Home Empowerment You Don’t Need Jordans, Bro

You Don’t Need Jordans, Bro

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Shoes don't make the man...

I wrote a post called I Can’t Date Women With Name Brand Purses but I didn’t expect it to receive the attention it did. I won’t rehash that discussion today. Instead, I want to focus on the fact that a number of women said the same could be said for men who buy name brand shoes. These women are correct and I thank them for inspiring today’s post.

Of course, all we’ve established is that men and women waste money on name brand crap. This doesn’t tell us much. Most commenters focused on the cost of the items, not on the fact that they so passionately desire these items in the first place. This is the real issue.

Today our country is $15 trillion in debt, the unemployment rate of African American men is15 percent, 21 percent of homes headed by college graduates lack economic security and the Nets could go 0 for 82 and [African Americans] look around like this sh*t gravy.

Not really…

The common argument for buying name brands is their alleged superior quality. While true in some cases, it’s usually a convenient excuse for wasting money. Let’s be honest with ourselves.  Black People predominately buy name brands because they are marketed to us. For example, I can assure you that a white cotton shirt and a white cotton shirt with a Nike Swoosh is the same quality but the shirt with the Swoosh cost more money for no other reason than Nike knows you will pay for it.

Cristal, for example, tastes the exact same way it did before its maker made a perceived racist comment and now black people Jay-Z refuses to drink it. Why? The brand was never superior in quality. Jay-Z and others wasted their money purchased this item for the notoriety associated with the brand not because Cristal was by any means superior to other similarly priced liquors.

See Also:  Sorry Shorty. I Can't Help You.

In a more relative example, I witnessed a number of black people mocking one another for buying Versace’s line of clothing for H&M. #TheBlacks spent hours making fun of or justifying their Versace purchases to one another. It was ridiculous.

I don’t have anything against brand names or the companies who market them to us. However, I think people should be honest about the motivation behind their purchases and the way they spend their money. Judging by these conversations, people spend untold sums of money on brand name items, not for the quality, but for a sense of associated personal status. Put simply, people’s sense of value is relative to the amount of expensively branded items they own including but not limited to cars, shoes, purses and clothing. This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if any of these items appreciated in value. They do not.

Arguably even purchases as large as home buying has become a gimmick. Disillusioned people brag about home ownership when they don’t own their home. The bank owns your home. You live in it and pay mortgage. Historically, homes appreciated in value. What’s more important is that people could pay off their homes within their lifetime because they could look forward to consistent employment. Exasperated by The Great Recession, we now live in a country where the average employee will hold 11 jobs during their lifetime. Assuming, of course, they can find a job. The largest banks in America planned lay-offs of 75,000 employees in November so they can avoid paying holiday bonuses. The multimillion-dollar CEO? Don’t worry, he/she remains employed…

See Also:  7 Reasons Black Men Don't Get Married

Our shortsighted, instant gratification view of the world would be impressive if it wasn’t so disappointing. Sure, you can make it precipitate. You know, make it rain, make it thunderstorm. But why? Why throw it on the floor when people are poor?

Whether you realize it or not, “the people” is you. Just because you’re in the bottom-rung of the top 1% does not make you exempt. Unless you want to ignore the 20 to 1 wealth divide that shows even middle-class blacks possess only 15 cents for every dollar of wealth held by middle-class whites. No offense, adorning yourself in modern day trinkets does not wealth make but ignorance it does exude.

I’m not judging how you choose to spend your money. It’s your money. I didn’t help you make it. However, I am asking that instead of focusing on the “hook up” or how much you can save on buying your name brand item of choice you take a moment to ask yourself why are you so obsessed with being branded in the first place? Perhaps you are confusing wants for needs. If not, what is it about those Jordans, Red Bottoms, luxury cars, shiny rims, gated communities or other arbitrary items of perceived social status that make you feel like you must own them in order to feel wealthy – even when you are not? If you can’t think of an answer, then maybe there is a better place to invest your money; like in yourself, your family or your future to name a few. Then again, we can always continue to make others wealthy while we remain undeniably poor, because that option has clearly worked in our favor…

See Also:  Conrad Murray: killer or scapegoat?

Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy? Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc? Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?


Admin Notes:

1) See the man behind WisdomIsMisery: My most recent video blog is available on YouTube, Heartbreak and Lucky Charms.

2) Hear the man behind WisdomIsMisery: With the help of @Up4Dsn, I participated in my first podcast, I Want You! Not Your Kids.

3) Read insight from WisdomIsMisery: I’m featured on BadOnlineDates.com this week addressing Why He’s Not Texting You Back.

Last but not least, don’t forget to mark your calendar for SBM’s Holiday Happy Hour at the Empire Room in the Empire State Building on Friday, December 23.


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Comment(150)

  1. “However, I think people should be honest about the motivation behind their purchases and the way they spend their money. Judging by these conversations, people spend untold sums of money on brand name items, not for the quality, but for a sense of associated personal status.”

    So many brands build their mktg campaigns around peoples’ incessant need to belong. It’s very easy to sell a bum azz product when you’re selling to a population that’s often fiscally insecure. For ex: I don’t think Ciroc is the best tasting vodka on the market, but clubs carry it because Diddy and other trendy celebrities endorse it. Ciroc is 1 of the easiest spirits to get to sponsor your event because 98% of the clubs in any given city stock it. When it comes to spending power of the minority community, no campaign is more lucrative than a celebrity co-sign.

    It’s become “cool” to live above your means and to present a facade that you likely can’t maintain. But what’s even mind-boggling is people go in the red to finance a lifestyle to impress people that won’t matter a year in their lives a year from now.

  2. “We all self conscious I’m just the first to admit it”

    Good post. i like nice things, and if its within budget I cop. You bring up interesting points. a lot of people fake stunt out here trying to impress people when they are only going broke and remaining delusional. I’d rather be frugal and wealthy than a broke baller. Check to check aint the move bro!

    1. I hear that. Living that check-to-check life is not where it's at. I'm all for purchasing things I like or treating myself to that expensive item every once in awhile. For me it's all about balance. I don't want too much of this or too much of that. I prefer to manage my money responsibly…and splurge every once in a blue moon.
      My recent post I Want You. Not Your Kids!

  3. “. The largest banks in America planned lay-offs of 75,000 employees in November so they can avoid paying holiday bonuses.” 

    I wasn’t aware of this…smh…

    Good post WIM

    To be honest, a guy who acts like he has a lot of money and doesn’t gets no respect from me.  I’m all for purchasing nice things for yourself but you need to be responsible. 

    1. "I'm all for purchasing nice things for yourself but you need to be responsible."

      You got it right there. It's all about being responsible. Why place yourself in debt or a tough situation over something you ca do with out. The focus should be on needs instead of wants. You know?
      My recent post I Want You. Not Your Kids!

  4. Excellent post. I have always been one to try and purchase quality. Be it technical/electronic items, athletic items or clothing/footwear. However im always aware that quality doesn’t automatically mean “most expensive”. Especially when it comes to clothing and footwear. Example: I run Pronate (or is it Over-Pronate…I always forget which is which) which means I land on the outsides of my feet. If I go to but a new pair of sneakers for balling, and I always buy Nike, I would look for one that best suits the way I run/jump/land. I know it definitely isn’t the Jordans…..or Lebrons or Kobes. Its likely a pair of Nikes that are actually designed for performance and not fashion.

    It is sad that so many get caught up in the labels. Urban dudes seem to think that the only shoes are Prada loafers or whatever the newest popular Mens shoes is. Come in wearing a true quality Italian leather hard bottom shoe that didn’t adorn some known high fashion label and they will look at you like you were shopping in Payless.

    1. "Example: I run Pronate (or is it Over-Pronate…I always forget which is which) which means I land on the outsides of my feet."

      You supinate.

  5. Does how much money someone makes or someone spends

    dictate how you date?

    How much they make is different from how much they spend. I’ve dated cashiers and nurses who spend the same but obviously in two different pay grades. As brought up in the relationship debt post a while back, I do consider financial responsibility or lack thereof a factor in how far i’m willing to take said relationship.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits?

    I have. Referring to ms cashier in the previous answer, ultimately a rift formed when she would blow all her money then be looking at me like I’m Al Bundy. In turn I did her like Al Bundy #nomaam

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?

    Obviously not.

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc?

    I could care less. I care more how them jeans hug ya curves more than are they Levi’s, I take some noname heels than a chick who got as many J’s as I do. I’ll put up with a chick for her car tho lol

    Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior

    generation?

    I have quite a few wealthy relatives but i dont expect much from them (my begging ass cousins already salivating everytime one of them gets a cold but thats #familybusiness).

    Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?

    I guess money because unless I end up with mad kids I really dont care to buy a house. I’d be straight with a fly loft in a nice building with doormen and ish.

    1. (my begging ass cousins already salivating everytime one of them gets a cold but thats #familybusiness).

      *Dead-n-Buried*

      Tristan I ain't messing with you this early in the morning!! lolll

  6. I don’t trust the lust for anything material.. 100 pairs of shoes, 100 pairs of jeans, a car with a note that I know you are struggling to make because that White Lex-ball looks great in valet. I wouldn’t date someone like that because as we grew together, I don’t want to spend my money on things, I want to spend it on experiences.

    When my last girlfriend bought me a 500 Louis Vuitton bag, my honest thought was….Oooh, I wish you would’ve paid my car note for the next couple months, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it LOL. But that is just me.

    My mother raised us to think it was foolish to wear someone else’s name so proudly, and to pay for the pleasure of doing it.. I think this had half to do with principle, and half to do with avoiding having to pay for name brand everything for three kids.

    Either way… I’m not pressed about most brands.. the most expensive thing I buy regularly is perfume.

    1. When my last girlfriend bought me a 500 Louis Vuitton bag, my honest thought was….Oooh, I wish you would've paid my car note for the next couple months, so I wouldn't have to worry about it LOL. But that is just me.

      Yesssss. I feel the same way about engagement rings – that money could've went to something so much more productive…

    2. I had a similar experience. A girl bought me a COACH wallet, which is cool, and admittedly I still use it. But I was perfectly fine with the wallet I had. In fact, like most men, I probably wont replace my wallet or any wallet until it's falling apart. It was one of those things I felt like she bought more for her than me, since I've never been too big on brands. Besides, who even knows (or cares) where my wallet came from. She couldve gotten me one from Wal-mart and it wouldve served the same purpose. *shrugs*
      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

      1. "It was one of those things I felt like she bought more for her than me, since I've never been too big on brands."

        This is my situation. My girl is much more likely to buy some name brand stuff for me than I do for myself.

      2. Hey, All. Delurking for a bit…

        WIM, this wallet story of yours tickles me but gave me an "ah-ha" moment. A few years ago I dated a guy whose wallet was on its last leg when we met. His birthday was coming up so I gifted him a new wallet. Now, it wasn't a Coach! It was just a regular leather department store wallet…same color as the one he had (which was on the verge of disintegrating every time he opened it). Anyway, he was very thankful, then proceeded to stuff EVERYTHING from his old wallet into the new wallet! O_O Before a month was up the new wallet was looking all old and misshapen; you wouldn't have known it was a new wallet! I just laughed and SMH.

        You explanation of men and how infrequently they get new wallets gave me that 20/20 hindsight about that quirk of my ex’s…well hell, I guess all men really! All men except for my Dad! That man is vain, Vain, VAIN! I get it honest! LOL!

    3. I wish ALL men had this mindset! I’m in a frustrating relationship with a younger man, who makes it a PRIORITY to buy up to two pair of Jordans a month. Between the two of us there are seven children.Money is needed all the time, but his view is that buying the shoes makes him happy, and he refuse to give it up. We have priorities that should be the first thing to get done. He have tickets that’s still due to be paid!! Don’t know what to do. #FUSTRATED & IRRITATED!!

  7. Someone's spending habits should play a large role in whether you date them or not, this can prevent you from jumping into a relationship living outside of its means. I find looking wealthy to be extremely overrated since you can shop at some places to find these name brand items for less, suddenly you look wealthy & may not actually be. My family is more concerned with tangible assets that can appreciate in value such as a house or land, which is why we pass down land in our family but invest money into the future.

    I personally know why I buy Jordans….. it's because I buy what I want & if that happens to be a new pair of Jordans just released then that's what it is. Price is never a factor, nor is what everyone else finds to be hott for me! I am only concerned about me & what I want, so there is no confused thoughts when I go splurging.

    1. JOKES! I see krystllyght been lowkey dropping bb gun shots around here lately. Pelets hurt too ya know. In my defense, the off-brand Lucky Charms doesnt taste the same. The sugary charms aint as sugary. I think it's missing some key charms, too. Yall know what I'm talkin bout! DONT FRONT!

      That off-brand corn flakes is where it's at though.
      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

  8. I do think spending habits should be a factor for a relationship. Money management is crucialI do think spending habits should be a factor for a relationship. Money management is crucial, especially during these economic times. I don’t want to be broke or date someone who can’t budget or be fiscally responsible. Personally, I am attracted someone who keeps themselves looking nice. I will spend because of the brand (those I am loyal to). I’m not a label whore or anything but we should look nice as a couple. My mom always said people never know how much money you have until you show them your pocket. Now if you’re struggling trying to stay in the latest then we have problem. Anyone who knows about name brands knows how to mix and match EFFECTIVELY. I’m not about counting someone’s coins but when we’re in a relationship, I should be able to tell you know what to do with money.
    We just waste money.

    1. +1. I think folks will notice this has been a constant theme with me. You've basically summarized how I feel so I wont repeat. At the end of the day, I won't be with a woman I dont believe I can afford. No judgement, we just have different goals in life – and that's fine.
      My recent post A Real Woman

  9. I did stop dating a woman because of money before. I met her a a restaurant after work for some drinks and apps and she was already sitting and eating and I didn't order any food but did get drinks and as we were leaving the brought two checks I paid for the one with our drinks that I had ordered after I got there and I expected she would pay for the food and drink she ordered before I showed up . She didn't and made a point to call me out and say she was upset so punishment was me paying for all of it. So really someone's attitude toward money is more important because that really showed me her petty side.

  10. Slim Thug said it best: "If you can't afford to buy it three times, you can't afford it."

    I've never really been a brand loyal consumer- largely because I work very hard for my money and choose to spend it wherever it gets the most value. I've definitely really never been conscious on how other people perceive my financial situation. People perceiving me as financially accomplished doesn't add any money to my bank account just as people seeing me as 'cheap' or broke doesn't deplete my balance. My personal philosophy is: The only time it's 'cool' to spend excessive amounts of money is when it's making you more.

      1. Lol! I'm from the South, and I like Slim Thug. *shrug* And I don't care who said what- it's still good advice. The point isn't whether to buy expensive things or not- it's are you overextending yourself to buy it. Being able to purchase something and being able to afford something may sound like semantics but they're not the same thing.

        1. Well, I can agree with you somewhat. I just think Slim Thug, who is broke now, isn't the person to quote. I agree with everything else you said though.

    1. "My personal philosophy is: The only time it's 'cool' to spend excessive amounts of money is when it's making you more."

      That's an interesting philosophy. Very sound. It all boils down to responsibility. I think that's what many people fail to realize. Most people in our society haven't been taught how to value, manage or grow a dollar. They've only been shown and told how to spend, spend, spend. We have to start teaching people how handle money before we point out their money management flaws.

      The way I see it, people can't do something they were never taught to do.
      My recent post I Want You. Not Your Kids!

      1. "Most people in our society haven't been taught how to value, manage or grow a dollar. They've only been shown and told how to spend, spend, spend. We have to start teaching people how handle money before we point out their money management flaws."

        I agree people are conditioned to spend, but that's not necessarily a reason to blatantly not try to save. I'm not saying people shouldn't buy what they like. I'm not even saying people shouldn't purchase nice things. I'm saying be accountable to a financial plan of some kind. Even if people aren't taught formally how to save there are so many apps, books, and resources (many of them for free) to help guide the planning. People aren't taught how to do a lot of things- but they figure out how to master skills that they want bad enough. If you're serious about being financially disciplined, there's ways to help.

        1. I agree with you completely. I’m in no way making excuses for people spending their money irresponsibly. I just wanted to point out that we are a culture of spenders and it has a lot to do with not being taught how to develop and manage a financial plan.

          Regardless of teaching, a person should know when they are making purchases they can’t afford. If you’re living check-to-check or choosing between necessities and wants, then I believe you are more than capable of making smarter financial choices.

          Thanks a lot for responding to my comment. I appreciate that.

  11. I stopped dating someone because of his poor spending habits, then later found out from a friend of his that his car was repossessed because he hadn't made a car payment in years. I don't mind labels, but I'm frugal. My family calls me "Queen of Free". I'm very resourceful with air miles, finding grants, and all around deals. Saving airline miles has earned me free trips. I received grants that paid for my computer equipment. If I want to shop (I dont often- I must be missing that gene in my female DNA) I go to a high end thrift store in Malibu where tags are still on the new designer clothes that someone paid $hundreds for-but I get them for $5-10. Volunteer work is rewarding for the soul, but sometimes I literally get rewarded at charity events with swag bags full of products that I didn't have to purchase. In LA we have 99c stores. On a good day you'll find L'Oreal cosmetics and other treasures. For me, the thrill is about a great freebie or deal and knowing that my frugality and financial responsibility will keep me secure. In a relationship/marriage I would only align myself with someone like-minded so we can leave an inheritance for our children.

  12. Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? Not really. Id observe the hell out of her tho

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? No. Like you sir WIM I don't date the name-brand chicks, they trouble!

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy? A wise old lady once told me perception is reality..so if it works to your advantage then knock yaself out…sometimes looking wealthy can lead you to wealth

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc? NOPE!

    Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? Hell no! well actually the elders in my family have left me with a big ol bag of knowledge..cant really put a price on that

    Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children? (outside of her education money) Id like to leave my daughter 20k and a bag of knowledge, but no more than that.

    Sidenote – the only pass my future wifee will get is a mean ass shoe game..if that's her vice then I'll happily support it!..lol

  13. I hate the concept of paying to advertise for some company, but if there is a discernable difference to me in quality and I can afford it I'll get it. I married the best financial manager that I ever dated – I'm not stuck on labels so I would be turned off by a man who is. I couldn't be with a man who had me nervous every day about paying bills, with no end in sight. My parents gave us a good launching pad for success, and we want to do the same for our kids, which means there's no room for little name-brand baubles that don't hold their value. If I were gonna splurge I'd go to the spa or get a cleaning service. #welcometomotherhood

    1. Agreeeeeeeee! I'd rather splurge on an experience or service than an object.
      If it's something that I just love and can afford, I'll go for it but that doesn't happen often.

  14. I'll buy nice things if 1. I want it and 2. I can afford it. I'm middle class, and I stay in that lane. I'm not buying $3,000 suits and trying to get into a $350K house. If you can afford it, more power to you. But most people are fronting. I'll see how long some of this foolishness lasts when this depression really gets going.

    Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date?

    No. She can't be completely broke, but she doesn't need to have a corner office in some law firm either.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits?

    No. My current girlfriend is the coupon queen.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?

    No. Many of the wealthiest people dress average and drive modest cars. Most people don't know wealth when they see it anyway, they only know something is expensive because Jay-Z rapped about it.

  15. Look man white people do it too. I see white people who would rather buy from American Apparel than buy the same generic clothing from Target or Macy's. They have a closet full of dress shirts from Ralph Lauren, talking about how they only wear single woven cotton shirts cause they last longer. (I do this too, that ain't the point.) It just ain't Black people who do this.

    Your partner's spending habits only bother you if you know that you cannot support that lifestyle.

    1. There's a big difference between expensive tastes and being attracted to things you cannot afford. What bothers me the most is that Black people will settle for lower level luxury items, just because it's luxury items. It's changing now, but it used to be a time when a dude would be arguing at the club that his Jordan's cost more than someone's whole outfit and to me I was thinking, "You are going to wear those Jordans until the next color comes out, if you take two pairs of Jordans and go get a pair of Pradas then you might have a case. And you never get turned away for wearing Pradas." But most Black people didn't hear me until Juelz Santana and them started putting them in the song. Dudes was geeked out on a Polo from the outlet, but when I tried to put them on to Rugby which costs more but last a lot longer they was like, "Nah that's for white people." I was just totally confused. But whatever….

      Great post WIM, you don't need those Jordans, you need that rent check. Provided you got all that in tact. Where's my bottle of Rose?

      1. People really do be selective ballin….they’ll cop some J’s, Polo some tru religion jeans rappers talk about Louboutin sneaks and Hublot watches they act like they aint hear that ish lol

      2. Anybody who says anything along the lines of "my _______ cost more than your whole _______" is not worth talking to unless their name is Ric Flair… WOOOOOOOO!

        Now, on the issue of Prada verse Jordan, to me, we're talking apples and oranges. People who buy Jordans are part of a whole subculture of nostalgic 80s babies who buy re-released MJs as a way to reattach and reconnect with their youth. All sorts of people and cultures do it with all sorts of things. For some it's Star Trek, for others it's Star Wars and for the kids of my generation it's Jordans.

        So to me, it's never a choice between Jordans and Prada or any other luxury sneaker brand. It's also not a matter of 'settling for lower level luxury' – at least not when it comes to J's.

        Prada's are cool I have a couple pairs… but they're never in competition with Jordans. Like, my black patent leather pradas are the exact same color scheme and material as the black and red 11s. They're pretty much the same sneaker. But if you're getting dressed, and you know how to dress, you'd never ask yourself "should I wear the black and red pradas or should I wear the black and red 11s?" Apples and oranges. One is for one sort of occasion and the other is for another.

        1. You're like a sneakerhead Most. So it's very different. For a sneakerhead it's different and I wouldn't say that to them. But i'm talking about people who see shoes as shoes. Who see expensive items as just being expensive and worth quoting. But as a recovering sneakerhead, I can agree with you that some people view sneakers as much more than just Jordans or Dunks.

        2. Ha! This response was SO on point. I was thinking the same thing. How do you even compare Prada with Jordan. The brands are very different. But there's another issue as far as "luxury" clothing items and shoes. Many people follow trends, not fashion. If they see a celebrity with it, then its CERTIFIED. But if they walked into the store and saw it, they wouldn't give it a second look because they haven't seen it on anyone. Have style means that you can have on Doo Ri or thrift store items and still look hot. The problem is many people can't think for themselves in any area of their lives, and it just carries on into their fashion choices, homes, even careers. Just my thoughts.

        1. if you ever make it to New York with the hubby, the 4 of us can hang and hit a couple stores! I'ma try and learn something from you though… see what I can steal from the midwest (i think that's where you are right?).

        2. That would be so DOPE! Yep I'm from the midwest but there's nothing to learn from here bro. I don't think I've ever seen any guys rock what ya'll talk about on here. I see Jordans all the time (even on day old babies o_O) but I don't think I've ever seen a dude in Prada sneakers. Ya'll gotta be a sight to behold.

        3. I love you Kema but why? WHY? When I was a photographer, so many folks would come through with the Jordans on their babies. I'm like this baby can't even sit up let alone do something in some Js. Then they don't have money to actually buy a good package of pictures. Hmmph.

        4. Kema…

          And my oldest son's name is Jordan, LOL.

          Jordan GOTTA have Jordan's, right? RIGHT?! LOL…

          #noshameinmylogic until that sucka started growing. Momma ain't buyin boys 3 1/2 Jordan's. Nope. Although she spent $80 on Polo boots a few weeks ago BUT the baby's (baby is 4, lol) was on sale at Finish Line for $30! I can't buy one Polo boots and not the other, now can I??? lol… *shrugs* #thankgodforthisgoodGOODgovtjob

        5. Who you telling? My son is now 12 and wears a size 7. I just bought him some jordans the other day. But you best believe I bought them at the ghetto flea market where I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out that they had "fell off the back of a truck"

        6. LOL! Girl, I'm frightened thinking about how big and expensive my 7 yr old will be at 12. He's in size 10 pants now…already listed the shoe size. I might have to start frequenting flea markets or "the tennis shoe guy" myself, LOL.

          Mind you, I made the gov't job comment right before a meeting about this possible furlough, lol…the irony…

    2. I somewhat agree with your first comment J and completely agree with your second comment. For one, arguably every issue we address on this site can apply to white people (and every other race) albeit to higher and lesser degrees. This, statement "Your partner's spending habits only bother you if you know that you cannot support that lifestyle" is very true. However, I believe it's a discussion most people never have, until it's too late, like after marriage or during divorce. I, personally, want to know upfront about the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with as possible.

      To your latter point, living within your means is a good first step for anyone. That said, I still know black people who live within their means who are still drawn to name brands because they sincerely believe the brands define them, they don't define the brands. The two are related but separate issues IMO. Meaning that one is tied to financial responsibility and the other is psychological.

      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

  16. "These women are correct…"

    Did that just happen?

    LOL. but no seriously, good post WIM. To answer the questions like a good reader:

    ~Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? UM YEAH. I mostly date (and I say this loosely cuz I'm still a beginning dater lol) boys in a different socioeconomic status and it changes everything about dating in my opinion. I'm always aware of how much something might cost and I have to watch what I suggest since we don't have the same budget.

    ~Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? YES. See above. Eventually the never-going-out because he couldn't afford it and would NEVER let me pay got old and I said to hell with it.

    ~Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy? Meh.

    ~Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc? I won't lie, I like pretty cars, but it's in no way a deal breaker of any sort and it's doesn't have to be an expensive car- I like the look of a lot of "cheap" cars too (think Dodge line, or Sonata, etc.) Clothes? No. Everyone knows l like crisp jeans and tees plus a fitted and clean sneaks/boots. Done deal.

    ~Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? Monetarily? *bursts out into uproarious laughter*

    ~Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children? A house is probably about it.
    My recent post Christmas in New York City?

    1. First of all, I'd mad that your comment is like book-length and they let it post, meanwhile I have to split mine into 18 different comments because I always get that "too long" message after like 5 lines. >_<

      But yeah, guys in a different socioeconomic status never really work out for me, either. I'd like to do so many things, but when I tell them how much it costs, they look at me crazy. I've never met a guy that wouldn't let me pay =/, but eventually I'd just stop inviting them and end up going with my sister. I swear, if I meet a dude that can afford to travel, I will stop being as picky as you know me to be, lol. Mark my words…
      My recent post They Say Honesty Is the Best Policy…

      1. Book length though?!? Stop it. lol.

        I don't mind that they can't afford it… it's like, when you take me out, we do what you can afford, but when I take you out, we should be able to do what I can afford. My last BF just could not get with it at all, and it was so dayum irritating.

        That can afford to travel? Sounds like heaven…. but I don't believe you Cam, lol.
        My recent post Christmas in New York City?

  17. The title of this post is timely. My friend and I were just talking about how neither of us has ever owned a pair of Jordans.

    Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date?_
    -This really isn't a factor to me anymore because my girlfriend and I double down on our scrilla when we plan on having a good time. If it's just a random night out at dinner I'll handle it. Anything larger like a vacation or some ish we'll pool our resources cause we're building for bigger things.
    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?
    -Looking wealthy and being wealthy aren't even in the same ball park. I'm surprised at how many of the partners at the law firm where I work live and dress. Wealthy people are cheap as hell for a reason.

    My recent post Teams That I Would Never, Not For Nothing, Pull For

  18. I'm a bit of a minimalist…not opposed to buying things that I like..it's just not the focal point of my life..not much into name brands but I've found that I am much more fulfilled spending my money on experiences (some don't require spending any at all) and creating great memories.

    1. This would describe me pretty well, which is weird because it has been a "coming of age" story. My follks did well – I didnt know this until I filled out the FASFA for college – but they never made money or being flashy with money a big deal in my life. I went to college (I grew up in the burbs) and honestly I wanted to "stunt" like all the other black kids. I started spending money I didnt have on crap I didnt need. But eventually, I grew out of that phase too. Realized it's not that serious and moved on with life. Ironically, I was more mature-fiscal wise-when I was 16 than when I was 21, but such is life. It's been an interesting journey and I'm grateful for the lessons learned…

      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

  19. 1.Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date?
    Usually I don't know but if I see they "like nice things" I see to what extent they go to in order to obtain them. High maintenance is fine as long as they can afford it. I don't like fronting dates. I like fiscally responsible women.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? Yes. A woman that I was interested in (but gladly learned not to like because of her flakiness) revealed to me her money woes that is now biting her in the ass. Needless to say, I wouldn't get with her now with that information. If it got serious a lot of weight would be on me so no thanks.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?
    I look at white folks and there are some of them walking around with shoes peeling off their feet and driving jalopies but they've got stacks in the bank and can afford to pass something along to their kids. I'd much rather have stacks in the bank then on my feet.

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc?
    NO that doesn't matter. There are some ladies out there that can freak Target dresses and boots and look classy so I don't really care about that. If they can afford it then cool but I'm not a label whore at all. I usually like function over fad and fashion.

    Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation?
    My father died broke, so there was nothing left to me and his father (a southern minister) left nothing either. Besides…now that there is a generation under me, everything is directed towards them. I have a few friends who's fathers will be leaving them a nice little nest egg or a house or something. Such is life.

    Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?
    If I have children…I would hope to be able to leave them something but I have no clue at this time.

  20. Excellent post.

    Does how much money someone makes or spends dictate how you date?
    No, as long as they are responsible with their spending. If they are always complaining about being broke and not having any money (never happened), we wouldn't date for too much longer. However, the person that I have been seeing pays for everything when we go out everytime…that has since set the bar higher for any future perspectives.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone because of their income or spending habits?
    No.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?
    Heck no. Just look decent and put together. Save/invest your money wisely.

    1. Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc?
      I am attracted to men who dress decent/presentable without all the logos and what not. However, in the case of the guy I have been seeing, he only wears name brand and has made that clear plenty of times when I've offered to pick something up for him while I was out. Last night, we told each other what we'd like for Christmas. His request? A Louis Vuitton wallet (because his Prada one makes him "feel old" …he's 26) and umbrella, both around $700. He can go ahead and cancel Christmas.

      Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? I love my father(?), but I CANNOT. WAIT. for that windfall!!! It is extremely sad (but true) to say, the best thing he is ever going to do for me is die. =/

      Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?
      If everything goes as planned, they will be giving ME money.

  21. I think I've lived a pretty frugal life. I was never the type of kid to ask my parents for Jordan or Polo or any other name brand stuff like that. I felt stupid doing that, knowing they couldn't afford it. Growing up, I mowed lawns during the summer and on snow days, while all my friends were sleeping late and playing mario, I was shoveling the snow out of peoples driveways. I worked part time through high school and full time through college. Through out all that time, I was never the flyest dude around, but I always had style and always had a certain class that sorta sustained me.

    Once I started working and making real-world money, I spared no expense on the things that make me happy. This of course is after getting a more than comfortable place for the Mrs and I to live and potentially raise kids. So yeah, I spend money. I buy whatever I like regardless of the brand and that include Jordans.

    The Jordans for me though are more of a nostalgia thing. It's more about the fact that I was too frugal with my lawn mowing money when I was a kid to go buy something like that. Now that I have it… why not.

    So yeah… Concorde 11's December 23rd…

  22. Good post sir.

    I think there's a place for brand names. For instance and without too much information, i struggle to find jeans that fit well. Sometimes it's the same thing with shirts and shoes. I have to cop certain quality brands otherwise I end up with high risers or poor circulation. When it comes to spending just to show I got it, that's never been my thing. I've always been more of an emotion shopper — meaning I buy what makes me happy.

    What I never understand is people who buy Louis luggage. I'm like word? 2K on a suitcase that's gonna be tossed around in baggage? Awesome.
    My recent post Landing Your Dream Job: How to Write a Cover Letter That Wins

    1. The fact that it's going to be tossed around in baggage is – precisely – why it's better to opt for expensive luggage.

      Doesn't have to be Louis. Louis you're paying for not only the extremely high quality but also the luxury associated with the name. But generally speaking, it's a good idea to invest in good, high quality luggage… it makes all the difference – and usually that means you're gonna spend a pretty penny.

  23. Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date?
    I don't care how much a woman makes. I do care about how she spends her money in relation to her handling her business and having her priorities in order.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? Yes.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?
    No its not. And if you've felt the Great Recession like I have you would understand that. I have expensive taste. But I'm not a slave to materialism.

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc?
    I like fly chics. And for a woman to be fly she can shop at thrift shops and high-end stores. I am not attracted to women that are label whores. It such a turn off when everything a woman has on screams a particular designer. Its gaudy and tacky to me.

    Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation?
    Yes

    Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?
    No. At most i will take care of any outstanding debt they have. if I do my job as a parent they shouldn't need my money/assets. I would prefer to leave it to someone less fortunate or to a cause that can help more people.

    1. Great reply Humble. This right here could easily be the thesis for my post No its not. And if you've felt the Great Recession like I have you would understand that. I have expensive taste. But I'm not a slave to materialism. That said, to your last response and the reason I asked that question is because I would like to leave something to my kids eventually. My parents helped me pay for college and as I have gotten older have discussed with me assets they have considered leaving me, my sister or both. I would like to eventually do the same for my kids and here's why: I think, sadly, the black community is really bad about leaving assets (besides debt) for their kids. So essentially, every generation has to start over from rock bottom. (1/2)
      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

      1. (2/2) It's no wonder we can never accumulate wealth. In my mind, there should be a greater goal besides what you/I/we do with our short flicker of life. I hope to not only leave the lessons for my son/daughter to grow from, I want to give her a head start in their life by providing them with a sound foundation and the knowledge on how to use that foundation. Then, maybe one day, we'll have a "dynasty" behind our name to represent instead of just living our life day to day and they can do the same for their kids and so forth. Wealth is (rarely) built in one generation. We are one of few cultures that do not actively plan for how to make life better for our kids. It's weird. And kind of sad. My father bucked that trend and I hope to eventually do the same for my family to be. Hopefully, I can find a woman that supports these goals instead of derails them…

        My recent post N****s in Paris and Beyond

        1. They ain’t hearing you, tho! It’s not about quality. Most things you can buy have similar quality regardless of price or brand name. Its not about whether you can afford it. So what If you can afford it and pay your rent and car note. How about putting it in the bank until your house and car and kids college education is paid for and you can live comfortably off the interest from your investments. Then relax. Till then, got it or not, you’re tricking.

          WIM, I’m so happy you wrote this. Do it again in a couple months. Needs to be repeated. For the record, Im cheap and proud of it. I would only marry a man who wants to look at zeros on a statement, not on my back. Or feet.

        2. They ain’t hearing you, tho! It’s not about quality. Most things you can buy have similar quality regardless of price or brand name. Its not about whether you can afford it. So what If you can afford it and pay your rent and car note. How about putting it in the bank until your house and car and kids college education is paid for and you can live comfortably off the interest from your investments. Then relax. Till then, got it or not, you’re tricking.

          WIM, I’m so happy you wrote this. Do it again in a couple months. Needs to be repeated. For the record, Im cheap and proud of it. I would only marry a man who wants to look at zeros on a statement, not on my back. Or feet.

  24. I ain't even gonna lie…my eye/appetite is wired to like expensive things. It has NOTHING to do with marketing. I just see some clothes/a description on the menu and what do you know…its dag near the most expensive thing they offer, lol…even if its no-name, lol. I can be in Family Dollar and I'll pick up the ONE item that's 19.99! I swear, it's horrible! I also HATE shopping in stores where I have to pick through things. If I need a black skirt, I wanna be able to stroll over to the rack with the black skirts.

    Now, that I'm divorced and living on one income (TEARS for one income), I am forced to spend economically…forced to sift through the racks at Marshall's, lol. I can't WAIT to just be able to buy what I want again from an organized environment. OH MY GOD, I can't wait!!!!

    1. Now that I'm finished my rant, lol…

      I attract and date people who are committed to financially supporting the lifestyle they prefer. For example, you have the type job that pays your bills and allows you to make the purchases that make you happy. I'm unmarried with two kids who cannot watch themselves. I'll worry about building wealth when I can stop paying these super expensive childcare fees (JESUS!!!!!!!!!!). Right now, we're simply living comfortably, lol. And I ain't complaining…

      I've got a fab life insurance policy though. 🙂

      That is all, lol…

    2. You know what? Shifting through things at places like Marshalls and Burlington used to be my thing. I found my prom dress at a half of half store back home and spent maybe 20 bucks on it. It was cute and I was so proud of my deal. I enjoyed the hunt. I generally liked to go to places that have a lot of stuff so I didn't have to drive around a lot for what I'm looking for because I hate driving. Then one day I went into one of those stores and spent hours there and came out with one shirt. I'm like this isn't worth it to me anymore. That ten bucks I saved cost me four hours. I would've rather been done and gone about my business than sit up in a store getting stressed because I can't find the perfect thing amongst their hundreds of racks of things. Pair that with my general inability to make decisions and that's not a good day. This is why my husband doesn't like shopping with me. I'm over it now though and would rather do what you said.

      1. Girl, I need my shopping experiences to be peaceful and inspiring. The mess in Marshall's, Burlington, TJ Maxx, Ross, Thrift stores (the smell…my GOD), etc. gives me a daggon headache and depletes my browsing energy. Now-a-days, I just wait for the stores I prefer to have great sales online. If I need something quick, I run in Macy's or H&M and I can usually mix & match to create something spiffy.

        I don't sleep on those stores (minus the thrift store) when it comes to shoes though! 🙂

        1. See I can deal with the shoe departments too and maybe the handbags. And it's funny you bring up the thrift store. Nate Berkus stay talking about buying stuff at thrift stores but I've never seen anything worth the trip. Maybe you have to be in New York or Cali for that type of thing because here, you just find some old country looking stuff. But this is why I've been liking the mall more and more lately because I can look through things that are organized and if I don't like anything, it's on to the next store and I don't have to drive all over the place. I'm getting more into online things too. I scored some awesome shoes for my sister for Christmas and got a deep discount on a watch for my hubs. Score!

        2. "If I need something quick, I run in Macy's or H&M and I can usually mix & match to create something spiffy. "

          Co-sign. I hate wading through Marshall's etc. Those places are stressful to me as well.

          I actually know that I have expensive taste, however, I always find something similar for less and carry on.

      2. I like a good deal – but I can't..CANNOT…deal with the dang hangers! I'll head to the clearace rack, try unsuccessfully to sift through the clothes, get that hanger-caught-on-a-strap-wrapped-around-another-hangar and I just walk away. iCan't.

        1. LOL!

          UGH! Cause they have a billion non-matching items crammed onto 3 racks! Buy some more racks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    3. You ain't lying about that Marshall's lack of organization struggle! But you gotta do what you gotta do for Calvin Klein boyfriend jeans that fit like a glove for $12 🙂

      1. Girl I used to be so proud of those types of deals and if I can get it for that much I still am but gosh when I emerge from a store all exhausted and my hair all over the place, I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. But I don't go looking for CK jeans either, just whatever I happen to find that I like. Maybe I just need a better plan when I go.

        1. Girl, that was a happy accident! I've had like 8 brand named things in my LIFE and most are from my Aunt. I didn't even know those jeans were CK until got them home, lol.

      2. Man, I wear average sizes in clothes and shoes.

        By the time I get to dag near any bargain store, the 3/4 or 5/6 tops and bottoms and 8 shoes are gone. #nodeal

        -_-

        1. same here. we are about the same size. we'd be fighting over the same stuff. LOL. and I agreed with your entire first post. its like, if I like it and pick it up its guaranteeed to be the most expensive thing there. I have expensive taste.

          online shopping became a godsend for getting my sizes before the stores run out, and when I lived in a town with one mall cuz I didnt like to wear what everyone else is wearing or when people can pinpoint "oh you got this from ____". I cringe! LOL. unless its something super simple casual wear like with H&M everyone goes there, its expected to know their merchandise.

          I like what I like, highs and lows and I always try to mix it up and put my own spin on things. but yes Marshalls TJ Maxx and Ross are the COME UP for shoes. Nordstrom Rack and Loehmann's as well for higher end things…
          My recent post I know that we don’t know each other well…

        2. Reecie, its us against the world over these sizes, lol. I'm dag near shocked when a place does have my size now, smh. Online shopping is the best way to steer clear of this problem…and its still a problem there when it comes to the clearance link, lol. And I HATE seeing people in my outfit. Best thing my Dad (was and is flashy, lol) taught me was how to mix & match my wardrobe.

          Nordstrom Rack and Loehmann's saw much more of me before I had kids…these dang childcare fees, I swear!!!!! If these new age grandmas don't get it together, stay home and keep their grandkids!!!!! They ain't even right. I never went to nobody's real daycare…this is some mess…lol.

  25. Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits?
    The actual amount someone makes isn't as important to me as how much discretionary income they have to do other things. As long as you're living within your means, then we can still date. I like nice things and I'm used to living a certain way, but I can afford it. i.e. If I want to see a play and my guy feels like the tickets are too expensive, I have no problem paying because that's something I'd like us to experience. But I'd hate for it to be like that all the time. If all we ever do is go to the movies and eat at Applebees on his dime, I don't think we'll last because I have other interests. [1/3]
    My recent post Signs That I’m Getting Old…

  26. I had to end a relationship with a dude that never wanted to use his own money because I made more than him and he felt like "I could take the hit." Meanwhile, he's using his checks to buy stupid sh*t and begging me to pay his cell phone bill. No bueno.
    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy? Of course not. Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc? I don't care about all that. I'm impressed if you take care of the clothes/shoes you have. I give 0 f*cks about Jordans. I would be more attracted to a man in a nicely tailored suit. I don't care what you drive, as long as it gets you from A to B. I'd rather see where you live. Do you drive a Hummer, yet sleep on an air mattress and your apt has no furniture? No thanks. [2/3]
    My recent post Signs That I’m Getting Old…

    1. Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?
      Yes and yes. I've had many conversations with friends about the fact that I'd want my future husband to sign a prenup of sorts so that my inheritance would only go to our children. If we did unfortunately decide to split, I wouldn't want him to get any of the things my parents worked for me to have. But that's just how I feel…
      My recent post Signs That I’m Getting Old…

  27. Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children?

    Yes, babygirl is GOOD on both me and her father's side.

    Sometimes I sleep with one eye open hoping she doesn't try to cash in early. #Welp

    As for Me:

    I like certain things because…. I JUST LIKE THEM not because I'm trying to keep up with the jones or trying to be that chick rappers be talking about in their rap songs/videos dropping high end designer name brands, I leave that to the professionals, I got bigger fish to fry. I don't own not one pair of red bottoms/Alexander McQueens,etc. and I honestly couldn't care less if I ever did, (unless you gonna buy them for me *wink* lol.. j/k) that's just one splurge I can't really justify me personally spending close to $1K or more on because I change my taste in shoes like I change my linen — now handbags and timepieces that's a whole different story which more or less can justify the splurge on such items, It's A Keepsake with Timeless Classic Styling So You Can Wear It Forever and it never goes out of style.

  28. This came up at work the other day. I grew up in the country, where flannels and ropers were the uniform of choice – I missed out on all the name brand obsession…we had a couple rich kids that had Guess and that was a big deal, but they were the exception, no one expected the rest of us to cop what they had. I'm the youngest of four, most of my clothes were hand me downs anyway, I was lucky to be wearing girls clothes some years! lol

    I'm glad that ish didn't matter to me growing up, I can see how it can seem very important when it's what's important to all your peers. One year we got a new basketball coach and he decided that we all needed to have matching shoes and he picked Nikes and I was just positive that I would just DIE if I was the only one on the team in different shoes…I don't know how my parents made that work wait, yes I do, crippling credit card debt, the same way we had Christmas every year but I got those shoes, first pair of Nikes and ugliest shoes I've ever worn… *smh*

    I'm not against name brands, sometimes they are a superior product, but buy it because of that, not because the label is splayed across it 100 times and you think that makes you a better person than me in my $6 Apt 9 dress that I got on sale, with a coupon, and got an online rebate for. I still look fly and you look like an advertisement not only for the brand, but for poverty, poor money management, and low self esteem too.

    Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? I wouldn't fall for someone with this habit because I notice money management early. So yes, this value is one that would effect my dating life.

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc? Less and if your car is leased or you buy and replace every couple of years, I'm not the girl for you.

    Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? Yes, considerable, considerable debt and a desire to do it much differently than they did.

    1. Girl I remember my first pair of Nikes too. I was eleven going on twelve. I got them out of a big box in a children's shelter I was in at the time. They were green and white, weren't even my size, and were probably men's shoes but I was so freaking proud of them shoes just because they were Nikes. I was young and dumb though and know better now. I look out for quality and durability. I won't lie sometimes I can ooh and ahh over certain designer things but won't buy it unless it's practical in my life.

      1. What I actually remember is being 6/7 years old crying cause my Dad bought me black low-cut Nike Airs instead of Jem (who's truly outrageous, lol) tennis shoes, LMBO! Cried a daggon river! My Dad wasn't having it though, lol… The Nike's won…

  29. Ok, I gotta make another point about gender differences in quality, attractive clothing.

    For women, it's super easy to look nice without spending a whole bunch of money. There are great little online retailers and boutiques and discount stores where you can get relatively nice stuff on the cheap. From dresses to shoes. I think every woman should have a couple pairs of really good pumps, a pair of really good boots, and a few really good bags. Those are the only places where she really has to spend money. Everything else you can kinda fill in on the cheap from jackets to coats to sweaters to skirts to blouses to accessories.

    For a man though… it's different. Cheap clothes on a man usually tend to look cheap. You can spot a cheap suit or a cheap pair of shoes a mile away. Cheap watches stand out like sore thumbs and cheap dress shirts are damn near see through and perpetually wrinkled.

    There's really no way around that. So sure, we can save money here and there… I mean, most of my dress shoes I buy from DSW. And sure, Charles Thrywitt has dress shirts on sale every other week so you can get away there, but for the most part, when it comes to men's clothing and accessories, you get what you pay for. Men's coats and jackets are expensive. Men's sweaters are expensive.Men's shoes are expensive, men's watches are super-expensive.

    Where you can save money as a man is on casual clothes. I don't spend money on jeans, t-shirts, and those sorts of items. This summer, all I rocked were footlocker v-necks that were 4 for $25. Never bought a pair of trues or any other super high-end name brand demim. Levis works fine for me. It's about the cut not the brand when it comes to mens jeans. For causal clothes, spend money on your feet and you're good. A good sneaker game makes everything else much better.

    So yeah bro… you do need those Js! lol.

    1. Since I know you do your own laundry I'm gonna ask you a laundry question mmkay? How do you keep your collars looking nice? We didn't think so but maybe the shirts we're buying are cheap. *scratches head* It seems like my hub's collars are either fading or curling up all the time so he always has to go out and get new shirts. Help?

      1. Use stain removal spray like Tide, Oxiclean, etc. Also, try to buy shirts that allow you to remove the tab in the collar. Shirts that can't remove the collar tab will mess up easier in the washer.

      2. Depends on the shirt. The more expensive the shirt, the better care you should try and take in laundering it. I know that sounds counter-productive because it seems like, if it's an expensive shirt, you should just be able to throw it in the wash and keep it moving, but that's not the case. So if you buy cheaper shirts from mass-retailers like Express or H&M – you can usually wash those dozens of times and be fine. But if you're buying nicer dress shirts, the best thing you can do is dry clean them.

        A quick tip tho, if you just can't bring yourself to settle on dry cleaning… when you're washing his shirts, take the time to unfold each collar. If you wash them with the color down the crease fades rapidly and the stains from neck-sweat don't always come clean. Wash them with the collar up and they'll come out cleaner and won't fade so fast. Also try adjusting the temperature of the water. If you've been using perm press, dial down to warm or even cold.

        Also, try ironing all of the shirts right after they're washed and make shore he hangs them instead of folding them.

        1. And this is why you're like a big bro, coming through for me. I looked it up online before and found that we should just not iron the collars down anymore and store them collar up. That made a little bit of a difference. I'll be sure to wash them with the collar unfolded now. I can't believe I never thought of that. I've had to take a Tide pen to a couple of his collars. Thanks mayne!

          I'm all excited now about doing laundry. Ha!

    2. LOL I'm about 90% of the way in agreement with you Most. Now, to provide a little context for those that dont know what they need to know, I am originally from, born, and raised in Texas. So mind you, we aren't EVEN on fashion like (most) folks on the East coast, West Coast, and possibly Florida. It's just not that serious to us. That's first and foremost…(1/2)
      My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

      1. (2/2) On a personal note, I don't even wear watches. I literally cant remember the last time I owned a watch or really, a piece of jewelry. That hasnt been my thing since college (had 3 ear piercings, jewelry and watches – but mostly because I was fronting to fit in). I agree with you on men's professional clothing and I'll admit I do buy nicer items for work but that's to serve a purpose. I also generally wear my work shirts and maybe a throw on suit coat to the club so it serves multi-purposes. Casually, I'm actually a white tee and jeans guy 90% of the time altho I own Polo shirts and have an affinity for Armani Exchange, Macy's and Express. Other than that, I generally only own one pair of dress shoes, casual shoes, and gym shoes at a time. My closet will never impress anyone nor does it need to. I guess, as someone said above, I like nice things but I'm a minimalist in the nice things I buy. We just gonna have to agree to disagree, bro.

        My recent post A One Woman Man

        1. *record scratch*

          3 ear piercings?! At one time? LOL

          I like how you just slid that in there, lol…

        2. I had two in my left ear and one in my right. That was a phase in my life I've since tried to forget – the Ginu-fake era. But, allll I'ma say is before Soldja Boy basterdized the term "pretty boy" you werent going to out pretty a pretty light skin dude (with braids, contacts and baby hairs) from the South. Trust me on this one…

          *burns all photographic evidence*

          Sad times…
          My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

        3. AND CONTACTS?!

          ______________________________________________________ *DEAD*

          Laughing uncontrollably….

        4. WIS you killing me man.

          Watches for men should be like earrings for a woman. Most women will not leave their house without a pair of earrings on and I can't walk to the corner store without putting on a watch.

          Wearing a good watch is not just about telling time, it's also a subtle statement that for you, time is valuable.

        5. Co-sign on the watch game. But then again I'm also a Watch nut. my first Breitling for Bentley is so close I can smell it.

  30. "Your partner's spending habits only bother you if you know that you cannot support that lifestyle." can we say stomach punch. I can't front I have been having that assessment w/ my girl now. Now I know she is younger than I and just getting out of school but I watched her habits and think, "you broke now, how will you become once you’re stacking paper (and she will be making more than me.)

    Growing up, my parents were not for all that buying $100 sneakers. My pops was all about getting some Shaqs from Kmart so he wasn’t having it. My mom had more sympathy so it meant some Nikes/Reebox from Sears but nothing more. Looking back, I am glad b/c once I made money I did not rush to get expensive sneakers. All of my Jordans have been due to that Niketown hustle. I never understood putting little kids (under 6) in Jordans, etc.

    I can't front. I am somewhat pressed on labels, particularly for my clothes. However, there are some disclaimers:
    1. I have a clean, simple, somewhat conservative attire approach. I try to buy shirts that I can wear corporate or with jeans to a lounge (mostly solid polos/dress shirts.) Multi-functional sneakers so mostly all Whites AF1’s. I am getting to the age of not-caring that I lean towards rocking running sneakers vs always being “decked out”
    2. I am a husky dude so skinny jeans won't work so no Tru Religion, Seven, etc. So, jeans will be Levi's or Old Navy b/c they fit the best.
    3. I WILL NEVER pay full price for a polo shirt. One time was b/c it was Lacoste and I just remembered having an "alligator shirt" when I was 4 years old so it was retro. However, that $150 pricetag for 2 polos was a big hit to the soul. I shop TJ Maxx, Polo outlets, and find sales heavy.
    4. I do not understand the obsession w/ Louie, Prada, red bottoms, or whatever else that are in the videos. I have seen the value in nice shoes and an East Coast dude so no candy-coated gators. But Cole Haan > Prada all day but those Cole Haan will be from DSW. B/c I like a clean look, you will find me w/ Polo, Brooks Brothers for my polo shirts but always on sale.

    For me, when checking for a girl, I do not think I am checking for her labels. A girl can look fly in a $50 dress or a $150 dress. Yea, rocking a dress from Rainbow may equate to cheap or jumpoff but guys will check for her too to get his rocks off.

    However, I think guys pay attention to their labels b/c they know girls are checking for their label. Like “if he rockin’ Louie, then he sees the “value” in it so he won’t have a problem supporting my Louie habit.” Guys do things to impress women, from cars, clothes, etc b/c it gives appearance of more money, which equates to more stability. It is a part of the reason that you have some ladies, who are sitting on 6-figures, more likely to find a mate who is making more money vs. less money. Yes, a part of it b/c of the potential of the guy being insecure but it is part b/c she is looking for that stability and the opportunity to have matching lifestyles. Jada and Styles said it best “That's why we the only one the thugs listen to Chicks buy records but niggas do what Chicks do” Dang, this was long. My bad.

  31. I absolutely love this post. I'm so living within my means and loving it. I was never ball'n, but before the bubble popped, i spent a few coins on shoes and dresses. Then, my Ex lost his job and I lost child support. I was hot at first b/c he was fired from his good-govt-gig that he had for 20+ yrs. and was making nice money. I realized there was nothing for me to do, but deal with it. I love it. It put things into perspective. I feel so fortunate for all that I have. Good job, good health, 3 beautiful kids, home etc…… Now I just focus on budgeting my money, paying my credit card balance, so that I can begin to save and open a ROTH. I even told my youngest, there is no Santa. I didn't want to ruin her innocence, but instead let her begin to live in her truth now. My older kids see things clearer. They see that they better fall in line, or I'm putting them out., but I digress. It's not how much or what you have. It's how you treat yourself and others. Glad I didn't waist my time contacting child support or being bitter. In these tough times, I feel extremely fortunate.

  32. I can't even relate to people that care more about materials than things that matter. Materials whether expensive or inexpensive come and go. I did lose contact *cough* with guys that during a date would talk on and on about what they have, what they buy and how many this or that they have. i HATE THAT….lol.

    I don't mind if a person prefers name brand, however there is a way to do it without coming off as pressed. Also, I see what spending on unnecessary WANTS get you. Many people that once had GREAT careers, lost everything. The six months worth of savings is a necessity. Everyone is always one step away from something unfortunate happening. However that falls on deaf ears with the common thought of not caring about tomorrow.

    I like nice things, however that can be purchase ANYWHERE made by ANYBODY at ANY PRICE. That's my philosophy.

    When the brand named clothes in your closet are only worn around town and never out of town—-that's just sad.

  33. Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date?
    I prefer someone in my salary bracket. We usually relate a lot more.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? Yes. Short story. Me and bf go to vegas. BF hits big (well not huge but lets say he tripled his spending money playing just once roulette which is big in my book.) Anywho, I am thinking great I know he was concerned about not having enuf money to spend here and now he has enuf to not stress plus pay some bills when he gets home. BF has the fever. Gives all money back to vegas by day two. Pouts day 3 and we arranged to return home early. The kicker for me wasn't that he gave all the money back it was over hearing the first phone call he made when the plane landed. It was to his uncle asking for rent money. I was done.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy?
    For me I like to look put together. I see smtg I like and I have the money for it I buy it. I am not into labels per se just the look and feel of an item if it happens to be a label then that was really just conincidence.

    1. Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands: clothing, shoes, cars, etc?
      I love a well dressed man. Can't even lie. Whatever his style is minus anything too thuggish looking is eye candy for me. What my man chooses to spend his money on I could care less. But blowing rent to slide to vegas with me, not acceptable. We all have vices. Mines isn't clothes its travel. I will spend my last 'free' dime on a trip somewhere but best believe rent is paid. Now I may only be going to and from work the rest of the month but for me its worth it you will never hear me complain about it.

  34. Let me answer my own questions: Does how much money someone makes or someone spends dictate how you date? How much she makes, no. How she spends, yes.

    Have you ever had to stop dating someone you genuinely liked because of their income or spending habits? Yes. I'm not going broke over you, bro. I dont care how fine you are.

    Is looking wealthy as important as being wealthy? No. I would rather be wealthy and no one know me than broke and everyone know me.

    Are you more or less attracted to someone who prefers name brands? I'm more attracted to low maintenance women but they are by no means the only type of women I date. (1/2)

    My recent post Video Blog: Heartbreak and Lucky Charms

    1. (2/2) Has your family left you anything of significant value from a prior generation? My parents are still alive…

      Do you have any plans to leave money/assets for your children? I would love to be financially savvy enough to leave my kids both the knowledge to know how to be finanically indepedent and a foundation to give them a head start in life. Whether this be through money, assets, or both I havent decided. I don't believe my kids have to struggle in order to know how to be strong/grateful if I raise them right. I also dont have any kids, yet…

      My recent post A Real Woman

  35. I think a lot of people missed the mark on this post. I think (?) you, WIM, were trying to say that even if you can afford name brands, you should give some thought as to WHY you want name brands. Right? As in, whether you can comfortably afford it or not, whether you're Jay-Z or broke, you should think about why you want Prada or whatever fancy brands there are.

    Advertising is eeeeeeeverything. Image is everything. I get ridiculed all the time for the way I dress cause I refuse to confine myself to the normal way of what is cool and what is not, what I should wear and what not. (Like, I have never owned a pair of jeans.) And I would never, in a million gazillion years, spend more than 100 dollars for any piece of clothing or accessory (except prescription eye glasses, can't get those for under 100). How radical :D.

  36. Does what she make matter to me? Nope. How and what she spends it on matters big time to me. I don't have a problem with her buying what she likes, but I'm not subsidizing it for her, nor am I picking up the slack on her bills if she's irresponsible. I like certain brands myself, because I actually like how they fit on me. It doesn't make me feel better about myself as a person or validate my self worth. That and it takes the guesswork out of how it's going to fit on me since I have prior history with them.

  37. I think its all good as long as you're self aware enough to know why you buy what you buy. We can't help be affected by advertising. Most people just want to fit in. I see enough dudes wearing polo rain boots or girls with those longchamp bags on the train everyday to realize that.

  38. Money is major in a relationship! You need to look at how your partner spends. I like nice things but I can't afford everything I want and I'm not going to spend my last on a want. I have friends, male and female who are broke but have flat screens, rims, diamond this and diamond that. When they go out they get bottles and spend money like its nothing. But when it's time to pay bills they always beggin or just paying enough to get buy. Cable always gettin cut off and the car is hella tight but they can't afford the insurance so it's not insured right now.

    Please, you better make money a factor!

  39. This why I am so reluctant to move out if Maine. No one really gives a damn about how you look here. It could be because we're all rubbing firewood together to stay warm. But mostly it's you stand out more if you're all dressed up. It's a casual state. We rock fleece instead of cashmere. And while it's cool, it does have it downside sometimes. Trust me on this. But for the most part it's refreshing to know that you don't have to break the bank on the nonsense name brand shit when you send your kids to school. One of bbf's from Cali wanted to buy my daughter a Louie Vutton bag when she enters HS because that's what she did for her niece. And I was like no that's not what we do here. Man we still be bartering up here. I love it. Plus, my daughter is already going to be extra-extra read all about it and I don't want to be materialistic too, at least not on my dime.

  40. Help…I'm 5 months pregnant with my first baby boy and I can not seem to stop buying baby Jordans. I think I've gone crazy or something I just keep buying and buying them…they are sooo cute. He actually has more shoes than clothes at this point so I know I have a problem. My unborn child has more shoes than me and chances are he wont even wear them more more than a month before he grows out of them. I need help!!

  41. This mindset is out of control and has gone to the point of no return. We are 3 generations in now. It used to be the exception but now it is the rule. Living in government housing, homeless shelters, receiving welfare, working for minimum wage and using all our money to purchase a brand. We don't think our own name is important enough so we must attach another name to our body to feel like we have some sort of status. This mindset is also among middle class blacks as well. This is why our community are the largest group of consumers but we have the least amount of money.

  42. This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if any of these items appreciated in value. They do not.

    How can you seem to be so good at writing and expressing yourself, yet you make statements like the one above that is 100% false. Did you even do any research or did you just put that in there because it helped your entire message? The fact is that brand name waste of money (in your opinion) do rise in value. Take Jordan shoes for example. Currently, each Retro release sells out in a matter of hours and sometimes, minutes. The shoes can immediately be resold at a rate of 10% to 300% their original price depending on the particular release. Since when is a 10% return in less than a day not considered a solid investment?

    You may not like it because it doesn't support your view, but it is FACT. I personally have 15 year old Jordan's that were for $150, and are currently valued at $900. But you don't consider a $750 profit on a $150 purchase appreciation? Again, either you did no research or you just blatantly misrepresent the facts to support your opinion. And its not just Jordan's that the market is so strong for. Hard to find designer hand bags, vintage clothing and even classic video games all appreciate with value. Speak the truth, or don't speak at all.

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