Earlier this week a friend forwarded me an email. I normally ignore forwarded emails, because despite the number of threats from chain letters on my life, my friends life, my love life, and/or other, to the best of my knowledge, none have suffered as a direct result of ignoring a chain letter. However, the title of this email, The Man Rules, drew me in. Inside that email I unearthed an extensive list of “man rules.” I laughed, I cried, I screamed “I know, right?!” to no one in particular. I took the liberty of narrowing this list down to the 10 most critical items. I present to you for ratification The 10 #ManLaw Commandments.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Crying is blackmail.
3. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
4. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
6. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
7. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. So, if you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
8. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
9. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
10. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Unfortunately, after reviewing this logical, flawless, all encompassing list, my friend and I were confronted by a mutual friend of the opposite sex. A heated debate about the merits of the commandments began and eventually the following exchange occurred.
She said: *sigh* I do not care to go to great lengths to explain the obvious to you…… idio…I mean…“Men.” LMAO! But I will say this…
We as women do not do JUST the minimum for anything. We go above and beyond for many things in life, especially for our men. We do this to show that we care!
So, if we are having a bad day, and you ask ONE half hearted “Is something wrong?” MAAAAYYYBEEE we would like you to show a little more concern and ask again, just for a little reassurance that you reaaaaallllyyy care and want to know what we are upset about. We don’t want to tell you if we think that you don’t want to know. Geez… I didn’t think repeating a question is so much to ask, especially not for the person that does so much for you.
He said: *sigh* …..there is no such thing as OBVIOUS when it comes to women.
AAAACTUALLY, asking for someone to repeat a question that you are more than capable of answering the first time is A LOT to ask. It doesn’t make sense! Now, if the woman didn’t hear the question, “Is something wrong?” that is understandable. But to refuse to answer the question honestly… “No, im not ok,” or….“yes, Im fine” creates unnecessary tension and future rhetoric (that weeeeeeee do not feel like engaging in) that could have been avoided. Again, when asked the question, “is something wrong?” why would someone say nothing is wrong when something iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wrong? …………………………………you know what……………………………that’s lying.
And with that SingleBlackMale.org readers, the lines were clearly drawn. It was with a heavy heart that I realized this seemingly perfect list was flawed for it did not resonate joyously within the souls of women the same way it had in that of my fellow man. Then it occurred to me, can such a list ever exist?
In all seriousness, I have recently been confronted for not challenging men enough. I respect this constructive criticism and have taken it into account. Today, however, I challenge you to come up with a list you believe both men and/or women can and should abide by in order to have a successful relationship in an age where Modern Men Are Too Lazy to Court and Chivalry is Dead. If you are on Twitter, hashtag your responses with #ManLaw or #WomanLaw and SingleBlackMale staff will share the best submissions.
The true test is to see if anyone can honestly develop The 10 #ManLaw or #WomanLaw Commandments that both men and women can come to a consensus on. I believe this social experiment will illustrate how differently men and women view what determines a successful relationship and why there is so much contention on relationship blogs and within relationships in general.
Selfishly, it should also help me come up with a slieu of follow-up blogs. For clarification, a consensus is not necessarily an agreement, it is a decision-making process that seeks the compromise and consent of a majority of participants. In closing, you are showing us what standards men and women hold themselves and their significant other to.
We will judge comments by the number of likes and replies received and Twitter by the number of ReTweets. Based on reader feedback, I will add the top #WomanLaw and #ManLaw list to this blog post at 5pm EST along with the applicable user name(s).
Admin note: Updated at 5pm EST.
Top user submitted #ManLaw Commandments list provided by The Hallway:
I. Thou Shall Argue Fairly. You Cannot Tell Me What I Am, But You Can Tell Me What I Did
II. Thou Shall Not Make My Partner Feel Bad for Answering Ques. That I Did Not Want to Hear the Answer to.
III. Thou Shall Not Keep Count of the Compromises We Make for One Another
IV. Thou Shall Be Honest and Able to Admit When I Am Wrong
V. Thou Shall Look at All Arguments, Concerns, and Discrepancies from Both Sides
VI. Thou Shall Not Jump to Conclusions
VII. Thou Shall Not Question the Struggles That Come with Being a Man/Woman, We Both Have It Hard
VIII. Thou Shall Not Complain Without Serious Solutions to the Issue at Hand
IX. Thou Shall Not Be Too Stubborn to Be the First Person to Call After an Argument
X. Thou Shall Not Give Useless Information Out of Malice to Stir Up Insecurities/Jealousy
I’d like to personally thank those of you who participated today and those of you who read/lurk every day. You make this blog and its writers a success.
Sincerely, the always humble except for when I’m cocky,