Not included on this list: "I would never date a white girl."

In my former life, you could have expected a post called, “5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Women.”  They way I’m feeling these days, eh… you may see that post one day, but it doesn’t really interest me, probably would have only written it for your entertainment.  (This is an example of seeing the change in Dr. J, congratulate it, or he’ll think it’s pointless.)

Check out today’s mix from @CarverTheGreat, it’s called William Leonard Roberts, and it’s a nicely put together mix of Rick Ross tracks.  A tracklist can be found below, but download it here, or stream below:

Honestly, I don’t get upset when women make statements that I don’t agree with, or that I think are false.  I get upset when I’m listening to a woman explain something to me about her man and I’m caught between laughter and blurting out, “That fool is lying!”  Even in my own conversations with men, I find myself looking across the table with my best Bill Duke expression thinking, “This fool is full of ish.”

Me: I find myself troubled when I look at pictures of Rosa Acosta.
Him: She seem bad, but if you had money you would probably think different.
Me: I don’t have money though.
Him: She doesn’t do it for me, she comes across as ghetto.
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about, you would wife down Rosa if she gave you two seconds before she went to the ladies’ room.
Him: Nah, I would never wife a girl down like that.  That’s not wifey material right there.
Me: [Thinks to himself, “Negro I’ve seen who you date and I know that your standards are way lower than you’re proclaiming right now. Rosa Acosta would easily be the most attractive women you’ve ever dated in your life and you can go head with all that bullsh*t.”]

I’m well aware that the mention of the name, “Rosa Acosta” leaves a sour taste in a lot of women’s mouths.  If the way men gush over Rosa bothers you, make this list “Six things…” and make that the sixth thing you can take with a grain of salt from a man.  If not, let’s move on to my list.

  1. They don’t like implants. – I can’t count the amount of conversations that I’ve had with men and women where men claim that they don’t find implants or plastic surgery attractive.  I think it was the big homie who said, “Natural breasts or Fake breasts? Trick question, the answer is breasts.”  That’s actually the gospel brought to your front door by Wisdom Is Misery and it’s true.  Men might claim to think that but when it comes down to it, they don’t mean that.  If non-matching panties don’t ruin the mood, then ass shots don’t either.  Seriously, stop and think for a moment of what a dude would do forced with the decision to take something down and his thought process was inundated with, “I’m not sure how I feel about ass shots.”
  2. They mind if you got a sex tape. – Recently, video vixen and model Suelyn Medeiros released a sex tape.  I’ll just speak for myself, it had no effect on how I view her.  In fact, it only made my slight obsession a little worse.  It could be Suelyn or Kim Kardashian, it doesn’t matter, that tape doesn’t have anything to do with a man’s decision.  Of course, he’ll tell you that he wouldn’t date a girl like that, but that’s because he doesn’t want you thinking that he’s attracted to high-end women with no class.  But in the words of the late great Patrice O’Neal, “Be a dirty filthy whore.”  Do you really think it matters that she has a sex tape?  I got a friend who was using his girl’s laptop and came across a folder with the title, “[Her ex’s name] Pictures.”  He clicked on it and it was a video in there of some dude and his girl doing a Mr. Marcus & Karrine Steffens impersonation.  He watched the whole thing and never told his girl he found it.  Anytime she didn’t want to put out, he knew he could just watch that video.
  3. Their credit is above 800. – Men like to boast about their credit score because women want to know their credit score.  In reality, “I got a couple past due bills I won’t get specific.”  I’ll keep it 100 and funky, it’s almost impossible to get it above 800 unless you’ve never made a mistake in your life.  Raise your hand if you had roommates in college or in early adulthood that may have left you ass’ed out on a couple utility bills?  Raise your hand if you ever had a “I just ain’t got it” moment in your life?  Raise your hand if you carry a 30-day past due balance on your cell phone bill because you know that on the 31st day is when they turn it off?  Yeah, 1x is the death of persona.  Raise your hand if you won’t pay your rent until the 10th this month?  Christmas and New Year’s threatening the entire month of January’s bills?  800 credit score, my arse.
  4. They want a supermodel.“I mean I’m not being picky, She don’t even have to a big ol’ ass you know, Just something well proportioned to her body, You know a nice little tail you know.” – Andre 3000.  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  There are only a few men out there who really want to date a supermodel, I can’t find them.  Next time you are at a nightclub or strip club, let me know if you see any men in awe over the super tall and skinny women in there.  Nope, not going to happen.  Men want something they can reach out and grab, it’s like Toys R Us, we like grabbing the toy and touching to see how it works.  En Vogue had it right.  Put down the fruit bowl, and pick up a bowl of ice cream.

    In the middle of authoring this post, I had an epiphany.  Thought i’d share it with you today.  I always thought that sex for a man was completely unfair because you have to focus on NOT doing something.  That’s just horribly frustrating.  Well, I imagine that for women trying to have TNA without ever getting to the point of fat, has got to be the female equivalent.

  5. They don’t cheat. – Asking a man if he’s ever cheated is like asking a woman how many men she’s slept with.  You have to ask the question several times and multiple ways to get a straight answer out of her.  “Have you ever slept with another woman while you had another woman who was referring to you as her boyfriend?  Wait, do you think that having sex outside of your relationship whether meaningful or not is considered cheating?  Man, just give me your definition of cheating so I can understand your answers.”  Some of the greatest men to ever walk this planet happened to have some faults and cheated once or twice.  It happens, the men will keep this to ourselves and you young ladies keep your real body counts to yourselves too.
See Also:  Your Friend is Cheating?

Every man who says one of these statements is not lying, but if someone held a gun to your head and asked you to bet your life on it, “Always pick, “He’s lying!””  This list isn’t all inclusive, so if you have a few others that you would like to add feel free to list them below in the comments.  I took a handful of the most popular ones that drive me crazy, I’m sure you’ve got a few that bother you just as much.

– Dr. J

Today’s Tracklist: Tracklist: 1. Here I Am, 2. All I Really Want, 3. No. 1, 4. Hello Good Morning, 5. Break My Heart, 6. Fly Together, 7. Magnificient, 8. Aston Martin Music, 9. Super High, 10. I Love My Bitches — Check out Carver The Great at his personal website, where you can also find booking information and more music!