Home Featured Four Reasons I Don’t Want a Daughter

Four Reasons I Don’t Want a Daughter


Earlier this week, Mr. Spradley wrote a post called Five Things About Men I’ll Teach My Daughter. Assuming you want to have a daughter, these were all great life lessons to share. To be clear, I’m not sure I want to have kids at all. Even if I do, I plan to be married before I have kids and I’m not sure I want to get married. As you can see, I have some things I need to work through. However, below are four reasons why I don’t want to have a daughter.

1. I prefer to raise a son. I think if I had a son it would be easier for me to relate.  I’m a man, so I know what it’s like to be a young man.  Having a son, in my opinion, would give me a head start on being a good father.

Proving once again that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all, I jokingly tweeted, “If God ever gives me a daughter I swear I’ll fight him. I’m not about that raising a daughter life.” This comment was one of many that inspired a blog on venusgenus.com, Why Some Men Don’t Want Daughters – a website described as a collective body of phenomenal works by women. I still prefer to have a son, but there was a paragraph in this post that resonated with me:

The fear that your daughter may not be the ‘Virgin Mary,’ the fear that she may be taken advantage of by these big scary men, is all understandable, given the world we live in. However, wanting to produce more ‘big scary’ men as a solution is a bit counterproductive to battle these fears. It’s crucial to remember that both the life of a girl and a boy are equally important and express that to them.

2. A daughter and a wife? No thanks. I don’t know if you know this but sometimes women can be emotional. Two emotional women under the same roof might be too much for me to bear. Not to belabor this point but if I have a daughter first, I’m done having kids. There is no way I’m going to chance having a wife, two or more daughters and no additional testosterone in the house in the form of a son to, at minimum, provide moral support. I have a friend with three daughters and I pray for him each and every night before I go to sleep because I know he needs it. He loves all the women in his home but the sanity he once took for granted has long since left his eyes.

See Also:  Five Pseudo "Crazy" Things Men Have Done That They Won't Admit

3. What if she becomes a ho, fo sho. A lot of men won’t admit this but all men are afraid of accidently raising a [garden tool]. Given the number of tools in the world, it’s a legitimate fear. You don’t want to be out with your boys one night at the gentlemen’s club when the DJ introduces their star performer to the cheers and leers of familiar customers and your daughter comes prancing out in 6-inch clear heels. Just the thought of this makes me want to fling myself out the window of an extremely tall building. Sometimes it will briefly resonate with a man as he is making it rain while a PYT makes it left-cheek, right-cheek for him or he is waiting for a ‘film’ to upload on his laptop, “This is someone’s daughter.” It is a very disturbing realization and one that no man ever wants to have about his own daughter.

4. I will Love her too much. There is a Subaru commercial out right now that I’ll embed below. The father is shown talking to his underage daughter as she fights with the seatbelt. Eventually, he hands her the keys and you realize it is actually his teenaged daughter in the driver’s seat. Through her father’s eyes, however, she is still his little girl. Every time I see this commercial, I feel some kind of way. In fact, the first time I saw it I almost broke down in tears but instead I cut myself with a dull butter knife and rubbed some dirt in it, because I’m a man.

See Also:  Black Women Heavier but Happier and SBM Couldn't Be More Proud...Sort of


There are times when I think about the joy of raising a daughter and how much I would love her and it overwhelms me. The idea of anything or anyone ever bringing harm to her makes me want to punch everyone on Earth in the face and then threaten them menacingly while placing my index finger just inches from their nose as they lie on the ground, “Don’t you ever purposefully or inadvertently through action or inaction do something that may or will bring harm to my Princess, bro. I’ll murder you 30 times. I’m serious.”

Honestly, if I have kids, boys or girls, I will be satisfied if they are healthy and I will do my best to keep them happy. But, if it were up to me, I would be perfectly content raising a son or 300 Spartan sons before I would take on the task of raising one daughter. Would you prefer to have a boy or a girl or both? If you have a preference, please explain why. If you already have kids, besides their health, did they come out how you wanted and if not, how did you adjust your expectations?



  1. Good luck with #2, bro. My Dad has me and two sons, but guess who we're siding with 9 times out of 10? Momma Dukes FTW.

    #4 is beyond cute. That quote is too funny. I want to have both, but I don't even know about this marriage business either. I want to say I'd like to have a son first to look out for the girl(s), but I held my own as the eldest. Plus, my mom and I have a great relationship. It's all in God's hands, whatever the case.

    1. You summed it up perfectly. God's will is what will be done regardless. All myself and WisdomisMisery can do is hope and pray that a daughter isn't in God's plan for us…but if it is, I won't trip too much. I'll just have to drop to my knees and start praying even more…daily!

      LOL! I can't even imagine how your dad was feeling those 9 times out of 10. The life of a father…I'm sure there is none like it.
      My recent post We Must Spread LOVE

      1. lol The poor guy. I do feel bad for him sometimes because we're all closer to my mom than we are to him. I've grown less antagonistic towards him with age, though, and we now have a fairly decent relationship. I am and will always be a momma's girl, though.

  2. I have a daughter & 2 boys, she’s the oldest. I feel sorry 4 her husband…lol She bosses everybody in the house! I think one daughter is enough…proms, hair, nails, lip gloss, make-up, etc cost 2 much 2 have more than 1 girl.

      1. I'm gonna have to challenge this one. Although the fact that I've cost my parents far less than my brothers is partially due to special circumstances, I daresay costs only get out of control if you let them. As kids, there's no particular reason why you should spoil your girls more than the boys monetarily, and as she grows up, you can have her on that allowance tip. She'll buy as much as she's willing and able to save for, and you only go above and beyond that at your discretion.

  3. IDK I want a boy and a girl if I can afford it. But it's just as scary raising boys as a women

    1) No one in the house ot relate too. I have a little brother but I was an only chid for ten years. Trust me and my mom are very close she had someone to talk to that would really listened. And someone to do girly things with

    2)Little boys get into a lot of stuff. My brother went to the emergency room a couple of times before he was 4 years old. He was very adventurous

    3) he could get some ratched, hood rat, fake Nikki Minaj Basketball wife pregnant with his seed. And then I would have to kill him and her especially if he's young.

    4) Jail. I always try to point my son in the right directions but its easy to get caught up now adays especially if you dont hang around the right people

    5) I would make him the toughest mama's boy known too man. (I dont raise punks lol)

  4. I figure for the most part men as a whole would be worried about having girls. But I think the men who worry or don't want it the most are the ones who did women extra dirty/ran through a ton of them in his wild years. He feels like karma is going to come back and bite him in the tail.

      1. Interesting. Have you ever actually asked a man who was afraid of having girls if it was because of this, or is it just a theory? Most of the men I know had their dirtbag moments, or… years during singleness but are now married or near married and have no thoughts about how their actions prior to settling down might have some affect on their kids lives. For most men, the two are totally independent. Actually, I'd argue that those of us who've had our share are more equipped to prepare our daughters for the realities of what ni**gas are really like outchea.

        Truth be told, I don't even believe in karma in our own, individual lives, let alone intergenerational karma.

        If that were the case, my life shoulda been a cakewalk to this point.

        My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

        1. The fear doesn’t make sense to me, though. It was just a theory. I have trouble understanding the way men put women in good/bad, worthy/ unworthy of respect boxes. It’s like most men can’t see nuance and grey areas with women. It’s always black and white, pedestal or trash. I think this becomes a conflict when men think about aving daughters. Their faced with an unknown. Coupled with the desire to protect.

          I think, but I’m not sure, that men have a difficulty accepting women outside the strict categories. Having a daughter means someone you love can switch categories. But the truth is that all women live in both. Were just compelled to emphasize one side.

          That might be one reason I get so much flack. Because i wont adhere to the box I’m supposed to be in. Theory. I’m still asking and analyzing.

  5. Yeah, a brotha isn't trying to do an Idris Elba in "Daddy's Little Girls", lol. I don't think I would mind having a daughter, but my fear would fall under #4 for sure. I'm assuming her momma would be fine as hell, so I already know I got trouble on my hands…lawd help me now!

    I always said I'd like to have maximum 2 kids and one at least be a boy. 2 girls, though? woo…nah, I can't imagine. I grew up with my older sister and my mom so I already know what it;'s like to be the only man in the house. Some stuff you can't shake. To this day I still, without thinking, put my toilet seat down in my own bathroom after I'm done using it, smh. True story.

    1. “I’m assuming her momma would be fine as hell, so I already know I got trouble on my hands….”

      Mmmm….sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this means NOT A THING! I’ve seen some pretty bad (meaning good) women produce children who have faces only they could love….and vice versa!

  6. OmG that threat has me cracking UP! HARD! I can't even look at this homework now.
    I have a son, 5, and a daughter, almost 16 months now. When I got pregnant that second time, I was hoping she was another boy but ah well, I should've worn a blue shirt to the ultrasound appointment or something. Before having my first, I wanted to have a daughter but when I had that little boy first. .. OmG my heart just beats for him and I thought if I could have another one like him, it would've been so great around here because he is such a good kid. I wasn't mad at all though when I found out she's a girl and now that she's here she looks like a little Winnie the Pooh and she's got this cute personality too. And what is really great about it is seeing my son be a big brother to her. He was helping her put her jacket on the other day and one time he was brushing her hair and singing to her at the same time…….. Sorry I forgot what I'm supposed to be talking about. Once you have them, you won't care whether they're boy or girl, you'll just love em to wittle bitty pieces.

    1. HAHA, that's just how I get when I'm talking about something then I mention the girls…then I'm just talking about the girls…then I'm like "wait, what was I talking about?" They have a way of taking over your thoughts. Is that her in your avi?? Dang little pictures, but she looks adorable.

      Wish me luck, we're already planning for the girls' first birthday party in December!! It's gonna be huge because hubby's fam is coming in from out of town.

        1. The girls' birthday is December 8th, but we're having the party on the 10th (saturday)

          Why, you wanna come?

        2. I know Cynical I'm nervous too, lol. My mom already threatened to get me a box of condoms for my last birthday.

      1. It's like you zone out and your mouth or fingers keeps on moving. You're talking on automatic because your heart is control, you can't even help it when you talk about them. Then you notice people's eyes glaze over…. lol Yes, that's her. I tried to post a pic of the both of them but it's so tiny so I just changed it to her since we're talking about daughters. She looks so much like her big bro. A caramel version of him.
        Woo chile! Good luck with that birthday party! And in December? And family is coming? Giiiiirl! Alright there Teflon Super Mom. What day is it? They staying for Christmas too? My boy's birthday is in December too. We waited til he turned four to have a party for him though. What part of the country do you live in? I hate that his birthday fell in the winter because you have to do something indoors and maybe pay for a venue. What are your plans for the party? The family can frustrate help you with it. That'll be fun!

        1. Ok, here's the plan – I'm in the DMV, so it'll be pretty cold here. At first we were gonna have it at our house, then we realized that ti would be everyone from the baby shower (which pretty much maxed out our space) PLUS his family from out of town so we're going to rent a community center. I've got some friends and family on deck to help with food/decorating and I know at least 2 cousins will be staying with us. And NO, they will not be staying til Christmas that's almost 3 weeks from the party. Talk about wearing out the welcome….

        2. Dang, ya'll are doing it big. My son's first bday was a tiny cake and a couple of toys. We just didn't know anybody here and our family wasn't coming up. Because we couldn't do anything for him we didn't do much for the daughter on her first either to keep it fair. But it sounds like ya'll will have a good time. See his bday is on the seventeenth, just a week before Christmas so if anybody ever comes for it, then likely they'll stay for Christmas too. Our hope is that one day we can go back home for his bday so he can be surrounded by all of his peeps. Sounds like you've got it all planned out and it should be pretty fun. Is there a theme? Butterflies? Poodles? Princess Tiana? Will there be other kids? lol You know some of the kid parties turn into grown-up parties. Ya'll gonna be playing spades and what not.

        3. hahaha!! You know my mom has her own set of bejeweled dominoes right? I don't have a theme in mind, man this is going to be more work than I thought. Shoot. I don't see us making a huge deal out of coming birthdays, but so many of his family members haven't met the girls because they live mostly in Atlanta or Florida, so this will be the grand unveiling. Plus they're the first grandkids on his side of the family. How far away is home for you and hubby? Y'all need to prioritize a trip so that your fam can kiss and hug up the babies!

  7. My dad is one of those ‘3 girls dads’. He did an amazing job raising my sisters and I while dealing with a crazy wife.
    As far as #1 goes, I think my dad grew up thinking the same thing. He learned that he could use “knowing how to be a man” as a means of teaching us about pretty much anything. Especially men and hormones once we hit puberty. He just told us everything he did growing up. For every situation, there was a version that happened in the 70’s with him or my uncles involved.
    #4, I think that’s adorable, but you’ll be surprised how many men look at their grown sons with those same eyes. I think we’ll all love our seeds “too much”. They’re ours.

  8. #4 was sweet..I dont know..a daughter does seem kind of hard to raise. Hell, my Godsister is 14 y.o w/ a body. Scary as F@ck! Also, everything is so easy: Skyping, texting, sexting, etc,etc..totally understand you WIS :-/

    P.s Boys are just as bad! But I think they can be trained easier..**shrugs**

    1. I think boys are just more secretive. I have 24 nieces and nephews, but I'm just going to focus on the 3 teenagers (16- boy, 16-girl, 15-girl). The boy is getting into way more trouble than any of us can anticipate, but he's so silent about it none of us know until months later. And for some reason, parents seems to be more hands-off with boys? As if they're supposed to be hooking up behind the bleachers after school…*shurgs*
      The two teenage girls? Let me tell you! it's a firestorm every time something bad happens (inappropriate email, text, incident). We then have a family pow-wow to figure out how to get them back on track lol.
      Kids will be kids, it's how you address it that makes the difference
      My recent post War in me

  9. I’m a female and I feel the same way about raising a boy. I’m petrified of the idea of even having one. One reason is the way I have seen the women in my family raise young men. I’m Latina, and while the case study “Love a Son, Raise a Daughter” was based on African American women, I couldn’t help but to feel that’s how my family raise young men. My sister and I were raised to be independent. While my mother enables my brother into dependency.  That was also the case with my uncle and cousin as well.  The women in my family seem to obsess over their sons.  But, even though I am well aware of this and detest it… I find myself doing the same. I have a 5 year old cousin and adore him to pieces. I find myself unable to reprimand him and unable to say no to his demands, specially when he hugs me and tells me he loves me. If this is with a cousin, how will I be with a son?! I plan on raising my son (because as scared as I am, I still want a one) under a strict regime. Actually, I plan on raising all my children that way… But I think it’s harder to raise a young men due to all the violence, peer pressure, and debauchery they are sometimes exposed to (not to say females aren’t). But at the end, I plan on being married when I start busting out kids… So I am trust that my husband will be able to supplement my parenting skills  whenever lax, and vice versa.  

    1. I've wondered if women felt the same way about raising boys. My X, who had a son, always talked about having a daughter so they could do "girly" stuff together and she thought she'd be able to relate more/easier. She was one of those love to be a mom types though, so I'm sure that will happen for her eventually.

      Anyways, that's an interesting point you raised about men raised into dependency. I've heard about that before, but I havent read the case study you're referencing. I'll have to look into this. It is interesting that you recognize that you treat your cousin the same way. The older I get, the more I feel like I'm turning into my dad. This isnt a bad thing, he's a great man, I just thought I was my own person when more and more I'm just turning into my parents. lol Like you, I hope my wife makes up for the way I'm going to spoil my daughter and I can make up for the way she will probably attempt to spoil my son. Like you said, someone to "supplement my parenting skills" would be great to have in life.

    2. Double cosign FLO. I grew up the same way. Seeing the same things. So I have an awful fear of having a boy. The men in my family just dont turn out right. Babies everywhere, can't hold a job, no sense of hardwork and commitment. A few live on the street. Do drugs. Its sad really. I used to worry for my little brother because my mom coddled him so much but his father has had a strong impression on his life so he has turned out very successful. Thankfully. Which has also taught me the importance of a strong male influence. I can look back now and say times when I thought his father was too tough on him was actually necessary and also recognize that I as woman wouldnt be able to be that rough which is why daddy is very necessary.

      Great post!

  10. It’s men like u that should raise a daughter. Specifically because u would care too much. Granted u’ll love her so much u’ll always want to step in to protect her. But It’s important that father takes the time to share that wisdom and make his daughter aware that sometimes life aint about that fairytale. It’s important to teach her how to handle herself when the going gets tough

    I was raised with 3 brothers and my dad was a military man. I’m apparently his favourite and he’d most likely have given me anything I asked for growing up; my bro tells me he still would even today.

    Despite that, he made it his and my older bros’s duty to school me. To wise and toughen me up. To protect me. By the time I’d got to university my eldest bro was very chilled when his friends thought they’d get at me. He was like I know my sister and u’ve got no chance in hell with your usual game, so whatever yo! Simply because they’d taught me well. I’d meet guys, we’d get chatting but I’d quickly see any rotten plays coming at me from a mile off and I was able to side step most of them because of the wisdom my bros and my dad shared with me.

    I’m who I am; most especially I understand my worth as a woman because of the men in my family.


    That said there also tons of things I learned from my dad that make relationship with men easier…I love fast cars, sports, engineering AND 5” high heels. I’m both a man’s girl and a girly girl in the same stride 😉

    1. shubby doo: "I'm who I am; most especially I understand my worth as a woman because of the men in my family."

      Great line. I hope if I ever do have a daughter she will say something similar in regards to her brothers and me.

  11. I can handle having a daughter, I just want a son first (if i have kids at all) so he can play that protective big brother role. I never really thought about raising a son that'll turn out to be like the boys i'm trying to protect my future baby girl from but i guess that's something to consider.

    More importantly, i just want happy healthy children with a good dose of common sense. There were very few lessons that I had to learn the hard way- i hope my kids are like that too.
    My recent post Victoria and Frederick

  12. My manifestation was ALL BOYS!! LOL! Being that I'm semi-tomboy, I couldn't see myself looking for pink stuff on top of I don't know how to do hair.. smh. Well I'm playing both sides of the field. Dealing with 2 totally different personalities is enough to stress you out all in it's on. The girls are a little more complicated but the same way men usually "don't" try to figure their girlfriends out is actually a good way to start figuring out your daughters. Some moments, you really have to step back and take a breather. Boys aren't much difference. My son is getting into a lot of fights and all of that manly macho stuff… smh. It doesn't matter what sex they are, each will come with their own obstacles that would rather be avoided
    My recent post Love: Now Hiring or Maybe Not

  13. Lawd, you reminded me how cute (and heartbreaking at the same time) that baby driver commercial was. Always loved it!

    And yes, I said "ho, fo sho" like Steve Carrell when I read it. In fact, I was referencing it last night before I read this post. Cosmic timing! Ha!

    And I think the most crippling fear with men raising a daughter is that the way they treated women in the past would maybe end up happening to their daughters. Some men have admitted this to me, some don't want to. 😉

    1. "And I think the most crippling fear with men raising a daughter is that the way they treated women in the past would maybe end up happening to their daughters."

      This ish right here!!

      Funny thing is I dont want girls because I think they would do me the same way I did my mother. Karma is a b*tch!

    2. “In fact, the first time I saw it I almost broke down in tears but instead I cut myself with a dull butter knife and rubbed some dirt in it, because I’m a man.” *Dead*
      I LOVE that commercial. Every time I see it I smile, “Daddy okaaaaay.” Anyway, I’m the oldest of 3 girls, & I know my dad caught hell. Being a player himself, he was very clear about how men are & that helped me tremendously. I have a son, & that’s what I prayed for. I don’t have time for all that dress up, combing hair, matching barrettes & ruffly socks. Ugh.

  14. In reading the post and some of the comments here, as a almost 50 yo single black female w/o kids (all by choice bec ninjas have and still chase me down like I'm Willy Wonka's golden ticket) I smile as I think about the fear and normalcy of this these feelings, To be afraid of the unknown, idealize the future and have strong and passionate emotions are all synonymous with all sexes. In fact as a woman not only do I identify with these feelings, their convictions are unisex. So no matter what sex is born first, whether they come out boy/girl or girl/girl or girl/boy or boy/boy, as long as they are raised to be proud and black is a start and then to be intelligent, confident and secure. Most of the issues you raise as I see it are. Ideal related to nit just fear factors but also mind matters. A female can grow to be rich, knowledgable and stronger than a man (Oprah) without physical strength and as a black female will have and face life much more easily. Frankly I have 3 brothers, all black males and growing up in the 1960s and 1970s as a str8 black male was tough enough. Most of the black men I knew from my childhood other than my brothers are either dead, in jail, homosexual (if alive…many died from AIDS before 1990) or haven't seemed to risen out of poverty as quickly as the black females have, except those that went into athletics.

    All concerns you mentioned really comes from how a child is raised and that comes from US, as society and parenting both need to raise our kids.

    Each time I date and meet a psycho I think that this is someone's child so it's more about rearing than anything else. Besides, both sexes are not guaranteed heterosexual orientation. Think about that? A black male born gay raised in a heterosexual home. Get that visual.

    1. Hmmm, these are all good points you raised. I'm not going to touch on that final question right now although it is also something men probably worry about too but perhaps not as much.

  15. As a married man with two daughters and a son all I can say is: stop the whining. Kids, sons or daughter will be who they are. A son can be as much a ho fo so as a daughter. So is it better because he's your boy? Get outta here with that. As far as marriage is concerned, don't do it unless you're ready and willing to understand that intrinsic beauty and grace will trump physical perfection everyday – in BOTH of you. The one of many major things I find as an issue between men and women is that they're so caught up in the euphoria and the stylings of relationship that they' tend to completely skirt over or excuse the SERIOUS character failings of who they're dating. So if you can't get THAT right, then don't make the world suffer your kids that will probably be raised with the same mental and character deficiencies.

    1. "As far as marriage is concerned, don't do it unless you're ready and willing to understand that intrinsic beauty and grace will trump physical perfection everyday – in BOTH of you."

      *waves church fan*

  16. WIM you're hilarious man! I have a 9yr old daughter and all I can say is its the best thing I've ever done.. Girls are the best. You'll get yours and see.

  17. I don't think I care if I have a boy or girl, because they'll have loving parents who do the best they can to raise them. I see your fears if you have a daughter and it seems like (idk if anyone mentioned it) if they have a son, the equally greatest fear is that he turns out to be a homosexual. Even if you're a supporting parent who's not homophobic, i hear guys would be upset for this outcome too. Then the argument becomes Ho Daughter vs. Homo Son. I hope I'm not offending anyone. Not my intention, just pointing out what I've seen and read from commentators like yourselves.

    But that Amber Cole situation has you scared, we get it. Don't rule out daughters.
    My recent post In Lust We Trust II

  18. LOL – well, you know the makeup of our household – 1 grown woman, twin baby girls and my husband. Can I tell you how many WOMEN come at me on some "so when are you going to give your husband a son?" mess?? The nurse who wheeled me up to Labor and Delivery asked me that, and I was still 3 hours from giving birth to our first two! #mywombhatesyou My plan is to move to a one bedroom apartment down the street on their 13th birthday. Hubby can swing through whenever he wants, but no teenage girls allowed, lol. Just kidding. Sorta.

    Here's the thing about girls though – they love, love LOVE their daddies! They are #TEAMDADDY. If you end up like my hubby, in a house full of estrogen trust you will be the most valued member of the household. And no matter the gender you do your best to bring them up right, they'll still do some ish to disappoint you, but you'll love them anyway. Just throw your coat over lil' Aquanetta when you see her emerge on stage with clear heels and tassles and hustle her out of the club. Y'all can talk it out at the diner around the corner.

    1. "Here's the thing about girls though – they love, love LOVE their daddies! They are #TEAMDADDY. If you end up like my hubby, in a house full of estrogen trust you will be the most valued member of the household. "

      Love Mom Dukez to death but if there's ANYTHING even Mom knows, it's that I loooovveeeee my dad! I'll always defend him when my mom picks useless fights with him and I'm always there for my pop pop. ALWAYS be a daddy's girl. I don't usually reply to comments but I saw this one and had to lay out the heaviest cosign ever. I'm a daddy's girl til I die. LOVE him.
      My recent post In Lust We Trust II

    2. My girl is a daddy's girl too. She'll terrorize me all day but when her daddy comes home, she's all like look at me curtsy. lol And my hubby is a girl's daddy too. Just the other day he was complaining about when she says hi to folks and they ignore her. He's like how can you ignore her? She's so cute and sweet. I'm like dude, you're a punk a$$ punk, I was saying the same thing about our boy a few years ago and you thought I was being soft.

      I'm digging your apartment idea though. I can see it now, I can paint the walls any color I want and won't anybody come in to borrow my shoes. And Aquanetta? Girl you a fool!

      1. Oh, so my girls aren't the only ones who do that? Act a straight monkey when it's just me, then Daddy comes upstairs/through the doors and it hugs, smiles and sloppy kisses. I swear, all the happy babbling is "dada" this, "dada" that. Then if they're crying at some point it's aaaaannnnnhhhhh…ma-ma.

    3. The part that kills me about the whole "when you gon' give that man some boys?" thing is that it's the man's contribution that determines what you get in the first place, HELLO!?!

      So the snarky answer is: whenever he decides he wants one.
      My recent post Journal Peek: Thank You

  19. I remember when i was younger me and my boys was chilling talking about girls and whatnot and my mother walked in. The awkward silence ensued and she looked at us and said, y'all are all gonna have daughters and left the room. She's 2/6 so far, the other 4 myself included are childless, so i'm still convinced i'm cursed.

    As for WIM's list.
    1. I would prefer a little Tristan, at least as the first born.

    2. I grew up with all women essentially so doing it again wouldn't be a big deal. If the ratio gets to 4-1 tho, i'm moving in a nephew, my father, a future NFL lineman someone

    3. My biggest goal would be to "keep my baby off the pole" (c) Chris Rock. However i wouldn't take it to the degree of worrying what woman i have released to the world. I've turned out enough good girls to know that sometimes ignorance is bliss. I could only imagine how some fathers would feel if they knew what Trizzy taught their daughters.

    4. Exactly how i feel. Boys you eventually gotta toughen up on so they dont end up crying at Suburu commercials. My daughter will always be my little princess. I can see myself spoiling her even when its painfully obvious i'm being exploited.
    My recent post ItzTrizz617: I said the same thing RT @bomani_jones the "crazy train" pilot commercial…they adopt that one kid or what?

    1. "i'm moving in a nephew, my father, a future NFL lineman someone"

      Lol!! @ the Blind Side reference there…comedy!

  20. If I have children, I would prefer boys. Two of them.

    Why? Boys make more money in the NBA than women do in the WNBA. They will be mommy's retirement plan.

    1. Especially if yo ass is really 6'5" and do u play in the WNBA? I will shed my internal angst of getting at a woman that's taller than me if u do.

      1. Lol. Yes, I'm really 6'5. No I don't play in the WNBA.

        ….Since you can't bring additional height to the table…what can you offer in terms of the children getting endorsements? -_-

        1. Why not?!?!?!??!

          Ummmm I got one helluva personality …. Whaddyasay?? Lol

          And if that doesn't work, ummm there's always football … Can u cook?

        2. Never really was my thing. I played because I was tall, and became good at it. It paid for what I need it to pay for, and that was it! Besides, life as a WNBA player is no where near as glamorous as it is for the men. Basketball is still a part of my life though.

          Yes I can cook….but I think I should be asking the questions 'round here since all you're offering is personality and already trying to make concessions for my unborn children to play football!!! -_-

        3. *ShrugLife Extraordinaire*

          The fact that ur tall as hell and i'm just average still doesn't change the dynamics of male to female interaction…Lol

  21. Your concerns is what is crippling society, while I think most males carry that fear about raising daughters its as if we throw caution to the wind if we are lucky enough to have boys… Now a days they need just as much if not more nurturing and fatherly love embedded in their spirit so they can be their own individual and stand on their own without being swayed by the falsities society spews about manhood.

    At a stage in their lives you have to be MORE cautious with boys than girls because atleast with girls you have their mom/your wife to instill that feminimity that they will need to be who God called them to be and avoid those pitfalls. But what happens if you are king machismo who lacks the balance needed to tell your son while crying isnt encouraged it may sometimes be needed under the right circumstances. Who will be there to let him know that being tender/compassionate/and kind doesnt make him a wuss/sissy.

    With so many men absent from the home physically, sometimes even mentally and definitely spiritually alot of times we are leaving our boys to fend for themselves through a forrest of uncertainty. Life is a balance and some how society has shown us that little girls are able to get that but boys struggle with it whether dad is around or not

    1. This right here. I don’t see why men wouldn’t be worried about having a young black male. Jail, dead or baby daddy with ganished check is way more possible than the pole. Do people think about this or just feel fear.

  22. If you asked me if I ever wanted to raise a daughter 5 years ago, the answer would've been HELL NAW. With that being said, I'd love to raise a daughter…Hmmmm, what changed you ask. Well a more keen sense of self happened. Of course, I want a son NO QUESTION that is a FCUKING given, but I need a daughter to hug, love, kiss on and just naturally cherish. I'll punch my son in the chest, trip him, do whatever to make him a strong, tough boy to man, but i can't physically love him the way I can my daughter.

    I'm an affectionate person, sue me!! She will take advantage of me (smh) … Sad story, but with that said thou shall not raise a future Sasha Grey (Google or Xvideos her) … No No No … Anyways, i'm mentally prepared.

    Plus THEEEEE worst thing a man can say is that "I pray I don't have any daughters" … You'll find yourself manning the easy bake oven in a purple or pink wallpapered room with Dora the Explorer playing in the background. Promise.

    1. "Plus THEEEEE worst thing a man can say is that "I pray I don't have any daughters" … You'll find yourself manning the easy bake oven in a purple or pink wallpapered room with Dora the Explorer playing in the background. Promise."

      I used to make my older brothers have tea parties with me, but I allowed them to bring their army men as guests… Trained them well for their daughters. lol
      My recent post War in me

      1. I use to make my younger brother play with my toys too! But he would put war paint on them and act like they were in the WWF. 0_o "MOMMY!! Look what he did to my kid sister!!!"

        That's why its so cute to see him with his daughter now (almost 2). Never imagined him softening up. He on his pink baby bag / pink everything swag.

    2. You know, I've taken enough Soc & Psych courses to know that I really shouldn't treat my boy(s) and girl(s) all that differently, but even as a (tomboy) big sister I was trying to make sure that my lil' brothers didn't develop into punks. I would straight up chastise them for anything I perceived to be sissyish. My youngest was/is the most affectionate out of all of us, but he's also evil, so at least no one is stupid enough to mess with him. That's my mom's baby, though. I'm going to have to figure out how to balance spoiling my baby boy(s) without having them mistaken for baby girls. They can't be getting rough treatment from both daddy and mommy.

      Just make sure your boy(s) don't resent the differential treatment, because that could be an issue.

    3. "Plus THEEEEE worst thing a man can say is that "I pray I don't have any daughters" … You'll find yourself manning the easy bake oven in a purple or pink wallpapered room with Dora the Explorer playing in the background. Promise."

      LOL. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. my biggest fear would be number 3. no one wants to be lawrence fishburne. if my daughter ever pulled a chippy d i'd be in jail for the rest of my life. i'm not too worried about the other 3 on your list. i still want just one daughter (and two sons).
    My recent post Holding It In

  24. Right now, as I've been saying, I'm just on my mini-tribe ish. I have 0 kids at the moment, but I want like 5. 3 boys and two girls.

    The boys I look forward to getting to know and as adults. I feel like I'm going to be so hard on them when they're coming up that they won't appreciate me till they're grown enough to see how I helped make them the men they eventually become. Maybe I won't be that tough on them… but, we damn sure ain't gonna be friends while they're still kids.

    The girls on the other hand, I look forward to their childhood. Not too many things on earth bring my heart more joy than little girls. (#NoSVU). Now, once they get to be like 13/14… yikes. I'm pretty much dreading everything about those years between 13 and whenever they get married. God help the man that hurts one of my babies.

    So yeah, I need everyone to pray that I have triplet boys – first – and then, like maybe a year and a half later, twin girls.
    My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

    1. "The boys I look forward to getting to know and as adults. I feel like I'm going to be so hard on them when they're coming up that they won't appreciate me till they're grown enough to see how I helped make them the men they eventually become. Maybe I won't be that tough on them… but, we damn sure ain't gonna be friends while they're still kids."

      This! Sorta. My pops and I have always been close but we have definitely gotten closer as I got older (same with my mother). They did a lot of things for me I didnt understand or couldnt appreciate when I was younger so I just thought they were being jerks when really they were raising me to be a grown and responsible man that can function and excel in society. Another thing that's strange, yet cool, is that my father and I have become more like friends instead of father/son. Obviously he'll always be my father but our conversations are on a whole other level now. It's like he (and my mom) have decided "we've done all we can do for you as a son now we're going to talk to you like a man."

      1. I like this. I pretty much feel the same way about my grandmother. I still don't understand some of the stuff that went down when I was a teen but I'm so glad that our relationship evolved this way. It's like having a friend you know you can trust without a shadow of a doubt.

  25. c/s I don't want a daughter. Like, I have absolutely no desire. Now of course, above all, I want my child to be healthy and I'd love he/she regardless. But girls…I'm good B. I have 2 nieces. If I need an estrogen fix, I'll take them for the weekend. I'd rather be a part of the team raising a girl than one of the "owners".

    #3 is definitely a concern of mine. But not as much as her being taken advantage of. Harmed. Raped. And yes, I know these type of things happen to boys too, however it hits close to home as I have a cousin who raped while on her way home from school. As a result, she became pregnant and now has a child.

    On a less serious note, I've always wanted 2 sons. My justification? I don't really have one. I just imagine myself shooting hoops w/ my sons…taking them to practice…reading with them…embarassing them in front of their friends as I tell them "Mommy loves you soooo much"…*shrugs* Not since I was a teenager have I had dreams of having a girl

    1. "raped while on her way home from school. As a result, she became pregnant and now has a child. "

      MAN that hurt my heart. Its like a real life Olivia Benson. How the hell can a teenage girl live through that?

      1. I don’t know man. Sh*t was crazy. My cousin didn’t tell my aunt either. My aunt came home from work one day and she had given birth in the bathroom at home. I remember that like it was yesterday. She’ll be 8 next year and my cousin 22. She was 14 when this happened.

        1. WOW…can't even imagine.

          I hope she was eventually able to get whatever assistance she needed to recover from that situation. Smh…

        2. Wow..that's horrible. I hope she's able to love her child without reservation based on her origin, and that she's managed to heal overtime.

        3. @cycnical and Naija

          thanks…its been tough for her and my aunt. My cousin def had a period of rebellion…so much anger inside. It was a struggle getting her to go to therapy. Things are much better now and my aunt gives her soooo much support. My little cousin (the baby) is doing well in school and is very much loved. I try to keep in touch w/ my cousin and give her guidance and let her know that her circumstances/situation doesn't have to define her life, ya know?

  26. LOL @ this post! I'm just not the Mom/nurturing type by nature. Yet, as the good Lord would have it, I have two boys. I asked for them…boys that is. And now that they're here, I'm like, "what in the ham sandwich was I thinking?!" They don't keep still. They fight all the time. All they wanna do is eat. The little one is fearless and injured on the regular basis. The oldest craves attention ALL THE TIME and, as an only child, the last thing I want is someone hanging around my neck from sunrise to sunset, smh. I wish I had a calm, independent girl. The mere thought of the boys amount of activity makes me wanna take a nap right now, LOL. LAWD! Now, it's basketball season…practice, games…

    I shoulda prayed for girls, lol. I remember just chilling with my parents. Playing structured games…speaking with my inside voice…no injuries…no interest in team sports. Just give me a TV, a journal, a phone, access to cereal whenever I want, let me go sing around the city with these groups, and I'm GOOD.

    You can coast with girls. Boys need to do too much, lol. I'm tired…

    1. LOL i just saw this post. yep, that's pretty much what i was saying… but i look at it kinda differently, i think girls are kinda boring. i like it when the neighbors kids come over, they have so much energy. fun!

      1. Is he an only child so far? We, only's, are always perfect, LOL… She can't be that bad, Mika, lol…

        I was told just a few minutes ago that not all girls are as easy as I make them sound. But, I still think the majority are pretty easy…

  27. I have thougth long and hard about this. ….
    I am seriously going to raise my daughter to be a lesbian. I know that doesn't sound right, but atleast I can go to bed at night without worrying about my daughter getting drilled by Wesly Pipes on camera. Plus she would have a better chance of making the WNBA if she eats carpet. I really think the more of myself I put into my daughter the less I have to worry about problems 1-4. I'm less concerned with putting her on the right track and more concerned about giving her the knowledge to decide her right track. There is a difference with raising a girl who is comfortable with her chex life and raising Amber Cole. If my daughter does do something with her body, I just want her to be fully aware of the impact. I can't have my daughter saying "O my god. I can't believe the whole school is talking about me." No sweetheart, know better in advance.

    1. "Plus she would have a better chance of making the WNBA if she eats carpet."

      This made me LOL.

      There are quite a few women in recent years who were drafted in the first round and aren't lesbian. I think the tide has turned and more "girly girls" or just feminine girls in general are picking up the sport…at least that's what I've witnessed playing (and now coaching). There are a few girls in the league now that I hosted during a recruiting visit one Summer that could easily be dubbed 'ho fo sho'.

      But this post isn't about that so I digress…..funny comment anyway!

  28. i look forward to having kids. i just love them…. they are so cute and funny, and they can be so insightful sometimes… i look forward to the day when i can have my own. i used to want lots, but then i looked at the pace that these college tuitions are rising, the amt i have in student loans, and the fact that i'm probably going to want to retire extra extra early (lol), and i thought better. I think i want around 3.

    no preference btwn boys and girls, i just want a mix. my parents had all girls and i feel like that gets boring after awhile. boys are really rambunctious and like big noises and lots of activity. little girls are cute and fun to talk with, but they can be a little boring.

    1. As tired as I am, I could use a little boring right about now. I appreciate boring, lol.

      IF I have anymore, it needs to be a girl. If not, iono what imma do…smh… *hand to forehead*

      And cleaning the toilet after little boys is THE WORSE. Aim for the water! How hard is that, I mean really…

  29. "They don't keep still. They fight all the time. All they wanna do is eat. The little one is fearless and injured on the regular basis."

    Girl I understand!! I have two boys too and everytime they come in from playing I just hope they didnt break something (I mean that in all kinds of ways)

    1. Girl, LOL… The 7 year-old spilled apple juice on my Macbook Pro the other day. -_- Thank GOD Steve Jobs' design somehow kept the juice from really seeping through the keys. It would've ruined his savings account…cause he woulda bought me another one…shoot. "Sorry Mom" is thee most popular phrase in my world, lol.

      Monday night, between the hours of 7-9pm, the 4 year-old ate…in this order…an ice cream sandwich (look…I was still cooking and he kept begging, lol), stir fry (dinner portion), a bowl of Fruit Loops, and a cup of yogurt…after I refused to refill the bowl of Fruit Loops or give him another ice cream sandwich (the options HE gave me).

  30. I would LOVE to have a boy first. As the youngest of three and the only female, I have witnessed the love that has stemmed from my father to my brothers and lastly on to me. To this day, I feel as if I am one of the most protected females since there was not a man who I would try to date that my brothers and my father didn't approach with the "you look like a good man, and she's a good girl………" routine.

    Now on being emotional, I can say that it took the 3 men just to balance out the 2 women in the house. Having daughters is tough, and as woman I can attest that we go through our share of emotional moments(not to say that men have it easy in life) and that we rarely miss a chance to voice out our frustrations in the form of emotional cries, outburts, etc. That is why the men in my family were raised to deal with this type of behavior and I hope to teach my son(s) to do the same. My only worry is the type of women that they will be dating. In other words, i'll be subtle: "My son, why would you bring home a [garden tool] if you have no garden?"

    1. In my household, my mom and I are the more emotionally balanced beings, and I'm not just being biased. My Dad & bro have calmed down over the years, but they were more prone to outbursts of anger and other displays of emotion (sans tears). My mom and I are also the ones who're most likely to want time to ourselves with no outside interruption.

  31. I know a few families with 4 girls. My friends are twin girls and they have two other sisters. All stunners. The oldest was a model for a while. Their dad is a big intense cop, he makes sure to intimidate all the suitors but I still feel for him.
    My HS’s football coach had two daughters and kept trying for a son. Ended up with four little girls. I really felt for him. He would be the perfect football dad for his sons.

    In the end all you can ask for is healthy kids. And there are numerous studies about the affects of a girl having her father present in the house and her self-esteem and even the rate that she matures physically.

  32. first. this post is hilarious. and sweet. aww.

    secondly, you better stop saying that. apparently it worked in opposite for my dad. he wanted two sons and ended up with two daughters. after that he was afraid to even try again. lmbooo. lucky for him, i was a daddy's little girl, but i was a tomboy to heart. if you've ever seen Kickass, i was like that little girl. i learned way too much about guns and Scarface and how to change oil and tires, all that. i also learned a lot about men, because even my father sugar coating is crass, so… lol. he's still very very protective of me and still calls me his "baby."

    because he never got sons though, he takes a liking to boyfriends i've introduced him to relatively soon and if it's longterm, treats them like a son, which is cool. i think you'll change your mind as soon as she's born. lol

    reading this post juxtaposed with Most's is so interesting. i'm into psychology and the reasons behind why people think how they do, and i find it interesting the men who say they want daughters, and those who don't. i should do a twitter poll or something. lol

    i want twin boys and then a girl. but i'm not so sure if that will happen. sigh.
    My recent post Sliding Doors: Part VIII

  33. The gender of the child doesn't bother me in the slightest. I could have either or both and be fine. I just hope my child isn't stupid. That's all that I ask for.

    1. They'll do stupid things though, which is equally annoying, lmbo…smh. Kid logic makes no sense whatsoever…

  34. My parents have 5 children, 4 of which are girls. lol. My father loves us, and to a certain extent, we were all raised kinda tomboyish. We all love sports, we played sports, and can talk about sports. And I'm the only girl drinker, so I can throw back a beer with him every now then (though he shouldn't be drinking so I try to keep him away from them as much as I can). But I know he loves it when my brother comes to visit. Finally, another man in the house. lol. However, I don't think he would change the current makeup for anything in the world. He worries a lot about us, and still tries to run sh*t, lol, but he loves it.

    My recent post My Love Is Like…

  35. (2/2)
    As for me, I want a 1to1 split. Whether it be 2 kids, or 4 kids, I want the same amount of boys to girls. But honestly, it wouldn't matter. Both come with their own set of unique and scary issues/problems. Trying to raise a boy in a society that tells him its cool to stick his weewee in chicks soon and often, and then trying to help my daughter understand why someone would call her out her name because she has a vagina. And lord help her when she starts to develop. I remember the first time I was called a b*tch and a h0, by a grown man at that, and that wasn't a fun time for me, especially because I was young. Developing physically as a woman.. sigh. Men really do suck sometmes. lol.

    Anyway, Lord, just give me healthy babies. Amen.
    My recent post My Love Is Like…

    1. "Anyway, Lord, just give me healthy babies. Amen"

      that is something to stress about. Every time I see a special need child I worry about what I am going to produce. I always get scared when I hear those 1 out of "Number" will have Downs syndrome/autism/lupus/ect. But my cousin is autistic and I swear he has more of a social life than I do, living in one of those homes. Girlfriend. Good job.

      1. I'll be honest, I do not know if I'm emotionally equipped to raise a child with Downs Syndrome. So a healthy child always weighs heavily on my mind.

  36. I only want ONE girl mainly because of #2. MY sanity will be tested as well in a household where I have to deal with raising more than one daughter. Not a good look. But, most women want at least one mini-me, probably the same reason why you want a son. BUT one girl is absolutely enough!
    My recent post Don’t hate me because I can eat donuts

  37. Nobody scared of your boy getting caught up with the wrong crowd and losing his freedom or his life? This is why I wouldn’t want a boy. He can be in the wrong place at the wrong time and boom. In the wrong car with drugs in it. In the wrong bar when a fight breaks out. All thst manly bravado ya’ll want to instill can make your kid stay when he should run. Talk big when he should shut up. Sure, you can train him well, but being a Black male today? Idk, plus society can undo your teaching. It encourages dangerous behavior. At least with girls, society backs up your desire to repress her sexuality.

  38. I was waiting for this post! I am in complete agreement with every point that you made. I believe your last paragraph summed up not only your feelings about having a daughter, but mine as well.

    "Honestly, if I have kids, boys or girls, I will be satisfied if they are healthy and I will do my best to keep them happy. But, if it were up to me, I would be perfectly content raising a son or 300 Spartan sons before I would take on the task of raising one daughter" – Truer words have never been spoken.

    Personally, I just think having a daughter is so much more of a gamble. Don't get me wrong, I understand there are plenty of ways to go wrong raising a son too. I just feel like if I had a daughter my life's purpose would change the moment she was conceived. From that day forward nothing else would matter to me besides being the best father I could be and keeping her from becoming a statistic or a natural disaster. On top of that, I would have to prepare myself for anything crazy I may have to do if someone disrespected her or treated her in a way that I won't accept for a second. Not to mention the strength and patience I would need to deal with not only her, but my wife as well. Talk about a challenge.

    Raising a boy or a girl would be a joy, but it's just something about having a daughter that just frankly scares the crap out of me. It would definitely be the most difficult test I would ever have to take. And passing with flying colors would be the ONLY option.

    I can't even begin to imagine how life is for a father with multiple daughters and no sons. All I can do is pray that God grants them the strength needed to pass all of those tests. Also, I love that commercial. It's touching and clearly reflects how a father will always view his 'little girl'.
    My recent post I Wish…(Week 2)

  39. I definitely want kids. I look forward to it because I feel confident and very prepared to be a parent. When I was a teen/younger adult. I saw early on through my mom's single parent experience raising me and my brother that parenting can be challenging. Many of my friends and family (male and female) married young (early 20's) and had kids young. They told me to wait. They were overwhelmed and put fear in my heart, lol! I was terrified of marriage and kids. What has helped me overcome this is working with kids through various teaching and volunteer situations. You will be surprised at what it brings out in you. You'll find out qualities you have within you that are brought out through this kind of inneraction that don't surface in any other scenario. You can read about it or observe it, but something about participating in the lives of kids is on another level.

  40. WIM, as a woman I am so scared to have girls for all the reasons you mentioned and more. I have a son and I want 4 or 5 more boys. NO girls. I have a niece and she is my little princess but thank God I can take her back to her mama whenever I'm ready. Children are a blessing, and as you know; what matters is that theyre healthy. I feel so blessed to have a son and a niece who are 3months apart and….healthy.
    My recent post MikasThoughts: I probably should be listening though.

  41. PS
    I used to want sons and was uncertain about my ability to raise a girl. I had some terror teen moments. I tested my mom. The thought of reenacting this as a parent to a girl …check please, lol. I'm over that fear. Being an involved aunty to my nieces and working with teen boys and girls in a mentoring program helped me get over that. I welcome sons and daughters.

  42. I really adore this post. But I think if you have a girl WIM you'll be just fine.
    My family is so waiting for me to get married and have kids. I'd like boys also – grew up in a house with 3 sisters – even the dog was female. We drove my dad bananas
    So I'm hoping God blesses me with boys – twin boys even :o)

  43. Misery,

    Interesting and thought provoking post. Honestly I’ve seen most people get exactly what they desire as far as the sex of their children…but unfortunately the reality is this is one of those things that is beyond your control.

    Think of it like this…if God decides to bless you with a healthy daughter…(she may be gay) lol …so you don’t have to worry about all the big bad man dogs she may have to deal with…lol

    Or in raising and teaching her you will learn some very important lessons God may want you to learn.

    Question though…would you rather have a healthy physically perfect daughter, or a very sickly handicapped or deformed son.???

    1. Well, that's an easy question to answer…. very sickly, handicapped and deformed son.

      I kid, I kid. Daughter. As I said, first and foremost, I want a healthy child of either sex.

  44. Very interesting and thought provoking post Misery.
    Most folks I know actually do get what they want as far as the sex of their children.
    But if you do get a daughter maybe she will grow up to be gay and you won't have to worry about dealing with men issues with her…lol.
    Good luck….*smile*

  45. I enjoyed your article, I found it to be truthful and amusing. As for me, I'm the mother of twin boys. When I was carrying them, I always said the politically correct statement " It doesn't matter what the sex is as long as their healthy". However, secretly on the inside I PRAYED, WISHED and HOPED for boys, lol. I have two older brothers and I'm the only girl in my family. I wasn't a terrible daughter or sister but I did give my mom a run for her money. I describe my attitude growing up as one of "Quiet Defiance" because my mom was old school, meaning there was no talking back allowed. I being stubborn, proud and mildly obnoxious, exhibited my quite defiance on a regular basis. I know my mother had to pull on every piece of self-control she had inside her on many occasions and that prevented her from knocking my head off. To this day, our relationship is cordial at best. I just knew that with my personality type, having a daughter would not be a good mix in my household with me as the parent. My boys and I have a great relationship. My sons are 14 and we talk about a lot of things. I'm loving towards them but I'm still tough because I want them to become MEN and not momma's boys.

  46. My Dad had 4 reasons he didn't want a daughter as well. Now he technically doesn't, as the emotional distance between us due to me being the undesirable gender has caused us to become estranged. It drives him crazy every day how much he regrets not appreciating me or his reluctance to bond with me because I wasn't a boy. Funny thing is he would've had a very easy time raising me, as we had much more shared traits and interests whereas my brother was a mini version of my Dad. Keep telling yourself you don't want a daughter and you'll be right on the same track of loneliness he's on =).

  47. I'm a girl and I have one son and anther one on the way. I have never been the girly type… i'm more of a tomboy and like guys company.. and certain girls. So I'm more than happy to have two sons over say, two or more daughters! Anytime!

    1. Yeah but you're just doing a variation on "boys are easier", which is bull. Congrats on the sprogs, I guess. I don't envy you at all though. I might have me some girls, but NEVER boys. Not in the patriarchy. And "being girly"…gag. No one should ever do that. Girliness is a joke on women.

  48. I am a Black woman…i.e. a Black man's daughter. This makes me want to kill myself. I was a vagina on a sonagram. What is comes down to is Black men fearing their daughters' sexuality, fearing that others will view their daughter as a sex object while they cannot. A daughter automatically becomes a ho? Boys and girls will eventually become sexual but why do you have to 'picture her getting drilled' but high five him when he drills somebody else's daughter? This screams unconscious incest. Why would she become a stripper? Where are you raising her a crack house! She'll probly just major in communications at community college and work at a bank. All you think of is women are sex horses and having a daughter would be your 'property' is a sex horse. Why don't you teach your precious SONS not to goad girls into sexting or not to steal kisses and dry hump in elementary school…I am a teacher. Boys are naturally hyper-sexual at a young age and it's male sexuality that you should be worried about!! Future frat boy rapist sons are fine though huh? My dad brushed my hair, taught me to fish, pulled my loose teeth, drove me to ballet, built wooden forts with me, gifted me a sword, and bought me a pink bike with streamers and a white basket and taught me how to ride it. I was not a 'Daddy's girl' or a tomboy or a girly girl. I was a daughter.

    1. YES. You are so right. Men are very, very sick in the head and it shows here.

      I will NEVER raise a boy. No one could pay me enough.

      You know what? Men come to me knowing I'm RadFem asking for help because their daughters are coming of age in rape culture. I tell them: It's too late moron. They way you've always treated women? Your daughter will now get that from males. There is no way to stop it. It's all around. FACT. If you want to help your very own speshul speshul DNA-carrier, you have to fight for ALL WOMEN'S LIB. You don't live in a vacuum where you can just wall off your own human female property from dudes who act *just like you always have toward women*.

      "Besides," I tell the stupid dudes, "me and your daughter are already friends on Tumblr!"

      Women are in charge of reproduction and men can eat it!

      Sorry not sorry.

  49. For anyone who didnt' know, this article is blowback at a movement. The movement is for all women of childbearing age to either let themselves off the hook entirely for having children (birth strike) or to sway for only girl babies. I am a woman doing exactly that.

    We live in a patriarchy where boys are taught to hate all females, specially mom. Then the dude grows up to commit statistically male crimes like school shootings and serial murder. Guess who gets blamed. MOM. No reason for a woman to fuck her own odds by having boys.

    Boys are not naturally more sexual. They're KIDS. But boys are easily programmable for violence and rape. We live in a rape culture because of this.

    Further, birth strike or male baby strike is the fastest way to end the war on women. Rillyrilly. There are 60 mil females gone from the face of the earth due to gynocide and trafficking. And when we look at societies with more males than females, we see nasty, ugly symptoms.

    To conclude, men like our author here can insist and insist and insist all they want. But women are the arbiters of life. Women have reproductive right and men do not. That's just the way it is. If men are jealous of this power women have, then they should cry to Nature, not women. We're not the ones who gave you the less capable body. Sorry not sorry.

    1. Who do you think you are, women are weak and tiny. You get to suffer everyday from mental stress and grief as it ages you quickly until your nothing but a shadow. Being able to reproduce doesn't make you better, it makes you like a simple tool we need to use, because where do the children come from, Us that's who. We are the engineers that construct most of what that child will look like, and you are the egg that holds and grows it and you're the ones who suffer when its ready to hatch. As for the war and rape, first of all women can't rape without adding something with a belt. and second the world needs violence or we are nothing but robots living a joke of a world. If there were no violence there wouldn't be politicians, judge, jury, jailers and jails. Also if that world was a reality you would be driven insane and everybody would be a bunch of singing, dancing reflections because everybody is the same, but that again that would probably lead to starting violence again. So you can't rid of violence you can only stay in between peace and violence for they are nothing without each other. Peace without violence will eventually start violence again.

    2. Violence without peace will just bring war that eventually leads to the selfish winner's version of peace, which also will lead to violence again if not everybody agrees with the system. Women are nothing without men just like the other way around we are all put here to connect both Literally and figuratively, physically and mentally so we can create what we create together, and if you don't like what you create then its just your fault for creating it in the first place. So enchilada your just looking at it the wrong way and can't handle the truth because you think women are better they are not. We are equal in most forms but still if you say that to the wrong man he might just kick your ass.

    3. Sorry but I have worked with children for a very long time. Kids are not these tiny sexless angles. They go through stages of curiosity and exploration with their own bodies and each other at a very tender age. This is natural but must be culturally guided because people are ruthless when left to their own devices. Their lives are filled with nudity and touch and not in a bad way with parents bathing them, changing them, breast feeding them, hugs, kisses, sunggles. Would it be so far fetched for them to imitate these actions on one another? Children are born of sex to begin with. Boys, however, are hypersexual in my opinion which stems from their naturally domineering natures and physical strength and impulses. Unfortunately, men misconstrue this as 'leadership' qualities which is far from the truth as history has shown over and over. Stealing kisses, dry humping, touching, and mounting or little girls who often have no reaction or just walk off. I was at a museum once and saw a sister lying on the bench face down and the brother had his head in her butt and then mounted her…with the mother sitting right there.

      Little boys need to be taught early about consent and respect. About asking permission and waiting. About having patience and self-control. Most little girls will imitate adult life such as mothering, cooking, shopping, working, gardening while boys imitate adult behaviour such as sex and violence.

  50. This is the reason sexism still exists in our culture. Not wanting a daughter because you are afraid she will be a "ho" (why the hell would you even think about something like this?) or be "too emotional" makes you an @$$ hole. The idiot who said that having a boy first is like "winning in Vegas" and something along the lines of having a girl isn't nearly as big of a deal is even worse. Ugh.

    1. I read most of the comments here, and I understnad the meaning that people are entitled to their opinion, but yours are the only one that actually resonate with me. It’s the only one that actually make sense in the society that people are so used to live in and contribute to. Most of the people here just said their fear for their daughters’ safety outweights everything else she might need to strife for in order to become a normal productive member of society. They’re also afraid that she’ll become a ho and that be’ll bad reputatation for the family and it’ll be karma coming back to bite you in the ass for how bad you’e treated women before. Then there’re some tomboyish women who wanted sons because they can bond better with males and girls can be just too girly. And there’re those who are the only daughter and need the affirmation from the men in her life for her self-worth. I do see some people here admitting that if men are raised in the wrong way, they will become troublemakers and might even commit crimes and do things that might make you blame yourself for why you want a son in the first place. But, the majority here seemed to agree on the sterotypical assumptions that “boys are easier to raise” and “it’s better to either have only them or have more of them than girls”. This is just contradicting. To the men and women here who can only imagine their daughters as ho and hormone-driven crazy teens, I want you to ask yourselves have you only been with these people or were you these people yourself in some point of your life. If you’re not then you should understand every individual is different and, if given the chances and opportunities, all children will probably turn out in the way you least expexted. I believe that being able to wish, pray, or yearn for a certain gender for your children is a luxury, because trying to raise and understand the ones you have is the real hardwork. Then, as usual, we got some women hater and men hater somewhere there. All I’m saying is that to have all boys, all girls, more boys than girls and vice versa is never the end of the world. Though some may beg to differ as it’s the end of their world. But making your own children miserable becuase of their gender, the one you give them, is just disgusting. You’re acually affecting more of their life, and the lives of the people they’ll befriend and fall in love with, than you can ever imagining.

  51. I am a mother of sons & I believe God gave me what would have survived in my house. I don’t have a good relationship with women. The men in my family are more helpful & understanding. My husband had always wanted a girl to protect, but he’s never been in a house full of women. Children are a blessing, no matter what’s the gender, but I’m so glad that God blessed me with men. All I’m responsible for is making sure that they make great husbands to their future wives. I want to be able to say that I was that woman who helped raise those leaders.


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