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Five Women I Adore But Could Never Be With

"I Love Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls. Girls I do Adore..."

As men, one of the things we like to spend our time doing is categorizing. We put everything into categories from our sports, to our music to our women. I’ve gotten to know my fair share of women in my life, so in today’s post I want to discuss 5 archetypical women I’ve known and adored, but with whom I could never build a successful long term relationship.

I'm sayin Ang, can we just chill tonight baby?

5. The Activist

Back in my more militant days, I used to daydream about what it would be like to date a woman who shared my desire to overthrow the powers that be and create a country where equality of opportunity wasn’t just a goal, but a fundamental characteristic.  In my daydreams, we’d sit around discussing the politics of the day, analyzing where the president was failing and what we needed to do to get him on track. We’d lay in the bed, our brown skin intertwining into infinity as incense burned and Little Brother plays.  When injustice, like this Troy Davis execution occurred, we wouldn’t be protesting on twitter, we’d be in Atlanta chaining ourselves to a fence somewhere.  But then I remember how in reality, I’m probably not as militant as I think I am. I like nice things, things only afforded in capitalist societies. Capitalism is so not revolutionary. I think about how little of my time is spent actually doing activist type stuff, and how much of my time is spent pursuing my own personal, selfish interests. The truth is, if I dated someone who was seriously ’bout that activist life, we probably wouldn’t get along so well. To her, I’d  be a sell-out.

"Only Thing Wrong With Her She's Always on the Scene"

4. Got Damn She’s Fine But She Party All The Time

Another woman I’m fond of in fantasy is the super high maintenance, perpetually glammed out party girl. She’s the “it” girl. The girl who’s at all the parties, always on the scene and always looking absolutely fabulous. What I love about this type of woman is that in my mind, she’s always on. Never a dull moment. We can go to all the openings of the all the best new clubs, restaurants and lounges. We hit the city like J and B with “All of The Lights” playing as we enter all the dopest spots. In reality, I’m totality incompatible with the chick who’s always on the scene. Firstly, I’m not a dude who likes to always be out and about. I like parties, but I also like ordering in and reacquainting myself with a Spike Lee joint I haven’t watched in a bit. Next, I’m doing aiight, but I’m not at Zuckerberg status just yet … popping bottles and being at all the best spots costs bread … bread that at this point could be used elsewhere.

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3. Lights Please

“She Said it’s o.k. rubbed my head and told me to relax, laid a n*gga down proper like she was recording tracks, said I know you wanna change the world but for the night please, just reach over and hit the lights please.”

Wise words from a decent man – the homey J. Cole. This song inspired this post. In this joint, Coley Cole writes my life as he discusses a relationship with a woman who, as it relates to her dealings with him, has no interest in anything besides sex. The idea of a woman who’s only interested in boning is so awesome in fantasy, but in reality there’s no way to really make that work for the long haul. I might not be Malcolm X, but I’m also not completely disinterested in what’s going on in the world outside my window. I be havin’ deep thoughts and ish. Sometimes I need to let those go and if every time I want to discuss something of substance my woman is telling me to turn out the lights – we’re not going to work.

"Can You Iron Both Shirts For Me?"

2. The Homemaker

The idea of having a woman whose only goal in life is to make my home situation as comfortable as possible seems amazing. I picture myself coming home to the smell of almost ready food in the kitchen, ESPN on the T.V. and a freshly made Old Fashioned on the coffee table. I kick off my shoes(without ever planning to put them away), as my woman massages my shoulders. In truth, I couldn’t be with a home maker for a number of reasons. First, I don’t want to be the only human contact my woman has 5 out of the 7 days in a typical week. When you’re the only person they get to talk it’s almost impossible for them to not go crazy telling you all about every moment of their day. You’re responsible for the bulk of their mental stimulation, so they’re going to tell you about every episode of SVU they watched, every news item that piqued their interest, and every other single thought they had throughout the course of the day. In addition to that, I like my woman to have personal ambition. I like her to have career goals of her own, material and non-material desires of her own, and most importantly close friends and acquaintances of her own. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with homemakers – I just don’t think I could ever be with one.

See Also:  The One That Got Away
"Troy Davis deserved to what???"

1. The White Girl

I’m not against interracial relationships. I think that if two people find a way to make each other happy they should pursue that happiness for as long as they possibly can. In theory, it seems like it’d be awesome for me to be with a white woman. Much of my world-view is shaped by the fact that I identify myself as a black man. Being with someone of a different race, in theory would provide endless of amounts of interesting conversation, banter and access to a perspective I don’t often get a chance to experience personally. In truth though, I could never be with a white person. I value my blackness too much. Not only could I never be with a white person, I probably could never be with a black person who didn’t appreciate their blackness the same way I do. I just love being black and I love being around black people.

But that’s just me. What about you guys? Fellas, have you dated any women that fit into the categories I’ve described above. Or, have you dated a woman who, on the surface seemed awesome but turned out to not be so awesome? Do you fantasize about certain types of women despite knowing you won’t ever be able to be with them? Ladies what about you? Ever thought it might be sexy to be with a drug dealer, or a super hood type dude – or maybe you’ve actually been there and done that? What was it like? What about a white guy, or a musician or some other archetypical male? Who are the guys you dream despite knowing it would probably never, ever work?

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  1. I don’t know if I have a woman I fantasize about, but would never date. Key word: fantasize. Maybe I’m just too chill at this point in life to think about that much lately. But I do agree with your list, and it’s probably because there’s a lack of balance (not always but quite a bit). From what I’ve seen they tend to be one trick ponies, and that won’t fly with me.

  2. Re: #1. My ex is like that. He's not racist or anything, but he's so pro-black that something as simple as walking down the street with a white woman would have him internally conflicted, because he doesn't want little black girls to look at them and think that he's yet another well-educated, decent brother who's abandoned his sisters.

    I once briefly went out with a thug who was quick tempered with everyone else, but the sweetest thing with me. I'm talking so sweet, he didn't even talk about sex with me ever because I was a virgin. He would be in the car with his boys singing "you should let me love you," and then hand the phone to someone while he beat up anyone who dared tease him. I think I did have a mental thing for thugs back in the day, but only from afar. What attracted me to this one was his quietness and the fact that he was just so down to earth (as far as I was concerned, anyway). Things eventually went awry, and by the time we came across each other again, I was very much aware that our two different lifestyles could not co-exist.

    As far as colour preferences are concerned, black guys are the ones who had a novelty effect on me. Before I crushed on the first black guy I knew around my age (anything prior to age 7 doesn't count), I had white guys crushing on me, and vice versa. As it stands, I'm often the one people say they can easily see with a white guy. It hasn't come to fruition yet, but after being stuck on black guys for so long, I'm actually developing an interest in this fair skinned fellow with a great smile. It's still yet to be seen whether I could actually follow through with it. My brothas are my first choice, always; however, I'm open to be wooed.

    I don't know that I currently have a special thing for any group in particular that I probably couldn't follow through with. Perhaps I shall come up with something upon further reflection.

    1. Hmmm…

      1. You are looking really Huxtable in that avi…
      2. When women give out good advice to other women about raising their standards when dealing with young bastards like me, it leaves good impressions all over…


      1. Why, thank yer kindly. lol I find it amusing that you comment on stuff from other blogs on here. It took me a split second to realize what you were referring to.

  3. Great list. I think I agree with all five. For me tho, there's another: tha hood bitch. I mean the chick who'll sell work to post bail for you, or stuff your work in her twat to get it on the bus to whereeverthefuckyoulive. I love hood bitches, I relate to them on a level on which I connect to a lot of my family members, and for me they represent a home kind of feel in the sense they are what I've grown from. However, I could not, can not, and will not ever date a hood chick no matter how phat the ass or how good the pussy. That baggage'll get you in all kinds of fucked up circumstance.

    1. I was going to add Hood chicks… They are good from afar but far from good. Though I do appreciate them and in certain ways, feel sorry for them. They are only a result of their environment, and could probably do more if exposed to better opportunities.

      Besides, I heard they give great oral presentations…

    2. I've been with a woman who was pretty hood. It's not as bad as you think. We had some fun and she wasn't as incompatible with non-hood situations as I thought she might be. That's why I didn't put her on the list. When a dude is hood, he's pretty much hood wherever he goes, but I've found that if you take a hood chick out of the hood, in time, she'll adapt to whatever sorta of behavior is acceptable in the new environment.

      Kinda flies in the face of conventional logic, but – it's just what I've found.
      My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

      1. Tell them, again, please *giggles*

        But this: "When a dude is hood, he's pretty much hood wherever he goes…" actually can be softened too. Sometimes you gotta give one of those "ok, we gon' go in this here store, I'm tell you now" mama-type speeches. Or do a dry run at home: this is how you hold chopsticks baby…. I'ma set the table for real tonight (just so you can see the whole silverware set up)…. this is how you say sommelier and this is what (s)he does… and on and on. For real, if they care about you at all, they will give it a shot and it's a beautiful, beautiful thang indeed.
        My recent post I Reminisce(d)

  4. Good drop Sir Spradley.

    A woman who's a hardcore fan of Boston sports teams if a definite no. I couldn't be with someone extremely evangelical. I could probably only do a lapsed Christian in all honesty. Muslims, Jews, and almost everyone else I'm fine with. I couldn't do the career student. The one I'm on the fence about is the one who's family is attached to her hip like even though they've been married and out the house for years they still absolutely have to see each other everyday. If I'm absolutely in love with the majority of her family then it's gravy; if I'm not, I'm running for the hills.

    1. I feel like a couple of these are fixable. Like the career student could use guidance… the umbilical cord can be snipped… right? But..

      "A woman who's a hardcore fan of Boston sports teams is a definite no".

      lmao. What!? Seriously? I hope that is a joke…
      In our defense:
      1.) When you are from Boston it's not like you really have a choice…
      2.) We be winning and sh*t…. *shrug*

        1. Yup. I mean prior to this decade Boston was up there with Philadelphia in Championship droughts across all 4 major sports. It was back when Larry Byrd was with the Celtics that there was a winning team there.

  5. 1. The Celebrity- While its fun to daydream about certain men in the limelight, I could never actually date one. Bossip tearing you to shreds on a daily basis? ill pass

    2. The Provider- I think this is the male version of the Homemaker. A guy who smothers you with gifts, makes you want from nothing, and expects nothing more from you than to cook and spend his money. And he probably isn't eager to have intellectual convos with you. I want a man to expect more from me than that and I the same for him.

    My recent post Tell ‘Em Why You Mad!!

    1. You know, I thought about adding "the celebrity to my list of women I couldn't date, but I skipped over it because I think there are some celebrities who seem to carry it really well in their personal lives. I like the sorta of celeb women who are out there when they're out there but are lowkey when they are taking time off or not doing anything. Beyonce is a good example. She's always struck me as the type of woman who comes home and is super chill and quiet. You don't really hear about her partying too much or anything like that. I imagine her world is totally different when she's at home. I could deal with that.

      My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

    2. Lioness, as to your number 2, here's one of my favorite Nin quotes:

      “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”
      My recent post I Reminisce(d)

  6. STRIPPER- I adore women who use their sexuality to make money. I cannot be in a relationship with one who does.

        1. He seemed to always be 'performing'. His wardrobe consisted of too many smedium shirts. And I can tell he was use to women spoiling him. So maybe my problems with him stem from the fact that he was a pretty boy.

      1. Funny, I've written about this before but I'm too lazy to get the exact link. Anyway, I would date a former and a current stripper and in fact have already (I think far more men than realize have dated strippers. It's not like that is a convo that usually comes up on the first date UNLESS you met her in the club BUT that's another story for another day). Although, if we got serious, then I'd want her to stop. I'm just saying I wouldnt exclude a woman simply because she held a job/profession I did not agree with BEFORE she met me.

        Times is tough. We in a recession, bro.
        My recent post Men Already Know How to Act Right

  7. Fantasia, Keyshia Cole… As we speak, although I adore and attracted to women that come from dysfunctional families, I am ill-equipped to make it happen with those types…

    So, for now, no women with documented daddy issues or simply come from single black mothers…..

    I will adore & admire you from a distance…


    P.S. Nobody told Dr. J is doing Sunday Specials… I guess now that his blog is in the Hall of Fame… He has alot of freed up time… #Quan

  8. Lioness Rising had a great list that hit on my contribution. While being Michelle Obama sounds like a fairy tale, in all honesty, I’m not cracked up for it. From the groupies/interns, to the time demands, to having everyone ALL up in our business at all times, not to mention the crazy difficult job that my husband has taken on…I just could never be a celeb wife, as beautiful as the inauguration ball was, as noble as their sacrifice is, as lovely as saying, “I’m Mrs Obama” and that getting you through doors previously closed to you must feel, as historically significant as they are, I’m not built for all that.

    The perpetual student, activists, and doctors go on my list of “yeah, that’s nice-but not for me” too.

      1. I think the hard part about being a ministers wife would be the times that you come into contact with the ministers humanity.

        Like… yo… did you just curse me out? Really Pastor?

        Then you gotta sit in church and listen to him preach the good word while you're thinking … "this n*gga here."

        We're all human, and we all fall short of the glory of god, but I imagine if you were married to someone who's a professional soul-saver, it's gotta be more difficult to accept shortcomings.
        My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

        1. LMBO!

          I have a Bishop and several Pastors and Ministers in my family…and the bf is a PK.

          THIS>>>>>Then you gotta sit in church and listen to him preach the good word while you're thinking … "this n*gga here." <<<<<made me laugh out loud!

          SMH! LOL!

          Humanity is not removed by anointing. But the truth is still the truth…can't use the messenger as an excuse not to receive the truth. Some truth bearers make that hard though, lol…

      2. C/s Kema! I wouldn’t want to be a minister’s wife either. What would you do though if you married a dude and he later became a minister?

      3. Yeah, I just couldn't do it. They are great, noble professions and I'm glad that there are women out there equipped for it, but prioritizing work over family is a non negotiable for me, even if that "work" is running the free world or saving souls. I crave stability, routine, order, consistency. That's an unfair request on these men. They are the backbones of the community, which sometimes means that they are there for the community when they can't be there for the family.

        And Most is so right about the humanity aspect. My Dad is a church leader and there are some sermons he just aught not preach…

    1. I dated a 2nd year resident once and boy did it suck.

      Physicians in Training = NO
      Physicians in Practice + Maybe

  9. Once again brilliant post Most! Very interesting topic, I'm curious to see what others contribute to the discussion.

    As for guys, my list is pretty similar to the above female list:

    The Revolutionary Man: For the same reasons as Most. Although I do what I can to effect change, I could probably never be radical enough for this man.

    The Thug: In theory he's exciting, but we have nothing in common, and I can't bring you around my colleagues or mother.

    The Pro-Athlete: Amazing body & I'm a sports fanatic, so there's the appeal, but I've known a few pro-athletes and some are just not very smart…smh. (SOME not all) I thrive on great convo.

    The Male Model: As beautiful as they are to look at, I just cannot with a man who's prettier than me. Too much pressure.

    The Celeb/It Man: I'm way too private of a person to survive scutiny. Plus EVERYBODY wants him.

  10. Interestingly enough, I dated a lot of these"types" by the age of 21. Thugs, Popular/Frat guys, athletes, extra pretty boys, etc. In the end the fantasy is usually way better than the reality. (Plus they're more prone to cheating.)

    Now that I'm 25 (older and wiser) I realize its best to have someone who's well-rounded. I'd like to think that I have a little bit of all of Most's list in me (yeah I said it.) Anyone who fits too perfectly into a box or category just isn't right for me.

      1. @NaijaSweetz: LOL! Yea only cuz random Adele, Gaga, Ashlee Simpson, Taylor Swift, and Brittney songs can be found on my i-pod touch. Oh yea, and I occassionally have blonde moments…lol

        @Sprads: Ehhh, I think I'm more of a home maker than anything else. The only major distinction is that I don't ever see myself not having some type of job. I love cooking, kids, and the idea of PTA meetings/activities. I've pretty much been that way my whole life.
        Also, if ESPN's on when hubby gets home, its cuz I was watchin it…#jussoyallknow LOL

        1. "LOL! Yea only cuz random Adele, Gaga, Ashlee Simpson, Taylor Swift, and Brittney songs can be found on my i-pod touch. Oh yea, and I occassionally have blonde moments…lol "

          I'm obviously going about being white all wrong…

        2. I listen to random everything for real. Listening to Pandora on shuffle right now, it's all over the place – but no, I don't have a white girl pop station on my Pandora. 80's allllll day though! 🙂

          Just ribbin ya for what constitutes as "white".

        3. Gotcha. Well I wasn't trying to be offensive. I think it speaks more so to my experience as a black female than anything. While growing up, certain actions/behaviors/choices, like the music of the white artists whom I mentioned aren't always accepted. I'm sure others can attest to the "you tryna act white struggle." Fortunately with age it dwindles away though. I guess thats what I was getting at.

          Anyway I didn't mean for that to be the focus of my comment though. My point was really just that being well-rounded and not fitting perfectly into any box is a good characteristic…

        4. Oh I'm not offended hun, in a jovial mood today 🙂

          I too can relate to the "you tryin to act _____" struggle.

          And I agree with this completely – "being well-rounded and not fitting perfectly into any box is a good characteristic."

  11. I am pretty open when it comes to dating. On my list, I'd include the religious zealot. Please, don't get it twisted. I'm not a heathen, I'm just more spiritually opened-minded than most and I know that would cause BIG problems.

    1. I agree with you. I grew up in a Muslim family and converted to Christianity. I would need someone who's open to both ideas, who's foundation is a relationship with God. But not someone who's uber-churchy.
      My recent post Fool for you

  12. I was recently at a friends house while she and her man were still getting ready to go out for the evening when I realized a new deal breaker: music. I need you to love music. My friend and her man were getting ready in complete silence. No talking, no background television, just the sound of random things being put down on the counter, drawers closing, etc. I asked if they wanted me to put some music on… and that lead to a conversation regarding their love for the simplicity in silence – it was peaceful to them. #Yawn.

    I am not one of those "never satisfied with a nice calm evening" types but in general – I need music and I need you to need it too. And while I'm open minded about the kind of music that we listen to, I will not listen to you try to debate why west coast &gt; east coast or why soulja boy is a legitimate rapper. No sir. I cannot.

    Next there is the conspiracy theorists. I do NOT want to listen to why you think NASA doesn't really exist and how we never went to the moon. FOH. Do not put random gizmos on our phones because you think "the man" is tapping them and all other kinds of random crazy a** sh*t. Don't get me wrong I do not just dismiss radical theories – for instance, I love the "Ancient Aliens" series… but there is a line.

    Lastly, there is the… hmm… not sure of what to call this guy. What is the male equivalent to, for instance, a Georgia Peach? I cuss from time to time. I drink beer. I like sports. I'd rather pay someone to do the dishes and laundry and my life WILL STILL be complete if I never have kids. That being said I wear dresses far more often than pants, get a mani/pedi and my hair done etc. and very much love being a feminine *not GIRLY* lady. But if you are one of those men that thinks women should go sneak off to some far away land just to belch.. yea.. we are not going to work.

    1. I'm torn about the music thing… I was with a serious hip hop head… I mean serious… I love to have music playing in the house- so that I can do- but I need some real variety… so I guess he'd need to not only love music, but have a bit wider taste too… but yeah, pregame requires music and fun, etc.

      But also… I love an ample amount of quiet time… I've gone months without even having a TV in the house…
      My recent post I Reminisce(d)

    2. OMG! As soon as I read the list I thought of conspiracy theorist. I had the pleasure of dating one earlier this year. He was amusing at first and his eyes lit up whenever he talked about the theories. But no… I do not want to hear about what the Illuminati is doing one more time.

        1. Man! My friend was dating one (conspiracy theorist) around the same time and he had us watching a dvd on which hip hop stars were affiliated. I can now point out the times that Rihanna, Beyonce, Jay-Z & Chris Brown throw up Illuminati signs in their videos. Oh yeah and dont forget Mr President. When you hear a couple of his speeches played backwards it says something about worshipping the devil. 0_o

      1. I had a brief encounter with a conspiracy theorist-this man made me nuts. You're doing too much homie, you're doing too much. *smh* But I in no way adore these guys soooo…

  13. LOL that activist? tooootally me at one point. hilar.

    i could never seriously date the revolutionary poet. after submersing myself in the culture when i was younger and finding out that the pro-black, fight the oppression, *beautiful* dreds down his back dude is still… a dude. and they still do effed up ish that contradict their preachings sometimes. i had to knock the loc'd king off the throne. the thrill was gone. i hope none of my guy friends read this bc nearly all of them are poets. lmbo.

    "he got a big egooo"… yeah i love assholes. kanye? i'd have his babies…in my head. translated to everyday though, sometimes the super arrogant, super confident dude doesn't know how to turn it off. and that would eventually end up in fisticuffs. cause i'm a thug and i don't take that mess. lol

    the pro athlete/ actor… i can't imagine enjoying seeing my actor husband do sex scenes with the hollywood hottie of the moment every three months. not to mention the groupies and their disrespect. can you imagine how insane Idris' wife would be if he had one? i don't need those gray hairs. pro-athletes simply bc… eh. …no comment. lol. i'd just be constantly worried about injuries and uprooting my life every few years due to trades and such. plus footballers, boxers, wrestlers, have all kinds of health problems when they get older. nawl. and a bball player would result in 6'2 daughters with size 14 feet. i won't do that to my chile. lol

    My recent post concrete jungle where dreams are maaaade of….

  14. Fun post Mr. Spradley. I’m only 1.5 things on that list.

    My list:

    1. The football player- love the nice body but football beats you up pretty badly doesn’t it? His body would be useless later on in life.

    2. The thug- sounds exciting but not the lifestyle I want.

    3. The hairstylist- I love the idea of him with his hands in my hair all the time and him brushing it and washing it and what not but he gets too close to too many women on a daily basis. Would make me uneasy.

    4. A dude with long hair (dreds mostly)- I think (neat and clean) dreds are chexy and would love to put my hands all in them and pull them when the time is right but a dude with long hair screams high maintenance.

    5. The overly stylish dude- I like the idea of a dude that’s always put together in the latest fashions but honestly I wouldn’t be able to keep up.

    6. The dancer- something tells he’d be good at moving his body in fun ways but I can’t dance myself so I’d just feel inadequate.

    7. The collector- I think hobbies are nice and fun but there’s something about a huge hot wheels collection that screams nerd and misplaced priorities. Plus my grandma is a hoarder, I don’t want to live with any of that again.

    1. I agree with your #5… I don't like to get dressed all the time… I'm definitely a jeans and kicks kinda girl. A man in a white or black tee, some nice jeans, and some clean kicks is all I need for most days… add a fitted and I'm _done_.
      My recent post I Reminisce(d)

    2. Krys! Which 1.5 are you? If I had to guess, I think from your prior comments on other posts you're a half-white homemaker? I think… not sure. Don't be offended if I'm wrong… lol.

      If that's correct tho, what's that homemaker life like? Do you enjoy it? Do you get into stuff outside of uh… making the home?

      And how does the hubby respond? Is this a mutual decision.

      Lemme stop, I'm all up in your business.
      My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

      1. Give that guy a Klondike bar! Yes Most, that's right.
        The homemaker life has it's ups and downs. Up: We save on a lot of things. We don't have to pay for daycare. We use less gas and buy less clothes. I love being home for my baby girl. And my son gets out of school kind of early so again saving on daycare and I like being here for him when he gets home. I feel very bonded to both of my kids.
        Down: It can get kind of boring. It has set me back in school and career. I guess the career part isn't so bad since I didn't really know what I wanted to be doing anyhow. I think my friends may have a hard time relating to me. Plus when we get around a certain set of friends I just feel left out.

        1. After having my first child, it wasn't so much a decision as it just kind of turned out that way and honestly, I don't think I could've handled a job back then because I was having a health issue. I eventually had to wean and go back to work for budgetary reasons though. With this second child, it was a mutual decision for me to stay home and so we were able to plan and pay off all of our bills except for student loans and one of my hubby's credit cards.
          I don't get into a lot of stuff outside of the home. The only places I go with any frequency is Walmart and the Y.
          The hubby likes my being home but I think if I worked normal hours he probably wouldn't mind me working. This is just temporary for us because I can't see myself being satisfied with this forever. I may go back to work next year or when my daughter starts school. It depends on when I can get on at my hubby's job and when the time comes I just have to decide then if we're ready.

        2. PS We finally got to go on our date yesterday! We couldn't use all of your suggestions but best believe I have them in the back of my mind for later use. Thanks for the legging idea too. I couldn't find a long enough shirt so I just wore yoga capris. My hubby gave them positive reviews! He actually got distracted a couple of times!

        3. We already have our next date planned for the 22nd! Horse back riding. It's something new and should be fun and a little more romantic. Yeah. We were in a rut.

    3. #4 and #5-YES!

      Nice to look at, but c’mon, move over, I need the mirror…go watch some sports or something.

      1. Chill. Nothing wrong with being super-stylish. I think the key is to make it look effortless. People spend tons of time in the mirror primping and all that when they don't have a lot of fly-sh*t. If all your stuff is fly, then, you're just fly and it doesn't take a whole lot of work or time.

        So I guess I agree and disagree. I would consider myself pretty stylish, but I don't take a lot of time to get ready and I'm not the least bit pretty.
        My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

        1. I'm riding with Krys on this one. It's not the mirror time, it's the total mismatch once we leave the house,lol. If you saw my closet you'd probably strike a match – I have to admit I'm sort of a plain jane and it's only gotten worse since the twins. Just wait til you have some kids, every piece of clothing you own has at least one vomit stain and every penny goes towards the family.

        2. I guess it would be a combination of the mirror time and the mismatchedness. We would be mismatched if he were more stylish but also it would be like dude, where are you going that you gotta be dressed up like this? Or I would feel like I'd have to go change my clothes to be on his level. Then I'd feel overdressed for my trip to walmart. And the mirror time, he already spends enough time getting ready and when he emerges, it isn't readily apparent as to why it took him so dang long. The man just moves slow.
          Honestly, I'm into fashion, it just doesn't fit in with my lifestyle so I don't go for the best stuff, just the stuff that gets the job done. Plus because we were living on such a strict budget, I put that stuff on the back burner a long time ago. Now I want to step my game up but I just can't sum up the energy to get myself dressed real proper to scramble some eggs and fry some bacon or to mop the floor and I won't be the woman who wears heels to go grocery shopping.

        3. Nothing wrong with it at all, it's just not for me and my man. I do wanna be the prettiest one in the relationship. Nothing wrong with being a homemaker, or white, or an activist, or….you see where I'm going with this…

        4. I've said before that my hubby dresses like Forest Gump. He's trying to step up his fashion game but really he's so laid back and nonchalant about it, it doesn't seem like it would be becoming on him.
          He's not trying to be fly, just look nicer I suppose but right now as it stands, he takes too dang long to get ready anyway. The man moves like pond water. If you gave him more stuff to wear, I can see him getting indecisive and taking longer.
          Lemme ask you something though Most. How does your beard feel? Is it soft? You put anything in it?

        5. Dang it Most! I was hoping for another one of your golden nuggets of info. Smh. My man just has hard hair I guess. His beard huuuuurts but I don't want to tell him to shave it off because he'll look like a fourth grader.

        6. How long is his beard – Pause.

          I've found that once it get to a certain thickness it's much softer. Pause Pause Pause.

          When it's just stubble you cause all kinds of burn. But once it's grown in, it's good money. But if it's really difficult for you, tell him to put some Luster's Pink Oil moisturizer in it. Just a dab though. And if he does that, he has to wash his face thoroughly every day. You should wash your face thoroughly every day in general… but… you know what i mean.
          My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

        7. lololololol so many pauses!
          His beard is longer I suppose, definitely not stubble. It's hard to say if it's long because his hair is so curly that instead of hanging, it just gets coilier and coilier. Pause pause pause! I was thinking about having him put something in it like argan oil but I wasn't sure if that would make his hair bump problem worse. So confusing! I'll suggest the Pink's though especially since it's cheaper. If he tries it is another story.
          It actually hurts to kiss him. *G tear*

        8. LOL @ Luster's Pink Oil moisturizer!

          I used to keep the big super pump bottle of this stuff!

          The good old permed hair days, LOL…

  15. I really enjoyed this post Sprads. I read it at like 2:30 a.m. because I woke up to use the lavatory, but on the real…I'd have to say that I could never date a male model — no patience for someone who spends more time in the mirror than I do.

    Can't deal with thugs — can't deal with uneducated, ignorant or classeless men.
    Can't deal with male poets…well I can but don't quit your day job

    I think that there's a long list of things that I couldn't or wouldn't put up with, I could go on and on but that would just be bashing.

  16. Man. Your number 5? I said this last week somewhere else online:

    "I am pro interracial dating. I believe you should find love wherever it finds you and that life is too short to limit yourself. However. Ahem. That don’t work for me. Never has. Probably never will, but I’m trying to open up. Still, I am solely, unwaveringly, unapologetically, attracted to black men."

    So, yeah.

    As for me, the weed man (this is not the same as super thug) is already my norm *shrug* but I'm trying to move on, lol.

    I think I'd love to date a super intellectual type… I had one as FWB before and it was really, really amazing to always be engaged in some super conversation, especially post sex… however… I think if I had to deal with it daily, I'd be irritated and over it very quickly.
    My recent post I Reminisce(d)

  17. Hmm, I've been there with a few on this list (Crazy chicks excite me). To add:

    Strippers/Pr(H)oes – known quite a few, not all have daddy issues and some are pretty bright. My momma wouldn't let this happen

    Religous Nuts – I love God too, but I don't need to chill in his house 7days/week.

    Daddy's lil girl/Spoiled – This will drive you crazy. You are held to an impossible standard.

    Non- Divine 9 sorority chicks – Self explanatory. Especially if there in those co-ed joints…miss me on that

    Upper Middle Class/Jack and Jill type women – I can't relate, world views are entirely different.
    slightly intimidating

    Asians – I'm going to want to order 4 chicken wings/french fries every time I see you. Add mambo sauce

      1. Ummm, all Alphas love OPB's, thats in yall bylaws! *scurries away* LOL! (They actually were great at our school though lol)

      2. Mr. Spradley what about the chick that is the "homegirl" or "homey" type chick ie me….*smile*
        She's cool as a fan, you can laugh and joke with her, you can talk to her about any and everything (including ex's), she never judges you, she accepts you just as you are, she understands and accepts most of the things that many other women don't that make you a man, she can hang with you and your boys and have a good time and all your homeys actually like her and like hangin with her.
        What about those types? I was told by a girlfriend of mine that most men will never marry a woman who is too much like a homey no matter how fine she is. They actually want women who act more like the "wifey" types and are everything the "homegirl" is not.

    1. "Asians – I'm going to want to order 4 chicken wings/french fries every time I see you. Add mambo sauce "

      LMAO!!! We would go up in the Chinese store (back when 4 chicken wings used to be $1) "Let me get 4 chicken wings fried hard…ketchup and hot sauce!" Man, oh man. It would be like 5 of us sharing for chicken wings, lol

  18. Agree with all 5 for the most part, even though i wouldnt mind the homemaker what you described is a hermit…shorty cant have friends a yoga class or anything?

    Honorable Mentions:

    1. The single mother- I’m not tryna share the spotlight with ya seed and if i come before your kid then you clearly too mindfukced to be with so its easier if i avoid them all together.

    2. The “cool” girlfriend- As much as u hate the girl who always checkin up on you, i wouldnt have it any other way. A girl who Kanye shrugs at me comin in at 3am without even a text must be doin worse.

    3. The Trophy Wife- Just like any accessory, you want it when you go out but u dont want it everyday. And i dont need ninjas tryna holla at her on some I’m Just Saying…you can do better steez

    1. That #2 – is the truth. Some men have tricked the ladies into playing "cool" all the dang time – then the women are confused and befuddled when the guy ends up with the woman who is just the opposite of what he said he liked so much in the cool girl.

  19. Excellent post! In my short dating life I've only found one type of man that I adore but could never be with: The Artist. He could a celebrity across the East Coast or the campus celeb that performs at every event (I've dated both). He could be a poet, musician, rapper, beat-boxer, dancer…it really doesn't matter. Any type of performance artist is a no-go for me because I need to be the artist in the relationship lol. I learned the hard way that a lot of times, one person gets to be the artist, and the other is the muse – I can't be the muse. I haven't tried with visual artists yet (photographers, painters, etc), I was too scarred from my previous experiences lol but I might be willing to give them a try. I would probably go into that relationship a little jaded though.
    My recent post 11.1.11 #AMBITION

    Been a Wale fan since Attention Deficit -…

  20. *thumbs up*

    Men I could never date:

    Musician/Singer: I actually wrote a post about this. Wanna hear it? Here it go… But seriously, I love music too much to be wrapped up with a singer. All of my good sense would go out that window because I would be in a constant state of awe and admiration at the beauty he creates. Ya girl would just be know good.

    Thug Passion: The thug is strictly for fun. I could never take him seriously. At this point in my life I can't take him at all. Not knowing if he's gonna get knocked when he leaves the house. Or if he's finally gonna get caught because he's on the run. Too much stress. Plus, I'm not trying to get in any legal trouble dealing w/ the guy. Nope. No way. Lala ain't built for prison as I'm sure this dude would expect me to be ride or die.

    Mama's boy: Women love a man who respects and loves his mother, but I'm talking about OD mama's boy Oedipus complex. Get that out of here. Def not trying to have a relationship w/ dude and his mama.

    1. Musician/Singers aren't bad at all. But, they are VERY busy. So you better enjoy sitting around at the gigs/rehearsals/studio, lol…you'll be there a while. Or, if you've got some sangin chops (where my Alto's at?!), grab a mic and join in! 🙂

  21. Pondering an appropriate response in the early AM. One that’s provocative but avoids tomatoes. Be are be.

    1. It's very hard for me to respond to this post with an honest answer. I can't really fault anything on this list because i've dated each on this list. I could probably date an activist, but not a feminist, that's where I draw the line. I think a lot of this comes down to managing expectations and having outlets. I've dated women who weren't much brighter than the backside of the moon, but I have a great core of friends whom I can have those conversations with and I get that fix when I need it.

      Activist – Did it.
      Party all the Time – Can I really make a case for not dating a girl like this? Do people even logically know me?
      Lights Please – Some people would argue that you want to have someone who can connect with you intellectually… when you don't think that's ever really possible, does it still remain a dealbreaker? I don't think so.
      Homemaker – I have no problem with this. She has to have some hobbies though. People got Sunday cars and people got trophy wives. It's all good, depends on your expectations.
      White Girl – I've been here before, a few times actually. My most mature response? I think dating white women gets a bad shake. Although, the instrumental from Kanye West's Power plays anytime I think about the last white woman I dated, I will say that sometimes it takes the objectivity of a person who is not in your race to make you feel like you need to make a change. Black men have a tendency to take Black women giving them advice or holding them accountable as "nagging" or "male bashing." Outside of my race, I've found that I didn't have that excuse to fall back on, so it was easier to hear the feedback and really make those changes in my life. There are so many issues in the Black community that need repair, I think that for me, it was a white girl who told me, "I just don't think Black people see marriage as a sign of maturity, I think you guys think of it as an option, which is flawed logic." At first, I was upset, but after that, I started to see how she was right and how marriage can be a sign of maturity, or at least a good determining factor. Had a Black girl said that same exact thing to me, I might have filed it under, "Here we go with the bashing again…" I'll stop here, I can go on for a long time about but i've been heavily published on the internet for my opinions on Interracial dating. On BOTH sides too, so don't get it twisted.

      Oh and the other types of chicks a lot of you added, I have dated and could let it rock. I think strippers get a bad rap, and celebrity chicks too. I think a lot of those two things come down to security and trust. Hey that's not a bad thing when it comes to matters of the heart. You require Security and Trust when dealing with finances you should do the same with your heart. But I just think, 1) Strippers are people too. You'd be surprised if you started learning some of their real first names. And 2) Celebrity chicks is all about how they dial out of the Matrix. Some of the ones I've interacted with/dated have been so down to Earth like Sprads mentioned with Bey. (Bey ain't down to earth though… we can talk offline about that.) But … and this is my time to go…

      Bumped in Kerry Washington one day walking her dog in NYC. We spoke for a few and then I noted she was mad cool. I said to her, "I bet guys ask you out all the time." Her response, "No they rarely do, I don't get approached by guys "all the time", like I don't want to grab coffee and meet a new guy." In that conversation I had with her I realized something… Kerry is not Nikki or Fatima.

      Now Nia Long is bat sh*t, just trust me on dat.

      1. "There are so many issues in the Black community that need repair, I think that for me, it was a white girl who told me, "I just don't think Black people see marriage as a sign of maturity, I think you guys think of it as an option, which is flawed logic." At first, I was upset, but after that, I started to see how she was right and how marriage can be a sign of maturity, or at least a good determining factor."

        So all I need to do is recruit my white girlfriends to tell yall this and it will finally click?!?!?! *grabs phone* I kid! LoL…kinda.

        Good perspective on the topic at hand though.

        1. No that won't work. I said, it helps when someone is objective. Black women are able to do this too, not saying that white women are the only way to get this done. Here's the thing though, stop "?!?!?!?!??!?!?" and more Black men wouldn't assume you was "bashing" or "nagging."

        2. Yikes. I wasn't trying to bash you, it really was more of a joke…do I really have a rep as a male basher? I try not to come off that way 🙁 Falling back…

      2. "Lights Please – Some people would argue that you want to have someone who can connect with you intellectually… when you don't think that's ever really possible, does it still remain a dealbreaker? I don't think so."

        Dang Doc. Just dang.

  22. The only exceptions for me are: I could date a Homemaker and I could date a White Girl. For one, if my wife wants to be a homemaker or work from home, I'd be fine with that. I dont think just because a woman wants to live at home, she doesnt have ambition. Maybe she just wants to focus on being a mother. Who knows her true motivations? That's a discussion we would have to have. As long as she lives within the bounds of the income I bring home and is fine with that, then so am I.

    With the white girl, I actually dont discriminate based on race. I'll date any race of woman I'm attracted to with black women taking priority but with all other women not being excluded. My dating habits tend to reflect the indegenous population. When I was in Texas I dated more black/hispanic women. Now I'm in CO, I date less black women because there are less black women to choose from. (1/2)
    My recent post Men Already Know How to Act Right

    1. (2/2) I cant think of any other women I would specifically add to the list. I'm pretty liberal minded and tend to judge women based on what they offer me in the present, not on what offenses they committed in the past. I would think I would be able to date any one of these women as long as they understood we are two different people and she does not try to change me and accepts me for me and I will do the same for her.
      My recent post Bloggers Burden

      1. "As long as she lives within the bounds of the income I bring home and is fine with that, then so am I."

        I think this is key. Plus, homemaker doesn't = lack of ambition… and I think some of our kids would be better off if we could stay home with them a little longer.
        My recent post I Reminisce(d)

    2. My younger sister is in Denver, and she say the same thing about the lack of black men. Except, she say the ones there all seem to be with "other" rather tahn black women. Go figure. I told her to just keep her head up, keep her eyes open, and start hanging out in the white bars/clubs. lol.
      My recent post My Love Is Like…

      1. To be honest, there arent a lot of black bars even out here unless you want to go to the "hood" spots. The only "nice" places are…well, non-existent. It's not like they have a large audience to cator to though so I can understand. Plus, I dont even go out like that anymore. I think the black population here is like 11% TOTAL. Obviously, the dating population is even smaller than that. I'm not making an excuse for the black men because I dont know their justifications, I'm just saying it's not like we live in Atlanta.

    3. “I dont think just because a woman wants to live at home, she doesnt have ambition. Maybe she just wants to focus on being a mother.” – How insightful you are! I’ve always worked and enjoyed doing so. However, during my divorce I needed to take some time off from my employer of eight years. Management understood and supported my position, encouraging me to take the time I needed and return when ready. However, due to budget cuts, my time at home was longer than expected. I became resourceful and creative finding ways to pay the bills and had more time to spend with my children. I was able to devote more time to them. We ate better meals, home was much more organized and ran smoothly. Quality time and socialization became ample, homework was not rushed and thus more productive and enjoyable. My family greatly benefitted.

      Prior to this, we were home daily at 6:30pm. Prepared and ate dinner, completed homework, and bathed by 8:30 bedtime. Phew. Up by 6:00am (me 5:30) to be at school by 7:00am.

      “As long as she lives within the bounds of the income I bring home and is fine with that, then so am I.” – This is key. Sacrifice is good. It builds character. Besides, when you cut out many of the material things you buy regularly, you discover how to better care for your needs.

  23. i'm with you on the white girls and the party girl. for the reasons listed.

    i'd also add that i couldn't deal with an extreme feminist. men are not the cause to all your problems and all men you meet don't have to be sh*t. chances are if every man you meet ain't about about sh*t then you need to reevaluate yourself.

    the tomboy. i used to want to date the down to earth tomboy who was really cute and played sports. the older i've gotten i've realized i prefer women who are more dainty and prissy. i like girly girls. not saying that there's anything wrong with tomboys but i'd rather my woman discuss glee than arguing me down why a 3-4 base defense is better than a 4-3.
    My recent post Cole World/Charity Starts at Home

    1. We cant debate sports?! *sigh* I had such high hopes for us too smh…LOL (on the low though, Glee is the best too!)

  24. Nice post Mr. Spradley. Mina said she has some of each of the 5 listed I call bullsh!t and that made me think, it really is all about balance. Lol can't say I got that 5 though. But anywho, can't think of a lot of men I can't be with but

    Celebrity? No go. For reasons that have been mentioned.
    Thug? Hell no. I even did a post about thugs and the good women who love them. I can't be one of those again.
    Religious nut that's judgmental? Self explanatory. God's my Homeboy too but he hasn't seen me on Sunday in a while but we still find time to communicate.
    Family-at-the-hip man. If you're always going to pick them over me, there may be future issues…

    Of course, there could be more. But I'm in bed and can't think now. I'll just like comments to reflect my cosignage.
    My recent post Black Women Are Losing? A Theory Explained

  25. Long Time Reader, First Time Poster…This Post Had Me Crackin’ Up!

    My List

    1. The Uppity Negro- The black man who has ascended so high on the corporate/academic ladder that he has lost himself in the process…Completely disconnected from all things of color, this Clarence Thomas look-alike cringes at being called “Black” and all aspects of life that remind him of his cultural history. He can be found frequenting bars with Susie and Bob in khakis and a blue button down regularly. His ambition turns you on, his willful ignorance makes you sick.

    2. The “Toys R’ Us Kid”-For some reason, this boy has failed at developing into a man. Although he cracks you up and provides a good time, he hides from responsibility, has a bundle of excuses, and always hits you with the “I’m working on it,” as he asks you for yet another favor while glued to the latest XBOX game.

    3. The White Man- Now this remains up in the air but I’ve had my encounters with “Something New” and while it was nice, I think my heart prefers the familiarity of a Black man who shares/understands my historical background, upbringing, food, music, and all the other aspects unique to us as a people…Not knockin’ those who make the compromise, it just isn’t for me.

    4. The Pushover- He is Just Sooooo Sweet…Says all the nice things, opens doors, calls/texts, and…gets on your nerves. You just want him to do one thing out of character so ya’ll can fight, have the type of make-up sex that makes you cook him breakfast, and call it even.

    5. The Aspiring Rapper…That’s all Imma’ say about that.

    Honorable Mentions:

    The Frat Boy (I’m a Delta and yeah…No)

    The Athlete

    The Momma’s Boy

    1. Thanks for delurking… and way to come out the gate with an awesome comment. If you're going to de-lurk this is how you do it. But yo, let me take your coat, get comfortable and stick around for a while.

      I take exception to the frat boy though. Nothing wrong with us. Especially those of us made in the North East. The good thing about frat guys from northern, urban cities is that you get the best of all worlds. We usually come from hood, or hood-ish backgrounds, but clearly we're pretty smart because we go to college and joint these historic organizations. And then, that interaction puts us around some pretty successful, boughie folks so we get a little bit of that swag. So what you end up with is a dude whose Jordan collection is as dope as his hard bottom collection. A guy who quotes Only Built for Cuban Linx and Sartre – seamlessly. How could you go wrong?
      My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

      1. "Especially those of us made in the North East"

        here you go….

        I'm a Delta that has dated guys in frats because we tend to have a lot in common. Especially those that went to HBCUs but I don't discriminate. I do see the reasons why it can also be a turn off. I don't like to date "new greeks" I'm sooooo not into neo fever and supergreeks.
        My recent post I Give Her That Insomnia…

      2. "So what you end up with is a dude whose Jordan collection is as dope as his hard bottom collection. A guy who quotes Only Built for Cuban Linx and Sartre – seamlessly. How could you go wrong?"

        You can't…. well maybe he could have half as many hard bottoms as Js, but that's neither here nor there… But where the hell are these mofos? lol

        My recent post I Reminisce(d)

    2. I agree about the uppity Negro! They make me sick!

      1. Mr. Perfect: Fits in everywhere, well educated, traveled to over 25 countries, dated every race, runs marathons twice a year, organizes sit-ins, blah, blah, blah…. This guy looks GREAT on paper until you date him…..he's always busy, on his phone making plans or people are calling him, etc. He needs to be needed at all times by everyone…….

      In addition, these guys get bored QUICKLY…..they are always looking for the next 'thing' or 'person' to cross off of their to-do-list. I"m a practical, "nice, calm evening type of gal." I need to know when the dopamine wears off (and it will) that my dude will still be loyal and down for me. And that we can just sit and enjoy each others company. The little, simple things make me happy. Maybe its because I'm from a small town.

      1. I dont know… This guy sounds like the cure for my ADD. But then again I require a lot of attention so maybe not.

    3. i'll tell you what I am planning to tell my daughter to never date a Frat guy or athlete in college. Not b/c they are bad duds, but they have groupies, hell even the lame cats have groupies and a man can only turn down so much a$$. i'm just being real. Everything on this list in on point, but there are plenty of people who like those triats.

  26. This is a cool post.

    My DealBreakers are some listed but I have some extra:

    Strippers – I don't think I could date a stripper who's strippin now. I would just have all types of questions and concerns, and since women abbreviate their sexual pasts, I would always believe I was about to git got! Former ones either… I don't know. We all have pasts but I never want to bring any women around my people and have them do the triple take like "I've seen her before"

    Princesses – Had a couple of these before and it's the worst. Its ok to think you're entitled the world as a youth, but sooner or later you have to face reality and learn to compromise. Spoiled nature type stuff has no country here!

    All looks no brains – Unintelligent or flighty women need not apply. If I can have better conversation with a pile of bricks than you, you would be reserved as strictly recreational.
    My recent post [VIDEO] Jay-Z (@s_c_ )interview – what’s the point of living average?

    1. Good add with the "Princesses." I think "High Maintenance" chicks falls into this category but I could be wrong, if I am, I want to add them to the list – and I mean financially AND emotionally high maintenance. Just needy all around. I'm too laid back for that kind of life even though I have dated a number of needy/name brand-y type chicks. For one, I dont like the drama and for two, I can find better ways to spend my money. Much better. I like nice things but I'm not even really a name brand type of dude. And, as I've said before, if I have to choose between paying down a college loan (and being debt free, ASAP) and buying you the latest pair of name brand pumps, well……….
      My recent post Men Already Know How to Act Right

    2. Dudes don't wanna admit it, but sometimes when you date an ex stripper, you date an ex hooker. Mad strippers be halfway hookin.

      1. "Mad strippers be halfway hookin"

        You could say the same about women in general. Although it may seem different than outright hookin there are women that sleep with a guy for a meal. IMO… At least the hookin stripper demands a living wage.

        1. Kema, FTW!

          I guess everyone didnt read that HuffingtonPost article on college students and "arrangements"?

          GOOGLE IT!

        2. ?????

          giving it up filthy?

          So are you suggesting sluts are lower than whores?
          The intention behind giving up the goods is crucial here in judging a jawns standing.

    3. Haitans get the co-sign.
      My list begins and ends with Brains, pause. If she can't think, I can't date her. Everything else is just another form of being dumb.

      Too Religious, Princess, feminist. Its all about what is between the ears.

  27. Lovely post!
    Its kinda obvious that a white guy would be my ideal partner. I hear this all the time and no one believes that I date black men…but I could never have a serious relationship with a white guy. I guess thats the only one on my list.

  28. I don't see how dating a white woman ties at all into you valuing your Blackness. You can love being Black and being around Black people and date someone that's not Black.

    I've dated women that aren't Black, and the same rules have applied to them that have applied to Black women: you have to be able to roll with who I am, without compromise.
    My recent post New Tech: Windows 8 vs iPad 2

  29. I like every part except #3, Hell That is a must on my list lol, if she lacks personality then it will just be a sexual relationship, that's all. But the rest of the list is on point, But I would like for who i marry to have trait 2-4. As for the white women, I have absolutely no problems with interacial dating, it's just a physical preference I have for not only Black women, but chocolate sistas

  30. Good post… and the comments made it better.

    I have dated the thug… and it was fun, good/interesting times, until I'm asked why we broke up and I have to go through the story of him threatening me with a knife and me hitting him with a skillet… a good laugh, but not a great representation of my dating history lol.

    I couldn't date:
    An Emo dude: I really like that your in touch with your emotions, but I also want to see a little roughness, a brawny demeanor that speaks to your protective nature. In essence, I don't want to feel like the strong one. Besides, their pants are always WAY TOO TIGHT!

    The comedian: I really like Kevin Hart, Kat Williams, Chris Rock, but I don't like that our life together is used as fuel for your jokes. Whether you're talking about your wife and kids, your baby mama, your side chick, I wouldn't want to be the fodder for your punch line.

    The hippie: maybe because I come from hippie parents that sit and contemplate the constellations while living their life in a communist compound… Yea, it's just not for me. I like the down-to-earth, relaxed nature of a hippie, but I couldn't live with one.
    My recent post Fool for you

      1. Really Star? I would've thought a comedian would be right up your alley. You're so funny yourself, I'd think you'd attract a funny dude too. I'd imagine ya'll being in stitches all the time.
        I think I would like a comedian though. I hardly ever say anything seriously myself and I'm always clowning my hubby so I guess I just wouldn't mind it.

        1. Thank you Krys 🙂

          I do love dating a funny dude, it's a must for real, but when he took those lil loving jokes and jabs with a lil truth in them and clowned me on national tour and exaggerate it for comedic effect, I'd prolly get in my feelings. I might make him let me warm up for him and jone his @ss for all to see 😉 JK, I wouldn't do that, but I really probably would get in my feelings if this were about me –> http://bit.ly/nzv9Nw

          Be at home waiting, just steaming, "Saddown Funny Man! You about to listen listen about now!"

          It's funny til it's about you and he's talking about shootin you first in the revolution… /:-|

        2. That's a funny clip! lol lol
          See I would find myself purposely giving him material!

  31. Don't nobody care about what kind of guys you women dated or are into. You should say "I've been G'd by these types of men:" then after that click "Select All."

  32. Really star? REALLY? I go shopping maybe twice a year: winter and summer.

    There are a number of women who can LIVE in the mall and beyond, which is fine if they're paying for it. Knock yourself out. It's when you come to me looking for the debit/credit card that we're going to have an issue. If a you all are dating men that shop more than you, there might be a whole other set of issues you'll have to address down the road.
    My recent post Men Already Know How to Act Right

      1. It's cool.

        I actually think that's a discussion that is rarely had and I'm not sure (most, if any) women can really relate to that level. If a man dates a high maintenance woman – granted it's a self imposed issue, e.g. it's his burden to blame for choosing to date her – and she expects him to pay for everything like most women do, that will add up QUICK. Especially if he isnt a "baller" and he is just the average dude trying to make his woman happy.

        I think a lot of women get left for the simple reason that a man realizes he cant afford her and they're left wondering why. Most women cant relate because there arent the same number of relationships where a woman is providing for a man like that (paying for everything. Like, how many stay-at-home-dads do you know?). (1/2)
        My recent post Comment on Men Already Know How to Act Right by NaijaSweetz

  33. Nice write up Mr. Spradley!!


    Hmmmm let me see… Dudes I don't THINK I could ever be with, cuz you know what they say – Don't knock it until you've Tried it and since my Lil Black Book is really an 3×5 Index Card, I like to keep an open mind about certain things.

    Male Stripper – 1st of all I stlll think a good 80% of them are gay or switch hittin. Nope. I Don't THINK I Can do it but hey you never know he could just be The One that's 100% straight and he totally gets who I am.

    "I stand on couches" (Party) dude – Eh, I was married to one for years WE DID IT together on the regular, but there needs to be a "Day Off" some downtime because it definitely does get tiresome after awhile; even the Lord rested on the 7th day #Geesh

    1. (2/2)

      But This:

      HouseHusbands/He-HomeMakers – Really Dude?!! No. Negative!!! If anybody is gonna be sitting home with the kiddies, etc. it's going to be ME. You Tarzan, I Jane Sowwryyy. Take dat azz to work!!!

      That's about it for my list really.

      Celebrities, ex pro ballers/nfl players I could get with that, I just have to make sure I put an iron clad infidelity clause in my pre-nup #ProblemSolved

      1. Example of how women set themselves up to be lied to. If you're going to date a pro-athlete, you might do better to just create a situation where "Don't ask, don't tell" is the order of business.

        1. How does that benefit me though? "Don't ask, don't tell"

          I'm just saying– yes I would hope and like to think he could stay faithful but at the same time momma didn't raise no fool, I know groupies, ho*s, horny PA's come with the territory so why wouldn't I want to make sure I'm covered on the back end?

  34. Great list. For me I couldn’t date the

    Athlete- I’m very attracted, and I admire his physical attributes but I can’t deal with the whoreism

    Baby Daddy- I commend him for being in his child’s life, but I really don’t want to deal with a dude with a kid or kids. I’m too young for that ish

    The Musician- they all think they are gonna “blow up” and forever “in the studio” where they could be using that time to learn a trade or get a degree but that’s their dream…. it’s not for me

    Definitely the Activist/I Want to Change the World/- i’m too superficial and materialistic for him

  35. The Big Beautiful Badonkadonk Applebottom Woman. She looks great in those jeans and walking down the street, but once it's loose and jiggly….eh no. And most of them are five pounds away from being just another Size 16 fat chick.

  36. Great post and FUNNY comments!

    I'd only add:

    The CRY Baby: I don't even cry in church EVERY WEEK! And your tolerance for pain CAN'T be THAT low. Every time I turn around, you're puddlin up about something. The movie wasn't that sad and the arguement wasn't that serious. I don't wanna have to carry a pack of Kleenox in my purse when we go out. MAN UP!

    and…another form of crying…

    The Complainer: I mean…do you EVER have a good day? Is anything positive happening in your life? Will the sun ever shine in your world? What's your deal?! If you don't like your life, change it. Other than that, I don't want to hear this complaining crap all the time. GOHWT….

    Point blank, I can't do whining, crying, complaining men. It would just mess up my pleasant, carefree flow, lol…

  37. My list:

    #1 Mr. Pro Athlete/Musician/Actor/Politician

    #2 Mr. Oreo

    #3 Mr. Loves to Kick It … SIX nights a week

    #4 Mr. I can't use a condom so I have 4 kids and 3 baby mamas

    #5 Thug/Ex-Con

    # 6 Mr. Emo …

    #7 Mr. Exceptionally Handsome

  38. Great post which really had me laughing and put a lot of interesting things in perspective about the types of deal breakers…With that being said here's my short list.

    1) Ms.Oreo : Extremely "White washed" Black woman who is completely detached from everything associated with black culture. I Can't roll with that shit whatsoever, this is also the black woman who faults every black mans shortcomings.
    2) The Single Mother for the simple fact to deal with the unnecessary baby daddy drama and the bullshit that comes with it or the emotional baggage that they usually bring with them so i avoid that shit all together.
    3) The Feminist : The woman who extremely blames the man for all of societies ills and who lives in a fantasy world treating a man in a way that she wouldn't want to be treated. Definition of a deal breaker right there in my opinion.

  39. 1) The White guy that loves to give oral sex! Always , anywhere , any time and is great! The thought just makes me smile and ……. In reality, I would be some sort of exotic experieince. Not!

  40. I love to fantasize about all sorts of things so this hit home!

    1) The Mafia Boss!!
    Not the drug dealer, but the head honcho- Al Capone or Don Corleone themselves. Im an extremist, if i want to date the bad guy, i want the baddest guy ever! I think of myself as a fairly ride or die girl having dated a few mini thugs in my day and as an attorney i could do all the work and find ways to keep my man on the streets.. but i cant deal with the crime, the constant hoodlums in the house and i cant keep a secret so i wouldnt be able to stop myself from bragging to my friends if he shot someone famous!!

    2) The Academic/ Intellectual..
    I enjoy a mental challenge and intellectual conversation on a regular basis. I have a genuine interest in knowledge and a smart man who is well versed in many disciplines is so hard to resist..
    but once in a while i like to watch Jackass, South Park and scream NO at birds with my 2 year old nephew!!

    3) Lil Wayne..
    I dont wanna date a celebrity, or a rapper- i want Weezy only! I would wear my hair down my back like his! Change my teeth and officially be Mrs Carter- right now i go by it but no1 respects it 🙁 .. We would skate board, swear and smoke weed n sip sizurrp, sag our pants and id lend him more skin to tat! Id attend all BET awards and sit with TI’s wife throwing up gang signs at the camera.. In the real world where my granparents are pastors, this wouldnt happen because he will get old and saggy tatted skin with a permanent grill wouldnt be something i wanna see everyday, plus im too young to be a step mom!

    4) The Pastor/ Preacher
    Going to heaven is right at the top of my priorities! I love me some Jesus and i aint afraid or ashamed to say it. I know we all have access to God but i feel like a pastor sees and hears things we all may not be open to, they have this spiritual alertness that can either lead people to salvation or demise, plus i like to receive prayers!
    I cant deal with the duties of being a pastors wife! You have to be kind, nurturing, warm, no cussing, have a steady supply of baked goods and hold small children alot. above all i like Weezy.. i think thats a point on its own

    5) The Dictator

    I think from my list one can see, i like men that have strong leadership qualities, i have a big personality and an even bigger mouth so i am not for the indecisive and i am very clever so manipulation comes as a sort of second nature..A man must stick to his guns or i will run you!

    I wont even go into the benefits of being a presidents wife.. but a dictators wife the benefits are well.. larger than life and unfortunately i mean this literally. Thousands of people die, are chased from their homes and much worse in order for one to live the life of luxury.
    In university i was on the Student Representative Counsel where most people get voted onto by their peers and spend their tenure hiding in their offices and exploiting university (students) funds for personal gain.. i could not take the whole ivory tower thing so i came down to the students often and really tried to tackle issues as much as i could, as well as share the “fortune” with the masses.

  41. I am a homemaker. Well…technically. I am also a single mother, but I cook, clean and take care of my children for a living. I used to be very career driven, and actually had my dream job for a little under a year until I found out I was pregnant. Later, after my children were born I tried to restructure that career and tailor it to “single mom” as well but one of the things I consistently noticed was I was totally missing out on important life milestones for my children and paying more for childcare than I would spend just being a stay at home mom. Anyway, I say all that to say, don’t count the more modern homemaker out. I go out, am involved in several parenting and non parenting groups, have a vibrant social circle consisting of various types of women and am very driven and invested in making my “job” (my children and home) a successful one. I see at least 15-35 people in my daily routine and often am not even home when a partner would typically be arriving. And, even though I usually am not there between 5 & 6, I still have time to prepare dinner and have it and a clean house waiting for whoever should arrive.

  42. Loved this post. While we’re sharing, my list would have to include:

    1. The Broken-Winged Bird: Women are often care-takers by nature. I would sometimes imagine changing a man’s crappy perception of women, which was carefully created as a result of his careless mother and his sucky choice of ex-girlfriends, and making him into some amazing man that will love me forever. Experience has taught me that it is WAY harder than it seems. These guys have either became entirely too clingy, or I ended up wasting my time. As hard as I tried, they could not dismiss the tragic failure of some of their first female connections.

    2. The Openly Emotional Guy: It’s a beautiful thing for a man to be able to express himself. I admire men who write that they love their girlfriends on facebook a million times an hour and constantly post updates about the sparkle in their honey’s eyes, but honestly, it’s a tad excessive for me. A man, and a woman for that matter, must always have some element of control over their emotions, even if their partner says they want them to be completely open. What sucks even more is that in the end, I end up looking like the jerk and he ends up looking like the saint because everyone assumes they would be lucky to have a guy like him.

    3. The Smooth Operator: He says all the right things, knows all the places to take you, and promises you the world. Sounds like the perfect guy… for any girl. He’s so worried about being smooth, trying to be the ideal guy, he’s not revealing enough of his true self. At first it’s nice, but after awhile the relationship will seem to lack authenticity. I rather have someone who is secure enough in themselves to let go sometimes, be a little goofy, and not so perfect.

  43. "Much of my world-view is shaped by the fact that I identify myself as a black man."
    Dating somebody from a different race does not mean the you identify less with yourself.
    Why you decide to do so might. For example if you can't attract an black woman. What i read from this is that you would like to be identified you as a "black man" and that to be seen as a black man has value to you, which is fine. To me it sounds like you are afraid of what others think about you and make decisions based on fear of outside perception.

    Hot Women, Black or White don't like scary dudes.

    Personally I Define myself as a Man. I go after the top of the food chain …period ALL RACES have women that are on the top of the chain. Black, White, Asian, Croatian, etc etc.

    You also say in "theory" which sounds like you have never dated a white girl. So how do you really know? Date a few an then come back with some data. Personalty i have. ALL RACES HAVE BUM CHICKS NOBODY WANTS. While white girls might not have the same issues as sisters, They got other issues. For example that angry "sista" that is yelling and neck rollin might cuss you out etc…She would probably take a bullet for her man. in contrast the non confrontational white girl might not be around long after you lose your job. point is no race has produced perfect person. What it comes down to is who is perfect for you.

    I to love being black. But I love being around smart, creative, openminded, adventurous people from all walks of life. Not just Black people.There are some dumb Ninjas that i'm cool not knowing.

    In america we make up about 12.6% of the population. So is that your your world view? Don't get me wrong I love my people and I know who I am, and how at times i am perceived by others, but your comment is one i hear a lot of people say that really are just afraid to be judged by their peers. Stand on your own and step ya game up brah.

  44. "I probably could never be with a black person who didn’t appreciate their blackness the same way I do. I just love being black and I love being around black people."

    I love this line. I completely agree and have been wondering how to put this in words for people to understand. This post has also reminded me that I'm not as militant as I think I am. Overall, great article, appreciate the fact that there are men out there that think like this, cuz it doesn't seem very apparent in California.

  45. I’m no longer positive the place you are getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend a while finding out much more or understanding more. Thank you for magnificent info I used to be on the lookout for this info for my mission.


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