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Three Humorous Thoughts About Threesomes

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For many of us (men), a threesome is a dream we’d like to turn into reality. We go through life thinking about the juggling of the skins and what it would be like to slang thang to two (beautiful) women during the same session. We see it as the trophy that’ll define our legacy for generations to come…even though we probably won’t tell our kids about it. But our friends will know. They.Will.Know. Because as much as we say we don’t kiss and tell, ain’t no way we keeping that sh*t to ourselves. It’s just too magical!

But for as much as I’ve thought about it over the years, I’ve had my fair share of reservations. And today, I want to share my three on threesomes.



Crickets

Sometimes accidents happen. You get in the mix, Lord Pumpington doesn’t cooperate, and you’ve got a serious case of the noodles. Or even worse, you get to going and before you’re 20 meters down the track, splat. Now you’re clutching your hamstring, asking for a moment alone, chugging gatorade, and telling the official to restart the race. When it’s one-on-one, that’s okay…unless it’s the first encounter and you talked a good game building up to it. Besides, good things come to those who wait a few minutes. But when your reproductive system has a bottleneck and you’ve got two customers waiting for production, it starts to feel more like the DMV. Ain’t nobody happy there. Nobody.

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Not Having a Purpose in Life

With this being a dream so many men chase, what if I make the magic happen and then life feels complete? Will my motivation to accomplish all other things wane? Will I immediately return to the earth from which I came? Will bedroom burpees (see vid below) never be the same? Every dream has a price.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_Dq_NCzj8M

Getting Left Out 

This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but what if the two women cut me out of the deal and I’m just standing there chewing bubblegum? What if one of the women is the significant other and she realizes a new found love for pie? Where does that leave me other than in the corner of the room scratching my chest? Not very likely, but worth a thought. One of my ex’s is a lesbian today. Wasn’t my fault though. There were two boyfriends after me.

I know there’s an art to this. Maybe even a science. One that I’ve had no chance to master and probably never will. So in the mean time, I’ll keep dreaming and wondering. And if I ever get my special day, I’ll go forth and connect three. Or maybe I won’t. But sh*t, then again maybe I will. But only for the legacy.

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YOLO,

Comment(30)

      1. I heard there's an underground movement of women folk who are increasingly interested in the whole london bridge thing. I am not one for engaging in awkward opportunities for haphazard sword crossing, because then everybody got to die. You aint hear that from me tho.

        Real Men Don't Gossip, bro.
        My recent post Google wants to sit on your face

        1. "I heard there's an underground movement of women folk who are increasingly interested in the whole london bridge thing"

          Yup and MEN are participating ….

      2. congrats on your engagement Slim…when is the wedding? Will pics be posted on the site?? lol
        I may have forgot to put this on the survey but yall need to have more events in the DMV..

  1. In my experience as a new blogger, I have found that people tend to steer away from the unknown, knowing that they wish they did know…. The post was interesting, but not as interesting as the comments and feedback that I was looking for.

    Coming from a female's point of view on the whole threesome ordeal, I was only worried about the awkwardness and fearing that pondering thought, "well what do we do next?" LOL!!! Needless to say, sometimes we worry ourselves too much, about nothing.

    My advice would be to purchase the bundle pack of Magnums and a case of redbull. You should do just fine 😉
    My recent post Are You Cheating On Me?….. With Who?…. Yourself?

  2. I have been the other girl in a male/female/female threesome. It was a pretty good experience and here’s why;

    1. Everyone involved was very secure. The other people were a couple that I had known for awhile and they did not feel threatened by my presence in the bedroom. I was not intimidated either. There was a sense of “teamwork” so to speak.

    2. As a result of the security, when my male friend got tired or needed to take a break, us girls would continue on. He was happy that when he wasn’t involved he still got a good show.

    3. My female friend took the lead and was VERY involved. She was the one who initiated the whole thing and the guy involved took cues from us. She was the leader and the rest of us followed suit leaving everybody happy and satisfied.

    I think it was a good time overall and if you want something different its a nice thing to try. I would definitely do it again and I think as long as everybody works together it should be fine. 🙂

      1. Thanks. I also wanted to add that A LOT of people do this, and maybe it shouldn't be a big as a taboo as it is. You would be surprise at the kind of "normal everyday people" who are sooo into it.

        Sidenote* I really enjoy this blog and your articles are always interesting to read!

        1. Good comments. and I agree and don't get this either: "…A LOT of people do this, and maybe it shouldn't be a big as a taboo as it is…"

          In my opinion, pass the age of 21 sex shouldn't be taboo period. (Maybe 21 is too young, you're still learning) But certainly pass 30 sex and taboo shouldn't even be in the same sentence.

  3. Re: Crickets – If your best friend ain't a clutch performer, it doesn't matter if it's one person there or ten. That's a personal problem.

    Re: Purpose in life – Threesomes are like a million dollars. Once you make one, you start thinking about how to make another.

    Re: Getting Left Out – Threesomes are like jobs. You have to be proactive without ruining the environment for your team members. There's always some work that you could be doing.

    Funny story: typing…

  4. This is one of those things I will leave to my imagination. I have heard way too many, "Well, it sounded like a good idea at the but then…" stories about threesomes. Coming to think about it, I think it's the fear of being "left out" that will stop me.

  5. "One of my ex’s is a lesbian today. Wasn’t my fault though. There were two boyfriends after me."

    Sounds like a good topic to expound on. How does that make you feel? I have a puppy ex that I believe is at least bi now…and its still a bit weird to me. Like…were you always lookin at me…and the fellas?! lol

  6. Fantasies are worth trying in reality, IMHO. It is annoying, however, that men who are willing to do all sorts of nonsense to get a threesome with two women are so damn leery at the idea of a male/female/male matchup. As WIM alluded to earlier, men are SCARED. They can't deal with the idea of crossing swords. Makes trying to get my rhenewal sandwich situation started very difficult.

    1. rhenewal if your in the right city/state there are plenty of men who will make your fantasies come true.
      If all else fails just go to the male strip club. Surefire way of meeting men who are willing to share a bed with another man and woman.

    2. "As WIM alluded to earlier, men are SCARED. They can't deal with the idea of crossing swords.

      Bull Snickers, they are LYING!!!

      Yeah men may refuse to talk about it or even go as far to deny it but trust me they are doing it. Don't believe the Hype.

  7. I will never understand the "taboo" with talking about sex, or the whole "I only reserve certain sex acts for women I don't respect" thing. Listen, you want eight women? Let's discuss (I never said I'll approve all ideas, just that I won't judge you for them). You feel like calling me everything but my god-given name whilst strangling me with your tie? We just need a safe word. Isn't that the point, the whole reason why you're in a relationship-so you can do stuff you will NEVER talk about again and it's OK because that person knows you better than anybody? If you can fart in front of your woman, why can't she don latex in front of you?
    I'm not saying anything, really. Just musing.

      1. I think I'm backwards. I am incapable of casual relations. I do not have the time nor the energy to navigate the "well this is what I do for a s/o vs what I do strictly for a jumpoff" mess. To fellate or not fellate? Wait, I'll fellate but I don't SHOWER with j/o, that's too intimate. Wait, I'll screw, but doggy is just for j/o, I respect my real woman too mutch. Wait, doggy is for my s/o, but role-play is for j/o only.
        I can't! I can't!
        I need to be comfortable, and I cannot be comfortable unless I know you will respect me in the morning after I was upsde down all last night. I can only do that with a person I am in a semblance of a relationship with (I say semblance b/c I actually do believe in fwb, but that's another thread entirely. FWB only works if you guys are SUCH good friends that you are too comfortable with the person to be in a relationship w' them-ie the dude you would hang out with all day in your scarf. You need some mystery to maintain a relationship IMO).

    1. I agree Amaris…..I can't for the life of me understand why married folks "claim" to not have sex much and don't do more freaky deaky stuff than what they say they do.
      I do completely understand the time constraints with life responsibilities and kids, however when u got the time wth are you doing with it??????????? (besides catching up on sleep).

  8. My experience is 3somes are far better in your fantasy then they are in reality. I put them in a box with 69 and a few other things. Its cool to say you did it…and it was nice the few times I did….but you really aren't missing much. The best 3some a man can have is one where the two females focus is only him but of course that is a rarity. One on One is far better because there is more focus in the pleasure you are recieving. But this is just my opinion

  9. The hardest part (for a dude) is to getting two women comfortable enough to actually entertain the idea.

    It takes noticing a lot of subtle clues from females with that bi-curious wink (or flat-out denying they had a girl-girl experience) and selling the idea separately and bringing the two together. You really got to WORK to calm any insecurities. A delicate dance to say the least.

    Or just use alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol.

    1. DeKeLa the key is get a woman who u know for a fact is bi or bi-curious at the least. If she refuses (like I would) that means she is totally not into women and not the least bit gay or bi-curious or anything else and it's a lost cause so give it up, or find some bi women. Just ask and they'll tell you.
      Why is asking straight up questions of people so taboo nowadays….?? Folks act like they scared to just ask people what they wanna know.

      1. Bree, only cuz my experience has taught me never to trust what people (women) say right upfront. In my situation, the two girls swore up and down in public that they wasn't interested. When I got them alone and learn more of their stories… well let's just say cocktails and story sharing reveals alot.

  10. My first and only attempt at a threesome ended in failure. It was a Female/Male/Female situation with two girls I knew. I won't go into details, but just know that the next time I'm going to get better bread for my sandwich. Also for all those who haven't tried it yet: the pr0ns make it look much better than reality. Get two bi-sexual or confused chicks and have at it, but don't expect the scenes to flow like a WCP video.

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