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Women Don’t Want Men to Have Fun

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I wonder if he knows he has key tracker on his laptop.

Let’s face it, we all know that women don’t want men to have fun. You are only allowed to ever have fun with her and her alone. Have you ever seen the rage in your woman’s eyes after admitting you actually had a good time “just hanging with the fellas”? It’s terrifying. That’s why whenever a man wants to go out with his boys he has to give some long-winded story to justify the adventure:

See baby, John had a fight with his girl and he’s really in need right now. I don’t want to go but he’s making me. He’s really upset. You know we’ve been friends for 28 years and I really feel like I should be there for him right now. It’s going to suck. He’s so miserable and he’s going to make me miserable. Meanwhile, John is somewhere on the other side of the city telling his girl the same story about Jim. Twenty minutes later Jim and John are confirming the sob-story they’re going to tell their respective girlfriends later that night after they leave the Gentlemen’s Club.

You have to be a CIA operative just to have fun in a relationship. You definitely can’t be honest and simply look your woman in the eye and say, “Baby I love you but I need to go out and do some man sh*t!” Because finding out what she considers fun is lame as all hell will hurt her feeeeeelings – and no man wants to deal with a hurt woman’s feelings, bro.

I’m not a conspiracist but I am observant. In my daily adventures, I come across things that don’t make sense. Things that make me say “Hmmmmm?” Now I’m not accusing anyone (I am) but I’m pretty sure women are behind the creation of the following technological innovations for the sole purpose of ensuring the man in their life never has an ounce of fun without her knowing about it.

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1. GPS. An invention that allows her to know where you are 24-7? Need I say more…

2. Blackberry Messenger (BBM). You can’t turn it off and it automatically tells the sender you not only received but read their message? WTF!!!???!!! Only from the twisted, dark, conniving mind of a woman could such a contraption be contrived. 

3. Yahoo Mail. I’m old, so I still have a Yahoo email account. I can’t delete it because it’s my main email and people still contact me there. Here’s the thing about Yahoo mail, it’s a [Rooster]-blocker. Not that I condone cheating, but if you are going to cheat, don’t use Yahoo mail. If you  use Yahoo mail and you are unfaithful you will get caught. For instance, let’s say you and the wife are checking bank statements together and you delete a message in Yahoo. Do you know what Yahoo does? It automatically opens up the next message! This is fine if the next message is spam but if the next message is from your mistress, you’re going to have some splainin’ to do. Design flaw or female intuition?!? You tell me!

Conversely, when you delete a message in Gmail it automatically takes you back to the INBOX. Gmail, created by men, for men!

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4. DVR. Remember when DVR came out? Men thought we were winning. We can pause live TV!?! Men everywhere rejoiced! This triumph was short lived. Shortly after the introduction of DVR women, as they have a tendency to do, ruined the joy of men everywhere with a simple phrase: “Can’t you just pause it?”

Women, clearly the more evolved plotter thinker of the species, saw an opportunity to be able to make a man do whatever she wants whenever she wants because he doesn’t have an excuse like “the game is on.” Now the game can be paused. The fact that women can’t appreciate the difference between watching a live game and watching a game 2 hours later because she wanted you to help her pick out sconces on a Sunday is about as understandable as…well, about as understandable as women, which is needless-to-say, not understandable.

5. The Verizon Wireless Network. Have you ever wondered why in the hell the Verizon Wireless network is so damn reliable? I have. It was obviously created by women or Skynet or both! Think about it, ATT is a multi-billion dollar company. If they successfully acquire T-mobile, they will be the largest provider of cellular service in the United States by far. Despite this fact, you can’t get dependable cell service from ATT standing on top of an ATT cell tower – and I couldn’t be more grateful!

I am convinced that ATT purposely puts out crappy service so that men can always say “I’m sorry dear, I couldn’t get a signal.” when they need a timeout from their significant other. Thankfully, ATT is seeking to take over T-mobile so their crappy service can reach even further. In fact, I’m certain ATT’s only mission in life is to provide men everywhere with crappy service so they can have plausible deniability whenever their significant other asks why they didn’t answer the phone. I mean if your man is on ATT and refuses to join you on Verizon Wireless I’m not saying he’s cheating but…

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Call me paranoid if you want but I wouldn’t put anything past women. I’m sure there’s a League of Extraordinary Ladies somewhere who meet in an abandoned building disguised as a book club or PTA meeting where they discuss current and future plans for world domination. If it was up to them, all men everywhere would own DVRs and phones with built in GPS that run on the world’s most reliable network, Verizon Wireless. These are my theories but what are some other inventions that you are convinced were created by the opposite sex for the sole purpose of making your life more difficult?

I’m looking at you, bra inventor.


PS: I won’t be in town to comment on this post so I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and have a happy and safe New Year! I’ll see you all in 2012, our final year. As always, thanks for the love and support!

Comment(57)

  1. This is probably one of the best posts you’ve ever written. Not only true but hilarious.

    Ladies, ear muffs.

    WIM, get a black phone with T Mobile service. Trust me.

  2. So basically you’re saying that men are liars? Pretty much everything you listed is lamenting the limitations on a man’s ability to lie effectively. So…..truth is a woman thing. I can dig it.

    1. No he's saying that men are forced to lie more often due to women's sinister self-absorbed need to prevent men having fun.

      Women tell the biggest lies however, like "no I'm not seeing anyone" and "It's your baby".

      You should think before you post but then thinking and forming logical, rational thoughts is hard for women, after all it's a scientific, statistical fact that the vast majority of geniuses are men.

  3. LMAO men .. but yea BBM was clearly a female tool you will not ignore us nope !!

    The only women who don’t want you to have fun is one with no life of her own or she traded in a life of her own and made you the center of attention.

    I want my man to have fun I just get a little upset when it seems like you do all the cool exciting things with your friends and all we do is the same boring things lol lets be adventurous like you do with your friends(sex doesn’t count)

  4. I <3 the "misogyny". Especially the Verizon Wireless conspiracy 🙂 Thanks for the morning laugh, WIM.

    Re: yahoo mail, though. You can actually turn off that automatically opening the next message feature, and change it to back to your inbox.

    And if there were no bras, think of the knee-length breasts you'd see in the average 30-year-old woman.

  5. LOL! This reminds me of a Kevin Hart joke with the same premise.

    And I actually never really saw the need for a DVR. I always figured I'd just catch it later. But, after reading this, I don't think it'd be a bad thing to have, lol. So thanks for idea! 🙂

  6. LMAO!!! This was funny as hell!!!! But on a serious note, it's a bit sad too considering that this is the norm for some women (and men)….got a good friend who prides herself on being an awesome "detective" LOL…like some 007..Mission Impossible type of sh*t…but who wants to live like that? To feel like that? Why not just leave? U know…re-direct those creative "skills" elsewhere? Dept. of Homeland Security is always hiring 🙂

  7. This reminds me of an article I read years ago… http://www.salon.com/2008/05/27/rock_band/

    After my last girlfriend, I added to the list of dealbreakers for potential mates "Must have her own interests or hobbies". This fell between "Must not have father issues" and "Must have read a book for pleasure within the last 3 months".

    Hell, there are even things I won't count as hobbies. If I say "So, what are you into?" and I hear reading, music, cooking, and/or working out, I start planning an exit strategy. Reading and listening to music shouldn't even qualify. They're too…passive. There's no active involvement. If it's something you can do on your phone while standing in line at the bank, it shouldn't be considered a hobby. That's just my take.

    As for cooking and working out? That's like saying your hobby is self-preservation. You may as well list breathing as a hobby if that's the case.

    1. lol the thing is most women have lives and hobbies before they meet their man its once some women get a man they forget those things existed.

      And even if they do those hobbies their man is still on their mind heavy

      ex: kickboxing class at the gym "damn why did'nt he call me when I called him 5 min ago he better not be with the girl from work" , At a party with friends " I know he better answer my text message he didnt tell me he was going out tonight", doing vouleenteer work at the youth center " aww look at the kids me and him would make pretty babies, I know he bettter call me back in teh next 5 min."

      1. Yes, Smilez_920 you got me laughing hard cause that was me in my younger years. You can lose yourself in a man. Sad but true. It took time for me to learn that was not how it was suppose to be.

      1. That's totally missing the point. Don't have hobbies in order to have someone take an interest in you. Have hobbies because they interest you. Be your own complete person.

        1. You missed my point… I am obsessed with food eat, so I love to cook.. Curiosity is my middle name, so i am a dedicated reader… I always about chasing goals.. so it keeps me grinding in the gym… Oooh and I have a love affair with television… unapologetically LOL

          I was just interested to hear the other side of your perspective. LOL You can't seriously think I was seeking advice.

  8. "what are some other inventions that you are convinced were created by the opposite sex for the sole purpose of making your life more difficult?

    Facebook. Designed so she can go through your friend list or look at any woman that comments on a post you made. If one of your friends is more attractive than Star Jones, be prepared for 101 questions!

    1. Yep. What's so funny to me was I wasn't even the snoopy type but when fb came out in college and everything he did would pop all up in my face it was like it was asking me to look further. Who is this replying and laughing at all ur stupid jokes? And why do you still have that pic of you and your ex on here? Oh so you were at the bar doing body shots last nite?? and on and on.

    2. Men have a love hate relationship with Facebook and twitter , they love it because it gives them access to more booty, but they hate it because they get caught up on it nine times out of ten. To me if a man is bold enough to put it on FB then it’s nothin to worry about and if something filthy is going on it will come to light with out me playing Sherlock Holmes .

  9. Haha! This post is actually very funny, as a woman I can admit some of us do some cray detective-like things, but there are women who take it way tooo far and those women are insecure. I think women should let their men have fun with their boys. But, on a somewhat different but related note, I think women should BE MORE FUN and stop being so DAMN LAME. 1) go out with your man and have some beers, seriously, dont always order some fruity drink–get a single malt or beer; 2) play some COD, its actually very fun, and so is Madden, and believe it or not you can get good it at; 3) have sex frequently with your man and thats less time he will want to spend "going out with his boys," believe me; 4) if your not going to do these things and your going to be a lame that doesnt drink and just sits around and watches housewives, accept that your man is going to want to go out and hang with his fellas often. I also think women who go through their mans phone have security problems.

    To answer your question: women def. created the camera phone…i've had g/fs show me pics/videos like "ohh do you see XYZ's man hugged up on that grl saw him in the club and took a pic, should I send it?" My response: GTG def. not getting in that mess.

    1. If you look through the Bible, #3 is how just about every dude got got. Starting with Adam, he let a little ass get in the way of a good thing. Moreover, whenever I can't keep the girl off of me, I start thinking she doing it on purpose. Then I know in myself that I can't let some sex keep me from getting done what I got to get done and interacting with the rest of the world.

      #2 – Can't understand how a chick can swallow, but can't drink a damn beer to fit in. Never will understand this for the life of me. Drink some beer, don't get fat, and don't talk while doing it, is that hard?

      1. Agreed, except for the don't talk while doing it part…hey, that's asking for a lot now lol. I think it's only healthy for a man and a woman to get some guy/girl time or friend time regardless of the persons gender. But I am a firm believer in having commonalities with your partner. If your typical guy (sports lover, beer drinker, etc.) is dating a boring, "i don't go out or drink because I have enough fun by myself," and "don't you dare turn on that eagles game" girl, the guy is going to want to spend 95% of his time with his boys instead of a healthy 50%. General advice ladies, you'll need to do less stalking if your man truly enjoys your company and not just alone but in a group.

        Disclaimer: I do not encourage stalking. That whole I'm checking your phone, calling your friends thing….not a good look.

      2. Wow no one needs to drink to fit in I've had plenty good times being a non drinker (talking about peer pressure, I'm my own person an do what I like not what others want me to do, you want your girl to do some crack also to fit in?). And not not getting fat, how about you guys don't get fat either thinking those pillsbury dough guts are cute not at all!!!! While we're keeping it tight some of yall be losing it physically as well.

  10. Great post. I can't think of any other inventions but I am sure the men will go to town on this. I remember the days when I was that way. It wasn't until I met a male me that I realized this sh*t aint normal. Needless to say we didn't work out but I definitely had a new respect for everyone having their own time, space, and activities. That eat, breathe, sleep, you poo I wipe philosophy is for the birds.

  11. LOL that you know what sconces are. I imagine that because of this, the story in question was ripped from your real life 🙂 This gives me a hearty chuckle. Good post.

  12. I've been reading here and the intial entries seem to be perpetuated mindset of men "cake having"…lol For everything that I've read, somehow, somewhere, someway…she did it. Her, the women and the men are virtually the laid back, I didn't do it, not guilty calm party. Men are liars by birth. It's in their DNA. Now I will say it takes a woman growning and knowning GPSing that man won't stop ill intents but the operative stance is woman arriving. Even so, she's GPSing because she's got reason, she believes of needing to track and know his every move. She's got reason to believe he can't rightfully behave AND have fun unless he's with her, in eye sight. Now while I believe alllll of that is bullcrappery (tracking, insecure, etc.), men you have to know women ain't born with the crazies. There's a transfer of sorts during the dating stage.

    1. You know what's worse than being guilty 'til proven innocent? Hearing a woman say you're guilty because you're a man just like other men that have cheated. Oh and don't bother saying you've never cheated, it's I your DNA. You know what's even worse than that? Hearing the same woman complain that there are too many "Black women ought to…" posts and articles on the internet because all women aren't the same. Hmmm

    2. Cee: "Now while I believe alllll of that is bullcrappery (tracking, insecure, etc.), men you have to know women ain't born with the crazies."

      I beg to differ.

  13. I think a lot of this comes down to women just wanting to be just as important as everything else in your life. Women have to just be honest, they hate your phone because they want to be more important than a toy. They hate your boys because they want to be your life companion and to be the person who is closest to you. They hate your freedom because they want to be a part of it too. Man look at the story of creation… she f*cked up and was like, "Oh wait, why does Adam get to have a better relationship with God? We should have the SAME relationship." It's about priorities and in their mind, they should be #1 or #2 to God. That's just it, they should just come clean.

  14. Solution? Imitate the man. He wants to go out, you go out. He wants to be secretive, you be secretive. Do exactly what he does, just how he does it. Watch him start stalking and acting like a detective. I’ve found out, pretty much any problem you have with a man, dont argue, don’t accuse, don’t cry. Just do the same thing. Shit works like magic.

  15. You're a fool for this one, WIM! LOL! One of my favorite posts from you yet! My man once told me the biggest thorn in his side in the alleged fight for manhood freedom was Beyonce. He always said chicks who don't have Beyonce's face, body, or money always listen to her tracks and lose their mind. Freak 'Em Dress, Kitty Kat, Me, Myself, and I, Best Thing I Never Had, Ring The Alarm, and of course my personal favorite Single Ladies! (Hits classic hand out pose!)

    He claims ladies always get hype off Beyonce when they're ready to act out on their man or give him some type of ultimatum. It's like trap music for women. When we were dating he used to always tease me before we got married I would have to delete all my Beyonce before she gave me any ideas. Lol. And yeah I'll even agree that some chicks in the world might definitely turn this post from satire to gospel in real life, but let's not pretend women are the only ones that like to keep their significant other's love locked down. I've dated a few robocops myself. =)

  16. It's seems like fun is being covertly equated to cheating and if that is the case then quite naturally a monogamous woman would object.

  17. LOL! I need you guys to stop dealing with these evil women! Who doesn't want their man to have fun or have friends?! With the exception of sports, men and women jus tend to have fun in different ways! Its really ok. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that stuff right? I need my gurl time, just as much as you guy need your guy time. I say God Speed, tell Tyrone n 'nem I said Hi!

    On the other hand though, Facebook and Twitter are excellent snoop tools…if you're into that sort of thing.

  18. The only women who are fun to men, are women who can take a verbal beating, if your man doesn’t call you a ho in public he might respect you the way you want, he just doesn’t respect your sense of humor. To men, humor mostly comes at the expense of others. So being worried about feelings, ultimately sucks out all the fun out of the room.

    The fact that women believe that they deserve to be “talked to” in a certain way, ruins all the fun in a man’s life, because they literally are demanding a man have a filter or translator while addressing them, or they’ll protest. All this is why women mostly aren’t funny…and even the few women who are funny, are funny only to other women, not to men. How many women do you know that you call/text just to hear their funny/ridiculous opinion on an issue? How many girls can you make fun of based on their skin color, weight or sexual resume and not have to worry about getting side eyed for the rest of night?

    The problem with women is they have a lot of good intentions, but they’re solely based on how they feel, not based on the possible consequences, i.e. a girl who hates watching sports, but decides to sit down and endure torture so she can have more time with her man? She doesn’t think that her man really wanted to watch the game by himself or worse, that she’s ruining the game by asking dumb questions, like “What’s the score?” When the score is right there at the top of the screen? She doesn’t see how this eventually leads to a loss of fun for both of them.

    1. lol, I work in a field dominated by males so I understand your reasoning. However, there are men at workplace , who are very humerous without the necessity of debasing others. They seem to have such a natural knack or creativity for making others smile, including women, without the discomfort.

      1. You're taking me out of context. Dave Chappelle never debased anyone while doing the Chappelle show, but he had a field day making fun of Rick James. It has nothing to do with debasing, it just is that it always funnier to laugh at someone that at something. Plus, the purpose of making a joke, isn't for people to laugh (this is the other reason why women aren't funny lol), it's because it's funny to you and you want to share it, people smiling or laughing at your joke is simply a desirable consequence.

  19. WIM, I thought technology was a GREAT thing….no? lol. While it does make some indiscretions easier, it makes getting caught doing those indiscretions even easier. Delightful post!

  20. I know I'm late but here's my 2 cents….
    btw Wis that Verizon comment was funny as hell…lol
    Simply put it's not that women don't want men to have fun…..it's that they feel very strongly that men's fun will lead them astray ie cheating and doing things they shouldn't be doing that will hurt the woman they have at home.
    This is the reason why some women do not trust their man to go out and hang with his friends and question him about staying at work too late.
    The sad truth is that unfortunately quite a few times when a man does hang out with his friends he may end up doing something his lady/wife would be very hurt and upset about and would not approve of. Even if it's something as innocent as flirting with other women or dancing with other women or buying them drinks or taking their number. To a woman all those things are the same as physical cheating. Or the woman thinks he will do something stupid and wreckless and get himself killed, hurt, or in jail. Especially if his friends are "hood niggs."

  21. Yah… Yahoo mail got me caught too. It keeps you permanently logged in so if you ever forget to log out she sees all your emails.

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