Home Featured Amber Rose, Kim Kardashian and The Truth About Men And Groupies

Amber Rose, Kim Kardashian and The Truth About Men And Groupies

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Pot.Kettle.Black

Anytime we hear about Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, or any other “I don’t know why they’re famous but they’re famous” women, one word generally pops into many people’s minds: groupie. People often claim these ladies have no real talent, that these reality stars and blue movie stars only date the rich and famous, latching onto their fame in hopes of residual success. Men (who aren’t keeping it all the way real), will say that these women are not ideal mates and that with them, they would never consider a serious relationship. On the flip side, a man who is a “groupie magnet” is considered a red flag for women. I can understand the disdain for women like Kim K and men like Reggie Bush, but in my opinion, the views expressed above are from a jaded and unrealistic standpoint. If we take away personal bias, we can see that there are some intrinsic truths about the groupie culture, truths I’d like to touch on today.

Truth #1: All successful/interesting men have groupies

Groupie love doesn’t end with athletes, rappers, and celebrities. All men of a certain stature have women vying for their affection. Doctors, lawyers, nerds, frat boys, clergymen, politicians, writers, and your favorite coworker have groupies. Disagree? Have you ever been to a NSBE or Congressional Black Caucus conference?! Man listen… I thought I was in the middle of the Sahara with the amount of thirst being displayed! These different groups of men share those admirable qualities which women revere:

Financial Stability

A woman may not be desirous of a man’s pockets, but I’m sure 99% of women do not want a broke and fiscally irresponsible man by their side. If they are career woman, they want to know that a man can hold his own with her and contribute to the overall income of the household. If a woman is the stay-at-home type, she wants to know that she can focus her efforts completely on the family, and won’t have to worry about her son making a Ghostface Killah like ballad outlining their struggle. If she is a gold digger, she wants to make it rain without restriction. So women will look at men who are either ballin, stable, or have a great plan to do so.

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Confidence/Arrogance/Cockiness

If you aren’t feeling yourself who else will? Men in those categories all exude an air of excellence about them. They maintain the mindset that they are the sh*t, and won’t hesitate to let their words and actions supplement that theory. Women can smell weakness and inferiority on a man like walkers detect their prey, and will shy away from dudes accordingly. Whether a man is upfront or reserved about their idea of self-worth, their swag is both undeniable and attractive to women.

Clout

Women will say that they don’t want a dude in the spotlight, but I don’t think that’s 100% accurate. Women, like men, appreciate a person who is admired and revered by others. Women just don’t want a dude who’s “out there,” or “mixxy” as my skinny jean wearing younger brethren would say. All the categories of men I mentioned above have admirable qualities that give them recognition, respect, and notoriety. Doctors save lives. Rappers end them on mp3s, and use those same mp3s to make soundtracks to our lives. Nerds are admired for their intelligence and clergymen for their speaking ability (boy the gift of gab will get you everywhere). We even wrote a blog here months ago about the struggles of relationship blogging, and how that might affect our dating lives, which correlates to this topic today! Men may not ask for the spotlight, but the spotlight eventually finds those that it deems worthy because others wish it so.

Truth #2: The definition of groupie is outdated in 2012.

Groupie or normal woman?

Ladies will swear up and down that another women is a groupie. When I hear this, I like to ask a simple question: “Why do you think she’s a groupie?” Go ahead and ask that next time anyone calls someone out, an watch the reactions on their faces. They will give you a look that screams “well isn’t it obvious?!,” and you’ll get a cliche filled answer such as:

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“Well…she only dates and hangs around rich & famous dudes. You always see her with a certain type of man. She’s like their mascot, and no one would know who she is if she didn’t hang out with them. She’s basically poppin that thing for sex money and notoriety”

This is the common theme with the groupie argument, and while this is generally accepted, there are flaws to this argument. First of all, when you are a celebrity, your personal life unfortunately becomes public consumption. This is the reality TV era, and the world is enamored with the personal lives of others. When celebrities go to events, or enjoy themselves like you or me, their every move is scrutinized and put on blast. Thing is, a majority of the time famous people are hanging with non celebrities, so is every non-famous woman around them a groupie? Seems a bit presumptuous to assume so in my opinion.

Next, people intertwine groupie with other classifications. I read the quote above, and the phrases “gold digger,” “jump off,” and “thirsty chick” jump out to me. Are these terms synonymous with groupie, or stand alone terms in themselves? To me, those terms are the latter. In his newest ebook “Guide To Jumpoffs” (love that title), Dr. J covers the definition of groupie flawlessly. He says:

She just wants to be in the “in” crowd. She enjoys being in the company of people who have a good time, and will ride the curtails of anyone who has some claim to fame. They are not to be confused with Gold Diggers. The key difference is that a Groupie will follow a group with dedication while not really receiving any benefits outside of association. A Gold Digger has no dedication to the group, only the money source.When the money dries out she will go to the next money source, a groupie will stay dedicated and wants you to pull through tough times.

The chapter goes on to define “gold digger,” “jump off,” and the various hybrids. So when people call a woman a groupie, I think they really mean something else completely. I agree with Docs premise, an by his definition, I’m not sure many women are groupies solely, if at all.

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Truth #3: Women confuse showing love for groupie behavior and will guard against it like the plague.

They just lovin the crew?

We have women who will contact the writing team and compliment us for a good post or comment, but won’t do it publicly for fear of being called a groupie. In college, true female friends of mine always thought twice about supporting too many of my frat programs because they didn’t want to be hated on or called out by other women. Meanwhile, the same women who would call others groupies would be seen performing the walk of shame from xyz dorm where coincidentally alll the athletes and frat boys live! Maybe it’s me, but in this situation why would you care about what others think, if you know you’re not a groupie? I understand perception is reality, and women want to make sure they aren’t erroneously classified, but that’s life. Somebody will have something to say about all aspects of your life and make claims whether valid or not. All you can do is be you and carry yourself how you want to be perceived.

I’m not saying that groupies don’t exist. However, when we label anyone, we should be careful of misrepresentation. Hoes be winnin’, but not all of them perform ho activities.

Which brings me to today’s questions. How do you define “groupie” in 2012. Do you think that, as a culture, we’re a little too quick to pass judgment and call folks groupies? Do you have friends or acquaintances who might fit into your definition? Do you call them out on their groupie-ish activities? Any groupies out there willing to admit so be you a man or a woman?

Don’t group me with groupies, I remain group free.

StreetZ

Comment(64)

  1. Ahh, yes. The "groupie" debate.

    In regard and forbearance to all public opinion and/or assessments of validity regarding "groupies"…
    I have decided to avoid spilling bleach all over anyone's Bentley (and avoid having anyone "spill" it on mine), by quoting a famous philosopher as follows:

    "He who hath many friends hath none." –Aristotle
    …take it as thou wilst.

  2. Ha! Luv this 🙂
    #3 is the truth!
    Although, Im usually a groupie for smart guys.
    I can def understand ur college friends, cuz women always gossip and assume the worst.
    So in the end reputations can get destroyed because of these catty chicks. #Haters!

  3. Awesome read. I think that depending upon the circles you roll in may be a factor. Successful people are typically around other successful people so it is all fair in love and war. I think that men who have a certain (insert French word here) about them are prone to Opportunists. Nothing wrong with it. Who wouldn’t want to be with a great black man. Groupies are hoes who blank for a buck or maybe want some 15 min of fame -even in their local neighborhood.

  4. Y'all got groupies? I guess I'm not surprised. I like to keep my compliments public – no need for a private convo to tell you that your writing is great, clearly growing or especially relevent. Yes, yes…I know I'm the one who led the online petition for Larry to put up his shirtless avi…and I may have thrown some e-maternity panties or 2…but it's all in good fun!

    My nosy azz wants some details. I know y'all have a running list of thirsty, strange and crazy private messages/interactions. THAT'S what I want to see! C'mon, you can change names to protect the guilty. I only know 1 groupie in real life, and she's retired.

    1. My nosy azz wants some details. I know y'all have a running list of thirsty, strange and crazy private messages/interactions. THAT'S what I want to see!

      I second that motion.

      Ninjas wanna see, Ninjas wanna see…

      SSTTE

    2. Teffy

      1) Im still mad that you said im fake humble. We shall have words!

      2) You know the feds list-nin, n*gga what groupies?

  5. Very well written. It's important for people to first understand the characteristics of something before labeling someone else as that thing, and this post did a very good job of differentiating between groupies and otherwise.

  6. I think a lot of people throw 'groupie' around when it really doesn't qualify. Kim K at this point can't be a groupie if she makes more money than everyone she's dated in the last three years. Amber could qualify, except that honestly, hasn't she only dated like two people in the last two years? That doesn't seem very opportunistic to me. I mean, there are some women who have gotten 'rich' solely due to their exploits, but that's kindof a whole different category that deserves it's own title. I have no idea where I'm going with this, but honestly, I don't hate on anyone. Do you, dammit. I've met a lot of those girls and they're just nice people, and pretty, and last time I checked, men like that, so whatever.

    1. I agree with you to an extent. In regards to Kim she definitely doesn’t need any man’s money athlete or not. Although I do think groupies exist, the term needs to be better defined.

    2. It's not about the money when it comes to groupies. I mean why did Kim K smash Kanye West, or Reggie Bush on a rookie contract? That's not why people call her a groupie. Kim K. is not a golddigger for sure.

      1. Kim K is a smart and resourceful young woman on a mission and she is beautiful….folks need to stop hatin and get over it……let her live…..she ain't hurtin nobody. Haters need to take a major chill pill and chase it wit a big glass of get ya own hustle.

      2. I agree with you, I believe "groupies" in it's current term involves running in 'highercircles'. But in that context Kim was also more famous, and arguably her relationships (with the exception of Kanye, which was relations & really don't count) better benefitted the men she was with than she herself.
        I have always gone by 60's groupies self-definition, where they define themselves as cheerleaders and muses that employ um…. carnal gratitude. The benefit for them was just being in the presence of art, & being a part of it. "The rest", as one groupie would say, "are starf**ers".

  7. great post son. honestly i still think groupies exist but everyone has to play their role and some people are relegated to groupie status. number one stands out to me most. while i visited nashville this past weekend again my friends joked that the "tunde fanclub" would be out in full effect. i laughed and shrugged it off. not to boast but they definitely were. i'm far from an athlete or entertainer.

    My recent post All (Wo)Men Were Created Equal

  8. Please. I think this is one of those situations that it doesnt really matter what you consider yourself. If a dude considers and treats you like a groupie that is what you are. For example the “showing love”, lots of men take that as groupie love, essentially it’s all perception.

    1. You would get a C+ for this response. It's about how they treat you. If a man treats you like a groupie and you're willing to accept it that's all that matters. But if a dude thinks you're a groupie and you're really a gold digger, that's his bag. Well, not really cause he'll lose that money bag.

  9. Why does the term "groupie" have to have a negative connotation to it? I guess it depends how one defines it I suppose. Based on Dr. J's definitition that Streetz outlined in the post I wouldn't necessarily view it as a diss to be called that.

      1. Well, I didn't comment to say that it was a positive label either. Not a diss..not a praise. Just a definition, really. I guess in a world of binary distinctions it must be one or the other I suppose. Ahs well.

    1. Because being called a groupie implies that she doesn't bring anything to the table other than "attention and affection". If you're an intelligent, well rounded, cultured, educated woman who enjoys having conversations with intelligent, cultured, worldly, educated men, in other words, dealing with men ON HER LEVEL, then it is an insult.

  10. First things first, Beyonce is a self-admitted groupie. And she really is a groupie. Matthew Knowles could not have saved her career after she went solo. It was headed to the can, but that relationship and beats she got from Jay-Z made it official and kept her afloat until she could come back with Dangerously in Love. It's a circular relationship though because Jay is also a Beyonce groupie. He's chasing her youth and also for beauty. Prefaced "pause" but Jay-Z knows that by himself nobody sees him as attractive, so he surrounding himself with attractive people.

    1. Dr. J I think a lot of folks under-estimate B's intelligence and skills because of her beauty and her looks overshadow her talent many times which is such a shame.
      From what I understand and have seen in her albums she writes and/or cowrites much of her own songs. She wrote and cowrote several Destiny Child songs. She is just as talented of a writer as Jay-Z is in his writing skills. I'm not a major Beyonce fan but I respect her as an entertainer and businesswoman and recognize her skillz. I think she needed a lot of guidance in the business side of the industry but she has been writing song since she was a child. I saw an interview where even Prince acknowledged that he was impressed that she could read music and knew scales and linear notes and really understood all those things a "real musician" should and wasn't just a pretty singer.
      So stop sleepin on the beautiful ones please.

      1. Nobody is sleepin' on Beyonce. And just because you write and cowrite your material won't do it in this music industry. That's just a fact. It takes image. Also, Beyonce writes with a staff, don't sleep. They tried and give Mariah a lot of credit for things that she did with the help of a team.

        The thing is in response to your comment. I didn't think that Jay-Z wrote her music. I think he helped her image and gave her access to resources she wouldn't have had.

      2. I think a lot of people OVER-estimate her just as much, mostly because of clever tricks with the songwriting credits. For example, almost NONE of her, or DC's biggest hits were written by her or had her as more than a minimal song credit. They were written by Sean Paul, Solange, Kandi, Ne-yo, The Dream, etc, etc, etc. with her having just enough input to get a songwriting credit. She has just as good a team as Rhianna, and they know that in the current industry, image trumps content. Shoot, even Jay knows that, find me a REALLY good song of his that didn't feature another rapper distracting you in the last what five years? "All black everything" 2x, really? A LOT of people are skirting by on image alone. Yeah this is really off topic, but I don't count artists like Rhianna in that sentence, because her entire APPEAL is image-based from jump. She & her team presented a package to you from day 1, much like the "Madonna model" of pop. Present new image for album, rinse, change clothes, then go.

    2. I do agree that Jay-Z probably does surround himself with attractive people to make himself look better as did Biggie. But still can't deny the swag and charisma that both men have.

  11. Secondly, Cassie… we didn't mention Cassie. That girl is a groupie, but it's paying dividends for her. Diddy has the MIST and Cassie has a little bit of it too. Ain't no way around it, but there's no reason why Cassie is still in the game. Tearra Marie can't buy a mixtape, but Cassie is a fashion symbol. Cassie took being a groupie and she made it a legitimate business.

    Amber and Kim K are not really groupies. It's like that movie Showgirls with Jessie from Saved by the Bell. They really never stop moving up and they never stay in one place too long. If anything they're opportunists. (Don't steal this instrumental, that's my follow up post. The Masters' Program to Jumpoffs.)

    Big difference between Cassie, Kim and Amber is that at this point, Amber and Kim can stand on their own. Cassie, not a chance in the free world. But that's perfectly fine because Cassie's fine-ass can do whatever she wants.

  12. In my experience, women talk about groupies more than the men that supposedly have them. People are always looking for a way to put others in a box (pause) that's usually less savory than the ones they're in themselves. Same with the use of the word thirst. I don't hear men throw that label around as much as women do. You can't be standing a party waiting to get chose and looking at the chicks talking to men and getting chose and then label them as thirsty or groupies, when all you got is a drink, dreams, and an opinion.
    My recent post 2008: When Blogging Was Just Blogging

    1. Women have been putting themselves in positions to be noticed by the 'top pick' of men since Ruth infiltrated the palace and laid at the feet of Boaz (at the direction of her mother in law). She plotted, planned and posted up and guess what? She was chosen… by a baller. Her behaviors would be classified as groupie behavior by today's definition. I mean she "got dressed up for this." As I write, Vanessa Bryant and her mother come to mind as well………………… Anywho, I'll stop now before I take this too far. I think you get my drift.

      Some of the best advice a man ever gave me: If you want a man, stop doing so much ish to please other women.

  13. A groupie, IMO, is just an admirer.
    Ok maybe an admirer x100. LOL!
    But it can be anyone regardless of gender, or social status, & age.

  14. Great read today! I wanna say that I have found that men who are "Confidence/Arrogance/Cockiness", are the ones who are most insecure and sensitive.

  15. Groupie and gold digger are not mutually exclusive terms. A groupie is a person that attaches themselves to a person simply because of a status they deem important. Their main objective is not always money but being associated with that person, crowd, etc. a golddigger is a person that is there for money, the person doesn’t have to be popular or even good looking but be loaded.

    1. What’s with the asshole behavior? These blogs are put up with the purpose of starting conversation correct??
      SMH

  16. How do you define “groupie” in 2012. Do you think that, as a culture, we’re a little too quick to pass judgment and call folks groupies? To me a groupie is a chick that hangs off of men who are famous and celebrities, and men with status who look good like cheap shirts….they plaster themselves onto them like cheap cologne. They follow them everywhere they go…..on tours, malls, various venue's and just everywhere; I think for the purpose of being promoted to wife of said celebrity, famous person, man with status as well as to be associated with celebrities, famous people and men with status.
    Hell yeah folks too quick to pass judgement…but hey thats been goin on since the biblical days and always will be…folks judge. tis what it tis.
    Do you have friends or acquaintances who might fit into your definition? I do have an ex-friend who was a groupie/golddigger and probably still is…..hence why she is an ex-friend.
    Do you call them out on their groupie-ish activities? Any groupies out there willing to admit so be you a man or a woman? I called my ex-friend out…..thats about it…..anybody else could I could care less.

  17. fyi for the fella's….many women think long and hard about the type of man they will be with and marry and what his profession will be, unlike men. I don't find that men care that much about what a woman does for a living as long as she has a job and is making money. Despite making her own money though many women will end up spending more of the mans money than her own.
    I think this ties closely to the post.
    Women are purpose driven when dating and they are naturally attracted to men with money and status for various reasons….so if too loose of a definition of groupies is given then practically every single woman is or has been a groupie at some point in time.
    This is just pt of the nature of women in general.
    It's impnt for women to be secure financially and we also like to brag to our girlfriends and fam that "my man/husband is Dr. Lawyer, VP, etc etc etc.

  18. The groupies I know are all-out seeking athletes/musicians/frats/famous people. They fully intend to use that person's connections to meet other bigger & better athletes/musicians/frats/famous people. They're trying to make a come-up in life by doing nothing and their ultimate goal is to end up as someone's trophy piece.

    Those are the types of chicks I refer to as groupies. In college, I had too many friends that were groupies. They slept with every football/basketball player in the hopes that he'd get drafted (which was likely since I went to Ohio State) and take them along with him. They let entire frats run through them, and so we were VIP at every campus party. I got the benefits of having groupie friends without doing any of the dirty work – so hey, they're fine with me. Who am I to knock their hustle?
    My recent post Bad Luck Blues

    1. lol cant knock the hustle. Unfortunately those behaviors make some women feel like if they even give the football player a genuine complement that she might be labeled as groupie. Can’t even tell the quarter back "hey good game last week" without other women giving you the side eye lol.

      Side note: Twitter has taken the "groupie game" to a new level lol. Regular charismatic men have like 3000 followers if they have good tweets or a sexy avi. But sometimes a groupie is nothing but a well known admirer. (key word sometimes)

  19. I still stand by my statement made on the post a while ago about Evelyn (BBW). You can't be mad at these lady. There are plenty of women that date (or F^%$) sucessful men, however how many of them are making this into a career. Using the two people mentioned in this post, Kim K went from a sex tape leak to a TV show and multiple endorsment etc… Amber Rose is now the face of Smirnoff Vodka. What makes these women exceed any "groupie" label they are given is the fact that they used there 15 mins in smeone's light to create their own niche. I think most people that are quick to label them "groupies" are hating b/c they lack the know how to come up like they did. I'm not saying their claim to fame is "right" or what others should emmulate but don't make their sucess seem like its something they didn't accomplish.

  20. Great article. Yes people are way too quick to pass judgment on people and labeling them "groupies." There definitely are such things as groupies but unless you're the groupie or are the person someone is groupie-ing for, or maybe you're highly involved in the situation, how the hell would you know? I can't call no b*tch a groupie cause I have no idea what her relationship really is like with a given athlete/celebrity.
    My recent post What Everyone Should Know About Trayvon Martin (1995-2012)

  21. Thoughts:

    Kim Kardashian can't be a groupie or gold digger. When you regularly are on the cover of the tabloids and leading off on Extra and Entertainment Tonight, plus you're a multi-millionaire, I'm not sure how you can be a groupie. Can a rich person be a groupie because they hang with other rich people?

    I'm not into pop culture enough to comment on Amber Rose. The only things I know about her is she dated Kanye and I have more hair than she does.

    Dr. J has the perfect definition of groupie and gold digger.

    Is a woman wanting a rich or popular man a groupie? I would classify someone travelling city to city to see concerts of their favorite artist, or making a billion comments on their Twitter/Facebook page a groupie more than a woman trying to get chose by someone famous.

  22. A groupie at least what i thought it wa:. is having an admirer or a crush on a celebrity that you are a huge fan of, and if you met them would love to have sex with said individual(s). In a way we all have been there or are still there. Like for me Sanaa Lathan to me is just……..man no words And i would watch any film she is in even if it was terrible. I knew guys back in the day that watched Jlo movies to see if there are any scenes with a possible backshot. Anyway, these women to me have basically existed in or were brought into the social circles that gave them the chance to be noticed.

  23. I like the flow and concept of the post…but groupie is a subjective word if you don't know the accused "groupie" personally. The female could just hangout with a certain crowd because she has earned or inherited a right to do so..for example, a popular local artist and/or a trust fund baby. However, they're are a lot of females that feel like their entitled to latch on to anyone who's built a name for themselves. It's males and females that they attach to I've noticed.
    My recent post Why I’m Pro Life

  24. A man came up with the term groupie, most likely the man who was hanging around the guy who gets all the women. Don't believe the hype. Men are more likely to accuse a woman of being a groupie than women are. We are more respectful of the hustle and supportive ;-). Don't believe me? Spend more time on twitter or on blogs…. Also, didn't y'all hear about the guys who lined up in the mall, randomly shouting "groupies" to all the women who passed by during the All-Star Games? Yah.

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