Home Dating & Relationships Dating Barbershop Fridays at SBM: 25 Ways Men and Women Get Out Of Dates

Barbershop Fridays at SBM: 25 Ways Men and Women Get Out Of Dates


For a lot of Black men, on Fridays we head straight to the barber to get a cut after work.  We shoot the breeze with the homies before heading out.  That’s what Friday’s on the site will be like going forward.  Of course it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t have music, so that’s Carver’s territory, and he’ll keep #FistPumpFridays going every week.   This week in the Barbershop, we’re talking about how to get out of a date when you want to go chill with your friends (or you really just don’t want to see that person that night).

Here are the scenarios:  1. I’ve been busy all week, and promised “baby” that we would have Friday night to ourselves; quality one-on-one time with no distractions. 2. I’ve been trying to get at this shorty that works in my building for about a month, she finally granted me a date on Friday. 3. I’ve been seeing a young lady for about three weeks and we have plans on Friday, but I already know this relationship is going nowhere.

Conflict: Two of my boys are coming into town, and cats are talking Park tonight; The Guy tells me there’s going to be a ton of “tings” there.  In addition to all that, we got a table.  All real men in attendance know: “We got a table,” and “tons of tings,” changes everything.

So we came up with a list of ways men AND women get out of the date.

  1. Bring your family into it.  You can’t come between somebody and they momma.
  2. “See the way my bank account is set up…”  Just tell her your direct deposit hasn’t come in, and do not accept her offer to pay.
  3. Bring her friends into it.  “Baby you ain’t hung out with your girls in a while and they always hitting you up, you should do that tonight.”
  4. Blame it on an organization.  That’s one thing about being Greek or any Black organization; we can always find a reason to have a mandatory meeting.
  5. Say you’re not feeling well, and you don’t know what it is.  [This is the female equivalent of the Jordan fadeaway.]
  6. Don’t talk to them for a few days and then tell them later, “Since you never mentioned it, I thought you forgot or made other plans.”
  7. Say your car broke down. If she offers to drive, say you have to get it fixed and you need to save money. If she offers to pay, just say you’re not in the mood.
  8. Bring your team into it.  “Babe, I can’t. The Lakers play at 7:30.” #StuffLakersFansSay
  9. One of your friends just got dumped, and you’re going to spend some time with them.
  10. Be the ultimate naysayer. Respond to every idea with a vote of disapproval, “I am a picky eater.” “No, I hate movies, prefer Netflix.” “I don’t let people come over my house on the first date.” “Dave & Buster’s is too much work.”
  11. Start an argument.  Call her “crazy,” instant argument. If she says, “I know,” run like hell.
  12. Dump them for the weekend, get back together on Monday.
  13. Tell him you got to get your hair “did.” Or, you planned on washing it tonight.
  14. Just don’t reply to their messages.  Never hesitate to let a BBM remain on “D.”
  15. Bring your pet into it.  “You asked a friend to watch your dog, but he has to be walked every 4 hours and they can’t do it anymore.”
  16. Women have perfected this one. Go to sleep. Wait until the expected date time and text, “My bad J, I fell asleep.”
  17. Create a Waiting to Exhale moment, or a Brothers basketball game.  “I forgot this was the Friday that we were all getting together. I can’t be the only one not there.”
  18. Tell them you’re a virgin.
  19. Have a friend call you twenty minutes into a date with an emergency.
  20. Don’t show up.
  21. Forget to take off your wedding ring.
  22. Convert to Seventh Adventist for the week. Happy Sabbath.
  23. Change your FB status to “what is your favorite way to cancel on a date?”
  24. Pull out some drugs.  Hardcore stuff too, something that’ll ruin your life like Lindsay Lohan
  25. Show up drunk.
See Also:  Thoughts of a Twenty-Something Turning a Year Closer To 30

Here’s the thing, when men think “relationship,” they hear “companionship.”  When women think “relationship,” they hear “ownership.” No matter what you think, your girlfriend owns that Friday.  Understand that a woman doesn’t want to be your only priority; she wants to be your first priority.  As men, we probably will always struggle with this and never grasp it the way our women wish we would.

On the flipside, we understand that most men don’t deal well with rejection.  Women will say “yes” to a date just to get a man to shut up, later on, they remember they really aren’t interested at all.  And yes, there are those women who wish their man would get some friends and not be up under them all the time.  (They say we don’t ever do this on the site, but…) Men, your girlfriend is your girlfriend, not a coupon. Stop using your girlfriend to save money. While you’re thinking this is a great night at home with a rented DVD, she’s rolling her eyes and thinking about that table.

Question is, what are you doing tonight?

Tracklist: 1. The-Dream: ROC, 2. J. Cole: Nobody’s Perfect f/ Missy Elliott, 3. Usher: Climax, 4. Adele: Rolling In The Deep (Dubstep Remix), 5. Jay-Z: N*gga What, N*gga Who, 6. Jay-Z: Big Pimpin, 7. J. Cole: Can’t Get Enough, 8. Jay-Z: Is That Yo B*tch f/ Missy, Twista, Memphis Bleek, 9. Rick Ross: Is That Yo B*tch, 10. Mary J. Blige: Mr. Wrong f/ Drake


  1. Wow. This list is just…

    I have a pretty standard way of getting out of dates, "Naw." And I'm pretty consistent in only giving affirmative responses ONLY when a date, time, and place I like are offered. And if someone is asking who I have no interest in, I simply say, "Naw." There usually is nothing that follows except if I'm being asked by a frociate (friend +associate – ass). Only then will I say, "Naw. I am flattered but I like things how they are."

    I don't need free meals nor do I have much interest in sharing space with someone who I know I won't ever like for anything more than an occasional conversation.

    1. This ish right chere.

      Don't accept a date you don't wanna go on.
      Ish comes up, be honest with date.
      Date gets mad, enjoy yo-self anyhow.
      *pushes easy button*

      Funny post though

      1. Yes. I don't speak in uncertain terms as that causes confusion. As an adult, I have backbone enough to clearly and tactfully, state MY truth without being rude. I don't have space for folks who don't roll like this. Further, I try to steer clear of men who aren't capable or willing to respect me and my time to do the same. When I catch myself possibly caught in those situations, I think back to the elder men who raised me. What they said they'd do, they did. No reminders needed. Some women are cool with flaky men. I'm just not one of them. In turn, I don't flake.

  2. If a friend asks me to do something with her that I don't really want to do, I just blame it on my husband. I tell them I'm not sure what he has planned for that night and that I'd have to get back to them. Then I tell them no because hubby is doing something and I don't have anybody to watch the kids. It's kind of shady but I don't want to outright say no. I used to just say no but then people stop inviting you to stuff.
    I had a friend ditch me once. Her excuse? Her period came on and she's cramping up really bad. It wouldn't have been so bad except she waited to tell me this until after my son and I had waited for her and her kids at the Children's Museum for three hours. I was SOOO mad but I stayed the good friend and offered to bring her some midol. She said no because she had to get ready for church. o_O What's really lame is that it was her idea to meet up there in the first place.
    My addition to the list: If a woman wants to get out of a date with a man, she can just tell him she's having "girl problems."

    1. "My addition to the list: If a woman wants to get out of a date with a man, she can just tell him she's having "girl problems.""

      i shall keep this in mind…if i get this with this, i shall respond as such:

      "I feel bad for you son, 99 problems and ya issues ain't one.

      hit me!"

    2. lol….Krys u just wrong for that….lol Everyone I know who is married or in a relationship does that mess…..lol
      Oh I gotta check with my wife/husband or gotta check wit my man/girl…..so so tired and played out like an 8 track…lol But hey I would probably do the same thing if I was married….lol……although folks that know me well and family would say, "since when u start checking with people"…???? lol
      I'm more like Ms. Smart and just say no. I tend to say yes to things I don't always wanna do if there is a need; like when friends and family need a babysitter. Don't always feel like it but I say yeah and do it most times.

      1. lol, backfires when you're friends with both of them and they pull the "I wanna go, but you know how Hubby is…" and he comes through with "Yeah, I'm trying to make it happen, but Wifey's not having it"…

        /:-| Oooooook then… lol

        No babysitter is a fallback too. Since when can't folks just say no? *smh*

        1. lol….yeah Star….if you and the s/o or spouse don't have your stories straight and on the same page you will get Busted! lol ha ha
          folks too soft-hearted to say no….

  3. I blame my kids ("no sitter")…or "I double-booked myself and I made the other plan first"…

    Interestingly enough, both of which are usually always true, LOL. I need a secretary…

    1. cyn I blame work a lot…..oh I gotta work late….or I got training, or I'll be out of town on business…..works like a charm…*smile*

  4. "Men, your girlfriend is your girlfriend, not a coupon. Stop using your girlfriend to save money. While you’re thinking this is a great night at home with a rented DVD, she’s rolling her eyes and thinking about that table."


    I literally have this issue THSSECOND. Guy keeps trying to invite himself over for dinner (unfortunately my reputation for throwing down in la cocina preceeds me, lol). I'm like, "er…last week when you wanted to go dutch you mentioned something about me not being 'old fashioned', right? Well this 'modern woman' just doesn't see how cooking for you fits into my 'new' description, sorry".
    This is definitely what I didn't miss about being single when I was boo'd up.

  5. Some are these are funny and a little extreme but I can definitely put a cosign that numbers 6, 14, and 16 work All. The. TIme. and with very little repercussions, but number 20 is JUST WRONG. lol

    In addition another good excuse is dem babies (if applicable) *lol* I used my daughter (I got her this weekend me and her father switched days or I have to pick her up soon, etc.) quite a few times to get out of hanging with a dude. *shrug*

  6. oh, and you forgot the school jab…

    nah i can't make it, i'm working on my (masters/law school/pHd) (group project/research project/ researching the group project/exam/brief)

    that can essentially get you out of any situation, at any time, ANY time… Sunday afternoon when you know you aren't doing nothing, Friday night when you're out and about..it's automatic like the Olajuwon Dream Shake.

  7. looks left – looks right – aiight lean in real good — ummm i use my daughter as an excuse allllllll the damn time!!!

    This kid thing really pays off..lol #taxtimetoo

  8. HA HA….
    This is too funny….
    I was just thinking of a way to get out of a date tonight….
    Thanks guys…. LMAO…..

    As most of you know, I had retired from the dating scene.
    Well, this woman finally convinced me to have dinner with her tonight…
    Problem with this whole thing, I'm not interested in her or her hot A$$ body….
    I was just thinking of way to get out of it and now I have plenty of choices….

    LOL, thank you so much…..

    Have a great weekend everyone and be safe….

    1. lol but when you reach the next level you'll learn to never make finite plans and leave women in limbo and you never have to cancel something you didn't set up. there is knowledge that we have yet to learn.

    1. Yo Streetz, I was just tweeting about this last week. I don't care what no one says, this is a valid reason to cancel ANY plans. Black women especially…hair washing be a damn near 3 hour ceremony! LOL

  9. I guess I'm just overly honest? I generally call/text with something to the effect of "My dude, I'm sorry to cancel on you, but I don't feel like doing this tonight. Therefore, this is my cancellation." If I actually like the guy, I may end with "Raincheck?" Otherwise, I've done my duty in giving you notice that our plans are no longer happening.

  10. grow up and stop playing games with people. thats why these young girls start stalking emails, FB and become paranoid grown women.

  11. Not gonna lie, I'm currently in the midst of doing #14. And I usually don't even need to go that far but I've already cancelled 3 times. Every time I cancel, I get the "well what about this day?" And its not even an issue of me not being direct. I've already told him I'm not interested but because we have a mutual friend…he just won't quit 🙁


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