Home Featured Five Unimportant But Important Things Men and Women Look For In Each Other

Five Unimportant But Important Things Men and Women Look For In Each Other


Let’s be honest, for most of us, a great deal of time and energy is spent trying to make ourselves attractive to the opposite sex. Sure, we are who we are, we like what we like and most times, attractiveness is born out of the chemistry created when two individual’s je nes se quoi gets a chance to meet and greet. By now I’m sure we all know the important qualities we should be looking for in potential mates, we know the deal-breakers. In today’s post, I want to talk about things we all notice that aren’t really that important, but can go a long way toward separating the best from the rest.

5. Good Shoes (Fellas)

Don't Let This Happen To You

Any discerning woman will tell you: you can always tell by the shoes. So much of who a person is comes out in what they put on their feet when they leave the house. Fellas, there are basically three aspects to making sure your shoe game is up to par.

I. The first is quality. Back in high school, and for some, even in college, we only wore suits a couple times a year so it wasn’t really necessary to buy expensive shoes. As adults, it’s imperative. I’m not saying you have to break your bank, but you need to make sure you’re buying shoes that are going to last. It’s easy to tell a pair of cheap shoes. The leather is flimsy, the laces are like cardboard, and the souls leave rubber marks all over people’s floors. Don’t be that guy.

II. The second thing to look for when buying shoes is style. I could talk a whole lot about this but, in the interest of time, just a few quick points:

a) Match your shoes to your suit. Without exception, you wear black shoes with a black suit and brown shoes with a blue suit. Navy and black don’t match – ever. Grays can kind of go either way if you pull it off right.

b) Unless you’re a pimp, like, a real one, animal prints or faux animal prints are not acceptable and patent leather is only acceptable if you’re wearing a tuxedo.

c) Laces are your friend. If you’re a shoe buying novice, stick with shoes with laces when buying shoes to go with your suit. Some fashion forward folks know how to make laceless shoes look really good with a suit, but, most folks fail miserably. You can’t go wrong with laces.

III. Finally, the last thing to be cognizant of as it relates to your shoes is their upkeep. If you’ve spent a pretty penny on some good shoes that go perfectly with your various suits, you want to keep them looking clean. Get to know the shoe shine man on your way to work let him work out any scuffs that might occur throughout the course of your day. Be careful not to let him give them an unnatural shine, but let him do his job. If the heels start to lean, but the rest of the shoe is fine, get the heels changed – it’s not expensive and it makes a huge difference. Lastly, when they’re gone they’re gone. Don’t be afraid to retire shoes.

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See The Difference?

4. Perfect Make-Up (Ladies)

I think it’s standard procedure for men to say that we like a woman who looks good without wearing make up. While this is true, it’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, we like a woman who looks good without make up, but we also like that same woman to know how to enhance her look with the right kind and amount of make up applied in the right places. A good contrasting eye shadow here to bring out your eye color, and a good blush or tinted moisturizer there to remind us how strong and defined your cheek bones are goes a long way. The man you want notices these things. We also notice when you go full L-Boogie on us with the extra-colorful, caked on clown make up. Sure, those ladies in the MAC store look really hot when we’re walking through the mall and see them from afar. But up close, they look like “IT”, and that’s just scary. (shout out to the Stephen King fans)

Nothing Beats A Perfectly Tailored Suit

3. Ability to Wear a Suit. (Fellas)

It’s amazing to me how many men have no idea how to wear their suit. Like with shoes, the first step to wearing your suit is choosing your suit. Again, could do a whole post on this but, here are some key points:

I. Unless you’re being drafted into a professional sports league, your suit should never, ever have more than 3 buttons. If you have a suit with more than three buttons, no matter how good you think it looks on you, go throw it away.
II. Different suits for different occasions. Having one or two suits for every occasion is for teenagers, but many men don’t realize this. A good way to separate yourself from the rest of the pack is to have suits for different occasions. Stick with more traditionally cut and fit suits for work, and be a little more adventurous with your suits for going out.
III. No matter how good you think your suit fits off the rack, have it tailored. At the very least, let the tailor hem the pants and shorten the sleeves. It makes a huge difference, trust me. If you’ve bought a decent suit, you’ve probably spent more than $500.00, another $40 to $60 to have it tailored isn’t going to kill you and many department stores will do some alterations for free if you don’t know a good tailor (though it’s worth the money if you do know a decent tailor.)

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If you’re not the most fashion forward guy, but still want to look like you know what you’re doing, suits are your best friend. You should buy as many good suits as you can afford for all the different occasions you might be invited to. You’ll always look good, and if you’re worried about being overdressed you can always just not wear a tie. For women, a man in a great fitting suit is the next best thing to a man in uniform.

2. Is a nice person. (Ladies)

You ladies would be surprised at how many of y’all are just plain mean. Men have had to deal with mean women for most of our lives. Most of our mothers (bless their hearts) were our primary disciplinarians and we had mean teachers through all our years of schooling. Men are so conditioned to deal with some women’s inherent meanness that being nice is not even a requirement, it’s a bonus. Ladies, if you want to separate yourself from the rest of the pack, just be nice. If you’re getting the run around on the phone with some customer service representative in some far off land, and we’re sitting there listening, overcome them with niceness. If we’re at the restaurant and the waitress “thinks she’s cute” and doesn’t want to provide the type of service you’re accustomed to, don’t  spend the whole evening pointing out her deficiencies to us, we noticed it too, we still want to have a good time, so instead just be extra nice. This is important to us because we realize that, if you and I are together for a long time, at some point, we’re going to fall out of your immediate favor. When that happens, we wanna know that you’ll still be nice to us too as we work through whatever issues we’re having.

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1. Has a Plan and Knows How to Execute (Men)

Just as men are used to women being a little mean, women are used to men being terrible planners. If you want to show a woman that you’re different and a little better than all the rest of the dudes out there – that you care and are worth her investment, present her with a plan. Most women are riders, they are loyal and supportive and are team players. They will follow you through the gates of hell so long as you told them beforehand that y’all would be making a pit stop in hell on the way to wherever it is you’re ultimately going. This starts of course with your first date. The first time you take a woman out, have everything planned from beginning to end. Be on time – even if she’s not, know where your going, and what you’re doing. You don’t have to be anal or Nazi-ish about it, just make it clear that everything that’s happening is all part of your plan for the evening. This shows you care about the two of you having a good time while getting to know each other and she’ll appreciate you for it. Do it consistently and she’ll start to trust you … with everything.

So there you have it. Ladies, what are some things you think you can do that aren’t really important in the grand scheme of things, but are still added bonuses for the guy you’re with, and what are some of the unimportant things you look for in men? Fellas, what are the unimportant but kind of important things you look for in the women you deal with, and what are the things you do to try to separate yourself from the rest of these heathens out here.

Lastly, y’all know what I rep. New York Giants all day. A lot of y’all didn’t believe, and a lot of y’all teams are home chilling right now. One more to go, so until Super Bowl Sunday … you know what to do: stay low and keep firing.


  1. Cosign, absolutely. Well-written as usual! My favorite one is the one for men, make sure you have a plan-tooooo many times I find myself dealing with dudes who want you to be subservient and follow them, but they don't know where the hell it is they're going! Can't come up with a meeting place, a time, or even a mode of transportation..
    I'm all about giving a man space to be a man..but he has to do just that, be a man.

    Great Post!


  2. […] look like “IT”, and that’s just scary. (shout out to the Stephen King fans)

    You don't want to know how many years that damn book kept me shook about heading to my basement. 0_0

    Nice list. I like #1 in particular. A man with a plan is très appealing, and would go far. A man who looks well put-together according to your list would also gain major points. As for mine, my brain is currently on strike, so I may have to return with one later in the day.

  3. #2 is definitely true. I think it just stems from ALOT of women (men2) holding on to past negative situations. I could say be “nicer” and everything will be ok, but being nice brought me a$$holes. So IMHO, the best option is just to “let go” & be at peace w/ being single status. Its just better to be stay positive.

    P.s Great Post Most! 🙂

  4. Expensive shoes should have toe and heel plates. Your heel never wears down, just the plates and you replace them when they start wearing. It costs like $10 per shoe each time, but well worth your the time and minimal expense to keep your shoes in tip-top shape.

    At all times, well-groomed hair (head, eyebrows etc…) and nails (toes and fingers) are a necessity over here. if men notice that a woman’s hair is regularly/often disheveled and her nails ragged or both are only on point on special occasions, that is likely as good as it gets. 5 yrs later, she might not even be well groomed on special occasions.

  5. Omg #1 for men is sooo true. Love a man with a plan.

    #2 kinda confuses me a little bit. Just cuz I get complimented on my niceness A LOT. Several times guys have told me that my level of niceness/friendliness does not correlate with my level of attractiveness. And asked me how/ why that came to be. I never know how to answer them so I just change the subject. My question is… are girls really out there being mean to dudes? Just off principle? And if they are, did their mothers not teach them anything? And are guys really out there just accepting this behavior or going along with it… Just cuz she’s cute?

    Enlighten me. Please.

    1. For me, it's not that women are mean to me, it's the general meanness that comes out in situations like the ones I gave as examples in the post.

      I've met many a woman who were complete sweethearts until you see how they treat people in service positions. I've sat in on many a conversation with a customer service rep who's gotten screamed on just for doing their job.

      The point I was trying to make is that nice-ness stands out.

  6. First time commenter alert! 🙂 I'm not trying to open a can o' worms or change the subject completely, but I flat out asked the last guy I dated for just one GENERAL difference between single black women and single white women. His answer – "a sweet demeanor" – floored me, but stuck in my mind like a burr. It certainly mirrors number 2 above. Of course there are mean (and nice) women of all races, but his answer really made me reflect on how nice I am to the men (and women) around me.

    (Side note – I just read the disclaimer at the bottom of the comment field. "In other words, play nice and sh*t." Love it! Let's all make a conscious decision to do just that today and everyday!)
    My recent post 2011/Never again

    1. Whoa, let's be clear, my # 2 is not race specific. I'm not talking about black women or white women. I'm just saying in general lots of women have this serious mean streak that comes out every so often…

      Definitely don't want this to go too far left.

      1. No worries, I didn’t interpret anything as being race specific. I was only making a connection to a general, but thought-provoking statement that another guy said.

        1. lol I don't know why people think white women don't have attitude. I've worked in retail and customer service, and some of these white woman will give a black woman a run for her money in attitude. When women no matter what race,size,religion or height dont get their way it can turn ugly.

        2. One guys opinion is…..ONE GUY’S OPINION. Based on his limited experience, biases, knowledge, lack thereof, neuroses, trauma,etc. Just because a guy made a general statement about women does not make it true, or even though provoking.

    2. I'll tell you what: every Black man I've known who'se made a comment about Black women and their attitudes as a reason to date a different race….has been boo'd up with the most evil, ratchet non-Black women I've ever encountered. A co-worker at my previous job told me that. Wouldn't you know this bamma stayed coming to work with scratches on his neck and just generally busted from his white woman? Trage-comedy.

  7. "a) Match your shoes to your suit. Without exception, you wear black shoes with a black suit and brown shoes with a blue suit. Navy and black don’t match – ever. Grays can kind of go either way if you pull it off right.

    b) Unless you’re a pimp, like, a real one, animal prints or faux animal prints are not acceptable and patent leather is only acceptable if you’re wearing a tuxedo.

    c) Laces are your friend. If you’re a shoe buying novice, stick with shoes with laces when buying shoes to go with your suit.

    I. Unless you’re being drafted into a professional sports league, your suit should never, ever have more than 3 buttons."

    I'm nominating to have these amended to the Constitution at the next Man Law meeting.

  8. *Looking down at my black shoes and blue slacks*

    Message to self: Must buy a pair of brown dress shoes before the end of the week.

    Thanks for the heads up homie. This is a great post. You hit the “mean girl” aspect right on the head. I don’t think some women are aware how far a pleasant and positive attitude can go with a man. I know I’m always a bit surprised when I meet a beautiful women with an attitude and demeanor to match. It truly is a breath of fresh air.

  9. Very good advice man. I was looking into getting a tailored suit yday. I just don’t think I cant afford that right now. But I do want one for my wedding in June bc my rental tux just isn’t fitting how I want it to.


  10. Yes a man with a suit and dress shoes is a must. There are men out here with $250 pairs of sneakers and not one nice pair of dress shoes.

    1) A man with a plan. This is key, especially with first dates. Nothings worse than going on a first date with no plan or destination. Having a plan shows that you put some effort in our outing. Plus it lets me know that you know how to take charge and make things happen. (Side note men: while you might think it’s easier just to let her choose the first date, remember your trying to get to know her and you don’t want to be in a situation where she picks a restaurant or spot that is not in your first date price range, and then things could become awkward)

    2) Be Nice: Understandable. I think people tend to get intimidated when women get a little mean. But a lot of time were not trying to be mean we just want to let people know were serious. As far as that restaurant example I agree, just chill and ignore the waitress ladies, but in the mean time, while your woman is still playing nice you should find the manager and ask for a new waiter just to keep things going smooth.

  11. Round of applause for this entire post.
    I would like to add on #5 for the ladies. We should be more mindful of our shoe game as well. Run over and cheap shoes don't look good on anyone. No one is saying you should only wear red bottoms, but quality shoes go a long way in completing the most basic of outfits.
    Good Post Mr Sprads.
    My recent post No Excuses

  12. I wish I could say we're beating a dead horse at this point with the whole planning thing….but we're not, lol. Really, what I thought when a man would ask to spend time with me, then have absolutely no ideas for how we would spend that time together I thought:
    a) He doesn't really like me that much. "Uh, ionno, what do YOU want to do?" can easily lead to "we're just gonna kick it at my place." No sir, we're not. We're going somewhere in public. I don't know you from a can of paint.
    b) He's an imbecile.

    Also, good job pointing out that uniform thing. My hubs is just now getting his suit game together because he's entering the civilian world, but nothing compares to seeing him in his combat fatigues or his dress blues. And don't let him be packing a firearm. Wooooh Lawd!

  13. Love the plan thing. I cosign that. I don’t put a lot of stock in a man’s shoes, the cut of his suit or how many buttons. Actually, a man who looks too perfect gets a side eye from me. Perfect shoes, really nice suit, every hair in place, facial hair with a razor sharp edge, clean nails, minty fresh breath……I dont trust him. Gonna have to pass. I think hes either in the closet, a player, or has some serious emotional issues. I like a guy who is just a little off physically. Shoes scuffed, maybe needs a haircut, shirt fits a little too loose. Too fastidious about the appearance screams “issues”.But that’s just me.

    On being nice. Great, just don’t be too nice. Nice people finish last. I don’t wear makeup, can’t comment there.

    1. Oh, I forgot to say. The #1 most important thing that makes me think of a man as boyfriend/possible husband material is his word. Do you say what you mean, mean what you say. Do you keep your word and do your words match your actions. A guy who plays fast and loose with his words gets relegated to temporary place holder till a real man comes along.

  14. "Unless you’re being drafted into a professional sports league, your suit should never, ever have more than 3 buttons. If you have a suit with more than three buttons, no matter how good you think it looks on you, go throw it away." <<<<<<<<<< THIS!!!!!

    "Most women are riders, they are loyal and supportive and are team players. They will follow you through the gates of hell so long as you told them beforehand that y’all would be making a pit stop in hell on the way to wherever it is you’re ultimately going. If you want to show a woman that you’re different and a little better than all the rest of the dudes out there – that you care and are worth her investment, present her with a plan. Do it consistently and she’ll start to trust you … with everything." <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YES! YES! YES! And, ladies, make-up should look as natural as possible. Its an enhancer…not an opportunity to have a whole new face, lol…

    1. We had this one chick in our circle who would pull magic acts in the bathroom, we used to joke she had the Harry Potter make-up line cuz she would go in looking kinda trollish and come out looking like Donna Summers, lol. Wouldn't you know she turned out to be a pathalogical liar. SMH.

  15. a man's shoes are like a man's watch to me. i only notice if they're really nice or really jacked. other than that, unless they're lighting up when he walks or some other craziness, i don't really notice.

    i DO notice clothing. clothing is important to me. suits are hot. never knew the having more than 3 buttons thing though. i dated a 30 yo man once that didn't own a suit or dress shoes. lawd. we'd had so many arguments. lmbo. as long as he has style, it's cool for me.

    having a plan is important and more specifically, having plans tailored to my likes wins enormous points.

    good post.
    My recent post The Randomness: Hair, Juicing, and Awesome Documentaries

  16. Number 5 is spot on for EVERYONE!

    Shoes are quite important. Even if you can't afford the most expensive pair, save a little and buy one pair of quality and take care of them as mentioned in the post. If you can spend (insert however much Jordan's cost) on a pair of sneakers, you should have no problem making an investment in a nice dress shoe. You can get a great pair from Hugo Boss for right around $200 which look great with suits and more casual looks.

    The same actually goes for the ladies as well. You may not realize it- but the fellas are checking out your footwear. Men notice when a woman's got a killer shoe game…but they also notice when a woman's shoes are too small, too big, and overworked. If your shoe is too big, as in there is a noticeable gap in the back or it flops off of your feet, get some insoles. They go a long way. If they are too small-give em up. Hanging over the edge (front or back) or cramping your toes so much that they leave an imprint is never cute. Ever. And just like the guys, maintain your shoes. Get them re-soled or re-heeled as needed. If taken to a good shoe place, they can usually take care of any unsightly scuffs on the shoe or wear on the heel as well.
    My recent post Wear to Work: Vince Camuto “Oneda”

      1. I agree and disagree here. Shoes are kinda like zodiac signs. You meet someone, get to know them, then find out their zodiac sign and you're like… "hmmm… kinda makes sense that you're a ____."

        Thing is, if you meet a guy and he's dressed nice, and his shoes are nice, there's not much to be gleaned from that. And if you meet a guy and he's dressed kinda scraggly and his shoes match, nothing to be gleaned there either. But if you meet a guy and he's dressed nice, but his shoes look like the ones pictured above, chances are he's trying to portray himself as something he's not. He's try to sell you something. What, you can't know, but it should be cause for concern.

        And it's not just about buying nice shoes. It's also just about keeping whatever you have on your feet looking nice. You could have on a pair cheap joints, but if they're shined, the heel is straight and the laces aren't all frayed – you're probably good to go (as long as you don't scuff up my floors).

        This is why this is on the "unimportant but important" list. It's not quite a deal breaker, but definitely something worth noticing.

      2. I agree it probably is a "shoe people" thing and I'm ok with that.

        I suppose for me it's a details thing. It really makes me sad to see a guy who put effort into his look but dropped the ball when it came to the shoes. It isn't a dealbreaker or anything but I notice the details on a man. So yes the suit is great, but I'm probably paying more attention to the tie, pocket square, tie clip, cufflinks, socks, and shoes. That's just me though.

        1. ditto for me. I appreciate the details. I'm detail oriented also and when a man notices the extra touches I make, I like it a lot too!!!
          My recent post Zoom

  17. Round of applause for this entire post.__I would like to add on #5 for the ladies. We should be more mindful of our shoe game as well. Run over and cheap shoes don't look good on anyone. No one is saying you should only wear red bottoms, but quality shoes go a long way in completing the most basic of outfits.__Good Post Mr Sprads.

  18. Sometimes I read posts like this and feel like a heathen.lol.

    I don't have to wear suits often. But when I do, the shirt tie game is mean. Shout out to Men's Wearhouse for taking my money over the years and helping me to be great. I'd rather pay a little more to have someone present a bunch of options to me, than be in a store for like 2 hours trying to figure stuff out.

    I'm also very simple with shoes. Like, the utmost of simplicity. If my shoes aren't sufficient for someone, we aren't meant to be. I believe in being neat, clean, and confident. I leave all the forward fashion to those that actually care.

    Honestly, I don't have any qualities for women that would fall under the category here. Be nice, be well-kept, be fun, have a sense of humor. If those things are taken care of, a lot of the other stuff really doesn't matter to me. Simplicity for the win
    My recent post Plain Truth: Why You Shouldn’t Put Bloggers on Pedestals

  19. just HAD to throw it in about the Gmen didnt ya! did YOU really believe Superbowl after the losing skid in the middle of the season? 😉

    i think the response fellas got on twitter on #twitpicyourselfinasuit day, is cause enough for the fellas to know that it indeed is real!! there are plenty of things men could look great/sexy in..but a suit? yeah. you know that je-ne-sais-croix that your Prez has? that's what it is when a man pulls off a suit.

    and as a planner, i can say that it is important to have a plan. spontaneous can be fun, but if you want me dressed appropriately (read: wearing the right shoes), a plan is key. and shows thought. so simple, but goes a very far way.
    My recent post the rebuttal: who cheats more – men or women?

  20. I don't care about a man's shoes and I don't wear makeup regularly (mainly for shows or fancy outings), but I do care about a man's ability to plan and follow through (wouldn't call that an unimportant thing at all), and I am definitely aware that sometimes females miss out on the basic of being nice people. But, that can be said for men as well.

    But I know most people worry about these things and I can understand why. 🙂 Great post.

    1. Was going to say pretty much the same thing. Especially about the part that men can be mean too. The first sign of a good person is that even though s/he tells you they don't like someone, they treat that person with respect. No need to be rude.

      I'm an over-thinker so I can't be mean to anyone or I'll spend the next night thinking about how mean I was.

  21. Ladies should take #2 as gospel. A stank attitude will kill a pretty face/bangin body quick. And I know this is a list of unimportant things that people notice, but it bears repeating:

    As a man, I think the biggest thing you can do for yourself is have confidence. Your clothes or anything else won't help you if you talk like a mouse and carry yourself as if you don't have a spine.

  22. I notice chivalry – does he hold the door for me, does he walk (or at least offer to walk) me to my car, etc. It's not that I put a whole lot of stock in these things per se, but I have seen that a man that DOESN'T do these things usually has other very selfish, or at least oblivious, behaviors.
    My recent post Cancel My Subscription, I’m Over Your Issues

  23. Let’s be clear if I don’t need a suit for work why am I spending $500? Just who is gonna call me out if I dont have one? I work a manual labor job and in some cases I find I make more than guys in suits. Aside from the financial crowd most men in “suits” are in cheap ones. We are talking basic “s-m-l” shirts. Basic black pants and basic “church” shoes, total cost a little over $150.. I own a few real shirts, neck and arm measurements and all but I dont really own a suit. If I need to interview I dress to that industry’s ideal of a suit. And it’s different per industry. You’ll neve catch a film maker looking like a young Warren Buffet. We don’t need to. In fact over dressing can kill your interview. It. comes off as snobbish.

    Which is how I would think any women approving of my $500 suit. If I don’t need to wear it for work why do I have one?

    Look at the old school, notice they worked nasty manufacturing gigs. Wearing a suit was a relief. Not so much today. I have several office gigs. Dress code was über casual.

    I don’t have a problem with suits but in this economy 5 bills for a suit when I’m making 3 times that in Dickie’s is a bit much. Need a middle ground.

    Btw I only own 3 pairs of kicks all of were replacements brought in 2011.

    1. Aye homey, I don't knock you for your choices in attire, but I will say this: I've always found it strange that folks who chose not to put a great deal of stock into what they wear always feel the need to talk about how much money they make.

      It's always like, "oh, I don't spend money on clothes, but I bet I make way more money than most of you guys who do." That's cool bro, I'm always happy to see someone caking, but making money, and deciding to dress nice are mutually exclusive.

      Regardless of my income, I'm always gonna be well put together. That's just who I am, has nothing to do with money or being snobbish. I remember in 4th grade once a month I would wear my one little suit to school. My friends would as me why, and I'd say "Just because." It's a style choice not a financial choice. It's been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember.

      And I don't think $500.00 is expensive for a suit. If you bought a shirt, tie, pants and blazer from a regular store like banana republic it would probably run you that much. Where does one find a suit for $150.00?

      Keep doing your thing tho… get that paper. I never knock the hustle.

      1. "Where does one find a suit for $150.00? "

        K&G's , lol! Not sure how large the chain is, but I know my Ohio folk know what I'm talmbout, lol.

        1. We've got that here in the DC area. If you are withing a good distance or willing to take a trip, check out places like the Haggar stores at the outlets. Sometimes you can get two suits for $150, and their Black Label stuff is both nice and affordable.

    2. I think you're right it does depend on your industry. My dad is a truck driver, he doesn't own a suit. But he has nice slacks and shirts (mainly from what I give him) and he looks nice. If you wear it confidently it doesn't matter all that much.
      My recent post My Brother Died…

      1. Doesn’t matter what industry you work in, you should always have at least two pairs of dress pants and 2 dress shirts (the basics). You never know where you might be invited too where jeans and a shirt won’t cut it.

        @Most: you remind me of my little brother with the picture day suit lol. He’s in 6th grade and took his pictures yesterday. He had on a suit, dress shoes and a tie all his friends where like "why are you wearing a suit"

  24. I'ma tell you something Most…..

    How could you post a pic of that drawn-on eyebrow having, questionable hairline sporting, lip gloss is poppin' bamma Ne-yo when referencing how men should look? You know he's a bad example! lol!

  25. I walked into work and saw a man with black shoes and navy pants, I had a nice little chuckle as I passed him.
    things that I notice:
    1) Men that smile. If you're permanently mean-mugged I keep a wide berth.
    2) His jeans. Men with weird washes, uber skinny jeans, loud decals… I don't even know how to handle that.
    3) if he gives up his seat on the metro.
    4) If he tithes at church.

    I don't base my entire assessment on these 4 things, but I do notice them.
    My recent post Tonight is the Night

    1. THIS list!!!

      my book has a whole paragraph in which a woman analyzes men based on the type of jeans they wear. i had so much fun writing that. lmbo.

      and yes. giving up your seat on the subway is everything. i ALWAYS notice when an older woman walks on to see if anyone will stand. men in NY are mad rude. it's so nice to see one that isn't.
      My recent post The Randomness: Hair, Juicing, and Awesome Documentaries

    2. You're 1 & 2 are on my list!

      A smile will take me out the game, lol. Especially men with "smiling eyes"…SWOON SWOON SWOON!!!!

  26. The only thing I can think to add right now is wrinkled clothes. You'd think this would be a given but some people….. This guy tried to holla at me once and he was wearing the most wrinkled-est shirt ever. I clowned so hard but I still gave him my number. Another dude at one of my jobs used to wear the most wrinkled stuff. We never spoke to each other but I always wondered what went on at his house every morning. You never notice something like ironing unless somebody doesn't do it.

    1. Girl, please tell my husband this. He JUST got out of wearing wrinkly clothes when…actually he stopped when I started doing his laundry, lol. He was quick to pull a shirt from underneath the bed, dust it off and try to put it on. I don't even iron, but if I fold/hang quick enough after they come out the dryer we're all good.

      1. lol That dude only got my number because he had a good excuse but dudes ought to realize that they won't always be so lucky. We stay ironing clothes around here though. No matter how quick I pull stuff out of the dryer, it comes out wrinkly. Idk, maybe it's because I don't use fabric softener.

  27. I think all 5 of these are great, although like someone else said, i would only notice shoes if they were really nice or really beat up.

    HAVING A PLAN IS SO IMPORTANT – sorry for the caps, but this is major and extremely important to most women.

    Also, follow through is important. I can't stand when a guy constantly talks about what he's going to do and where he's going to go, but never follows through or takes action. I notice this right away. A guy that's all talk is a turn off.

    Other things I notice that might set a guy apart from the rest:
    – Thoughtfulness
    – Good hygiene (clean ears, nose hairs trimmed, you get the point…)
    – Chivalry

    I'm also more of a clothes girl, so I notice how a guy dresses vs. his shoes. Not being able to "dress" isn't a deal breaker, but it definitely sets a man apart in my book.

    For me, I think what usually sets me apart is being thoughtful, sweet, constantly keeping things fresh and interesting by changing my hair intermittently (keeping it looking nice), dressing fashionably without being too provocative and if my guy says he likes a certain color I wear, perfume, lipstick or whatever, I try to incorporate it into my look every now and then. Oh and cooking.
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  28. Oh yeah, seeing WIM's vid reminded me that glasses are important too. I can't give a lot of pointers on how to pick the right ones for your face shape or anything, just make sure you keep them joints clean and taken care of. Another dude was trying to holla at me another time and was going on and on about his big azz house and all this other nonsense. I was just looking at him the whole time like "but why didn't you get new glasses though?" They were all scratched up and coming out the frame. I swear I saw some super glue dried up on em. SMH. Fail.

  29. I agree with this list here. Can't argue any of these points. I will say, I have some really nice shoes and then I have some ones that aren't all that neat or shined. It's just what look i'm going for that day. There are days that I throw on pretty bummy clothes to do things that need doing. Like i don't know if you've ever noticed but looking bummy is the dress code at Whole Foods. People lowkey judge you if you are too fashionisto/a in there. So you have to throw on the Birkenstocks, baggy jeans and hoodie and go in there.

    1. Hi Dr. J!

      You are so right about the Whole Foods thing. I came out of there one day and saw a Bentley in the lot. I was thinking nobody in there looked like they would be driving this. It was the dress code! lol

      1. What it is Krystl!

        Yeah it's like either you look like a bum or you look like you just came from yoga or spin. The only exception is looking like you just came from a jog. I love that place though.

    2. This.

      Im definitely a navy blue/black shoes dude. lol. when I wear my business casual, i dont really play those rules only when I truly "care" about how I'm looking. When i wear a suit I pay extra attention to detail.

      Shoe upkeep is serious though. The russians by my house that fix up my shoes always scold me when I bring them shoes that are hurt lol "My friend why dont you bring these earlier?!" (._.)

      Question. What types of browns are good and what types arent. I love the cherry wood red shoes but should you wear a different hue for navy blue? Are there rules?

      I would also add that unless you got drafted to the NBA or NFL, baseball caps and suits are a NO GO!!!!!

      The accessory game should be on point too. A classy nice watch or a time and place appropriate watch will always compliment what you wear!
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      1. I love cherry wood colored shoes. They go great with blue suits and are really great with grey suits as well.

        The only thing I would avoid, as far as browns are concerned, are the really light browns, especially during the winter. It's not a rule thing though, you can do it, I just think it's too much of a contrast for my taste.

        1. Agreed on the baseball caps too. Crazy B. If you ain't holding up a jersey next to the commish… kill ya self if you wear a baseball cap and a suit.

  30. Sidebar: Is this a repost from TLF? I went to check to make sure I was remembering right but something Asian came up. This is a head's up in case you didn't know Most.

  31. I agree with your top 5 Most….but lets be real……at the end of the day whats impnt to men is Looks and whats impnt to women is Money and that a man is a good provider.
    I know many a man who got with "fly girlz" and pyt's and hott video chicks who were straight bitc** and they knew it but openly admitted that they got with the chick cause she was fine as hell and had a bangin body or whatever. Now granted they may not stay with the woman forever and eventually they get tired…..but bottom line is they continue to pass by the avg looking chicks and chubby chicks who are really "nice." The sad but true reality is that in many aspects of life all human beings almost always opt for what we "want" instead of what we "need."

  32. And the reason why a mans shoes and clothes and seeing him in a suit is impnt to women is because it represents his wealth…..a busted looking man in cheap looking clothes represents a "bum" and a "scrub" and a broke azz man to women. A man in a nice suit and expensive looking clothes and shoes and jewelry represent wealth to a woman.

    1. Not always. Especially to someone like me who has no idea what anything beyond what I've bought for others costs. I don't know that I would be able to tell an extremely expensive suit/watch/pair of shoes apart from one that was moderately priced if both look good on the man in question. A busted man in cheap looking clothes will lose more points for lacking visual appeal than for being potentially non-wealthy. I do care about a man's earning potential, but that's not what I'm assessing at first glance.

      1. Naija thats good that you care more about money. Not everyone is the same. I try not to generalize.
        However more people are like this than are not. And it’s not necessarily and all bad thing. Nobody wants to struggle in a relationship financially.

  33. I'm sorry it needs to be said Eva Marcels makeup looks like something someones old grandma would wear. Her lipstick is dark and not very pleasing. I agree that your makeup shouldn't be as dramatic as Kim's but your face doesn't need to be done like you're an old women.

  34. Great post! Best of all is the section about the need for a plan. Either you have a plan, or you don't look freaked out when I make suggestions – suck it up if you didn't plan ahead!
    My recent post Utmaning

  35. #1 thing a women can do is let you know when on their way if they will be late a quick goes a long way. It shows us two things ladies I am a considerate person and I want to spend time with you.Not a deal breaker because mean are conditioned from a young age to wait for you especially if we have a sister or sisters.__


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