As men, one of the things we like to spend our time doing is categorizing. We put everything into categories from our sports, to our music to our women. I’ve gotten to know my fair share of women in my life, so in today’s post I want to discuss 5 archetypical women I’ve known and adored, but with whom I could never build a successful long term relationship.
5. The Activist
Back in my more militant days, I used to daydream about what it would be like to date a woman who shared my desire to overthrow the powers that be and create a country where equality of opportunity wasn’t just a goal, but a fundamental characteristic. In my daydreams, we’d sit around discussing the politics of the day, analyzing where the president was failing and what we needed to do to get him on track. We’d lay in the bed, our brown skin intertwining into infinity as incense burned and Little Brother plays. When injustice, like this Troy Davis execution occurred, we wouldn’t be protesting on twitter, we’d be in Atlanta chaining ourselves to a fence somewhere. But then I remember how in reality, I’m probably not as militant as I think I am. I like nice things, things only afforded in capitalist societies. Capitalism is so not revolutionary. I think about how little of my time is spent actually doing activist type stuff, and how much of my time is spent pursuing my own personal, selfish interests. The truth is, if I dated someone who was seriously ’bout that activist life, we probably wouldn’t get along so well. To her, I’d be a sell-out.
4. Got Damn She’s Fine But She Party All The Time
Another woman I’m fond of in fantasy is the super high maintenance, perpetually glammed out party girl. She’s the “it” girl. The girl who’s at all the parties, always on the scene and always looking absolutely fabulous. What I love about this type of woman is that in my mind, she’s always on. Never a dull moment. We can go to all the openings of the all the best new clubs, restaurants and lounges. We hit the city like J and B with “All of The Lights” playing as we enter all the dopest spots. In reality, I’m totality incompatible with the chick who’s always on the scene. Firstly, I’m not a dude who likes to always be out and about. I like parties, but I also like ordering in and reacquainting myself with a Spike Lee joint I haven’t watched in a bit. Next, I’m doing aiight, but I’m not at Zuckerberg status just yet … popping bottles and being at all the best spots costs bread … bread that at this point could be used elsewhere.
3. Lights Please
“She Said it’s o.k. rubbed my head and told me to relax, laid a n*gga down proper like she was recording tracks, said I know you wanna change the world but for the night please, just reach over and hit the lights please.”
Wise words from a decent man – the homey J. Cole. This song inspired this post. In this joint, Coley Cole writes my life as he discusses a relationship with a woman who, as it relates to her dealings with him, has no interest in anything besides sex. The idea of a woman who’s only interested in boning is so awesome in fantasy, but in reality there’s no way to really make that work for the long haul. I might not be Malcolm X, but I’m also not completely disinterested in what’s going on in the world outside my window. I be havin’ deep thoughts and ish. Sometimes I need to let those go and if every time I want to discuss something of substance my woman is telling me to turn out the lights – we’re not going to work.
2. The Homemaker
The idea of having a woman whose only goal in life is to make my home situation as comfortable as possible seems amazing. I picture myself coming home to the smell of almost ready food in the kitchen, ESPN on the T.V. and a freshly made Old Fashioned on the coffee table. I kick off my shoes(without ever planning to put them away), as my woman massages my shoulders. In truth, I couldn’t be with a home maker for a number of reasons. First, I don’t want to be the only human contact my woman has 5 out of the 7 days in a typical week. When you’re the only person they get to talk it’s almost impossible for them to not go crazy telling you all about every moment of their day. You’re responsible for the bulk of their mental stimulation, so they’re going to tell you about every episode of SVU they watched, every news item that piqued their interest, and every other single thought they had throughout the course of the day. In addition to that, I like my woman to have personal ambition. I like her to have career goals of her own, material and non-material desires of her own, and most importantly close friends and acquaintances of her own. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with homemakers – I just don’t think I could ever be with one.
1. The White Girl
I’m not against interracial relationships. I think that if two people find a way to make each other happy they should pursue that happiness for as long as they possibly can. In theory, it seems like it’d be awesome for me to be with a white woman. Much of my world-view is shaped by the fact that I identify myself as a black man. Being with someone of a different race, in theory would provide endless of amounts of interesting conversation, banter and access to a perspective I don’t often get a chance to experience personally. In truth though, I could never be with a white person. I value my blackness too much. Not only could I never be with a white person, I probably could never be with a black person who didn’t appreciate their blackness the same way I do. I just love being black and I love being around black people.
But that’s just me. What about you guys? Fellas, have you dated any women that fit into the categories I’ve described above. Or, have you dated a woman who, on the surface seemed awesome but turned out to not be so awesome? Do you fantasize about certain types of women despite knowing you won’t ever be able to be with them? Ladies what about you? Ever thought it might be sexy to be with a drug dealer, or a super hood type dude – or maybe you’ve actually been there and done that? What was it like? What about a white guy, or a musician or some other archetypical male? Who are the guys you dream despite knowing it would probably never, ever work?