Home Featured You’ve Got Some Splainin’ to Do: How Social Media Complicates Relationships

You’ve Got Some Splainin’ to Do: How Social Media Complicates Relationships

Do you remember this ish?

I was going through tweets and noticed someone had sent me one of those “showing love” graphics like people used to send during the bubonic myspace era. Didn’t even know that was possible on Twitter. But yep, it is. So I typed “just got the pic you sent me. thanks.” And it was then that I had a moment of clarity and deleted the message.

Why? Because the tweets have eyes. And eyes are connected to a head, that’s connected to a body, that’s connected to arms, that are connected to hands, that are connected to gchat and smart phones. Had I replied to that message publicly, I would’ve had a blinking box and some splainin’ to do. No man — whether innocent or guilty — wants that. It’s wack sauce. Crap buckets. Abominable escargot. Hurricane Lame.

Lucy, you've got some splaining to do!

You may be wondering “What’s the big deal?” My answer: If you dabble in the internets, you’ve probably been there. You do something innocuous and next thing you know you’ve caught a case of the Splain Flu. Or worse, you incur someone’s wrath without a genuine clue as to what you’ve done wrong (Typical response: Men always know when they’re doing something wrong).  Even if you can splain it, you don’t wanna have to splain it simply because someone is telling you to. But wait, there’s more.

With everybody living such public lives during the era of hypersensitivity, it doesn’t take much to raise someone’s eyebrow and end up being the recipient of a “So who’s the broad on instagram?” or a “Why you sending cats smiley faces?” text. Basically, “you’ve got some splainin’ to do!”

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Think about it though.

How often do you read or hear about a relationship ending behind some foolery that went down on or indirectly involved social media? 

Enough to blur the lines between objectivity, insecurity, and stupidity. Nobody wants to be insecure. But if they look at things objectively, they may see that there’s nothing there. But if they don’t see anything there then find out there was, they risk looking stupid. Nobody wants to look stupid with everybody watching. But wait, there’s still more.

As we’ve all become more public, we’ve become more coded — for our own good and that of the special people in our lives. Well, some of us at least. I can’t speak for Booty Shot Betty and her army of subpar minions — pursin’ their lips and gyrating their pixels.

Not too long ago, there weren’t all these online rules that you had to consider if you were involved with someone. It wasn’t even a conversation people had to have. There was no such thing as a Facebook update costing you a date or rousing the insecurities of your lover. But now, whether you’re involved or not, you have to pay attention to everything you “say” and do because the road to hell is paved with tweets (or your service of choice) and nosiness.

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Granted, if you’ve created an alter ego to allow you to express your most electronic desires, this may not be an issue for you. Life is gravy. Things are good. You’re winning where it counts. I’m not judging you. **Side-eye wanders left**

The easy answers for avoiding these unnecessary quagmires? For some, it’s heading to direct/private messages since nobody can say anything about what they can’t see. Deceptive it may be, but silly fight it may preclude. Doesn’t even mean it was a sketchy chat. Could just be an easily misinterpreted public chat.

For others, it’s dropping off the online map completely so they can focus on building something special with the one their (aspiring to be) with.

**Looks at everybody that’s ever gotten in a relationship then dropped off social media and blogs to indulge in their real life real time bliss.**

For those of us that have learned through trial and error, it’s about trust and communication. That’s at the basis of everything. But when you’re continuously navigating an ever-changing landscape, you sometimes end up back at square one relearning the rules.

Whatever the case, I miss not having to worry about how a simple “public” exchange might lead to splainin’. I miss not having to talk about avatars and where people might really wanna put their likes. I miss the simplicity of not having to think delete. But it’s part of the life I live. So I’ll keep on learning, reflecting, and telling yall about it.

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By the way, f**k you Zuckerberg. You and your blue bird friend too! You’ve made the world smaller and created headaches that never used to exist. I’d wave my fist at you some more, but I can’t. You know why? Because I’ve got some splainin’ to do!

SBM Fam, do you think social media has had an impact on the way you date or interact within your relationships? Has it led to more questions? More insecurity? More arguments? If you don’t think anything has changed for you, why do you think you’ve been able to avoid the extra discussions (splainin’)? Is one sex more responsible for the online skepticism than the other? All other thoughts are welcome! 

The world is your keypad,

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  1. Social media is too public a place for relationships, it opens your relationship up for everyone to see. So what has worked for me so far is to not put my relationship status anywhere, which means that only the people close to me know whether or not I'm dating and also I'm not fb friends with my boo piece and I don't follow him on twitter, it has eliminated the need to explain anything because nothing shows up on their feed or on their home page and vice versa. I guess it might seem like I'm trying to hide something but I'm not and since fb and twitter e.t.c are all public, its there if you want to see what I've been up to. I feel like I have to do that because as a semi decent looking female, sometimes folks compliment me and it might be real innocent but look suspicious and that causes unnecessary complications. But social media has made it a lot easier for folks to spy, check, and stock whoever they want when they want and that

    1. Boom!

      We practice the same ideology.

      I don't request social media friendship for the men I date and I decline when they make the request. It's certainly not about hiding, its about being a realist. And in general most people very easily misinterpret or read too much into on-line comments.

  2. Is it really the fault of social media, though?

    My thoughts are that people are always looking for something to talk/argue about. We crave a certain level of drama/intrigue and are therefore willing to read into things that otherwise wouldn't merit a second look. Back in the pre-social-media days, it was limited to "Did you just look at her?" or "Why'd you say his name like that?" Now, we simply get a little bit more variety to the trivial signs we can point, poke and prod (II).

    1. I appreciate the use of the ll.lol. And I can agree with that. I was trying to think about the questions I used to get versus the ones that come up today. I think before the issues that came up were between the two people and nobody else saw what was going on. But now, with everybody being so interconnected, your reputation can be their reputation, so now things get magnified.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

  3. I think Social Media has led to too many problems that should not be problems. I dont advocate dropping off the social media landscape because you are dating someone. I feel like that would lead to some resentment later on. I find the best approach is to be as open as possible. Reduce the innuendos. Personally, I think it is best to not check for people on social media, if you have a girlfirend resist the urge to be checking her tweets and facebook updates on the regular, you might give yourself hypertension.
    My recent post A Kobo worth of thoughts on Alcohol and Christianity

      1. You know I got no idea myself. When it comes to facebook I find that easier to do. I simply dont go to a person's page unless they pop up on my newsfeed or write on my timeline. I do my checking up mostly via IM or texting or the old fashioned way, I give them a call. Twitter on the other hand is no respecter of privacy, if you dont want to be stressed out (if you are that type of person), dont follow your gf on twitter, dont do it bro.
        My recent post A Kobo worth of thoughts on Alcohol and Christianity

  4. I have a policy that anything relating to social media can't be used against me in a relationship. Unless you have a witness. Cause yes I take pictures with females that aren't my partner but I also take the train with other females if you don't complain about the one. You can't complain about the other.

    1. Uh, taking the train with a female stranger and taking a picture with a female friend are NOT the same. Though I don't spend time checking my boo's profile (We're FB friends, but not linked by relationship status and I have his thread muted, only checking it on occasion, maybe once every two weeks or something), I'll be danged if he did something downright problematic online and tries to tell me that because it's online, I can't be upset. Nope. Sorry.

  5. Some People use social networks as a way to validate they’re relationship. Too many people put all of their relationship woes on twitter/facebook and it can put unnecessary strain on a budding relationship. I wouldn’t suggest you give up social media to date someone. My policy is if I can’t follow you on twitter or fb without feeling some type of way all the time then we don’t need to be together. The things you tweet and the way you act on social networks are a part of who you are regardless of people saying “it’s just twitter/facebook”.

  6. My view may be bias because I'm in IT but I've had this convo many times when people exclaim,

    "Facebook/Twitter is the DEVIL!" and my response: No! FB and Twitter are not the devil, the people on FB and Twitter are the "devil"!! lol

    It's easy to blame social media for irresponsible relationship or rachet behavior as folks thumb-thug their way through a status to cuss their significant other out. But people should learn to be accept full accountable for their actions regardless of the forum. Social media is just the vehicle, the user's are the drivers. Do you blame the car when a mofo hits someone? So to me its the same theory.

    Observe any day on a social media site and you will notice how brave people get. It provides a false sense of confidence for people to act out or say whatever they've always wanted to say; subconsciously or not. It also unveils whatever insecurities you had about your relationship.

    If your relationship had underlining issues prior to social media, they should be addressed. Preferably NOT in a status, page, or tweet. LOL

    1. This. Although there are real dilemmas like the one that Slim presented, in which a very innocuous message could cause one's eyebrow to raise. However, being that I would never thank someone publicly for any type of suspicious picture sharing, I would expect that no one I'm with would do so either. Besides, you could always ask "what picture did she send" without having made up your mind to accuse him/her of things he/she may not be involved in.

  7. This post moved me to make my first comment here. I dated someone who didn’t have any social media and it’s honestly the easiest relationship experience I’ve had. It also helps b/c even though we/he decided to just be friends there’s none of that social media stalking problem. If I want to talk to him I have to pick up my smartphone. If I want to know what he’s been up to, I have to ask. It lets me know where I stand by how openly he answers my questions and the comments he makes during our conversations. While we were together, I didn’t delete my social media accounts but I did spend less time on them (& stopped uploading as many photos) b/c I was busy spending time with him. Nothing is worse than chilling & watching a movie when someone’s phone beeps and it’s all “Pause the movie! I need to check my [social media website].” I get irked enough when people check email. Regardless, I think the only reason this friendship is drama free is because there is no social media component so no urges to be all up in his business without him knowing.

    1. "drama free is because there is no social media component so no urges to be all up in his business without him knowing"

      Question: this person puts their business on a social network for complete strangers to see. Why is it a problem for somone who they personally deal with to view and comment on that same information? If you dont want people in your buisness you dont have to put it on the web?

      But I do agree with your others points about how openly he/she answers a questionw ith out you having to pul the info out of them because of what you saw on twitter/fb.

      1. "If you dont want people in your buisness you dont have to put it on the web…"

        CORRECT! BUT! If you're in a relationship, but you feel SAYING that you're in a relationship online puts too many people "up in your business", I have concerns.

        1. For me…cause I'm an advocate for "BFs get no shine on my page"…its the fact boyfriend/girlfriend is the "working things out" stage. We're determining how deep we can get and how far we can go. We're figuring things out…getting further acquainted, etc. Once we've figured out we're gonna make a go of a life together permanently, THEN I will link to you on FB. Other than that, I'm only linked to my relatives…the people that blood won't let me get rid of, lol. And, if we determine that we shouldn't be together, I don't have to worry about the 480+ people who are my FB friends…but not my inner circle…knowing some very personal and painful information about my life…or the number of boyfriends I had prior to marriage.

        2. I'm not into LINKING, but if you're in a relationship, but it still says you're SINGLE, I have problems. I'd prefer it say you're in a relationship, with no link, or not having your relationship status listed at all, which is what I do. No linking, no single vs. not. Just completely not listed. Nothing to argue about then, and that's REALLY not having people in your business. Saying you're single when you're not is just lying, and causing relationship problems for people like me who wonder "what's the deal?"

        3. I can understand how the "single" status can create an issue if you're actually in a relationship. Its not an issue for me…for no other reason other than its not, lol. The only reason I removed "single" from my status (which currently offers no rela info) is because my ex-bf had an issue. FB statuses/links don't make my relationship any more official than what it is. The folks that need to know, know. Other than that, I'm unmarried…which is technically single. I'm sure this isn't popular opinion…but hey. Its just not something I trip over. "In a relationship" is prob more magnetic than "single" anyway. Bammas want wanted people, lol. It'd only become an issue for me if I asked my bf to remove it and he refused.

  8. "By the way, f**k you Zuckerberg. You and your blue bird friend too! You’ve made the world smaller and created headaches that never used to exist."

    My sentiments exactly…I don't like FB, twitter or any of them. When I found myself reading and thinking " What the hell?" and being on the receiving end of those actual words…is when I said no mas. And truth be told SBM readers…y'all know full well that some people are just sh*t starters and intentionally say things that can be misconstrued all for the sake of messin' with people.

  9. social media only got me in trouble one time. quick story.

    my ex was friends with one of my best friends exes. we were all gonna go to some cabins for the weekend. nice little fun, intimate weekend. so my best friend was kinda talking to this chick on the side and he doesn't want to tell her that she was going out of town for the weekend with his girl so he tells her that him and i are going to atlanta for the weekend. so the side chick tells her best friend that i'm cool with about our supposed plans. her friend writes on my myspace wall: "hey i hope you and ______ have fun in atlanta this weekend."

    what i didn't know was that my ex was stalking my myspace page. she didn't have an account but she used another person's log in to see my page. anyway she thought i was talking to the girl who wrote on my wall. a real big mess because i didn't tell her i was going to atlanta and at the same time i didn't want to rat my friend out.
    My recent post The Greatest Sham Ever Conceived…

    1. *throws some change in the collection plate*

      As an aside, a person that will stalk your social media page through someone else's page b/c they don't have one appears to insinuate an idea of insecurity. Oh well…we were all young once, lol.

    2. Those be the worst. The times you aint even doing nothing you just log on and someone put you on blast. That reminds me of a story…

      So on facebook i was tagged in a picture with this one girl, and my ex commented something fly like "take the picture down she not even cute". So months later i go on facebook got 35 notifications i go and the girl in the picture (i was currently seeing exclusively at this point) and my ex were going back and forth arguing. I didnt want that out there so i deleted the picture. So then my girl at the time felt some type of way like i took it down cuz ol girl said something and it was drama ever after.
      My recent post ItzTrizz617: The Saints wont move past this quicker picker upper #scandal until they flat out fire Sean Payton

      1. "So months later i go on facebook got 35 notifications i go and the girl in the picture (i was currently seeing exclusively at this point) and my ex were going back and forth arguing. I didnt want that out there so i deleted the picture."

        Tristan laid that e-pimp hand down. *bows head and slowly raises fist*

  10. do you think social media has had an impact on the way you date or interact within your relationships?
    My boopiece is on my twitter/facebook…i would block her but that would be another issue within itself. It has caused some friction, with 2000+ followers she act like i got a bunch of twitter groupies. Sometimes she'll feel some type of way when i say certain things (although i never throw her under the bus, i try to generalize our situation as much as possible) because in her mind chicks are just twatching waiting to catch her slipping. I wouldn't call em arguments because i pretty much laugh it off especially when she says "go tell your twitter heauxs i pissed you off"(i always find it humorous thats the first thing that pops in her head).

    Whats funny is personally i would think i would be the one to worry. #TheThirst is stronger on the man's side, its usually dudes who be tryna mack online, while girls might flirt but aint worried bout no one but @TreySongz.

  11. It's like there is no privacy these days because of social media….but I also feel like if I'm not doing anything wrong and if my guy and I are confident in the relationship…………….. and something comes up I or he should be fine with whatever 'splainin' is given—until there is evidence that he is not being truthful.

    Great post.

  12. Social media doesn't ruin relationships, stupid people that run their mouths and put their business out there ruin relationships.

  13. Boundaries. Its all about boundaries.

    B1. Never post rela drama to your status.
    B2. Never "check-in" anywhere and tag who you're with.
    B3. Don't take or post scandalous pics.
    B4. Don't post your relationship status.
    B5. Don't post boo pics.
    B6. Don't go pissing all over your BF/GFs page…with hearts and crap, lol
    B7. Don't analyze your BF/GFs page.

    Basically, keep your personal life personal.

    1. I generally disagree with B4 & B5. It works well for some people, but I've also seen a good number of others who were able to be grown about their business without putting such restrictions on themselves. People have this notion that posting a picture and relationship status is inviting others into your personal life. In a very limited sense, yes. However, unless additional (and dramatic) details are being presented, there's little people can do to poke holes into your relationship through those things alone.

      1. Yeah…and then you break-up, take down the pics, that status change is posted to your wall and the news feed…then you get the "aww, what happened? are you ok?" comments. I've seen it. It's not pretty.

        B4 & B5 fix ^^^ problem…cause thats a problem. Thats invasive…to me. The only status I'll post is engaged/married…and I'll post the engagement pics. Other than that, can't do it…won't do it. Sorry. LOL.

        When my ex and I broke up a few years ago, you know how much FB clean-up I had to do? NONE! #winning 🙂

        1. I learned from my last go around that I'll keep all the pics and stuff off until I've taken a knee. It's kinda like business in a way. People don't need to know anything until it's signed, sealed, and ready to be delivered.
          My recent post Free Write Friday

        2. All I have to say about this, is that it's a shame to worry about how it's going to end from the very beginning. Because I've made a conscious decision NOT to do that, I have no problem with pics, relationship statuses, whatever. If it ends, it ends. And I won't take down the pics, either. It happened. It's in the past. Change the profile pic if you must, but no need to ERASE the person. Maybe untag them or something. I dunno. That aspect just didn't seem crucial.

        3. To each, his own, lol. I'm def an "erase people" type of female…so its best that I leave it all off, LOL. And I certainly wouldn't wanna be clicking thru my man's page and see an ex. I'm cool…but I ain't that cool.

          For me, it all kinda boils down to keeping my private life private. To me, there are no worries if nothings there. I won't be ready to share beyond my circle of trust until I'm engaged/married.

        4. Cyn would u have a problem seein an ex on ur man's page if they had kids together and she was in family pics with the kids???? just curious. Or if she was an ex and in family pics in general???

        5. *snickers*

          I took all old family pictures…My kids + their Dad + Me…and put them in a box in my children's room for them to enjoy/view/have. I have pictures of me & my kids on my fb page and around my home.

          Does that answer your question? LOL…

        6. I personally don't have any relationship status indication online. However, I do know that these things can be handled discreetly. You can change it, and delete the update as well as shared pictures without giving people the opportunity to process it right away. I'm not advocating for you to make any changes to what works for you, but instead saying that it's not a rule that everyone needs to follow. I haven't been one to yearn for public disclosure of my status in years.

  14. Social media has had no real impact on my dating life. This is partly because I've dated private men who don't engage in flirtatious behaviour with people in the public eye (with one GROSS exception. In the sense that he was private, but a flirtatious bastid…not gross as in yucky), nor do they encourage it from others. For my part, I'm not particularly flirtatious either. I'll say that someone looks nice if I think so, but won't traditionally be throwing out "you look yummy/sexy/edible" comments out there. I play off certain comments by teasing or simply laughing when others throw them my way. Anyone dating me would already know that it's not easy for me to be interested in more than one person at a time, and that there's little to no cause for concern if all is well between us.

    Even though women may appear to be more prone to jealous fits, they're simply more vocal across more channels about it. A lot of men stew about these things as well, but they don't necessarily make a big deal about it everywhere or bring it up at every available opportunity. There are others, though, who could make one cringe with embarrassment. Just recently, I told a guy that there are certain behaviours that are very unbecoming of men. To me, constantly nagging about your woman's interactions with the opposite sex is one of them. If I find my man's interactions with the opposite sex to be worrisome, I will let him know as much. If no adjustments are made, I will reevaluate our relationship and take appropriate steps. My peace of mind above all else. That said, I'd like to think of myself as reasonable when determining what constitutes behaviour worthy of concern.

    1. Depending how far along things are, men just bounce when they start noticing stuff like that. Can't tell you how many times I've heard a dude say "yeah, she been tripping with the online stuff, so I'm bout to throw in the towel" yet they haven't said a word to her about it. I'm guessing women probably do that too, but they're more likely to say something before it gets to the critical point.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

  15. I'm not leary of anything I put online, because I don't PUT anything that can be misinterpreted online and in the public. My online persona is just that: a PERSONA. It's not REALLY ME. It's like PART of me, the part I feel comfortable putting in public.

    How silly is it to say how much you appreciate the scantily-clad body of someone of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship and your significant other can see your posts? And what about your aunts and uncles that are Facebook friends? Or current/potential employers that are snooping on your Twitter profile and wondering why you talk so incessantly about sex, cannibus, and illegal arms dealing?

    Why can't you just see a hot girl/guy, think they're attractive, and that's it? Why do you need to publicly flirt with your exes or ex FBs? Why do you need to secretly text people in ways that force you to put a password on your phone or take it with you into the bathroom. Why are you so friggin' WORRIED about people knowing your relationship status and "being all up in your business"? If you're in a relationship, I'm confused about what would compel you to do ANY of these things.

    Call me "Old Faithful", 'cause I don't stay friends with exes or FB's, I don't troll the internet for sexy pics to comment on, I don't talk about my any illegal activity I MAY possibly take part in online, and I don't try to "be friends" with lots of attractive people, hanging out with them but "not doing anything" one-on-one, or texting them/talking on the phone with them in the relationship/booty call hours. But hey, that's just me.

  16. I can't get over the gigglefit that the "just showin some luv" sparkly myspace gubment arse gif just brought my life.

    Anyhow, yeah social media/networking does bring a WHOLE nother level of "boo thang struggles." I mean, Twitter alone is the internets version of the real life, "Um, did you just gawk at that chick in my presence, ninja?!!"

  17. That's why I didn't update my relationship status until I got engaged and later married. And folks who try to to talk reckless on my page, get deleted. Simple as that.

    1. You know that status thing is also an issue for a lot of folks. As in "why don't you wanna put it up there?" and then it spirals into conversation about the intentions of why someone wouldn't want to share that. But you were smart and circumvented all the shenanigans. Good stuff.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

  18. This right here "it’s about trust and communication". If you can't trust you mate or they you then THAT is where the problem is. If you mate is tripping because some person commented on your picture or page then there is a trust issue that needs to be addressed. Unless the comment warrants some kind of reaction; ie: A dude from your girls friendslist leaving a comment on her pics about how she need to let him tap that or something.
    But Social Media in no way can be given any blame. Its what people do with social media thats the problem. Men and women that can't help but flirt or leave sexually suggestive comments on other peoples pages, pictures and TLs.

  19. This thread is enlightening. I had no idea people took the relationship status thing so seriously. I didn't get what the problem was with putting it up there, or just not having ANYTHING up there. And while I still don't agree really with the reasons to not have yourself either listed as in a relationship or unlisted completely if you're in one, knowing so many other people trip about that validates that point more to me.

    1. I always knew, but I'm in agreement with you re: not worrying about the supposed consequences of publicizing my relationship status. I don't see myself necessarily switching from not having it up to "in a relationship," but if I'm in a stable one and we happen to take a picture that I love? There's a decent chance that it may end up on my FB profile. In fact, it's actually been a conscious decision of mine to not date anyone who would make a fuss about something like that. I always smile when my male acquaintances make references to their significant others and/or post a picture, provided it's not a "in-your-face-every-3-seconds" type of deal.

      1. "In fact, it's actually been a conscious decision of mine to not date anyone who would make a fuss about something like that."

        THIS! The complexity of the "rules" for FB/Twitter posting is not for me. If you're into that nonsense, I'm not with it.

        1. Ditto. And the idea that I can't or shouldn't be friends with my significant other on any social media forum is ludicrous to me. If I'm not cool with your activities in "real life" or online (since they're apparently not to be taken as being the same), then it's just an indication that we may not be well suited for each other. Personally, what you see is what you get from the on or offline me, give or take a few "lol"s and some randomness. I expect the same of whomever I'm seeing.

  20. this topic is too much for me. yes yes yes to your first 3 questions asked. lol I haven't figured out how to navigate this yet in relationships. lol. Some people like to play the role of innocent fun but since I'm of the mind you do this online you'd do it in real life, I can't compartmentalize and trivialize online interactions. be respectful of your partner, even if your pages aren't linked/friends/following. Cuz someone will always runteldat. always. don't do anything worth being snitched on and have some "splainin' to do" basically. you can't control others but you always can control your OWN actions.

    Its pretty rare these days to find so I will say dating guys with no twitter and very limited social networks is sooooo refreshing and awesome. makes me nostalgic for the old days with less access and connections.
    My recent post We Can Skip Dinner Head Straight For Dessert…

  21. Didn't realize the relationship status thing was such a big deal for women. Me personally, I keep my FB extremely private so the only friends on there either actually know me, went to college w/ me or we're in the same industry and can possibly assist each other in future endeavors. Since FB opened its door to the Jordan enthusiasts and pseudo-promoters, I kinda scaled back on it.

    Overall though, I think social media only exacerbates problems that are already there! If you're insecure and hate the fact that other women flirt and talk to your dude on the streets and at events, him getting 30 "likes" on a new profile picture that you're not in is gonna grate on your nerves. I can say, I don't like it when certain dudes comment on my lady's pictures. Just b/c you added a "lol" to it doesn't mean it flies, bro!
    My recent post Pau Gasol Should’ve Known Better

  22. I think its rather simple, especially if you have nothing to hide..It becomes problematic when one doesnt pay attention to how their relations online affect their partner. I dont buy this "online life" people claim is different from reality. Why cant I follow you on twitter or be your friend on facebook because you are my SIGNIFICANT other? seems ironic. makes no sense. afterall I am part of most aspects of you. why compartmentalize?
    I am not the pushy type anyway, who would get upset that you complimented a ladys picture or said hi to them on social media. Have your life. have female friends. but be respectful.

    An example. Blackberry scenario. this one guy i was in a relationship with, his blackberry status read "need a date for friday!". Keep in mind we were in different geographical locations at the time and for the past few days he had given me two word responses and had not intimated me of any of his happenings. He blamed it on stress.
    a combination of that and his status made me go livid! He couldnt (pretended not to ) understand why I took it so serious. his response: "relax, you should ask questions first before making assumptions.. its not like I was looking for a girlfriend. I was just guilt tripping my friend to come with me for this award ceremony"…dude are you gaslighting me for real?

    ask questions?????. oh my apologies. my response should have been "darling who are you going on a date with on friday? should I pick u an outfit via skype? we want to make sure you look spiffy!! ". what menstruating woman (no shade to menopause) wouldn't think the worst of their partner in such a scenario?

  23. More insecurity? Not with me. With some ex's probably, maybe.
    More arguments? Not for me. If the there is no concrete proof of any type of inappropriate shiggidy goin on and no basis for it then there is nothing to argue about imo.
    If you don’t think anything has changed for you, why do you think you’ve been able to avoid the extra discussions (splainin’)? I've been able to avoid it simply because thats just how I carry it. I don't argue about assumptions and unnecessary bs. I'm not a particularly jealous or insecure person and let dudes know what it is with me from the door. I tell them straight up, "yes i have male friends, yes they like me and they are attracted to me, but obviously I am not attracted to them and interested in sleeping with them or else I would be with them and not you." "You can take it or leave it." Thee end.

  24. Is one sex more responsible for the online skepticism than the other? Of course…..let's be real……Women.
    However, men sometimes give women reasons to be insecure and jealous because of their actions…..it's about cause and effect. I think women would be more secure if men gave them more reasons to be and made it easier for women to trust them. But of course there are also women who just have serious trust issues and never trust any man no matter what.

  25. My guy isn't on Facebook, and neither of us is on Twitter. I haven't said a word about him in Facebook in 3 years, my father mentioned him once, and another friend mentioned him once. I deleted both of those posts. Why? Because it's none of anyone's business but mine and my family's. He wouldn't appreciate me talking about him, and I don't want to talk about him.

    I'm generally an extremely private person, and even more private when it comes to my love life. I would definitely have a problem with a guy who kept posting about what we've done together or link me to his relationship status. Although, I feel this would only be a manifestation of other problems that would most definitely arise between me and a guy like that. Opposites may attract but don't always keep attracting.

    Even here, if I had to post with my full name and people would know who I am in real life, I would probably disappear very quickly and definitely not say a word about any relationship I might be in. Anonymity is nice.

  26. many folks are junk food status junkies!
    one minute "in a relationship" the next "single", lol. im quite sure they use this as a tool to force the person they want to be in a relationship with hand. it never works. lol
    please people leave the drama in your house and behind close doors, lol

  27. Worst part of cyber life is how it can prevent things with a potential partner from going to the next level. I've seen it happen where someone you're interested in or just met/dating adds you on facebook or follows you on twitter. Its almost like information overload…at least before you got to take your time and get to know the person one on one. Now its like people are being judged on what they post online. Definitely a call to think twice before you start rt'ing lil duval sex jokes and that person that was checking for you is all like "ohh hell nah".


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