I swear I wasn’t looking for trouble…
It was Sunday, and I was recovering from the community service I performed from the prior evening, helping young women mitigate the cost of heir higher education. I checked on Twitter to see what the morning conversation was about. I saw a young lady’s tweet appear across my timeline that took me aback and gave me pause. She said the following:
“I didn’t realize it was that many people over 30 with no kids & not married… Y’all losing and I’m sorry to say it.”
There are so many things wrong with this statement that I had a hard time responding to her directly. The bored and playful Streetz wanted to turn her mentions into Chernobyl. The intellectual [name redacted] wanted to really pick her brain and understand where she was coming from, while giving my own perspective on her comment. I won’t go into the crux of the conversation, you can check out my twitter feed search Streetztalk 30 you should find it. Although she made the statement blanket for both men and women, in subsequent comments, she singled out women. So let me speak from that perspective.
First of all, this isn’t the 1920’s anymore. I would like to think that women aspire for more than just a family and kids in 2011. To say that women 30+ with no kids or spouses are losing, means that marriage and kids are the end all be all for a women’s happiness. This thought process is both antiquated and chauvinistic. How many women do we know who are career women? Those career opportunities were few and far between a century ago, so naturally women were all expected to be homemakers. In this century, women have more than housewife dreams (in general). They are leading corporate America, graduating from college at a way higher clip than men (and black graduation rates between men and women are even worse), and are happy contrary to popular belief. of course, culturally, they will feel the normal pressure of the holiday dinner interrogations about when they will be married, but God forbid we
stop touting the “many problems” that women have without looking at the big picture.
Thought processes which state that women are lonely without marriage or kids, is one of the reason why we have so many single moms, deadbeat dads, and failed marriages in this country! I’ve said countless times that too many people marry and have kids because it projects a false sense of happiness and stability. I’m all for marriage, and hope to have Young Streetzies myself one day, but I won’t do either because I’m “lonely” and a “loser”. I’ll do both when the time is right. How many women do we know who stay with a bum ass dude because “she loves him” or “she’s hoping he’ll act right one day”. They will even take a ring from a man whom they know aint sh*t, just because they feel pressure of their age and time slipping away. just because a cheating, lying, or abusive dude pops the question, doesn’t mean that he still won’t have chicks poppin their coochie for him after the wedding too! How many times have we heard “trap stories” about women who purposely get pregnant to keep a man? I think time has taught us that this never works. I don’t care if things are bad dating wise, and you feel lonely, just getting with someone for the sake of, is ridiculous. With all of our technological advances, and people living longer, the pressure of meeting those social requirements aren’t as strong. They are only amplified by those people who are lacking something in their lives and filling that void with marriage and children.
People measure happiness many different ways. being married and having kids is definitely one of them. I have a problem when you quantify another person’s happiness by their relationship status, based off of your own. The woman who sent that tweet was 27 with a kid and her dude just popped the question (which is why she was probably so hyped). She explained that she had a lot going for her, and wasn’t just desperate for marriage. that’s cool, but I could also argue that it’s mad lonely to tweet things like that, because obviously she felt a certain way prior to her man’s proposal. What if that marriage doesn’t work out? Does that mean that she is a failure or prove a sense of loneliness on her part?
I have my days when I’m down, and I question my successes and failures. That doesn’t make me lonely. That makes me HUMAN! let’s be careful how we measure happiness. When you try to manufacture happiness through marriage and children, you are doing nothing more than putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. Be happy if those aspects of your life are flourishing, but don’t exhibit hubris by inferring that if others haven’t experiences your happiness by 30, than they lost. Oprah isn’t married or with kids, is she really losing? Please…
Discuss at your leisure,