Home Featured Couples Quarrel: Business Dinners with the Opposite Sex

Couples Quarrel: Business Dinners with the Opposite Sex

153
C'mon now. It was just a card!

The following takes place after I walk into my apartment with the boopiece and a pocket full of business cards and innocence. I keep the stack of cards next to my computer so I can email everybody I said I’d follow up with.

Slim: Great event tonight. Made a lot of good contacts. I had fun. What about you?
Boopiece: The event was cool, but I don’t know about some of those chicks.
Slim: Whatchu mean? Nobody ODed. People were cordial, gave me their cards, and kept it moving.
Boopiece: Some of those chicks were trying to get chose. Don’t let the business card game and my acceptance of your hustle fool you.
Slim: I got the cards of one blogger, three PR people, and one starving rapper with an abysmal mixtape and pseudo-significant bars. What’s wrong with networking?
Boopiece: It’s cool to network, but you need to stop acting oblivious.
Slim: I take things at face value. I’ll email them to follow up, but if they start talkin’ about humid dreams, I’ll just not reply.
Boopiece: K, but you shouldn’t be taking their cards in the first place if you know they like you. You shouldn’t have to “not reply.”
Slim: So am I supposed to assume every chick wants a lotto ticket and a chance? That’s presumptuous don’t you think?

You’d be surprised how often I’ve had these conversations in the last four years. There hasn’t been a woman I’ve dated since 2008 who didn’t raised an eyebrow at the number of women I talk to and the number of business cards — phone numbers in her mind — that I bring home. Like I said in the dialogue, I take things at face value. When I meet women at professional mixers or SBM-sponsored events, I don’t make the assumption they have other things in mind. I go off what they tell me and leave it at that.

See Also:  5 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have of Women

So when I send an email afterward saying “nice to meet you and I look forward to collaborating,” that’s all it is. There’s no subliminal hints at dates and a midsummer night’s frolicking. When you’re a writer or anybody trying to come up, you make contacts because you never know who’ll be the person to help turn your dreams into reality. And I’ll never realize my dreams if I assume every woman is trying to appeal to a side of me that has no interest in being seen.

But as inferred above, there have been times when I took a business card, met up with the woman later on for lunch or dinner, then ended up with a confused face when the bill came and they didn’t budge. Like…what the f**k do you think this is? You gave me your card and I followed up. Why are you expecting me to pay for these crab meats? We’re talking about business, not me giving it to you. And it’s not that I’m a dutchmaster. It’s just that I don’t believe in paying the full tab when it’s not a date. It’s a mutual investment in a potential business relationship, not a romantic one.

There are three elements to situations like this:

  1. The first is the assumption that the majority of women that hand me their business card have ulterior motives.
  2. The question of whether or not I need to disclose my relationship status or intentions before we get up. You know. “Playing it safe” and sh*t.
  3. How incredibly wack it is to use the premise of a professional meet up to cloak romantic aspirations.
See Also:  How to keep your sanity dealing with frustrating (but irresistible) men

On the first issue, I’ll never make the assumption that every woman I communicate with is looking for something. I have too many female friends that network just like I do, can maintain a conversation just like I do, and have no interest in things going anywhere other than into bank accounts just like I do. Anything less would be uncivilized. I believe in being direct, so if she doesn’t tell me anything other than what I expect, I go off my expectations. Seems fair right?

On the question of disclosure, I hate when I’m talking to someone and they weave their significant other into the conversation where it had no business. It’s like yo, I’m not hitting on you or trying to hit on you. My steak is getting cold because you’re talking about your cuddlesworth and the warmth he provides after I asked you what software you use to track your stats? In some roundabout way, it’s kinda insulting. Don’t treat me like another one of “those dudes.” Treat me like someone who’s trying to make things happen professionally, not horizontally.

On the faux-professionalism, why be a Wackasaurus? I get the whole saving face thing. But how far has the average person gotten by not being direct about their intentions? In my experience, not too far. It’s no different than men or women that play the friend role hoping that somewhere along the way fate will intervene, and they’ll have a romantic story that gets turned into a made-for-tv movie. To quote an overweight rapper with a grunting problem sans his Ferrari, “no sirrrr, not meee.”

See Also:  Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands?

Step up to the plate and be clear about what you’re looking for. If you think there might be potential for more than business, ask the right questions and live with the answers. If you ask me if I’m seeing anyone, I’ll know where your mindset is. This will allow me to make an informed decision about whether or not we meet up. The choice is yours too. Time is valuable and I’m sure you don’t wanna waste it frivolously. Tell me what you’re looking for. Give me a chance to be honest. And you’ll get just what you deserve.

That’s just my take, but what about yours? Have you run into any of the three elements I mentioned? Do you let people know that the business won’t be pleasurable? Do you disclose relationship status or intentions upfront to be safe? Have you ever encountered someone who was cloaking hard? Pause. Whether you’re in the cubicle, on the site, or in class, we know you have something to say. Share it!

Yeah baby, I like it honest,

Comment(153)

  1. lol. This is a tough situation for men, because you generally seem oblivious to the signs of interest that women display. My mom will point out a woman's behaviour to my Dad, my Dad will counter that she's reading too much into it……and then come back all confused tal'm'bout how she was right. I would be annoyed if you were to do 1) or 2) if I had no such motives, so I can appreciate the dilemma it puts you in.

    I won't make mention of relationship status unless it's relevant to the conversation at hand. Likewise, I won't mention anything about the possibility or lack thereof of a pending meeting being for anything other than networking reasons. The potential awkwardness is not worth it. I'll let things play out, and then speak up if we start getting into dangerous territory. I can usually tell when someone is attracted to me, but I tend to play things off and feign ignorance. Now, if they've given me prior indication of their interest, then I let them know where they stand.

    1. I think its because, generally, no one knows whats on a womans mind at any point in time. Nowadays, when a man shows interest, he's labeled another 'thirsty' person. So when he doesnt show any interest at all, he's still wrong?? Wow

  2. Interesting post! I’ve definitely been given a lot of business cards in my lifetime and through my profession…. I’m usually good at figuring out when it’s a come-on and when it’s a genuine networking request. But I’ve always believed it to be tacky to hand out a “dating card” so to speak…. It’s an automatic no for me. I think me disclosing my relationship status at every card handed out is awkward and could potentially be detrimental to my professionalism. (As you know) in the field of Human Resources, you always have to be 2 steps back from any kind of personal relationship…. Me bringing up my relationship status would not end well….

  3. As a recent graduate every business card (of course after careful consideration) is a foot in the door. I don’t think it’s necessary to reveal your relationship status to everyone you talk to. We’re here to talk business; who I come home to is not a concern. I’m pretty good at reading the signs when a man is giving me his card for business purposes or if it’s a little something extra. Usually when it’s a little something extra the guy will slip up and throw in a “so do you have a boyfriend, I mean you seem so busy you must have no free time”.
    I actually met a guy on the train when I was on my way to work; we got into a conversation, he worked for this big company, told me to send him a resume he would forward it to the right people. Then somewhere in our conversation he slipped in “do you have a boyfriend” and “we should get together for coffee, what do you like to do for fun”. Long story short I didn’t forward him my resume. Just politely took his card and kept it moving. (Kind of wish it was for business purposes I might have a job now lol)

    1. As far as everything else it’s a win lose situation. A networking event is a great place to meet potential employed singles (depending on the field). But at the same time you don’t want to be the women or man that’s know as the “date looker”, going to every business networking event looking for someone to take home. Once you start networking your circle becomes big and somehow weirdly connected all at the same time.

  4. This is one of those situations where both you and boopiece are probably right. You see in general a lot of women are not direct about their approach to men. For the most post they send coy signals and hope you notice them and make a move. So in that context I guess the business card game is right up their alley. Then again, most men are oblivious to these signals so sometimes we really are just about our business. On the issue of whether or not you need to disclose your relationship status, I don't think that is necessary especially if you are not meeting said lady in any compromising situations or calling her late at night. If I meet you and I keep things strictly professional, I am either really into the prospect of us doing business together or I am taken.
    My recent post Mythbusters, Nigerian Edition: Thoughts on Juju, Jazz and Related BS

  5. Slim. You know what they really want…stop playing.

    Okay answer these questions:

    1. What purpose will she serve int he grad scheme of things?
    2. What are you going to teach/show her that she can't learn elsewhere?
    3. How long is this business contact going to last and why?
    4. Why are you going out to dinner having steak with someone talking about tracking stats?

    Yeah…answer all that and I will come to my conclusion. I don't care about her intentions, only yours. And your answers to those questions will reveal your intentions.

    What's up with the steak dinner, for real Slim….I would have a problem with that. I really would. I don't care what the heck y'all talking about…talk about that via e-mail and keep it moving all that wining and dining stuff leads to bad things.

      1. All I can think about is House of Payne—when Jenine and Cj and the son and his new wife went through the work relationships gone bad.

        I get networking with people that you are truly going to utilize. However, the collecting of business cards from random women that will fill no real need, is suspect.

        I would just put yourself in your woman's shoes. What if she came home with cards from all sorts of men talking about oh it just business hon. And she goes out with one of those dudes for dinner. What would you think they talked about all that time—business? Trust is irrelevant.

    1. I see your side-eye Beef. I see your side-eye.lol

      1. It depends. When it comes to the online/writing hustle, women control a lot of the influence.
      2. Again, it depends. At the same time, the people I've up with or helped on a project become great contacts over time. I'm not gonna have a laptop out at a restaurant or bar though. They probably ain't got no wireless.
      3. I don't think it ever should really end per say. You never know when you made need someone's help and it's great to be able to make a call or send an email and get a quick reply because they know you.
      4. I like steak. I will say that when in a relationship these meet-ups get discussed. Dinner doesn't have to be romantic, a lot of businessy type things are discussed over food.

      So you don't think it's acceptable for men and women to meet up if in a relationship? Things should be handled from a distance?
      My recent post 2008: When Blogging Was Just Blogging

      1. "So you don't think it's acceptable for men and women to meet up if in a relationship? Things should be handled from a distance? "

        Sure, if it's not a one on one situation. That's just temptation. I would not even put myself in that position. Perception can be reality. What if one of my girlfriends just so happened to be dining in the same restaurant as you and she snaps a picture of you touching the girl or smiling just lil too hard…now you gotta explain what the heck was going on and hope I believe you. All that to say, if you never put yourself in that situation, you wouldn't be in hot water.

        Distance is safe and it leave no room for interpretation. Or better yet, bring that woman over and I'll cook the steak and you two can discuss all the business you want at the dang dinner table.

        1. " What if one of my girlfriends just so happened to be dining in the same restaurant as you and she snaps a picture of you touching the girl or smiling just lil too hard…now you gotta explain what the heck was going on and hope I believe you."

          And herein lies the issue and why we as a people cant have nice things…lol. Be upfront with our s/o and tell them where you are going and for what purpose, so that when your TMZ influenced friends feel the need to expose, you will have covered that accordingly.

          smh

        2. "so that when your TMZ influenced friends feel the need to expose…"

          LOL! I read that like, "friends do that?!" Send me a "friend-tervention" text.."o_O…uh wussup???". But, don't so called "rat me out". Thats how people get shanked, lol…messing up happy homes and thangs over nothing, lol.

        3. Streetz: "Be upfront with our s/o and tell them where you are going and for what purpose…

          I was going to say the same thing.

  6. "Why are you expecting me to pay for these crab meats?"……I am done with you. lol.

    Like you said earlier there are straightforward businesspeople on both sides, but it's always a couple fools who think they're on an episode of House of Lies who mess it up. Not to mention that shady mess can develop even from genuine business relationships. My suggestion, if you like what you have at home: play dumb, but not too dumb. Your woman at home can smell ill intent from another woman a mile away, but as long as the other woman keeps it about business you're ok. If she steps out of line firmly tell her what the deal is, then sever that business relationship. Some folks are like little forest fires, and any attention you give them is the air that keeps the flame burning. Suffocate those heffas.

    1. Cracked up at suffocate those heffas.

      I really try not to do the play dumb thing. When I don't sense other intentions, I leave it at that and give people the benefit of the doubt. Some of what's been said today infers that giving the benefit of the doubt is the wrong approach. At what point do we just trust that people are about what they say they're about.
      My recent post 2008: When Blogging Was Just Blogging

      1. The irony is that some of the same people that are doubting you really expect you to trust them with no questions asked.

  7. Slim, you had the correct approach. If you approach in a business sense, keep it business. There's not even a need to bring up relationship status. If they try to expand the professional relationship into a personal one, then inform them that you have no interest.

    It doesn't matter how obvious it is that they are into you, if they can help and are willing to help your brand. I would have called the boopiece out for her trust issues.

    1. exactly…just as if i was strictly networking with a female and she's just like "i have a man" that's just gonna make things awkward.

  8. I haven't finished reading the whole thing. But I had to stop and say this.

    Saying "I take things at face value"——–>is Game. Seriously, I can't look at a black man for longer then 30 seconds without him thinking I want him. Men don't take things from beautiful women @ face value. They're always looking to see who's looking.
    My recent post Why Women Want

    1. OK, I'm done and my mind has not changed. I totally get wanting to put your foot in as many doors as possible. BUT I also know that when black heterosexual people meet socially there's pretty much always a question floating in the air. Especially if you're attractive.

      LADIES. Of course your man will TRY to convince you that he doesn't see the i'm interested/available gleam in a woman's eye. BUT please please believe me when I tell you he is lying. Just like you're able to pick up on a guy who's feeling you, he'll know when a girl is feeling him.

      He will probably try to logically explain how/why you're being crazy and insecure for "not letting him network". But again, don't believe the hype. *Check your gut and go with it*. My fiance played this same "I'm innocent and you're crazy"card with me. We musta fought on and off for three months over it before he was finally *finally* like OK, I'll stop.

      And you know what? He did. When we go out he talks to people and networks but he doesn't undermine our relationship. It's a subtle change, but it's there. After a night out there's not a woman in the room who doubts that he is in love with me or questions whether or not she could get him from me- even for a night.

      @ SLIM. Lol really? Nah son. SMH.
      My recent post The Easy Woman

      1. Idk about this. Just sounds insecure to me. What if your man worked in a female dominated industry/work environment? Are you going to apply for a job there too to be on the lookout for women scoping your man? If a man is going to cheat, he's going to do it regardless of whether or not he's "networking" or handing out business cards.

        1. No, actually I'm not insecure. I don't mind him working talking even hanging out late night and having steak and crab with a woman. In fact, lol, Mark's working at becoming a doctor and I've encouraged him to be a gynecologist.

          This has nothing to do with me being insecure. It has EVERYTHING to do with me listening to my gut when it told me something was off. I can't even put my finger on what the difference is in him & how he interact with women not…but I'm telling you IT'S THERE.

          I do think a man will cheat regardless. But if you trust yourself, ask the right questions and demand that he respect you and your feelings. You won' be one of the girls left holding the bag saying "Damn, I knew something was wrong!" and you won't be that crazy chick checking his email trying to see what's really up.

          When you trust yourseld— your gut telling you something is wrong will be enough for you to take action. I trust mine. And I've NEVER regretted it.
          My recent post Why Women Want

        2. Im going to be a devil's advocate and ask, "Has he really changed, or just changed in your presence to keep peace," U can't say for sure unless you are around him 24/7. All you can do is know is character and trust him to be exactly that.

        3. I trust that he's changed. I see it and I feel it. I agree you have to know/trust your man's character, but in my situation part of knowing his character was confronting him, and calling him on how it was hurting me/us.

          See, Mark likes to be admired and complemented. I know that about him, and it doesn't bother me. EXCEPT it did in the beginning when I felt like his desire for that was disrespectful to our relationship (ie, he was flirting with girls to get attention). So, knowing how he was, I told him I didn't like what he was doing and why. And that's when he tried to pretend innocents.

          So I think trusting someone doesn't mean believing blindly that their always gonna do what's right. It mean's knowing the good/bad/ugly about who they are—> and helping them fight the latter 2 by speaking up when necessary.

          My recent post Why Women Want

  9. I thought you were handsome when I saw you from across the room in DC, which is why I wanted to meet you. Bottom line. Damn a business card.

    I follow Most on twitter because he's my favorite writer/ a well-rounded person. I follow Streetz because he's fine. No other motives.

    Happy now?! : )

      1. Please do not blow his head up any bigger than it is already!! Streetz be on some, "What? I'm not that cute…wh-wh-what are you talkin' bout?" tip….all the while he's face-flexing so his dimples will show.

        #Dontrussit

  10. Iono about business dinners, lol. That dinner vibe could throw you off. As a rule of thumb, I do lunches…maybe even a late lunch…at a spot with free wi-fi. Dinners are seldom. I will do business location meetings at night or crazy hours…like a recording studio…where we may order take-out, lol.

    There are a few exceptions, but most single women are open to a good man. And a business dinner with a good man is an opportunity…period. So, when in a relationship, boundaries ought to be clear from the jump. Business lunch at Panera…contact only made during business hours…"touching base" emails should be sent as a group email…basically, all "signals" are saying BUSINESS ONLY. If you're single, its whatever. I don't think you should have to announce your relationship status or personal business at all…as a matter of fact, I don't think you should discuss your personal life at all. Clear boundaries are enough to scream, "this is just business".

    1. Oh yeah…

      And I'm horrible at networking like this, lol. I hate meeting people off the street, so to speak. I prefer to meet and connect with people through mutual friends/associates. With that, I don't need to collect business cards. If I feel the person would be helpful, I ask our mutual friend for assistance and go from there.

  11. Uuummmmm……..

    Two questions.

    What on EARTH are y'all talking about that can't be discussed over the phone, email, g-chat or bbm??

    AND…

    WHY are you having a meeting involving FULL MEALS? Coffee, pastry, TOPS. I'm not having you think this is anything other than what it is.

    Sorry, I'm an attractive female. I assume every man has an alterior motive until proven otherwise, and act accordingly. It's just EASIER. You, contribute to a blog called SINGLE Black Male, for crying out loud. Every woman has an alterior motive until proven otherwise, so act accordingly. Trust me, if you acted like every woman you met wanted to sleep with you, you would notice the shift in your behavior. ignorance of the law is not an excuse, lol!!!

    1. This.

      Oh, and for professional meetings I never hit up upscale places. Starbucks, Panera or any local cafe is sufficient for me and I work in the media realm.

        1. 1) We are getting a Panera in Midtown NY FIIINALY!! YESSSS!!!!!

          #ThereGoesMyWaistline

          2) I would LOVE for Slim to tell me what he would do if he walked into said restaurant with female "business contact" and his current girlfriend was ALREADY THERE, chatting it up with some rediculously attractive dude in a business suit. Then she's all like, "oh, he gave me his business card & we were networking (over wine & steak!). PSSSHHH

        2. Even IF she told you , seeing it will feel totally different than just hearing about it. It is not the same. These men on this here blog are straight tripping…they have yet to be in that situation I suppose.

          It LOOKS different…whether you are told up front about or not. Especially after seeing that the other dude got that ' I luv your girl' look on his face over tea and crumpets.

        1. Im sorry but some of this is seems a little much, Most buisness opportunities happen at some of these major places the golf course, networking events and over dinner. Im not saying every person he conducts buisness with he needs to take to go to dinner with, but if she has a big opprotunity on the table ($$$) then why not eat some crab and talk numbers.

          Now I understand if your man is playing the stupid card when a female is all over him, then call him out and even then if you have to worry about him using the card for more tha buisness or even dealing with her if she's not talking about buisness, then you might need a new man.

          I understand you giving him the heads up but if I have to nag about it then something aint right.

    2. "Sorry, I'm an attractive female. I assume every man has an alterior motive until proven otherwise, and act accordingly."

      Quit speaking so much truth. I don't understand why the men are acting brand new today. There is almost always an ulterior motive… if we played dumb y'all would be calling us a tease. Sigh. Men can never be satisfied.
      My recent post Hey! I made a dating blog.

      1. " I don't understand why the men are acting brand new today. There is almost always an ulterior motive…"

        Wow really?

        *changes post for next week to tackle this statement*

        1. Wait, you REALLY think women don't take precautions DAILY because of that statement right there??
          I know part of you has to be going "there is NO way. Y'all heads are SUPER gassed if you think that", however, if I had taken that approach when I was young & dumb, it would have saved me a lot of tears & trips to HR. ESPECIALLY when a man wants meet you ALONE after dark!
          I am not saying to stop networking, or that his girlfriends should stalk his every business meeting. There is a way to be professional and not give off an "I'm available" vibe. And if EVERY girlfriend is raising an eyebrow as he says, you can't claim ignorance anymore. Game peeps game, and while YES some girls are insecure and/or jealous, all we are saying is sometimes, even the most oblivious can tell they're being hit on and LET IT GO ON for pure EGO's sake-then act all indifferent because "well, if I have no intention of sleeping with her than only MY intentions count, right?"

        2. Let’s remember SLIM is a blogger, one of his main topics being relationships. I’m sure he bumps into a lot of women flirting with him based off of that fact alone, he's probably been doing this for a while so he has learned to ignore small "ques" and stay on task "who are you and why are you trying to network with me and vice versa". No different than a women working in a male dominated field and being use to some men trying to make a pass at her and her ignoring it or putting them in their place without a second thought.

          There’s nothing wrong with taking precautions "being aware" but come on everyone isn’t trying to sleep with you. If you go into business with that mind frame you are setting yourself up.

        3. It is this moment right here that makes me wish I had enough clout to write a relationship blog. It is this EXACT "naivete", assuming that no one has an alterior motive, that contributes to "pretty girl syndrome (pretty girl=dead lay)" "Pretty girls" don't just 'lie there' because they're lazy, they 'lie there' because that's what they've been TAUGHT to do, by people they shouldn't have trusted in the first place, messing around with that "all people are inherently good" ish. That is stuff you as a man don't have to worry about but WE DO. We learned, and we adjusted, and now ALL men that come to us with "business intent" get the "super professional treatment". I am NOT going to be labeled a 'tease', a 'flirt', or ANYTHING of the sort.

        4. Yes, I have done late night studio sessions. But Faith Evans taught us you might not want to follow Tupac down the stairs alone, right? I know i'm going off topic, but my point is, for WOMEN, everyone gets the same treatment until we know the full deal, not just because of respect for our "men" or whatever, but franky, for our safety. And that same intuition MAY lead us to act a bit overboard when we see the reverse, but you have to understand where it is coming from.

        5. I am a woman as well. I get that you should be aware, and I have kept myself out of some very sticky situations but come on. Listen it’s a networking event if someone has “a good deal on the table I am going to explore it, of course with caution but none the less I’m going to take a peak. What you’re talking about is a women being trusting with a man she doesn’t know, common sense if a man wants to talk business with you then meeting up over coffee or even a late lunch is fine, now if he wants to meet you at his house for dinner of course a light should go off in your head.

        6. Plus Slim said his boo said "why do you have to take the card in the first place” she’s not even to the part about meeting up with this women she doesn’t want him to have this woman’s information period. Now maybe Slim could ease her concerns by telling her what business this woman has to offer but come on now he can’t take a card because you feel the woman is interested in him and he isn’t interested in her, and is going to email her to see if her business offer is legit. Again maybe it’s just me but unless you think he’s lying to you about not noticing or he’s trying to play you and get with this girl I don’t know what the problem is.

        7. I think the problem is that the women and the men are arguing two COMPLETELY different things. the men are basically saying that if this is an issue with your man, there is no reason for you to be together because he didn't NEED a networking event to cheat. I get that, so does everyone else, and very few women are even arguing that.

          Now the WOMEN, on the other hand, are saying that for them, this hasn't been much of an issue because they have established a set game plan LONG ago that ensures all but the EXTREMELY stubborn understand from JUMP that this is business only. WHY? Because of the sticky situations. They are arguing that Slim should do the same. Now, men don't have that issue where they have to worry about safety, or perception at work, but since they may/may not have those set steps in place, their women will always question intent on the third party's behalf.

        8. lol I get what you’re saying but where did Slim seem like he's not taking precautions, because he took the card. Just like his women saw him interacting with other people men and women saw him interacting as well. All he did was politely take the woman’s card, what he was suppose to say "no I can’t take your card because I have a girl and I think you like me". The lady probably said I want to do some work with you take my card, Slim took the card kept it moving. All he has is the card he hasn’t done anything else. Again his boo said "why you'd take it" because it's a networking event the woman has a business made it sound good all Slim agreed to with the other women was to check out her offer. Even as a woman there’s nothing wrong with taking a man’s card, and politely going on about your business, if you felt he has ulterior non business motives after you get his card don’t use it.

  12. I normally lurk but had to add to this one, lol.

    You're both right–the boopiece is essentially telling you why you get all confused when it comes to who's payin for the crabmeats, lol. She's expressing what her womanly Spidey Sense picked up. The same has happened to me lots of times, the last when a friend said some guy was flirting with me when in my mind we were just exchanging contact info so we could have a quick lunch during a convention we found out we're both attending later this year. Nothing more, nothing less. As soon as he walked away my friend let me know what was up, but like you, on my end it's staying professional. I'm an adult and can say no. As long as we say no, there's nothing to for any boopiece to worry about.

    Unfortunately there's really no way around this without becoming a recluse. I'd rather meet all who I can now so I don't miss an opportunity instead of worrying about who likes me. Why? Because I don't care, lol. If nothing comes about it because of their momentary infatuation they weren't good for me anyway. Focused and professional people only please!

      1. When it comes down to outright forbidding someone to interacting with others, or otherwise escalating a situation when the other person clearly has no interests otherwise. I'm currently single, but I used to tease my ex about women who came up to him who clearly had other ideas in mind. Whether or not he knew their motives was irrelevant really. I sometimes pointed them out, sure, but I was never vexed to the point where I stunted his professional growth and our relationship. The best thing about being grown is the ability to say no and keep it moving. He did that, case closed. Like I said in my last paragraph, if *you're* motives are professional it doesn't matter how anyone steps to you.

  13. LOL "business dinners"? Over steak and crab meats? That's a little different. There are definitely messages you can send to people to let them know you're about the business only. Sometimes women can sense things that men can't.

    I feel like the business card thing is one of those things that sends that sort of message that its strictly business, I find it kinda impersonal. If you want to talk to me put my number in your phone lol. I went to a function a couple of wks ago and someone gave me a business card. I never followed up with him. Now I'm wondering what his intentions were lol.

    My recent post Hey! I made a dating blog.

    1. Like this is getting ridiculous now!!! IDK what type of jobs yall have, but at some point you go out with coworkers and/or clients and dine. It doesnt mean that everyone wants to knock the dust off their coworkers pums, it just means that they are doing what business people do!

      Some of yall women couldnt date consultants, but Im chillin and im NOT gonna make it hot! lol

      Thank you for the blog idea though ladies, im going in!

      1. Yes, coworkerS and clientS. PLURAL. I can't remember the last time I dined ALONE with a recruiter, business contact, coworker or otherwise. Recruiters met me at Starbucks. Recruiters for people making over 75K, DINE, and even then, it's usually LUNCH. My eye is going to fall outta my face as hard as I'm side eyeing this!

        1. EXACTLY. We understand that business sometimes involves soft skills….plenty of business happens on the golf course, at happy hour, etc….social situations. But at the same time…don't pretend that you're smart enough to do business at this level but dumb enough not to know that there ARE some boundaries. And anything that starts looking and feeling like a date: wine, dinner, seat for 2 in the corner, no electronics or paperwork in sight….is not kosher. No sir, it isn't. You don't have to do all-electronic-everything, but c'mon. I advised earlier for the MAN to "play dumb" if a work prospect gets too friendly…but please don't assume that your woman at home is gonna play dumb about this.

      2. LOL why are you trying to make it personal? Actually a consultant just asked me out on a date this past wknd. Is that supposed to be a big deal or something? Try again, babe.

        Now, based on the post, I got the idea that Slim and this young lady were fellow bloggers just getting to know each other and brainstorming/discussing potential collabos. I'm not sure on what level y'all are doing the blogging thing, but I didn't know it was that kinda serious where y'all are discussing major deals over steaks and crabmeats. But I stand corrected, I guess the business is more lucrative than I thought. 🙂
        My recent post Hey! I made a dating blog.

  14. My boopiece HATES my twitter. In her eyes every female that follows me wants my ass, my DMs are probably filled with that other ish and i only follow women who im attracted to (which might be true an attractive person will catch your eye first). However in my experience i’m pretty oblivious, i chalk most up to simply being friendly.

  15. I'm sure it depends on your field. In the music world, business dinners are common. Then again, the music world is tricky, lol. I don't think its about paranoia as much as it is about taking precautions by limiting opportunities for miscommunication (mainly non-verbal).

  16. First—>Calling a spade a spade is not paranoia. Second—->As good as men are at sending the "I don't want you chick. Stop calling me" signal. I just believe that they can figure out how to network without seeming like their flirting. Third—–> I'm so tired of men calling the female intuition about things crazy. It's not crazy, it's the truth.

    The intuition you're calling crazy now is the same intuition that would have saved Most's Samantha from either of the guys that used her. Don't shut that down by calling it paranoia! Especially when (if you check you heart) you know EXACTLY what she's talking about. I mean, streak and crab business dinners? Come ON!
    My recent post 7 Time Tested Techniques for Getting Rid of Him NOW

      1. You can call it whatever you want. Intuition, your gut, God, the Holy Spirit. Whatever IT is. It's a part of you that will tell you when something is off about a situation. In my experience, I've found that women do hear IT (like Samantha), but they disregard it because they decide to trust what their guy say more than they trust themselves- which is a huge mistake. I trusted Mark when he was my boyfriend, but not more than I trust my GOD. And, until a guy decides to take you under his care and vows to protect honor love and cherish you….I think that's exactly the way it should be. In fact, if he's the man for you he should be *encouraging* you to do that.

        I agree that fear and other insecurities can be misguiding. But the more you listen to that part of you that knows, the more clearly you'll be able to hear it.

        Also I think is ridiculous is the number of men I've found willing to call me crazy and insecure and paranoid when -in the end. I turned out to be absolutely right.
        My recent post Why Women Want

        1. You’re not insecure for being right/ listening to your gut or saying hey she likes you. The insecurity parts comes in when woman start acting like they never heard of ppl having "business dinners" because the girl that likes her man wants to meet up over a plate of food. I always say go with your gut. If she likes him let him know, but I’m sure "if you’re dealing with an honest man" he probably took her card for the business she put out on the table seemed legit. And while he will take your opinion in consideration, if the business side seems good why not see what’s up and if the woman sets out of line he will leave it alone say "baby your right" and all will be well.

  17. I love this post because whle a guy wrote it, it could also apply to women in business who have to network a lot and end up meeting a lot of men (for professional reasons, only) while their 'guy' thinks: WTF.____I just assume that if I meet you at work, and we're talking about work, and we agree to go out to talk more about work it's…uh, work. But I also know that this line of thinking doesn't apply to everyone. What's the answer? Don't give someone a reason to question their trust, and if they still question it, even when they don't need to – then people should ask themselves what they want in a relationship.____Some people need lots of attention, even if they won't admit it. And some people are totally oblivious to all attention.
    My recent post Blame It On The Rain…

    1. 'Xactly.

      I'm currently in the "so what?" realm. Even if else someone did have ulterior motives, I don't and that's all that matters. Knowing your mate well is key. It takes two to get down and if one says no (you or significant other) nothing's happening and there's nothing to worry about. That doesn't mean hilarity doesn't have to ensue when I DO know something is up on the 3rd party's end. I took much joy in embarrassing my ex (NOT in public, lol) when he was oblivious to advances. 🙂

  18. Men shouldn't be responsible for coddling women's insecurity. If she thinks it's a possibility that he might sleep with another woman, she shouldn't be with him. If she thinks that she is disrespecting her relationship and he is allowing it, then she shouldn't be with him. Anyway you slice this pie, it's an insecurity unless Slim is trying to sleep with other women.

  19. You ladies are killing me today.

    Out here in Indy, business cards are pretty obsolete. Women look at them as some sort of swindle.

    I had some cards, but let em burn and didn't re-up when i was all out.

    Anyways, new twitter followers, new FB friends are the new insecurity measures for relationships nowadays. Not saying business cards aren't relevant, but networking in general can and does raise red flags for those with trust issues. Something tells me that those with questionable networking desires are pretty transparent vs. those who use it for business only.

  20. I don't even know where to start with some of these comments on here…soooo, I won't, lol. I'll just say this: If you were networking the same way before you had a "boopiece" and it worked well for you then after you got a boopiece I don't see any reason why the way you network should change. Just make sure you communicate with your S/O your whereabouts and the such and purpose. If she respects your career, trusts YOU and understands you have always went about your business in this manner without cause for concern in the past then it should be a non-issue.

  21. I have to go with the men today this is starting to look very insecure on our end. Your man is trying to build contacts, some of those contacts will be women, and some of those contacts might be up to no good. Now there’s nothing wrong with letting him know “hey it looks like she’s is more interested in the pleasure side of you then than business side, so don’t slip up” but if you have to worry about his business dinner turning into something else than your with the wrong person. Part of trust is believing your partner will put ppl in their place when it comes to your relationship. Now if you’re worried he can’t handle that aspect or cut off a person he know is trying to start up something than your with the wrong person. It’s just a business card it’s not like he’s going to be her personal secretary.

    1. I have to agree with you here. While I may not like the idea of a business dinner if I think the other woman has ulterior motives, I would trust my man to keep it professional. I fully expect other women to want him – he's a catch. But constantly worrying about it is just unnecessary stress.
      My recent post Bad Luck Blues

    2. OK, but the business card is OBVIOUSLY not what's making her nervous. It's the fact that SLIM claims to have idea that the women were looking at him with interest & he was looking back. Really? You're a grown man in the business world and you have NO idea what interest looks like- when a girl is sending you a vibe?! And you can't possible figure out how to send the "I'm SO not interested in you" signal?

      I think if someone were to offer him a million dollars for it —-> he'd figure out how to network without steak and crab dinners. I've been doing it for years.

      My recent post Why Women Want

      1. I’m sure he's not going to dinner with every chick, maybe he wasn’t looking for that vibe from the women because, he wasn’t interested in her from jump. If the woman is handing him her card and making a good offer to him why not explore it a little. I’m sure he emails these people to get more information before they meet up. And what's the difference if its steak or coffee if she wants him she wants him, it's up to him to draw the line and see that her business is not worth the trouble. But I’m not going to nag about it, if I feel like he's using "networking as an excuse for something else I’m out.
        Lets also remember how you network might not work well for others, some people make hundreds of connections on Linked In while others just can’t get the hang out it. And lets also act like people network over dinner trust it happens all the time especially in the corporate world when you’re trying to move up. As long as dinner is neither at her home nor his.

        1. "If I feel like he's using "networking as an excuse for something else I’m out."

          Me too. But that's what his girl was saying she was feeling. She was saying "Hey Slim, something is off. What's up?". And most of the comments here are calling her crazy for having that suspicion. All I'm saying is that she doesn't sound crazy. He said enough stuff to make me think he's probably sending out some funky vibes. And so I'm encouraging her and all women to go ahead and listen to themselves when they "get the feeling".

          "networking" is part of the Game. And so is calling us crazy when we're right.
          My recent post Why Women Want

        2. Cheering for Smilez today. Not just because I obviously agree, but because she's noting the stuff I didn't put in the post… i.e. the follow up. Also, I did acknowledge that sometimes it becomes apparent what the woman really wanted, but she veiled it. Thus making it wack buckets. Also a good point on different networking strokes for different folks. Poor choice of words given the topic, but I don't feel like hitting backspace.
          My recent post 2008: When Blogging Was Just Blogging

  22. Wackasaurus. I think I just might fall out about that one. It is easy to “hide” behind business. It happens to me a lot. Ppl will ask for your card an then hit you with the “What do you have going on?” bit as a quick in. NOT. Your boopiece is just being aware -if you will- of the scoundrels. Is she over reacting a smidge? Maybe. But if you find yourself at a dinner meeting waiting for ol girl to open her purse and wallet then maybe your boopiece is on to something you may not see.

  23. I have never heard of someone having a serious business discussion, over a meal, that was not at a sit down restaurant. A restaurant that most likely serves alcohol, has waiters and waitresses and is quiet enough so you're actually able to discuss business. So yes, the restaurant might have a "date" atmosphere but if you're there to discuss business, that gets done. I'm a bit confused by the number of people that think this is out of the ordinary.

  24. (1/2)

    You ladies are killing me today. With the exception of having dinners, which possibly could be suspect depending on your field, I haven't read a serious objection in the comment section yet. Time to look at this from a logical approach.

    1. He's attracting other women: I would expect that you would want a good-looking man. If he's good-looking to you, he's probably good-looking to someone else. If this is your issue, then you don't need to be dating anyone who is more attractive than Cee-Lo Green.

    2. Women cross from professional to personal: The woman's ulterior motives are a non-issue. Let's say your man is discussing business over lunch, and she gives an invite to her hotel room, or some other form of impropriety. Your man should be able to say that he's taken, or he's not interested.

    a. If you do believe he will say that and you still have a problem, then you have trust issues.
    b. If you can't trust him to say that, then you're with someone that is going to cheat on you regardless.

    1. (2/2)

      3. He's oblivious: As long as he can say he's not interested when she shows her cards, and as long as she doesn't slip something into his drink, this is a non-issue.

      4. He has business cards: So? Let's say he really was cheating on you. Do you think he's not smart enough to remember a phone number, or at least program it in his phone? The contact info in and of itself isn't going to make anyone do anything.

      1. Every thing you said is fine. BUT I have to object to # 3. Saying you have no idea what's going on when I point it out to you. Acting like I'm crazy/insecure/weird for telling it like it is IS a problem. For me, it's THE ONLY problem. Why? Cause it's just not true. And like all the guys keep saying, honest communication makes all the difference in these sorta situations.

        You know that men/women use business to get pleasure. And (if i can see it from across the room) I know can feel a vibe coming at you. So STOP playing.
        My recent post Why Women Want

        1. Completely irrelevant. Even if a man is a totally naïve rabbit, and can't see the most obvious of signs, it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter if he doesn't pick up on her laughing at his stupid jokes, touching his hand, unbuttoning her blouse, whatever. As soon as she gets explicit and makes a move, he should be able to say, "I'm taken".

          Of course, that doesn't mean you're crazy/insecure/weird. That means you are right and you read her correctly. But you're not dating her. Unless she [email protected] him, he still has to agree to anything that happens. Now do you trust him or not?

        2. OK, assuming he actually is a naive rabbit (lol). His being THAT naive would actually mean I don't trust him. B/c umm….he's a fool.

          But that totally naive guy only exists in theory. In this situation, we dealing with a worldly, business savvy guy who is telling us he has NO IDEA when a vibe is being sent and why women think their on a date when he's just trying to be business partners. I'm not suggesting SLIM would act on the flirtation, but I AM saying that it's not fair for him to pretend like his girl is crazy for questioning the situation.

          In this situation, I think a good man should acknowledge his woman intuition and feelings about the situation could be right, agree to keep an eye on the situation just in case, and reassure her that he has every intention of protecting all aspects of their relationship from thirsty women.

          I know I'm not dating her. But he IS dating me—>and my feelings/opinions and instincts about other women should count for something. At the very least don't call me crazy.
          My recent post Why Women Want

        3. " but I AM saying that it's not fair for him to pretend like his girl is crazy for questioning the situation."

          I didn't read or interpret anything he wrote questioning the sanity of his girl. I see where in the dialouge he asked her if it was a bit presumptuous to assume if every woman he came into contact with wants to get with him, which is a fair question, but no where in the original write up is he implying his girl is crazy. Maybe he did somewhere in the comments.

          At any rate shouldn't it be implied that your man should be protecting all aspects of your relationship from anyone at all times..in any situation? I'll definitely understand and listen to the woman's concerns as long as she knows I'll always do right by her, which in essence, theoretically, shouldn't give her any concerns at all.

        4. I guess IMO, acting oblivious is the same as calling her crazy.

          woman: *sees a tree* Tree
          man: HUH!? WHAT!? THAT!? Uh-Huh. No waaay!
          woman: *feels crazy*

          That could be my interpretation. But that's how it would make me feel:P.

          Also, no I don't think protecting all aspect of your relationship is implied. That's like saying she never has to tell you you're good in bed or that she trust loves and respects you —> cause all that's just implied when she agreed to date you. You may end up repeating yourself a lot…but that's just part of the relationship game.
          My recent post Why Women Want

        5. Amicus: "…he IS dating me—>and my feelings/opinions and instincts about other women should count for something."

          I can understand that and agree. It is his job to put you at ease, and he should be upfront with what is going on. But let's look the conversation here in the comments.

          – The reason the women say they aren't crazy is because the female (may) actually be attracted to him.

          – The reason the men are saying the women are crazy is because they think he will cheat with the female. (Did any guys here actually the women in this case is crazy? Slim didn't in the post, as Larry said)

          Your intuition could be working perfectly and you are correctly identifying the situation. So you aren't crazy in that regard. There is a woman that is after your man, and that makes you uneasy. But that's the issue: your man is with a woman that wants him. However, your man is telling you nothing is happening. So if you don't believe him, that means you don't trust him.

          So no, crazy probably isn't the right term. The women here are just uncomfortable with the situation.

        6. First of all: It's clear that SLIM didn't call her crazy—> he just acted oblivious. Which I equated to calling her crazy. Sorry SLIM.

          "I can understand that and agree. It is his job to put you at ease, and he should be upfront with what is going on."

          GOOD! Actually, that's all I'm saying. Everything else you said about trusting your man… I agree with. So long as trusting someone doesn't mean you don't ask questions or look deep in a situation for answers. The truth is both people in the relationship have to ask questions when necessary and look deeply if you want your relationship to thrive in this day & age. Temptation is everywhere and none of us are invulnerable.

          Jazz, you are infinity reasonable. I think I ready once you have a lady. She is very lucky:)

          My recent post Why Women Want

  25. There’s a difference between setting boundaries and being insecure. I even said you should trust that your man can set the boundaries in these types of situations. Not letting your man go to a business dinner because you feel he can’t handle himself if the woman makes a pass at him or your scared she likes him and will try to take him is insecure.

    I don’t know what field you guys work but having a business dinner every once in a while is pretty normal.This happens all the time in NYC. People work from 9 to 5 or 9 to 6. Trust if you go to a restaurant especially in certain areas you will see to grown men or women having dinner discussing work. It’s normal as long as there isn’t candle light or a violin playing at the dinner table then it should be fine. And aging I’m sure he emails these people or has an initial phone convo to make sure their business is legit before stepping out for any type of personal meet up. If she tries him he’s a big boy he knows how to kindly put her back in her place.

    1. Yeah, I'm not from NYC…and I don't live in a downtown area so I don't see this all the time. If dinner time is the only time you can meet, fine…just like with my studio example. I get that. But, outside of that, dinner time is my time. That's the issue for me. Certain times are family and friends time…certain places are family and friends places. Business should remain in business times and settings…cause its business. For me, its not about security as much as it is…boundaries, like I said. I can't speak for the other ladies but…hey, lol…thats where I'm at. Yes, you should trust your man to do the right thing. But, clear boundaries have never hurt.

      BTW…I'm sure you didn't mean it this technically but I gotta say it, lol. I like my man to choose to do the right thing. I never "forbid" anything. You make your choice and I'll choose whether or not I can rock with it. Whatever the situation, I'll voice my concerns, and we'll decide on a solution that works for both of us.

      1. Def agree. but let’s remember Slim is not married, I can see a wife saying dinner time is me and the kids time no business dinners, but as just a girlfriend/boo thing, idk yall might have to rearrange that. I’m sure Slim isn’t doing business dinners every week, if that was the case then I would tell her run, but if it pops up once in a blue then I don’t see the problem.

        Maybe I’m just weird, I want to work in corporate America I know how the cards work how a lot of deals are made and how important networking is. So if I’m dating someone I need someone who will trust that I can read some ones ulterior motives and even if I miss the first sign that I will stop a wolf in his tracks. Now I will take my mans opinion into account and keep his warning in my mind, but I’m not missing out on money/ opportunity because you feel someone of the opposite sex likes me and you don’t trust my better judgment.

        1. Completely with you. For as long as the scheduling is considerate as you described, you prob shouldn't run for the hills.

          And about your last paragraph, thats the point where you really have to just step back and let life happen. Can't get in the way of progress. Keep the warning in mind but do what you have to do…and allow how you successfully deal with that situation to help her to feel more comfortable and confident in how you'll handle it in the future.

  26. *slips in*
    Happy late Birthday Slim!!
    *slips out*

    And if you're chick gotta problem tell her, "but Baby! It was just a birthday wish!"

  27. I said if the female is all over him of course there are somethings that are just too obvious to not notice but at the same time we've had conversations on here about women sending signals and men being like what does that mean. Maybe he's taking it at face value because he didn’t come to the event looking to see if the women there "like him". Ok he said he didn’t think she liked him in a romantic way, and he stated that he was not interested in her so what’s the issue.

    Would it make her happy if he said, “hey I didn’t think she was interested in me like that, but if you caught something thanks for the heads up. But she has a lot of good business to offer so I’m going to explore it and if she makes a pass at me or steps out of line I will no longer do business with her.”

    1. “hey I didn’t think she was interested in me like that, but if you caught something thanks for the heads up. But she has a lot of good business to offer so I’m going to explore it and if she makes a pass at me or steps out of line I will no longer do business with her.”

      I don't know about her but that sounds great to me! That's acknowledging that she may be on to something, and giving her credit for being an important and intelligent woman in his life. Given the facts he gave us, acting like she's crazy & insecure smells like Game.
      My recent post Why Women Want

  28. Y'all know what I just thought about? The movie, "Two Can Play That Game"…the scene after Morris goes to happy hour with the co-worker. He's talking to Anthony Anderson about how he ended up there.

    Do you fella's remember that? Was Anthony right…in the way he broke Morris down? Is that scenario typical or "hollywood"?

  29. Color me immature… But in 2012, in this s*xual marketplace… Women should just be thankful to be able to snag an attractive man…

    Let him do what he do…

    If you want a faithful man… Get a man that no woman wants…

  30. This post is interesting and it works the other wasy around as well. I hand out alot of business cards with me being in a new city and bulding my network. If I had a dollar for how many men take that as me "giving them my number". Its always gets awkward when they are like, "so when will i see you again" and i'm like. "FOR?". My phone number is pretty much public domian because networking is very important to what i'm currently doing. Also I now make it a rule not to take men i'm "just dating" to events or places where I am likely to give out cards b/c then i'll be having a converstaion similar to the one you detailed above. SMH

  31. A few points:

    1. I can see where the dinner date could be an issue for people. A fair compromise would be to try to set up lunch dates in the future, with dinner reserved for times when schedules don't otherwise gel.

    2. At no point did Slim question his girlfriend's sanity. He rightfully pointed out that it might be a bit presumptuous to assume that everyone who gives you a business card is interested. A lot of people who have their minds set on one thing assume it's the same for the other party. It's really not farfetched to consider the possibility that he didn't initially catch the interest. Guys are sometimes oblivious when women they are quarter-to in love with actually like them back and are trying to give them signs. Why would it be any different when they are taken? Yes, there are some players, and yes, some men try to downplay other women's interest for their partner's piece of mind; that doesn't mean that every guy who is not quick to pick up on signs of interest is incredibly naive/stupid or running game. One should have a general sense of one's partner's ability to read the opposite sex.

    3. If networking is being done one a one-on-one basis with both sexes, then it shouldn't be a huge concern. If you have some trust in your partner, that is. I want to be with someone who I believe would be able to assert himself and validate our relationship as required. However, that course of action is not always required. I would find it arrogant if I were trying to establish some professional relationships and it was assumed that I had ulterior motives. Blogging aside, Slim and I are in a professional field that encourages networking (business card exchange included) to the Nth degree, and nowhere does it say to limit interactions to the same sex. I would probably raise an eyebrow if there were duo lunch/dinner dates every couple of days, but I doubt that's the case. Slim, do correct me if I'm wrong.

      1. lmao. I initially thought you were trying to drop your usual double entendres. Hurray for Google. I was about to tell you happy eats, sans pause. Enjoy anyway!

      2. As I think about this more, the issue of being oblivious is moot. If the dude makes his intentions clear, makes sure nothing appropriate goes down, and meets up with someone of the opposite sex for the reason he said he was going to, no problem.

        The one thing that makes a big difference is the frequency of meetings. I wouldn't be meeting up with the same person at a restaurant or wherever on a weekly basis. To me, you meet up with someone initially so you know who you're dealing with, then you can keep it electronic until that's not efficient.

        Am I the only one that can meet up with someone 1-on-1 or in a group and then be cool not meeting up after that, but still keep in contact? Maybe it's a sales or recruiting thing.
        My recent post 2008: When Blogging Was Just Blogging

        1. Yep – like I said on twitter, my partner would have to be mindful of frequency. To be honest, that's how I see things going: initial meet-up, and then electronic maintenance of the professional relationship unless there's a project that requires more than that. Unless you're trying to build an actual friendship, there's nothing odd about your mindset. Now, the latter scenario is where things could get awkward.

          The obliviousness or lack thereof is only relevant to the extent that he acknowledges the possible dynamics at play and acts accordingly (i.e. not encouraging flirtatious behaviour or giving misleading signs, etc.)

  32. Mhm. I'm sure all you dudes would be so secure with your lady goin to have steak and crab cakes with other attractive, professional men.

    Ultimately, there's some people are bout the business, and others who are not. Be honest with yourselves about the motives of the people you start these networking relationships with. If your girl is a fairly reasonable person, then it probably didn't come from nowhere.
    My recent post On mediocre white people and Affirmative Action

    1. Young Heaux: "I'm sure all you dudes would be so secure with your lady goin to have steak and crab cakes with other attractive, professional men."

      My girlfriend is an attractive woman. I expect guys to approach her. I don't care if the guy is ghey or if she's not their type, if a man looks at her and says she's not pretty, I'd think there was a loose connection somewhere between his corneas and his brain. But I trust her, regardless of the dudes scheming on her.

      Once, she told me a male friend that she knew from high school was in town, and she was meeting him for dinner. I said OK. She was upfront. And I trusted her. I don't care what dude was thinking might happen, I knew it wouldn't happen. Judging by the comment section today, I must have been crazy for thinking that.

      Or I could be wrong. Maybe it's only men that can't control themselves and cheat.

      1. "Boopiece: K, but you shouldn’t be taking their cards in the first place if you know they like you. You shouldn’t have to “not reply.”
        Slim: So am I supposed to assume every chick wants a lotto ticket and a chance? That’s presumptuous don’t you think?"

        I just want to highlight a key part here: Girl said IF YOU KNOW THEY LIKE YOU. Slim says "am i supposed to assume every chick….."
        NOOOO you aint. ***If you know they like you.*** The only accurate assumption made is that some girls WILL like him. Why front like the girl is assuming all other chicks he deals with on a business level are going to try something. Y'all agree that if you can tell a chick is feelin you, you shouldn't go out for business "dinners" w them. Thats it.
        My recent post On mediocre white people and Affirmative Action

    1. I agree but in this case it’s not about trying not to get it. If the tables were turned we would be yelling for our man to trust us. All Slim did was take a woman’s card at a business networking event because they had a conversation and what she presented to him sounded like it was worth checking out. He didn’t seem like he had a problem with his boo asking questions and stating her case. He just wanted to know as a man what’s wrong with him taking a business card. Just because he has it doesn’t mean he has to use it. And even if the girl might have flirted with him little (we all do it) if he didn’t respond to it and just focused on the business aspect then what’s wrong with him shooting ol girl a professional email to get more information. We all know Slim isn’t dumb he will stop this woman in her tracks if she’s wasting his business time to talk pleasure.

    2. they're going to get onto you b/c SLIM never actually used the word crazy. BUT we all know men play the "you're crazy" card just as frequently as they play the "you're a fool" card. I don't know if you've been following the Samantha story, but I have a feeling that once she finally gets wise to the Game, the very next guy is going to call her crazy—–> for being wise to the game. And ALL the comments under that post will be like…'She gotta good man! She should trust her good man! Nigga's can't win *shrugz* '

      My recent post Why Women Want

  33. whoa. some of these comments are so extreme. in both directions. this might be long. warning. lol

    my take is this: i've never disclosed my relationship status to someone i was meeting with for business. to me, it's unprofessional UNLESS your spouse/boo/partner is an integral part of your business or whatever question they asked at the dinner/lunch. i do however keep it business. when you're an attractive woman in nearly any profession, you become accustomed to men saying mildly inappropriate things, and/or slipping questions in about how you spend your time or your weekends, etc.

    i've never left an event with someone i was dating and expressed any doubt about chicks, especially not just from looking at them. that's kind of absurd to me, but i still don't get how the scenario is depicting a crazy insecure woman. telling a man not to pretend to be oblivious when you know that he is in fact not oblivious is not insecure, it's stating a fact. if you're dating someone who you don't trust to handle those types of situations then as stated in other comments, you're with the wrong person. but first your man/woman has to be aware of those situations and what signals he or she may or may not be giving that are unclear where business is concerned.

    it's unrealistic to expect your partner to never have a business dinner or lunch with someone of the opposite sex. if i have a dinner to go with a man that will legitimately further my career, trust i will be there. but just hanging out with other blogger men over dinners… i'm 90% sure that their girlfriend(s) would not want them going out with me to chat about blogging over steak and lobsters. and i'm 100% sure that my dear, loving, naive boyfriend (eyeroll lol) would absolutely have a problem with it. absolutely.

    calling something a business meeting when in fact it's just two people chilling and talking about blogging /writing/whatever can send the wrong sign to a woman. and i don't blame a woman for thinking a man is interested in her if this happens.

    for example… lol… beau tells me to come to networking/happy hour event. i come. i chat, interact with everyone there. when i get there, one woman is such a nice person, i make a note to exchange info with her, or at least get her twitter name, since i'm fairly new to NY and i love making new friends. later in the evening, the woman sees beau being very close and mildly PDA-ish to me and asks how i know everyone. i say so. woman IMMEDIATELY becomes Evil Witch of the West and stops talking to beau and me and proceeds to angrily type on her phone (all of this which i recalled after i'd gotten home.). i go to hug her (like we're all doing) when everyone is leaving and she sticks out a stiff hand to me and a "nice to meet you," rolls eyes at beau and bounces. after, i ask if i missed something, because she was sooo nice. i was all excited about meeting someone new and friendly. his response? "we had a couple business dinners/lunches… i think she likes me. not my problem. she should've said that instead of just hanging around and i'd have happily let her know what's up."

    smh. now i've lost a potential associate/friend because he can't set boundaries or recognize when a woman likes him. lol it's not about whether or not your trust your partner. it's about them being aware. because in the reverse of the situation above, the woman would've been questioned on whether she was leading this friendly dude on.
    My recent post How Garlic Saved My Life (or just my hair)

    1. i also don't think that telling your partner to be careful not to lead people on equates to thinking they'll cheat on you. if i'm seriously dating you and i think you'd cheat, i'm not going to be dating you anymore. period. it's weird to me that stating the obvious equals some kind of lack of trust and immanent fear of being cheated on.
      My recent post How Garlic Saved My Life (or just my hair)

      1. Oh that's a great point! It reminds of in the movie Love Actually when Emma Thompson has peeped that the secretary wants her husband and she's like, "She's quite pretty isn't she?" And husband is all, "is she?" And she says essentially – don't act like you haven't noticed. And then adds, "be careful there."
        My recent post Five on the Black Hand Side

  34. Great topic first of all – now my 2 sense on this –
    Have you run into any of the three elements I mentioned? Definitely I have had men come at me on the job or be a little too friendly when doing business. Over the years I've learned to professionally brush it off and KIM ie Keep It Movin. Even if I have to lie and say I have a man when I don't I will politely and cooly make sure men know that things are strictly business. I do not play into nor entertain sexual overtures. I'm pretty no nonsense when it comes to that because I'm about my business. I gotta eat and keep my bills paid and don't have anyone to fall back on for support…I have to solely depend on myself. So I take my bread very seriously.

  35. cont'd
    Do you let people know that the business won’t be pleasurable? absolutely…I've never mixed business with pleasure and doubt I ever will…..just not worth it. Too many people talk, gossip and judge you. Plus it's never good to eat, shit and sleep all in the same place.

  36. Do you disclose relationship status or intentions upfront to be safe? I don't disclose a damn thing..It's nobody's business and not necessary if it's just a business relationship. Folks have to learn to trust each other completely. Slimuel I think your boofriend needs to trust you and trust that you won't let anything happen with any other woman because you are totally committed to her. She should trust and believe in the man you are and know you well enough to know for sure….I can trust my man wit Janet Jackson, Beyonce, and Eva Mendes and don't have to worry about a damn thing. She should be confident in who she is as a woman that she can maintain and keep your attention and should you decide to get with another charge it to the game and let you go and bow out gracefully and keep it movin cause there are "too many fish in the sea."

  37. That would be me….but hey, to each his own. Certain things come with the type of career you have…..if your gonna be with someone who is in a particular field u trust them completely be with them and have self confidence or leave them the hell alone. I don't feel like one should have to "pre-qualify" business relationships…..if we're both grown azz people we know what it is….if u want it to be anything more you voice that and make it know respectfully and the person accepts or declines….that simple. Business is business….no more no less.
    Have you ever encountered someone who was cloaking hard? No thank goodness…..*smile*

  38. #Wayment
    Observations:

    1. Anytime a woman's intuition kicks in…Its Fact?! Whoa
    2. For either sex this stuff happens, would you not feel better if the mate let you know if an approach was made and they declined. Would it not put you on notice to make sure you keep on your game.
    3. Business is Business if you being a approach shut it down. If you not on the monogamy then crab scratch that (no scavenger) beef loin on you (either sex)

    Can't justify feeling and intuation as fact you will drive your self crazy and deranged and be left alone to handle asexual business…

  39. i definitely know when a man is interested after the exchange of the business cards. its up to ME to put him in whatever box I chose..
    Friendship
    Business
    Other (Im still debating where i want him at, lol)
    So, i believe its up to me to keep the boundries and up to men to keep their women feeling secure in their relationship.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This