis, Muze…



    1. I wouldn't call them whiney, but I have no desire to go through the process of getting married, I just want to be married.

      I promise more black men would get married if they could literally just wake up and be married without all the BS.

      1. Lol that's funny. I don't need or particularly want a ceremony but it seems like most men I meet are into the big church wedding thing. The bloggers/male commenters here continuously baffle me. But congrats!! And good luck & many blessings & blah blah…you know what I mean 🙂

  11. Congratulations!!! Always excited to hear good things happening to good people. I wish you both the best.

    As far as the post…I'm with Nia and Muse, boo! 😉 Lol.

  12. Congrats!!

    I have five black male friends who have gotten married this year or will in the coming year and all of them to black women…in my reality black people are winning 🙂

    It's unfortunate that black men are winning, for the most part. Because there really is no reason for it. Regardless of interracial dating, etc I feel women in general, not just black, dont understand their worth thus leaving every guy in the position of winning.

  13. Congratulations!!

    "Black women are the least likely to date outside their race

    I noticed this since day 3 of undergrad. Not only do black women hate the idea of personally dating outside the race, but they passionately hate (like yell hate slurs our of their car window mad) to see a black man with a woman of any other race."

    Now, I have a serious issue with this, the least of which is that it's a vast overgeneralization. I don't passionately hate anyone for who they date, regardless of the races of the couple. But I'm aware of this stigma that black men think we can't stand to see them with women of other races, especially white women. You all assume that we're going to stanky eye you and your girl when you're out, so as soon as one woman does it's like "see, I knew it!" Never mind the twenty or so other people you walked passed who didn't eye you up, but one ignorant female had to run her mouth and now we all have an issue. I don't care who you're dating, do you! I only have an issue with black men who completely eschew dating black women for any number of stereotypical reasons (but that's another conversation).

    Furthermore, I never hear much said about how some black men behave or what they think when they see a black woman dating a man of another race. The last man I dated was Hispanic, though on first glance you would probably assume he was white. I can't tell you how many comments I got from black men when they saw us, the least of which was "sista, what the hell are you doing with that white boy?" I know all black men don't feel that way, so I'm not making blanket statements about all of you. I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

    1. @Lauryn

      Stereotypes don't come from out of nowhere… Like in this video

      Other races of women publicly getting up in man's face begging to be hit… (to her credit, she wanted to fight some more)

      But do black men get salty when they see BW with non-BM… I am sure it happens

      I just haven't heard much about it… But I hear alot of stories in the reverse (BM/Non-BW)…

      And as you beautifully brought up, that white girls stay being on a black girl's mind… I am still trying to figure out why that is…

      1. @Adonis,
        That was a powerful video… Homeboy was wrong to deck that sister, but I can see why he did it… Tragic…

        1. @Clint B

          While re-branding the image that is The Beautiful Black Woman

          Black women need to treat women like this, like the crazy uncle…

          – Lock the door on the inside…

          – Pass her three meals a day for the next 10 years

          – & then once BW are the #1 standard of beauty in America, open the door…

          Honestly, I don't care how out of pocket she was, that man had about 15 seconds where could have walked out if the Chicken spot & moved on with his day…

          That is man I refuse to be at 40 years old. Dysfunction.com

    2. I can only speak from personal experience and I remember being in the car with my best female friend in undergrad and her almost yelling out the window at our black friend who was talking to a white girl. She wasn't the only one and her friends shared her sentiments.

  14. Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!

    I'd like to hear the proposal story! Wanna share it? Or is that too personal?

      1. Really Slim … really.

        I promise the story was a lot better than that. The short version:

        – Found a list of the best places to propose in Sonoma Valley (Wine County in Northern Cali. We both spent the summer there interning)

        – Drove her up to Sonoma (Wine County)

        – Took her to a ridge overlooking the vineyards

        – Split a bottle of wine

        – Gave my speech

        – Got down on two knees

        End of story

        1. I love the 2 knee remix! I love the proposal! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! *girlymomentspinandfaceplant*

          Whew…my had hurts now. lol.

        2. Damn. 2 knews brosef? Is that what's hot in the streets?

          I hope this dude hasnt set new expectations for all other black men on accident.

          Some popular African American blog title tomorrow: I'M ONLY MARRYING A MAN THAT'LL GET ON TWO KNEES

          Damn. Daaamn. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

  15. Wow, congrats SB! (I've always loved how some of the initials are still there in the gubment name… lol) Really happy for ya and I wish you many years of marriage bliss! #TeamBlackLove like a mug.

  16. To be honest, I get on special when i see black women that i'd usually check for with guys outside our race. Mainly because it seems as though these ladies are nowhere to be found any other time. It'll be a harsh reality the day I see black women dating men outside of our race in droves … I pray this day never comes.

    Hopefully black women aren't dating others for strategic reasons, but out of genuine interest. Because while you're being strategic, you might miss out on what/who you're really after *cough* The Black Man that complements you *cough*.

    1. LMFAO!!

      1) You being a lil salty at a woman you'd check for a non-black male. That image is hilarious just b/c I've seen it happen quite a few times. And why black women hands are always slapped for how we supposedly react… the reaction of the black men I've seen is just… lol. Ya'll are a trip, lemme just say that. I even heard one black dude say under his breath but not really, "he can't handle all that a$$." Really? Really though?

      2) At your hinting via cough…

      1. *Cues The Dream – Hater*

        In this scenario, It's true, I'm a Hater #ShrugLife. I don't physically demonstrate my hate tho … It's an internal *sigh and head shake*. I'm not the type to say anything disrespectful to them and their situation cuz for all i know they could be work friends out to lunch or long-time friends or they could be married or they could just be genuinely interested in each other.

        Oh and i'm assuming that the black dude was referring to you with all that azz.

        *Disclaimer: I've never dated or even went out with a woman that's not black*

      2. " I even heard one black dude say under his breath but not really, “he can’t handle all that a$$.” "

        I've had this happen to me and the dude did not say it under his breath. It was very clear. So were the laughs that came after from his entourage. The funny thing was I was walking with an Indian coworker.

    1. I guess they are all defining winning differently. *shrugs* I would love to hear the advice they will give to their daughters some day, cause the life some men lead now, whew child.

      1. SBM, is this the article you're talking about?


        "I came away convinced of two facts: Black women confront the worst relationship market of any group because of economic and cultural forces that are not of their own making; and they have needlessly worsened their situation by limiting themselves to black men. I also arrived at a startling conclusion: Black women can best promote black marriage by opening themselves to relationships with men of other races.

        Audrey and other black women confront a social scene in which desirable black men are scarce.

        Part of the problem is incarceration. More than two million men are now imprisoned in the U.S., and roughly 40% of them are African-American. At any given time, more than 10% of black men in their 20s or 30s—prime marrying ages—are in jail or prison.

        Educationally, black men also lag. There are roughly 1.4 million black women now in college, compared to just 900,000 black men. By graduation, black women outnumber men 2-to-1. Among graduate-school students, in 2008 there were 125,000 African-American women but only 58,000 African-American men. That same year, black women received more than three out of every five law or medical degrees awarded to African-Americans."

        But….but, there's nothing in the above statements from the article that indicates that Black men are winning though. Am I the only one who is righteously upset that the writer is portraying our men this way? I am? Oh. Ok.

        PS: Congratulations and all the good stuff :-)!!! I'm very happy for you!

        1. There's more to the problem than incarceration, it's what leads up to it. The men that end up in jail (or dead at an early age) were more often than not the same ones who got the respect, women, and fast money (aka the alpha male in some places)at an early age or were chasing those things and were probably the worst students if they even went to school. Ironically, they tend to have some of the most loyal women. Having worked at a jail, I couldn't tell you how many women faithfully came to the jail, putting money on the books, (sometimes multiple women for the same inmate), yet men who are going to college and trying to build a better life are often left out until the late 20's-early 30's when those "alpha males" are often in jail, or knocked up several women whose children he won't take care of.

          There's also the issue of black boys not being read to or not being made to read at the same rates as black girls are, thus causing them to be reading at a subpar level even by the time they get to kindergarten. By the time they get to third grade, they're more likely to be labeled as "special needs", when they have the ability, it's just nobody ever bothered to cultivate their mind, but they got a wicked jump shot though or can run a 4.2. Since these boys feel embarrassed that they're lagging behind, they likely don't care for school since they feel like they're stupid, and if they don't care for K-12, it's highly improbable college is in the equation for most in that situation.

        1. I agree. However, I think a popular misconception here is that because EBM states "black men are winning" it implies black women are losing. Whereas, if either counterpoint succeeds, men or women, assuming we're on the same team, everyone wins or at least benefits, no? In other words, the success of black women benefits black men and the success of black men benefits black women – unless we are not on the same team. And maybe we're not, anymore.

          But what do I know…nothing, that's what.

        2. @WIM

          I completely agree. I want to be a part of a winning team, that if I'm successful, my man, and any man who comes in contact with me, will be successful. And vice versa. I think many of us get so caught up in the negative "other" say about us, that we end up lashing out at each other, forgetting that we are on the same side. Ultimately, its up to us to change the conversation, and work to change the preconceptions we have of each other.

          Let's hug it out… *hugs all the black men*

        3. Wisdom, your assessment is on point. This is why a person can brag about what they have, and still get passed by because the focus is only about them. If what they bring to the table isn't for the betterment of the relationship and exudes selfishness and ego tripping, then it's fool's gold.

  17. Congrat's S. Blackman. I've been reading the blog for the last two years and have definitely appreciated your journey and stories. Best of luck to you and your new family as you guys create new stories together.

    (Back to post)

    Oh yeah! We winning/ oh oh OH /

    Oh yeah! And Grinning/ oh oh OH/

    Some people won't like this /oh oh OH

    Cuz they (black) a$$ is bias!!! /oh oh OH


    I appreciate your observation, and do think as a progressing black male. Things are looking on the up and up.

    1. Wait a sec…was that a cheer? I was co-captain of the squad, and that looks an aweful lot like a cheer.

  18. Congrats on the engagement!!! Best wishes!

    About Black women with men outside the race (or White men)….I find that as soon as a White guy approaches me or one of my girl friends in public, suddenly Black guys become interested and try to interrupt or come up after and try to joke/holla or stand back and give the side eye & turn up a nose.

    Are other Black ladies have the same experience???? Well the ones I associate with do.

    Interesting to me because my girlfriends and I could have been standing in that same spot 30 mins or more with not one Black guy approaching. They just look (=stare). I guess once the White guy hollars we have been validated as "good" Black women to Black guys? #whiteguyvalidated That's a shame right?

    In response to the blog, I don't really think Black men or Black people are winning especially when it comes to communication and relationships. I do agree with another post that Black men have leverage now where they can be mediocre and still lock down a super on point woman or they can pick and choose without settling because they have a number of decent options.

    1. Trust, that white dude hollering isn't validating you as a "Good" black woman. It's really just saying, we as black man can't stand here and let this dude take her, especially if we've already noticed your presence, but were to apprehensive/shy/scared to come approach you. Not an excuse because from my experience, Black guys have no problem hollerin at any black women. We may not approach you while we think you're busy (The gym, the library, the grocery store), but in more social settings, i don't think we have a problem approaching a woman.

      Bottom line: We shouldn't be waiting for anyone to talk to you first, whether he's black, white, hispanic, asian, Mediterranean, Indian, Carribbean, whatever.

      1. I feel you! I think that if a guy see's a girl he likes, go for her. Why sit back and wait for some other guy to make the first move.

        And definitely don't go for a girl, just because you saw another guy *successfully* talking to her…that's like lowering your chances.

        1. "I think that if a guy see’s a girl he likes, go for her. Why sit back and wait for some other guy to make the first move. "

          Just that simple huh? You're CLEARLY not a man who has to approach women.

          VerySmartBrothas just wrote an article about that 2 days ago. Google "Why “The Approach” Is The Hardest Thing Any Adult Has To Learn How to Do"

        2. @Rick

          @Slim knows how I feel about that

          Pretty much easier said than done… And I am a man who has approached 1,000 women in my lifetime in NYC… It has definitely built some character & thick skin…

          I wish more women would have a small appreciation for the sh*t we have to do to get p*ssy… *More Fantasy Island Thinking*

        3. @Slim "Cloak Your Thirst"


          My Thirst is dressed in full camouflage … I'm talking hat, shirt, jacket, pants, shoes, even got the Camo Gap briefs on…

          But yeah, the approach is EVERYTHING … Takes excellent timing, wit, and charisma … It's tough ladies.

        4. @Rick, I'm not saying it's easy. Im saying if she's hot enough that youre gonna approach anyway,…then just do it. If youre not sure or not confident enough, then don't. But why does seeing a White guy (or another guy) do it first make it easier? From a woman's standpoint, that only lowers your chances to be honest.

        5. "But why does seeing a White guy (or another guy) do it first make it easier?"

          I explained it earlier. It's easier to approach someone one you've observed their interactions with others similar to yourself, especially if your response is welcoming. But that's across the board for anything and anybody. Like I said, you're not a man who approaches women, so maybe that's why this isn't registering easily.

          "From a woman’s standpoint, that only lowers your chances to be honest."

          I doubt it. It's not like the guy lets' it be known that "I approached you because I got the courage to after seeing the last guy make moves." That also implies that the man that approaches you first always has the highest chance of success. Which isn't true. If you're feeling a guy, it doesn't matter when he approaches you.

          And not to sound rude, but if you and/or women as a whole don't plan on taking the initiative to approach men just as much as we approach you all, then why does it matter where a man get's his motivation to approach you from? I doubt that if your dream guy got you using this method he'd lose any cool points.

    2. I doubt it has anything to do with race, I've seen it a million times where men will see an attractive woman, but will be hesitant to approach…..UNTIL they see another guy step to her. If they observe that she's receptive and open to be approached, then they'll get the courage to approach her. But if she's mean and dismissive to the guy that had the balls to approach her, the guys observing will pretty much dismiss her and think they'll get dissed just the same. And this is black men and women I've observed this with…..not white.

      So once again it's not a race thing, it's more of "discovering that you're cool" approachable. I'd bet if you straight up dissed the white guy, brothers wouldn't be so quick to step.

      I'm sure you've seen it where a group of women would be dancing with each other, then one guy has the balls to step to one you you to dance…….NOW 12 guys come outta no where trying to dance with the rest of your crew after the first guy was successful.

      1. I feel you. It's not always about race…yeah sometimes it takes that one guy with the balls to get the other balls rolling but in my experience, when it's a mixed race crowd, this is how things play out.

        And I thought about this and race specifically after reading Adonis comments:

        "Most American Black Women are NOT Marriage Material

        And I hope that black women make the effort to improve themselves, if they want quality black men. Most black women don’t have the beauty &/or the swag to date out like black men can…The type of Black Women, decent Non-Black Men go for, is same type of Black Women, decent Black Men go for also."

    3. That same thing happens regardless of gender. Sistas that would avoid my gaze became real animated when they saw me even TALKING to women that didn't look like them.

      I'm so used to it, that I made a game out of it. I like to see if I can evoke an angry response. 5 points for a mean stare. 10 points for a "Hmph." 15 for a full sentence. 20 points if I can get her to reenact that scene from Jungle Fever with Queen Latifah.

        1. I haven't thought it through enough. I should really be using that as a way into panties…uh, I mean, women's hearts.

          "Oh, she's not my girlfriend. She's a co-worker. You seem awfully concerned, though. Perhaps we should discuss this over some frozen yogurt? My treat, of course."

          And then…WHAM! Zex!

          Clearly, I'm too clever for my own good.

  19. "A good professional black man is (sadly) a rare gem. As one, I don’t see enough of us at work, at the gym, on the bus, or in school. It’s sad, it’s a shame, and it is a terrible terrible thing for the forward movement of the black race."

    This is The Truth…for more Truth seek and ye shall find it. unoi.org

  20. *taps champagne glass with a fork*

    Congrats to the blogger formerly known as SingleBlackMale and his queen to be

    I'm inclined to agree with Adonis, what black men have is mere leverage. All the Beyonce tracks in the world doesnt change the fact that theres far more quality black women than black men out there. I can have another you in a minute, you got the 30 year old rapper, the dude with 3 kids, and the dude that still living at home at your disposal. Sadly some black women are so close minded to other races they will deal with a aint ish black man than Bill in accounting.

    1. I Am Always @herbetteroption (@itztrizz617)

      Sadly some black women are so close minded to other races they will deal with a aint ish black man than Bill in accounting.

      From "Kicking The Pu$$y Off The Pedestal"

      18 years old. Scott Peterson was twice her age. So much for the theory that chicks get creeped out by older <del> murderers </del> men. Heh.

      So think about that the next time you find yourself romanticizing the woman of your dreams. There are women who would take their chances with a sociopathic death row inmate over law-abiding nonmurderous free men they know

      And these are WHITE women… Black women crave hyper-masculine criminal mens WAY more than white women do… *Give or take a lil' Hyperbole*

      If Billy gives Tanya a better life than ain't ish Jamal does, that means

      1. BiRacial Children #Win
      2. The children will be well taken care of, by choice, or legal extraction

      I would tell my daughter/sister/cousin/friend to date out TOMORROW… <DEL> I want a 10% finders fee for my troubles </DEL>

    2. I'm still a firm believer that non-Black men are looking for a very particular type of Black woman, and I don't think I fit the bill. If non-Black men approached me i'd be open to it, but they don't.

      1. I don't think I fit the bill either, but we'll see… actually, in my heart of hearts I'm pretty sure I'll end married to a black man but if something miraculous happens I'll be first to admit I WAS WRONG!

      2. First, congrats to formerly single SBM!

        Second, I'd really like to know the link to that article about black people in tech. I'm a unicorn in the field, being both black and female so the topic interests me.

        Third, I'll finally address this comment (^_^)

        This isn't the first time I've heard this mentioned before, the whole "white men don't approach me" thing. I think many black women are so used to the bravado of black men they don't have a good understanding of how most men of other races approach women. Black men are far more open to approaching a woman on the street, regardless of whether she's given him any signals. Other races? Not so much…

        I've found that other races of men tend to *only* talk to women they've had a chance to get to know through mutual activities and/or friends and colleagues. Black people do this too, of course, but we also have men who are willing to do a cold approach. Cold approaches with other groups of men happen only at bars.

        So the first thing I wonder when women say this is, "What does her social circle look like?" Black people tend to be the most insular ethnic group in America. Black women especially tend to only hang out and make friends with other black people. So unless black women are frequenting bars that are predominantly white, and are hanging out with a predominantly white or mixed group of friends, it's unlikely they will be considered for a cold approach by a non-black man.

        It's important to realize that finding a mate often means sharing interests; interests that are likely to be heavily influenced by your cultural background. If you have almost no non-white friends outside of work, you probably won't be a good fit for a non-white man..

        Also some things that don't generally matter when dating out:

        Hair texture

        Skin Color

        And things that do generally matter when dating out:



        Educational Background

        Hair Length

  21. Black people ARE NOT winning until they UNITE….UNOI.org!!!! Go there and read and study to show thyself approved.

    Malachi chapter 4—-Who is the Elijah the prophet that is spoken of? *Message*

    Open you eyes to what Time it is. Black people will perish for lack of knowledge. If you have been feeling as if there is NO WHERE else to turn…this organization is the GREATEST!

    Then answers you seek are only a click away!

    Call me whatever you want…but I will that you understand what you about to read. It's on you all now….

    1. I think it's fabulous that you have found a place to fit and mix with like minded people to gain and push out more knowledge.

      As for me, I think I'm good where I am. I unite with plenty of black people… Do you feel this is the only answer?

      1. Every Man has his nation…except us. We are the only people that are doing BAD because of this very reason.

        Yes, I do KNOW that this is the only answer. It's also a life or death situation. To answer ALL the questions we have had all our lives. To find the missing pieces to the puzzle. To finally be able to KNOW why and how and when feels absolutely GREAT.

        My people….We must do this NOW. When I tell you that God is in our midst….I am at LEAST expecting you all to wonder if what I am saying is a real. The only way you can properly do this is to READ and verify and do your homework.

        Prove me right or wrong if this is your will….Read read read.

        From all of the discussions I have participated in, you will be hard pressed to consider me a follower of something silly. Remember that…trust me on this one. It's all on you now…

        1. So, I forgot about this til Dr. J said something about it and I came back. I think it could take you seriously if it didn't sound like you were an automaton in your response to me. I don't think the basis of my skin color qualifies me to need to unify with anyone. There is a strong possibility that the place where I come from holds me back from that.

          We are not at all the only ones doing BAD. Check CNN–right now and you will see many others who are not doing so hot either. God has always been in our midst. That's why we have made it as far as we have. He didn't just suddenly arrive when NOI was created in 1930 either. He was with our forefathers long before that. I'm sorry I can respect your opinion but the chances of me you uniting on that end… smaller than 0.

          Kudos on your passion though!

      1. Unite? For what? Im pretty sure I don't have the same ideas for the betterment of life as the next man. It's like saying being a black Republican is stupid.

        Lets just stop thinking the black community is something monolithic group

    2. What are we uniting for? Back in the day people would always say, "squad up" and I would always be quick to "squad up". I've found out through time that I need to know what we squad'ing up for before I do that. So why are we uniting? Please include what our expected outcomes are too.

      1. Dr. J

        You are 'squading up" for your life! I have included a link but that’s a far as I can take you. I want you and everyone else to LOOK and READ for SELF.

        This is an ever-increasing problem with the Blackman and Woman. We must not rely on what others say…do your own homework and come to your OWN conclusion.

        Look around you…who is really winning? No one, unless you are basing winning off of things that are shallow such as money, tricks and fancy stuff that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

        Even after ALL of that is achieved, one is still left wondering if they have truly WON anything…study to show THYSELF approved.

        1. Did you seriously send me something called the United Nation of Islam? Yeah I read that but it seemed separatist to me. Why do you keep screaming at me though with the CAPS?

          I think that the pessimistic revolutionary approach does not allow Black people to actually critically observe their environment. Congratulate themselves for their accomplishments and set goals for the future. Take a look around you, 30 years ago, an average African American in the US did not know as many bankers, lawyers and doctors as they do now. They didn't even see them going to college at the same rate as we do today. There's overwhelming evidence to suggest that we can have success without uniting as just Black people. I think that we've got to make decisions on who we want to be. If we want to be Americans, then we be Americans. If we want to be Black people and not American, then we shouldn't expect the same liberties. Time to start a revolution and get our own country.

          Is unemployment a problem in our community? Yes. Literacy rates lower than others? Yes. Other list of problems? Hell yes. Problem is, all that ain't white folks fault. Some of that just have to do with people not knowing what they need to do in their environment to survive. I've said it once and i'll say it again, our ancestors were a lot stronger than we are today. There's no way this generation of Black people could have survived slavery. We must learn to adapt and set personal goals for ourselves. But uniting for what? We need stop fighting a system. Everything about that system ain't wack.

        2. Sometimes my passion gets the best of me…my apologies for 'screaming'. lol.

          Seriously though…separatist? Look at the rest of the world Dr. J…everyone is separate in their own nation…are they not? There may be a few sprinkles of 'others' in let's say Asia, but the majority are what— Asian. Look at any other nation! Replace Asia with any other nation of people and you will see what I mean.

          Also, your personal feelings have no place in what is happening as we speak. If you truly believe that the current system we live under is not wack…you must like being oppressed. There is nothing in the current system for US. This is why the need for our own is here. Most may not say it aloud, but it’s a common thought amongst us today.

          We are coming up on another MLK day and what has really changed since then…not much! They (majority) still kill and oppress us. Don’t think Obama being in the white house means we've all 'made it'.

          Besides, if holding on to this world is your will, you can have it. I would much rather look forward to the rewards that will come from us uniting and knowing…and this will happen whether you are down with it or not. The rabbit hole goes so much deeper too.

          Pay attention to the Solutions on the website….all other solutions have failed us!

        3. You missed my point completely. And I just don't think this platform will allow me to expound enough. First of all, Asia is not a nation. And replace it with any other national and you will find that people buy into the system, but they are able to keep the things about themselves worth preserving. Since Black people lost their freedom, they are insisting on never giving up anything for the system. That's a choice though, and it's okay to feel that way.

          Sam Greenlee, author of the Spook Who Sat By The Door said, "I have never been oppressed because I have not allowed myself to be oppressed." Many people today allow themselves to be oppressed and then complain. If you let oppression affect you in the way terrorism affects our country, you are not smart, you are just playing into the trap that has been set for you. Again you said, "your own" but what sense does that make? Why are you asking a system which you have declared dysfunctional to give you anything. You can leave the system, or you play by the rules. Saying "we need our own" within the borders of the United States is equivalent to women who come over your house, act a fool, scream, shout, holler and when you ask them to leave they say, "kick me out." It's nonsensical.

          Not much has change since last MLK day, or since MLK passed away. I'm not sure what you mean. A lot of has happened between the 60s and now, it just slowed down tremendously during Reagan's administration. Because of Reaganomics it slowed growth for minorities, no, better yet, for the have-nots in America. But from 1968 – 1988, there were countless pieces of legislation and resources afforded to African-America that we not in place before. Is this enough? No, but acknowledge the work that those who pledged their lives to the life that you benefit from now fought for. Case in point, the standard of living that provides you with high-speed internet and a computer to comment with today would not be if you had the same standard of living that Blacks had during the Civil Right Movement. Black people need to stop talking about Obama in the White House. They need to look at their respective networks. I bet you only roll with like minded people, don't you? Not an attack, it's an indication that the social awareness of Black people is growing. Yet, you're still talking about a revolution and uniting, that's why I asked, "What for?"

          I'm not holding onto this world. I'm more focused on working with everyone in this world. We can solve Black America's problem, but if this planet incinerates because of the hole in the ozone layer we'll be fresh out of luck, or if the current population problem we're having on Earth doesn't get solved and there is no more affordable real estate. You see? I'm more focus on the World and not just one group of people. We should be working towards that goal. To me, it's a little counterproductive to be ethnocentric in a world that is failing. Where will we live?

          Read the solutions page. I don't agree with the majority of them. They all start with Allah. I respectfully decline, that's not my thing, but if it's yours more power to you. We've all got to make choices for ourselves. However, my God and your Allah both gave us brain power. And that brain power means that we look no further than to our natural ability to adapt to our environment and make the necessary changes that will help all mankind.

          And while i'm on the subject, another great man by the name of Malcolm X, thought I should mention this to you, he shared the same separatists "zombie" thoughts that most members of the Nation shared until he completed his pilgrimage and realized that even in his own religion (Islam) it was never about race, it was about mankind.

          …and now I need some bacon, liquor and white women to look at for the next five minutes to make me feel better after all this tension has been released.

        4. "… “I have never been oppressed because I have not allowed myself to be oppressed.” Many people today allow themselves to be oppressed and then complain"

          THIS!!!!! Every time I say something along these lines, someone gives me the side eye like 'You're African, you don't get it' Stop expending your energy on what/whom you believe is working against you, instead set your mind on this truth: Nobody can hold you back without your permission…

        5. Dr. J-According to resources provided… By virtue of having a vag!na, Beef doesn’t understand and neither do I…

          I hope I read that right… so much estrogen in my body until I might not even be able to read.

        6. Nah it had nothing to do with man or woman. It was just she hit me with "you don't understand" and i'm like, actually I do understand, I don't agree. I wouldn't have been able to break down systematically how her entire ideology was flawed if I didn't take time to understand.

      2. We are uniting to uplift, encourage and empower one another. To attempt to end the divisiveness amongst ourselves. Each one teach one.

        Looking forward to BB's response though 😉

        1. As with anything pray for clarity and understanding…have your Bible and Quran ready as references!

          This blog has some of the most gifted minds….use that gift for something greater than yourself. Use that gift to your advantage. All of your worldy wisdom will amount to NOTHING if you aren't where you should be NOW.


        2. It not being your thing means once again you are making this personal and about you.

          All the talk with no solutions is why we are still stuck. Ask any other group of people if they are concerned about YOU and your kind. Clean your own house before trying to clean the world. Dismissing something because it is "not you" is not wise. Just because it's not you doesn't make it false or negative. *personalism* (the solutions speak on that as well)

          Malcolm X…the past is the past and Malcolm had his duty as well. Where he fits in the grand scheme of things if for you to mathematically figure out.

          We are talking about now. It's funny that you resorted to the "zombie reference". We shall see…

          In all your knowledge of things that don't matter, get understanding. I won't argue with you. You are making your bed and will lie in it. I will see if YOUR god will save you soon.

        3. This comment makes no sense in response to what I just said. You just convinced me that the people who follow you or subscribe to your line of thinking are "zombies". You can't address any of my points in any of my commentary with any rebuttal or logical response. I didn't make it about me, that was for how I think "we" should be conducting ourselves. But since, we're not getting anywhere with you not responding to anything i've said, not reading what i've said with the comprehension of what a 10th grader could understand and then condemning, this conversation is now over. We'll let those reading decide who they agree with and let the chips fall.

        4. Why are you tense? I'm not…I am confident in what I am sharing with you Dr. J. Very confident!

          A zombie….really now. You know my history on this blog. Don't try and bash me now because what I speak of you don't understand.

          This is not up for debate anyway. I am only sharing what I have found to be TRUE! Your avoidance of it only speaks to ability to think clearly and see the Time for what it is.

          I love my people and only want the best for all of us. If what I am sharing has anything less than the best in it…let me know.

        5. Chill Beef. I understand and I have respectfully listened to what you said, I even reviewed your resource material provided. I disagree with you, it's not that I don't understand. Do not choose the weak emotion of stating that someone "doesn't understand" when they disagree with you. That is poor judgment.

  22. Dang my comment didn't post.. #sheesh


    ongratulations Mr. Blackman!!

    Nothing much else to add in regards to this post because I agree… Yeah the brothas do seem to have more options and more leverage in the Dating Market BUUUUT this sista right here >>>>> is WINNING!! 😉

    I Ain't Pressed.

    1. I might be engaged, but I'm the same person and my fiancee has read the site.

      You know SBM wasn't going to go out like that …

      1. I knew you wouldn't!

        Congrats again. I've been down with SBM.net/org since 2008, and it's always cool to see people that you know e-know progressing and winning.

        @ Jaci: yep, a lot can change in three years!

        1. Swear Hewie… I think YOU shock me the MOST… I was waiting on you to be Rev. Hugh Jazz!

      2. I DEFINITELY knew it. I seem to remember missing working on my senior thesis to discuss THAT matter. You said, "Where do women get this?!"… And now, I actually see your side of things.

  23. Congratulations…. May GOD bless your union… Stay up and be strong… Communication is what will make your marriage strong…

  24. Ahhhh… I've been waiting so long to say congrats. I'll also say I hope the ring didn't cost 24k (you dodged a deadly bullet there) and I did see a pic somewhere and she's GORGEOUS. I'm quite proud of you and all the amazing steps you made to get here.

    *tears* all the little babies done grown up …*sniffle, sniffle*

    Anyways, I think the BM is winning much more than the BW is and without going too Teena Marie here, I'm going to say it's a confidence and game issue. Women take too much bs and then shout men ain't ish… whereas men are like whatever, play the game and boom… The chick who plays the game as well eases on down the aisle to the Shaft theme song!

  25. Wait, we're winning because black women have few other options and because we are less likely to have professional success, so the few that do makes us 'special'? That's pretty damn depressing man.

    1. Lol… right! I was thinking the same thing… 🙂

      But… I'm super excited about the engagement! I love love!

        1. LMAO @ Malik with the NFL reference…

          Make sure you throw the AFC West teams under the bus too…

          (And the Chargers have had very disappointing playoff runs lately…)


          I have no problem saying that a significant of BM are on BS… My legendary follow-up question to that statement is "why do BW & WW continue to entertain them…?"

          That question is almost as powerful as Jesus giving up his spirit on the cross & the temple veil being torn in half

        2. "It’s like saying we’re winning because we’re the best quarterback in the NFC West."

          Well to be fair, if you're the best quarterback then yes…you are winning…from an individual standpoint, not a team standpoint. You have the accolades, awards, the contract, etc.. to prove it. So yes you are a winner. Now, your team is losing, but not to any fault of your own. If you don't have the proper supporting cast around you for team success what can you do? When management surrounds you with the star players to be successful then everyone is a winner my friend.

          Much like how I'm sure SBM thought he was winning while single…he is engaged now (supporting cast) and now the whole team is winning together. Either way he was winning from one view point or another….at least that's the way I took this piece.

      1. Quit hatin', I'm forming the DMV chapter of the I Heart Malik fanclub right now. We'll all be weating glasses and hats.

        1. And herein lies your problem Malik. Your fan club President and Founder is married with two kids. In fact, she specializes as pushing out two at a time.

          I love you though Teflon!!!

          I think it goes back to what Most said, there's a difference in who she calls to lay the pipe and who she calls to clean up the mess.

        2. @Naija – that's right, all other articles of clothing are optional. And all other articles of clothing are forbidden on the first meeting of the month. #Letsgethispartystartedright

          Dr J – You know I'm scared to try for a third, at this rate it'll be 3 and 4. Yikes.

          Don't listen to him Malik – those my sista's kids in the picture, lol.

  26. Congrats!!!! So exciting! 🙂

    Oh… and as to this:

    "Black women are less likely to be married than their white counterparts

    Big news … right? Looking at the population, the percentage of white women who have never been married is about half that of their black counterparts"

    There was a recent study that disputed the numbers. Basically the study showed that the numbers are correct when you're talking about women 18 to 35, however once you get to 35, that number drops quite a bit. The number of black women who have never been married that are 35 and above is at about 20% more than white women. Still an issue, but not as severe.

    So its not that black women aren't getting married… we just get married a lot later in life than our white counterparts.


  27. Congratulations! To quote evil Morgan Freeman "Welcome to the Fraternity ". As far as the wedding goes, offer help frequently even though she won't accept it but find one part to make your own outside of the groom cake.

  28. Congratulations SBM on your engagement. I think that your engagement should be encouraging to other women…maybe I'm wrong, but I'm happy for you anyway.

  29. If Black men are winning and based on this post we are losing – are you really winning??

    I tell people all the time black men are a preference but I love MEN! I've never dated a white man but when I tell you the last time I was out with a non-black man you would swear I had four heads. This dude actually asked me if I was ok when my date excused himself to go to the restroom. I was so confused. LOL

    In any case – when I envision my happily ever after its definitely with a black man.

    1. "In any case – when I envision my happily ever after its definitely with a black man."

      Me too, girl. Fingers crossed 🙂

    2. "If Black men are winning and based on this post we are losing – are you really winning??"

      Well…yes. lol. *cues "We are the Champions" * LOL. 😉

  30. Congrats, bruh. Like I always say better you than me I ain't mad at ya, I'm glad at ya!

    Oh, and hte strategy of pre-cursing your touchy/sensitive subject post with the engagment announcement to soften up any serious blows in the comments was clever. Instead of long,drawn out reasons from people on how they disagree with you they are just simply writing "boo" and moving on, lol. When I was in sales we called that "sandwiching" lol.

    At any rate, obviously saying black men are winning is purely subjective on how you view it. SBM says Black men are still killing it in the "dating world". And by Black men he isn't talking about ALL Black men, obviously…from what I read it's more concentrated to good/professional and/or successful Black men….and "good" and successful" are subjective within themselves!! lol. Anyway, the "winning" examples he gave are bascially just general fact-based opinions that women here complain about due to the selfish nature of the acts….and as Adonis mentioned earlier he was eluding to Black men having more leverage in that dating spectrum, more or less…relatively speaking of course.

    So having the ability to be more fluid when "dating" and a wider dating pool with leverage….I can see how one can have the opinion of "Winning" so to speak. I think about it like sports…take the Lakers and the Yankees…they can be more fluid in brining in talent based on cash resources…they have a wider pool of candiates to choose from in Free Agency b/c players enjoy the thought of playing for a winner and a winning franchise (demand)…and they obviously have leverage with the cities they're in and the proven track record they have. Obviously, they don't win championships every single year, but they give themselves a higher probability of being successful on a consistent basis then the majority out there…and that's what Winning is all about…that's of course you subscribe to the Ricky Bobby philosophy in which if you're 1st…you're last, lol.

    1. Oh, and hte strategy of pre-cursing your touchy/sensitive subject post with the engagment announcement to soften up any serious blows in the comments was clever.

      Oh, you saw that too! It was a <DEL> hopefully </DEL> once in a lifetime moment… So, I will give him a pass on that…

      Women here & black blogs tend to be more reasonable then the woman I encounter on YouTube message boards & real life…

      Fortunately & Unfortunately… God Bless The Internet

  31. Congratulations! Wine Country? I love it 🙂

    I'm all for black male empowerment and high self esteem, but to look at the current landscape in black people's state of affairs and say that black men are winning? Ionno… That's a tad optimistic. Either way, I hope the winners do choose to go and take leadership positions in the home and the workplace so that maybe this next generation of black males can do better than the past ones. Black male leadership in the home, community, and workplace is sorely missed and needed. The times that I've seen black males take ownership of community issues and make giving back a priority, it's been a beautiful powerful thing. I just wish the would do it more often.

    I think that's the bigger issue to focus on, rather than who's winning the dating game….

    1. No one disputes this. I agree 100%….but to be fair the post is about "Winning" when it comes to "dating"…and that's it. But that doesn't make what you laid out there any less true, however. Co-sign.

    2. @Lady

      An unintended consequence of BW not valuing white/blue collar beta/provider black men IN THEIR CHEXUAL PRIME (18-30) is that these black men end taking their abilities/resources/wisdom to other communities & it ends up being a brain drain to the Black community & the vicious cycle of dysfunctional BM continues…

      That is why when BW complain about small number of BM dating other races of women, they are talking about the MEN that are not on nigg@ BS & have significant financial resources…

      Sad, but true


  32. Congratulations.

    But this should be retitled "Professional Black Men stay winning."

    Just like Professional White men stay winning.

    Then again, average regular white men stay winning over Black men anyway. Ask the brotha on the street without his HS diploma, with a record trying to get a job. Still tough for them. You should know better.

    1. You mentioned something critical to this conversation.

      Black men have made a conscious choice in our world and i'm not sure we've all been put on the same page. Black men in Corporate America have choices. They can choose to be Men or Black. Each has its benefits and disadvantages. From what i'm seeing, Black men are choosing to be men, over being Black. Whereas, i'm seeing more and more Black women, choosing to be Black over being women. This is a disconnect. This is why brothers and sisters don't see eye on a lot of things. Neither of these ways is wrong. Because a Black man chooses man over Black in the workplace, does not make him any less Black and vice versa.

      One caveat, it's way harder for Black women to fit in with white women, than it is for Black men to fit in with white men. Neo-white women are a different breed of human. They are ultra-aggressive as they attempt to emulate white male privilege and they see everything as a threat. They fight for the last piece of bread at any chance. You still have your submissive white women who are members of the Tea Party or they just don't see the importance in being an equal. But for those feminist white women at your job with the Laura Bush haircut, it's very hard for Black women to fit in with them.

      My suggestion, come together on the same thing Black men and white men came together on … women. #jokes

      1. "From what i’m seeing, Black men are choosing to be men, over being Black. Whereas, i’m seeing more and more Black women, choosing to be Black over being women. This is a disconnect"

        Wow. Never thought of it this way, but this is a really nice way to explain some of these issues.

        "Neither of these ways is wrong…"

        Not wrong but choosing to be black rather than being a woman first is disadvantageous. It inhibits their(such women) ability to adapt and survive in a world that's rapidly changing…it's like natural selection; get with the program(meaning adapt) or well(insert stats).

      1. ADONIS… my friend… I might half way be tempted to say the former rather than the latter… less drama on one hand but really though for the sake of being correct with my own self I am going to have to say I'd rather be a black man's wife ALL DAY (even though some fantasies might say different). BUT I'd be willing to bet some women out there would prefer the other.

        *sigh* I cannot be drawn in … I cannot.

  33. Congrats to you SBM!

    this guy I was dating was basically telling me that he's rare and a hot commodity and the fact that he's a "good black man" makes him be able to do what he wants with women.. and even though I agreed that it was true, it was SUCH A TURN OFF for him to actually tell me this.. it seemed like he was feeling himself too much… I just hope other professional men aren't as egocentric.

    1. It really is a turn off. They don't even have to say the words; if their attitude so much as suggests it, I'm tuning out permanently.

    2. I can't even see myself approaching a woman and saying something like I'm a hot commodity. I don't need to proclaim that to the rooftops, a woman will know that after the first conversation. When was the last time you saw a Ferrari commercial? Quality doesn't need to advertise. You know it's quality when you see it.

      1. Lol, well we were discussing his relationships and why he was single so very long. He basically said he could get away with it because of he was an eligible black man. I threw in that hot commodity lol.

        1. I guess if it was a response to a direct question, that's one thing. I just know a lot of guys who will offer that information unsolicited.

      1. Yes it is….very much okay. No one is using my computer…..BEEF bacon remember….now it all ties in hmmmmm. No pork references here and there.

        Not just a nation but the UNITED Nation.


  34. Do I think Black men are winning? Yes. Do I think Black women are winning? Yes. Are we winning together? I don't know about all that. The working relationship of Black men and women can probably be best described as the NY Giants and NY Jets. We share a lot of the same qualities, but our competition is just different.

      1. One of those organization has won a lot and the other is supposed to win, but falls short. You not right, lol. But nah, I was trying to point to the fact that we're in the same city, but we've got different opponents.

  35. Let me open by saying, Adonis your HTML fail has italicized the entire comment thread. Jack@ss. lol

    Let me transition by saying, SBM, my sincere condolences for your wonderful news. Jokes! Congrats, bro.

    Let me finish by saying, in regards to the ever present interracial debate, 4 out of 5 black men will marry black women. Yall women can focus on that 20% of men that do not marry black women if you want to. Mind you, they are not all with white women. Further, 9 out of 10 black women will marry a black man. Yall men can focus on that 10% of women that do not marry black men if you want to. Mind you, they are not all with white men. Just wanted to give your pointless debates some context.

    We can win together or we can all fall, apart. Do you.

    I'll be writing my thoughts on this in full in a future post but today is SBM aka EBM's day.

    1. @WIM

      Do you have the most UP-TO-Date interracial marriage stats…

      Cause last time I checked 9 out of 10 black men marry black women… But in the information age, sh*t changes fast!…

      And being that I am also a beast of an opportunist, I will put a legendary question right here

      Ladies, why do you focus on the SWAGLESS Tiger Woods kind of black men that date out, where minus financial standing, you ain't feelin' him THEN & you ain't feelin' him NOW , but you are mad he is with Becky tho…?

      To ask a question is to answer it. ~Obsidian

      *Checks HTML tags thrice over*

      1. I'll admit I'm quoting off the top of my head. Still, I'm pretty sure it's not 9 out of 10 for men. I'll cite the latest statistics in my write-up. Doing so here would only take away from the post. But hey, we all have access to Google and Wikipedia.

      2. I, personally do not care what race anyone dates.

        However, many of the black women who get salty when they see a black man dating outside of his race see this as a form of rejection, especially with all the anti-black woman rhetoric out there.

        1. A 1,000,000 co-signs!

          @Jupiter Calhoun: "You know what this reminds me of? A kid that doesn’t want a particular toy, but doesn’t want anyone else to play with it either."

        2. But why is it a form of rejection, when he or she may not have been someone they were even checking out in the first place?

          You know what this reminds me of? A kid that doesn’t want a particular toy, but doesn’t want anyone else to play with it either.

  36. Nothing personal towards the author, but I think your statement that Black men are WINNING depends largely upon what you consider "WINNING." I think you all clearly are NOT WINNING because of a fact that you inadvertently included in your post (that an educated, professional Black man is rare). Who would consider this WINNING? I think that's the problem. As @Adonis stated, maybe you're WINNING, but generally speaking, Black men are not WINNING.

    You think Black men are WINNING just because you have your pick of women and can choose to never marry and smash different women every night if you so choose? Most men of ANY race who are relatively good looking and make decent money who aren't super short, can do all those things, as well. Furthermore, if that's WINNING, then your standards for success are relatively low. But I guess how we define success is subjective, just like our difference in opinion about Black men WINNING.

    I think I will consider Black men WINNING when our children out-of-wedlock percentages decrease and when it is no longer "rare" to meet a Black man who is college-educated, has no children out of wedlock, and has good credit. Or, when I start seeing more of them becoming billionaires and acquiring true wealth, not just gaining riches and responsibility, like our President. I'm not bashing, but until then Black men still have a lot of work to do.

  37. Speaking of interracial dating, can those Afro-Romance people provide a different picture? I'm sick of seeing that white dude's nipple every time I come to this site.

  38. How wise it to keep falling for things that were forced on you by your slave master. You were not Christians before when you had power!

    Why keep trusting something that is clearly not working? And what you see working is a trick of your enemy! Put what you were passed down to the side for just a second. A wise man at least does his homework BEFORE he refute something.

    How sad will it be when the True God asks you why didn't you look further—when your response will be "it's wasn't for me" or "I just dismissed it". Isn't your life worth the research and time.

    We will research stats and the hottest trends and comment on these blogs all day…why not take the same time and energy to properly assess this. Isn’t your LIFE worth it?

    Don't wait too long….because Time waits for NO one.


    1. My ancestors weren't Muslims either. They may have worshipped many gods. So what are we really saying?

      The revolution doesnt need to be televised, because I can live stream it off the net

    2. Only North Africans were Muslims. Africans actually become Muslims far closer to how Negroes become Christians than how Islam spread in Indonesia.

    3. I am unfamiliar with Royall…but I certainly know about the teachings of the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan.

      I don't agree with everything he says…but when he's right…man! he's right.

      But like I said…I don't know anything about Royall…I'll have to do some reading about him.

      Knowledge is power. 😉

  39. Congratulations..SBM..:-)

    I am not altogether sure I feel black men are winning…when I look around my community, around the school yards, around the church sanctuary, around the prison system…..I'm not feeling like you're quite there yet….individually, different black men may be winning..and I will give these individuals all due props…some of the guys on here are a part of that…but, globally, no……nationally..no….heck, Obama ain't even winning right about now..but, he has my full support nonetheless…..as do all black men….so, I said all that to say……continue striving to higher heights black men.

      1. Neither is mine, but I thought maybe it was just me since comments are still getting likes all over the place.

  40. Since we are on this whole UNOI thing, has anyone seen Deu. 28? I mean come on when you read that …who do you think of?

    Heck, if all that happens as a result of disobedience why would I want to unite with anybody?


    1. Because it happened for a reason and only a season Jaci. Yes, the whole Bible is full of prophecy about US…Black people.

      The last shall be first, the tail shall be the head….how do you all think this will happen?

      The reason is in the solutions…read them and I will that you understand.

      1. I went right over to solutions and zeroed in on something interesting to me. While you are over here cheering this on (and scaring me) these people are convinced that you cannot even comprehend what you are trying to convince the rest of us is truth.

        Because of that (and I'm gonna be finished quick) I will not be taking UNOI seriously. I will not be taking YOU seriously and I will be happy and not united because of it if necessary. I believe that what Adonis said (in one of the three mediums I'm around him in) is true: "Religion sells itself". You, ma'am, are trying too hard and turning people off more than turning them on.

        Since you know all the solutions, I won't point out to you the quote I'm referring to because I'm sure you will point out to the rest of the lovely ladies here today (and to the so called misogynistic men hanging around here).

        Have a wonderful weekend!

        1. “these people are convinced that you cannot even comprehend what you are trying to convince the rest of us is truth.”

          They said this about Noah and Jesus too…so this is nothing new. “Those people” did not write that. I know exactly what I speak of. Yet, I am but a person that is sharing what I KNOW to be true. I can understand what I read. Can you? That fear is for good reason….go with that.

          Did you find what I shared with you to be negative? How am I trying Hard to sell it when this is the FIRST time I even brought it up the enitre time I been commenting here….smh.

          You aren’t scared of things that have no meaning to you….

  41. 1st off congrats on the pending nuptuals SBM. Just wondering in your opinion what was incorrect in the second linked article?

  42. As a random side note, I want to point out that I have seen more and more people agreeing with Adonis than disagreeing these days……..

    *heads to Walmart to purchase goods for my End of Days survival kit*

    1. Have you noticed how "almost" nice he's been to the ladies recently? He even throws in a few compliments here and there. Frankly it's spooking me out! Could it be the unwavering love the ladies on this blog continue to shower on him (despite his preposterous and outrageous observations) may have softened him up just a little bit? Count me in for that End of Days kit.

  43. I’ve been so busy at work this week…not on here like I wish I could be. * sniff, sniff *

    “No need to keep winning when you’ve already won”


    Blood-washed Believer

    LOL…respect my way and I’ll respect yours…

    Oh…and CONGRATS SBM…I mean EBM (Engaged Black Man)! 🙂

  44. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. I wish you blessings, peace and happiness 🙂

    As of this week, I have my first upcoming date (in America at least) with a non-black man (white). I welcome the idea of love with a great man who may not be black. Of course I would love to cook some brotha my grandma butter biscuits, hot-water cornbread, mac n cheese, fried catfish and collard green, but he may not be a brotha–hey may just be my man, and that is quite okay with me.

    Yea, black men are winning, but black women are winning as well–I’m proof :-). I’m very open to dating all races of men, and I’m incredibly happy about my new horizons.

    Congrats again, and God bless 🙂

    1. "Of course I would love to cook some brotha my grandma butter biscuits, hot-water cornbread, mac n cheese, fried catfish and collard green"

      I'm assuming that you just love to cook these things – and you still can! he may not be a brotha but he may appreciate them just as much. I've seen non-black men become accustomed to Nigerian cuisine which isn't the easiest to get used to. To truly enjoy life, openness is a must so *high-five*

    1. He doesn't want to go thru the whole process of a wedding…the preparation, stress, and definitely the expenses. He just wants to be married!

  45. Congratulations on the Engagement!!

    *Massive eyeroll* @ the rest of the post.

    Like you said the sad reality is ‘a good professional black man is a rare gem’ that’s hardly #winning if there was more of uall maybe so many black women won’t be single.

    And what is this about ‘Most American black women are NOT marriage material’??? Can someone write a post on that please? OR if it’s been done please direct me to it… :-/

    It amuses me how in one breathe black men will sing praises of black women and be quick the distance themselves from the #PoorNonWinning BW. How are black women supposed to walk with their backs straight and chest out when their own men speak about them this way?

    @Beef- Islam is going to unite us?? Lmaoooooooo!! Please ___

    1. @Yarniz

      You going to have to meet me halfway here because I don't feel like going through moderation


      Most Black Women Fail the Audition Miserably

      I’m not going to b*tch about things that Black women do that are asinine and only attributed to their kind. Actually I am. It’s no secret that there’s a large number of them who are just impossible to get along with.


      Tracy gave six reasons why a woman isn’t married: You’re a b*tch, you’re shallow, you’re a sl*t, you’re a liar, you’re selfish, and/or you’re not good enough.

      Now, these post don't directly prove my point, which is okay… I will redirect you to a tweet that directs you to a post

      Here You Go

      You are exactly right, BM should not being speaking about BW in that way… The BW should be able to police each other under egalitarian standards… Or BW should be so fantastic, that there is no need to criticize them…

      Until then, I will do it for fun…


  46. Have you noticed how "almost" nice he's been to the ladies recently? He even throws in a few compliments here and there. Frankly it's spooking me out! Could it be the unwavering love the ladies on this blog continue to shower on him (despite his preposterous and outrageous observations) may have softened him up just a little bit? Count me in for that End of Days kit.

  47. While there may be some truth to this post…it made me want to curse out every societal force that adds any validity to this. From the effect that slavery had on the black family to the proliferation of the gangsta culture through the black community that landed so many black men in jail…. I curse every bit of this…

    congrats on your engagement though


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