Home Dating & Relationships Dating Why Men Don’t Attend Anything That Smells Like a Singles Event

Why Men Don’t Attend Anything That Smells Like a Singles Event

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This ain't what it is fellas. This ain't what it is at all!

I’ve been contributing to SBM for about four years. In this time we’ve have many different events. We have sponsored speed dates, happy hours, round table forums, and various other shindigs all over the east coast. After these events conclude, women will approach us and give the same review: “This was an excellent event, but you NEED to bring more men next time!” At first, I would inform the ladies that we exhaust our resources to attempt to make the ratios more favorable to them, but after a while even I got frustrated. We hold these events and they end up looking like a young black professional women’s upscale version of a music video. I’m serious, it’s like a “Tip Drill” with couth and class, if you will. No matter how many pics we post or the word of mouth accolades from the men that attend our events, men are still apprehensive about showing up to these types of functions. Knowing that there was no simple answer, I employed the help of SBMs event evangelical, Slim Jackson, to dig deeper into this issue. Pause. Slim what saith ye?

Slim:

Man, it’s crazy and it’s frustrating. It’s crazy frustrating! I’ve lost sleep over this. Everyday I’m hustlin’. Everyday I’m hustling…to recruit men to support an event chock full of quality women. Doesn’t matter how I describe the function (By the way, are black people the only ones who call events functions?). The response is either a lie (No doubt. I’ll be there) or “Eh, I don’t know man. Sounds like some desperate sh*t.” What is desperate about coming out to talk to the opposite sex? How can that be any more desperate than hanging around the club at let out trying to score in the bottom of the ninth? F**k outta here wit that.

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But of course it’s not that simple. I’ve learned another reason men are reluctant to come out to these type of events:

Men Don’t Like Being Told How to Date

If you want to push an event with the purpose of single mingle, you can’t have any variation of the word “date” in the title. Men see that and they assume they’re gonna be pushed through some routine or awkward ice breaker, when they’d rather just be sipping, chilling, and hawking. Men want to express interest on their own terms, on their own time, without provocation. They don’t want to hear rules and procedures.

Dating events get a bad rap, except for the opportunistic reality shows. Everybody knows the Bachelor really isn’t on there to find love. He’s on there to make money. As for everything else, we get used to seeing images of the less than palatable, chattable, and savory trying these speed dating events in order to seek what they couldn’t find elsewhere. It’s not so much that men expect desperation as much as they expect the cream of the crop on whatever night they’re out. They don’t expect to find the cream of the crop at these events, so they miss out on some good corn (I know women aren’t corn).

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StreetZ:

Men are unable to take an event at face value

Whenever we’ve hosted events, the comments I get from some dudes are comical. They really believe that every event we throw is an undercover match.com ponzi scheme! It isn’t that serious fellas. Sometimes, a happy hour is just a happy hour. When we educate about sexual awareness, or engage on dating forums, we are looking to make our blog, and our brand, tangible. We are more than just six dudes who write good online. We like to provide outlets for social interaction in real life as well. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. As I explain to dudes we invite to our events ad nauseum, our events are an oasis. Whether you choose to quench your thirst, or remain parched, is up to you. We aren’t forcing or pressuring you to do anything. In high school, you could tell a dude “come to this event. They are usually dope and madd women will be there!”, and that’s all you needed! Now, I think that dudes kick excuses, don’t want to appear “thirsty”, and opt out of attending. If we threw wack events, I’d chill on any criticism, however, I see this trend everywhere else.

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This isn’t a plea for more men to attend our events. This is a realistic and observatory view of a problem that women would like to see rectified in the future. See fellas, they are ASKING for you to show! I always comment to Slim, Sprads, and Jay how I never knew this many single, beautiful, professional women existed in New York. Well, the law of averages would agree, but seeing is believing. I don’t know how that could turn off a heterosexual man from attending an event. Not to mention that our events are actually QUALITY events! Either way ladies, we tried.

Men, what makes you apprehensive about attending events sponsored by sites like ours? Ladies, what do you think would change the dynamic in your favor? What can we do (if anything) to make these events more enticing for men to attend?

Streetz | Slim Jackson

Comment(153)

  1. It's a man's world. Why do you have to go to a dating event when the world is ours? (This is sarcasm.)

    (Well, sort of.)

    I just don't think men think that's where they meet women. Men like to wait in the thick and then pounce. A dating event is like a level playing field. Also, I sent my boy to a speed dating event the other day and it was nothing but 35 and over women there. A lot of those events that say dating or singles usually only have older women there, or women who are struggling on the dating front. Nothing against the struggle, but if you're not a man who's struggling, I doubt you want to get on the struggle bus.

    1. I just don't think men think that's where they meet women. Men like to wait in the thick and then pounce. A dating event is like a level playing field.

      i think thats the crux of it right there really. men at dating events get exposed as the wallflowers a lot of dudes are. if you're in the club and don't holler there's a bunch of excuses. if you go to a dating event and don't and sit around the wall not talking to anybody you get exposed as the dude who has no game. lol. or ability to talk to anybody.

      1. Some women (like myself) are also uncomfortable with the idea of attending a "dating" event. Hopefully, the D.C. event is more of a happy hour because I would definitely like to come through since I haven't been to any SBM events.

        1. Take a personal day from work to go down to DC for a happy hour?!?!

          ……..I'll think about it.

        2. Hmm, I might pop in, incognegra and all, just to see what you people look like irl. But I won’t be looking for new cubs. I get them where I have the most advantage. Online. Lol.

        3. If you happen to see me, please pull me aside so that I can shake your hand. : ) I love your fearlessness.

      2. *pencils into calendar since I won't have the chirrens that weekend*

        Y'all punks won't wear name tags though so how would I find my SBM homeys??? LOL…

        1. Girl I had messed around a couple years ago when I JUST got engaged and went to an SBM event at Park. Me and my girls never made it past the outdoor patio. We had a great time but I wasn't bout to run up to every group of guys and be like Dr. J? Streetz? Is that you homie? Not to mention I was drunk about 20 minutes after we got there because my girls were buying shots.

        2. LOL…see thats that mess I'm talking 'bout!

          I ain't trying pull the men folk…I just wanna hang with the commentors/staff I enjoy chatting online with for a bit. Thats all. But I need to find 'em, lol…

      3. Don't get mad when I come to the bar with a double stoller, lol. J/K…unless you think I can get away with it. I'll try my best to make it.

  2. Man listen…..

    Women mess it up for themselves. They wanna invite their (female) cousin, sorority sisters, blood sisters, and a few women from their job.Then they wanna holler about a ratio. Men usually come to events by themselves or with one maaaaaybe two other dudes.

    B**** YOU are the one f***in up the ratio!!!

        1. Its a difference. I mean, if I told you there would be chicks at an event, and you were into chicks, and no one was forcing your hand at anything, whats the prob? lol

          I think Men overthink things a lot. my boys are guilty of this as well

    1. ehh, idk…..I've gone to a couple of their events dolo and done just fine. Even made a few friends *waves at Most*. All my friends have such crazy schedules (as I do) that sometimes we cant do those things together, and Im not gonna sit at home twiddling my thumbs because all of my other friends are busy. That said, maybe I'm the exception and not the rule….I'm just comfortable enough in my own skin to be confident that I'll strike up at least one interesting conversation.

      1. That's the point I'm trying to make, you are not going to complain about ratios AND men are more likely to approach you because you are by yourself.

  3. I think part of it is why do females attend "Singles" Events so much? I think part of it plays on the "roles" of dating with women being able to sit back and let things come to them.

    But as far as guys go. I think you spoke the truth. Guys don't like to be told how to date. Just let us do what we do outside of rules and we will always perform.
    My recent post InAnimateAlpha: Incoming niggerdom lol

  4. Well in Atlanta the ratio is already messed up. No matter WHERE you go there's always 50 women and 12 guys. FML! I think a fun way to shake up the ratio is to offer an incentive. Like —receive a dollar off for each single person of the opposite sex that you bring to the event. Not sure how all of that verbage would be graphically designed around the big booty naked chick on the flyer… but it could work *shoulder shrug* lol

  5. "Men, what makes you apprehensive about attending events sponsored by sites like ours?"

    maybe dudes don't want to be surrounded by women and their opinions, and feel like they have to defend the male gender from countless assaults upon the Death Star (sorry Star Wars was on)

    maybe not enough dudes know? have civic events (NAACP, NUL-YPs)/frats been told to come through?

    the last few events i thought were packed… *shrugs*

    1. "maybe dudes don't want to be surrounded by women and their opinions"

      I'm not sure why, but this made me laugh so hard! : ) I probably should be offended, but I'm not. : )

  6. I'd like to point out some things. From middle school we know, conversation with the opposite sex can go in various ways for the male fellows. We are not talkers which happens at these events. I mean we barely good on cell phone conversation (text me) let alone a social event. Also consider some brothers are just not socially up to par. Whether pertaining to dress, the ability to approach a lady, or even have five talking points.(every guy should have talking points to keep convo from flat-lining but also to get to what you want to know to proceed) But even pushing passed XY wiring we attend the event some joints (not sbm) go on FOREVER. And there is always that one lady who met the wrong fellow and came to shed. Event killers.

    Also we know what type of women are there. More than likely those who may not go for the "club" mating dance. Stepping the mental game up has caused many brethern to end up at the bottom of the ninth. Peep SBM crew, look how many brothas be at the club at the end of the night with the thirst in their eyes in comparison to the numbers of women at the events. I m sure there is a match some where.

    Attending all events

      1. your second hypothesis looks to be where I was going with it. And I would say more so conversationally. I mean fellas have the intellect but in correlating to social attributes like maneuvering conversation and just come with the chill and not the thirst. Hard call. Again we are not wired to communicate verbally all the time. And more often times than not events lead to an over extensive amount of that. I would definitely roll with other themed events involving open bar, food, sports, or money (no ponzi though- PrimAmerica, Meleluca etc)

  7. You can host themed happy hours that focus on other topics you have covered on the site.  

     For example you can host a networking event that focus on building connections  in the writing/ blogging/ Internet company/ social network field. Etc…

    Or during major sports seasons like basketball/ football you could have events/ functions based around those sports. That way you can build an appeal to a wider audience and hopefully meet more men to invite to your singles events. Then once you do throw the speed dating / singles events those people( men) who have attended the other pervious events might  be more willing to go since they’ve been to some of your other functions and had a good time.  

    1. I was just about to leave a similar comment. I'm not familiar with all of the type of events that SBM holds but I don't do happy hours/speed dating events in general. I figure there will just be a lot of people that I share little in common with… I prefer going to events that are very specific to my interests where there is no pressure or even insinuation about dating (and I don't mind going alone, so that helps a little with the ratio issue),
      My recent post Me & Other People

    2. I agree Smilez…..quickest and easiest way to get men to an event is make it free for them and advertise food and drinks (especially beer) and something pertaining to sports or a sports bar theme or big screen t.v.'s showing sports or ESPN or something men are interested in.
      Most men have no desire to sit around a bunch of women no matter how good they look and talk about feelings, relationships, why they cheat, why they don't call, etc etc etc…..I think the only way Mike Baisden gets so much male participation on his relationship DVD's is cause he probably pays them…and he has George stop random people on the street or just walks into a barbershop asking questions…..jmo

    3. Never been to an event, but this comment reminds me of a post a while back about how people go to professional networking events for dating purposes or whatever…. It definitely works.

  8. I've never attended any of your functions because I currently reside in LA, but these are the same reasons why I, too, avoid "singles" functions, so I totally get it.

    I've found that post-college, that it's a little more difficult to meet/date men of QUALITY (especially living in a city 2,000+ miles away from friends & family) that when an "event" comes up, the atmosphere inadvertently fills with the stench of the so-called "hidden agenda" that you speak of and it sucks donkey balls.

    I have no solution, just my 2 cents.

  9. Also use twitter to your advantage . Have a happy hour hash tag for your next event. Women will use the hash tag, men will click the hash tag/ retweets to see the Avi ‘s of the women who are attending. Gives the men a chance to see all the bait lined up. 

  10. It's sad in 2012 you have to find men to hit up a singles function haha. As VzzyScorpio stated, the mental dance is something that can be overbearing. You already know the women at these functions aren't your typical "pull em out the club" types. Women who attend these events actually want hold a descent convo with the opposite sex and/or find a man of value. Do men of value want to hold good convo and entertain the fact that you may be interested? From the sound of things the answer is no.
    Here is my theory family. Hear me out haha. The value of a woman "goodies" is low in 2012. I remember when my sister was coming up(she's 35 now), sex was something shared between two people who liked each other. You had to go together to get some in the 90's. Fast forward to today, it is givin away now. That in turn makes men of high value able to keep a team together with no problem. Why attend a function when you have a stable of five already? Thirsty women destroy the game for good women who are trying to find a high value man. Until men are ready to give the game up and chill with one, they will continue to keep the stable stocked.

    1. That being said. I still find it hard that brothas aren't showing up. If I was on the east coast, I would enjoy having convos with intelligent women regardless of if I am interested or not. Maybe that's just me.

      1. I definitely feel the same way. I am definitely interested in attending an event when one is held in the DC area. Potential Quality Black Women=Me Winning in my opinion. Definitely consider having an event in the DMV and I will definitely make sure to attend.

    2. "The value of a woman "goodies" is low in 2012. I remember when my sister was coming up(she's 35 now), sex was something shared between two people who liked each other. You had to go together to get some in the 90's. Fast forward to today, it is givin away now."

      My dude, this is all perspective. 100% perspective. I am a part of the same era and have known these so called wholesome women to give it up filthy! LOL
      My recent post I Got That Work: 4 Tips To Assist You On Your Job Hunt

      1. They been given it up filthy for decades man. Only difference is our generation talks about it in public more than previous generations.

        1. I agree with you and Streetz – freaks been around for a long time, it's just now they're not limited to coming out at night.

    3. "Women who attend these events actually want hold a descent convo with the opposite sex and/or find a man of value. Do men of value want to hold good convo and entertain the fact that you may be interested? From the sound of things the answer is no. "

      I agree with you… Women of value (WOV) are looking for men of value (MOV) but it may not be true in reverse. MOV dont seem to have a problem playing with those they may deem lower value. Also maybe these women appear to be more fun. IDK…

      Next time add a WOV twerking contest. IJS lol!

      1. Well, the values are different. If you're at least moderately attractive or have a decent figure you're going to get plenty of bum dudes around you regardless so finding a MOV, even just platonically, is going to mean more to you.

      2. I think that right there is the core of the problem…….this is what makes datin nowadays a pain in the azz…too many games. Damn near everybody and their mama got game, running game, and playin games. Some folks are serious but some folks have more game than Parker Bros.
        In some ways these "net-working events" and speed-dating events aren't much more than the days of old when folks went to the club. Real talk, most women went to clubs and any other places men frequented to pick up men in hopes of him being "the one." Most won't admit to this but it's the truth. Men went to the club to get some azz.

        1. Nowadays there aren't too many men who like to do the same type of social things that women do.
          If men want to socialize they hang out at the club, bar, lounge, happy hour, or whatever with their boys.
          Unlike women, men aren't gonna go to a concert wit their boys or a spoken word poetry set or whatever meet-up type of event. Even on meet-ups unless it's a club, lounge, bar or sporting event women almost always surpass men in attendance. Thats just the way it is.
          Plus if men think it's gonna be too much relationship type discussion and questions this is probably whats making them balk at events hosted by relationship bloggers. jmo.

  11. For me I would say its just weird. The feeling of going to a place with the only thought is me being rated and evaluated nonstop for relationship material just doesn't do it for me. I know going to a club, its sorta the same thing, but its more comfortable a setting. I could go and get a woman's phone number in the street pretty easily and would probably try to get a couple numbers if you guys had an event based on a forum or topic….but going with the sole purpose being my evaluation by large numbers of people….not my thing. But next time I'm in NYC and you guys have an event, I would probably go. It is difficult meeting women of great quality these days.

  12. I prefer not to go to single events, definitely not wih the purpose of meeting guys, the men act weird at those things lol. I hav never met a man at a single event, and I meet men all the time.

    For whatever reason, those things are not conducive to dating…. Ppl are way too self-conscious and on edge.

  13. I agree w/ what Smilez said though, maybe try different-themed events that aren't solely dedicated or revolve around relationships/sex. Or maybe do them on different days/times of the week, (ie: Sunday brunches or day parties in the summer). I follow Streetz on Twitter and noticed an event called Free Candy. When I clicked on the hashtag, I saw a variety of people tweeting about it but none of it was related to exclusively SBM or dating/relating. It was just people at an event having a great time.

    In my observations, people seem to gravitate to an event when there's not like a forced agenda or connotation to it. For SBM-sponsored events, it's about your brand and putting faces to gravatars, which us regular readers and commenters obviously understand. But for a guy that casually reads the site or sees the flyer, it may come across to them as a set-up.

    As far as why women attend them so much, I think once you have a brand/group of people that's known for producing quality events, women talk. That inevitably will lead to them telling a friend who will tell 4 more friends and so goes the numbers game.
    My recent post Steve Nash or Jason Kidd, Who Would You Take?

    1. whats good jwood,

      Yeah the Free Candy event is something I do separate from SBM,. Its a party. Our SBM events are actually the same way. You define the level of interaction that you have in these settings. It's interesting that you say it seems like a setup. What are we trying to setup? lol. We aren't in the love connection business, we look to expand our site past the intangible and give back. Networking is key, but we don't force you to do so.
      My recent post I Got That Work: 4 Tips To Assist You On Your Job Hunt

      1. I def agree w/ the individual will determine how they interact and engage in an event whether it's a happy hour, speed dating, panel, etc. But when I say set-up, I mean like a guy who gets invited to the event by word of mouth or seeing it via RT. If they don't really know the reach of your following or know any of you virtually, they might perceive the event as a conduit for match-making. I don't think the association has anything to do w/ SBM, it's just a built-in notion of the happy hour theme

        at the end of the day *antrel rolle voice* dudes just have to look at the event for what it is. True, you guys have a strong female following that come to the event looking for new suitors. But the thirst doesn't have to acted upon and really, what are guys losing by not going?
        My recent post NFL Schedule Dropped, Some 1st Impressions

        1. #1,

          LOL @ Antrel Rolle voice. son really says that 500 times a convo. He is mindful of it now

          #2

          "But the thirst doesn't have to acted upon and really, what are guys losing by not going? "

          You actually dont lose anything, same as if you miss a party. You know the potential for the pop factor of an event. Example, I flopped on the Grits N Biscuits event in NYC. I Knew I was missing a dope event, but it wont break my life! I can goto one next time. I go to events like that anyway. So in essense, you aren't losing anything, but the events are cool feel me?

  14. I have always hated these events. I've gone to a few, but my reaction is always the same. If the purpose of your event is some singles thingie, then am I some kind of a failure if I go there and don't get a number? Its like, you're forced into the small talk/bs conversations about "so, what do you do….oh, that sounds exciting…so, can I call you sometime". There's no real substance. If you're lucky you'll find somebody who you can connect with about something interesting like a book or a movie, but even then you can't converse with them because the purpose of the event isn't to converse, its to get numbers. So you meet somebody you think you connect with, get their number and move on. Then you call them up 2 days later only to find out that they were just runnin game.

    I'm more interested in things that are actually about something other than trying to force me to mingle. Like, a ball game, or a book club, even going to church has a purpose outside of hooking up. If I meet somebody there, then cool, but if not I can still enjoy myself without people looking at me weird for being anti-social.

  15. Bottom line is we not ready for relationships until we ready for relationships!

    Singles events are nothing but a precursor to a possibility of me meeting a woman > us kinda hitting it off > start dating > and never stop dating because im not ready for no relationship maaaan! Then whats the next step you ask? She's gonna gather with the rest of the single flock of women and have a Ninja ait ish party..same ol same ol….

  16. What happens if you do go to an event, make a connection date a while and it doesn't work? Or either party really dogs the other out? It then is going to make it uncomfortable to go to any other events, especially when you are trying to dodge them.

    1. The person might not show up to every singles event that SBM or any other host has. Just like anything else in life sometimes things don’t work out, just keep your head, sip your drink and act like nothing happened at all. (unless the person is just stalking you, then thats another issue)

  17. Hello SBM.org! I face the same dilemma. I host events that target singles. I call them events that create approachable opportunities which are events that encourage interaction through activities and discussions. I’ve been doing events now for over 2 years now and I realized early in the game that when you have the word single in your event title that you are not going to get the men to come out.

    My most successful event to date was a conversation party (Check this link to view the recap http://youtu.be/pfXGvWIOnzs). The event name was simply called that – The Conversation Party. It was a spin of what Hill Harper introduced in his book – The Conversation. Hill suggests that men and women come together to talk about relationship topics. For the event I planned we had a specific topic (Why men are not approaching the ladies/Why women are unapproachable) and also had a married couple there who did a live interview sharing their approaching story (Here is their story – http://youtu.be/0eXwF6Nsxq4). Some comments in the thread above mentioned having a theme or focus on topics and that is what we exactly what we did and do. Themes and topics work best and try to avoid the word “single” and “dating.”

    Also another tip is to restrict the amount of females that can go. Originally, I didn’t do that for the conversation party but once I saw that females were purchasing their tickets faster than then the males I quickly restricted the amount of females. The capacity of the venue was 50 so I restricted the amount of females to 25. A lot of females were disappointed that they were unable to go but I rather them be disappointed about not going then be disappointed that it’s 45 females to 5 males.

    I find that word of mouth works as well. After I saw that I didn’t have to advertise much to the females, I up my game to focusing on just advertising to males. I personally invited the males I knew and my female friends that were going did the same. These females that go to these single events must have male friends they can invite. Instead of complaining they should be apart of the solution and invite their male friends. Just because they don’t want them romantically doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t.

    Also giving the males an incentive to come is a good idea too. I believe someone else mentioned that in the thread above. Maybe a percentage off of their ticket. Maybe a two for one deal. Or even a chance to get a free ticket. I tried those tactics before as well and they seem to work.

    Event planners goals should be to make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible, create approachable opportunities and leave the linking up to guests.

    Check me out on twitter @approach2link where I tweet about the science of approachability & events that create approachable opportunities

  18. Tell you what…if it is what you say it is I'll be at the function in May. Of course I will not reveal my identity to anyone but will show up for this plethora of women you all are touting.

    I remember attending an event sponsored by another blog just to see what they hype was all about. I stayed about an hour…most of it was the hosts of the event chatting everyone up since they were the celebrities du jour. The ladies (in the majority like 18:4) sort of stayed corralled at their tables while the handful of dudes hovered the bar. That was about 4 years ago though…maybe the next time I'll actually speak to someone (forgive me, I'm an introvert and in my observation if I don't get a good vibe, I don't say shyt).

    I don't mind events like these but I'm a no pressure person when I'm out in public. You'd normally find me at the bar striking up conversation than working the room. I'm lazy like that.

    1. well i remember you at that event (if i can be presumptuous and assume you're talking about that first VSB happy hour we did) so i know who you are son. i'll out you!!! lol.

      sike nah.

      1. You wild Panama.
        Let me be incognegro bruh. I'll check ya'll at the next VSB joint though…this time I'll stick around longer.

  19. I am triflin' as hell. I work across the daggone street from the Empire Room and was like, "meh".

    Personally I just think the dudes believe all the ladies are there for Streetz, and decide it's not worth the struggle.
    On a random note, you may want to play with themes (like sports related events, where it's really more of a 'test' for women) and times. A friend of mine went to brunch at Pranna last week & apparently 4pm on a Saturday is a golden hour: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAYLZ2muDxA&fe
    Just scroll to 4:30. I just felt like sharing.

    1. "Personally I just think the dudes believe all the ladies are there for Streetz, and decide it's not worth the struggle."

      *TEARS*

      If the info on "Ask A Black Man" is accurate, the ladies need to let that dream go, LOL…

      1. "If the info on "Ask A Black Man" is accurate, the ladies need to let that dream go, LOL…"

        I was heartbroken at that info (not saying I had a chance or anything)…… and then he was promptly unfollowed on twitter.

        1. Laugh out loud!!!!!

          Unfollowed yo????? I guess you really were a bit mad, huh?! L.O.L!!!!

          I'll say this though…in the Devale vs Jeff debate, Jeff wins cause he has a genuine "I have no idea I'm that guy" thing going on. Humility is appealing to me in general. Devale has been told he's all that one too many times (with the LL lip licks…man, please! lol)…and auras like that are unattractive to me. *shrugs*

        2. If you haven't watched the episodes…do it, cause they're good.

          He didn't say anything bad per se…he just had an "I KNOW I'm all that and a bag of chips…you'd be blessed to breathe my air" type vibe about him, lol. "If my wife leaves, her bad…I'll just go bag me another dime piece…cause its that easy for me", LOL. If you're good being your own fan club, than my membership won't be appreciated. *shrugs*

          Watch it and come to your own conclusion. But that's def the conclusion I came to…

        3. Girl I had Devale figured out at the very beginning before he even opened his mouth. I'm talking about Streetz. What did he say that shattered dreams? I watched the short one but the extended one is acting funny on my comp.

        4. During the episode, you see his name, then read the label…

          You’ll get it then, lol…

          Its on his AABM profile page as well…

        5. Oh okay. Girl that went right over my head. I'm over here like wow he's 31. I thought he was younger.

        6. Cyn, you mean you don't LOOOOVE Mr. "When you think of black women, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? -Angry." or "Well, I used to play ball, soooo…." Devale? Wouldn't have thunk it 🙂

        7. HOLLERING INTERNALLY SO I WON'T GET FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          GIRL! I mean, what team did he play for? Pakistan?! I ain't never heard of yo, lol…

          Stand down, Sir, lol…let some air out…chill.

        8. LMBO @ Pakistan!!!!
          Between "If my wife leaves, her bad" Devale, "Bitter Good Man" Demetrius ("and I know that I know that I KNOW I'm a good man?" WTF???), & "FE-males wanna man that treats them like crap" Birchell I can't with that series.

        9. How you gonna talk about how fine he is when we're talking about his inflated sense of self, LOL?! Counter-productive…who's side are you on??? Don't fan the flame, Reecie! LMBO!

        10. Can someone explain the StreetzLove to me? I understand the #DimplesGame is real, but damn! Even the AABM cameraperson loved him, after a point they just started zooming in on the cheekz while other people were talking! It's like he's a vampire and just goes around glamouring people!!

          PS- I don't know nothin' y'all. I'm a #WIMGroupie. **runs**

        11. LOL…I've said too much on this topic as it is…

          I'm gonna quit while I can still talk myself out of this if I'm called on it, LOL!

        12. OK…it is on his "Ask A Black Man" profile, lol.

          Read the profile.

          AND LOOK AT TEF'S BABIES!!!! AWWWWW!!!!!

        13. LOL!

          That flavor of confidence is a bit too bitter for my taste. All except Lester seemed pretty confident to me…without the extraness that Devale gave off. Not saying he's a bad person though… I'm sure he's a working law abiding tax payer with friends and family that love him, lol

        14. Aww Tef's got the babies up! Dang these tiny avis but I can still make out their wittle fat cheeks…aww!

    2. " & apparently 4pm on a Saturday is a golden hour.."

      Where I live at they host a "Day Party" once a month from like 2:30-6pm and it's wildly popular and well attended. I have heard other day parties across the country have similar success.

  20. Eh…when I was single, the idea of knowingly being assessed/picked apart by a room full of people was not appealing to me. Now, I'll go to an event focused on something else other than dating…but speed dating or any other "shopping for potentials" event? Naw, lol.

    I prefer for things to happen organically as I'm just going about my life. *shrugs* I just don't see men as the "man, I really need a committment…let me go find one" type. Woman are about that life. Men? Not so much, lol. In my mind, for men…it happens when it happens.

    My suggestion would be to NEVER host an actual "mate shopping" event. Have an audience for your panel discussions with a reception at the end…prob draw LOTS and LOTS of people!

    1. i agree. i've never actually attended a dating event but i imagine that'd be mad unnecessary pressure. thing is, the men who have to get coached into approaching a woman, are usually the men who will go overlooked anyway by women that attend these events. lol. and the man who is the "catch" …doesn't have to attend these events to meet women.
      My recent post How Garlic Saved My Life (or just my hair)

  21. Here's my thing: Sometimes when we throw a happy hour, it's JUST a happy hour. I think people assume that its a speed dating or matchmaking event. We cant just call an event "n*ggas gettin up to drink" because, well that's not so elegant.

    Our events are always targeted. Our happy hours are to give our readers and community a chance to interact with us, and to come our have some drinks, hear some great music, and chill. If you can get a 1 night delight, find a spouse, orr exchange numbers with people in there, that's on YOU! Not really our "intention". You come out for enjoyment, networking, and interaction. All of these are options, not requirements. That's where I think people got it twisted.

    Having said all of that, we will be in DC May 18th. a Happy Hour. Not a Sadie Hawkins dance, a happy hour. Details forthcoming. Ladies, you already know. Men, if you like to have a great time, with non ignorant people, and see some eye candy, then join us.

    Don't understand the difficulty at all. lol.
    My recent post [VIDEO] – #MorningMotivation – Nas feat Jadakiss and Ludacris Made You Look Remix Live

    1. Yeah, I was about to comment on this, but I'm glad you addressed it. By viewling many of the comments it appears people assumed y'all be throwing matchmaker parties and the such, lol. I'm sitting here thinking, 'I coulda sworn they just do happy hour…but are addressing women's concerns on the ratio of said happy hour..' lol. I agree with you sir. You can only do so much.

  22. I've never been to an SBM event, living 1,000 miles away from the east coast and all, but are the ratios much different than the ratio of commenters here? It appears women appear far more likely to comment than men, and the one-time-unlurk-to-comment-back-to-lurking-again folks tend to be women as well.

  23. i don't like singles events. mainly because, if you're single, you go and are either going to get hounded, or have to deal with 15 other women all looking at the same one man. and if you're not single and go to support and socialize, you're the person who has to state your status when a man approaches you. if it's just a regular event, that pressure and awkwardness is eliminated. you can have a conversation without hope/expectations that it's going to lead somewhere naked. lol

    for men… i just think men don't go because they don't have to. living in NY has shown me just how easy it is for men in cities like this. it's like the dating world has been toppled upside down and all the women are trying to "land" a dude now! i never. lol. just… i never.
    My recent post How Garlic Saved My Life (or just my hair)

    1. cosign 200% Muze…..I can't say I never…..I did in college….lol But I share your sentiments of why singles events can become mundane because it's the same type thing just different people. Much like the club scene became mundane to me after so many years. I was soooooooo over it before I was even 25.
      Plus what women don't realize is no matter what u call the "event" when you advertise food, drinks and women a mans purpose in going not to find "wifey", whereas you have women (in the back of their mind) thinking they may find their next boyfriend/possible future husband/baby daddy.
      I also think men aren't as dumb as women think and they know this. They are well aware of a woman's purpose most times and if they are just tryna be "the one" for the nite and not for a lifetime they will see it as a waste of time.
      Plus the fact that many men don't want to get all dressed up unless it's for work or church or a funeral.

  24. Ohhh our need to have a reason, a purpose, a gimmick to gather amuses and slightly annoys me so. I think it was Panama Jackson who wrote a post on how our 2520 brethren just need a parking lot, a boom box and some Coronas to have a good time. Well maybe not Coronas. Anywho.

    I think women will always be more in abundance at these type of events because that's our nature. We are supporters, gatherers, and do thingers. Movie producers know this. Book publishers know this. Steve Harvey knows this. And on. Also, I think that men do have the advantage not just "numbers" wise, but in that they can approach a woman however and whenever – at the gas station, the club, on the street, the grocery store, etc. And it's because they don't have a stranger danger complex. Gavin de Becker, author of the Gift of Fear, said men's biggest fear is that women will laugh at them whereas women's biggest fear is that men will kill them. So with those two totally diverging viewpoints on the opposite sex and the dating "game", these events provide like a sense of comfort for women that maybe people who are in attendance will be like minded and not all the way crazy and it gives the illusion at least that finding someone there will be "safer".
    My recent post Unbelievable Fright

  25. I think y'all just need to include the old-fogie-yet-slightly-ratchet married folks like myself. We get the party started pressure free, we're REAL siced to be out of the house and are the most aggressively friendly people you will meet.

      1. If you mess up the Kid-N-Play I'll fight you on the dancefloor. It's 3 foot taps then the 4th foot tap is when you go all the way around.

        And I believe you requested pics of the babies….granted.

  26. Makes sense that less men are attending singles events than women. Women are eager for an opportunity to socialize and find Mr. Right. An event that puts single people on display seems like a good place to start. Men tend to be more laid back when it comes to finding relationships. We like to "discover" women and allow things to proceed at a pace that feels natural.

    Also when people think of Single/Speed dating events they imagine themselves being judged by multiple people they've never met. Change the name or the theme to something else, advertise drinks and people will show up and do their thing.

  27. I agree with the other commentors on having themed events. I tend to go to events that have a central focus, usually about social or political issues. There, you're more focused on the topic at hand than trying to impress the other people in the room. I like to meet people at volunteer activities as well. I like it when people are more natural, comfortable. Maybe it's the introvert in me *shout out to Slim*, but I like to observe people for a while and then talk to them. If you're at a happy hour, everyone is forced to mingle to find common ground.
    My recent post U + Ur Hand

    1. Word up to the shout out, but I don't think happy hours necessarily have to be. That makes it unhappy. I actually find it easier to talk to folks at happy hours because everybody really just wants to have a few drinks and have a good time. I just need my chair when I need my chair. That's all.lol
      My recent post Free Write Friday

    2. Justlissen I agree with volunteer activities…I've met great folks and made longtime great friends doin habitat for humanity.

  28. I really thought the next SBM event had my name all over it. Then I had to choose between the next SBM Event and Hawaii and welp…..I guess I'll see yall next time.

    However, WIM will be a one man army at the Essence Music Festival. You know, if anyone is going there… if not…that's cool…..#ForeverAlone

    On a serious note, and maybe it's because I'm staff, if I lived in NY/DMV, I'd attend every SBM event because I've heard nothing but good things from the fellas about the ratios (and the Facebook pics look right, too). I personally don't understand why any man would resist the opportunity to win, but I understand these 2012 men even less than I understand these 2012 women.

    My recent post How I Met Your Mother: I’ve spent the last 5 years trying to Inception your wife

  29. well i've been to a couple of sbm events/happy hours. i've always had a good time. good drinks, plenty of eye candy. walked away with a few numbers. met some cool people. win/win on my part.
    My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

  30. Can’t be there in DC, but any SBM gig (the Happy hours, Free CAndy I’ve been to) would be good looks fellas.
    Even if you’re a wallflower like me. Lol.
    That being said, I don’t go, seeking chicks, I’m just there to support, because I feel its importnt to support those that we feel are doing good…that and I go for any drink specials.

  31. My friend and I will be attending this event. I love going to networking events and meeting new people.

    By the way, I love this site! Keep up the great work!

  32. One theme suggestion I have is a game night. They had this at a club in Philly on Arch St. and it was mad fun and just as many men as women showed up and we all had a great time.
    All it was: a dj, and/or good music, some finger foods and light appetizers, drinks, and board games like Sorry, Monopoly, Jenga, Connect Four, Scrabble etc etc etc. You could also include playstation and Xbox or Wi since "big boys" like their playstations and Xboxes. I think that will be chill, fun, and no pressure of any heavy relationship/sex discussions. I think men would be highly likely to want to attend an event like this.
    Or if it's summertime have a super soaker wet t-shirt party wit free water-ice and pretzels…..lol

  33. I aint single but I be at all the events. Talking to women, maybe even buying them a drink. I try to be charming, and down to earth, while mentioning my degrees. Every once in awhile, I'll admit that I have many leather bound books and that my apt smells of rich mahogany. Panties drop when I tell em I know my dad and I like him, and my mom is my ace boon. Then when they expect me to ask for their number, I drop the girlfriend bomb. Because I am an a$$hole. mwahahahahahahahahaa

    jk jk

  34. "I think that dudes kick excuses, don’t want to appear “thirsty”, and opt out of attending. "

    I think because of the heightened awareness of 'thirst', it does discourage folk from attending things like these. But even the club/bar scene has changed & the ratio of women to men is largely dominated by women. Im talkin landslide victory (at least in my city). And the discussions Ive had with guys in my fam is that the label of 'thirst' is to blame. And who made that word fashionable?? Im pretty sure it wasnt guys. So now you see the bi-product of that label. Just another mechanism to create an even larger divide between the sexes. Smh. All we can do in the meantime is live by the 'hope creed' that Cedric the Entertainer talked about years ago & HOPE….that the 'thirst' fad label will pass sooner than later

    1. Thirst was initiated by dudes, at least in the cyber circles I've ran in. It was designed to call out simpish and desperate behavior but of course has been warped into meaning "showing you're interested." Someone needs to lay down the parameters of thirsty behavior labeling, on this I agree…

  35. You are on the right track by asking questions. Its always been and will be a problem, but gotta go to the source (the fellas) to figure out why. I’d also talk to other people, such as Paul Brunson. I went to his flow dating event in NYC last year (was going to replicated it in Toronto) and with hard work – the event was almost balanced. Still more women, but at least at any given point – most were coupled up in convo.

    Lastly, I’d like to point out the ironic that many men complain about x,y,z type of chick – and then avoid safe opportunities to meet the type that they supposedly want. No one is saying go if you aren’t ready for the potential outcomes – but don’t keep going to the same places and expecting different results.

    How to get people: free. Free drinks. Free food. Free gift. Something of value for free. Works every time.

    Ps: research fundraising and the 7 reasons why people give. Sounds like it might be irrelevant – but there are commonalities in why ppl will attend your event and why they give money to a charity.

    Good luck!

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