Home Featured Concession Stand: A Discussion On The Compromises Men Make In Relationships

Concession Stand: A Discussion On The Compromises Men Make In Relationships

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As I type this blog, looking for a great topic to discuss, my mind wandered, as usual. I thought about the plight of the single man, the man in a relationship, and the final frontier: marriage. I’ve thought about that day more times than I can count. Don’t believe me? It’s true! Ladies, if a man tells you that he’s never dreamt of being married, it’s a definite swindle.

When I think of any relationship, including marriage, the first word that comes to mind is compromise. Am I willing to concede certain aspects of my current life for the benefit of a union? What battles should I fight and is battling even worth the trouble? Will I look bad, or feel a way for the concessions that I make? Knowing that marriage and commitment scare men at some point in life, I thought to call upon “The Married Guy” Mr. Spradley to properly throw the CP3-esque lob to this blog and assist me accordingly. I’ll have him outline 4 compromises that men will almost always have to make in a serious relationship, and I’ll provide a rebuttal. So Most Sprads, what are some relationship concessions that must be made in order to keep a happy home?

Compromise #1: Accountability

The biggest, and most noticeable compromise one makes when you make the transition from being single to being married is accountability. As a single man, so much of your time is spent being accountable to yourself, and only yourself. If you decide to only change your bedsheets after relations, that’s your choice. Clean the bathroom once a month, your choice. Spend money irresponsibly, your choice. Once married, all of your decisions are made with someone else in mind. You have to consider your wife in nearly everything you say and do.

The flip side of that, is that you must also hold your wife accountable. Sometimes, that’s even more difficult that being accountable to her. Most men I know, like me, are generally laid back, not really interested in fighting or arguing. Generally speaking, we rate peace and quiet over everything, so if she’s done something that’s only slightly annoying we often let it go in favor of keeping the peace. Part of holding your wife accountable sometimes means sacrificing peace and quiet and having difficult conversations about things she’s doing that pique your anger or annoyance because not having those conversations in the moment often lead to huge disagreements further down the line. The thing you have to realize is that most likely, your wife is going to tell you about every single thing you do that annoys her. And as much as it sucks, her doing so will make you a better husband. If you want her to be a better wife, you’ve got to tell her where she’s falling short.

Do this enough in the first couple years of your marriage and you’ll eventually settle into a nice little groove where you’re consistently meeting each other’s needs and focusing on enjoying each other.

Streetz Rebuttal

 I think this is why a lot of guys are apprehensive and adverse to being in relationships. It’s difficult to be critiqued. It’s even more difficult to disturb that peace and quiet that you spoke about above. Peace of mind is very important to me, and like you, I am the type to pick and choose my battles. The key is in recognizing the value of the relationships, and doing what’s necessary to strengthen and enhance them.

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Compromise # 2: Free Time

When you’re married, you will not have the same kind of free time you had when you were single. But the truth is, it’s really not a bad thing. If you not only love your wife, but you also actually like her, spending a good portion of what used to be your free time with her is a good thing. One of the boundaries I try to maintain is the idea that “free time” doesn’t automatically mean “we time.” In most marriages, if she doesn’t have anything to do, and he doesn’t have anything to do, then by default, they have something to do. What that ends up creating is this expectation that all of your free time is to be spent with her. Where there are expectations, there is inevitably disappointment.

The way you overcome this is twofold. First, you have to create opportunities to spend quality time with your wife. Schedule dates, meet up with her for lunch, eat dinner in the dining room instead of in front of the television, just … do stuff … as often as possible. On the flipside, schedule time to hang out with your boys. Try to go out and do stuff with your friends once or twice a week from early on. Don’t just wait till stuff comes up with your friends, make stuff happen. Doing this from early on in your marriage will help create the expectation that free time doesn’t always mean “we” time and that will cause the two of you to not take each other’s presence for granted and appreciate the time you spend together that much more.

StreetZ Rebuttal

 I cherish that free time as much as anything in the world. The fallacy in free time, is that for the average person you have as much “down time” as “free time”. There is a difference. Free Time is time that you have to yourself to perform tasks that may or may not be associated with your significant other. Down Time is when you don’t have sh*t to do. I swindle myself into thinking that both are interchangeable. Dudes think that their time plummets into a bottomless vortex created by their wives the minute they take the vows. Reading your words, I see that it’s more important to establish a certain behaviour pattern prior to and at the onset of marriage. It’s also important to KNOW WHO YOU MARRY! Don’t be surprised if you marry a clingy woman and she gets even more possessive after marriage.

Compromise 3: The Television

If you’re a man who likes sports, you’re going to need two TVs. There’s no other way around it. A typical Sunday during the fall consists of church from 9am-11am, football from 11am-11pm and then SportsCenter 11pm till I start dosing off. I don’t care how big a football fan your wife is, she’s not trying to watch 12 straight hours of football every single week and it’s not really fair to expect her to. If you live in a smaller house or apartment when you’re starting out like most newly weds and the only legit spaces for a television are the living room and the bedroom, you’ll eventually run into the “tv in bedroom or no tv in the bedroom” discussion. This is one of those discussions where you have to put your foot down and win. You must win this. You need two tvs. Trust me. A DVR too. So clutch. The compromise here is that you let her use the big TV. Sometimes.

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StreetZ Rebuttal

 Let the church say AMEN! Two TVs will absolutely be the minimum. I can only imagine what the battles will look like regarding Video Games, lol. I hated fighting for the remote when we had one TV in the house. I don’t want to reenact a scene of Spartacus with the wife for TV rights. Concessions will have to be made, and I think all non-married men will have to accept that.

Compromise 4: Events

I struggle majorly with attending events I don’t really want to attend. If I don’t want to go, I just won’t go and I won’t feel bad about it–even if I don’t have anything else to do besides stay home and play Madden. The Mrs. on the other hand, she’s a really, really nice person. If you invite her to something and she doesn’t have anything else to do, she’s going to go. Most couples I know have this sort of dichotomy and you probably will too. You’re going to have to compromise. The problem most men fall into is that they start their marriage feeling obligated to go to every single event their wives tell them they’re invited to. They’re afraid to say no. If you do this, eventually your wife will start assuming that you’re going to everything. I did the opposite early on. I said no to everything. I wouldn’t suggest this, but I would suggest not being afraid to say no-often, even if it causes a bit of an argument those first couple years. It’s better for your wife to be surprised by you saying “yes” to attending something than it is for her to be surprised by you saying “no” to attending something.

StreetZ Rebuttal

 I’m surprised to hear you say that. I thought it would be bad to say no early and often, but I understand your logic. I think it should be important that your wife knows the type of guy that you are, and makes expectations based off of that. If she knows you abhor baby showers, then she shouldn’t be surprised if you say no. I will say that you should make a concerted effort to go to some things even if you’re not a fan. This, to me, is the quid pro quo part  of a marriage, or any relationship of merit.

A Few Random Thoughts On Why Compromising is Overrated

Relationship experts always tell you that compromising in marriage is important. And while it is, in some situations, in others, it’s actually unhealthy. Think of it like this:

Kevin and Keisha are heading to the movies. Kevin wants to see the latest big budget action adventure flick and has no interest in the latest period drama. Keisha wants to see the latest period drama and has no interest in the latest big budget action adventure flick. Kevin and Keisha compromise and end up going to see the latest romantic comedy.

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That’s the problem with always compromising. Sometimes compromising means both people win. Other times, compromising means both of you lose. In those situations it’s better for one person to let the other person have their way, trusting that eventually the roles will reverse. You never want the idea of compromising to become more important than selflessness. You want to get to the point where, if you’re stuck wanting to see two vastly different movies, you’re insisting that y’all go see the movie she wants to see and she’s insisting y’all go see the movie you want to see. When you’re fighting for it to be your turn to be selfless, your marriage is truly healthy.

StreetZ

Naturally, when the word compromise is mentioned, people think of it more as a concession than an agreement. No one wants to be a loser. No one wants to seem weak when debating a platform  or ideal for which they support. You just have to know when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em.

I think of compromise in relationships like a game of pickup basketball. When calls are made (foul, walk, etc.) they can severely slow the game down. Everyone wants to argue whether the call was right or wrong. You don’t have referees who make definitive decisions and keep the flow of the game consistent, so you can sit there and argue forever. When you inject testosterone and competition into the equation, you get a bunch of men who don’t want to look like a sucker, and want their calls upheld. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t that dude on many occasions, but I also want to continue playing. So, the suggestion is usually a) you shoot for it (if the guy makes a shot they get possession) or b) respect the call (even if it’s a BS call) and you “get the next one”.  This way, you can resolve the issue and get back to actually hoopin’.

These are easy solutions to end the conflict, but when someone is blinded by pride, they can’t see the forest from the trees. Sometimes in relationships, you have to be willing to “get the next call” and concede your point for the greater good. Marriage isn’t a utopia.Spradley and my other married friends remind me all the time. The lesson here is simple: Be realistic, be rational, and be consistent in all stages of the relationship life cycle.

Fellas, as you all look forward to marriage (or back on single life for the married dudes) what are some of the things you envision giving up? Where are some of the places you think you’ll have to sacrifice to make the marriage work? Are there any situations where compromising is not an option? When is it right to compromise and right to argue your point? What is the best tactic you use when you have a difference of opinion?

StreetZ  & Mr. Spradley

Comment(52)

  1. "It’s also important to KNOW WHO YOU MARRY!" yessir.

    Compromise is not meeting half way it really is "okay I'll do this, no we're not going to do that". The movie example is great because there is no happy median, someone has to give in at some point or you'll end up watching something neither of you cares about. I'll give in to seeing Think Like A Man, but no way I'm seeing anything with Medea in the title. pick your battles and be consistent. Before you get married you have to know what each other is into and what will fly, won't fly, and might fly.

    No baby showers, but we can go to that hair show. She's not going to the Baseball game, but she'll do WWE Summerslam. You two will never both like all the same things, if you do someone's lying, but eventually the compromises will lead to enjoying a lot of things you wouldn't before. That's the growth, and that's the key to keeping things solid… okay I'm done ranting, I have to go watch the Next Top Model she DVR'd.

  2. What are some of the things you envision giving up?
    Accountability. I am a last minute dude. Never make plans. If I get a whim to hit up San Antonio or Houston. I am on the road within two hours. If I decide to hit a certain spot up, I am ready within the hour. Having to "check in" with the wifey would be the toughest thing to give up. Of course it is wifey so I've known her for years, know how she is, what she expects, etc.

  3. Where are some of the places you think you’ll have to sacrifice to make the marriage work?
    Events. Is that a huge difference with men and women? I remember I got dragged to a baby shower on a Sunday. All the dudes had a look of despair. At least now with smart phones, you can keep up with the score. Dinner with the family, office parties, game night. Would be a bane in my side. But if that what she likes then I would have to sacrifice. Communication is key. I'll be up front and let her know to not expect me to be attached to her hip for everything she does outside the home.
    What is the best tactic you use when you have a difference of opinion?
    Just an explanation on how I feel about the subject. I will have an understanding woman. If I explain my point, and she is still adamant about it then maybe I'll cave in.

  4. Overall, compromise is a bad word to a selfish person. I'm loving being selfish right now and am not looking forward to compromising anytime soon. Funniest thing in the world to me is a man who doesn't want to be there. The look on their face haha. I feel bad for them dudes. Someday that will be me smh.

  5. Sidenote: i hate them ninjas that wanna call foul after they miss, or they make the shot for the call and say “the ball dont lie”, well ninja you do. But anyway…

    As far as compromises go, someone like me is always planning ahead. If i take an L its because i have my sights set on something higher (or i actually agree with you but i want you to think im sacrificing, of course for something else down the line) . So you may watch whatever buffoonery is on VH1 tonight because playoffs are starting. I’ll call out of work to spend the day with you today because i know i going out this weekend. Act like a man, think like an einstein lol

  6. On another note i be selfless as hell with dates whether its where to eat or pick a damn movie to watch (which never works because THEN women wanna act like they have no opinion on anything)

  7. i imagine when i finally settle down i'll be compromising on quite a bit. not so much in i'll giving up things i like to do but i'll also be adding things to my daily routine that i may not be so excited about. watching shows like basketball housewives and going shopping. i'll do it to make my wife happy but i know i sure wouldn't do it if i weren't married.

    the best tactic i use when there is a difference of opinion is to discuss things rationally. present the facts and proceed with the best possible course of action.
    My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

  8. Accountability is a huge ordeal! Being responsible and what not, it's just a challenge in and of itself. If you're going to take the plunge, just look at every challenge as a character strengthening tip. Look at it the wrong way, you'll be pining for the single life again.

  9. I like the set-up for this fellas. Personally, comprising is easy for me because I have a twin bro and I'm the oldest in the fam. But the TV thing is something I'll never budge on. I recently moved to Atl and my new apt has a loft. So I figure I'll throw a 32inch and a video game chair up there and make it my space. Leaving virtually the rest of the apt to my lady, which avoids any debating of what to watch and when.

    I also like "Don’t just wait till stuff comes up with your friends, make stuff happen." Some guys just aren't planners, so things come up when they come up. And if we aren't doing anything we're ghost. But there's some times (esp if you have other married friends), you have to be proactive on GChat and schedule something w/out the ladies

    And lastly, this kinda goes hand in hand w/ the Events thing, but I'll also throw in when to entertain people in your home. I read Most's e-book and it was funny (not ha ha) how the wife wanted to entertain another married couple, yet her husband wasn't really feeling it. He went through the motions to avoid conflict, even though the wife got an attitude anyway LOL But I think the "entertaining people in your home" should always be a discussion, not a notification. Women have the habit of inviting their friends or family members just off the strength that they love to entertain. But doing so is a team effort and some guys (like myself) don't like hosting people unless it's for a particular reason (IE: fight party, superbowl, etc)

    1 thing you guys didn't cover that I struggle w/ in my relationship is how do you recommend broaching the where to spend holidays conversation? Should you alternate year to year? Host holidays as a couple so it's neutral territory? Any suggestions
    My recent post Steve Francis Back? New Video “Finer Things”

    1. "ow do you recommend broaching the where to spend holidays conversation? Should you alternate year to year? Host holidays as a couple so it's neutral territory? Any suggestions"

      Excellent question. I'd like the married men's opinion on this one. I've been with my girl for three years, and we try to visit each of our relatives for at least a few minutes, but sometimes that just isn't practical.

      1. I'm not a man, but when my partner & I were together we used to do holidays at each others families houses separately, then meet up & hang together. He was in the mindset of "I see you everyday, I see my fam 3x a year" (he's English). After about three or four years of this, our families refused to let us do it anymore, arguing that it was time we made our own traditions as a family, just the two of us. So, we split the holidays. They don't do Thanksgiving in England (lol) so I got thanksgiving, he got christmas, and New years was always with his son so that was non-negotiable. I know this may sound cold, but I don't believe in even having the discussion unless this is a person you are lifetime serious about**shrug**.

  10. "Fellas, as you all look forward to marriage (or back on single life for the married dudes) what are some of the things you envision giving up?"

    I envision giving up group trips with my boys out of town whenever I want.

    "Are there any situations where compromising is not an option?"

    Probably the me time I get from going to the gym and working out. I'm to go workout regardless.

    "When is it right to compromise and right to argue your point?"
    When the issue isn't a real big deal to you I suppose after weighing the pros and cons.

    "What is the best tactic you use when you have a difference of opinion?"

    Use a reflective probe after hearing her opinion and bring up a situation in the past to suggest contradiction and/or hypocrisy and simply ask "what's the difference?"

  11. I know I'm interlopping in this convo, but guys really think like this? I'm not dragging you ANYWHERE you don't wanna go. I've seen those dudes with the look of dispair, & I'm not having a sulking baby by my side just because I need company. Sunday the entire HOUSE is yours to watch as many sports as you want. That's my beauty day. I'll make y'all some food, sit for a few, wave my pom-poms & I'm out. I hate shopping, I love action movies, & I don't really care about you going out with your friends as long as you NEVER complain about my mandatory date nite. **shrug**

    Otherwise, I am 100000% with this post. I am very interested to hear some of the fella's non-negotiables. 🙂

    1. Yeah, I feel you on this. I have no intention of hanging with a dude who doesn't want to be with me, around me, doing things with me, etc. If he acts like he doesn't want to be there, I'll save him the trouble and bounce myself. We must not be a match if all you think about in your life with me is what you'd be giving up. Just not my style.

      1. I specifically chose not to adress the fact that women make a LOT of concessions as well, many that they will never know about, as this is not the point. I will say that I appreciate a COMPLETE person, and have no qualms about us liking different things, as long as you make a committment to doing SOME things together, even if it initially out of your comfort zone. If you do everything together you will not grow as a person, and if you do everything apart you may find you have grown into two people you no longer know. It's about balance.

        1. Why does my mind go directly to sex on that one haha.You know you can get it anytime anywhere so I could imagine some of those nights you’re not feelin it. I’ve always kept my place clean, love to cook, my boys can never influence me(I’m my own person), and I don’t like clubs(prefer bars). I’ve never thought about your side(selfish), but speak on it for me. I’ve never been in a “real” relationship, so I’ve never had to deal with compromise.

        2. You know when I said you, it’s that hypothetical you or you as in you(wifey) can get it all day every day.

    2. "Sunday the entire HOUSE is yours to watch as many sports as you want. That's my beauty day. I'll make y'all some food, sit for a few, wave my pom-poms & I'm out. I hate shopping, I love action movies, & I don't really care about you going out with your friends as long as you NEVER complain about my mandatory date nite. **shrug** "

      Marry me? 🙂

      1. You see what just happened there, Amaris?

        You stated your "standard". Larry said to himself, "Works for me", stepped up to the plate and voila! A marriage proposal!

        Its just that simple, LMBO! j/k

        1. lol Ever since my youngest bro learned to make crêpes from scratch, he's been doing so almost every other day.

    3. "I know I'm interlopping in this convo, but guys really think like this? I'm not dragging you ANYWHERE you don't wanna go. "

      You'd be sooooo surprised.

      Guilt Trippin' is a real struggle.

    4. I TOTALLY agree with you on this!!! I WILL NEVER DRAG YOU ANYWHERE you dont want to go. What's the point of having a date night if only one of us is enjoying the date? Why oh why would i ask you to suffer through Sex and the City? Is that not what my girlfriends are for? Who invites a man to a baby shower, really? WTF

  12. Well, I hope and pray you don't think women aren't giving up or having to compromise ish. SMH, y'all act like it isn't the end of our world too! It's not like we aren't giving up our freedom and having to become even more responsible. Having to be a wife means ALWAYS having to look out for everyone's best interest over your own ALL THE TIME! When a man goes out and he looks a mess, the first thing another woman will say, he has a lazy wife. I know, I think it all the time. I gotta get up earlier to make your lunch for work and all. A wife's free time goes to cooking and cleaning, simply because most men aren't mindful of little things that go into maintaining a nice home. If you get 48 hours of a weekend, and you spend 25% of that time in front a tv…during that 12 hours, you're messing up dishes while I'm sweeping and ish.

  13. 1. Kill yaselves, when men marry, they get a maid, mother, lover, and backwatcher. Cut the pity routine talmbout, now I can't see the latest action movie. If you didn't do the [email protected] laundry, we watching the sappy one every effin time.

    2. If I made dinner 5 times this week and took one to the face, your free time is mine, and we are going out drinking and dancing. Don't gimme that.

    And anyway, I need a break from you too. When am I supposed to do my secret feminine maintenance stuff when you are always underfoot? Want to snuggle early Saturdays and I want to go to dawn yoga? Want that early morning chex and I need to go on this run? Think I don't compromise? SMH

    1. SMH, y'all act like it isn't the end of our world too! It's not like we aren't giving up our freedom and having to become even more responsible. Having to be a wife means ALWAYS having to look out for everyone's best interest over your own ALL THE TIME!

      I gotta get up earlier to make your lunch for work and all. A wife's free time goes to cooking and cleaning, simply because most men aren't mindful of little things that go into maintaining a nice home.

      Kill yaselves, when men marry, they get a maid, mother, lover, and backwatcher.

      If I made dinner 5 times this week and took one to the face, your free time is mine, and we are going out drinking and dancing. Don't gimme that.

      And anyway, I need a break from you too.

      Think I don't compromise? SMH

      Sounds like you and your man got personal things to work out.

      1. Nope, lol. I've been married almost 12 years now. I'm talking about how it's portrayed that a man loses so much by getting married, and seemingly don't realize how much a woman loses.

        And I agree, these things need to be worked out before getting married and ironed out in practice at the very beginning.

        Compromise can work for both of us, because truth be told, sometimes I don't mind swapping morning yoga for chex. Do a couple downward dogs, prolonged chair pose, and a headstand and call that workout complete!

    2. *Scans over post 3 more times to fine where it says women don't compromise or even implies such a thing….looking…looking…*

      Considering this blog is from the male perspective/point of view along with this topic I'm not sure where all the defensiveness is coming from. But, I'ma let you cook, though. I'm gonna go chill.

      1. *Looks at title" "Concession Stand: A Discussion On The Compromises Men Make In Relationships

        How does a topic that addresses just the male compenent of an equation equate to an automatic dismissal of the female side of things…

        I stay confused 🙁

        1. Larry the ladies got in their feelings because it seemed as if men were goin on and on about how much yall sacrifice and compromise and they are just happy as clams to be there and be married. There was no mention of the women giving up anything and compromising on anything.
          The discussion was strictly about men's compromises not, not women's and I understand that this is why women's compromises were not mention. I just wanted to clear up your confusion.
          You are absolutely right though.

        2. i understand this is a male perspective of things, but as a female reader, I'm offering my viewpoint of the same subject.

          i didn't know you'd view that as a crime or confusing in anyway. Pardon the intrusion LOL

        3. MJG: "i didn't know you'd view that as a crime or confusing in anyway. Pardon the intrusion LOL "

          Bree: "you know men can get dazed and confused easily sometimes…..lol

          It's not that. The post was about men's compromises and it wasn't hostile. By literal definition, compromise means both sides sacrifice, so obviously we're aware women sacrifice too.

          So when a post about men's sacrifices is responded to with "SMH", "Cut the pity routine", and "Kill yaselves", it's understandable that a person would ask, "you mad?"

  14. It's interesting to see what the guys expect they'll have to deal with when they get married or into a serious relationship. It's laughable. Some of you mentioned watching Tyler Perry movies and Housewives shows or attending baby showers!! Is that how you think it will be?? No wonder Men aren't running to the alter!!

    I don't make a habit of dragging my significant other anywhere he doesn't want to go. Besides, I don't watch TV, I like to go shopping BY MYSELF (not even with girlfriends), and I love football.

    I also have TONS of friends, so I have no problem giving my significant other the freedom to hang out with friends or by himself because I definitely will be hanging out with mine and I also enjoy ME time. Maybe this is an aspect of compatibility. You don't have to like to do ALL of the same things, but couples should enjoy MANY of the same activities or else it it will ALWAYS feel like you're compromising or becoming someone else just please the other person. Just some thoughts…
    My recent post Lessons I Learned From “Boomerang”

    1. Love the fact that you don’t watch T.V. I’m deployed right now so I haven’t watched in almost a year and do not want to go back. Sports and a little bit of news for me. I’m a student at home so free-time is studying, gym, COD, and scheming.

      A woman with her own identity is a huge plus. When your dealing with grown and sexy, that is normally not a problem. The under 23 ladies area another story. But your right. You should have some activities you enjoy together. That’s what you find out in the courting phase. If you are courting for 3-5 years, engaged for a year, lived together during that engagement, then there should really be now surprises. You know what your better half is into and what their turn-offs are. You may get into some battles on free time but the accountability and T.V. should never be a problem.

      Communcation, communication, communication.

  15. I thoroughly enjoyed this post and the comments. I'm not married, so I appreciate the insight and advice. I have lived with someone while in a long-term relationship though, so I understand about all the compromising and needing to have time to yourself.

    I love these posts geared toward men where I get to see how men view these situations. Part of why I love SBM.

  16. I didn't chime in earlier cuz the questions were geared towards the fellas, but I see some ladies butting in and shall follow suit.

    1. Streetz is absolutely right when he says that accountability is the main reason a lot of men are not eager to jump into relationships. This has been true of guys who liked me but were in a "not ready for a relationship" phase. Some are still there, but I'm glad to see that others have eased out of it and are currently involved in solid partnerships. I also agree with Most that both parties need to hold each other accountable; it simply cannot be a one-sided affair.

    2. Free Time/Down Time. I like the idea of actively scheduling dates with your partner & friends, but it truly depends on the personalities of those involved. Last person I dated pretty much wanted me around even when he was busy. He was fairly active with some personal work projects and networking, but wanted me to accompany him here & there. Lazy antisocial me was more interested in staying my behind at home with myself & I. I seem to have dated people who, like myself, didn't engage in consistent activities with friends, so we tended to spend most of our social time together. Free time has never always meant "we" time, though…. a lot of it has been "me" time – literally. But I'm a bit more dynamic now, so I'll just have to see how things go next time around.

    3. Ion't really watch tv, so he can knock himself out. As long as I have my laptop handy and he doesn't expect me to sit through countless hours of something that doesn't interest me, we're good. On the other hand, I get involved with whatever happens to be on fairly easily. That's how I end up intently watching cartoons when I'm around kids.

    4. I don't expect him to want to attend everything, but I will feel a certain way if he says no all the time – at any point. Don't be afraid to say no, but feel free not to be a stubborn ass about it. I'm a reasonable person, I won't expect him to accompany me to baby showers, other female-dominated spheres, or something he abhors unless there's a special reason. On the flip side, I will accompany him to events that do not necessarily interest me for the sake of being a united front.

    "The lesson here is simple: Be realistic, be rational, and be consistent in all stages of the relationship life cycle." – Yep.

  17. Streetz must be married. He hit the proverbial nails on the head with all of this. While it is tough to readjust the level of compromising after being selfess in the initial stages of marriage, it is necessary; especially for a man. Consistently acquiescing will do more harm than good, and make a man seem indecisive, as well as weak. The adjustment will be a bit tough for husband and wife, but both will actually benefit in the end.

    There won’t be as much pressure on a husband to do things he really doesn’t want to, and the wife can feel better about the same issues. Nothing is worse than two folks being passive-aggressive toward each other because one has an attitude about a choice they made to do something for their spouse, even if the former really doesn’t want to.

    1. "Streetz must be married."

      *sings* Maybe God is trying to tell you something right now, right now, right now… #colorpurple

      ***runs like Amaris*** LOL

  18. I agree with you guys, (including you Streetz).
    I would like to add my point of view on something not directly related to the post, but it is an observation.
    Mr. Spradley and all the SBM men yall are some really really good guys. Forreal. You guys all seem to be honest, sincere, kind, caring, respectful, educated with street and book smarts, spiritual, and most of all Mature Grown Azz Men. Unfortunately more and more I'm finding men like you guys to be the Exception, and not the rule. Men like you are far and few between…..which is also part of why so many women are single.
    You guys need to write a book with examples on what it means to be a Truly Mature Grown Azz Man.
    If more men were like you guys women would not complain half as much as they do. In fact they probably wouldn't have too much to complain about at all.
    I just want to say that I applaud all of you guys and have the utmost respect for you and I'm very proud to be a part of your "virtual family."

    Finis

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