Earlier this week, CNN hosted an article from Parenting.com called Why We Get Mad at Our Husbands. After reading the title, I hoped to find insight on why women get upset with men and steps I could take to avoid the wrath of my future wife. I had no such luck. Instead, I reached the end of the article confused and agitated. Based on a nationally representative sample of 1,000 mothers, I learned women dislike men for not being women. You can access the full article from the hyper-link above but I will highlight a few excerpts for today’s discussion.
Before we begin, let me establish parameters: I’m not married. I don’t have kids. I’m a man. I am not a woman. Therefore, I may be ignorant, biased or both on some of the topics broached in the article. Furthermore, we have word limits here. I can by no means cover the entire article. Below are my opinions on select stats but I welcome debate on the full article…
46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. About half of the moms describe their anger as intense but passing; 1 in 10 say it’s “deep and long-lasting.”
Many moms — 44 percent — are peeved that dads often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids. We hate that we have to tell them what needs to be done.
This is scary. Almost half of women are “irate” with their husbands once a week? I can’t remember the last time I was irate this year. This relates to the timeless “you should know what I’m thinking” mindset a number of women – many of them falling into this category I’m sure – seem to genuinely believe. Breaking news: Men don’t read minds. Try telling us what’s bothering you. Yes, every time.
40% are also angry that their husbands seem clueless about the best way to take care of kids.
40% of moms are mad that Dad can’t multitask.
“He said that’s my job,” she says. “Since we’ve been married, he has cooked twice that I can remember. He doesn’t know how to operate the dishwasher. He’s never vacuumed.”
33% of moms say their husbands aren’t shouldering equal responsibility and are less concerned than they are about their children’s basic needs, like nutrition and clothing. What these moms wish: that their husbands acted more like partners — especially when it comes to the nitty-gritty.
“I cannot remember once — not once — that my husband bought fresh fruit or vegetables, let alone prepared them, for our three children. Now that I think of it, I don’t think he’s ever spontaneously bought any frozen vegetables, either.”
I found this section ridiculously subjective. “The best way to take care of kids” Who knows that? Women, I assume. Further, the two quotes from the women in the story indicate they married men who didn’t cook or eat vegetables and then expected them to magically change into men who would cook for and feed their children vegetables. Is it reasonable? Yes. Are the odds in your favor? No.
I’m reminded of the infamous Albert Einstein quote: Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
Nearly one third of moms complain that parenthood has changed their lives more than their husbands’.
It’s no wonder that more than one in four moms feels like she spends more mental energy on parenting than dads do.
One thing that can complicate it is the different ways some moms and dads choose to spend their time. Moms tend not to let themselves slack off when there are chores to be done.
“I used to think he did it on purpose and it would make me much angrier,” she says. “Now, I think it doesn’t dawn on him. Guys are just better at compartmentalizing.”
I will admit the first quote is likely true but I’m not sure this is men’s fault. Maybe you feel differently. The next two statements are, again, subjective. Let me get this straight, women are mad at men because, as the final quote accurately summarizes, “guys are just better at compartmentalizing”? Or as someone on Twitter pointed out, many of the issues women find major men find trivial. This doesn’t make either right or wrong, it simply means we think differently. I guess this is no longer allowed in 2011.
The ones we also really need to talk to, however, are our husbands. The fact that so many moms are mad, and that so many of the complaints are similar, is significant. And maybe that can give all of us moms — who love our husbands but wish they’d just be…more like us — the push to make some changes, to delegate more and demand more for ourselves.
Why We Get Mad At Our Wives: The entire article could be summarized using only this paragraph. As a man who looks forward to being married one day, it’s scary to think that my wife-to-be may sit around harboring so much internal anger towards me on issues I’m completely unaware of because – and Lord please forgive me – I do not think, act, clean, read her mind and raise kids exactly like her. I didn’t know marriage and raising kids is a competition. Even if it was it’s less telling to compare mothers to fathers than it is to compare mothers to mothers and fathers to fathers. This is not to dismiss the plight of women, which I know exist, but it is to say your ass is not perfect.
More importantly, I would venture to say the average husband does not sit around thinking of ways to make your life miserable. In fact, he likely wants to make you happy. Your happiness makes his life more bearable and easy; two things men really like. If you disagree, then I have a simple question for you: why did you marry and/or have kids by this man? But, I’m sure the fact that you married a man who, unlike you, is not perfect is his fault and naturally, this makes you angry.
I turn it over to you now.
Married, single, kid and kid-less men and women alike, what do you think of the statistics presented in the CNN article? Can you relate? Are these women rightfully mad? Is it the men’s fault? What should one or both partners do to better address the issues covered above?