Home Featured Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 4: The Butcher

Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 4: The Butcher

This Is A True Story

A chill ran up my spine. The hairs on the back of my neck stood and, for the life of me, I couldn’t tell whether it was because of the supermarket’s near freezing temperature, or if it were because my mind’s eye had turned to him. I knew I’d be seeing him. As I made my way through the chilly produce section I wondered what cute, funny bits of slyness he’d whisper for my ears only as he handed me my pound and a half of spiced ham. He knew he was getting to me, slowly breaking down my defenses and scaling the walls I’d built these last few years, but I didn’t mind. At that point in my life, 3 years removed from the sergeant, more than a year since Lance’s proposition, 10 months since Steve and I last saw each other, 6 months since I’d last had sex and 5 weeks into my new job-I was clear on exactly what I wanted and more importantly, what I didn’t want.

If you haven’t read parts of one, two and three of the Single Sam Series, where I follow a friend of mine through her real life experiences in love, you might want to click here: Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 1: An Officer and a Gentleman. Here: Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 2: The Proposition and Here: Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 3: No More Mr. Nice Guy

“So when you gonna stop playing and give me your number?” he said smiling.

I’d been enjoying that smile for a while. It was a surprising and wonderful contrast to the natural sternness of his face. When his sharp, high cheekbones, skeletal jaw line and thin eyebrows opened up into a smile, his brown skin took on a joy-filled glow rarely seen in the modern day black man.

“Why should I give you my phone number?” I responded, coyly.

“Why shouldn’t you?” he said quickly, as if he already knew my response and planned his ahead of time.

It was that sort of attention to detail and subtle knowledge of the way these games go that made him both attractive and intimidating. It was clear that I knew he’d known his share of women, clear to me, and clear to him. He wore that knowledge with neither pride nor humility, but with a comfort and grace that spoke to a natural elegance that is only acquired by a few at birth.

“You know what, I actually don’t have an answer to that,” I said, finally relenting. “917 -xxx-xxxx,” I said.

“Got it.”

“You’re not going to write it down or put it in your phone?” I asked.

“Nah, hands are dirty from all this meat, I’m just going to remember it.”

“Derrick are you sure?”

“Nah, I’m positive. I been trying to get your number for months, no way I’m going to forget it. I get off at four, I’ll call you then.”

“If you say so.”

Our first time hanging out outside of the supermarket was a lazy stroll through Fulton Park a week or so after we exchanged numbers. It was unseasonably warm for April so we celebrated the awesome weather with ice cream cones from Mr. Softee–mine vanilla with rainbow sprinkles and his, chocolate with chocolate sprinkles. We’d been walking for more than a half hour when I realized I’d been talking about myself the entire time.

“But enough about me … how bout you? How’d you become a butcher?”

“Ahhh… that’s a long story. You want the long version or the short version?” He asked.

“Whichever you feel like sharing,” I responded.

“Well, the short of it is, did two semesters at NYU, hated it, dropped out, ran around for a while, did a little bit of this and that, then about three years ago, I just got tired of being a child so I went and got a job.”

“At the supermarket?” I asked, not intending my question to sound as judgmental as it did.

“Yeah …” he said laughing at my judgment, “… At the supermarket. At the time, it didn’t really matter to me what I did, I just wanted a real job.”

“What were you doing prior to that? I asked.

“I mean, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I’d string together jobs here and there–a sneaker store for a little while, a bank for a little while. I could never settle on any one thing, and all throughout I’d have these little hustles I picked up from the guys I came up with.”

“Like what?” I asked, intrigued.

“I mean like, when I was at the sneaker store, I became cool with the store’s manager–even after I left. So like, when new Jordan’s would come out, he’d hold like 6 pairs for me, I’d buy them, and then sell them on e-bay after all the stores ran out.”

See Also:  Terry Crews Upsets Women with His View on Fatherhood

“That’s interesting,” I said.

“Yeah man, easy money. I always had hustle to me, ever since I was a little kid.”

He went on to tell me about his childhood. He’d grown up in the neighborhood and was a problem child of sorts. The youngest of his still-married parents’ three boys; he was the kind of kid who teachers always said was “really smart but never works to his potential.” His middle brother was athletic and stern and grew up to be a cop, and his oldest brother, a genius academically, but an idiot as far as common sense was concerned, was a doctor. He told me how he’d always had success with everything he’d ever put his mind to, but that he never found anything worth sticking with. Normally when men talked like that it was a major red flag. I’d learned that commitment issues in one area of life typically meant commitment issues in all areas of life, however, there was something special about the way he carried it all. When he talked about acing his SATs and getting into NYU he wasn’t bragging; he wasn’t proud of it. No, for him, intelligence was a burden. “It’s easy to pick a career when you’re only good at one thing. How can you dedicate yourself to anything when everything comes easy?” he asked at one point.

And that’s how we were for a long time. I’d meet him after his shift ended on Saturday afternoons and we’d take these long walks. I’d talk his ear off about the everyday minutia of my life from the light ups and downs of my new job and the mini-crush I was developing on my boss, to the heavier stuff like my dad’s addiction issues and the difficulties of my prior relationships. He’d just listen, and listen, and then listen some more. It felt good to be heard. So often, in so many of the relationships prior to him, who I was seemed strangely irrelevant. The sergeant wanted a chick on the side, Lance wanted a concubine and Steve wanted a Stepford wife. But with Derrick, he seemed to just want to listen to me talk. We didn’t need to sit down at a fancy restaurant, or in his apartment–he just wanted to walk and talk. Every so often, in between my expansive rants, he’d open up about himself and peel back a new layer of his life piquing my curiosity and intrigue only to pull away leaving me yearning to know more. It was slow, deliberately slow, on both of our sides. And I didn’t mind.

Eventually we moved on to more formal dates, dinners some nights, drinks others, but our Saturday afternoon strolls never stopped. The first time I ever went to his house was after one of those strolls.

“Wait, this is where you live?” I asked.

“Yup!” He said with a smile.

“We’ve been walking by it all this time and you never mentioned it?”

“Yeah, I mean, there was no need right?”

“I guess,” I said walking into the building.

The first thing I noticed walking into his apartment was the smell. His apartment smelled like what I imagined the apartment of the guy who sells incense and African oils on the train to smell like. The second thing I noticed was a wall full of pictures, right by the door. In the center of the pictures was the picture of a black man. Beneath the portrait was the man’s name, and beneath that, the dates of his life 1977-2007.

“Derrick, who is this?” Sitting on the couch, he didn’t even look up when he started speaking.

“That’s my oldest brother.”

“I thought you said he was a doctor.”

“He was.”

“He’s dead?” I asked, realizing the obviousness of the question.

“I mean, how come you didn’t tell me?”

“I don’t know, just didn’t feel like talking about it at the time.” He said, motioning me over to the couch where he was sitting.

“His death was, complicated and I really don’t like to talk about it,” he continued.

“What happened?”

“He was murdered. Over a girl. She was cheating on him with a real street dude, and like an idiot, he confronted him, they got into a fight, and my brother got stabbed.” The words lingered in the air as he stared out into the nothingness before him, clearly picturing the woman who had caused his brother’s death, and the man who had taken his life.

“Nigga never had no common sense when it came to that bitch.” His tone had shifted, there was no smile, no joy on his face, just disgust.

Before I could muster up any sort of encouragement, he leaned over and kissed me. I was caught completely off guard but it was beautiful. Never before had I been kissed so deeply and passionately. He stood, reached out his hand and lead me to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. What followed was what I can only describe as the best sex I’ve ever had. We did it all night long. We’d have sex, fall asleep, wake up and do it again. It was at times slow and intense and at other times fast and intense. I found myself simultaneously satisfied and insatiable; I couldn’t take anymore but couldn’t get enough. That night he guided me, happily, across boundaries I never thought I’d even approach and by the time I went to sleep for good, I found myself floating on the soberest high I’d ever experienced.

See Also:  Why Do Good Men Become Dogs?

The staggered brightness peeking through the shades on his bedroom widows woke me the next morning. I was still high. I reached over, pulling open what I thought was the drawer I’d seen him go into last night each time we were ready to reacquaint ourselves; but condoms I did not find. As quickly as I’d accidentally opened the larger bottom drawer, I shut it. Pretending not to have seen what I knew I saw, I opened the smaller top drawer, which happened to be filled with protection; but I couldn’t proceed. My curiosity got the best of me. I looked back at Derrick, still fast asleep and slowly pulled open the bottom drawer. It was filled, nearly to the top, with thick rubber-banded knots of money. My heart sank. He had to be a drug dealer I thought. I slithered out of the bed grabbing my things as quietly as I could. Derrick stirred. My clothes in hand, I crept my naked self through the door and got dressed in the living room shaking my head the whole while.

Later that day, he called but I didn’t answer. Later still, he sent at text to which I did not respond. That evening, he left me a voice-mail.

“Sam, what up. You slid off smooth this morning and I haven’t been able to reach you. Just making sure you’re safe and hoping you’re alright with everything that happened last night. I’m just kinda hoping you don’t feel like we went too fast – I had a wonderful time and hope you did to.”

I didn’t return the call. I hated drug dealers. I thought the whole game was filthy–resentment built after seeing what it had done to my family. As far as I was concerned I was fine with leaving the night Derrick and I had shared exactly where it was – in my past.

The next day, Monday, my work phone rang and I picked up instinctively.


“Derrick?” I said surprised, remembering I’d given him that number.

“Yo, what happened? You got me feeling super lame over here.”

The fact that I was at work, and but a few feet and paper thin cubicle away from my boss, forced a calmness in tone I would not have been able to otherwise muster.

“Derrick, I can’t talk right now. Actually, we can’t ever talk o.k.? I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Wait … the fuck is wrong with you? How the fuck you turn into super-bitch over night?”

I hung up the phone. It immediately rang. I let it ring out. It rang again. I let it ring out. It rang again. My boss stood up, looking over the cubicle wall.

“Everything alright over there?” he asked smiling.

“Yeah Dave, I’m alright.”

“Tell them dudes stop stalking you!” he said joking, as he often did.

“I know.”

The phone rang again and I picked.

“Derrick, you need to stop calling here, this is my job.”

“I’m sorry baby. And I’m sorry for cursing at you. Just tell me what happened and I’ll stop.”

“I saw the money Derrick – all that money. You know how I feel about dealers …” I started.

“What the fuck were you…” he started and stopped, catching himself. “ I’m sorry. I’m cursing again. I just don’t know why you would go through my stuff. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is: I don’t sell drugs, Sam. I know how you feel about that and I give you my word, I’m not a drug dealer.”

“So where the hell did all that money come from? I’m not stupid. That’s not normal. Not at all.” I said louder than I wanted to.

“Look, let’s just take a walk when you get off work today. I promise you I’ll explain everything … just meet me in the Park … 6:30” he said convincingly sincere.

“6:30 I responded.”

I hung up the phone and my boss stood up again.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, just girl troubles. I’m sorry I was loud.”

“It happens, if you ever wanna grab coffee and talk about it let me know.” He said.

See Also:  5 Things We Can Look Forward To With KimYe’s Love Child

I walked up the stairs, from the subway, into Fulton Park. Looking at my watch, I realized I was 45 minutes late. Still, at the top of the stairs, there stood Derrick, waiting. And as we had so many times before, we began walking.

“Look Derrick, I been thinking about it all day, you don’t have to lie to me. That’s more upsetting than anything. You’re a really nice guy. I really enjoy spending time with you and maybe we can even still be friends eventually, but I just can’t be with a drug dealer. I’ve just seen too much of that growing up and I know how that ends.” I’d been practicing all day, and most of what I said was true. I wasn’t angry at him for what he did, just disappointed.

“Sam, stop saying that. I’m not a fucking drug dealer. I don’t sell drugs. I sell sex.”

I stopped so suddenly that he took two full steps before he realized I was no longer next to him.

“What? What does that even mean?” I asked. He turned around and walked toward me.

“I … I work with girls. I help them. I help them use what they have.”

“This isn’t happening. You’re telling me what I think you’re telling me.” I said. “You’re a fucking pimp?” I asked.

“Nah … Come on baby, it ain’t like that. I help women who don’t have any other options …”

He talked for ten minutes straight. Told me how he gives women the opportunity to make money, save money. Told me that he’d “rescued” girls from group homes and shelters and taught them how to use “the best asset they had” to change their station in life. He told me how lost they were before they met him. He said it wasn’t like what I’d probably seen on TV. That they weren’t out on corners running from police and blowing guys in back alleys and the backseats of cars. Instead, they placed ads on sites like craigslist and backpage, and that he’d drive them to their “appointments” and wait outside and pick them up to make sure they were safe. It was a business he said. And the money they made he held onto for them. That’s the money I’d seen. It was theirs.

I felt disgusting. He had stopped talking, but I was so frozen in shock that I didn’t even notice. When it finally occurred to me that it was my turn to speak, I didn’t have much to say.

“Do me a favor …”

“Anything Sam…”

“Lose my number and please just pretend we never met.”

When I got home, without even thinking, I sat on the couch and flipped open my laptop. I made my way to one of the sites he’d mentioned. It was divided by state. I clicked on New York. Once I clicked on New York, it was then segmented by borough. I clicked on Brooklyn. And that brought me to the ads. Page after page after page of ads. All women, all in Brooklyn, all offering their sexual services. Some looked old, some looked young, some looked really young. And with each ad I clicked through, with each set of eyes I stared back into, pieces of my heart began to erode, slowly disintegrating inside of me.

“Caramel Delish – STD Free – 420 Friendly – 60 hearts for top, 120 for Fetish – All Access Available – 718-xxx-xxxx”

The picture attached to the ad was of a young girl who could just as easily have been 16 or 26. I looked into her eyes as she looked into the mirror, camera phone in hand, snapping a picture of her own half naked body. I shut my laptop abruptly and tried to forget about everything I’d seen. But I couldn’t get away from her eyes staring at me. I imagined her mother, staring at those same eyes when she was child. I imagined all the hope she might have had for her life. I imagined the hardships she might have endured as she grew up. The tough hand of cards this world may have dealt her; cards that might have led her to a women’s shelter or a group home. I pictured her at her lowest, looking for some ray of light, maybe a hand to help her out of the dark place she’d fallen into. But instead of a savior’s hand, it was someone like Derrick who found her.

A chill ran up my spine. The hairs on the back of my neck stood and this time I knew with absolute certainty that it had nothing to do with the temperature of the room and everything to do with the fact that my mind’s eye had turned to him, the butcher.

Email: Mr.Spradley@singleblackmale.org



    1. that is EXACTLY what I was going to type. first reaction: "D*mn Sam can't catch a break can she?!" sheeeeeesh!

      I agree, great writing Sprads

    1. +1000
      I was about to say the EXACT same thing. In 5 more years she's going to be interviewed on Dateline about while successful black women can't get married…SMH!

    2. lol STEVE !!!!! Actually there wasn’t anything wrong with this one but the fact that he's a pimp. Other than that he was sweet, attentive, listened, opened up steadily, didn’t have another wife, girlfriend, baby mother and was cute. I think she wouldn’t have been as made if he said he was a stripper. Mr. Spardley has been dropping us small jewels with these last two stories, she had what seemed to be perfectly good men just not the good men for her.

  1. Wow!! Sam is meeting alleged nice guys who are at the bottom of the barrel; they just can't get any worse. They seem great, once she's getting to know them, but upon seeing the RED flag it's just out of this damn world. Poor Sam, hope her love life has evolved.

    1. Yeah, that Steve was a real loser. With the responsibility and stable home life. Man, guys like that are horrible. Horrible!

      1. Jupiter Calhoun, HLS: "Yeah, that Steve was a real loser. With the responsibility and stable home life. Man, guys like that are horrible. Horrible!"

        And if that's not enough, he takes care of his son! What a bore!

  2. Welp, Sam’s got me beat. Compared to her, my dating life had been bland as mashed peas. Next time someone tells me, “only you Star-this crap only happens to you!” I’m linking them to Sam’s stories. A pimp? And he thought that was cool? Like she’d go “oh cool, you’re JUST a pimp, not a dealer, cool. ”

    Way to walk away Sam…Lord knows it’s not always easy.

    This stuff makes me so sad…

    1. I know. If I lived to be 100 years old, I don’t know if I could ever meet men like this.I am truly genuinely shocked.

      She has had a hell of a dating life. Hope this turns out alright for her. I love happy endings!

    1. My best advice: If you're wondering why a situation turned out the way it did, 99% of the time it's by filling in the blank of this sentence.

      I met him at ________.

      She met cuz at the butcher shop.

  3. I have had my share of relationships and I can say, I have never been in situations like this. But, at some point I had to look at myself and wonder why I was continuing to get these type of guys. This is the same thing Sam needs to do, look at herself. At this point for me, I would like to be in a great relationship, but I have to step back and see what I need to change about me to get the best man for me.

  4. I think Sam is experiencing what we all experience when dating. Its some crazies out there!

    and y the crazies always have the best sex…lol

  5. She needs to move or something. Good grief! Funny thing is, I have had a similar thing happen to me. You really never know a person these days. People hide all kinds of secrets and scandals.

    How can a person not develop trust issues these days smh

    1. I was thinking that same thing SophieJo….she need to get her job to transfer her asap but not to another big city…..maybe like Missouri or somewhere down south or Boston……But if she starts attracting and dating white men her dating life may not be as interesting and she will have no good stories to tell Most and he won't have anymore Single Sam drama stories…..lol

  6. Poor Sam can’t even trust your local sexy butcher. Honestly this could have happened to anyone so Sam isn’t in the wrong. I will say she did see some red flags but I guess she figured everyone has trouble finding the right career so jumping from job to job in your early-mid 20’s is no biggie. IDK even when she took a step out the game she still came back and bumped into Mr. Wrong. I bet she wish he was a drug dealer now lol. When Sam does find the right one she’ll have some exciting stories to share.
    Mr. Spardley your writing is amazing. I don’t know too many men who can illustrate a woman’s feelings, thoughts and actions so clearly.

  7. First thing I'll say is she made absolutely the right decision to distance herself permenantly from the butcher. I have no problem with what she did.

    Now with that being said there are a couple things I got to say cry foul to me. First, her going through the man's drawers without permission. I know it was an innocent act and the intentions were good, but we know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, or so they say. It's her first time at his home and she shouldn't be going through the man's things, really.

    1. Second…how she just quickly assumed he was a drug dealer and made a snap judgment on him right then and there without giving him an opportunity to explain himself. She was really just going to not try to hear what he had to say about. Sorry, but that is sort of a pet peeve of mine when people judgment someone or something without even attempting to get any facts or information first. Like Covey says, seek to understand then to be understood. Sure it was sex money, but she didn't have to ignore him and play him to the left to finally find out the truth, smh. Dude built up all the equity walking with her and listening to her and dating her and going about things "the right way", and she felt he didnt even deserve the chance to explain himself?


      1. Anyway, like I said, with all the information finally present to her I believe she made the right choice. And that's all I have to say about that

      2. That rubbed me the wrong way, too. At least hear the man out! Most of the time, I truly believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. The fact that she found out what she did by going through his things, accidentally or not, I think she should have been more willing to let him explain. No one said she has to like his explanation, but at least let him get it out.
        My recent post Bad Luck Blues

        1. True but remember she's been through a lot these past few men. So I guess at the sight of trouble instead of giving the benefit of the doubt "like she did the sergeant" she just runs for the hills.

          The bad part in all of this is now she has to find a new grocery store to shop at.

      3. Oh yeah, I meant to address this. That was my one issue with her this time; she should have at least heard him out before making any rash decisions.

  8. On a lighter note, I'm curious how many commenters from a couple weeks ago that said they would have taken Lance up on his proposition and exchanged their sex for his $500 a week if they were Sam will look down upon the women that Derrick, the butcher, is helping out…selling their sex for money and down upon him for assisting them.


    1. Lol true but with Lance the money is all hers and she can stop sexing whenever wherever and not worry about starving or getting beat when she stops, Derrick keeps 80 percent of these h0ez money!!! From NYU to pimping on the internet.

      1. That's funny, don't remember reading anything specficially that said any of the women that the butcher was assisting was under age. Either way, no doesn't change anything. I'm sure there were plenty of women of age as well.

  9. I'm super hooked on this series. Most, you should turn this into a mini-series or Made-For-Tv special! Get WIM to do the voice overs, lol.

    Great story-telling, as usual. I really do feel for Sam and I've had enough of the "what is she doing to attract these guys" type of judgments. I can see her progress from episode 1 where she knew the Sergeant was living with baby moms and stayed anyway to now where she's trusting her instincts more and willing to walk away when its necessary. I predict Sam will take the boss up on his offer for coffee which could be trouble since we all know mixing business with pleasure is usually a recipe for disaster.

  10. Damn.

    And, damn good series!

    This was extreme, but the bottom line is that you meet people that seem nice & seem well put together but when you give things a little time to develop, you find out they are crazy, they lied /faked/fronted about who they are, or they left out an entire major part of who they are and what they about. This happening over and over can be kind of disheartening and make you stop wanting to give people a chance, but the good news is that people that do this, can only do this for so long. Hear what they saying while you getting to know them, but make your own observations…. cause when you take your time getting to know someone, it can save you some heartache.

    Thanks for sharing your stories!

  11. I am really loving this series. You should consider writing a book (if you haven't already). Your storytelling skills are great. I am an avid book reader and would surely buy your books! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading the next episode.
    My recent post MPAD – Delicious

  12. Wow. This series is well written anyway – but this latest post is the best yet. I didn't see this coming. I hope Sam catches a break soon!

  13. I wonder if Sam’s response would been different if dude would have explained that lifestyle was in the past and todays hes a different guy

    Women typically dig the recovered hustla guy

  14. Series has been great so far but this latest installment was outstanding. Like an eralier commenter stated, the way you tell the story, from her point of view, is awesome….like you “know” how we feel and can put it into words. AWESOME.

  15. Wow. I was not expecting that at all.
    Unfortunately in my teenage years I had a couple of run-ins with guys like Derrick – as recruiters, not potential dates.
    I was never that lost or in desperate need of help that I fell for it but It's really all very sick, especially since I've always looked very young for my age.
    The way you wrote out how he'd describe his work is perfect. They do make it seem like it's all completely normally.
    My recent post Artist Date: Lessons in Creating

  16. Wow. I was not expecting that at all.
    Unfortunately in my teenage years I had a couple of run-ins with guys like Derrick – as recruiters, not potential dates.
    I was never that lost or in desperate need of help that I fell for it but It's really all very sick, especially since I've always looked very young for my age.
    The way you wrote out how he'd describe his work is perfect. They do make it seem like it's all completely normally.
    My recent post Artist Date: Lessons in Creating

  17. Sam did the right thing. She was not blinded from "floating on the soberest high she’d ever experienced", because a good wall stretching can make some women rationalize staying, in the same ways dudes will stay with a crazy chick because the $ex was good.

    She is foul for going through the man's stuff though.

    1. I'm not sure I wrote this clear enough. I feel like I failed Sam in that regard. She wasn't like, going through his stuff, she was trying to surprise him with a little morning love. She was reaching into the drawer, where she thought she'd seen him go looking for the umbrellas. She just happened to go into the wrong drawer at first.

      1. No it's clearly written Most…but if you're hypersensitive to people rummaging through your personal belongings( like I very much am), it was easy to overlook! ha!

        1. All of it. She's a friend. Absolutely no reason to tell me lies. I've known these stories for years before we actually got around to sitting down and writing this…

  18. I am into this series as well. I agree that Sam is putting some weird vibes out into the Universe to draw all of these creepy ass dudes. But then again, call me a snot box but I never would have dated a butcher in the first place. I would have been like ewl…a BUTCHER? You slice meat and cheese all day, that's soo…not what I want to deal with, therefore, I never would have needed to find out he was a pimp, my first inclination would have been cute…but he's a butcher. Oh well, no happs.

      1. Let's not forget, she'd been going to the supermarket for months before she actually gave him her number. She actually had been seeing the butcher since before she met Steve.

        1. Why so judgmental? She dated the so called upstanding professionals and look where that got her (Police Officer, Restaurant owner, etc)…she went outside her comfort zone to give a (seemingly decent) guy a chance.

  19. This is good stuff sir! Clear and engaging without overwhelming the reader with what I call fluff details. Excellent job sir!

  20. Most, I wasn't ready, LOL! This is some AWESOME writing here. This Single Sam series is amazing!!! A book? A mini-series? This must get bigger.

    A pimp?! I don't even know what to say to this. I'm literally speechless. Does this stuff really happen in real life?! LOL…smh. I'm with Star, my life is pretty lame compared to this…but I ain't even complaining, lol. Oooh chile!!!!!

    1. I'm trying not to comment because I want the work to speak for itself, but yeah, my reaction when she told me this story in real life was… "they still make pimps?" Like, I can imagine if you been a pimp for like 30 years… like a career pimp like Don Magic Juan or Mr. WhiteFolks, but I didn't realize that they actually made new pimps. Like 80's baby pimps. Changed my worldview.

      But sexual trafficking is real. If prostitution is the world's oldest profession then pimping is the world's second oldest. As long as women are selling themselves to men, other men will take advantage of the inherent dangers of that sort of proposition.

      1. Yeah, all my pimp knowledge is from that old HBO joint, "Pimps Up, Hoes Down"…and they were all OGs, smh…lol.

        This blew my mind.

      2. Most why u wasting this good stuff here…..gon and write a book so you can get Paid! Cha Ching….lol
        Good story. Not much to say…..what can you say about someone's life and the decisions they make……at the end of the day that persons life will be what it is…..and everything it is is in God's hands.
        I pray that same gets what she needs to have peace of mind, body and spirit.

  21. This whole serious is entertaining, as well as engaging. I figure at some point things get better for her don’t they? The fact she didn’t make a choice based on the highest highs she felt was growth I assume.

  22. Well, then.

    Great writing, Most!!!! Seriously, great stuff!!!!!! I love ALL of this.

    From the first word of this series I was convinced that this was written from the perspective of a married mother of three, musing on the quote,
    "One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it NEVER worked out with anyone else"
    and reflecting on how that SOOO was her life. Now, I'm not sure. Because Imma tell you, there will NEVERRRRRRR be a printed word on the 'best chex I ever had", lol!! Nope, nope, nope. The best bedroom experience title will be given from me to the man who treats me the best outside of it, yessir! 🙂

  23. But seriously, I don't know how people can look at Sam & not think that something other than "her choices" are in play here. I mean, an officer, an entrepreneur, a friggin' BUTCHER…… aren't these supposed to be 'upstanding salt-of-the-earth" members of society? This just reinforces my beliefe that you have to be some kinda crazy to CHOOSE to live in NYC (carefully excluding myself, as I am a native NY'er and therefore it was not 'my choice', lol)….

    1. Amaris, I figured it out a long time ago… she's not trying to date the stereotypical or the "type" from her past. That's how this whole thing happens. Women get it in their mind that they're not going to date anybody like their ex, in fact, they're not going to date anybody from their "circle." And then they start meeting people anywhere.

      1. LOL. I can admit to this. I've already admitted here that I don't date Tauruses anymore. I'll also admit that I haven't dated a light-skinned man since early 2008…the ex-hub, lol…smh.

        1. lol I second this…no more light skinned men especially from DC.

          I mean where is she suppose to actually meet men. You can’t date but so many men in your circle, the club is a no no, happy hour maybe, clearly the grocery store is full of undercover pimps and drug dealers, the laundry mat is probably full with perverts sniffing ladies underwear..So where can Sam find a good man?

        2. "I've already admitted here that I don't date Tauruses anymore"

          SMH…I'm not a Taurus or what have you, but I can go on a rant about how EYE believe ppl put waaaaay too much stock into someone's zodiak sign, like that really makes a difference on how compatitable you are with that person. I'm gonna chill, though. lol.

        3. Thing is I don't put that much stock in it at all. HOWEVAAAAAAA…when you are 0 – 3…LOSING with Taurus men…I mean…what else could the problem be?!

          And y'all bet not say me, LOL…

          I heard that, LOL…

        4. That's like saying if I am 0-3 with women that are under 5'4" then obviously it's not working out because she's short, lol.

          So you happened to date 3 dudes whose birthdays were within 30 days of each other….so what? lol. What else could the problem be? A multitude of things, which more than likely are isolated events and unique to each relationship….but hey, from a psychological standpoint you're doing the right thing by avoiding those wack Taurus dudes, lol.

        5. Iono, Larry…

          I mean, what you're saying sounds good and all…but I don't wanna chance it, LOL. I can't keep doing the same thing expecting different results, now can I?? I gotta try other stuff…other birthday ranges, lol…that's all I'm saying, Larry!!!!

        6. u right Cyn….it's them damn Taurus men…not you..lol
          Although I've had good Taurus men…Im a Leo and thats supposed to be my compatible sign….who knows Cyn…maybe Taurus is not your compatible sign….find out who is and go wit that….lol

        7. I really don't get it…I believe it's more mental for these folks. They will rationalize everything as to why something is the way it is based on a zodiac sign, lol. Half the time when women ask my sign I give them the wrong one. And EVERY time they reply back, "I knew it! I was going to guess you were a (enter fake sign here)…I could tell because (enter random generalized charcacteristic that can describe anyone at some point of their life)." LOL. I just let them cook, though, smh.

        8. LMAO! Larry I'm soooo gonna start doing this from now on. I'm a Scorpio and I swear half the stuff people wanna tell me about myself (which is never remotely true) just because they're really into astrology, smh.

          And don't even get me started on how some peeps use their sign as an excuse for all types of slackness. Talmbout "I know I just cursed you out and shot your dog b/c you finished the Doritos but I really do love you…Its just that I'm a Gemini so I have these two personalities that affect me…." Get all the way out the paint with that mess!

        9. This is my thing: One can read a description of every Zodiac sign and find a few things in each description that they can more or less relate to in most cases. It's sort of like people who read palms. They'll lead you with a generalized question.

          i.e. "Hmm…reading your palm I have to ask you…you don't have any kids, do you?"

          If the person answers yes then you say, "That's what I thought…I could tell by this line on your palm…blah blah blah"

          If the person answers no then you say,"Yeah, that's what I figured, I could tell by this line on your pam…blah blah blah"

          Keep it simple and generalized and let the person convince themselves.

      2. Hmmm… I may have to mull this over. I haven't ruled out anything ever (well, I have figured out as a Leo, I may want to CAREFULLY examine each Scorpio I come across before proceeding), but I meet dudes everywhere, I just don't believe everyTHING I hear.
        I have a friend who hasn't had a date in two years ask me how I started dating guyS after only 5 months back 'on the market'…and I told her it's because evrywhere I go I view as a chance to meet someone new. I mean, I'm pretty decent at deciphering the crazy (knock on wood), but I will tell you, after being off the market for 8yrs & re-entering new for 2012, Sam is terrifying me, lol!!

  24. I ducking hate Single Sam, I hated her since the very first story. I can't read anymore of this cause it's pissing me off. Dang man, she just talking her head off, "oh he wants to listen to me, tee hee" and "I finally realized I was the only one talking" So sh*t sherlock, man, I met this Tennessee pimp one time when I was 17 and after 10 minutes realized he was spitting game. SMH, can't see a turn out happening from the jump, then you need to SIT YO *SS DOWN SOMEWHERE! Bout to give you that dope d1ck then have you turning tricks for less than Lester was talking about.

    Talking about he used to hustle here and there (w33d selling), was doing this and that (moved to c0ke), wanted a real job (needed a front to wash some of this money from pimping h0es), gotta read between the lines! You should've dipped when you heard any of that. Maybe I'm too street though…

    1. Idk……I agree with you to an extent. When I read that he "use to hustle here and there", "doing this and that", that gave me pause for concern. Add to the fact that he had his own apt. (no roommates? )in NY on a butchers salary.

  25. Wow, I'm seeing more and more why you urged Sam to tell her story, Mr. S. She is seriously living a dramatic life! LAWD. Excellent writing as usual, homie.

  26. " I met this Tennessee pimp one time when I was 17 and after 10 minutes realized he was spitting game"

    Was he from Memphis and his name Djay by any chance and also was an aspiring rapper?


    1. If I wasn't at work, I'd HOLLER AT THIS!

      LAUGHING AS HARD YET QUIETLY AS I CAN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Most, ask Sam if she switched Supermarkets after this, LOL! Like, how do you look dude in the eye across the counter after this???

    Nasty so and so…handling my meats and thangs…

    I'd have to change markets, lol…this is crazy.

  28. I feel like Sam is my homie, telling me all her crazy stories. I relate to her so well. And this amazing writing has everything playing out in my head as a movie. I'm there, I'm in the story – I feel like I'm a part of this.

    This series is soooooo good, y'all.
    My recent post Bad Luck Blues

  29. But why they run a background investigation before you can get a job, but these dudes can get inside Sam before she knows who they really are?

    1. Exactly Dr. J……….
      Sam needs to stop and/or if not stop seriously start using profylactics….I mean carry them with her like she's a human clinic before somebody gives her a "gift that keeps on giving."

      1. I'm sure she's using protection, but seriously… she rolling.

        She can't pick them. She thinks the nice guy is the bad guy and the bad guy is the nice guy. Regardless of what she thinks, she sleeps with them. Here's what's lacking in Sam, the ability to learn from her mistakes. She just simply doesn't do that. That's like Freakanomics 101: This girl doesn't learn from her mistakes. It's our job to score, her job to figure out why she keeps on losing.

        I bet you she ends up settling for a dude who she can predict won't hurt her. This is how the story always ends.

        1. "At that point in my life, 3 years removed from the sergeant, more than a year since Lance’s proposition, 10 months since Steve and I last saw each other, 6 months since I’d last had sex "

          How is she rolling? If it happened all within one year than yea but come on out of the 4 she slept with 3 of them. Steve actually was good just not that chemistry to keep it going and she got to know him very well. The Butcher she did spend time getting to know him, I mean who would have thought he was a pimp. It's not like he was a butcher with a gold tooth and a perm. Now the cop guy was all her fault. Now maybe she should slow down as far as sleeping with them until their in a committed relationship together.

        2. I hear this argument but you're going all the way Rush Limbaugh with "Regardless of what she thinks, she sleeps with them."

          Le't remember the time frame we're talking about here. This is the 4th person in like 3.5 years. And there are plenty of guys who she went on dates with, hung out with and DIDN'T sleep with over these 3.5 years. I just chose to write a bunch of stories about the ones she did sleep with.

        3. Oh ok…..U be leavin out impnt details Most…..thats not so bad then. Still the biggest flaws I see in Sam is her mentality and way of thinking. Sis gotta get her mind right and learn how to discern the bad from the good and be patient and give things a lot more time. Especially if she has a hard time figuring out who the right type of man is and doesn't have a good bs detector thats where you as her good male friend need to step in and help her out so her bs and lying detector is on point. I had my dad and grandfather and uncles to help me out with that type of stuff. They taught me the good, bad and ugly about men. So Most you need to help ya girl Sam out and take her under your wing and teach her. And if she still don't learn and know better after that then it's on her.
          Once you give her the knowledge then what she does with it is on her.

        4. I damn sure hope she is using protection like Every Single time with Every Single Dude. Std's are no joke.
          Dr. J I think it's more a thing of repeatedly doing the same thing (because it feels good and seems right) and expecting different results……which is foolishness at it's best.
          So Most is she gonna bang her boss she got a mini-crush on next??????? just curious…….

    2. I don't know…to be fair, according to the story, it appeared that they spent a lot of time together getting to know one another (or as much as they were willing to divulge) before they were intimate. I mean, honestly, how else would she have known about the whole "pimp" thing w/o stumbling upon the money? It didn't seem as if he was overly excited to pepper her with that minute detail, lol.

      1. Nope i'm being fair. They spent a lot of time together, but was it meaningful. Did she his friends? Did she meet his female friends? Listen to me, if you are sleeping with someone and you can't have a good honest idea of their whereabouts for a whole day, something's wrong. In the whole time that they hung out, he never bumped into anyone he knew? SUSPECT. Means he's trying to keep her out of his circuit. They probably have no mutual friends. When you don't have any mutual friends (aka references) on a person, you have to take a long time to commit with your body. What if he smashed and then left and she never knew his real name, a couple months later he posted a video of her on the Internet and was long gone. How would she find him? He was a butcher, could get work anywhere. I ain't asking her to be Sherlock, but i'm asking her to learn from her mistakes.

        1. Most of the questions you asked here we really don't know (he may have introduced her to people in his circle for all we know…but we don't). They walked and talked on Saturday afternoons and eventually went out on dinner dates and out for drinks throughout the week.

          Either way, it's a bit presumptious and a stretch, but I hear you, though. Go ahead and cook.

        2. " Listen to me, if you are sleeping with someone and you can't have a good honest idea of their whereabouts for a whole day, something's wrong."

          I can honestly say I have never agreed more with Jay than at this moment. That is some seriously real ish.

  30. The urge to shout out…


    …while I'm standing in the Deli line would be waaaaaay to strong, LOL…

  31. Great writing……….However, I don't think I can read these stories anymore. Sam is a woman with poor "sight", wit and discernment. It shows in her choice of men. No sympathy for the foolish. From police officer to BUTCHER?….From a police officer who specifically told her he was still living with his baby mother? Come the FCUK on! Good luck to her, she really needs it (Unless of course these are all past stories and she has finally settled with someone) She needs to work on herself first before she can have the good wits to know how to choose an ACTUALLY all round good guy. As of now, she's as good as a blind man. If I were her, the conclusion I would draw from all these mishaps so far is – find out more before falling into bed with them. If not her sexual statistics are going to be soaring by the time she finally settles (To be really honest, seems to me like Sam unknowingly wants fun/sex/casual dating more than a relationship). I'm curious to know what Sam looks like because I think it might be playing a big role in the guys that take interest in her. I can easily assume that she looks like a woman of low calibre. But I could be very wrong…..Anyway I'm done….Good luck girl! (P.S For those saying this is the typical that happens in dating, I beg to differ, IT IS NOT!)

    1. idk , yea she needs a little help in the picking department but other than that sometimes you just make a wrong pick. The sergeant was her fault because he told her what it was, she never slept with lance and left when she felt disrespected, Steve was a great pick on paper but they just didn’t have that chemistry to make a good thing last, and come on she had spoke to the butcher for months in the store. She figured she met him at work this is what he does. Now of course he had some red flags about his career and she mentioned commitment issues but lots of ppl in their 20's jump from job to job. And when she found out he was a pimp she shut it down. As far as sex goes hey we all get horny and let’s not act like everybody here has done a full from birth to now background check on someone their sleeping with.

  32. LMAO good stuff !! So whats next Sam? NYC firefigher/ model with underground werehouse meth lab behind bookshelf while "curiously" checking out his taste in reading when going to the bathroom? LOL i hope this dosen't become a spoiler. jk…

  33. Today has to be the day that Most stops BSing and protecting his friend. I know its ya homie, but let's be real. There's gotta be something about her that get's her in these type of situations and I think you're doing a disservice by not telling her that

    1. Everybody got different definitions of friends. In all honesty, Most is married. How close is he with this girl? I commend him on not breaking G-Code. He's maintaining a platonic relationship with a female. Nobody said it was his cousin or godsister.

    2. Next week I'm gonna drop two posts. One will be the final post of the series and the other will be me sharing my thoughts on who she was when I met her and who she is now. So yeah, I'ma let you all cook today and reserve my thoughts for then…

        1. WTF……Now that would be some real drama for our azzes Naija and I would personally try to help Most get a book deal and promote him like crazy fo sho! lol

  34. I find it interesting we are assuming there has to be something about this girl that gets her into these "situations" or what have.

    A little perspective here: So far all of these specifici situations happened over a 3 year time periord. I feel like people are making it seem like everything happened within a 3 week period, lol.

    I'm sure she had "normal" dealings (whatever that means) with the opposite sex, but not story material or interesting enough to share I'm guessing. Just like your Six O'Clock News: If it bleeds it leads. Controversy sells. No one wants to read about the dude she went on 4 dates with and then they just lost contact. We wanna read about a Butcher Pimp! lol.

    Great writing Most, keep 'em coming!

    1. Larry: "A little perspective here: So far all of these specifici situations happened over a 3 year time periord. I feel like people are making it seem like everything happened within a 3 week period, lol."

      This. For all the judgment thrown at Sam, if a poll was put up here asking how many female readers here slept with more than three guys in three years, I'm sure the majority would exceed Sam's body count. Probably not with butcher pimps (LOL), but then again, most people reading this didn't see that coming.

  35. Before y'all go too far. I want to say that I said, "rolling" not "roller." I don't want y'all to think that I think i'm going all Rush Limbaugh on this girl. I'm just trying to say, she's going through life and not really learning from her mistakes. It's like Jay said in 40 year old virgin, "she needs to try some wrong."

    As for the math of 4 people in 3.5 years… I'll leave that alone. I still only had sex with 5 people in my lifetime.

    1. I have to disagree with the "she's going through life and not really learning from her mistakes" bit.

      I think she is learning, although it may not be happening as swiftly as me or you would like, she is maturing. If she continued to behaved the way she did in previous stories, Sam would have stuck around for months maybe even years with the butch knowing that he wasn't going to change his lifestyle. For that, I have to say that she is at least wising up and learning to move away from questionable characters and not committing in relationships with them. Her biggest mistake in all of this was sleeping with him, in which considering how this story unfolded, she just has to charge it to the game.

      Nevertheless I agree with you on a lot of what you wrote in second part of this series. Especially this:

      "When I say, "how she carry herself" or "how she look" I don't mean she a hoe neither, just need that information. She may be aloof and naive, or having big city dreams. Just saying… something ain't adding up."

      I had the same thoughts when I read part 1 and 2 of this series. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but I would be lying if I said that this didn't creep in my mind while reading.

      1. I will say this in Sam's defense……there are many women just like her who make just as many mistakes and bad choices as she makes and much much worse.
        I've made some bad choices in men and I had a host of men including my dad growing up who taught me and guided me and I still made some mistakes. Because I had a strong male support and influence I don't think I made as many bad choices as some of my friends and damn sure didn't put up wit half the stuff they did for as long as they did….but I'm human like erebody else and made mistakes and chose dudes for the wrong reasons and did some stupid stuff.
        I think she just needs some good male friends around her to guide her and help her spot the wrong dudes and the bs and ask the right questions and tell her "no it's too soon for that" "take ya time" or whatever.
        I think with good male friends she will be fine.

  36. "He knew he was getting to me, slowly breaking down my defenses and scaling the walls I’d built these last few years, but I didn’t mind. At that point in my life, 3 years removed from the sergeant, more than a year since Lance’s proposition, 10 months since Steve and I last saw each other, 6 months since I’d last had sex and 5 weeks into my new job-I was clear on exactly what I wanted and more importantly, what I didn’t want."

    She held the butcher off for 10 months after Steve but got caught up because of her mini drought. I don't think she was really all that interested in butch seeing as she knew him for at least 2 years and nothing ever came of it prior or after meeting Steve. The Butcher just applied that VCU like full court press on her and she just turned over the goods after being worn down. This story in particular just seems like a case of wrong person, right time. Either way it seems like Sam just can't catch a break.

    Another thing I notice, it might just be me, but it seems like Sam's boss is trying to holla on the low.

  37. I am not going to jump to too much judgement as I am remembering these are past stories of her experiences and maturation in relationships. HOWEVER….to this point, good God damn, this woman's decision making when it came to men absolutely sucked. I can only hope that in her last installment a ray of light has finally found her. Because as it is now my money is on her dating a dude that turns out to be a bi-sexual stripper or she just goes straight lez.

  38. I love you!!!! Your writing is amazing!!! These stories Sam goes through, makes me look at my love life and laugh, life isn't as bad she will find someone!!!

  39. Man, Sam…still can't catch a break. She sho' did go through some rough times. And I'm pretty sure that if this guy hadn't been a pimp and she'd decided not to give him a chance prior to finding out, we would've heard about how women don't give nice butchers who are just out here trying to make sense of life a chance. They guy had been eyeing her for the longest time before asking for her number; they took things pretty slow, he's nice, smart, seems respectful, but….she should've known better. Something about him had to have screamed "PIMP!" I mean.. even people in relationships don't see each other every night, so it stands to reason that he would find some time here and there to handle business.

    I do try to look at things objectively, but I can't see too many red flags that she could have heeded in this instance. Sure, he had been unstable and hustling at some point, but he appeared to have made a conscious decision to grow up somewhat, and was sticking it out at the supermarket. She didn't know where he lived, but they were getting to know each other/grow comfortable outside of a danger zone. He appeared reserved about some things, but I can't count how many times I've heard guys talking about how they're a so-called onion with many layers and they need time to fully share themselves with anyone of interest. *shrugs* Ion't know, man.

  40. I would've asked dude straight up when he talked about what he did before becoming a butcher did he hustle? Maybe because I've dated a drug dealer in highschool and know them (male and female) I recognize the "hustle talk." I picked up on something and figured he was lying about not hustling cause he didn't want her to know. I figured if he really wasn't a hustler then he was probably a strip club owner or gambled or did some at the very least borderline illegal sh** that he didnt' want to tell her…cause no dude is gonna tell u about the wrong and illegal sh** they into unless ur they girl, or they want u to be their girl or their wife or they want u to be their wife…..they don't even tell they mama and fam about that stuff. But once a guy gets close to a woman and she's breakin him off if he doesn't wanna lose her and/or the punnani he will confess like a catholic in a confessional booth.

    1. And now that I reread some of the post I noticed one mistake Sam did make was doing more talking about herself and not allowing him to talk about himself and her listen.
      I ain't mad at her for that though because that was done out of her need to be listened to. She mentioned that he was the first dude in a minute who really listened to her and it sounded like that was just what she needed at that time.

  41. Hey somebody write a post about employers asking for passwords….unless thats already been done…if not…Dr. J whassup……?????

  42. Another AWESOME story in this mini-series about Sam! I can't wait for the next one. I have faith in Sam…she is going to get it right. The funny part about it is that instead of her continuously looking and eventually finding the guy she thinks she wants….Mr. Right is going to find her and take her for the ride of her life!

  43. If this is what I have to look forward to in New York, I'm not sure I want to go anymore. lol All the stories I've read of people who have relocated to NY have been similar to this. The dating stories are hilariouisly unbelievable. Like something straight out of a movie or book.

    I agree with a few commenters above me that the writing of this series is amazing. I have to force myself not to skip and read ahead in anticipation.

    Can't wait for the next installment!

  44. Everyone has had SOME sort of crazy dating story(ies). . . . No one's dating life is perfect. . . Thats why they are all experiences. . . . .Its just that these stories from a single woman are being written out loud for everyone to read. . . . But EVERYONE has had some sort of story/experience. . .

  45. Sam is me. I can def relate to some of her dating horrids. This series is amazingly written! I need a novel or two from you sir! THANK YOU! So excited about the 5th installment!!!

  46. This is soooo goood. I'm in law school bored as hell in class, so I decide to catch up on my favorite blog & the fourth story might be my favorite. I was really thinking Sam might find someone special this time, who cares if he is a butcher. But he aint worth shit either. I am new to NY just here for law school & I pray this is just her luck & not mine. I sent the link to all my girls because I feel I need to discuss Sam's life with my girls….OMG

  47. Call me crazy but there are some women that choose to sell their body for sex as a manner of living. No shame in it and they get to pick and choose their clientele. They need someone to watch their back and security is expensive. Believe it or not there are good men out there willing to be a bodyguard in exchange for payment so does this make him a bad guy? Are you saying that all prostitutes are the poor victims of bad circumstances? Please…they come in all sizes shapes and colors …those that are better at it outside and presentation charge a higher price and are better at conceiling their title. Abother example the movie death and loathing in las vegas (title is something like that) well a woman gets gang banged because she made a bad judgement call and ended up in a room with no way out. If she had Derick those boys would have never thought twice to do what they did to that poor woman whom was only making a living. Again call me crazy but it seems to me Derrick has been a great friend, a gentleman, got to know her has been honest treats he well and although he needs to hang out with people whom have a better vocubulary he sounds a fine guy to me AND hes good looking and great in bed. Wow sam and everyone else need to open their eyes and define a good man.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This