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S*x Ed for Adults & Old S*x in New Relationships

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I'm a bawse. Whatchu want?

A few weeks ago I was at this Together Apart event called S*x Ed for Adults. It wasn’t one of those things where I sat there learning how to put on a condom or that babies don’t come from storks. It was real talk amongst experts, panelists, and the audience about sex, the female body, and bedroom communication. Imagine me, a perverse bastard, sitting in the back of a room that was about 75% women listening to them talk about how they like it and what makes for sheets magic. Imagine me listening to people explain why all coochies aren’t created equal and why some women are continuously on a pilgrimage to the land of O, yet never locate the Oasis because they don’t know their own bodies. Imagine me cracking up as some guy described good poon as soft poon even though I’ve never heard someone say they experienced hard poon. What exactly is hard poon? Titanium walls? You know what? Don’t answer that.

Majority of jokes aside, there were a few quotes, thoughts, and ideas that surfaced as I listened and tweeted from the event. Take a ride with me today in the sex mobile. Fellas, I’ve rented a few Chrysler 300’s for y’all to stunt in. Sorry, I’m selfish yet benevolent. I also respect man law and the pausability quotient. Anyways…

Dont bring old s*x into new relationships!



This is a paraphrase of something said during the discussion. It resonated so strongly with me that I considered doing a post on this concept in itself. Let me tell you an abbreviated story. A few years ago I was dating this chick. After 6 weeks of trying to get to the loinal union and learning a good amount (more than I asked) about her past, she decided it was time to experience General Gutsticker. She’d made references to rough play and how she had certain “hood” tendencies, but I rocked with them because she was hot and more mature than any other chick I’d dated. Fast forward past the excess information and there we were in the dark engagin’ in our first wrestling match. I was doing just fine until she yelled out “Who’s your bitch?!” After these words, a pin wasn’t the only thing you could hear drop. Put more simply, a soft rocket doesn’t touch the stars.

See Also:  Do cheaters have the right to remain silent?

Good s*x is good s*x, but what was good *ex with your last partner doesn’t mean good s*x with your current. I’m all about expressing the joys and pleasantries associated with coitus, but I’m not one for repeating old habits just because. If I tell you this, then respect it. Same way I wouldn’t expect a new chick to enjoy me slapping my jawn against her love hood, she shouldn’t expect me to do what the last man did from jump. There are multiple ways to get to an orgasm. And if there aren’t, you need to sort that out with a licensed professional.

There’s really no way to tell a man he isn’t cutting it in the sheets without bruising his ego. 

Sooo, all you can do is be positive and tell him what you like and when he’s winning. If you sense he’s about to leave you unsatisfied, get that thing outta there but keep making smiley faces. Anything less would be uncivilized. Then just don’t call him after that. We do it to y’all, so it’s only fair.

@shanelcooper: Know your body before you start running around looking for a mandingo d*ck. (paraphrase) 

It’s funny how often I hear lady friends talk about needing a cucumber, then they get 1 and can’t breathe or walk right. I’ll leave it at that.

See Also:  Can You Sleep With Someone Else While On A Break?

From audience: “Sometimes you’re gonna want him to put you on the washing machine and treat you like a dirty hoe.” 

Lady in the streets but freak in the sheets or on random appliances. Lady in the streets also applies to social media.

Jade Egg will strengthen that warm and moist muscle. 

Real talk. I never saw or heard of this “device” until the event. Apparently, using this egg-looking thing can take the walls to magically magnificent levels. If you got that loose goose, holler at the jade egg and get your squeeze on. Would you use a “weight implement” like this?

@Umystic Sex is a conversation that’s happening throughout your bodies.

Stop f**king and start talking. The more you talk, the more you’ll…well, you know. America ain’t the only place you’ll come.

@Tmizy People go to the same things that caused trauma to try to heal from the trauma. People need to talk about this. 

I thought this was a dope point. I think we all know someone that this applies to. It may even be you personally. If not, it’s still worth noting. Recognize and get the help you need to stop repeating the cycle.

Women need to be mind-f*cked to help them reach orgasm. 

Is this true? The women in the audience said yes. I’ve always been a fan of jigsaw puzzles and trick questions before the draws come off.

@drcastellanos: There are a lot of things that affect a woman’s lubrication. It doesn’t always mean she isn’t into it.

See Also:  Do Men Fake Orgasms?

Negro or relevant ethnic term, turn that damn fan off if it’s blowing on her coot. If that don’t work, holler at that astroglide. It must go in at all costs.

@drcastellanos Most times when a woman is having an orgasm, her abs contract. That’s one of best signs. #WatchTheGut 

A man asked about this. I supported the question. Some dudes know when the magic happens. Others have no clue. If you just got that lady nut, say you got that nut. It’ll make us feel better. If you didn’t, tell us to keep going or to stop because it’s too sensitive. Worst case scenario, just say “phuck yeah!” It works in the movies with the bunnies.

@Umystic There needs to be more talk about the spiritual connection in sex. Some ppl don’t wanna kiss during sex because they wanna avoid the spiritual connection. 

I get it, but I can’t do it. If there’s no kissing, I can’t go in there. I’ll be Noodles McNulty. Maybe it’s a Pisces thing. I don’t know. Just thought this was interesting and worth mentioning. What about you? Can you s*x it up without smooches?

That’s all I got for today. What are your reactions to the snippets and my thoughts? Agree or disagree? Is good s*x a nice have or must have for you in a relationship? Any other thoughts on bedroom communication? The answers may seem obvious, but I’m pretty sure they vary.

30 More Strokes and I’m Good,

P.S. I’ll be on the Battle of the Sexes panel hosted by Menage A Talks at Nightingale Lounge in NYC on September 29th. Click here to get the details and get your ticket! 

Comment(89)

  1. "Sometimes you’re gonna want him to put you on the washing machine and treat you like a dirty hoe." TRUTH. But the key word [for me anyway] is SOMETIMES. I must admit, I like it a lil' rough at times. Who doesn't? But it can't be like that all the time.
    "Know your body before you start running around looking for a mandingo d*ck." <— Ok, I forsee a lot of backlash here, but IMO, huge d*cks can be overrated. That's certainly not to say size doesn't matter, 'cause it still does… Just that they can be uncomfortable and some of those guys think they don't really have to do anything – as if the sheer size of that thang causes waterfalls. Um, no.
    And as far as kissing goes, it's not just a Pisces thing. I need that connection. It makes the s*x sooo much better/more intimate.

    1. “”Know your body before you start running around looking for a mandingo d*ck.” <—Ok, I forsee a lot of backlash here, but IMO, huge d*cks can be overrated."

      I hope there's not a lot of backlash here because it makes a lot of sense. In The Tao of Sexology, this is discussed. Basically you want a schlong that's as long as your yssup is deep. Otherwise you can do some damage and not in good way.

        1. i believe the sensation they are looking for is call 'the stretch'.

          If you are dealing with a size queen, you better come with what she asked for. pause.

        2. See Reecie, it’s all fun and games until some dude turns your bellybutton from an inny to an outty. Think about it.

  2. Id like to add… find out what it is I like [sexually] BEFORE we get it in.There's been a couple episodes where I've been asked "OOOOOH, YOU LIKE THAT"? and it took every fiber of my being not to say,."Actually No… I don't like that at all". Lol Id like to think I'm a freaky MF'er but everything ain't for everybody, fellas.

  3. “If you got that loose goose, holler at the jade egg and get your squeeze on.” <<< You are too funny. It pretty much sounds like assisted kegels.

    "Negro or relevant ethnic term, turn that damn fan off if it’s blowing on her coot. If that don’t work, holler at that astroglide. It must go in at all costs." <<<Slim you are killing me today. But you do not tell a lie.

    As far as the smooching goes. I gotta have it. Since I only sex if I have feelings for the person, then smooching has to happen. I get if you're just getting it in and u don't want feelings but for me personally, I can't do it. I will feel like an inanimate object and there will be no entry.

    Good sex is a must have in a relationship. It goes hand in hand with the emotional connection. If we don't hit it, even after talking about it and working together, then we must part ways. I can't have half a connection.

  4. "she decided it was time to experience General Gutsticker"

    *dead*
    I don't understand how someone can come up with so many different terms your their piece in a lifetime.

  5. 1. *Mase Voice* WELCOME BACK *Diddy Shuffles*

    2. You Pisces males * points finger*…I see you.

    3. Can we also add a leave the pr0n stereo type at home

    Being a lady of certain proportions means I am susceptible to males approaching expecting a pR0nstar.
    Fellas if you’re granted access to the inner circle don’t bring the BBW dreams over here unless you were sent a video clip with a message "Do these bad things to me.."

    It pays a lot to have someone take the time to explore you as though you are unchartered and new territories.
    Hearing a man respond to seeing me in birthday suit with “Daaaaamn” =>good
    Following it up with =>“youR like the girls on Bootyhunter.com…I bet you're G-Sp0t is right here" *cure random jabbing action*.”
    NOOT so much. I paraphrase , but true story.
    I may look like a blue movie star, don’t mean I want you to treat me like one

    …yet…

    My recent post My Precious…

  6. I’ve never really struck out in the bedroom I can honestly say the times where the sex was not very good was on the part of the woman; self-conscience, running low on time, not reciprocating my sexual tenacity, etc. Or if I did it was with an established partner who know sometimes “sh!t happens”

    If I do f^ck a newbie and I f^ck up I usually get that 2nd chance and make them nut so hard, that she wants to bottle my sp3rm and cant figure out how she wants to touch me after because she’s so f^cked up.

    The most crucial part to sex is being comfortable and paying attention. It’s really not rocket science ask a woman what she likes before you go in there and stop doing all that extra sh!t and be equipped with the tools to yield the crop. Niggaz talk hella game and get super corny in the bedroom.

    YOUR D!CK SHOULD BE A POET…excerpt “I held the back of her neck and stuck every ounce of d!ck I possessed into crevices of her p^ssy that hadn’t been touched.”

    But one of the worst things you can do is pressure a woman to bust a n^t…U wont get anywhere with that.

    PS: Flirting before you even get to the bedroom is very important, P^ssy loves suspense and temptation. Build a connection.

    1. PS: Flirting before you even get to the bedroom is very important, P^ssy loves suspense and temptation. Build a connection.

      Mmmmmmmmmhhhh I dig that

  7. The gutsticker comment is off the hinges.

    I am in total agreement wirh mind screwing and women can do it to men as well. Every once in a while it is mad cool to get it in for the sake of primal lust. However, the best times are when it has built up all day from orgasmic conversations and erotic “coupledom”. You know your mate and if ir means hand holding and walks then that is what it means. It will pay off in the end. 🙂

  8. i’m still kinda mind blown about the little egg…anyways ultimately discussion is key. you aint gotta take an order like “20 min from the back with a little hair pulling easy on the dirty talk” but you should have a general idea what you bout to get into *pun intended*. As for kissing i need something even if shes not into kissing lemme go to work on a neck or something

  9. ” Sometimes u wanna be put on the washer machine and be treated like a dirty hoe”

    I think women need to be more vocal about this. Ive known for quite sometime that all women feel this way at some point and time, but not that often. And, ya know, treating her like a dirty hoe when she feels like a lady is not gonna cut it, as well as vice versa. I had a chick look at me and just open her mouth after I “finished” on her stomach. In my head im thinking, ‘does she want me to put it in her mouth?’ But I didn’t bc I didn’t wanna offend her. Turns out she did bc the next time she did the same thing and I said ‘f*ck it, she’s gotta be inviting me’. But I just wish we didn’t have to play mind reader on things like this, or ever really.

    1. acting scary. I hear that.

      I know every time I chat up my time about a takedown the question always comes up "did you get the head?" the answer first time out is almost always know. Goons are happy to get some they don't want to push the limit and ruin things. Women are so difficult, you do one thing bad it could ruin the ENTIRE night. Just b/c I take a risk to try to improve the experience doesn't mean you should get up and leave. Can't be scared to let someone try something new.

      I actually went for the skull one time and the chick told me "I think I should go now." She did that the next three times I went for it. Than I actually asked her about it and she told me she was just shy. The next time I actually got good "sucking it after you bust, giving you soar piece feeling" quality whoops.

      1. You know what…

        I APPLAUD your persistance because i know plenty of dudes that'll take that first "No" as a "I guess she doesn't do that" and never ask again and then by the time she gets to me she's been so used to only having to say "No" once that she's never actually done it. FCUK THAT. I need that in my life. I will pester, badger, write post-it notes, text, messenger bird, email, MiGente message, and have a "Superhead" video on repeat when she comes over. Simple. If we're s*xing, no amount of No's will stop me.

        1. A Superhead vid will not help. I’ve seen a vid of her and it made me sick to my stomach. She was hocking lougies on dude’s junk. That ain’t chexy. If you’ve got a shy girl start her off with a different vid is all I’m saying. I have no suggestions on what though.

  10. I actually enjoy being critiqued afterwards. Give a damn about my ego. I can't get better if you don't tell me if or when I'm doing something wrong. Tossing me aside isn't exactly going to help me.

    1. Boooooooooooooo

      You want criticism buy a camera and put it on the internet. The homegrownflix/ rude.cmo/ youpron trolls will let you know if you are nice with yours.
      Don't put that kind of pressure on a lady to tell you about yourself. Than she is too focused on how to put into words and not focused on having a good time. This isn't a employee performance appraisal…

      1. Unless there is some new technology to transfer the people in the video's pleasure/pain, than their critique is absolutely meaningless. Other women can't judge width, girth, depth, which spots are being hit, etc. by a video. Inarticulate women are the antithesis to sexy regardless. If you don't know what you like/hate you need to bench yourself and find out exactly what your body responses to.

        1. you are right my dude. But those comments are funny as hell……

          "Yo man you aint hitting it right. Send me are twitter handle, I'll take care of that for you".

          lmao.

      2. You know what? This is a good idea. Not posting it on the internet but recording it and then pulling out a Madden pen and going over it together. That actually sounds fun. Critiques aren't just for guys though, women would like some feedback too. At least I would. Without feedback how do we know how to improve our performance?

    2. Yea I love the play by play break down afterwards. Ya kno, after we wake up of course. Let me kno what Ima doing right, wrong, and everything in b/w. There’s always room for improvement. And since Ima get mine, I want u to u to get urs as soon and as often as possible.

  11. 1. It is a Pisces thing.

    2. You shoulda smack that girl's arse and said "You beeyoooootch!!!!" J/K…I sort of see what you're saying but…well…I just give the people what they want.

  12. That damn kiss during sex is the killa, its the damn killa!!! (in a good way)

    I'm all about the connection and stuff but in my head its like im in(side of) you in 2 spots!!! <~~~~~~~~ WHATS BETTER THAN THAT??!!? NUFFIN..lol

    Its like look ma – no hands!

  13. "I was doing just fine until she yelled out “Who’s your bitch?!”

    This right here…is bringing back memories that I would care not to reflect on. Ever. Thanks for that! LOL

  14. "Put more simply, a soft rocket doesn’t touch the stars."

    I hate to tell you this…but I laughed at your pain, LMBO!

    And, "the do" ALWAYS starts in my mind! This isn't limited to nasty chatter. It's really more about how we build up to the moment. Were you thoughtful and attentive? Did you run up behind me, give me a hug, kiss that spot right between my neck and shoulder, nustle your head there, and talk in my ear…for no reason (gets me every time…so endearing)?

    And, I cosign the spiritual connection/kissing piece…pretty much why I can't be casual.

    And, I'd NEVER use that egg.

    And, skill…plus the fact that you really like chex…is way more important than size, IMO.

    And, no fans…please…and thanks.

  15. That Jade egg tho…

    Just realized females got so many random s*x toys…eggs, bunnies/rabbits, etc. Some Easter holiday ish

  16. Bout that mind fcuking….. Yeeeaaahhhh (LilJohn)

    Gospel All Day — because for me s.ex starts between my ears (read: brain) if it ain't poppin here then it won't be flowing down there but during sessions I like to be the one doing the brain smashing because let's face it fellas some of ya'll be saying some crazy NOT SO SEXY mess when you get into that spot. *smhl*

    Kissing #FTW

    1. This is why you practice with a regular ben-wa ball and at home first. Once you've got good muscle action going on then you can "carry" it out in public. The fact that you're secretly doing it publicly is the thrill… or so I've read.

      1. Kryst splain me this – what the hell yall pose to do wit that egg? i dont get it..you put it up there and ya walls is suppose to lock down so it dont drop out????

        1. Pretty much, it's called kegels. With this device, it's just a weighted kegel which will lead to tighter walls and more intense o.rgasms and supposedly helps with moistness somehow. I'm no expert, I don't own one but I do own ben-wa balls. Men can benefit from kegels too though, no egg necessary. Just throwing that out there.

        2. Nothing else for me to say about it except for check out Tatiata Kozhevnikova, world’s strongest vag…… whole ‘nuvva level.

    2. sunt I'm wit ya on those kegels…(as I do mine too) lol.
      I also think folks need to use their imagination more and stop being so freakin lazy.
      A question was asked years ago on a radio station in Philly – What is your best sexual tool?
      The answer was your imagination because it's limitless and it's true.
      Couples need to learn to romance each other, create a mood and do more than just lighting scented candles and playing R. Kelly or The Isley Brothers. Read some books and do some research on different things to do. Look into going to some fetish rooms if they have them in your city/state. Learn to do basic massage. There are books on it and you can youtube instructional videos on it.
      Use your imagination to the fullest.
      Men women LOVE to be romanced……Women get tired of men just getting them off physically. After a while just touching and kissing a womans genitals gets tired….so if you can sing sing her a love song, recite a sexy poem, read some Zane books together, take baths together, use food and do whatever.
      Be creative.

  17. Mind-f*cked ….YES!!!! Instant waterfalls. the proper orchestrated mind-f*ck will knock the flood gates off the hinges. Kissing is a must. More intense than mind-f’d because of the physical connection. Thousands of tiny sensor ms tingling ,each with its own imagination brewing a tantilizing tease. Whew…had a moment. If I can tastes your thoughts, will get the juices flowing sweeter than a ripen Georgia peach. And I’m from Arkansas. If course a wack kiss will do the opposite. But the more connected the bomber the s*x.

  18. People go to the same things that caused trauma to try to heal from the trauma. People need to talk about this.

    This is so true, sometimes a person is drawn to that trauma no matter what and even though it's horrible they still gain some type of pleasure out of it. Hard to explain I think.

    Anyway, that egg looks sorta heavy, just sayin.

  19. I don't think the jade egg is a sex toy. At least I know something similar thats called "Geisha balls" and it's actually originally developed for women who've given birth, so that they can strengthen the muscles down there back to how they were before childbirth. Cause being loose down there will make you unable to really enjoy sex (which is one reason to some women losing their sex drive after giving birth) and it'll feel less good for the man as well. You can strengthen your muscles without the eggs and whatever too but it'll be hard work, like with other muscles… And with these "toys" it happens automatically. I couldn't imagine putting one inside me and just walking the streets, but then, I haven't given birth.

  20. "Women need to be mind-f*cked to help them reach orgasm.
    Is this true?"

    SOME women may NEED it… but it's not necessarily a reqirement for everyone. I mean… if a woman knows her body and how to work it for her OWN pleasure you can really just sit there and she should still be able to O. It sure ain't a bad thing tough if its done correctly…

    "Most times when a woman is having an orgasm, her abs contract. That’s one of best signs"

    I dont know about that…. but a sure sign is if she's vocal and then gets reaaaaaaaaaaaal quiet all of a sudden… that O's about to pop off for sure unless you do something stupid in those few seconds. IMHO that is one of the best signs.
    My recent post NYC: Jesse Boykins III &amp; The Beauty Created Live at Highline Ballroom 9/19!

  21. Good post. Will comment more when I’m not mobile.

    All I have to say is a like a woman that talks. The nastier the better in my case but I guess that aint for everybody. Mo fo WIM!

    To some of the other men’s points, it is frustrating trying to figure out what a woman is or is not into. It’s usually a guessing game for a while because even if she IS into it but she’s embarrassed by it she fo damn sho aint about to tell you. I usually just “test the waters” up and until I hear “no” or “stop.” For the record, I’ve never heard those words.

    And that’s all I have to say about that.

  22. First and foremost, that "b*tch" thing in the bedroom is a No-No … I would've failed like 50 Tyson taking an etymology exam.

    If we aint (passionately) kissing, I'm not live … I mean the mic ain't even plugged into the wall and the word "No" in the bedroom is like kryptonite to my ears, the Pro Tools will crash.

    A good question to ask is "how freaky are you on a scale of 1 to circus animals, midgets, bukkake, salad tossing and orgies?" … But then again, its always one thing to say some ish and another to actually be on that.

    1. How freaky is it that I like to see "circus animals, midgets, bukkake, salad tossing and orgies" in p0rn? *grin*

      ok… the animals dont have to be in the circus.

  23. There need to be more forums and classes nationwide like the one you went to Slim…this would help folks tremendously who are clueless where sex is concerned and can't give or receive the right kind of loving that will consistently lead to fulfillment and sexual satisfaction.
    I suggest in the meantime that folks read books and work out and do yoga…yoga greatly improves flexibility if you do it consistently for several months. Flexibility allows you to explore various Kama Sutra positions and Tantric Sex to break the monotony of "ye ole missionary and doggystyle positons"

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