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5 Tips for Dating a Married Man

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I’m not easily shocked, but when I came across one of today’s Huffington Post articles, Affair Survival: Tips For Dating a Married Man, I was admittedly taken aback. First, I can’t even mentally comprehend the visceral response that would have rained down upon the proverbial head of a man who authored Tips for Dating a Married Woman. Secondly, I can’t believe this is the point we’ve reached in 2012 regarding marriage:

 Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. However, that may not be practical for all women. As my friend “Jenna” told me, “You can’t help who you fall in love with. The love of your life just might be a married man.”



“That may not be practical for all women.” Really? Not cheating with a married man (or woman) is impractical? Wow. Will wonders never cease?  I assume the author, given her passionate writing on the subject, has been “the other woman” herself. Using her experience, she provides 5 survival tips for dating married men.

  1. The needs of the many (namely, his family) will always outweigh your needs.
  2. His life with you is secret and always will be.
  3. No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him.
  4. He will not leave his wife.
  5. Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim.
While she’s kind enough to note, “less than 5 percent of men leave their wives,” she appears to harbor no qualms or make any apologies for enabling the mistresses of the world. If your friend came to you, like that of the author, and admitted to dating a married man would you discourage or encourage her pursuit? What are your thoughts on the 5 tips provided and on adultery in general? Have we collectively given up on the idea of faithful marriages? Maybe I missed the memo. Tiger, Tiger Woods y’all.

Comment(15)

  1. lmbao…this is funny in a comical sense and not funny because it's just crazy as hell and so wrong on so many levels and goes against moral principles and religious teachings.
    The survival tips do have some truth to them. But every situation is different and there are some men who put mistresses over their wives and family's. But that would deem that person having serious azzhole tendencies so why would you want them anyway? There are men who spend more money on their mistresses and you may get with 1 of the less than 5% who does leave his wife for you. But based on how he treated the one who preceded you that he took vows with and had children with what does that say about this mans character and what he could possibly do to you if someone he deems better than you comes along?
    So hell to the no I would never encourage a friend of mine (male or female) to date much less be in a relationship with a married person. Nothing good ever comes from it from what I've seen and heard.

  2. Wow…..LMAO @ tiger,tiger woods ya’lll ending. On the flipside i am usually approached by an assortment of men some of which are married and i aint having that. No need to give me the attention you could show your wife.

    Interesting article tho.

  3. This topic is always very touchy. NO woman will come out and tell friends and family that she is in love with, dating, or sleeping with a married man. Scared of the side eyes and smart remarks from others that would follow. I myself have entered into a relationship/ friendship with a married man. Does that make me a bad person, NO that makes me human. I'm not asking him to leave, I'm not looking for kids ( I don't even want kids) or anything. In all honesty, this man is my friend and yes we sleep together. SUE ME!!

    1. "NO woman will come out and tell friends and family that she is in love with, dating, or sleeping with a married man"…….
      I've found this statement to be untrue. Most women share this info amongst their friends. One of my friends told me when she dated and slept with a married man last year and I reminded her not to get her hopes up. I know for a fact that she wants to be married and have children so dating married men is of no use. It turns out he did not leave his wife and she is the one who is emotionally damaged/drained from this situation. I feel sort of sad for women in this situation because many eventually waste their youth with some married man and miss out on other possible mates.

  4. Maybe it’s just me but I kinda sense a weird undertone in those “tips” the author handed out. All of them seem to point out something that sucks about the situation that these homewreckers *clears throat* excuse me, “mistresses” will have to snap out of their delusions and come to terms with. Almost like a “5 reasons you shouldn’t do this but if you’re going to anyway at least keeps these in the back of your mind” kinda article.

    I would never encourage a friend to get involved with a married man because adultery is high on my list of things I hate most. However, there have been people creeping around with the married folks since birds started to fly so it’s nothing new. But the morality of society has shifted in such a way that has made this practice something most people just deal with since its not gonna stop anytime soon.

    1. P.s. I need to point out I was kidding with the “homewreckers”, lest the sensitive or faint of heart be offended 🙂

  5. I automatically wrote off the original article because you cannot date somebody who's married. A dude buying you things, taking you out 50 miles from his house, or making every night at your house a Redbox doesn't equate to ya'll are dating. Things do happen, but that whole "you can't help who you fall in love with" is a cop out. If a woman knowingly falls in love with a guy that can never be hers, that's a conscious choice. So she can't switch up the rules later on. I've had a few female friends fall prey to the "…I just need time" from a guy and I guess before you decide to become a mistress, you gotta do a cost-benefit analysis on the situation.
    My recent post American Reunion Continues A Successful Run (Review)

  6. I saw that article as well. If we can actually take it seriously, I think this is just MORE evidence that the sliding scale of self-respect and true commitment CONTINUES to keep "sliding" in the downward direction.

  7. I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my life, but dating a married man isn’t one. I’ve had a couple of short flings, mind you, but I knew it was a purely physical thing for a short period of time. Eventually my conscience caught up with me and I sent him on his way. Plus there’s the Eww factor of doing it with someone who cheats. It’s just kinda gross to me.

    Who am I to judge, says you? Well we all have standards, just different ones. I always use condoms, foe example…. Anyways, the main reason, to me, to avoid married men is, He Doesn’t Need You. You are an accessory. Something extra. That power imbalance is like an old school seesaw. They still have those? For me, the position of extra can cause me to lose my traction and fall. Like in love. Put it this way. If you have no leverage in the relationship, you’re gonna find yourself scrambling to win him away from her. When you put in that much effort, you psyche yourself into being vested. You buy in with your body, emotions, alladat. But he still has all the power.

    You will lose. Yeah, occasionally men leave the wives for the mistress, but occasionally people go raw with HIV positive people and don’t get HIV. Ain’t worth the risk. But some people like that kinda risk, thus the article.

  8. I've know a few girls who've fallen into the "mistress" category a few times, and I've seen the effects of adultery in marriages. The thing a lot of people miss is the brokenness in the marriage before the third person comes in. Usually the couple gets so caught up in routine that even though things are wrong and the romance has faded, it's easier to ignore or excuse a partner's brief absences. That is until the indiscretions are blatantly displayed.
    I think the emotional ties women have to the married man are different from the wife. He treats his time with the mistress as a vacation, the time with the wife as a chore. He shares things with you that make you feel special, treasured, overwhelmed by his emotion. You in turn provide him comfort, ease, a safe haven. The trysts are adventurous, secretive, naughty even. The raw, honest, unguarded moments are for him a relief because he doesn't really care either way (he has a place to lay his head in the end) and for her treasured because she wants to be everything that the other woman can't to please him– in turn they both experience these weird sensations of happiness… and while fleeting, the juice is worth the squeeze. Until reality hits and you have to go back to the day to day, and the realization that divorce is expensive and detrimental to the "family unit" you originally created with your wife (and subsequent children). And so the relationship ends (either the marriage or the mistress).
    I wont say that it's right to be a married man's lover, but I also didn't judge my friends who revealed their affairs. I'm learning that life is a journey where black and white aren't crystal clear. It's all murky grey to me.
    My recent post 24 Hours Ago

  9. "Men are as faithful as their options," so goes the saying. Women, on the other hand, can and usually do know better. While you can't help whom you fall in love with, you can control who you "date." Men with the creep gene don't need this article to encourage their behavior. And women shouldn't encourage a situation what will more than likely end badly for the woman.

  10. I dated a married man for 4 yrs & let me tell u it’s not what I wanted. He lied at the beginning he told me he had a baby mama. He spend a lot of time with me even spend the night out more than once. He took me out in public places met his friends but never met his family. For 2 yrs it was all good until I was told he was married my heart rip in pieces and I couldn’t think for a wild. Then something happen again and again. I tired to get out of this relationship with home but it was difficult. I was already in love with him. He brought me nice things like a car no payment diamond necklace, mk purses and not the ones for 1 & 2 hundred dollars. The bottom line men will lie to get what they want. I regret ever falling in love with him.

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