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No Means Yes

144
THIS!

Let me paint a picture for you: You get a woman’s phone number/bbm and you start chatting. You hit her with all your classic lines, your charm, and she’s FEELING it! You have no doubt in your mind that you can and will score. You set up a rendezvous with this woman, and have a wonderful evening filled with dinner, dancing, and even a pre end-of-the-night kiss! You take her back to her house, and that awkward moment where you don’t want to ask to come upstairs, but you hope she offers, occurs. As you put the car in park, she looks dead into your eyes and says “if you’re feeling tired or want to chill some more, feel free to come inside”. Like a vampire who rejoices that the curse is lifted once he receives an invitation to enter a mortal’s house, you are elated, knowing that you have one more road to cross before experiencing the pleasures of her warm squishy goodness. The anticipation builds, but you contain your excitement, so you don’t look like a giddy 12 years old who got that new video game for Christmas and is ready to do damage to his XBOX 360. You keep it cool, because you know the major victory has been achieved, and all that was left was the consummation.

You get upstairs, and as you witnessed throughout the night, she sends you every type of nonverbal message that says “You better not be a cake ass dude. You better rip my clothes off, throw me against this wall, MAKE me scream your name, and give it to me right, or you are finished!”  This fine specimen has given you your marching orders. All that’s left is for you to execute. Once you get settled, and while you two are watching TV, or chatting, you survey the situation like a pride of lions observing a herd of gazelles on the open field, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

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You see daylight and make your move. Things are getting hot and extremely heavy! You get to the point where clothes come off, and to enter her restricted area, you’ll need your golden ticket. We don’t stop at the tolls; we got E-Z Passes! Right before you’re about to present your documentation for admittance to her love factory, she hits you with the Heisman. With a look that screams “YOU gotta chill!!” she exclaims “No, I’m not trying to do that right now”.

No? NO?!! What are you talking about?!  We were right here!! Right. HERE!! How are you going to stop me at the goal line when I’m ready to score and do my touchdown dance! This is complete B.S.! I’m out!! These are the thoughts that permeate your mind when you get shut down by a woman. So, not wanting to seem super pressed, or wanting to pressure her, you stop. She then looks at you like you have 7 heads, and asks “Why did you stop?!” What’s even worse is when you tell her the obvious “Umm… because you said stop”, she looks disheveled and confused. She’ll tell you that her no was actually a “yes keep going” response. Women logic strikes again! I’ve encountered this situation more times that I’d like to recount, and tried to reason myself as to why this occurs. I’ve been in situations where No meant yes, and no meant NO. So how do you actually tell the difference?

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I would say that it has to be a gut feeling, mixed with the analysis of non-verbal communication. See, I’m always weary of trusting intuition. As a youth, my mom ingrained the following mantra: “If a woman says no, No means NO!!!” No matter what I thought she really meant I would stop when she says no. There’s a difference between a verbal confirmation and physical. There will be times when things get hot and heavy between a woman, and she might do a gentle push away or the classic “Let’s slow down” phrase, while she’s getting increasingly aggressive, but once she says to chill, I chill! If she looks perplexed, than you know that no meant yes.

I feel that a woman will let you know whether verbally or non-verbally whether you should stop or go, but the woman is controlling the situation. Some women like aggressive men, but that doesn’t grant you carte blanche to do whatever you feel based off a hunch. Women seem to say no initially because things may be moving too fast and they need to call a 20 second timeout to reorient themselves. They might want to say no to give the impression that it won’t be “that easy” to bed them, which is respectable because they value perception. Sometimes, they may not have wanted things to go past a certain line. Once you Dougie and Cat Daddy all over that line, they have to put a halt before you get your hand in the cookie jar, or when they need you to remove said hand. Other times, they may just not be into you, and no actually means NO! Over time, with experience, you can feel these situations out, but I always err on the side of caution. Your boy Streetz is not built for jail in any way, shape or form! Women are complicated when it comes to the word no, but it can actually be simplified once you know the background reasons for their initial denial. Either way, chill before they put you on ice!

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This post is an excerpt from my e-book “Fly On The Wall” which will be released on streetztalk.net on November 2nd. Yes after months of talk, it will finally be here! it’s the first piece of literature that I will actually “publish”. I’m excited for it, and I hope you enjoy. Be sure to check back here next week for all the details!

StreetZ

Comment(144)

  1. no means no son…..

    with that said if she's saying no while still stroking your piece or dry humping you then she probably doesn't want you to stop.

    i've also encountered this far too many times to care for.
    My recent post Holding It In

    1. I'm with you homie. No means just that…NO!

      Likewise…Stop means STOP!

      This is where some women like to "play". They will say no, but turn around and tell you that they didn't say stop.

      Like Streetz said, you have to be intuitive. Personally, I prefer to be cautious and not take my chances with invalid interpretation.
      My recent post Random 7 w/ Angie LaLa

      1. Exactly man, that's the last thing you need to go down for is an unnecessary rape charge that leads to serious jail time. Dealing with bullshit like that, its always best to keep it moving when a woman like that likes to play games.

    2. When we say NO, a lot of times what we mean is YES to the kissing, touching, & feeling, but NO to the sex. I'm guilty of this. But of course, men want the sex part, which is understandable. So for women, we just need to understand that if we don't want to go all the way, then we have to pass up on the kissing, touching, & feeling part.

  2. For women being the better communicators, you would think they would find a better way to articulate what they mean rather than simply 'no'. Like, you're supposed to all sexually liberated and sh!t now. Why aren't they hustling smarter with this? All this does is make me want to avoid foreplay. Yeah, yeah, yeah rookie mistake. Flags on the field. And all those shenanigans. I don't need a darn list, but I'm going to need you to take a far more active role (verbally or non-verbally) in this. Otherwise I'm going to leave. I'm not down with all that finicky nonsense. I can't have any of these worst case scenarios weighing on my psyche.

    1. Definitely a red flag right there when it comes to women playing these mind games with sex and using it as a power tool to get over on men . Like seriously, what's the deal with these women out here nowadays throwing out mixed signals when it comes to foreplay and sex? For communication when it comes to relationships and issues related to sexual liberation they don't use common sense but yet they expect to be taken seriously? SMH

  3. If I invite you to anywhere near my bedroom…all lights are green. Why would I tease myself buy letting a dude come that close and saying no.

    1. That's how it should be…but there are a lot of women who like to tease and play games. It baffles me, but I've heard plenty of horror stories to know that those type of women exist.

      Kudos to you for not playing those type of games.
      My recent post We Must Spread LOVE

    2. With that being said that's how it should be without the bullshit and the game playing. Wish more women would use common sense when it comes to these things.

  4. It sucks that men have to deal with this stuff. Then again, there's a solution: take the time to get to know her(and vice-versa) and build trust. Where there's safety and trust, hesitation/2nd thoughts are usually absent. Then again, what do I know?
    My recent post Apologies & Crazies.

  5. OMG I think almost everyone should be able to relate to this scenario in one way or another.

    True Story: I went through nearly this very situation as described above, and stopped him for my own reasons. His reaction: He FLIPPED on me! Like he legit spazzed out, cursin and askin me what I thought this was and everything! Then he left me in his living room! Never seen such in all my 25 years! He even deleted me from Facebook, the ultimate passive aggressive Eff You! LoL. Smh. I was traumatized for days! 🙁 Mind you, I’d known him for quite some time, and never saw this coming. Maybe I was being nieve or something? *shrugs*

    Anyway Streetz assessment is pretty on point. I think often the no is either us needing a moment to clear our heads and make some semblence of a rational cost benefit analysis of the situation, or we just don’t wanna give it up too easily. My advice would be to fall back a bit and slow things down, then revisit your attempt again later. If we really want it, trust we’ll find a way to convey that and get it. If not…better luck next time, LoL. But please don’t spazz! Smh

    Good post/excerpt Streetz, ready for the book!

        1. Damn right especially when he's been lead on by these women who knowing play these games. You're asking for trouble.

    1. "I think often the no is either us needing a moment to clear our heads and make some semblence of a rational cost benefit analysis of the situation, or we just don’t wanna give it up too easily"

      Yes! This is the main reason. You are still unsure in your own head. I have be guilty of the same thing once. But then a male friend told me that the #1 no-no is to lead a guy to believe he is in there and then pull away the goods at the last minute. He was so adamant about it so I know from now on be sure of what you want to do before you get to that point.
      My recent post MissRepresentation

    2. Wow! Homie did the most. I understand being frustrated, but all that extra stuff isn't necessary.

      I'm curious, what was your reason for stopping him?

      Sitting here reflecting on how he acted, I'm thinking you made the right choice.
      My recent post We Must Spread LOVE

      1. @Up4Dsn: My reasons were that I wasn't sure it was a good idea, because I didn't think our intentions were alligned. I wanted a relationship. And his actions were too inconsistent. And you are right, I realized after that, that I definitely did dodge a bullet, and my temporarily hurt feelings were likely a small price to pay for the headache that may have come if we had taken things further. Smh.

        1. That's a good reason not to proceed. You never want to take that leap without being sure that you and the other person are on the same page. You're right, the small price was likely a fraction of what you may have had to pay if you would have crossed that line with him.

          Thanks a lot for answering my question. I appreciate that.
          My recent post Random 7 w/ Angie LaLa

      1. LOL! You don't know him personally, but you've met him lol. He's close friends with one of your frat, and we've all been at a few events together. Actually, if you're coming to that event in Jersey next week, he'll likely be there! SMH.

  6. I'm 24 years old my mom told me years ago "No" means "No". I understand some women like aggressive men and that's fine do you, but once you tell me "no" I'm backing off. I do not have time for the police or anyone else knocking on my door telling me that I did something wrong. I can understand if you think we are moving too fast (wont like it, but I understand), but if you're just one of those "I like to play games" type of woman I'm sorry I can't agree with that. Like someone stated earlier if you actually communicate for AWHILE with someone and get to ACTUALLY know them then this may be less likely to happen to you.

    1. That's exactly right and I have to co-sign on that because thats exactly how I was raised growing up as a youngster that when a woman means no she means no and you shouldnt proceed any further. It would be a lot easier if ignorant naive women allow these situations to surface because you aren't sure. They would be saving themselves and the man a headache and other types of unnecessary drama by being more direct and open. If I was ever in a situation where it would almost lead up to intimacy and that bullshit started to happen I would just use common sense and leave that girl alone because I sure don't need that bullshit or have time for any police serving an arrest warrant or some angry male relative physically threatening me or having to look over my shoulder. All it takes to prevent these issues is common sense and direct communication instead of dealing with the drama.

  7. I know a few men who could benefit from your mom's sage advice. You are wise to err on the side of caution. The chick in your story, and others like her, are straight up buggin'. Mixed signals are one thing…but to actually ask WHY dude stopped? That tells me that you were merely trying to give the impression that it's not all that easy to get in your nether region. If it's going to happen anyway, what have you achieved?

    Once upon a time, I enjoyed being playful without having any intention to bed. I'm sure I still do, but I've learned that the verbal agreement that we forge at the beginning when I make it clear that it won't get past point X appears to be rendered null and void once it approaches. When I say no, I actually mean it. I don't expect to have to fight you off me or even to repeat myself. The fact that there's a chance you may be able to hit the finish line if you keep going is actually not a good reason to keep going. There's a reason why I've opted to draw a line, and it would behove you to respect it. Of course, time and weariness have taught me that the best way to avoid annoyance is to not get into such situations to begin with.

    As for guys struggling with this, I could be wrong, but if you stick to your guns and come to a full stop when she asks you to do so, she'll be less likely to play games the next time around. If she's really feeling you, that won't be the only opportunity you get. Also, you could simply tell her that you have a strict "no means no" policy, and that she should only say it if she means it.

      1. Haha. Sometimes you just want a dirty dancing partner, you know? But yeah, it's forced me to be on that good behaviour tip, which is not at all bad thing.

    1. I have to agree with Streetz. Teasing men is not where it's at. To tell a man one thing and then lead him to believe something else can be dangerous. Most men won't be thinking about what you said in the past, but be more focused on what you're doing currently.

      I understand where you're coming from though. As long as a woman sticks by what she says and doesn't lead a man on he has no excuse.
      My recent post We Must Spread LOVE

      1. It wasn't really teasing, though. It was more of having boundaries regarding lines that I did not want to cross. For example, I didn't mind cuddling in my birthday suit with a significant other, but that did and does not mean that I want to sleep with him in the coitus sense. I felt like if I lay things out for you and you agree to my terms, it's not my bad if you renege. Kind of like how guys get frustrated when they let a woman know that they don't want a relationship, and then she starts picturing their honeymoon and pushing for something else. Also, I'm referring to people who know me, not strangers. I've refused to sleep over many a time because I knew it would only lead to me getting seriously annoyed.

        1. " For example, I didn't mind cuddling in my birthday suit with a significant other, but that did and does not mean that I want to sleep with him in the coitus sense."

          Nope. Nah!!! No-Sign on a trillion yo! LOLOL! Cmon Naija! Why even tempt fate by laying there naked. That sends ALL the wrong signals! Like.. theres NO condining that, smh
          My recent post Housekeeping… #kanyedbythebell pure genius!! [Flickr]

        2. right. naked = sexy time.

          I am not the teasing type. I actually think its quite childish. I respect people that are not sexually active but they gotta be more distinct in their "lines".

          to follow on to Up4dsn if the person is your SO its absolutely ok to say "not now/not tonight" with someone you have a sexual relationship with but I still wouldn't do all that cuddling naked, personally…but then again I don't even believe in cuddle (only) buddies with clothes on. lol
          My recent post When I’m without you I’m cool…

        3. lmao, I just cracked the hell up. Yeah, like I said, I've learned my lesson, but the first guy I dated seriously only had to hear no once. Like, literally, he didn't try "going there" after the first time I said no. I was spoiled and thought things were fairly simple.

          But in the most frustrating case I've had, my s.o would keep bugging me to sleep over, agree to stay his lane, and then be the one to frustrate himself by getting me to that point. Eventually, I just said eff it and stopped.

        4. Seriously?!

          You were cuddling butt naked with dude and not willing to give him any of the goods. If so, that is tempting and teasing to like the millionth power! LOL!

          BUT…hold up…I just read that again…you were referring to a significant other, which I'm assuming is someone you would have already had sex with, right? If so, I can better understand why you may just want to lay in the nude and be close to your partner. In fact, that makes a lot more sense, because I can't understand why any woman would get butt naked and cuddle with a man she has no intention of being intimate or having sex with.
          My recent post Random 7 w/ Angie LaLa

        5. Not necessarily, no. But yes, a significant other all the same. It wasn't a big deal for me at the time, so if I felt as though we had an understanding, it was whatever. If a man doesn't know himself enough to know that he can't handle it, then I don't quite know what to tell you. Especially if he's the one to initiate it. I wouldn't actually creep into bed in that state, so it generally wasn't my doing. Am I really teasing you if I tell you what it is, and you can't control your hands or mouth? Or should I make sure to say no 15 times before you get it?

          "Babe, I just want to taste.." Um, ok. It got to a point where I would just said no, point blank period. But yeah… I'm good on the oversharing for today. It's been real, y'all. lol.

    2. I agree with you my sistah! I feel for you my brothaz! Apparently the women you're dealing with have multiple personalities and have skipped their meds. One is saying no while the other is saying yes. Give them a moment to confer with each other. If they come back in agreement go for it. If not, keep it moving. Seriously, when you're having sex for sport with random people you're liable to encounter all kinds of wacky scenarios. Sounds like no one has any boundaries or respect for themselves or for you as men if they're playing games. I guess, this is what you get in the recreational sex arena. Happy hunting!

  8. lol this is the first step on the path to blue balls for most men.

    Sometimes we say no (out loud) b/c in our head we know we are doing something we are not supposed to be/or did'nt plan to do with you. Hopefully a women would'nt play this type of game after yall (chill inside) multiple times. If she does then she's just playing games and trust it wont stop if you continue any type of relationship with her. I try my hardest not to send mix signals but sometimes we get caught in the moment and just want a sample of the main course. (ie heavy kissin a$$ grabing u know the little stuff)

    But yea just to be safe men if she says no take it as no idc if she's but naked with a cherry in her mouth and had" come in" written in chocolate on her thigh.

    1. "But yea just to be safe men if she says no take it as no idc if she's but naked with a cherry in her mouth and had" come in" written in chocolate on her thigh."

      Fcuk that … I'm blazing!

  9. No means no at all times. If she means yes, then afterwards, let her initiate it. When the woman says no, don't even try to wonder if she really means yes. Yes, some women play games but that's where you, as men have to draw the line. Take her for what she says. If she verbalizes and says no, I don't care if you both butt booty naked, get up and put your clothes on immediately. Otherwise, you risk a bad situation.
    My recent post 500 Hats of a Writer by Guest Blogger Kandie Delley

    1. If she means yes afterwards, that shit ain't even worth going back after. Any man with common sense or an ounce of it regardless of being hard up for wanting to some is not going to waste his time with a woman who gives out mixed signals its not worth the headache. Both need to draw the line when it comes to these things because the last thing needed is to be wrongfully accused of rape.

  10. The title is a bit shocking … wow.

    I really hope people read this all the way through. Always err on the side of caution.

  11. Err on the side of caution. Any time I've said "no" when things were getting hot and heavy it was because something happened that didn't feel good and I no longer had the motivation to continue. If you start awkwardly fumbling around my body I will put a "cease and desist" on that azz mid stroke.

  12. No means no. Except when it doesn't. So it could mean yes, and it could mean you're about to get hit with a $exually assault suit.

    I guess I'm fortunate enough to not have been in this situation. If I had, I would probably just left the girl alone, never attempted anything again, and never accepted any future offers from her. Way too much risk. But then I would have been a jerk.

  13. I swear its just in a womans nature just to stop just to show that she can. I've had girls hit me with the hol up hol up hol up hol up hol up just to give the green light 3 minutes later. Guess she just wanted to feel like she was in control and less heauxish. Now i just play dumb and act like i have no idea where this kissing is goin you want it take it out #soiknowitsreal (last so i know its real ever i promise).
    My recent post ItzTrizz617: @Lizzs_Lockeroom Agreed. When Mayweather and Pacquiao actually fight and its over…whats left?

    1. I thought your #soiknowitsreal was funny but appropriate. I know a couple of chicks that told me a dude would get all the way in and then they're like "nah let's stop, I'm not ready for this with you." Crazy and that has to be the most frustrating experience for a dude. Ever happen to you?

        1. lmao! Maybe I messed up their wording a little bit! But still you think you got to the point of no return and she pulls this on you and you gotta stop. That's gotta be so hard! (pause?)

    2. I think "hold up" is fair game… "hold up" is like "slow down"… I use hold up… but of course I'm pretty cut and dry with the "you will get ____ tonight" so by then they should know "hold up" is simply "let me catch my breath a sec" lol.
      My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

    3. "Now i just play dumb and act like i have no idea where this kissing is goin you want it take it out #soiknowitsreal"

      LMBO! Haha! Nothing to question there…

  14. I really dig this post, I happen to have thought about this… a lot… because I like it quite rough with a little bit of tease- but the tease is not *whether* he’ll get it, it’s *when* (minutes vs hour) and *how*- but it’s hard to get it rough unless you’re in a serious or trusting relationship, for all the reasons guys have already mentioned. Communication is pretty much the only way to make this work. I think intuition (on the guy’s part) is _not_ a good move. Always, always, err on the side of no really does mean no.

    The way I play this situation is to never use “no” during the tease. And I mean _never_. I use a lot of other words that allow me to play coy/him to chase a little harder, but never “no.” Why? Because when I say no I need it to, truly, actually, always, mean NO. I’m also pretty forward in the tease if it’s somebody I’m not in a relationship with- meaning, I say, point blank: “if I say ‘no’ that’s exactly what that means. But anything else? Fair game for you to push.” I describe the stuff I like in some detail, so he knows my range is quite far. I say “I like to be choked. I like to be bitten. I like a little flogging- all paddle, never whips, and on and on and on. If you want X,Y,Z? You’re gonna have to take it first… as long as I don’t say NO? It’s a go.”

    So, in my experience, communication is the only way to get this without him having to guess. I'm extremely sensitive to a man's plight with this situation… thanks for writing about it!

    My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

    1. You ever use a code word Chunk? Some people like the word no when they're into all the roughness but umbrella or watermelon means "okay for real, I need you to stop right now."

      1. I do, but I didn't want to muddy the conversation with that example.

        But basically the only time I've used a code word is when in a _serious_ relationship that included BDSM play where I was the submissive. Because the word "no" was actually part of the play, we had a safe word. But it rarely got used because he _knew_ me and all the nuances that come with me in that situation.

        LOL @ umbrella and watermelon… my word was just as silly.
        My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

        1. After I posted that I thought watermelon could’ve made its way in somehow so that’s not a good code word. Lol

          I vaguely remember creating a code word but I’ve never used it. My hubby is too afraid to hurt me.

        2. She's probably tried… I used to try with my exhusband… he could get there, but it took _so_ much work to get him to go roughneck in that way… but when he did? I wouldn't have been able to utter a safe word even if I tried, lol.
          My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

        3. I’ve told him that. He’s a gentleman though plus there have been a couple of times when he actually did hurt me when he wasn’t even trying to be rough, like I was crying hurt. That was a long long time ago but I think he’s afraid that’ll happen again if he gets too into it so he just treats me like a flower petal. I’m not sure if it’s part of his personality either (he’s a taurus). Sometimes I can talk him pass that though. We’ve got the rest of life to find just the right amount of roughess so I’m not too worried about it.

  15. I'd like to co-sign this one but I've never been in that situation..I couldn't imagine a female going through all of that and then saying no..unless she on her monthly that just makes no sense to me

    1. To be clear, there are some reasons… (if she's bleeding and that's the only reason, she should not have gone that far to begin with)

      But a full stop can occur for other reasons, too:

      -You pull it out and something's _wrong_ with it. "excuse, me, stop, what is *that*? nope"
      -You came unprepared.
      -You did something that truly scared her and she no longer feels safe.
      -She suddenly lost her nerve. (it happens, it shouldn't, but it does)
      My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

      1. See I would make sure all of that is checked off the list before WE decide to get it in. That situation Streetz spoke of would NEVER happen to me..Id decline her offer to go upstairs..damn that…that's thirsty..you have to let her give it to you..Real G's know..lol

        1. "Id decline her offer to go upstairs..damn that…that's thirsty..you have to let her give it to you"

          Explain… what's thirsty? Let her give… it?… to you? Huh? lol I see your comment below to WIM too… and I'm O_o that "we smash when I say so" line….

          MrSD?

          Somebody gon pull yo card one day. lmao.
          My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

        2. Thirsty is not chasing ass…you let it come to you. I guess I have control issues (plus im a leo..lol) As much as its not a game, it really is. At the end of the day I have to prove my worth…for whatever reason I need to be worthy of her vagina, true? So I show that, subtlety, but I let it be know I'm more than worth it..so now we on even ground. i deserve what you have and you deserve what I have to give. = her relinquishing control AND me not ass chasing…now at some point she gonna be like damn he don't want this? and I do but im not THIRSTY….eventually we will get it in and thats when I PROCEEDS TO BEAT IT UP just to let her know 1. I WON! 2. ITS MINE! 3. SD DON'T CHASE….lol

  16. I think every man who has ever dealt with women has at some point been in this situation. Women be indecisive, bro. Women be indecisive.

    That said, I always err on the side of caution too. Every time I hear "no" I come to an aggressive, immediate and abrupt stop. I have, in fact, probably lost out on a number of chocha due to such overly cautionary measures but better safe than sorry. Always next time. And if no next time, sometimes you gotta replace'm, not chase'm. And by "sometimes," I mean all times.

    1. I guess I would never put myself in that situation. In the post she give him the invite to come upstairs. I would have declined..we smash when I say so..that's just the way I think..

    2. Exactly, better safe than sorry because the very last thing that you need is dealing with the constant headaches of being wrongfully accused of taking advantage of a woman. I also have to co-sign that sometimes you gotta replace'em not chase'em. Its never worth it and if a woman has to go through all those measures of going through all that means she's definitely not worth dealing with so proceed with caution when dealing with these games and drama.

  17. I can't do the mixed signals….it's written all over my face. After months of making out, by the time I got to the point mentioned above it was no stopping unless something crazy came out of nowhere. Besides, my mind can't handle the game, I premeditate most things.

    Make out sessions and heading towards the bed have different feels to them, imo. Maybe because I knew in MY mind if that option was even on the table. When courting I HAD to keep a destination in mind in order to not find myself in a regrettable situation. However, now that I am married I have learned not to jump the gun and just enjoy the ride. Now it doesn't matter where it leads to. Now I get to enjoy the scenery and not worry about the actual destination. No games…no worries.

  18. To retaliate, the guy should take her shopping the next day. Let her pick out any and everything she wants. All the hot outfits, hats, shoes, and accessories she chooses. Then when they get to the register, holler “HOLD ON!!! I’m not sure if I’m ready for this yet.”

    Only then will they understand how muhfuggin retarded it is to do something like that.

      1. Hell yeah! Except I don’t know if I can keep a straight face while she’s racking up because I know what’s coming next.

  19. But this is risky behavior on the woman’s part, because she’s assuming the man will have sense enough to stop. Most men would stop (at least I hope), but I dread the day when they encounter the guy who won’t.

    Simply don’t go there if you don’t plan on going there.

      1. Guys seem to feel better about the woman’s ummm… activity level when they feel they seduced her into giving it up. When women are too upfront it reads: h0e. So yea you are going to keep getting women that say no but mean yes and the oh so popular “Well…but I dont usually”

        1. #lieswomentellthemselves

          I call BS. We (men) already know that "Well…but I dont usually" is a lie. Well, we assume once we hear that its likely that it's not really true ESPECIALLY if we didn't inquire. I assert that women play many games to make themselves feel better about their own desires. That's a personal problem… Clearly to have chex, one has to be comfortable with the environment, the other person and yourself. And a lot of women aren't comfortable with themselves to indulge as much as they would like. So no, a woman having chex with me doesn't make her a h03.

          Again, a discontinuity between what men consider h03s and what woman consider h03s.
          My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)

        2. I agree with your personal conclusion, but disagree with the general feeling men have towards women's coital escapades. There have been numerous men who have loudly and strongly been steadfast in that there are certain activities that if a woman performs in the bedroom she is no longer 'wife material' to put it in the most polite fashion.

          I don't have any studies off hand so I wouldn't say the majority feel this way, but a decent percentage of men do firmly believe and abide by certain acts that women do in bed disqualify them from being treated like a lady.

        3. @MeteorMan I respectfully disagree. Have you seen Twitter or even some of the comments on this very blog? Women are judged widely for their chexual choices. Constantly. With all the "If she wear's pink on a Sunday during the football game, while there's a full moon in the month of November she's a h0e" business goin around, its understandable that we often pause and overanalyze our actions.

    1. Oh girl I just read your post – that is a tragecomedy. Like, you gotta laugh so you don't choke the ish outta that man. I got blue ovaries just reading. But if you do end up sealing the deal with him, it will probably be epic. That's the kind of fantasy that will have you painting your nails erry night, lol.

    2. I just read it and gosh my feelings would’ve been hurt at first too. I’d be like really dude I’m standing here in my panty draws and you still have the willpower to say no? When he explained it though, it was sweet and you can’t even be mad, you just gotta rub it out. My hubs has said no to me a couple of times and I’m always like word? For real dawg? What language is this you speaky?

  20. Scence from the movie "Friends with Benefits" when they're in the middle of having chex:

    [screams as she comes….Dylan stops everything]
    Dylan: What's wrong?
    Jamie: [screams] Nothing!
    Dylan: Well, women start to scream, it could be misconstrued!
    Jamie: [screams] Just keep going!

    I dont know why, but this post reminded me of this scene in the movie, lol. It's funny because it's so real. When a woman says no or screams utter confusion commences, lol. Jamie did the right thing, however, by screaming out the next instruction to end said confusion. I felt Timberlake's character, though…can't never be too cautious. Da kid ain't being trumped up on no felonious chexual assault charges. Word. lol.

  21. Dope post homey.

    I think women should understand that good men are taught, and abide by the rule, no means no. I know you're tryna get your fantasy on too and all, but you saying no when it really means yes might cause another chick to be in an uncomfortable situation when her no really means no.

    I think you can still play around with the idea of being coy and demure without necessarily saying "no" or "stop".

    All that said… I seem to be in the minority here as, I've actually never had this happen to me before.

    My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

  22. Well I guess I am the only naive one reading today.
    For me the tug and pull began because things had different meanings from where I am from. So in high school when a guy asked could he come over to watch some tv after a date we actually watched the movie of course there was some making out but no s*x. So as I got to college I had this same mentality and when a guy would take me out and he asked if he could come up to use the bathroom or watch a movie and chill I would take that literally. I mean I knew we might make out but sex really wasnt at the fore front of my mind. If making out was going too far then I would let him know hey I don't plan on xyz'ing it tonight. Of course it didnt take long for me to figure out what the play to get into my place was about but boy oh boy those first few times I was so apalled that they expected me to just bust down like that and we just started dating.
    I grew up sheltered and looking back things that were common knowledge to many I see was really foreign to me. Fast forward to today there is no tease I have made my decision before you walked in the door. Good post tho!

      1. Naij I keep meaning to tell you I like your hair like that. It’s friggin awesome and you look like the natural haired barbie here. Love it!

    1. Totally agree – there was something sooo nice about "making out" back in the day. We could get real hot and heavy with our clothes still on, and having a guy get his hand "under the sweater, over the bra" was some risque shyt. At some point we lost that – it's like if you're alone in a room with a man then condoms need to come out. I realized a couple years back that I missed that. It's something that I can do with the hubby, but no one else was really going for it.

    2. This right here is so true! There are so many codes that you have to get used to when it comes to chex, and both men and women have them. It was my freshman year in undergrad as well where I learned that the "Let's watch a movie" thing was the Godfather of all chex swindles! As @TeflonMom said, that age of innocence is definitely missed. Chex seems to be the bottom line to everything these days. My HS boyfriend was so sweet, heavy petting got him hyped, he never required more. This is probably why I chose him to take my v-card….lol. No regrets at all.

      1. Yeah it was like all of sudden you were adult and guys not only expected to get but you to be a pro at everything. In high school I had only had chex once but in college the first guy I was with wanted oral. When I explained I didn't do that he chuckled like he felt I was lying. He wanted me on top explained I was willing to try but don't expect fireworks he again thought I was lying. I knew then things were different "out in the world" as my grandma would say. LOL

    3. GIRL!!! I wasn't so much as naive in college, but I realized early on that most dudes DID expect to get it after the first date, or even a few dates. I can't tell you how many times I laughed a dude out of my room. My no always meant no! The problem is h03's be messing it up for everybody!

    1. I think most of the time that "no means yes" means you are going too fast.

      *sings*
      "Baby we can do it
      Take the time
      Do it right
      We can do it, baby…"…"

      1. Shiatttttt. I been 6 strokes in when she changed her mind. That was years ago and it still hurts. And I had known her for years. Krazy

        1. lol! I just know I've had times when I was ok for it to go down but then dude gave me a couple of pecks on the neck and then seemed about to skip a few additional necessary steps. Yea… that might get a no.

      1. I've had plenty of strikeouts asking women out. I've had plenty of strikeouts asking women if I can come over. I never had a strikeout once there.

  23. Nice, Streetz! Now, go ahead and drop that e-book #SoIknowitsreal

    I'm with Ivory. I never had to say no in HS because it was understood that we are watching a movie, and will not be having s*x on my mama's couch. #nos*xinHS

    Then, here comes college, and sh*t got real. I said no plenty of times in college, but I never let it get to the level of our clothes are on the floor. Once clothes are off, its a go.

    Now, I don't just let anybody come in my house, so if I invite you in after a date, its not so we can watch Family Guy. I'm good for the "ooh baby, wait.", but that does not mean "no" or "stop".
    My recent post My Love Is Like…

    1. Exactly!

      Now I am not for saying no when I mean yes but he may get a "slow down daddy". We don't need to run to the finish line cause the journey can be just as good as the destination if you really take the time to check out the scenery. Lots of things to do in the park before u ride the rides. All I'm saying. LOL

  24. ooh a BOOK! that's exciting! Congrats, I can't wait to read it.

    I don't have much to add since I've never been the cause of this type of frustration, but i did enjoy the post and the comments!

  25. Streetz, I have to guess this post is base on a first date basis right? Well, if it is, then I have to say, I never experienced this before… I never expect anything from a woman on a first date other than a nice evening out and some laughs… My grandmother told me a long time ago that woman knows if she is going to give it to you way before we can even anticipate the motion coming… she gave me that advice and it has never failed me…

    NEVER EXPECT THE GOODS ONE THE FIRST NIGHT OUT!!!!

    If you get lucky on the first date, GOD bless you! If you don't get any on the first date, then you have to go home to Mary and her four sisters (ie hand job). I have to laugh though because I have been a few first dates where women were actually expecting me to go for the goods… I guess I come entirely different school of thought… Women today are more aggressive sexually. I think it is they who expect us to give it to them on the first dates… Any takers???

      1. Nope, can't say that I have ever experienced this even after knowing her for a while… Usually with me I wait to see what her mood is before trying to entering the arena… If she is receptive then I know it's a go, but if she gives me signs that something is on her mind, I save myself the frustration and move on… It's either we will or we won't…

  26. I feel for you my brothaz! Apparently the women you're dealing with have multiple personalities and have skipped their meds. One is saying no while the other is saying yes. Give them a moment to confer with each other. If they come back in agreement go for it. If not, keep it moving. Seriously, when you're having sex for sport with random people you're liable to encounter all kinds of wacky scenarios. Sounds like no one has any boundaries or respect for themselves or for you as men if they're playing games. I guess, this is what you get in the recreational sex arena. Happy hunting!

  27. I want to apology to the good soldier streetz for being tardy to the party. I would have stepped up today and TOLD SOME STORIES!

    But I'ma chill. Just know I saw every comment and it looked like you guys had fun today. I would overshare, but I'm not snitching. Just know this, I try really hard.

  28. "when I say nah they say ahh" – Mason Betha

    This whole situation is weird to me. I always kind of hold back and make the chick make the decision. I never sleep with a chick who is wasted because I ain't trying to wake up with platinum bracelets. I will say this much though, once a dude opens a condom you have to kind of go through with it. You can't be taking a few yards and not going for the first down. That's just wasting time. I'm not the type of dude who's cool with 3 and out.
    My recent post My First Blog (The Final post on The Book of Jackson)

  29. YES, we do need a 20 sec regroup moment. I try not to let things go there b/c I hate to turn someone on like that b/c I would be pissed if someone did that to me. So in a scenario when it gets hot and heavy, I say No, we take a 10 minute break and get it going again, I'll be straight up. I'm not having sex with you, but I enjoy the fourplay. So if you okay walking out of here with blue balls then let's play. of coarse, they still play thinking I'll eventually give in. So in the end, they can't get mad…lol All they can do is respect it. This article was written well-very classy
    My recent post The Fight Against Addiction

  30. I live right in the middle of the city so the parking situation in my neighborhood is atrocious. It is virtually nonexistent. I'm a practical person. If I'm going to say no, it will be in the car, before he spends 30 minutes looking for parking. Otherwise, it's all the way……. unless HE says no ;-). Aaaannnd that never happens! Lol

  31. Yeah see. This is just bizarre.

    This is also in my opinion how chicks get raped. You don't play games, inviting people into your house, giving handjobs and blowjobs and then shutting it down 2 seconds before take off. As a woman I feel like it supremely rude and a little cruel. I don't take it there and I've made my mistakes but I just don't let it even get CLOSE to this, unless I am 100% committed to the act.

    When I say no. I mean no. When I say yes. I mean yes.
    My recent post I just ordered The 247Swag diamond image and Everyday I'm shuffling for myself(@…

  32. When a girl says no, I think its logical for me to think she means no. Nobody wants to be accused of rape. No should mean No and yes should mean yes. As a fella, I have come to realize that sometimes cos she invite you in her house, it doesn't mean she wants to get busy. A darn shame but some people are coquettes and its how they are..

    1. I actually think it's sad that an invitation into one's house should automatically be seen as an invitation into one's bedroom. Or that one is considered a tease for wanting to extend a pleasant evening with further interaction that's not necessarily of a physical nature.

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