So I’m watching the Knick’s game this weekend and during halftime, as usual, Knick’s reporter Tina Cervacio picks a celeb from the crowd and does a 60 second interview. This week’s interview happened to be with Producer/Rapper/Husband Swizz Beatz. During the interview, I couldn’t contain my general annoyance and I couldn’t really figure out why. Which leads me today’s post. Today I wanna keep it light and share with you all a few famous or semi-famous folks in and around Black America that generally annoy me.
Remember Rough Riders? Sure you do. They were a rap label/crew/conglomerate in the late 90’s and early 2000’s that produced some of Hip-Hop’s hardest and most popular music. Eve, The Lox, and of course the great Earl himself … DMX. They had a good run. The chief producer behind what became known as the “Rough Riders sound” was Swizz Beatz. Back then, he was just a young guy making beats. That, I could deal with. What makes Swizz so annoying today is that somehow he believes his beat-making has transcended to the point that he deserves to be in the upper echelon of Hip-Hop producers. It’s also clear he believes that he should be one the few folks chosen to lead Hip-Hop’s charge toward commercial domination in areas outside of Hip-Hop. He’s making songs for basketball teams, designing sneakers, hawking all sorts of beverages … all that. He really thinks he’s at the forefront of the culture and ish. It’s almost like he believes that since he buys expensive art, rare cars and high-top sneakers, he’s supposed to be avant garde or something. He’s not. He just makes beats. That’s where it should end for Swizzy. Sure, some of his stuff knocks, but there’s also a certain measure of clunky awkwardness about everything he touches that should always prevent him from ever being considered “great.” And let’s not forget about his hooks. I still don’t understand how he convinces these artists that they should let him rock out on the hook. He should never be allowed to speak on records … ever. Have we forgotten “Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, I’m tryna get that Oprah” or “(we are) ultra ultra ultra ultra ultra (I am) ultra ultra ultra ultra (you are)” He should definitely never be on anyone’s hook ever again. Songs like ‘On to the Next One’ and ‘Fancy’ are good despite him, not because of him. Just make beats bro.
Ever seen an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher that featured Michael Steele? If you have then you understand why he’s on this list. It’s not just his a**-backward political thought or his inability to reconcile his own blackness – it’s how willfully ignorant he’s chosen to be. When he speaks, you can tell he’s not lying, but instead, actively trying to close his eyes and ears to the truth. It’s like he’s trying to be stupid, but sound smart at the same time. We don’t believe you Michael. And the fact that the republicans put you in charge of their party means we can never, ever trust them either.
Y’all drank the juice didn’t you. You saw Tyler looking all masculine and serious alongside Thandie Newton and Gabrielle Union in those previews for “Good Deeds.” Then he had that inspirational message for the new year that went viral on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Then you heard he flew Whitney’s body home to her family in his private jet. Then you heard him take us to church at her funeral. You all thought he had changed. Nope. After dozens of cliched quotes, a few more underdeveloped characters in bad movies, and a slew of new episodes of “For Better or Worse” you realized what we all knew: Tyler is still Tyler and he’s always going to be Tyler. So while success can’t be denied, and while you can’t be mad at the number of black folks he employs, he’s still pretty high on the list of annoying black folk. And it only gets worse as he picks up where Morgan Freeman left off, taking over the role of Alex Cross based on the series of novels by James Patterson. It’s these sorts of moves that make Tyler so annoying. I loved those James Patterson novels and enjoyed Morgan in “Along Came a Spider” and “Kiss The Girls.” It’s the sort of role that’s easy to be great at. Tyler will probably knock it out the park and look great doing so. Every few months he does this. He’ll do something or say something that leads you to believe he knows better. Then he writes, produces or directs another movie or series and … you know what … never mind. I give up on Tyler … for good.
The Entire Cast of Basketball Wives
I must admit, I’ve enjoyed these first few weeks of this season of Basketball Wives. At this point, I’m over the fact that most of them aren’t actively in relationships with anyone who plays any sort of professional basketball and I’ve accepted the fact that, for this cycle, this show is going to replace Love & Hip-Hop as my weekly guilty pleasure. From the new cast members, to the fights, to the formation of various cliques and clans (Royce, Jen, Kesha >>> Ev, Shaunie, Tami) the show provides hilarious, laugh out loud moments every single week. At this point though, the show has become so predictable and so scripted, that the lack of actual depth and reality leaves you with nothing left to enjoy besides nit-picking its characters. I used to feel bad making fun of reality tv stars because in my mind, they were real people. Now, I think it’s all scripted and fake so I have no problem poking fun at them as I might poke fun at the characters on any other serial dramady. I mean, how we supposed to take this show seriously when there’s a random, clearly out of place commercial for “Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man” inserted into the middle of an episode. At this point, watching the show is about laughing at it’s characters. They’re all generally annoying, and combined they create the Voltron of Annoyance, so here are my general thoughts on each lady.
Kesha’s not so bad. She just seems like she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t come back next season. Always hilarious how Kesha wants no parts of the physical. Anytime anyone is about to fight … she’s outty.
Royce has grown on me y’all. I couldn’t stand her the first couple seasons but now, I actually appreciate how hard she seems to be trying to make herself relevant outside the show. Platanos and Collard Greens anyone??? I mean, yeah, Tennessee Williams it is not, but at least she’s trying. Relative to the show, I like that Royce has given up on being part of the “in” crowd and is content to just fall in love with a new man each season, do her little choreography and star in her little plays. In that respect, she’s shown a lot more maturity than the rest of the bunch.
I also don’t mind Jennifer so much this season. Based on what they show, she actually seems to be trying to distance herself from the all of the drama that comes with the show. Seems like she’s struggling to find other ways to be relevant, but that aside, she’s not so bad. Plus her leaked photo’s >>>>> Evelyn’s leaked photos.
I liked Tami better last year when she was slapping chics first and asking questions later. Now it seems Tami is kinda going over to the dark side and actually beginning to concern herself with how these other chicks perceive her. She still has that slap first attitude, which can be endearing, but she’s also a big bully which is highly annoying. The thing that makes me sad about Tami is that she really seems to believe that Ev is her friend. I don’t know these women, obviously, but from my outside perspective it just seems like after those beat downs last year, Ev decided it was better to have Tami on the team. That’s not a good way to build a friendship. Tami seems like she’d know better but is instead blissfully ignorant. I also don’t like how she’s treating Kenya. Sure, Kenya is clearly a weirdo, but Tami takes the bullying too far too often. “REPHRASE THAT – I don’t like the way you said that!” Really? Ya’ll like 35 years old. She’s just perpetually in need of a chill pill.
I can’t stand Shaunie. The thing I can’t take about Shaunie is that she seems like she’s trying to play the role of the more mature, executive producer who remains above the fray and solves problems amongst cast members. I get it. But like the homey Tony Starks said: “If you gon’ play that role … PLAY THAT ROLE!” The reality is, she’s just as petty and immature as the rest of them and is more than willing to throw kindling on any flame to boost ratings or to boost her own ego. More than anybody else on the show, she seems to presenting herself as something she’s not.
Besides her seeming propensity for mistruth and her convenient bouts of amnesia, the most annoying thing about Kenya is that every week I find myself asking “What in the hell is this chick wearing?” From the 15 year old Gucci slippers to the Dragon-Ball-Z dress, she’s just all over the place. And let’s not talk about them videos. Kenya was really walking on a treadmill covered by a bed sheet with the soft winds of a fan blowing through her weave as she lip-synched Beyonce’s ‘Beautiful Nightmare.’ That really happened. All bad.
It’s the many faces of Suzie and her complete unwillingness to not be so bird-ish that makes her annoying. Suzie reminds me of a bunch of women I knew in college – the kind of girls who always got invited to the after-parties. And that’s all I’ll say about that.
Five words secure Evelyn’s spot on this list: “You Not About This Life!” Really Ev? What Life? What life are we talking about here? The “Chad Ochocinco’s Fiance” Life?” The “Reality TV Star” life? I’m confused, what life are we not about? This season, for some reason, Ev’s somehow turned into super-thug. Every week she’s swearing to God, swearing on her kids or swearing to everything she loves that she’s gonna really STING somebody. (Sidebar: How does one go about “stinging” another human being?) The interesting thing to note each week are the things that really set Ev off and get her temper flying. Pay attention to those things and remember these words: sometimes, the truth hurts a lot more than fiction.