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For The Woman I’ll Love: Thinking About You

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A few weeks ago, Slim Jackson wrote Do Men Think About Their Wedding Day? Because I haven’t thought much about my wedding day, the post actually made me think about the mortality of my parents. While EBM came under fire for expressing similar sentiments, I couldn’t care less about my wedding day. It’s one day. I’m worried about the marriage. I’m focused on the “until death do us part” part.

Over the years, some women I’ve dated have accused me of being too caught up in the future. They’re right. It’s pretty difficult for me to focus on the day to day if I haven’t figured out the year to year. I sometimes struggle in relationships and have ended some, perhaps even preemptively, if I realized early on that I couldn’t see forever with a particular woman.



I recently heard Frank Ocean’s Thinking About You; the words, especially the chorus, inspired me to think about the woman I’ll one day Love. Some believe she exists in nothing more than my imagination. Others are outright rooting for this to be true but I’ve never harbored such doubts myself. I believe in love, happiness, and yes, forever. I’ve seen healthy and happy relationships demonstrated in my parents 30 year marriage and in my great aunt’s 70 year marriage just to name a few. You can focus on the 50% divorced if you choose. I’ve chosen to focus on the 50% married. I’ve always believed my future wife and I are being drawn toward one another by a force I can neither understand or control; more than anything I’ve ever desired in my life, I look forward to loving her…

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A tornado flew around my room before you came
Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn’t rain
In Southern California, much like Arizona
My eyes don’t shed tears, but boy they bawl
When I think about you

The Past – I’ve broken a few hearts in my day. I spent years chasing the inconsequential. I was insensitive, selfish, and insecure. I was … a boy. One day, I had my own heart broken. I deserved it. For years, pain hemorrhaged relentlessly from the wounds of my broken heart, enough to debilitate emotionally without actually killing. I realized I wasn’t worthy of you, yet. I had to grow up. In time, I accepted I had to prepare myself for you. The woman I wanted to be with deserved better than the boy that I was. I had to strive to improve for you. I had to take, fail, and then pass life’s test. Years later, I emerged weakened but with a new mature perspective on life. I collected the fragments of my shattered heart and used the strength of the hands of time to heal it for you.  I had to earn the right to be with you. I had to become a man worthy of your company.  I walked away from loves that weren’t as great as what you and I would one day build together. I began my journey filled with emotional turmoil, constant personal reflection and self-doubt. I emerged a man.

Yes, of course I remember,
How could I forget?
How you feel?

The Present – Every word on Love I’ve ever written has been a subconscious dedication in your honor. Every weight I lift, physical and emotional, is meant to ensure I can support you when the time is right. I’ve reached a point in life, career, and personal growth where I feel I’m ready for you, but rather than grow complacent, I continue to strive for improvement. I genuinely look forward to being the man you choose to allow in your life. I vow not to take you or the gravity of your choice for granted. I want you to feel confident in your decision and trust in my words, because my actions always serve to reassure you. I want to remove the doubts you ever had about true Love. It’ll no longer matter what you went through apart from me. As a part of me, you will trust that I will take care of you.

It won’t ever get old, not in my soul
Not in my spirit, keep it alive
We’ll go down this road
Til it turns from color to black and white

The Future – I have daydreams of falling on one knee before you with the knowledge that we’ve found something exceptional in each other. Having witnessed the Love we’ve nurtured, the congratulations of friends and family will flow freely. I imagine how beautiful you’ll look on our wedding day. I see myself trembling with anticipation, struggling to hold it together, as tears of joy plead for a late invite. I’ll stand taller than I’ve ever stood as the weight of patiently waiting on you, my wife, the woman I will Love, finally lifts from my shoulders as I watch you approach. You will have been worth every passing minute. Standing a mere few feet from my destiny, your hands clasped in mine, in the radiance of your beauty I see reflections of our son’s contagious smile. I secretly wonder if the joy in our daughter’s eyes will reflect from irises more reminiscent of yours or mine? The melodic rhythm of our unborn children’s adolescent laughter is the soundtrack to the visions of the family I look forward to raising with you.

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When I finally gather myself I realize, for now, it’s all a vivid fantasy of the woman I’ll Love. Sometimes I wonder if you’re out there, wherever you are, having similar dreams of our life together or…

Do you not think so far ahead?
Because I’ve been thinking about forever.


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Comment(70)

  1. Well, if this isn't just the sweetest thing. Women will be swooning all over North American today, especially with the strategic use of "you," rather than "her".

    I love it when guys open up about their dreams of love and everlasting relationships. And I'm definitely waiting for her to come your way. I'll be throwing confetti all across your blogs and TL……after the engagement, cuz that's probably the first time anyone'll hear about it.

  2. AWE WIM! She's out there! She's out there! I just know it! Actually, I may even know her….YES, I think I know the perfect girl for you. How do you feel about short muscular types? I just love this post!

    LADIES!!!! Please take notes. THIS is how a guy can feel about you. Why would you settle for anything less? Please don't. Let's raise the bar girls!!
    My recent post 7 Time Tested Techniques for Getting Over Him NOW

  3. This is literally the exact way I have always envisioned the man of my dreams to feel about me. Very exquisitely and beautifully written WIM!

    *sidenote, for a while I was beginning to believe that such thoughts/feelings don't even permeate the minds of men…you have proven me wrong and I am glad for that. Perhaps there IS hope after all

  4. Wow, WIM! How lovely! I’m touched. Think final scene in ‘An Officer and A Gentleman’

    “Good job! Good job!!!”

  5. This is so beautiful. You have a wonderful gift of expression. Thank you for my making both my heart and my face smile.

  6. A while ago I realized I wasn’t woman enough for the type of man I wanted so I started to be a lot more conscious of every decision I made because I want to have a good man. I was talking to my friends and I realized that a lot of people have long checklists when it comes to who they choose to date when they themselves don’t have the qualities they ‘require’ in their significant others. As the time goes and I’m slowly becoming a better woman, I’m starting to attract better men. You will find your love WIM because you are too good not to.

    1. ^^this is good right here… people tend to ask for qualities in a partner they dont even possess. Ex: I want someone whose caring, yet im always yelling "I dont care/ I dont give a [email protected]". ? if you dont mind how did you make those chnages to attract better ppl?

      Sidenote: this was so sweet and well written, It's nice to hear men express their feelings.

  7. I must say I haven't read something so beautiful in a long time…I found myself a bit teary eyed.Through all the cultivating (good and bad) I've endured the past few years of my life, I think I have finally found my Mr. Right. I almost didn't think I was worthy of someone's love, but that's when it happened and his love is so good I couldn't resist it even if I tried. I've just been walking in it and things are perfect. So trust me she's gonna show up when you least expect it…

  8. great post wim.

    i will admit i'm like you in that i hardly think about my wedding as much as i think about what my life will be like once i'm married. how will the dynamics of my relationship work? will they change once children are introduced and so forth. honestly, i think i probably already know my wife. do i know who she is exactly? nope. but i believe i'm going to marry someone i already know. with that said, thoughts of the past, present and future are magnified.
    My recent post How To Kill A Child’s Critical Thinking

  9. If Keith Sweat did a remake of "Cater to You", this would be it!

    Lol, nah, this was dope, and an honest view of what men think about when we're not thinking about the usual. At least the mature ones.

    1. "If Keith Sweat did a remake of "Cater to You", this would be it!"

      Okay. I can die now…… Flat______Lined____________

      lmbo

  10. This is absolutely beautiful. I have been reading you for years now and I don't doubt that you will find her because what you are writing is getting you closer to her. Great love does exist and with the right amount of compatibility, sexual desire and compassion it can last forever! This I know because I've lived the ups and downs of marriage for many years. =)

    Here's to you finding *her*!

  11. *snaps* I know this isn't spoken word, but I don't know what else to do after reading that. I felt that…beautiful and exceptionally written.

  12. "I genuinely look forward to being the man you choose to allow in your life. I vow not to take you or the gravity of your choice for granted. I want you to feel confident in your decision and trust in my words, because my actions always serve to reassure you. I want to remove the doubts you ever had about true Love. It’ll no longer matter what you went through apart from me. As a part of me, you will trust that I will take care of you."

    Imma need the fellas to know that for as complicated as women can be or seem, THIS ^^^^^^ is really all we want. Like…its really that simple. Really, it is…

  13. LMBO!

    Man, Keith don't need no remake…he's got his own solid, fitting repertoire.

    "I would never do anything to huuuuurt youuuuuu/I'll give all my love to youuuuuuuuu/And if you need me baby, I'll come ruuunning/Only to youuuu-wooo"

    LOL…

  14. I think every now and again, you stumble onto a blog post that reminds you that someone, with time and a few mistakes under their belt, realizes the true meaning of growing through love lost….I immensly enjoyed this post, and believe that she is out there for you WIM…

  15. this was just great. beautifully written. i capitalize Love too!

    thinking about you is my favorite Frank Ocean song. love love.

    "Every word on Love I’ve ever written has been a subconscious dedication in your honor. Every weight I lift, physical and emotional, is meant to ensure I can support you when the time is right. "

    ^ yes. as a woman when you're with a man that you feel you can trust with your life, both emotionally and physically, it's quite an aha, "this might be the One" moment. nothing better than feeling completely safe with someone.
    My recent post my messy arse desk– an observation

  16. I thought long and hard about how emotionally moved I was with this particular post. I wanted to say something that capsulated every little nerve you touched with your words, but all I could muster was:

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

    Good shit El Capitan! Good shit indeed!
    My recent post "What Tha F*ck?" Wednesdays

  17. This is stupid and annoying. I can't stand when single bm say nonsense like this. Sistas get happy and excited to hear it but don't you know it's just the game of a single black brotha with a job, some education, who is probably over 5.9, and drives a nice car. He has unlimited options of women to pick for. He could never understand what the attractive brown or darkskin sista is most likely to go through when it comes to dating and actually having meaningful relationships with men who actually want a longlasting REAL relationship not a "hook up" or "booty call" from them.

  18. This is stupid and annoying. I can't stand when single bm say nonsense like this. Sistas get happy and excited to hear it but don't you know it's just the game of a single black brotha with a job, some education, who is probably over 5.9, and drives a nice car. He has unlimited options of women to pick for. He could never understand what the attractive brown or darkskin sista is most likely to go through when it comes to dating and actually having meaningful relationships with men who actually want a longlasting REAL relationship not a "hook up" or "booty call" from them.

    It'd be nice to find out the statistics on how many black women with brown or darker skin tone between the ages of 25 and 35 are married or in REAL relationships with men versus lightskin black women. I'd like to know if they have better experiences in the dating scene and if they are treated better, the same, or worse according to a basic set of standards. I'm not interested in dividing our community because it already is. I'd just like to observe whether this is actually fact or myth.
    Holla.

  19. Good stuff, my man. I believe many men have similar thoughts and dreams, but may not be able to articulate them so eloquently as you did here. Way to represent, bruh.

  20. My Lord this is beautiful…
    On a lighter note, I feel like I need you to post a video of your vow exchanges on the day of your wedding because if this is any indication, they'll be something to hear lol

    But great post. Not surprisingly, I think about the details of my wedding all the time. But I think i give equal an equal amount of thought to the actual marriage too.

    Great Post.

  21. LONG time lurker, but I had to comment. This is just simply beautiful. Like you I think more about the details of my marriage than my wedding day. and i look forward to feeling that unconditional love too!

    and the use of Frank Ocean's "Thinking About You" was PERFECT. the lyrics to that so song are so dope, it seriously gives me chills every time.

    Kudos to this post!

    1. I tire of people planning the wedding and not securing the marriage. I agree with you. Weddings are events and marriages are journeys for 3-Keep God in the lead. AMEN and you have the right thinking. Kudos! I loved this post as well and it made me cry. I love hearing about real love and feelings. I tire of always hearing negative and scandalous behavior by our counterparts and compatriots. 🙂

  22. Very eloquently and beautifully written WIM……I love when men bare their heart and souls sometime and let us get a peek at that more vulnerable side of you.
    Nothing is sexier than a man who can bare his soul and fearlessly express how he truly feels from the bottom of his heart.
    Whoever she will be definitely let her see this post.

  23. Or better yet read it to her so she can hear that sexy voice of yours……..cause this right here is a definite "panty dropper"…….lol

  24. This is shocking to me. Not that it's you… or that it's a man… just that it's a person's thoughts, period.

    I don't remember ever feeling this way. It's so overwhelming to me to think that most people are out here thinking about finding "the one" so deeply. Mind you, I've been deeply in love/married, etc… but it was just "you, you're him, this is right" etc. but not "I've been waiting my whole life just for YOU."

    This is not shade- it's a beautiful post WIM… beautiful. I'm just… shocked I guess. Something for me to think about….

  25. this was a very thoughtful and heart-warming post. ive had similar thoughts about my future love.

    and i too have thought more about my [future] marriage than i have about the wedding. i always look to the successful relationships to strive towards, and not the ones that didnt work out, for whatever reason.

    thanks for sharing, this was lovely.
    My recent post Sorry Sweetie, You Can’t Afford Me

  26. this was so sweet. I love it.

    That woman will be lucky to have you and I hope one day she's able to read this to know how much you put into being the man she needs/wants by her side for the rest of her life

    I've thought more about my marriage than my actual wedding day. I've thought about the kind of wife I'll be and the kind of mother I'll be to our children.

    It's nice to know men think of these things too from time to time

  27. On some G , gotta dap a fellow scorpio on this piece. Rarely do we convey what we on but well done sir. Tips hat goes back to G.

    1. Make that 3 Scorpios on point (Lady Scorpion agrees!) Extremely well done…I had to read it to my husband because I swear he wrote this…

  28. I admire this article so much. I really think the reason being is because I will give advice to a friend about the same thing, so it surprise me, because it felt like I talked to you about it.

    Im amazed especially about the divorse and marriage satistic because I ALWAYS tell him STOP worring abt the negative marriages but we all can strive to be apart of the 50% that are married and when Jesus is in the mist of your marriage and every part of your LIFE, it WILL succeed.

    Well im truley bless i read this and I was just read it when i was down and upset, and it also shown me HOPE, I see through this reading the Lord ask for patience, working within ourselves, and hope.
    I pray the Lord blesses you and your patience and prayer will be answered in Jesus Name.

    God Bless JB 0;)

    1. I will be one of the 50% success stories soon…glad to hear that you believe in Black Love as do I! If we keep telling the world that its real, they too will believe! Stay vigilant!

  29. Never a disappointment, WIM! Beautifully written, truthfully said, and deeply felt…

    And I bet she's somewhere with Frank Ocean on repeat..

    *pushes repeat button**…lol, : )

  30. Beautiful post, it really brings me back to my feels for some of my past relationships. I def am the one in my group of friends that OVER thinks everything, especially when it comes to women, OUR future and how I share my love. As a self proclaimed existentialist, the smallest red flags send off alarms all over my flight control instrumnets and I usually allow the plane crash burning to the ground, and no life jackets in this 747! but I comend you on truley voicing your feelings, as a male sometimes it's hard, and its good to know there are othere like us ot there that can't wait to be married, but also want to make sure I am bring my ALL to the table so she can feast for a lifetime. Awesome damn post!
    My recent post Alpha Phi Alpha ::: To the Youth – $19.06

  31. You know, I swear this is what every woman wants until I remember a quote by E Jean;

    "Women say they want a “nice guy,” but show them an a**hole who treats them like dirt and they’ll trample over their own therapists to get to him."

    It's like we want the a**hole to BECOME this guy. I'm a woman & I don't get women.

  32. I feel out of place even commenting. However, respect must be given where it is due. I can tell this is straight from the heart (Confunkshun). When a man feels this way about a woman, her place in his life is secure, and she should be able to rest easy in it.

  33. I see you have many comments. But I MUST say that reading that a man can even feel this way is quite refreshing and pours into my bucket of hope. I pray you find that special person and that she is as well prepared for you and you are for her. You have put effort and energy into healing and becoming the best man you can be so that she won't be shortchanged- May she be doing the same for you!!
    Truly, this was beyond beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It's encouraging.

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