Home Empowerment Why Women Should Stop Caring What Men Think

Why Women Should Stop Caring What Men Think

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Fine in moderation and tempered with reality.

Women value men’s opinions. I know. That’s a no sh*t Sherlock. It’s also the reason that your favorite relationship blogs thrive in this niche. If a man wants to travel the path of least resistance to internet stardom, he should start a relationship blog. Why? Because there will always be women on the internet searching for answers as to why he didn’t call, why he didn’t stay the night, why wasn’t she good enough, why he seems so emotionally unavailable, why he just won’t stop f*cking Boomqueesha on the side, why he always finishes right before she does, and how to keep hope alive with someone that doesn’t love you.

Being a Single Black Male is about more than sex, relationships, and marriage. The perspective we share here is primarily about those topics because that’s the field we’ve chosen to play on and we’re all interested in sharing our perspective on stuff. I mean…how is a chick to bag the man of her dreams without knowing how that man thinks via the lens of someone she’ll most likely never meet that’s also not that man? How is a woman to understand why her last situation turned into an arrangement she didn’t verbally agree to without seeking a man’s thoughts on what she could have done differently, or things that he’s realized over the years as he’s courted, dated, and eventually signed away a small part of his soul through the rite of marriage? How does she become his “one?” Women spend a lot of time thinking, talking, and borderline obsessing about men and their minds, but here’s the rub…

See Also:  The Princess and the Frog: Why We Stay in Bad Relationships

While you’re reading about us, thinking about us, and talking about us, we’re most likely not reading, thinking, or talking about you.

Like I mentioned above, being a Single Black Male is about more than sex and relationships. Being a Black Male of any relationship status is about more than sex and relationships. And quite frankly, we spend the majority of our time thinking and focusing on something more. That is…if we’re about some sh*t.

The obvious rebuttal is that single men are always chasing the cat, looking at model shots thinking of the cat, or finding new and creative ways to satisfy the cat. My response to that is a simple question:

How much time do you think it takes us to look at a few images or send a few text messages to line up some gushy for the night or for the weekend then go back to what we were doing?

…The time it takes to buy condoms doesn’t count.

It doesn’t take much work at all. If a dude is single, decent looking, showers, and brushes his teeth, he can probably line up buns within 30 minutes to 48 hours. And once he has secured the beats, his mind is right back to whatever he was doing before he sent the message or made that call — most likely working, playing xbox, kicking it with his girl the fellas, handling fitness, and/or genuinely and generally improving his predicament.. He’s not scouring the internet for tips on how to find the woman of his dreams. He’s figuring out how to stay on good terms with her until he decides his life is where he wants it to be. As long as he’s striving for that last part, everything with women will naturally follow.

See Also:  And The Winner Is, America?

So yes, as male relationship bloggers and commenters, we’ll write posts that hit home and make you think. On certain days you’ll walk away feeling warm, fuzzy, and full of hope. On other days, you’ll hate us or want your (next) man to be more like one of us. And we’ll even offer some truly helpful advice that can be universally or specifically applied. But even with all that, please remember that most of our time is spent thinking about something other than sex and relationships, aka you. No pinkies.

If you really want to know why your man or potential Booli Lama is acting a certain way, ask him directly. If you’re tired of wasting time with men that won’t commit, then have a conversation up front with the ones you meet and stop letting sh*t slide — literally or figuratively — because you don’t have the confidence to accept that the man you’re so attracted to may not be the one for you today, and it might be a while before someone else comes along. Instead of worrying about why you weren’t good enough or worth it, work on making yourself so incredibly worth it, that anybody who turns you down will admit that the biggest mistake of their life was passing up on a chance with you. And if after all this you’re still obsessing about men and digging for answers to questions involving things which you can’t control, get a hobby and stop obsessing. We’re usually not thinking or talking about you with our peoples unless you’ve annoyed us, we’re plotting our escape, or we’re trying to decode something that made our brains hurt, so you should copy and paste this part of our script into your lives. Never underestimate the value of your mental and emotional real estate. Power isn’t only in titles.

See Also:  The G-Code: Unwritten Rules That Separate Men From Boys

If the relationship blogging niche as it is today were to die, I’d happily be out of a job. It’d mean that most women were finally communicating with the men in their lives and that the greater majority were looking inward for concrete answers instead of outward for possibilities. But until that happens, I’ll just keep clocking in. Tick tock. How much time are you willing to waste?

Meechily,

P.S. I recently had the chance to work on a podcast with J, creator of the Up for Discussion podcast series. We talked about a bunch of ish, but this particular episode is called “All Women Care About Is the D.” Check out the podcast teaser video below or click here to go to the full segment. Thanks in advance for your support!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqJaDCNGllw

Comment(130)

  1. I like this post. As a fellow blogger I try to stay away from the relationship post but honestly it keeps the page views up (insert Kanye's Shrug). Women need to understand that dating should not be as hard as we make it and it would be alot easier if we put on our big girl panties and get real with the men in our lives.
    My recent post The Message Is In The Words…..

  2. This is simple and perfect. My life got immensely easier in regards to men when I just simply decided to let things happen. I stopped worrying about finding mister right and started getting my shit together. Even worse than scouring those magazines and the net for hints about men is the realization that they're often wrong or too general to be relevant to your situation. I found a great guy when I stopped looking.

    I have a great guy who I am close to who is striving towards the same things that I am goal wise, we speak daily, make time for each other and are like minded and ambitious. He likes me because I'm no frills and rational and I lack that needy gene alot of chicks have these days, I like him because he doesn't ask me where I am every single moment of the day and he's confident in himself that he doesn't assume I'm banging all who are interested. It's lovely, it's simple and neither of are consumed with the other person. If he perplexes me I ask him what he means or thinks about it and get my answer immediately. I learned that in a sociology course in undergrad. Talking to men is easy if you're direct. When I think of him I call, when he thinks of me he calls. It just is and I've never been happier in my life.

    I try and explain to other females to just lay back and enjoy their lives, but they spend their days dissecting everything men have ever said to them and I just don't have the time.

    1. He likes me because I'm no frills and rational and I lack that needy gene alot of chicks have these days, <—- this

      Like I said before sometimes as women we dont realize what were doing until its already done. Women like attention form the men they deal with. But theres a thin line between requesting that attention and then looking needy. (but for the hell of it what do most men consider needy other than the overly obvious stuff)

      1. (but for the hell of it what do most men consider needy other than the overly obvious stuff)

        When she starts getting into them pockets or ask to borrow some money. LOL . Joking…. but not really.

        IJS

      2. "(but for the hell of it what do most men consider needy other than the overly obvious stuff) "

        Can I take a stab @ this question?
        Could needy be defined as "when attention is giving not because we want to cherish you but instead to calm your anxiety"

        ???????

        1. lol cheekz…. ok I understand that def cleared things up for me. Sometime as women we want our relationship to emulate something that we've made up to be perfect in our head..

          For example if were dating or in a relationship, we dont have to have a 2 hour convo on the phone everyday to let me know you interested or still into me but just a simple good morining text or hows your day is fine just something to let me know your alive.. But of course I want it to be from a geniwine action, i want you to do it b/c u want to not b/c "oo0o shut if i dont do this Smilez going to think im to busy to text b/c im sleeping with the hot girl in the mail room"

    2. "I found a great guy when I stopped looking."

      I swear…this needs to be on t-shirts, wrist bands, billboards…

      THIS is the answer. Stop looking and let the man do what he's supposed to do…find you!

      1. "Stop looking and let the man do what he's supposed to do…find you!"

        BINGO!! just make sure you're ready if and when he does.

  3. "Women spend a lot of time thinking, talking, and borderline obsessing about men and their minds" #guilty
    But I also work, hang out with family & friends, read, go to church, shop, pamper myself, watch movies, work out, sleep, eat, cook, watch football…even though I live a full life, there's still a zillion opportunities for boys to sneak into my thoughts. I like dudes,what can I say?

    But this is giving me something to think–or not think about.

  4. I often find is puzzling to see the comments go crazy on here and other relationship blogs when there is talk of men and relationships. Like how many times can you talk about men and commitment? At the same time I understand that those older than me and with more experience have much more to add. I think male group blogs are just as interesting for the writing style and jokes as for insight into relationships. I have learned a lot though and probably saved myself some relationship drama, but I do agree with the advice to let things flow as some point.

    Anyway, let me pop some popcorn and watch the show (ie 200+ comments.).

  5. If you really want to know why your man or potential Booli Lama is acting a certain way, ask him directly. If you’re tired of wasting time with men that won’t commit, then have a conversation up front with the ones you meet and stop letting sh*t slide — literally or figuratively — because you don’t have the confidence to accept that the man you’re so attracted to may not be the one for you at this time, and it might be a while before someone else comes along. Instead of worrying about why you weren’t good enough or worth it, work on making yourself so incredibly worth it, that anybody who turns you down will admit that the biggest mistake of their life was passing up on a chance with you.

    This is some real ass advice. I personally have a penchant for relationship blogs simply because they explore my favourite subject: inter-personal relationships. I enjoy the discussions and learn a thing or two once in awhile, but advice is certainly not something I seek from them. I had trouble in the past with communicating my feelings and expectations, but my life has been significantly more peaceful since I overcame it. The best source to figure out what is going on in your partner's head is that very person. Instead of fretting and having multiple conferences with girlfriends, a lot of women would save themselves migraine problems if they were to simply open their mouth and ask. Of course, sometimes the issue is that they don't really want to know the truth. Fair enough, I suppose, but no man is worth loss of precious sleep as far as I am presently concerned.

    1. Exactly! That person is the only true source that can reveal what they are thinking and how they are feeling. We can talk to everyone but them and never get a complete understanding. That is why it is vital to speak with that person directly. Having an open line of communication is so vital and more beneficial than some people realize.
      My recent post All Women Care About is the D(ang-a-Lang)

    1. That's very true. It seems that quite a few people have become content with just sitting around and waiting to get chosen, but like most things in life, we would be best served if we made our own choices. Like you stated, it's about action. Being passive just isn't going to cut it.
      My recent post All Women Care About is the D(ang-a-Lang)

      1. I agree with you Malik. If I take a real look at MY life, I see the areas that I succeed in, I also took initiative in. I trust in the process of going after what you want. I live the benefits of that daily.

  6. Communication is definitely an important component of relationships. I've never really had an issue with communicating, but I can see how a problem in that area would lead people to look a blog like this…. interesting. I never thought about it like that.

    Hmm… so why do I frequent this blog? This is really the only rlp blog that I frequent, and I like this one b/c there a bunch of different opinions, styles, topics and voices, you never really know what you're going to get. I probably wouldn't read if it only talked about relationship stuff. I've never really found unmarried 20-something yr old males to be the best ppl to go to for relationship advice…. whether in real life or online.

    Plus the men on here seem different from the men that I date in real life, personality-wise…. I don't think the advice is relevant lol.

  7. LOL! Thank goodness this is not a for-profit company trading on the NYSE. You would've single-handedly brought down your company's shares to $0 with this post! You're basically saying "You really don't need our product and I can't for the life of me understand why you keep buying it! But, my management and I will keep charging you for it anyway ;-)"

    Seriously though, I love this blog and I love all the different perspectives that this blog and it's patrons bring. BUT at the end of the day, that's all it really is. A blog, a virtual world. I take everything on here with a grain of salt. I can argue and dissent till my face is blue but as soon as I walk away from my computer, this world ends. My real life begins…….or my twitter life but I digress.

    I agree with you about the whole relationship thing though. It seems like EVERYWHERE I turn, there is some discussion about relationships. It's like that is ALL that occupies people's minds these days. Most twitter trends and timelines almost always have something to do with the male/ female dynamic, issues, resentments, rules, regulations etc. It's like relationships are the single most important thing in the world to people right now. I don't even know how it happens but all of a sudden, I've noticed that every time my girls and I meet up, the discussion almost INEVITABLY ends up with relationships, who is in one, who isn't, who is trying to be, who isn't….dear Lord, make it stop already!!! But yeah, don't stop the good work. Still keep the information coming. If for nothing, just for the entertainment value alone :-).

    1. Frank Lucas was very clear in telling his clientele that dope would eventually one day kill them and they should not use the product.

  8. I think this is an interesting perspective, and likely very valid. However, I doubt your readership will drop next week. I think relationship blogs are useful in the proper context. Although its important not to take every word verbatim and attempt to apply them to your own life, sometimes its good to hear other perspectives, and look at things in a way which you might not have ever thought of otherwise. Sometimes you just need advice, and those close to you have a bias already. Regardless of reasoning, I don't see anything wrong with seeking insight.

    1. "Although its important not to take every word verbatim and attempt to apply them to your own life, sometimes its good to hear other perspectives, and look at things in a way which you might not have ever thought of otherwise."

      Agreed!

  9. Do we as women often overthink this relationship stuff? Yes. But I think thats a part of what differentiates us from you. Some of the thoughtful behaviors that you love about us come from our overthinking. Do you really want women to become too much like you? (I mean we already know as much as yall about sports, politics, technology etc LOL 😉 ) I for one, don't mind having the ability to think with my heart sometimes. Just as long as it doesnt make all the decisions.

    So while I disagree that the death of relationship blogging would directly correlate with more successful relationships, I will concede that your advice of being as direct as possible with our s/o's is spot on. Duly noted.

    1. That's a good point. I don't think any man wants a woman, especially his woman, to be exactly like him. Thinking is a good thing, no doubt about that. Over-thinking at times can become problematic…but that's only when that over-thinking is going towards something that really isn't that important or worth the effort. I believe it all comes down to moderation. Sometimes it's best to not over-think things. Other times it may be exactly what is needed. It's all about balance. You know?

      I also agree that relationship blogging doesn't correlate with successful relationships. If anything it would probably mean that people are finding their 'advice/guidance' from a different source. Direct communication on the other hand, I do believe can be correlated with successful relationships. I think there are few things besides an open line of communication that can truly improve or maintain the quality of a good relationship.
      My recent post All Women Care About is the D(ang-a-Lang)

    2. I would say its all on women. We’re students by nature. From the day we’re born we’re taught. And then with relationships that student nature seems to kick in and we always want to understand or master it. Men want to learn about relationships as well but we just go along with it (and write about it). Women have this quality in them they just dont utilize it. One example is how some women will just randomly befriend a homegirl at work without even thinking but meet a nice guy and suddenly wants to know what to wear on the first date, when should he call, when to give him some, when to show him to moms etc. Live learn love.

    3. " Some of the thoughtful behaviors that you love about us come from our over thinking"

      True, true. But then again, some women overthink their way right out of a good relationship.

  10. Honestly, I have no business on this blog. I wound up here because nwso had a link in one of his stories (something about a girl in a green dress who dirty danced with him but she had a boyfriend, his cousin). Anyway, he mentioned slim jackson and it was hyperlinked. Intrigued, I clicked the link. It was like a new world. Everybody was fabulous and opinionated and funny. After a little bit of lurking, I started commenting and then somebody spoke back to me and I was hooked. Maybe there is a fascination element to it since I can’t relate and I don’t need the advice but it sure is interesting to find if my hubs thinks along the same lines as some of the dudes here when I talk to him about what I read. Plus it’s just entertaining.

    1. +1
      Blogging and reading other blogs gives me a chance to be heard and some of my opinions and thoughts, validated. I also grew tired of seeing magazine articles and blogs telling me what men want/think. It’s like, what about what women want/think? I guess guys don’t care.

      Anywho, I strongly believe that men are individuals, just like us and there is no general consensus about what every man wants. Since there is no hard and fast rule that applies to ALL men, it’s only logical that, to find out what YOUR man is thinking, you would ask him. But, it’s still nice to get a man’s perspective on things, not so much advice.

  11. ON The blogpost…

    Women have to be better at communicating with the men who immediately MATTER & stop expecting men to JUST KNOW… And if you want men to be extraordinary in most areas, somebody has got to groom them (stellar parenting)

    On the podcast…

    I like intellectual relationship discussion, & I like freaky music… But not back to back… Other than that, I did not realize Black Women were so S*x-centric… As a guy who aspires to be a S*X GOD, that annoys me, because as a society we cannot advance if male s*xual energy is not channeled & use to create… And you cannot maintain an advanced civilization on the whims of women…

    I'll leave it at that… Nice Piece & Nice Podcast

    SSTTE

  12. Slim hit a homerun with this one.

    Relationship advice have become like p0rn, college sports, and celebrity gossip, they have turned into big business. Dating websites, Life coaches, relationship therapist. Its all about keeping you coming back for more. But they aren’t really giving you what you need.

    I think women take this relationship stuff too seriously. Men don’t define themselves based off their relationships. Men don’t ‘need’ to vent about their SO. Men don’t cry over fights. Honestly I think something is wrong with a ninja who walks around talking about “My girl is my world. She is the moon of my life. I never think about other women. I pay for everything even her flights to come see me.” SIMP! If you really love somebody, you want balance and order in their life. You don’t want them worshiping you. That isn’t a lover, that is a slave, a trick, a simp.

    1. "she is the moon of my life"

      *sheds thug tear for Khal Drogo* Google what happened to the fool who called him a simp, though. Hmph! #GameofThrones

      "If you really love somebody, you want balance and order in their life. You don't want them worshiping you."

      Very true. Part of why my first relationship in Undergrad didn't work out is because I had dude on a pedestal. I didn't quite worship him but I definitely assigned him more importance than was warranted. We were only able to build a real friendship after I got over that nonsense, and I actually realized that we were not very compatible as romantic partners. Go figure, that's when he started doing things that I would have loved in the past. We would have had a fighting chance if I hadn't started off on the wrong foot.

      I don't think there's anything wrong with a man feeling the way described in your quote, as long as he doesn't broadcast it 24/7 like you said. Flight and train tickets have been paid for me because, heck, I was a student paying her way through school who couldn't afford those extras. Not that all that other fluff was applicable, I just mean to say you have to consider people's situations. But true enough, there are few quicker ways for a guy to be x'd off the list of potentials than by making it painfully obvious that he'd make a great doormat. Thanks, but I'm good with the one I got at the department store.

      1. At the end of the day Khal is still dead. So he needs to stop with all that "I'm so cool, I can take a dude with no weapon in my hands" attitude.

        1. lol, hush. After submitting the post, I realized that asking you to Google that ish was silly because you probably knew what I was on about.

      2. @NaijaSweetz

        Thats the thing sometimes we put ppl on pedestals unknowingly. I know I’m probably doing a little of that right now(trying to figure out how to stop cold turkey) (not cause my life is’nt busy cause it’s filled with school full time internship and a job) but just b/c most women naturally worry. My mom favorite line too me is “‘I dont know why the things that boy do bother you so much” and for the most part I dont know either lol. I think we stop worrying about the men in our lives with time, maturity, and when we finally realize we cant base our happiness on the people in our lives b/c they will dissapoint everytime.

        It’s not that men dont care about what women think or care in general they just dont WORRY about it.

        1. Yeah, the worrying is the big difference. When it comes down to it, guys do actually think about these things a great deal in some instances, but they don't actually fret about it.

    2. “I think women take this relationship stuff too seriously”

      I’m going to have to agree with you because I know I do and it’s getting more and more annoying as I take a look at the things that I let consume me.

    3. "You don't want them worshiping you."

      Wait. Say what now?!!!

      My deep inner princess syndrome WILL NOT let me cosign this. Sowwrryyy. 🙂

      1. Oh and we (read: you men) really need to stop throwing the word "SIMP" around all willy nilly; ya'll making it seem as if it's a bad thing for a man that wants to cherish his woman.

        StopIt!!!

  13. I generally agree with this post and I think some women do have a tendency to take the words of mal bliggers and comments way too seriously. I’ve never undrtstood how they think this blog stuff means anything one their personal lives. Just because one man says all men think this or that, doesn’t make it true. It just generates interest because people like absolutes, lists and things that look elegantly simple. Self help books. Plus those whose dissent senses tingle overtime the sense a lack of necessary nuance jump in to start an argument. So…..

    Women mostly read these things because wrong are wired to dissected relationships and analyze and improve them. If we did not, the world would collapse in war and strife. The medulla oblongata in the female brain is larger, allowing emotion and anguage to occur simultaneously. So its not a defect. It’s a benefit. Men should learn from it, because they would be more successful in their careers if they became pros at interpersonal dynamics.

    Second, most men cannot make a few calls or texts and get a woman. I think people should stop spreading that lie. It just increases the anger among the men who can’t. It might be fun to spread a macho myth, but its unproductive to everyone.

  14. For the most part is that we(bloggers n commenters) give it to you straight but with a chaser known as doubt. If i say he doesnt call because ______ while it hits home theres solace in the fact that you may be an exception, idk what im talkin about, that only happens in Boston etc. if your man/boo/baby daddy says he doesnt call for the same exact reason i stated, you just gotta take that #nodiddy.

    1. Iol. I have seen several brothers give some women hope in hopeless situations. I smh in frustration because it keeps the cycle going.

  15. This is a great post Slim. I have to agree with you wholeheartedly. It amazes me how many people shy away from or take off running at full speed when it comes to communicating with someone, especially a person they are dating or involved with. I don’t know if it’s fear or what. All I know is that many people nowadays don’t talk to one another. Instead they spend time reading relationship blogs, talking/complaining to friends, family or co-workers or just not saying anything.

    It’s time for people to stop shutting up and biting their tongue. Speak up! Let your partner know how you feel, what you want, need and expect. Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling…instead ask them and find out for certain. This isn’t hard, but you’d think it was rocket science or taboo the way so many people seem to shy away from it. It’s time that we begin communicating…and preferably face to face. Only use the texts, tweets and facebook messages if absolutely necessary.

    Thanks again for being a guest on the podcast Slim. It was fun! We definitely gotta rap again.

  16. Some years ago, I got a job as a 1099 contractor. No taxes were taken out and I had to secure my own health insurance. This is scary for some. But the team members were paid between $45 and $250 AN HOUR. Go ahead and do the math. My first paycheck was five digits for 20 days of work. It was at that exact moment that I understood the value of my time. Before, I had an idea. But that check gave me a real number about how much someone would pay me for my brain power. If I applied my hourly rate to the hours being wasted on some dude who was over me, it was was approximately 25% of my paycheck. Naw. He wasn’t paying me. The return on the time investment just wasn’t there! I had to cut back on the brain power I was giving him for free.

  17. i like this post.

    i often tell my friends my simple solution to obsessing over what a man is thinking about, what this action meant, what this text meant… if you have to do that… he doesn't like you as much as you like him, if at all. in every instance where a man has been genuinely interested in me, i've never had to wonder. never had to question why he didn't call, what this "aight" text meant, how to make him love me, why won't he act right, yadda… because all of that simply doesn't happen if a man is genuinely trying to build with you.

    not saying a man won't be a man and do stupid man things on occasion, but if a man feels a way about you, or is interested in you, eight out of ten, you'll know, and there will be no need to analyze and doubt.

    but i will keep coming to the blog bc you all contribute to entertainment during the day. 🙂
    My recent post these three words…

  18. Slim is 100% right. I love sitting and reading or listening to women that swear they know all about us and how we spend every waking moment thinking or concerned with sex. It's a factor in our lives but FAR from the dominant one. My daily routine contains a full time job (not including the commute) , 2+ hrs in the gym, personal business dealings with my various teams, while trying to stay aware of whats going on in the world. Throw in 4 1/2 hrs of sleep and many times sex is a get when you can type of thing.

    "We’re usually not thinking or talking about you with our peoples unless you’ve annoyed us, we’re plotting our escape, or we’re trying to decode something that made our brains hurt…."

  19. Good thing I stopped listening to you in July of 2010 🙂

    Seriously though- this is great advice that I will never figure out why women need. Relationship blogs (while they may provide good general advice) are entertainment blogs and should be taken with a grain salt. I do appreciate what you guys write and your writing style though.

  20. I like blogs like this for the intellectual dialogue. I look at this blog and others as a way to check the pulse of that particular crowd, not my relationship. Most times, I walk away with some interesting thoughts to ponder and other times, I want to cry for my children. All in all, I wince at the idea of a woman or a man using blogs/books/others as a guide book on relationships. Sure, in combination, those references may be helpful; however, sitting down talking with your SO is the best way to know what's really going on.
    I am glad that women take the time to get to know about their counterparts….someone has to try finding peaceful solutions to some of that madness that goes on between men and women. No, this shouldn't be a full time job for a woman, but it should be on her list of things to perfect. Just as we are taught to cook, read, work, etc., we have to learn how to be wives/girlfriends. Learning how to be a good SO should be included in the high school curriculum.
    In my humble opinion, men would fare better putting more energy into the things that TRULY matter in the grand scheme of things. How can one invest more time into the NFL/NBA yet not consider learning how to be a good husband a waste of time? The NFL/NBA has no direct or indirect affect on a man’s life…sport and play…

  21. Correction:

    How can one invest more time into the NFL/NBA yet consider learning how to be a good husband a waste of time?

      1. Lol. I get that, I just feel that being happy has nothing to do with sanity. Because its the UN happy moments that make people insane, and being better prepared for those shouldn't be left up to chance.

        If happy things were all we had to deal with in life, it would be that simple.

        1. "I just feel that being happy has nothing to do with sanity"

          and here lies the difference between the sex's..lol

      2. @Beef Bacon "How can one invest more time into the NFL/NBA yet consider learning how to be a good husband a waste of time?" PREACH!!!!

        @Malik My condolensces to you on this season then…lol

  22. I like and agree with this post.

    I don't come here to necessarily learn, well, anything. I read this blog because I respect its writers and enjoy hearing their opinions. I know that whether I'm in complete agreement or I get a little riled up for the day, I'll still be entertained. I also know that even if I take the advice I read, or follow someone's instructions right down to the "T", I'm not guaranteed to find the perfect man and fall madly in love, get married, etc.

    Relationships certainly are not black & white, and all the men on this site combined don't have all the answers. But I still love to hear what you guys think. 😉

    Oh, and it's my birthday today! Yaaaaaaaay!
    My recent post The Big 2-6

    1. *hits play* Sing it, Stevie!

      Happy birthday to ya! Happy birthday to ya! Happy birthdaaaaaaay!!!!!!!

      *tosses more e-confetti*

  23. I read this blog amongst others mainly for shytes-n-giggles, yes at times I do get the opportunity to learn something that I didn't know before in regards to ManLogic, but I take what I want from it and disregard the rest.

    I mean really, how were WE (read: women) fairing in relationships before Steve Harvey, relationship blogs and books came along? – The Answer: THE SAME WAY WOMEN ARE FAIRING NOW. (you loved and sometimes you lost back then and today you still will love and sometimes lose) No Difference.

  24. I think we, men & women, care about what the other thinks…we just show and apply it differently because we are different.

    Imo, men are just expected to know how to be men. They don't just go around asking for advice about…much of anything really, lol. Men deal in absolutes and the concept of advice kinda goes against that. "Give me the facts and I'll decide from there." Or, if they do break down and seek advice, they're asking someone they know and trust.

    Women want advice on everything, lol. And on top of that…in general, we're more trusting and open to the opinions of others. Blogs play right into this.

    1. There's another perspective that I'd like to mention…based on the story of creation…feel free to skip this comment if you're not down with Genesis, lol.

      Man was made in God's image to produce…to till and spread seed…and run stuff, lol. Woman was made from man for a man…to help him fulfill his need…and keep him company while running stuff with him as 2nd in command.

      With that in mind, no wonder we think about y'all as often as we do. No wonder we have the heart and concern that we do for you. It's a part of our design. We literally can't help it or change it. BUT, we can and should control it.

    2. Hm, I disagree with the idea that men know how to be men. I would say that women are expected to know how to be women more so than men. When going from a boy to a man, we have to trials and tribulations before we're acknowledged as men. And that is within pretty much every culture across the world. We're given a general idea or goal, but we must figure out for ourselves how to reach said goal.

      Women on the otherhand have to just make it through puberty and then they're acknowledged as women.

      1. I said "men are expected to…"…not that they actually do automatically know how to be men.

        Girls get more one-on-one nurturing time with women so that they can learn to be women. Maybe it was just my upbringing, but I don't see young boys getting that same type of individual "training".

        1. Ahh, okay. Thank you for the clarification love. I agree with you in that unless a boy seeks out some sort of organization that has a male lead, there isn't going to be any type of training (individual or collective).

    3. Men deal in absolutes and the concept of advice kinda goes against that.

      Ma'am… Being a man has little to do with one's propensity for asking for advice. The default context people usually make the assertions about a man's will for asking advice is in the context of relationships. In the professional world, we (men) actively search for various prospectives. Now… PRIDE can definitely be a factor especially in the presence of a woman given we both feel we should run stuff AND we know that you think we should run stuff. Yes, pulled from your Genesis comment…

      Moreover, the idea of us running stuff, is specific to it's scope. Meaning, as along as a guy can give the impression that he doesn't have to seek advice to run stuff, outside of that scope he'll be calling on everyone. You really think these male "head of families" don't seek advice elsewhere? To the daughter, the wife, the dog, the young son, the house plant it seems that he's an island in that respect. But best believe, he's be gathering information for external sources for YEARS. Everyone under the scope of his household just isn't aware. He's talked to his neighbor, his father, the guy at CVS picking up tampons for his lady, the woman at the flower shop. We are forward in every other aspect… Why would we all of a sudden be too timid to ask for advice? It's not always about knowing the solution, it's about knowing where to research. And dude may not want to tell you WHERE/HOW he went to get that info/solution. Resource stingy… In that light, the "how did you know?" question don't get answered really. They get, "Well, I just got the facts that thought this will be the best way to handle that." Yeah…
      My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)

      1. I'm like…really chewing on this, MM, lol…

        This will make a great conversation starter for me and the bf later…which is another reason I like reading blogs. As we discuss the topics, we get a better understanding of how we think and who we are individually…

        1. Naw, LOL! He actually told me yesterday that he looks forward to our "Interesting Blog Topics" chats. Even though that was before we had to discuss "The Cheating Spectrum", lol…VSB may have broken up a few happy homes with that one, LOL… We came out of that discussion unscathed…with only a few "huh? let me make sure I understand you…" type responses, lol…

  25. great post man. i've always wondered if dudes actually sat around and read relationship articles in magazines or came to blogs seeking relationship advice. i know i don't sit around and try to get insid the mind of women. i don't care. well that's not entirely true. i care about what the woman i'm dating at that particular time thinks. all other women? naw. i'm not going to lie to you. before i started to comment i searched the comments section to see if certain people commented and what they said.

    i don't want to say this post sounds like its shots at certain people but… actually i'm lying it does sound like that to me. perhaps thats because i've noticed a certain pattern with certain people. no @ and no dap.
    My recent post N*gger

    1. "don't want to say this post sounds like its shots at certain people but… actually i'm lying it does"

      I honestly don't know what you mean. But I'm an insecure person so I am going to take offense and assume this article was a CHeeKZ diss post.
      If Slim has a problem with me he should let it be known than!

  26. We dont speak the gospel here, but we can take you to church. We dont pass aroud the collection plate, only donations of knowledge and input are required. We write, and whether we are wrong or right, we dont willingly steer you wrong. We just speak form our perspective. Listening is an action verb, but you have the right to just hear what we say. Our words wont hold you back, but people say the want the real but really want us to hold back. Really though, we aren't built for that. We just build with you and keep it real.

    Streetz
    My recent post [VIDEO] Shady 2.0 cypher: Eminem, Slaughterhouse, and Yelawolf – BET Hip Hop Awards

  27. LOL, considering that I'm writing a book on what men think about God, this post makes me a little uncomfortable with myself. That said, I agree with what you guys are saying about communicating with your man. My biggest lesson in life has been learning to be unapologetically myself. While I'm always willing to talk things out and address the concerns of others, I've learned to communicate my wants and needs without feeling ashamed or unworthy of those things. As Kanye says, "Everything I'm not makes me everything I am." And I'm worth it.
    My recent post 5 Reasons Sports Fans Go Straight To Heaven

  28. When I first started reading relationship blogs, it wasn't because I wanted or needed advice on how to deal with men. I was curious to see how different men may address any given situation, and no matter how wrong I think that particular man may be, I still appreciate the opinion. For the most part. lol.

    I agree that people — women, men, children and babies — should not look to others to tell them how to deal with things in their personal lives. The only advice I ever give is your personal issues begin and end with YOU, so what's wrong with you? If people took more time doing that, the relationship blogs might crash and burn.. well, probably not as long as their are women who swoon over you, and don't know any men like you offline, yada, yada, yada…

    Anyway, for me, these blogs are for entertainment purposes. Perhaps you guys should put a disclaimer at the top of every blog… "Disclaimer: I am not Dr. Phil, and Oprah is not my mother."

  29. Cements something that's been running through my mind for a long time now as I've been lamenting about the topics that trend on my TL and the proportion of my time I spend on casual blogs vs blogs that challenge my critical thinking… and more importantly, what that tells me about my present state of mind(lessness).

    Cool.
    My recent post Mamas, Bellies, &amp; Babies

  30. I don't think men go around looking for advice about women on blogs and such, we're quicker to go to blogs for issues tangential to how well we do with women. So like, we're not going to dig up a post about what a woman meant when she said XYZ, but we will go check out a sites for style cues, latest restaurant openings, and other fly shhh… not just because we like all that sort of stuff, but also because it helps us as far as women are concerned. It's a bit of a different approach.

    As far as being a male blogger who writes about love and relationships a great deal (to an estrogen filled audience), I think there's a fine line we have to tow. My personal goal is for everything I write to be accurate reflections of whatever i'm feeling at the time. Some of the opinions I express in some of my posts the women folk hate (emotional unavailability, why I sometimes disappear) and then some of it women seem to really enjoy (There Goes My Hero) – but the truth of the matter is, I'm completely indifferent toward how folks feel about the stuff I put out there. Regardless of how you feel about my opinions, my goal is for the you to finish reading and be like, damn… that was really well done. I just want the actual writing to be great.
    My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

    1. my goal is for the you to finish reading and be like, damn… that was really well done. I just want the actual writing to be great.

      this is why i rate Most.

  31. Hats off to toay’s post and the comments. Ironically, this topic is exactly why I stopped reading all relationship blogs some years ago. I realized that I no longer (or truthfully never really) cared about what a lot of guys think. I only truly care about how to communicate with my guy. The best way that I’ve learned that hasn’t been thru reading books/blogs/articles. It’s been through direct engagement and trial/error.

  32. Hmmm….well I read a lot of these blogs for poops and giggles and to help me get through the work day. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes they get a side eye. I think most people have a little 'voyeur' in them and want to know how other people live. It's the same reason why I read Washington Post's advice columnist Carolyn Hax's Friday chats at noon. People be having some issues.

    But this post is also like a dealer telling a customer to get off the pipe. But they'll still be there every morning with the crack rock. Women will always be a supportable/dependable market when it comes to these issues. Writers know this. Tyler Perry knows this. The Sex and the City people know this. And on. Women will always care about relationships on a macro and micro level because they carry life, their reputation's are easily sullied, standards of beauty are thrust upon them.

    But women are also multi-taskers so in the midst of this "worry" and "caring" jobs are still being held down, happy hours are being attended, houses are being bought, trips are being taken, meals are being cooked, lives are being lived. Hopefully at least…
    My recent post What I Learned From The PBS Prohibition Documentary Wednesday

  33. This is a great post, but I'm surprised nobody took the time to challenge any notions you posed, so here I go. It's true that we spend a lot time thinking about men in the context of relationships and such often.
    But I think its deeper than just being insecure or obsessing over relationships – I think women are just often more inclined to care about other people and thus try to understand, and those other people include men.

    Women understand this too. If I come to see my good female friend and I sense something is wrong, she probably won't shy away from sharing emotion or pick a fight that frustrates everyone. She probably knows I'm asking because I'm trying to understand because I care (not just about what she thinks, but about her). Men don't always understand that, including our male platonic friends, which we often care deeply about too.

    If you care, it's hard to put it out of your mind and not care. Communication doesn't always help either. You can ask him why, but that doesn't mean you've reached an understanding with him. I think that's what we women look for when we come to these sites – a level of understanding that we may not be getting from communication because sometimes communication can be confusing. What you've said is that men typically don't try to understand much, which is fine, but telling women not to try to understand people is almost contrary to our nature (built by whatever societal forces). Can that ever be resolved? Will men ever understand women and will women ever understand men? Probably not. So your job is intact for a while.

  34. My only comment here would be that, I actually comb the web for articles on relationships and I like to be well versed. I think that we all benefit greatly from face to face conversation. But please keep coming to us and emailing us because we are the men who talk. That's what make SBM so unique, we express ourselves in a world when men don't. Take care, have a great weekend.
    My recent post My First Blog (The Final post on The Book of Jackson)

  35. I read a statement by a lady/blogger that recently got married, in which she stated that she had to remove herself from the more-often-then-not-negative dialogue on relationship blogs to actually get and maintain a relationship.

    and i totally see it. (heterosexual) women want to be able to understand the minds of men – blogs present themselves as the best way to do it. but the more i read and interact, the more i see that is not the case. we communicate more, but it's not positive and effective communication.

    at the end of the day, i am responsible for the blogs i read (i try to support my friends and educate myself, plus be entertained #nogladiator) and for what, if any, role it plays in my life. getting my blood pressure up because of one blogger's or commenter's words, was silly. esp since 90% of the time, that's the exact response they were aiming for. and who likes being a sucker? not this girl!

    i will always read and follow the blogs and people that stay true to their word, both in front and behind the screen.

    interesting read…
    My recent post written word: the intervention (rated spicy)

    1. "(i try to support my friends and educate myself, plus be entertained #nogladiator)"

      'Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?'

      Why, yes, it is…
      Though I suspect on blogs, and irl, certain women and men make a great effort to convert others to their way of thinking or get a rise out of people (as you stated).

  36. I was reading a Dr. J post in which he announced he would not be writing about relationships anymore because the feedback and comments were ridiculous (that's what I got out of it). I come here because I enjoy the varied perspectives and subject matter. So, I thought it was a shame because of his unique personality. Yet, I knew exactly why he would be the one to step back-because he has the least patience for bullshnoody. And if he decided that he wouldn't even write relationship blogs, there is no wonder why people are having issues finding a suitable mate.
    "DOWN WITH THIRSTINESS!!!" is what the current post means to me. If you're so thirsty, you're becoming delirious, it's not okay. It is okay to make an effort to understand the opposite sex, but you shouldn't be obsessed with it. Living your life, loving yourself, accepting what you can't change, and changing what you can should be enough.

    1. I actually have a lot more patience than most men. That's why we're here. But I think that i'm not going to talk to someone who won't listen. That's where I draw the line.

  37. I can put it out there and say I wasted so much time trying to decode all of the shit people (read men) do and why. Actually, I knew why and it helped me to understand them over the years. I pretty much decided after a number of years of hitting those bricks walls to just have a seat. As a woman, when you chill and do your own thing and don't press – it's lovely. No need to send off signals of desperation and clock-ticking syndrome. There is more than one way to a fulfilling and happy life. Stages of life for a relationship – or not.

    I love the way you write Slim because well, the fact is you're definitely laying out the truth for sisters in general. Some of it may be harsh for them to hear, but most of it is just plain truth. Keep up the work to Saintdom man.
    My recent post Who Will Marry a Woman Like Me? The Single’s Challenge to Get Whole

  38. wiedziona łakomstwem rzuciła się na fant Una dodatkowo zbyt nie przyglądała.
    Postękując
    przysiadł, ustawił dokładnie przynętę. Począł czołgać się ku tyłowi, rozwijając w ciągu sobą podłużny s.

  39. krzyżowaną na ścianie forma.
    Mariszka w dalszym ciągu trzymała wingmastera, wstydliwie zbierając Zara
    wobec szyją fałdy
    śpiwora. – Odłóż owe, przygodna cipo – rzucił
    pewien z komandosów. Frodo nie zważając na
    rozpaczliwego wkładania zastrzygł uszami.
    Agresor strzelił po polsku. Z akcentem, pomimo tego po polsku, Co wydaje
    się, nierządnica, grane,
    zastanawiał się, czując, że pozostało mu w tym momencie troszkę czasu na rozmyśl.

  40. . Rycerz skrzywił się. Istotnie pogański owo turbot *Verna* władyka,

    akceptować maleńko takiego

    pod samym zamkiem. Księżyc zachodził przedtem.

    Straże nawoływały się niby rzadziej. Pora

    była załapać w najwyższym stopniu.

  41. ęk, przypominający szurnięcie drucianej szczotki po desce.
    kliknij po więcej informacji (Wendi) Pistolety PSM,
    etatowe rynsztunek rosyjskiego wywiadu, miały integralne
    tłumiki.
    Pozostały pobrzmiewanie, zlewający się mało co z ów kluczowym, wstrętny, mlaszczący, kiedy
    pocisk trafił w cel, Głuche stęknięcie, jęczenie.
    Frodo zacisnął powieki.
    Wzburzony chichot Kirpiczewa. Westchnienie. A także cisza, Finał, tłukło się w czaszce
    niz.

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