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The Dating Questionnaire 2: How to Avoid Ratchets and Maneaters

These maneaters are trying to get me!

Last week’s Dating Questionnaire seemed to be wildly successful.  I hope you all enjoyed the questionnaire, but if you didn’t get a chance to see, click here. Based on the feedback that we got from last week’s post, we created a questionnaire that was catered to men.  Yes… it’s a little more serious than, “Are you crazy?”  Come on fellas, it’s 2012.  Well, in the SBM Barbershop you have to articulate yourself a little bit better than, “That girl crazy, yo.”

Today’s mix is called, “What She Wanna Hear.” We put together this special mix in line with today’s post.  Tracklist below, but it’s some Cole, Jay, 2 Chainz & Weeknd, Wale, Jeezy, Future and more.  The fellas really gon’ love this… Again, the resident DJ is @CarverTheGreat, you can find more of his mixes here, but this is that #FistPumpFriday mix.  Stream below, or download it here. Right click, and select “Save Target As.”

This questionnaire was also written by Single Brown Female, the awesome girl from last week.  She takes her level of awesomeness to a new level, as she authors a great female version of the questionnaire.  Personally, I feel that the hardest part of picking a mate is trying to make sure you don’t waste time.  You hope that the women share your sense of logic or line of thinking.  I don’t want to deal with a baby that’s the coatcheck lady situation, nor do I want to wake up one night and see you on the edge of my bed sitting Indian style and going through my BlackBerry.  So… that’s what the questionnaire is intended to do.  SBM Barbershop Fridays in conjunction with Single Brown Female Productions presents to you,

The Dating Questionnaire: How to Avoid Ratchets and Maneaters

1. Name:

2. Phone Number:

3. Height: _____ ft. _____ in.

4. Anything you want to get off your chest now that you know will make a man run in the opposite direction? (Of course not, because in your mind, you are perfect. Right, princess?)

5. Please read the following dialogue:

Man (on a Friday afternoon): Hey, how is your day going? I’ve been swamped today. And I am feeling a bit under the weather.
Woman: Not too bad. A little busy but it’s helping the time pass faster. What’s wrong? The flu has been going around.
Man: I don’t think it’s the flu. I think I just need to get a good night’s rest. It’s been a long week at work so I am looking forward to a break. Have any plans for the weekend?
Woman: Hmm. Not too much, might watch a Lifetime movie, do some online shopping, just gonna chill at home tonight. Want to keep me company?
Man: I am pretty exhausted so I think I am going to sleep early tonight. How about I hit you up tomorrow?

Select one of the following that would most likely be your next response:

a) “Why do you always have to come up with an excuse as to why we can’t hang out?! I keep trying, but you always have an excuse. If you are over it, just let me know.”

b) “I knew you were f*cking someone else!”

c) “Sounds good to me. Get some rest. Hope you feel better!”

d) “Ok.”

6. I get it from my momma… or do you?

Please circle whether the following were purchased at a store or inherited through genetics:

a) Eyes : Purchased/Genetic

b) Hair: Purchased/Genetics

c) Eyelashes: Purchased/Genetics

d) Nails: Purchased/Genetics

e) Breasts: Purchased/Genetics

7. Let’s just be blunt: Are you crazy?

If your answer is no, you know you’re lying. You’re probably going bat sh*t crazy right now, over nothing.

8. Have you ever been arrested for destroying property (electronics, articles of clothing, etc.) of an ex or current boyfriend?

9. Do you encourage your boyfriend to have fun with his boys and without you?

10. Are you over your ex-boyfriend(s)?

a) If yes, do you still have stuffed animals or any other memorable gifts that he gave you?

b) If yes, do you perhaps think you are holding onto them because you are hoping you two get back together?

Admin Note: This is Dr. J – If I didn’t see you buy that lingerie, i’m going to assume another man has seen it.

11. Do any of the lyrics in the song “Chickenhead” by Project Pat, apply to you?

12. It’s a Friday night, and your boyfriend’s best friend invited both of you to a party at his apartment: If your boyfriend introduced you to a female friend, would you:

a) Be friendly. (Yes, this option is possible for some women.)

b) Sit in a corner, pout, and expect him to be as anti-social as you.

c) Automatically assume he used to sleep with her, and have an attitude the rest of the night.

13. Have you ever gone through a boyfriend’s cell phone?

If yes: Did it require a password?

If yes: Did you know the password because he told you? or because you stalked his finger movements?

14. Would you be insecure if your boyfriend’s best friends were female?

15. Are you willing to sit and watch football and/or basketball games with me without complaining? From start to finish, without saying “can’t you just DVR it?”

16. True or False: You have offered to pay for either food, drinks or the movies after your first date.

17. The Most Important Question: Please tell me about your parents and what you think about their relationship.

I’m still laughing at #5, that’s my favorite one right there.  The intro to “How’s It Goin’ Down” doesn’t hold a flame to “You [insert profane word for “sleeping with”] that chick, ain’t you?!”  #17 is a brief moment of seriousness,because you can pretty much predict how a woman will be in a relationship based on how she views the relationship her parents have.  Anyway, i’m about to get out of here.  There’s a new mix below, here’e the pdf version of The Dating Questionnaire for Women, and i’m out.

Naija gonna love this post. I can’t wait to see her drop some love in the comments.

Oh yeah, thank God it’s Friday.  For all you people with crazy plans tonight, remember “YOLO” … unless you believe in God.

If you have a moment, please take the SBM Readers Survey. Help us be great: SBM Reader Survey.

Tracklist from today’s mix: 1. I Wanna Be Your Everything (Intro) by Goldie, 2. International Player’s Anthem by Pimp C, 3. What She Wanna Hear by 2 Live Click, 4. V*gina Is For Lovers by J. Cole, Wale, & Currensy, 5. Purple Rain by J. Cole, 6. Girls, Girls, Girls Remix by Jay-Z, 7. Like Me by 2 Chainz & The Weeknd, 8. Supa Freak by Young Jeezy & 2 Chainz, 9. I Like Money & B*tches by Young Swift, Young Jeezy, & Jim Jones, 10. Ain’t No Way Around It by Future, 11. My Ho 2 by Future, 12. Pop Them Thangs by Donnis


  1. #4 was hilarious. Especially what was in the parentheses. #16 is pure 'ROTFCTFU *LMMFARTHO' style comedy.

    Legend – *Lmmfartho (def. Laughin my muthaf'n a** right tha hell off)

  2. This questionnaire is a complete set up lol. I mentally answered all of the questions as I read it just for fun and was doing so well that any man not born yesterday would assume I was full of isht. So I’d get an automatic fail. But seriously though #5 seems like both c and d would be acceptable answers. Or am I missing something? Anyway love the questionnaires.

  3. #6 had me HOLLERING!

    #13 My phone died so I needed to use his, he unlocked it and went back to sleep.
    I found all type of back and forth craigslist email correspondence between him and transsexuals.
    I immediately left his apt. and never contacted him again. He would call and text asking what happened, what's going on, etc, etc. Til this day, he still doesn't know what I found out. I sometimes would think….did he think I was a damn tranny when he met me?!

    I run into him from time to time.

    He lives in Brooklyn and is Kappa. Y'all be careful out there.

      1. Yes, but I'm also really a damn woman!

        As is Lisa Leslie, Candace Parker, Tyesha Fluker and a host of other 6'5 WOMEN.

        Don't get it twisted.

    1. Oh Sh*t

      While I was in downtown NYC (about a year ago), I accidentally approached a (wo)man (he or she had a nice ass riding a bicycle), and didn't catch on until I heard his/her voice…

      And then I accidentally called him/her "brother" and s/he was a bit insulted…

      Very weird, something you would conjure up from Issa Rae's "Awkward Black Girl"

  4. For #5, i would think "A" and do "D" and just say ok and next hit him up until he contacts me. I'm passive-aggressive like that.

    I think I would do ok since I'm a relationship newbie but I do have my ways about me lol.

      1. I literally just got in this argument last night. A woman said, "I didn't say, "you're probably sleeping with her", I just asked "what's up with her?"

        My response, "But you thought it didin't you? That's all that counts."

  5. @ "Did you know the password because he told you? or because you stalked his finger movements?" What person has time to do that??? but after reading "Classy6ft5" maybe I need to be a litte bit more aware and sneaky too…

    1. See, I had no initial intent on snooping. I asked him could he unlock his phone about a good 3 times before he finally took the phone and put his head and the phone under a pillow for a good 5-7 minutes. I don't know too many phones that take that long to unlock, but okay. I made my initial phone call. Looked back at him (I'm sitting at the edge of the the bed, not Indian style though) and began going through his text messages. Nothing. Absolutely no messages what so ever. This was very odd because we had been texting each other throughout the day and night about a party I saw going to in the city, if he was going to come, that I was going to spend the night after, etc.etc.

      I started to stop there, but my intuition was telling me something else. *Looks back again.* Proceeds to go through emails.


      *Looks back again*

      Sits looking around room…spies baby oil and plenty of brown leather shoes that I could fvck up. Spies Passport I could see to an illegal. Spies clothes in the closet that I could fvck up with the baby oil as well.

      *Looks back again*

      He is very lucky that I wasn't blessed with the crazy gene.

      1. When chicks check dudes phones, they always go straight to the text messages and outgoing/incomming calls. Dudes hip to that now. The phone part of the phone stay clean.

        But let a n*gga gmail get compromised ….

        1. Doc J that don't matter if your emails go straight to ur phone and they are right there once your phone is unlocked.
          This is why only my business email is accessible thru my phone….No other emails. Thats how you work that.

        2. You seriously are going to go through each of my comments and offer a rebuttal?

          You can't get in my phone. I don't give out my password. Snooping does not happen to me. This is really not an area that anyone should question me on. My entire career revolves around maintaining classified information. If I say, you won't find it, you will not find it.

      2. Let it be known that iPhones have special apps that allow you to put in two differnt passwords. One for a clean phone and one for the real thing. Its undetectable…… Unless she's looking through your iTunes on your computer

  6. Hmm… I am a generous and down to earth person, but I wouldn't really offer to pay for dinner or whatever, just to offer. I've heard this before and I don't get why a lot of men need this. Pretending to offer to pay, on the girl's part, is fake and feels like such an obviously fake thing to do. Like I KNOW the dude is going to pay, and HE KNOWS I KNOW, so what's the point?

    1. How about making a genuine offer, though? Sometimes, you can just step in and not give him an option. Let him pay for the show tickets or a significant portion if that's his intent, but handle the other little things on the side…with or without his cooperation. lol, I'm sneaky sometimes. I was once dating someone & we went to the store while he started admiring himself in some shoes, but complained about the prices even though he could easily afford them. While he was busy being self-absorbed, I told the salesperson to take them up to the front as he confirmed sizes. Then on our way out, I strolled over to the counter. Though he quickly realized what was going on and fought me (not seriously) about it while the sales people laughed and the cashier said she would gladly accept payment from both of us, I didn't budge. Clearly not first date material, but the same kinda idea. I won't pay for everything unless it's under special circumstances, but if there are numerous opportunities for the wallet to come out, I'll try to pitch in.

      PS: Damn you, Dr. J…..now I'm behind on my stuff! *shakes fist*

        1. lol Nah. The way he was glowing about it when we got home and bragging to his visiting friend ("look what my girl got me!") was priceless, even though he had ordered me in the car to never ever ever pull a stunt like that again. Made me smile for days.

    2. See this is confusing to me. Some men want you to offer. While other men check you off the list for offering. Can men please hold a conference to come to some sort of consensus about this issue? What does it say in the Man Law Book say? Yall gotta help us out a little.

      1. Nope. There is no consensus on that, any more than there is a consensus about what all women want. If a man writes you off because you offered to pick up the tab, chances are, that's not the ONLY reason he's writing you off.

        I mean, that would be about ridiculous as a woman writing off a man only because he's not quite tall enough or he doesn't pull out her chair for her. If, (insert deity here) forbid a man or woman writes somebody off for ONLY one reason, it's probably for the best. Think about it. Do you really want to be around someone that decides you're not dateable ONLY because you offered to pay for dinner?

        Honestly, if that's the WORST quality a woman possesses, I can have ring ready by Monday.

    3. I'm going to put it this way and i'll touch on this in a later post.

      What Men Want: We want you to ask how much is the bill, do a playaction fake to your purse, so our ego will allow us the chance to say, "No, I got it." Then smile and say, "Thank you." This makes us feel like lions. Just do it.

      1. That's okay in the beginning. After a year or so, it's perfectly okay if a lady picks up the tab. Birthdays, for example. Or, if I score a promotion or new job. It's cool if my lady treats me to a steak dinner to celebrate.

        If she just decides to pick up the check just because…well, schit, that's okay too. This is 2012. We're all supposed to be equal now, right?

        1. There is never any black or white with this….men and women have various personality types. So some men (typically ones who are slackers and lazy as hell and/or mama's boys) want a woman to pay and are doin the "lean back" when the check comes. Some men are true "alpha men" and never want a woman to even offer much less come out the pocket because it insults their masculinity and how they define a mans role in dating/relationships.
          Some men like Jupiter are cool either way. In the end what difference does it make as long as both of yall get a good meal and it's paid for and nobody has to wash dishes.

        2. true because one of my exes was an Alpha man literally and I remember being told once when we were dating "why are you reaching for the check? don't ever reach for it unless you want to pay it. and since I'm treating you, I'm paying" I told him I was curious how much it was (I genuinely was) he told me "well don't be, I got you" and I haven't ever reached or looked at a check I had no intentions on paying, every since. if I reach, its not a pump fake, I'm treating you. regardless of expense. period.

          I haven't had any issues thus far with this method… ya girl isn't reaching for a check. I might offer to pay tip, or if we're going for ice cream, movies, drinks–basically a 2pt to the date I may pay for that. but I'm not reaching for that dinner check. LOL
          My recent post We Can Skip Dinner Head Straight For Dessert…

        3. Reecie me and you are <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<here>>>>>>>>>>>>>> had the same thing happen to me with an "alpha male" ex. Like you I never so much as leaned forward when the check came after he "chastized me" about it. Plus, I'm not one to "kick a gifted horse in the mouth."
          And hence forth from that point on when I reached for the check I payed or looked to see how much of a tip to leave if the man was treating.

        4. "If she just decides to pick up the check just because…well, schit, that's okay too. This is 2012"

          Yup, This is how I feel about it!!

          I have no problems picking up the tab here and there after a few dates had already been established on HIS DIME..

        5. That's how I feel. My original post was talking about the first dates… Otherwise, once we're in the throng of it, of course I'll pick up half the expenses cause I'm like that.

      2. Ok I got you. Pretend to want to pay. I can do that… BUT if said male takes me up on that offer, <del>I'm coming right back here and somebody owes me the cost of a nice meal at a decent restaurant (plus tip)</del> I'll be a little salty.

        I'm kidding (well sorta)

        1. Only do it at a time when ur able to pay. You don't seem all that willing, sooooooo wait for a $20-$50 meal maybe.

        2. Lol.. I wouldn't go on a date if I wasn't able to pay. You never know what type of shenanigans a guy may have up his sleeve and I'm NOT into the rush of a dine and dash.

          Its also not that I'm not "willing", I just don't think I should…mainly if said male asked ME out to dinner or wherever. If I ask him, I would definitely pay. But I'm not so sure about reaching for my purse on our very first date though (I was raised kinda old fashioned). I'm definitely gonna give the pump fake move a try on a second date though.

      3. Yep, so true. However if they let you (Ms Princess) pay, multiple times in a row, then on to the next one. Gotta be the Lion and pay or at least play fair… However, I suspect Dr. J may not always follow the play fair approach 😉

  7. Of course a woman is going to answer what she thinks you would like to hear, so instead of a questionnaire this should be part of the references, sent to the last 3 ex's and to be submitted via fax on company letterhead.

    1. Kimmie,

      Bust it. You would be surprised. Most people who are crazy? … Yep, you guessed it, don't think they're crazy. They will sit here and say, "Let's be real Jay, what man do you know stays in the house on a Friday night?!" o_O… They would answer the questions truthfully and Plaxico themselves. Especially for me, before I even tell people stuff about me, most women dead themselves early in dating with, "I just don't think men and women can be platonic friends." I easily drop them, my best friend is a female and she's not going anywhere.

      1. Totally agree. I liken it to a Beautiful Mind, old boy wouldn't believe those closest to him even when confronted with evidence. Best to let them come to their own realization, albeit not your time.

      2. Thing is u won't know the answer to many of these survey questions until something goes down that will bring this to the forefront. For instance, how you gonna know the answer to #12 until your in that situation???
        And rarely will folks tell you how they really feel. Yall should know women are notorious for saying they are just fine and "nothing is wrong" when in reality everything is wrong and they are far from "just fine."

        1. That doesn't mean we shouldn't ask up front. You can say the same about STDs. Still asking about it though…

        2. definitely ask….if u ask the right way and enough times eventually the truth does come out.
          You know I like challenging and playin devil's advocate Doc J……*smile*

    2. Now that right there Kimmie is smart…….thats what I would do….check references just like they do at your job.

  8. "Naija gonna love this post. I can’t wait to see her drop some love in the comments."

    lol, I was just about to dip to finally get my work started before I saw that I'd been called out. How'd you figure?

    Since #7 assumes that I'm bat sh*t crazy, I would answer most questions accordingly, make all kinds of faces while doing so, (rolling eyes, scrunching up my face) and then hand the sheet over with the sweetest, most innocent-est smile. =)

  9. My favorites were #6…and Dr. J's Admin Note, LMBO! I hollered at the Admin Note, LOL!

    Well played…

  10. This form has been saved as a .PDF and is being saved to a web site. I'll be linking to said website from my various online dating profiles.

    I'm only joking. Okay, half joking…

  11. "Admin Note: This is Dr. J – If I didn’t see you buy that lingerie, i’m going to assume another man has seen it."

    And you'd be so wrong. We buy shyt to whip out later when the time is right. I have a pieces I've had for over a year that have never been worn because the mood for that particular piece hasn't occurred yet!

    But if it means you're taking her lingerie shopping as often as necessary to build up a collection… welp, go for it baller! lol
    My recent post Sex, Yoga, and BDSM

    1. You know what Chunk? In all reality, I know several women who buy lingerie when they are single. They buy it cause they like to look nice in it. I even know a girl who used to buy it just to… well nevermind about all that with it being Good Friday and all. But you guys are clearly the exception and not the rule.

    2. "We buy shyt to whip out later when the time is right. I have a pieces I've had for over a year that have never been worn because the mood for that particular piece hasn't occurred yet!"
      Cosign on that Chunk……most all my lingerie I've brought myself and had for a very long time. Some since college, some never ever worn.

  12. ALL of this is hilarious, lol. The parenthetical statement at the end of #4 and Dr. J's admin note are highlights. I agree with cynicaloptmst81, the admin note had me hollerin'. I only have one disagreement, and that is with question 10b. Some things are kept, not because they hold sentimental value, or not because you are secretly wishing they will draw the person back to you, but because they are either useful or you REALLY loved the item, ie. furniture, jewelry, books. I'm not getting rid of my useful couch just because he ain't around no more!

    1. True that! It's like, I can't help it that I was out seeing the world and that negro happens to be in some of the pictures. I'm supposed to throw everything from my life away? What? Sigh.
      My recent post Sex, Yoga, and BDSM

      1. LMAO. I literally am wiping down my keyboard after spitting out my water all over it. That was hilarious, but it be's that way sometimes.

  13. That's a pretty good strategy in fact. That's like when i'm on a date and someone asks me how many women i've slept with, "I almost always say, "5" or "I lost count to be honest with you." Just to get as ridiculous as they are being at that time. I don't think #7 is assuming. I think that if you are not crazy, then you are not crazy. And let's be clear, I don't use the word "crazy" too often. I'll break it down. If we do not have a mutual understanding of logic and thought processes, it won't work. I don't need to do things the way you do or vice versa, but we need to understand how each other thinks.

    1. lol, allow me to quote: "If your answer is no, you know you’re lying." So either way…I'm supposedly crazy. That's not completely false, however. I'm a healthy kinda break-out-in-random-song-and-dance crazy. I think.

      But I agree with you on the mutual understanding bit. I'll add acceptance to the understanding, because I can understand the way he thinks and yet still give him crap for it.

    2. Dr. J Everybody has some crazy in them…….if you think they don't it's only because nothing has been said or happened to bring it out yet and you haven't seen it yet………just like everyone has the potential to harm, hurt, or kill…..not saying they will but the potential is there. On the discovery channel I saw a white woman beat the sh** out of an alligator to save her son and the alligator let him go. Not something probably anyone would ever think she would do until something happened to bring out that side of her.
      I'm quite sure there are some things your capable of that you may not even realize you are until your put in that situation.
      This is why you just never can tell…..no matter what your taking a chance.
      At best, you can just hope and pray nothing ever happens to bring out the worst you have ever seen in a person, and/or that your not around to bear witness to it.

  14. I bought my ex a 42" HDTV as his 'consolation prize' for making it to year 6. When I moved out 3 months later, my ex bought my bed (to show how 'cool' he was with no longer having unlimited access to cow priviledges). I'm keeping that mo'fo. I just assume when he uses his gift, he thinks about me & smiles. And when I use his gift, I will….
    ….Er… what were we talking about again???

  15. In regards to your #7 I wouldn't answer "No" I would simply respond and say… "Define Crazy" because everybody's interpretation is not the same — some men like a little crazy.

    #6 is funny.. but b) should read "Purchased/Genetic/Hybrid — because I got LOTS OF HAIR but I like wearing my extensions/clip-ons too. #Justsaying

  16. Honestly, I think #17 is one of the important ones. Parents have a great affect on how kids end up….but so much can be said for a female in the dating realm and her parent's relationship. Whether the father was there or not…whether they were married…was it a happy marriage or ended in divorce….etc. So many can be said about that question! But today's world being as it is, that's something I don't jump into too early unless she wants to. I try to read the other signs first.


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