Home Featured Let Me Clear This Up: Five Myths About Introverts

Let Me Clear This Up: Five Myths About Introverts

What introverted couples don't do.

I was owt last week at an Omega event in NYC to fulfill my brotherly obligation after a long ass day in the office. If you know anything about me, I’m much more likely to go home after a long day than to a party where I have to channel my inner chatsworth. That’s part of the whole introvert thing. So making it to the event was kinda like a big deal. I figured I’d go in, make my rounds, do a few secret handshakes, have a drink or two, then be out. A typical Slim appearance during a long week of indentured servitude.

So I walked in, said what up to a few brothers, found the chicken (Never been to a bruh event that didn’t have chicken), then went to the bar. After copping a drink, I found a spot to post up. It’s a ritual of sorts. Sip, check my battery, say hello to someone, make small talk, repeat.

A couple ladies were seated nearby at a high table. They saw me chilling in solitude, so they waved me over. I introduced myself, got their names, forgot their names, then went through a scenario I’ve come to know too well.

Chick 1: You looked lonely over there.
Chick 2: Yeah, are you okay?
Me to self: I was okay until you called me over here.
Me to them: Yeah, I’m good. Haha. Just chillin’. Long day today.
Chick 2: Do you know anybody here?
Me: **After asking her to repeat herself 3 times** Yeah, I’m a Que.
Chick 2: *After asking me to repeat myself 3 times** Ohhh, really? You don’t seem like one.
Me to self: Your breath smells like mongoose droppings and Appletini, but you seem like you brush your teeth.
Me to her: I get that a lot.
Chick 1: I can’t hear you!
Me: **nasal sigh** My bad. Hold on. I’ll be back.

I ain’t go back over there until it was time to get my coat and leave. They looked at me sideways as I headed out. I realized I’d probably come off as a less than voracious wackasaurus, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t there to meet or impress anybody. I had no interest in yelling over the music. I was there to support. And as I headed to the train station, it dawned on me how often women probably meet men who come off the same way I did. I thought about the easily formed misconceptions people have about introverts. I didn’t exactly do a great job of “representing,” so I decided to write this post and debunk a few myths — more so about the fellas, but I’m sure women can identify too.

See Also:  Simp: A Definition
Introverted guy picking off his prey.

Introverts lack social skills.

We don’t lack social skills. We’re just environmentally challenged sometimes. For me, the more crowded the room got and the louder the music blared, the less interest I had in carrying on any type of extended conversation. It actually felt like I was powering the massive subwoofers. That’s cool until the music stops.

If those same two women met me at Denny’s after the let out, on the street, in a less crowded setting, or on a different day at the same venue, they’d have gotten a different version of me. One that was much more reflective of the person I am…when I’m in my element and in the mood. Key takeaway for introverts: If you’re looking to meet people of the opposite sex, know where you thrive and when your energy is the highest. There’s no point in hitting up the club or loud ass bar if your battery is gonna die in an hour. Might as well stay home plugged into the charger watching some reality show. For Basketball Wives, When Your Life’s Drama Isn’t Enuf.

Introverts are shy.

I looked up the definition of shy and got the following:

Having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.

By this definition and a little bit of exaggeration, every time introverts are around people, they’re prone to spinning in circles while the voices of the crowd get chopped-n-screwed (slllooooow motion for meh) and the theme from Requiem for a Dream foreshadows they’re about to lose it. All this happens before the introvert lets out a cry of “get away from me!” and bolts for the door. That’s not introversion. That’s something that most likely requires pills and therapy. Introversion isn’t a medical condition or predilection for exit signs. Some extroverts and wishful daters don’t get that.

See Also:  Friends With Benefits Explained: More than just sex

In case you really wanted to hear that Requiem theme… 


Introverts aren’t scared of people or interaction. We actually enjoy talking and observing, and can probably tell you more about yourself than you can about us (Just don’t ask us to yell over the crowded room). And that’s without you disclosing much. Put more simply, we’re thinkers with great inductive reasoning skills. Great minds don’t always talk a boisterous game, because sometimes we just like to show you.  Which leads me to the next myth…

Introverts don’t have game or know how to approach the opposite sex.

A good number of women I know who’ve dated introverted dudes said it took time for the guy to grow on them (no innuendo). That’s not an accident. After all, we’re some of the greatest tricksters (not necessarily a bad thing) out there. As I noted above, we extract a lot of information from people without revealing much about ourselves, then we charm our way to your hearts 1-on-1.

Also, the same women that said it took time for the guy to grow on them noted that the man did make the initial approach. He didn’t always knock it out the park on the first meeting (usually somewhere with an excessive decibel level), but he piqued enough interest to get their contact info…their real contact info. After that, he took the lead and channeled all that chi through the headboard once he got over the moat. Once again, it’s all about energy and setting. We may not always get you at Club Capacity, but we’ll get you at the grocery store while you’re squeezing tomatoes and judging lettuce.

Introverts lack confidence.

I’ll say this, comfort and confidence are two different things. So I feel the same way about comfort zones. I don’t consider yelling over music at the club to be a good example of going out of your comfort zone. I call that stupid. However, approaching a small group of women at a mixer because you’re  interested in one is right up the alley. The only thing she has to do is smile and be inviting. (By the way, if me saying smile made you frown, you need to move to a different city.)

See Also:  How To Respond To People Who Hate On Your Relationship

I’ve also learned that the biggest barks often come from people that look in the mirror and see a chihuahua. So if you equate being gregarious, loud, and social to being a great and confident person, you’re wrong. Some folks can’t function without spotlights. Introverts can. We don’t need social validation because we’re good with ourselves. None of that “you are beautiful, no matter what they say” necessary. Words ain’t bringin’ us no where.

Great, another episode of Game of Thrones. *rolls eyes*

Introverts are boring.

Fun is relative. So is adventure. If you’re looking for someone to climb the Himalayas with you and your high strung friends, then party with the locals over a meal of boar meats and field mice patties, an introvert probably isn’t the one for you. But if you’re cool with small group outings, dinners, house parties, game nights, and adventures that don’t always require working the room with faux-interest in what other people are saying, then we can have some fun. Besides, we’re mysterious. How often have you heard someone describe an introvert as mysteriously boring?

These are just five myths about introverts that I commonly hear. I could go on and on, but I want to know what you have to say. Which do you consider yourself? Introvert or extrovert? For the introverts out there, do you agree with this list? Are there things you’d add? For the extroverted fam, are you more drawn to the extroverts or do you consider the introverted types when it comes to dating? This is probably a good time to ask about things you don’t understand about introverts. All thoughts are welcome!

Writing in Solitude But Dontchu Get It Twisted,



    1. I'm an introvert, and climbing the Himalayas, eating boar meat, and getting backshots from one of the local women while drenching myself in the local brew sounds like fun. I know, I know. The word "backshots" didn't come out of your mouth. That's a minor issue. I think introverts can be just as adventurous as anyone. I might not be into game night, because it's kind of boring. If I've been smoking herb with Mongolian warlords or slow dancing with gypsy women, Scrabble starts to become kind of lame. So yeah, introverts can be exciting and adventurous.

        1. No, no. I'm an introvert, but I'm really charismatic and have a lust for adventure. I'm also modest as hell too.

      1. Keeping it 100, I'm not sure if I'm an introvert (which I've been called a number of times) or if I'm just anti-social and controlling. I like being social. I like meeting people. I like being the center of attention and I'll be the first to hop out a plane with no qualms. BUT, I like to do all these things on my own terms. I like to socialize up to a point, and when I'm done, I'm done. Light switch. Outie 5,000.

        1. I can dig it WIM. I think the thing to keep in mind, like Slim stated, is the comfort level. I believe that's what it boils down to. When that level is just right…anything is likely to happen. The conversation is flowing, the focus is on being free and just having a great time.
          My recent post Words of Encouragement: FAITH (Part 2)

    2. As an introverted Scorpio married to a fellow introverted Scorpio(what are the odds?) I can tell you YES,this list is true!As a majority of the population being extroverted,I believe we introverts are very misunderstood and mislabeled.We are not of the 'social butterfly variety' so as a whole we never explain our inner workings that make us so mysterious,leaving the door open for majority(extroverts) to interpret our ways using their logic which is why most extroverts think we are 'shy'.My husband and I are not boring,shy or lack game.We simply don't put as much value in personality traits that cater to others as much as we do with those that cater to ourselves.We constantly live in a world of of self-reflection,analyzing and rationalizing.Parties,family gatherings and bars are fun,but only for short periods of time because unlike extroverts we find entertainment in the unspoken.We do not lack social skills,it's just we find updating our Facebook status and Twitter constantly not as appealing as reading those updates and reflecting on sharing such info on a public platform is so fulfilling to people.We have extroverted qualities,to get ahead in this world you will need to be a bit engaging,open and inviting sometimes,we just choose to use them at will instead of subconsciously…This was a great post!

      As the Type-A introvert I am,I had to painfully come out of Lurkerville to comment,I'm betting there will be a few other comments from new usernames as well….LOL!

  1. im an extrovert in social situations who prefers introverts. Mainly, they are more patient. They rather show than talk about things. And they never cease to surprise me with the depth of their intelligence. Some of them. Others are just smart enough to keep their mouths closed because they are idiots. I also find them calming and more centered. And distrustful of people lol

  2. Long time lurker, first time commenter, fellow introvert.

    "Put more simply, we’re thinkers with great inductive reasoning skills. Great minds don’t always talk a boisterous game…" <——THIS right here, no words!!

    "Some folks can’t function without spotlights. Introverts can. We don’t need social validation because we’re good with ourselves."<———THIS RIGHT HERE, even less than no words!!

    You surely did represent for the introverts, Slim Jackson. Job well done!!

    1. Hello, fellow long time lurker.
      I've considered myself an introvert all my life but the people around me seemed to differ in opinion. When people hear the word "introvert" it's automatically associated with personality traits such as "shy", "boring", "anti-social" which I've never been. I am self-reflective though(more so than I should be) and spend more time in my mind than others. After reading this post, I am definitely sold that I am a certified introvert. What others see is my ability to adapt to new environments and situations, but this is after I have already assessed and observed what time of environment and/or situation I'm in. Good post!!!

      Another thing, I rarely comment but I do when it's necessary. No need for useless talking when a situation doesn't require it. Another trait of the common "introvert" ^_^

  3. For the longest time I couldnt quite figure out if I was an introvert mostly because I felt I did not fit into the myths of what an introvert should be. I cosign this list. I wonder about the effect of social media on introverts. I feel nowadays I dont have to be loud and gregarious to have game, I can ease myself into it with my smiley face game and set up a one on one meeting for a chill dinner and convo. More up my speed.
    My recent post Societal Pressure and “The Format” to life in Nigeria

    1. "the smiley face game" LOL
      I think introverts and shy folks have made a big impact on social media. The internet is definitely an environment we can thrive in — we find our interests and talk exactly about things we care about rather than a whole lot of small talk that leads to nothing

  4. "For the introverts out there, do you agree with this list?"

    Pretty much. People always roll their eyes at me or protest en masse when I say that I am introverted, because they have a solid misconception about what the term encompasses. Please believe that I can be the life of a party, and the term "shy" does not in any remote way describe me. However, I prefer small, intimate gatherings to large and boisterous ones, and my idea of a perfect evening is coming home to kick off my heels and indulge in some me time, or spend some cuddle time with the boo. I'm an order-in/take-out kinda gal, and you kinda have to do a good job of arousing my interest before I commit to an outing. I've made a conscious decision to, and have become, much more outgoing in the past….but the core remains the same.

    1. Sorry, that was supposed to read "much more outgoing than in the past". One hour of sleep is apparently not enough for my brain.

    2. This right here -> "Please believe that I can be the life of a party, and the term "shy" does not in any remote way describe me." Along with how you described your perfect evening doesn't necessarily say "introvert", just that youre a chill laid back kinda person who is comfortable being social and outgoing when the situation presents itself. IMO.

      1. Nah, situations present themselves and I pass up on them 70%+ of the time. I remember when I finally got a crew at the beginning of University, and immediately got exhausted when I realized how much they liked going out, and on short notice at that. I'm well in, and generally prefer my own company. I can go for over a week without seeing anyone and not think anything of it. It's just that I'm versatile, so when I do go out, I tend to make the best of it.

    3. Introvert here who rarely posts but your description is me 24/7/365. No further description or explanation needed.

  5. I agree with this. Especially, the whole spotlight thing. You hit the nail on the head with this post, Slim. It's great.

  6. Funny you should post this today. I’m reading a book titled ‘self-promotion for introverts.’ I’m a SUPER introvert so I can definitely relate to all you’ve said. of course as an entrepreneur, my tendency towards introversion doesn’t always serve me well when it comes to needing to promote myself to get more clients. the only thing that I would change/tweak about this is that it’s not a myth that introverts are shy. Some ARE shy. The misconception is that introversion = shyness, which it does not. Anyway, great post. Introverts unite!

  7. Great list. I always get the exact same reaction when I go to a club and choose to post up instead of trying to holla at everything in a skirt.

  8. Really great assessment!

    I usually think that introverts as really extroverts who need a little time to be comfortable in a setting. I'm a pretty reserved guy, clubs/bars have never been my thing unless it's my b-day or someone specifically invites me for a purpose. So when I'm dragged out to that type of social scene, it's not that I shrink into a shell of myself or become a wallflower, I just need a few minutes (and drinks) to process the environment and adjust accordingly.

    Truth be told, the "shyest" people (or those you assert are shy/square because you don't know them like that) often party the hardest
    My recent post Melo Gets His 1st Triple-Double Since 2007 in Knicks Win

  9. I thought I was an intovert once, until i became a guinea pig for my psychology professor in a social experiment. Turns out my personality was more sociopathic than introvert. With a jug of apathy thrown in.
    I think it's different for women, rarely has any woman ever come up to me and asked if i was lonely, they just thought i was a bitch. *kanyeShrug*

  10. Agree with everything. #teamintrovert also

    6. Introverts live vicariously online- Its odd when a co worker or someone i know casually follow me on Twitter or Facebook and are like wow who knew you were so funny, so opinionated, or so popular.

  11. Introversion and shyness are definitely 2 different things. Being able to distinguish the two has helped me learn to embrace my introversion and work on my shyness.

    I agree that environment matters, but I think we may lack social skills. I may be projecting my life on the community of introverts, but I think we suck at small talk. I absolutely don’t do small talk and I’ve been known to walk away when I’m done with the conversation even if the other person/people aren’t.

    And that thing about being private but getting people to open up is interesting. I didn’t realize that was an introvert thing but I see it now. I think this goes back to what we’re interested in conversing about and the fact that we’re very observant. A lot of people complain that I don’t share my life with them but I know a lot of their business. The reality, for me, is I share things I’m passionate about but folks aren’t interested so I keep it to myself. If I was to go on and on about a dude I just met, then folks would think I was being open.

    1. I 100% agree with everything you said. I dont like to small talk so other people will say I'm very quiet. If I dont have anything to say to you, I'm just not going to say nothing to you. And thats also true about people opening up to you. People seem to pour their life out to me and I give them nothing. Mainly because people who are like that love to here themselves talk and really dont care what you got going on. As soon as I sense that in a person, they wont get much out of me.

  12. Great post as fellow introvert I agree with everything you said. I can be kind of shy/reserved around new ppl then there are just some people who I vibe with or hit it off with right away. I think being introverted at times has kept me out of a lot of bull/ unnecessary drama. Now I will say sometimes shyness can be a reflection of how comfortable you feel in a situation or environment but sometimes you might just not have something to say so why say something stupid or carry on an awkward conversation.

    I think being overly shy or meek could hint at a lack of confidence. (Ie: you don’t look ppl in the eye, having a weak hand shake, wont challenge people)

  13. And this too, shall be printed to be added to my "Blog-o-Fame" files!

    Feels great to know someone understands.

  14. Slim: "…we’re some of the greatest tricksters (not necessarily a bad thing) out there. As I noted above, we extract a lot of information from people without revealing much about ourselves, then we charm our way to your hearts 1-on-1."

    Yeah, pretty much.

    1. Extracting info from people without revealing much about yourself is not being tricky, just smart and clever (and maybe a little secretive)…….*smile*

  15. The worst thing about being an a ATTRACTIVE introvert is that you're quietness is assumed to be a bitchy or stuck up or "she must think she's too good" for this and that. Just because I'm not running around the room shaking hands and kissing babies doesn't mean that I'm not a people person or that I don't want to interact. Now I will say that I'm not the type to initiate conversation if I'm at a place that doesn't give me "home team advantage". However, once someone reaches out the olive branch, they'll find that I'm actually a personable person with a killer sense of humor
    My recent post Hi. My Name is Tokyo Brown….and I Facebook Stalk!

    1. Yup! Totally w/ u…
      Although, I’m moreso a loner, I think females have it worst if they do not have an outgoing personality…especially if ur attractive. :-\

  16. Is there going to be a Five Myths About Extroverts too?
    Most people think I'm an extrovert and for the most part I agree with them but I do feel like I relate to some of these. My hubs though. He's an introvert. And let me tell you he doesn't have game. He swears the game was to make me think he wasn't running game. Please. Me though? Game-tastic! lol

  17. Cool post. I have a question, why is it that Ques always have chicken at their events? Do y'all have meetings like, "Licks, check. Beer, check. Gold boots, check. But who getting the bucket of chicken?!" Just an observation, I always see one random Que with some chicken to share.

  18. 100% Agree!

    Why some people think that not being the loudest mouth in a room some how proves your shy and boring, is beyond me!

    In most cases, we dont need or even want to be the centre of attention.

  19. This post absolutely describes my bf, OMG! The only thing missing is his face somewhere in this post, lol. I have to send this link to him.

    I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert…but I took that whole "don't talk to strangers" speech way too seriously, lol. I'm not the most inviting extrovert in the world. But, once I relax a bit, its on and popping…which does not mean I'm loud and obnoxious! So, I'm with Krys…we need a "5 Myths About Extroverts" post as well, lol…

  20. As an INFP, I approve of this post! I'm a great listener so people just tell me all kinds of things! And its true, people don't know much about me because I don't like talking about myself 🙂 I do have fun at Que events though. I must say I've never met an unfriendly or quiet Que. The contrast works great for my personality. As a reserved AKA, they always make me feel welcome and I have a good time! Even without the purple juice. Shout out to Pi Chapter for having the best food at their Homecoming suite:)

  21. Good post Slim. Imo I consider myself mostly extrovert because I am a people person and enjoy being around people. It doesn't matter to me if the crowd is big or small it's all good. I'm also pretty out-going.
    I know many introverts and I agree with your statements. Honestly though u seem more extrovert. I would never think of you as introverted, plus I don't know one single introverted Omega man….lol Now if you were an Alpha then I would say ok I can see that, but Que's that I've known and been around are always loud and boisterous, moreso than any other frat.
    Even though I think I'm an extrovert I do enjoy my "me time" and solitude. I think I have some introvert tendencies sometimes…..lol

  22. Hmm.

    I have found, as a textbook introvert, that i can be extremely social, it just requires some conditions:

    1) DON'T expect me to be best friends with your friends at second one of our meeting. I probably need one or two minutes to observe & act accordingly. This was a HUGE point of contention with a gregarious ex of mine, he always thought I hated his hundreds of friends.

    2) Understand my battery has a time limit. There will be a point in the evening where I will shut down. I cannot help this. And if I force it, I WILL need to recharge by siting, alone, in a quiet room for a bit-and if I have worked a tradeshow, I might need that room to be dark, too.

    3)Know that yes, it may take some time for me to warm up to you, but it is worth it. <s>Because we all know introverts are the best chexers.</s>.

    1. "in a quiet room for a bit-and if I have worked a tradeshow, I might need that room to be dark, too."

      ya ever took a shower in the dark?

  23. ". Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
    Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

  24. "When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.
    Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
    Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population"
    Taken from gifted.com
    Based on this definition and description most folks are introverts.

  25. i'm far from an introvert but i also have no desire to meet new people in a crowded place where i can hardly hear what the other person is saying. the scenario you described happens to me a lot.

  26. To answer one of the questions posed I like dating introverts….I think it's the perfect balance when an introvert and extrovert are a couple. For me it's definitely a good balance. I'm typically drawn to people who stand out in a crowd simply because of their energy and the quiet charisma they exude.
    The loud, boisterous person thats the comedian and attention whore is noticed for obvious reasons, but it takes a hell of a person to get folks attention doing absolutely nothing but being themselves.

    1. "The loud, boisterous person thats the comedian and attention whore is noticed for obvious reasons, but it takes a hell of a person to get folks attention doing absolutely nothing but being themselves."

      True…well, that person can't be ugly by popular standards though. But I guess that's a given. Like mentioned upthread, decent looking introverts have a more challenging life.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

      1. True that….but sometimes introverts are those people who during conversations say practically nothing the entire time…just sit back observe and listen….and after doing that for a considerable amnt of time they say something fundamentally genius and that gets everyone's attention, regardless of what they look like.
        I am not sure if Whoopie Goldberg is an introvert but even if she were she has something beyond looks going for her.
        One person who was definitely an introvert and also shy and quiet was Michael Jackson, King of Pop.

        1. "but sometimes introverts are those people who during conversations say practically nothing the entire time…just sit back observe and listen….and after doing that for a considerable amnt of time they say something fundamentally genius and that gets everyone's attention, regardless of what they look like. '

          This is my life….I dont frequest FB that often but when I do post some idea or my daily brainfart of the day, its insane. It turns into this long ass conversation thats broken off into several sub convo's…its a mess..lol

  27. Based upon this, I think I’m dating an introvert & have generally only dated introverts but I just didn’t know. Lol, I think I expect introverts to look like Steve Urkel not Stefan Urchal (sp). I have introvert tendencies because there are times I like being alone but I get my energy from being around people. I like introverts because they’re smart and authentic. Also, we share similar interests like sci-fi, sports & yes, Game of Thrones lol. I like em 🙂

      1. *phew* So I'm not the only one who gets THEE most random ads when I come here. Other day I got an add for Mature Asian Dating….but I'm 26 and Black -__-

  28. Slim, i consider myself somewhat of an introvert. I sometimes feel like I’m a master manipulator . Do you ever experience that as well?

      1. With me its particularly in personal relationships. Its like when Slim mentioned how as an introvert you can magically extract information from folks while not revealing much about yourself. I've managed to master that feat. And it comes pretty natural to me but in some respects it can be viewed as being manipulative. Introverts are extremely observant, almost like we have a 3rd eye..lol

  29. Yes! And thank you!!! I'm an introvert- a very high introvert at that and I could not agree more. Most people who meet me don't believe that I'm pretty shy because I'm very social. But I agree 100% with this post. Lack of confidence and social skills are not synonymous with introversion at all! I can totally relate being in a sorority (AKA) to finding myself in a lot of social situations where I seem to fit in seamlessly. But for me, some days are better than others as far as my quota for that type of setting. Give me a game night or house party any day. Also, being that I'm an introvert and a counselor my M.O. has always been to draw information out of people, sometimes without even realizing I'm doing it, before revealing things about myself. This post was dead on and a really good read!

  30. This right here….That interaction you had was my life to the T last night. I'm a super introvert and totally agree with this post, especially the shyness part. I've always considered myself extremely observant and reserved as opposed to shy. I'm making a concious effort to branch out more, but i sometimes feel that I'm trying to hard to become an overnight extrovert. a post on how to go about that wold be great.

  31. This right here….That interaction you had was my life to the T last night. I'm a super introvert and totally agree with this post, especially the shyness part. I've always considered myself extremely observant and reserved as opposed to shy. Its easier to connect in smaller situations and i got game like MJ on the innawebs…lol I'm making a concious effort to branch out more, but i sometimes feel that I'm trying to hard to become an extrovert. a post on how to go about that wold be great.

  32. I am definitely an introvert. I always was and became even moreso because of because of religious norms that I was taught. Unlike your list though, I AM shy and I find it hard to relate to others. I think it’s because my hobbies/interests are “weird” to others.

  33. I'm introverted and awkward with a bit of shyness. lol!

    Small talk is the debil – it seems like meaningless chatter to me. Why folks feel the need to fill the day with constant talk is beyond me. There is wisdom in silence.


    1. LOL I'm introverted, awkward and shy too. I absolutely hate when people try to fill silence with their rambling. If I'm comfortable enough with another person, I'm very open about saying "it's okay not to talk"
      My recent post Me &amp; Other People

  34. Good Introvert List. I don't know what I am, I think it depends on the surroundings, my mood and the goal. If I am in a professional environment, promoting and selling product, I maybe more extroverted. Statistically I don't know that introverts love themselves anymore than the extroverts do.

    I think introverts and extroverts is more of a mood, than it is a personality trait….???

  35. Oh this was good! I'm an introvert/kinda shy/aloof person. But I'm a Leo, so I also don't mind being the center of attention…but only in situations that I can control, like if I throw a game night and play hostess or make a speech/presentation before a group. But put me in a room with strangers and expect me to make small talk?!? Aiieeeeee!!! Then it just becomes a mess of, "why yes it did rain today and water is wet." People who think I'm charming and personable and funny don't believe I'm shy, but I think if they retraced our first encounter they would probably realize that they approached first and I reacted.
    My recent post Unbelievable Fright

  36. I agree with all of this and think you hit it on the head! Especially the part about comfort vs. confidence, I am the life of the [house] party and super bubbly but if I don't know you or am out of my element I will stayinmylane.com…not anti-social just I need to know who I am dealing with by observation, as well as multiple meet-ups.

  37. I was shocked to learn that I was an introvert, and the person I was dating was an extrovert. I felt like it should have been the other way around. He appears more reserved, less chatty, and more of a homebody.
    I do thrive in smaller social settings, but I've always been considered a fun person to be around. I think the introvert in me comes out when I'm around people I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm shy, I just don't care for engaging in small talk and I don't like striking up conversations with people I don't know or really care to meet. I, too, had the same misconceptions about introverts. One thing I have been known to do (not sure about you other introverts) is, at times, avoiding talking to people that I DO know because I just don't feel like talking. Is that an introvert thing or is that just me? lol
    My recent post Lessons I Learned From “Boomerang”

      1. I'm like that with phone calls too!! I feel that the phone is for conveying information. If you're notorious for calling with nothing to say, your call will likely be ignored until I have time to sit on the phone and talk about nothing…which is never lol
        My recent post Lessons I Learned From “Boomerang”

  38. Yes, I completely agree with this! In high school. I hung out with a small group of friends, who usually were broke. 2 guys and 2 girls. Obviously, this end up with 2 couples, but that's really neither here or there. But, as I grew hanging with them cats for a year, I moved. When I moved, people didn't understand that I don't like settings with loud music and big crowds, despite me being in a world renowned band. Even in college, a lot of my friends don't understand why I'd rather chill in the dorm lobby rather than go to that big Que party or whatever. Of course, it definitely doesn't doesn't translate to females in my age group. But that doesn't really matter either, since I'm in a long distance relationship.

    But, people seem the think introverts are these socially rejected hermits. We're not, we just don't like being in situations that our uncomfortable. Like you said, people think we don't have game. However, I've charmed my way into may a girls hearts, even unknowingly, because I listened, and asked questions about them. I've almost ruined my own relationship because of it. It's not love at first site, it's more like a poison; we come in and gain your attraction over time.

  39. One thing I have noticed on the topic of personality, people don't seem to know that there is such a thing is AMBIVERSION. The general population fall into AMBIVERSION. then you have the outliers which are the moderate to extreme extroverts and introverts. Just had to say that cause I see people say things like "I am a bit of both"…no such thing…..Anyway I'm an introvert and this is definitely all true. I still get terribly nagged by my parents for not wanting to do "normal" things my peers do like spend the night away at nightclubs, flocking together and getting drunk and stuff, I'm more of the restaurant, theatre, movies type. Low key (They've even called a psychiatrist on me before, INTROVERSION IS NOT A MENTAL DISORDER). I know nothing but solitude, I do everything alone. I like things done on my own terms (Not in a selfish, inconsiderate way) I think introverts will forever be misunderstood, because at the end of the day the human norm is to be ambiverted.

  40. Finally, someone who understands me lol! Introverts get such a bad rep. I find that it's even harder being a woman, we are easily labeled as stuck up or "stank". I'm not quick to talk about my private life, and you'd be surprised how many people take offense to that. Even though I'm introverted I like to have fun, but I NEED my solitude at the end of the day. Most of my TRUE friends are introverts as well now that I think about it. Thanks for the post!

  41. I’m a day late, but helluva good read. I found myself agreeing with everything. It took me a while to understand that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Thinking back on growing up, we were usually told to watch out for the quiet folks because they could be the coolest, or most dangerous, depending on the situation. Being an introvert, I see why parents tell there kids this. Us folk see situations and people in a different way that helps us read a situation better, sometimes, than the loud mouthed folks.

    Is an extrovert post in the works?

  42. I say bollocks. Why? Cause I’m both. Sometime I’m an introvert, sometimes im an extrovert. I got phases. The introvert is a self centered anti social, boring, cranky, rude and dismissive person. The extovert is loud and obnoxious, but funny, engaging, thoughtful and more pleasant to be around. Ok, that’s just me. But check it. One thing I don’t like about introverts. Unless they are REALLY motivated to get in your pants, theyre not trying to include you in their introvert activities. They got their two or three friends and they dont GAF about hanging with you. Don’t matter if you get along famously and would make great friends. They dont want new friends. Period. So there’s pretty much no point in trying to strike up a friendship with one of them. Unless they are seriously pressed to get In your pants.

    1. We don't go out looking for new friends, but I don't think most introverts are averse to it. I got my core homies, but if I meet cool people and they also do things I'm interested in, I'll roll with them for outings, etc. The getting in the pants thing is hilarious. I feel like that's a lot of men in general.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

  43. As an extrovert, I thoroughly enjoy meeting new people and being surrounded with people who are having a good time. I guess you could say this charges my battery because my natural urge is to mingle. When I younger, you could find me at the party. As I got older, the scenes changed and became grown & sexy…sin loud noise

    Now, like a few other of my extrovert cousins mentioned, I need my space, too. There have been plenty a Friday night where I looked forward to my me time. Just because I'm an extrovert doesn't mean I'm out here on 100 all the time.

  44. This article describes me to a tee!!! I am an introvert married to an extrovert that comes from a big family of extroverts. When they get together trying to out joke and out yell each other I am sitting and taking the situation in. I am very sociable but I am not trying to be in the mix yelling along with everyone. I know my sister in laws felt I was siditty but they are getting to understand my personality. People take introverts to be sneaky, shy, bougie…etc.

  45. Im an extreme version of an introvert. I never seem to talk a lot according to most people. I never speak unless I know I can carry on the conversation in a helpful way. When I’m in my element, I can be the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room. Most people get shocked when that happens.

  46. Im an extreme version of an introvert. I never seem to talk a lot according to most people. I never speak unless I know I can carry on the conversation in a helpful way. When I’m in my element, I can be the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room. Most people get shocked when that happens.

  47. Im an extreme version of an introvert. I never seem to talk a lot according to most people. I never speak unless I know I can carry on the conversation in a helpful way. When I’m in my element, I can be the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room. Most people get shocked when that happens.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This