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Two Women at the Same Time

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After writing about The Perfect Woman last week, it occurred to me that most women are unaware of the randomness that is the average man’s dating life. I’m not saying women’s dating lives aren’t random; other than the adventures of Single Sam, I honestly have no idea. However, seeing as how I’m a man, I figured I’d give some context on men’s dating lives. Feel free to explain women’s side in the comments. Maybe they’re more alike than different, but I doubt it.

If you read last week’s post, you’ll see a comment thread between myself and cynicaloptmst81. At one point during the discussion she made the following statement, “to think any and all women are pliable to the point that you can just make beauty happen with any one of us because we seem like the best you can get is just…silly.

On its face, this statement makes perfect sense but when you consider how men date, it does not. Let’s say I walk into an establishment and see two equally attractive women on opposite sides. I’m going to make a choice that really has no bearing on any one thing these women can do. I can’t see your personality and if I go left or right, I’m honestly not going to give too much more thought to the woman I never met. I can’t miss what I never had. Unless you believe in divine intervention, then you can just make beauty happen with any one of us.

Personality =/= Pretty

Last week I was also asked to clarify how men factor in personality with looks. Apparently, it’s different for women. To be clear, I’m not saying how men think is right. I’m only saying how men think is how men think. I’ll try to keep this brief.

Men are compartmental thinkers. We keep things in various “boxes” in our head. This includes looks and personality, but these are two completely different boxes. I might like a girl for her personality but I’m not going to marry her for it. I also might like a girl for her looks but I’m not going to marry her for it. In other words, if a girl has a great personality and is unattractive, she’s out the running. If a girl is fine but has a horrible personality, she is also out the running. Beyond that, the two have nothing to do with one another.

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A girl can still be FINE and have an UGLY personality because one has no bearing on the other. One describes outward appearance and the other describes internal. Unless you have the vision of Shallow Hal, one does not directly affect the other. For example, if a girl is FINE but an arrogant SOB, she’ll just be a FINE arrogant SOB.  The latter is a qualifier but not a modifier for the former. She’s STILL FINE, but her personality is UGLY. Her ugly personality doesn’t make her less fine. The only thing that will ever make her less fine is her becoming less attractive on the outside. Every time I see her, she will still be visually pleasing and it will simply suck that she is ugly on the inside.

How Men Date

Contrary to what some seem to believe, I don’t think men are dumb. Operating on this premise, I assume there is a perfectly logical reason – at least to that man in particular – justifying his actions, even if I don’t approve of the actions or the reasoning. Just because I disagree, doesn’t make him wrong. Take for example the decline of courting by men over the years. I do agree men have gotten pretty lazy, but I don’t think they’ve gotten lazy because they’re lazy. I think they’ve gotten lazy because they can. Clearly, if their laziness wasn’t meeting their needs, even if their needs are minimal, they would change.

For reference.

For instance, if a man sends you a text that says “sup?” I don’t think he’s doing so because he doesn’t have game, he’s too lazy to call, or on the extreme side, he is disrespecting you as a strong independent woman who deserves the finer things in life beyond that of a text message. I assume he’s doing so because obviously that has worked before – and will likely work again. If you like this man but dislike his lack of effort, I also believe this is a perfectly logical time to clearly convey your expectations to him instead of responding to his message without qualifiers and enabling his minimalist actions; thereby reinforcing his lack of courting for yourself and women in the future.

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Further, there is a certain level of randomness to how men date, because we traditionally approach women and most men aren’t dating specifically to find a wife. Men seek out women; they stumble on wives. Sometimes I’ll go months without obtaining a single phone number. Trust me, it’s not for lack of effort. Right when I’m on the verge of clinical depression I have a ‘hot streak.’ For no reason at all, I go out and I can’t get turned down for the life of me. It seems like every woman I approach wants to give me her number. I don’t know why. I have the same face. I’m usually wearing the relative same style of clothing. Most importantly, the type of women I’m approaching hasn’t changed, but similar to a basketball player who has a hot hand, I can’t miss. That’s the typical dating life of a man. Wins and losses. No more, no less. Men can’t get too hung up on their losses because they know (hope) another win streak is around the corner. At the same time, you can’t get arrogant because of your wins, since you know it’s very possible you can lose again in the future. That is, until you “retire” with one woman.

This doesn’t speak poorly on all the women he passed up (or never approached). Some of those women, regardless of their final status, are as worthy of being a wife as the next woman. I don’t want to take away from the woman that a man commits too because she is (hopefully) a great woman that he can see himself spending the rest of his life with. I’m only saying in most cases it seems he will run into her by chance. In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you arrive at your final destination, I’m not sure how important the path traveled to get there matters.

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To close, if you’re wondering why a man is putting in minimal effort in the beginning, it’s likely because he doesn’t know where you fall in his life, yet. As a man, you can’t invest all your energy in every single woman you encounter when you know 50% (or more) of those women will amount to nothing. After all, we only asked you for your phone number not your resume (or CatFax).

A more important filter is the fact that men know only one of those women will become his wife and quite frankly, we don’t know which one until we know which one. This is why men send out mass texts, lazy emails, don’t call or generally don’t put in much effort at all. I’m not saying women should stand for it, but if you expect a different action, you should lay out your expectations and see if he changes for you. Maybe he will or maybe he won’t. What is clear, as demonstrated by his actions, is that whatever he is or is not doing has worked with women in the past. If you choose to differentiate yourself, more power to you; I actually recommend you do because you’ll both know your place in each other’s life a lot quicker. However, to expect him to differentiate you because you know how awesome you are – when he doesn’t even know you at all – is a stretch to say the least.

1) Ladies, how does dating for women compare to what I’ve outlined for men here today? Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality? After last week’s post someone told me the following: Men choose, women settle. Is this true?

2) Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality? Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive? Is it true that men choose and women settle?


Editor’s Note: Check out RealMenDontGossip.com for details on my first $100 contest giveaway.

Comment(212)

  1. Easily the 7 with a great personality. A 7 to 9 isn't a big enough drop to give serious consideration to someone you love being around versus someone you're ambivalent towards. Maybe if you said 5 at the highest. I've never met someone who was attractive and their personality either made them more or less attractive. There are however non-physical things a woman can possess that make her more attractive to me like her voice or mannerisms.

    Men choose in the most literal sense in that more-often-than-not we talk to the women first. Most of us don't really walk around and select any woman we chose and bam she's "ours". People settle. Very rarely do two people (or a group if that's your thing) find everything they want in their partner(s). We make some, but hopefully not many, allowances to settle down happily.

    1. I get what WIM was going for but a 7 is pretty damn good on its own right…hell a 7 with an ok personality will stil get some consideration

    2. 7 to 9 is actually a big climb or drop depending on which way you going. Think about it this way, if a 10 is perfection, then a 9 is a slight, but unoticeable flaw. An 8, is a noticeable flaw, but you realize that everything else is cool. For example, Alicia Keys… her eyes are on their own volition but she's good money with most men. She's an 8.

      7s are the things men argue about for hours. Nobody argues over a 9. You don't hear anybody sitting around saying, "Halle Berry? I mean, she's okay." That's how you get kicked out the barbershop. Good example of a 7, Sharon Leal. Now you might be okay with Sharon Leal, but the difference between her and Halle Berry (all things considered in her prime, also known as, Swordfish Halle)…. BIG DIFFERENCE.

      And this is the harsh reality is that these guys are in the barbershop:

      Married Dude: My old lady ain't the prettiest, but I got over that because I just wanted a woman who held me down, 100%.
      Single Dudes: Word.
      Single Dudes (to themselves): That sound great in theory, but i'm going to trying my hand at finding a dimepiece who ain't got it all together, but I can rock out with that.
      Other Married Dude: My wife is bad, but she just a little off.
      Single Dudes: You ain't got to put up with that.
      Single Dudes (to themselves): You be straight tho, you get to have sex with her whenever you want.

      1. "7 to 9 is actually a big climb or drop depending on which way you going. Think about it this way, if a 10 is perfection, then a 9 is a slight, but unoticeable flaw. An 8, is a noticeable flaw, but you realize that everything else is cool. For example, Alicia Keys… her eyes are on their own volition but she's good money with most men. She's an 8. …7s are the things men argue about for hours. Nobody argues over a 9."

        Real talk, lol. I agree with this breakdown, lol.

      2. The way I think about it is a 7 and up is going to be attractive regardless of the situation. Whether they're sick or on a normal day. With and without make up. Whatever she's wearing. etc. etc. That's how I rationalize it.

        1. By that logic, the 10 might drop down to a 7/8 on her off days, with or without make up, just sayin… maybe you're looking for consistency. All good as well.

          Still can't believe J called Alicia Keys an 8 tho. lol
          My recent post RMDG: $100 Contest Giveaway

        2. I'm hearing that she's a 9. I just can't get down with that. I always felt like a lazy eye that just does what it wants is a turn off. I couldn't see myself getting past that. That's why I couldn't put her as a 10 or 9. And by definition, "An 8, is a noticeable flaw, but you realize that everything else is cool."

          That's Alicia.

        3. I can't believe it either Wis……Not only is Alicia Keyes beautiful and stacked she is very talented.
          I don't know of any women that can rock a piano like her and jam and sing all at the same time and she writes her own stuff and I like her acting too. I've seen her and John Legend in concert and she put on an awesome show.

        4. And u bring up another good point Wis….the women we see on t.v. and in magazines are airbrushed and made up with their hair done, nails done, erething did.
          Check em out as plain janes – no make-up no hair done and see if she is still a 8, 9 or 10.
          Besides liking Snooki cause she is short like me, I think she is very pretty without make-up. She has pics to prove it.

        1. The typecasting of Sharon Leal has completely ruined her for me. I am convinced that woman don't have sex and in my head, that's what keeps me from ever sweating her. The funny thing is I put her and Kerry Washington close in looks. But because Kerry is irresistibly sexy, she gets bumped to 8. And she's only an 8 and not a 9 cause her grill.

        2. shantel jackson (floyd's fiancee) is definitely a 10 in my book. based on looks though, kim k. is a 10 as well…

        1. Doc J at least Star Jones had a man and a husband which is more than a lot of women pretty, avg or ugly can say. Plus I'm sure Star Jones can get another man and husband if she really wants to….granted she may have to pay for him, but she can get him…..Money still talks.

  2. Okay, GREEEEAAAAT Post.

    I have a question:: Do women need to let the men they are dating know that they aren't meeting expectations before bouncing or do we just let it go and move on??

    I have/had a little fake boo-thing (He was too young-minded for me) and he just doesn't have a broad knowledge of the dating in the first plave. I also don't think he has a man in his life that he can get information. So is that apart of my responsibility? He likes me, but I'm not feeling him. But I could've if he'd done some things differently.

    Please lemme know!

    And::

    Men seek out women; The stumble on wives.

    Wow. That's so interesting. I have to chew on that one. I'm interested to read how people respond to that~

    Gracias 😉

    1. I have a question:: Do women need to let the men they are dating know that they aren't meeting expectations before bouncing or do we just let it go and move on??

      My response is two-fold: First, you don't owe anyone anything. Let's get that out the way.

      I generally only tell people why I'm leaving if I want to still be with them or if it's something they can change. No point in telling someone I'm leaving because "you're 5'3." That's a quality they cant change. If it's something they can work on to make us work or it might even make them a better partner in the future, I see no harm in telling them. This doesn't mean they'll take it very well or take it all but if they hear the same complaint enough times maybe they'll change…that's really not my burden to bear.

      My recent post The How to Guide to Sexting: Stop sending unsolicited photos of your junk

  3. I would rather date a man who makes $50K with a great personality. Money makes a person better financially, that's it. It's excruciating to be around a guy who has a dull personality. If a guy sends me a text messaging saying, "Sup", it tells me that he probably sends that text message to everyone. It also tells me he's not mature enough to not use text speak/slang.

  4. 2) Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality? Looks make a hell of a difference but I aim for longevity. I'll go with the 7 and a great personality….she could possible be a sexy 7, id be happy with that.

    Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive? Absolutely NOT. I heard Halle Berry crazy, but dammit id still hit! Horrible personality and all, im going INN.

    Is it true that men choose and women settle? Women settle when they hit a certain age and that clock starts tickin.

  5. I think women should date progressively better guys. I do think men choose and it's the result of them looking at a woman and seeing something worth imposing himself on her for. When a woman says yes she's accepting the station in his life he chose her for and develops from that point on around that guy. I think women settle for lower stations. I don't think dating is viewed as a learning experience to increase your value as a woman so that a guy will look at you and go…'hm. I wanna settle down with her.'

    Personally? Dating = prove to me you're a life partner in strength and versality otherwise I'm not budging. advance DENIED.

    1. 50k vs 250 = irrelevent.

      I'm an INFJ. I'm quirky and spaztic and hard to be around. My head is eternally in the clouds I wanna treasure hunt and tombraid and discover Atlantis. Travel to Rome and Africa and learn every culture and language and human history first hand. It's almost laughable when a guy approaches me unless in base form. Offer me yourself and who you are…..oh you think you can hang???? Challenge accepted.

      I've had really good guys choose me as a girlfriend and I didn't settle per se`. I toned it down to give em a chance but then a real man came along, clubbed me over the head and dragged me to his lair cavemen style. #settledownlittleone

      Personality is relevant, good looks are a bonus but If I can be overly everything, pms as a day job AND unload these kazillionare ideas running amuck…AND you enjoy me?! AND you deal with me like all this is easy. AND you STILL wanna have a family with me after all these experiences and funky transitions? I might settle down with the guy who chose me.

      I definitely will not settle though.

    2. I feel like this concept of "Dating = prove to me you're a life partner" is why men don't really like dating all that much. Can a date just be a date and we be cool with that? I feel like "Long term relationship = prove to me you're a life partner." Long term relationship means we been in a relationship for a while and don't nobody really want out anytime soon. That means we were talking, dating, messing, and then had a conversation about being in a relationship (and stop messing with udda women and ish).

      THEN…

      Like maybe 6-18 months later we're like, "Yo actually I feel like I might really want be with you long term."

      After that point, that's when folks got to start thinking about life partner viability.

      1. Women say "this is it"…men say "lets see where this goes"…

        Its a real problem. We are seriously on different chapters in the book with this. Ruins promising relationships every day…

      2. I was with my first boyfriend for eight years, my second for a couple years on and off between the first one, this current guy and I have been best friends for four years. Our relationships were as you described them I thought it WAS dating? Maybe “dating” is doing fun activities together for no apparent reason other than to feel a person out and if there's a consensus you start a relationship. THEN it's about courtship. I can see that.

        I skipped the dating phase. I guess for me I'm chosen for the station of 'significant other' so it's gone long-term relationship…sigfig…streeeeeetch na I wanna go explore the core of the earth. But if I ever grow up I'll def. think about you behaving as if you wanna marry me. I don't think guys date me. Guys observe me from the cut and think 'sigfig' but I definitely see what you're saying.

  6. I think its interesting to see that the option you gave men was to either date a 7 or a 9/10. If those are usually the ranking men pick from then it tells me that the quote about ugly girls is true. I say its interesting because if you sit in any highly populated area for long enough & just people watch, you’ll see that the average man isn’t with a 7 or higher. So in opposition to what you said, feel like personality and looks do frequently merge in considering the whole of a person.

    1. Lol that’s what I was thinking. I’d say if the average guy even has the option to date a 7 he’s doing pretty damn good lol

    2. I see your point but I think it's relative. Just because you can't get a 7 doesn't mean you dont know what a 7 looks like or a 9/10 for that matter. Relatively speaking, the scale is probably the same up and down. So if a man is use to dating 5s he need only adjust the scale down thus making it 5s compared to 7/8s. The whole discussion is subjective anyway, as everyone's 7 isn't equal nor is everyone's 9/10. To me a 7 = cute.

      My recent post The How to Guide to Sexting: Stop sending unsolicited photos of your junk

  7. Men choose, women settle. Is this true
    To an extent, yes. I think because the male approach is different, we will happily date until we find the one, while women be ready to tap out on after 2 failed relationships. Factor this in with the fact that men are aware of the growing surplus of good women out there while women think they at the bottom of the barrel of good men.

    Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality
    or a 9/10 with an ok personality?

    I’ve gone both routes, i’ll say i prefer the 7. The 9/10 is good for face(book) value, show everyone what I’m pulling even being fat,black, ugly as ever, but however i need someone to talk to, someone i can vibe with. The 7 is more ideal for someone like me, i’m more of a homebody so i need a girl i can chill with, be able to talk to about anything.

    Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?
    i dont think so, fine is fine. RE: Nicki Minaj shes attractive despite just about 94% of the things she says or does truly irritates me. On the other end of the spectrum if someone has a great outgoing personality but a face only a mother could love that doesnt take away from their great outgoing personality.

  8. 1) Ladies, how does dating for women compare to what I’ve outlined for men here today? Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality? After last week’s post someone told me the following: Men choose, women settle. Is this true?

    I’d say our dating is random to the extent that we have even less control over the men who approach us beyond giving off some vibe or the other. You have control over who you approach and we have control over who we select, but we’re both playing the lottery.

    I would rather date the man with the 50K, provided other things aside from personality also check out. We can have a comfortable enough life between both our incomes, neither of which will be static.

    Re: men choose and women settle. It really depends on how people view and play the game. Let’s take the job interview process, for example. The mistake most candidates make is not realizing that they should equally be interviewing the prospective employer to determine the extent to which they are compatible. Thus, they get nervous, give the employer too much power in the decision making process and accept jobs they will not like for far less pay than they deserve. If women are sitting there with the mindset of making do with whatever comes their way, then that’ll be their fate. There are women, however who play an active role in determining the kind of partner they end up with. If they do not like something, they will let it be known and changes will be made. These changes include saying good day if the other party is falling short of their expectations.

    In terms of the personality affecting looks phenomenon, I think the more appropriate word to use might be “appeal”. When I say that douchebags are not attractive to me, what I’m really referring to is level of appeal and lack of potential for chemistry. The reason why women and men are forever at odds is because the former are going with a holistic definition of which surface level physical appeal is merely a component, whereas the latter are using the base level definition of attractiveness. Going with the job analogy, it’s me saying that a 150K job offer is less attractive to me because they don’t offer certain perks, whereas a lot of others will say that it is an attractive offer regardless. A somewhat weaker analogy, but the idea is that attractiveness is subjectively defined, and both definitions are accommodated by the term’s formal one (see: “arousing interest or pleasure”).

    1. "The mistake most candidates make is not realizing that they should equally be interviewing the prospective employer to determine the extent to which they are compatible." So true, in dating and in actual interviewing. Cosign 1000% on this Naija.

  9. This is a very interesting question for me where i am in my life! I know a guy- so sweet he would rot your teeth, but he is boring. He has the right resources, but with regards to looks and his overlt timid personality- it would never work between us! I am interested in 1 thing at the moment: Dominating every sphere i am involved in ! Therefore adding a 6 0's on the left side of the decimal wouldnt help this situation.
    Ive never dated someone who was financially better than me, we are usually around the same level, (well i was in varsity back then- so our parents gave us around the same pocket money!!!)-All the guys have been fun though, crazy, radical and drama from here to China.I have good stories from the experiences!!
    With regards to women settling..i recently read Meagan Goode's story on how she met her fiance by choosing not to settle- regardless of how attractive the guy may have been and its an encouragement to me.

  10. (continuation)
    From what i see about her man- it was worth the wait!! I think women do settle and there is nothing with it as long as you dont settle on non- negotiables! There are Lusts and Musts.. He must be university educated as opposed to he must be able to sing like Robin Thicke. Stupid example- but the latter is definitely a lust- unless if you plan on having a family that sings christmas carols door to door.
    An ugly personality does not affect your phyisical attractiveness but it does make any dealings with you a bitter pill to swallow!!

  11. 50K with a great personality, no question. The seeking women and stumbling on wives is a true gem, sir.

  12. 1) You might be successful after a long losing streak because you appear less arrogant. It's not up to YOU to determine how you come off so you wouldn't even know that you were coming off that way when you were on your streak. Possible?

    2) If the man keeps texting because it works, wouldn't the same hold true for the ugly chick with the great personality and the pretty chick who is as interesting as white rice? Their personalities or lack there of have netted them something through the years. Therefore, they keep being who they've always been. But when it doesn't net them what they want, they make changes (i.e. chick who start wearing make-up, losing weight, reading books, etc.). If what you're doing works, you keep at it.

    I've always wondered about the types of women men are able to 'run'. To me, when I really look at those women, and the man, then men are always smarter. He could never 'run' women who meet him on confidence (not the image they portray but what they really think of themselves) and women who are just as, if not sought after more than him. I've been on both sides and the minute I became smart and confident, it was curtains for the dude because he wasn't smarter than me anymore. Shyt pissed him clean off!

  13. Sorry to be the voice of dissension but I would rather 250K with an ok personality, because the man making 50K as great as he may be may not want to be a stay-at-home dad because his wife is making 4-6x what he does. Since I have had experience with both I personally don't feel I have to be madly in love with my husband but as long as I have great respect for him, he is moral and a good dad/provider an ok personality seems like a fair way to "settle". The truth is now at 23 "boring personality" = stable, faithful, responsible

    1. If you continue putting out this message, you will have the people are Disney coming for you. This goes against all their romantic mind shaping fairy tales.

  14. *SCREAMING* (well on the inside so I don't alarm my coworkers)

    MY NAME IS IN THE POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does "get money" dance #KevinHart*

    Ok…I'm going to finish reading now…LMBO.

    #MadeMyDay

  15. I think the way you frame the discussion makes all the difference. Men choose and women settle? You could say that men choose and settle for what they can get. Not every woman they want will want them. Many men learn after trial and error to only “choose” what they think they can get. Rejection sucks, so they don’t try for the 9/10. Online claims aside, men settle for the best woman who will accept them. When men are ready to marry, they start looking for a wife.

    Women choose who they will give their number to,go out with, sleep with. If men are approaching, women are making weeding out choices. They settle for the best of the bunch. Men they could never get dont even become part of the bunch. So in a sense they are not settling.

    There is a lot of ego hype in these types of discussions. It’s usually men pretending they have the upper hand to cover up the pain of the rejection they feel. They project rejection of whole classes of women to make themselves feel better because one or two, or a whole bunch of women shot them down. They write about it and form it in terms of “what men think”. When its really about “I feel worthless, so I’m gonna try to make as many women feel worthless as possible.”.

    A lot of women take this at face value and feel rejected. They believe the hype. This leads to more Insecure women. Insecure women are easier for insecure men to deal with. So men keep projecting generalized rejection. But the truth of the matter is women are in charge. The vj is a magnetic force that makes the world go round. Ego hype aside, men need access to it more than women need relationships.

    1. "Insecure women are easier for insecure men to deal with."

      Oh so you're in the paint today! Men can only manage women who are beneath them–or feel they are beneath them. By 'beneath' I mean women who aren't as smart, confident, or sought after. When these men come across a woman who is 'time enough' for them they are either fascinated (which usually leads to him attempting to bring her down a peg, but ends in low-key stalking because he usually can't get her) or scared (which ends in him scurrying off back to women easily manipulated and fuel for his weak ego).

    2. Standing ovation. One psych prof told us that men are more prone to anger (projecting their insecurities out on others) and women are prone to depression (projecting their insecurities out on themselves). In my "social circle" 9/10s are with middle aged millionaires taking weekend trips to Paris but I guess everyones' metric varies. So as you said men pulling "their personal best" is a 10 to them but she may have an absolute value of 6.

      1. It's funny in an ironic way, Russell Simmons is a prime example of this mindset. He said himself, because he is so insecure, he only deals with beautiful women ie all the women he has ever dated, (besides highschool if he actually dated) have been pro runway models. Go figure.

    3. I agree with you in a sense about the projecting. When I hear stuff like "men choose, women settle" or "men get away with what you let them get away with" type ideas, it seems like nxggas is forcing it.

      For example, it's not that serious if a dude does text me "sup?" I actually don't always assume that he sent that in a mass text or whatever, cause a lot of dudes simply aren't getting it like that EVEN if they are significantly attractive. For my generation, it's sometimes better if a guy initiates with a text like that cause whatever: that's what he's comfortable doing, or he doesn't want to seem too thirsty or that's just the dude's swag. If that's your reason, then that's fine. You're just doing you. And I think that's a lot of dudes' reasons for doing that lazy shit (or alternatively yes, it's because they have no game) Now the guy that tells me he does that because I (or girls in general) didn't make my expectations or standards for how he should approach me higher or some bull like that–that dude–that's a nxgga I wouldn't fxck with. #NOSHADE meant @ Wis & others who feel the same way but seriously just be cool liiiike!!!

  16. I'd like to sit here and tell you that I would take the 6/7 with a great personality over the 9/10 with a great personality, but I would just be flat out lying to you. I'm being 100% honest. I know plenty of women with great personalities who are single, like really single. They got male friends for days, but not one of those male friends would consider dating them because that's just not going to do it for them. I know 9/10s who are in relationships and they are dull, deaf-mute, damaged, batsh*t, and the whole gambit. Men will put up with that if they think they're lady is tough.

    Best analogy I can give is cars. A dude will rock out with an S550 if he can and know that the gas in that joint, insurance and maintenance is expensive as hell and a pain in the ass. He'll do that before he rocks out with a Camry, that's reliable as hell and gets him where he wanna be with no real mechanical issues.

    I don't know, like I said, I would love to say I would, but i'm a nigra. I'm likely to still try and pull a dime and come to a compromise on her personality. And then be an extra nigra and tell myself, "If she act crazy, i'll just get her pregnant, then we be stuck with each other forever, but that's my baby mama!"

    Nah all jokes aside though… I think men gonna keep trying for a 9/10 until they exhaust all possibilities and then they'll settle for something lower. For me, I like to think that if I put my mind to something, it's gonna come to me. So i'm just going to keep trying for that 10 and hope she's cool as hell.

    1. I don't know, like I said, I would love to say I would, but i'm a nigra. I'm likely to still try and pull a dime and come to a compromise on her personality. And then be an extra nigra and tell myself, "If she act crazy, i'll just get her pregnant, then we be stuck with each other forever, but that's my baby mama!"

      *dead*
      My recent post Getting outside the comfort zone

    2. Doc J now thats keepin it 100
      And forreal forreal there is nothing wrong wit that. We all want the best life has to offer, and every chance we can get it we will take it. Human Nature.

    3. Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality?

      "I don't know, like I said, I would love to say I would, but I'm a nigra. I'm likely to still try and pull a dime and come to a compromise on her personality." ~Dr. J

      I read that and immediately thought about this tweet that you posted back in March……
      "Why would you be with a stank ass personality? Or a girl with no type of personality? You can't fix that."

      Just thought it was interesting….. 🙂

  17. A 7 with great personality vs. a 9/10 with a bad one? Given that choice, I'd go with the 7. Hell, I'm searching for a 6 with a great personality, or at least enough personality to tell me to stop referring to her looks on a numerical scale. Like Jules Winfield said, "Personality goes a long way."

  18. Also, I find the whole idea of settling dumb. I mean, as if you could ever get the ideal man or woman. You always settle. Every. Single. Time. The person has some flaws, they can’t give you everything you want. You trade some things for other things. Thats life in the real world. Not this fake ideal world.

  19. 1) Ladies, how does dating for women compare to what I’ve outlined for men here today? Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality? After last week’s post someone told me the following: Men choose, women settle. Is this true?

    The men will make this choice for me. Simply put, the $50K wouldn't approach me. It's more likely that the $100K+ type would because with his money comes confidence and he feels he can compete with other men at his level to get me. That's not to say that on the occasion that the $50K dude approached me, I didn't date him. But the older I get, the less likely I am around men who make $50K so…

    1. lol. You ever see dudes visibly too shaken to approach you but you can also tell if you winked it'd start a small stampede. It's kinda nice to have the “….don't even bother” aura but I kinda like a guy who approaches with an ego about who he is. I don't like it to come from money I want him to be like, what are you talking about I was born on cloud nine right next to you. *scoff* I feel good about myself and giggly like I've found a playmate. The few instances I'm in the real world it's about earning potential.

      Someone making 250 is comfortable and set in their ways and in their lifestyle and has no reason to grow beyond that. A 50k dude, with the right internal makeup, can become a kazillionaire just being able to stand me venting about ideas. Let ME put you on to 250k and then quadruple it and so forth and so on. That way I can still color and dream about being a Mythological Archeologist AND I have a versatile partner to go through life transitions with.

      Start broke with humility and confidence > being semi rich and confident BECAUSE of the mighty dollar. You have a cap. Who are you with no money?

      1. "You ever see dudes visibly too shaken to approach you but you can also tell if you winked it'd start a small stampede."

        Nope because I don't look. I'm aloof in social situations.

        "I don't like it to come from money I want him to be like, what are you talking about I was born on cloud nine right next to you. *scoff* I feel good about myself and giggly like I've found a playmate."

        That would be great if it was the norm. The reason men achieve is to have things that speak for them. In other words, nice things make them look like better providers. Better providers get access to the best wombs for breeding. It's science.

        "A 50k dude, with the right internal makeup, can become a kazillionaire just being able to stand me venting about ideas."

        If a dude is cool with $50K, I am not here to adjust his ambitions. We're both grown. If he doesn't want more and he's in my dating pool, we aren't a good match.

        "Who are you with no money? "

        Someone who should be with someone who has limited interest in the things money can buy.

        1. "I'm aloof in social situations."

          I'm aloof in the world. In terms of what's expected of me in society I'm very disinterested of having to conform to a standard or a way of life. I like to explore and learn which makes me interested in people on the global scope of human development and history. I'm naive as to social customs in a normal or standard setting but I'm cognizent and aware enough of my surroundings to people read. Never aloof. A female around a group of dudes not knowing what they're doing? Sounds iffy to me either way you look at it.

          "Better providers get access to best wombs for breeding"

          True. I agree with that I would just prefer to meet a guy when he has nothing and then have him develop into wealth as our relationship progresses; that way I can see he provides for ME. I don't really like being put in a position where a guy has it all and can potentially rotate me out for another woman. There's no bond there. Just the security of money….which isn't even that secure nowadays.

        2. "….I'm not going to adjust his ambitions."

          That's why I initially said I don't base things off money. I base it off who a guy is. I wanna dream without limits and be myself without limits and show possibilities because I have a busy mind and it's quite easy for me to take a grain of sand and learn how to turn it into a precious stone. It's not adjusting ambition to me it's showing someone what's possible and knowing they're able to make it a reality. Here's the vision. Guy knows he can do it. Has nothing to do with salary.

          "Someone who should be someone…"

          He has no idea who he is and I would not be with a dude sobbing over his loss of dollars and has no idea that isn't what creates the man in the first place. A man should be able to stand no money no nothing and still know he is a man because he can create for HIS woman. A man should not accrue general stuff and base his confidence on those THINGS and say 'I am a man because A woman would like these GENERAL things'. No…actually. I don't. But great job!

        3. All in all I wanna bond with a man and start something amazing from the ground up. The sensuality of it, the bond, the emotion and know that our possibilities in life and in the world are limitless. That's all I'm saying and in that setting who a man is > what a man has.

        4. ". A man should be able to stand no money no nothing and still know he is a man because he can create for HIS woman. A man should not accrue general stuff and base his confidence on those THINGS and say 'I am a man because A woman would like these GENERAL things'. No…actually. I don't. But great job!"

          There are a whole lot of 'shoulds' in that statement. A man who is in my age range who is below average, or even average, is well aware of what is out there for him. He's chosen not to strive for those things. And that's cool. I won't be banging my head telling Ray-Ray instead of being on fries at McD's he should be striving to own a few McD's. he's been on this Earth just as long as me. If he's over 30 and doesn't get it, too bad.

        5. "There are a whole lot of 'shoulds' in that statement"

          Agreed. It's a personal theory for me. That's how I perceive a man to be; my ideal of who a man is. I've heard stories of it happening like I've read up on billionaires and even celebrities start from pretty much nothing and make something of a good thing so in my mind, I like to do all this adventurist stuff and I have all these ideas of what I wanna make of myself and of the world and I would think a man for me would be someone who, in and of himself knows he can ride with me to some impossible dream I have in the clouds of my headspace. That's why there's a lot of shoulds. And it's a lot of "uuuums" too but hey, it's worth a try to me. Some people just need exposure to something different and nurtured as they blossom and develop. Youth. At thirty. *shrug* At MY age though? It's worth the time even if there is a certain atmosphere of uncertainty. Trust develops overtime it's part of the bonding process.

  20. I'd like to share this: …a man over 40 is almost six times as likely as a man under 30 to father an autistic child. Since then, research has shown that a man's chances of fathering offspring with schizophrenia double when he hits 40 and triple at age 50. The incidence of bipolarity, epilepsy, prostate cancer and breast cancer also increases in children born to men approaching 40. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303

    And this: When analyzing the black women who are 35 and older, the percent who have never been married drops to 25 percent, indicating that a solid majority of black women get married before they turn 35. http://www.empowernewsmag.com/listings.php?articl

    Brothers have ticking clocks, too, and sisters are getting married.
    My recent post Getting outside the comfort zone

    1. I would take that article with a grain of salt. It was faulty logic. It's already been widely researched and accepted that the age of woman factors into autism and defects related to pregnancy and birth. This article didn't even take into consideration the age of the women the men was having children with.

    2. One would think the only word men know to describe something is 'logic' even when the word doesn't fit.

  21. First off, I think Men are extremely forgiving when it comes to their own numbers, lol. How are you gonna poopoo your own number? The least a man or woman should accept is your own number. Refusing to accept your own number is the equivalent of self-hate to me. Thats SCREAMS insecure…"I need this 10 to make me feel better about myself", LOL! How you gonna be a 7 turning your nose up to 7's?! LMBO! …type crazy mess is that?!

    Great personality for the win! For as long as we at least match (looks wise) and we're vibing, I'll sign up to further investigate our "good-to-go-ness", lol.

    1. I think everyone settles in one way or another. I think Naija's comment's were perfect so I'll plop that in here: "The mistake most candidates make is not realizing that they should equally be interviewing the prospective employer to determine the extent to which they are compatible. Thus, they get nervous, give the employer too much power in the decision making process and accept jobs they will not like for far less pay than they deserve. If women are sitting there with the mindset of making do with whatever comes their way, then that'll be their fate. There are women, however who play an active role in determining the kind of partner they end up with. If they do not like something, they will let it be known and changes will be made. These changes include saying good day if the other party is falling short of their expectations."

  22. I would take the 250k with the ok personality…primarily because "ok" is subjective since there wasn't a formal definition. LOL My "ok" definition would work just fine for me. Don't judge me. haaaaaaaa

    I believe the only people that settle be it male or female…are those that haven't truly recognized their own worth.

    A bad personality definitely makes a person literally unattractive to me. Completely turns me off.

  23. Ima keep it onehunned (in my RayJ voice) I would rather date a man who makes $250K with an ok personality. If we are just dating it means we are having fun, getting to know one another, no "high" expectations, and YESSSS I like that his money is longer, it just means options.

    I mean Im an ok dancer, Im ok at playing certain sports, so I think that ok is just that okay. I understand it is not always about the money but I do like it and I am not afraid to admit it. I can go to Chick-fil-a just as quick as I can go to Che Antoines. If were vibing its all good. This was a great post! I love learning about men.

  24. so u say guys get into that lazy effortless habit…because they have pulled it off in the past..why as a woman should i make an effort to some who is effortless? doesn't that mean i am settling?

  25. "I agree with the second part and add this:-
    Making "beauty happen" is a decision we (men) make to deal with whatever good and bad qualities we find in you (women). It's a decision to live with and compromise on what we find, as long as we subjectively find value in the woman. So… men can make beauty happen with any woman as long as we have justified it to ourselves that the woman is worth it.
    BTW, the best we can get is also a subjective opinion based on trade-offs on more than just looks."
    This is the opinion of one of my guy friends. I agree with all of this.

    1. This was in response to this comment.
      If you read last week’s post, you’ll see a comment thread between myself and cynicaloptmst81. At one point during the discussion she made the following statement, “to think any and all women are pliable to the point that you can just make beauty happen with any one of us because we seem like the best you can get is just…silly.”
      "On its face, this statement makes perfect sense but when you consider how men date, it does not. Let’s say I walk into an establishment and see two equally attractive women on opposite sides. I’m going to make a choice that really has no bearing on any one thing these women can do. I can’t see your personality and if I go left or right, I’m honestly not going to give too much more thought to the woman I never met. I can’t miss what I never had. Unless you believe in divine intervention, then you can just make beauty happen with any one of us."

  26. "I do agree men have gotten pretty lazy, but I don’t think they’ve gotten lazy because they’re lazy. I think they’ve gotten lazy because they can. Clearly, if their laziness wasn’t meeting their needs, even if their needs are minimal, they would change."
    Wis this statement I half disagree with. Some men will change, however, some men will simply adapt, and keep it moving until he finds a woman who is cool with 1 word texts, and she won't be that hard to find.
    Help me understand why some guys, particularly the SBM men seem to think that all women have to do is enforce their expectations, rules, laws, whatever you want to call them more, and men will simply change because they will have no other choice, or limited choices.

  27. This is not the case from what I experience, see and hear. Yes some men will give women what they want and ask for simply because they ask for it and expect it, but some will not. The men who typically fulfill womens expectations are the type of men u guys usually call "simps" and classify as being "weak" and punk bit***. Only certain types of men, typically those types, are more likely to at the very least try to do things that the woman he is dating wants him to do, the way she wants him to do them. You have men who will give women what they want and tell them what they want to hear namely to get some azz. Thats the main and/or only reason. If that man's sexual advances were to be turned down, even if it was for a good moral reason, then he will bounce with the quickness. (I know this from experience) And as I previously stated u have men who will think, "this chick is askin for too much, I'm out" and he will move on and find another woman who won't complain about all the things the last woman complained about.

  28. It seems like some men have this thinking that, all women have to do is demand more to get what they want out of men. But the reality is practically the whole world of women would have to do the same thing consistently for a very very very long time for men to possibly change and be the men that most women want them to be. Even if this were to occur, there is no guarantee that men would change at all. Maybe you would and the men you know who are much like you, but not necessarily the whole world of men across the globe, maybe not even the majority of men. Women, even most all women demanding that men stop and do other certain things is not likely to cause the world of men to do a complete 360 and change.

  29. Question for the fellas since you guys are always pulling out this number scale. (Even when most of you look wise dont make it past a 6 yet are always hollering for a 10)

    Would you rather have a 7/8 who you know will be a 7/8 the whole time yall are toghter, dating, marriage kids old age or a 10 who will lose it once she hits 30 (Aint nothing worst than a bad bi#ch that lost it)?

    1. to answer your question i'll take that 7/8 who will stay a 7/8… if i'm in it for the long term what i look like being with a woman who will fall off in a couple years?

      also i find it comical when someone brings up looks (like you just did) but don't have an avi. not saying you're not attractive or anything but leave people to their own devices and they'll come up with the obvious conclusion.
      My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

      1. well me having or not having an avi has nothign to do with the question. And the (Even when most of you look wise dont make it past a 6 yet are always hollering for a 10) was to men in general. Lets be honest alot of men hollering they need a 10 or dogging a girl on her looks are'nt that cute in the face either.

        1. didn't say a lot of men don't do it. it happens a lot. i guess its the same phenomena of broke women hollering they want dude that's balling.

          well it kind of does (re: your avi). well not just your avi. i meant that as a general statement as people (men and women alike) who talk about looks but don't… you know what i'm a chill…
          My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

    2. "Even when most of you look wise dont make it past a 6 yet are always hollering for a 10"

      Girl! LOL…

      I mean, I ain't hating at all. Go for what you want…doesn't make the pursuit any less baffling though, lol…smh. Why in the ham sandwich should that 10 want YOU?! Cause she's not shallow? So, we banking on 10 chicks being open to any and all but 6/7 fellas won't do the same? Really???

      Oh. LOL! Fun-NY! I'm rooting for y'all though, lol…

      1. Listen to each it own, a 10 to one person could be a 5 to someone else, but I always find it funny how hard some dudes go with the scale.For example a guy will swear he wont wife anything less than an 8 but never had any interaction with nothing higher than a 6. Bruh be realistic unless you are making 250K a year then you could probably get a 10or whatever with ease lol

        1. "a 10 to one person could be a 5 to someone else"

          I get the fluffy-ness and the ideal of the scale being subjective (gives folk hope) but…eh, lol.

          I can appreciate the 7ness of a guy and he still not be my type. Meaning, yes, you're attractive in general, but no, I probably wouldn't give you a 2nd/3rd glance in a crowded room cause, even with you being attractive, you're not my preference. BUT, if we start chatting and vibing, I'll be happy to go with it…cause you're attractive period…and I won't feel like I'm settling even though you aren't who I'd press enter on as my ideal man (looks wise #WeirdScience, lol) cause you're attractive in general… and yes, the fact that we're vibing will make you more appealing TO ME.

        2. Nah that ain't true. In order to be a 10, it's got to be undisputed. That's why it ain't a lot of them.

        3. That's the thing… men don't think it's inherently subjective.

          Like take Halle Berry in her prime. That's undisputed. You never gonna hear a conversation that goes like this…

          Man: What's a 10?
          other Man: Halle Berry.
          Man: I don't think she's that attractive.
          other Man: Maybe.

          Not never… Halle Berry was undisputed.

          Only when women get involved does this word, "subjective" start sliding out there. Once you get into an argument with a dude about chick, you automatically know she's not a 10. Then you just going to the definitions… and you pick one. I'd say that 4-6 is the toughest of the bunch. Men fall in love with a 4 and the way he look at her, she is a 6, but the way everybody else see her, she is still a 4. It's very debatable and rough to call it.

        4. I beg to differ about Halle Berry being undisputed. My dude and I were watching "Boomerang" the other night. I said I didn't get why Robin Givens was such a big deal. She dressed well, but Halle was obviously more attractive and also not evil. My dude TOTALLY disagreed. Thought Robin was 20X hotter, even though he prefers women with natural hair. Looks aren't objective, not even to this general "men" you speak of. 🙂

        5. Yoooo, you present a good point. The movie Boomerang is quite possibly the biggest argument that happens in the barbershop outside of Kobe, Lebron and Jordan conversations.

          At that very point in Halle's career, she was disputed. However, Swordfish Halle Berry was indisputable. When we have this discussion you always have to give a setting or a marker.

          Robin Givens had more sex appeal than Halle in that movie to me. I think most men chill with their girl and be like, "Halle is the winner." But on the low, they would have spent all their time trying to sleep with Robin and then after they got tired of her and others like her, get back right with Halle.

    3. " Question for the fellas since you guys are always pulling out this number scale (Even when most of you look wise dont make it past a 6 yet are always hollering for a 10) "

      Death @12:36 EST.

    4. Speaking for self, I've been nothing if I haven't been consistent. I like pretty women, period. Won't bother apologizing for it because that would be disingenuous. This isn't to say I'll marry a 10. It doesn't even mean I'll marry a 7. I might be perfectly fine with a 6 (I doubt it, but for arguments sake, let's go with it). Regardless of who I end up with, I will always admire pretty women. I like pretty women like I like nice cars. It's a preference. I can drive a pinto but that doesn't mean I won't admire the Lambo when I see it.

      To answer your question, I'd go with the longevity. This is why I usually check out a woman's mom at some point. If you're mom fell apart over the years, I will assume you are prone to do the same – and if women from High School's Facebook pics are any indication, my theory is fairly accurate.

      My recent post The How to Guide to Sexting: Stop sending unsolicited photos of your junk

      1. I'm not hating on men in general that like/prefer 10s…at all. I'm hating on aight 5-7 looking men, ONLY checking for 10s…like their 5-7 behinds are entitled to a 10. LOL. #SelfHate

        1. This is why many men fail. If you are Lil' Wayne, you can get away with it because of fame and fortune. A rich to wealthy seven might pull a ten, but he's still out of his league regardless of whatever else he brings to the table.

        2. I just want to be clear that Lil Wayne is not a 7. He's like a -7, lol.

          I didn't want anyone misreading your statement, Uncle Hugh…cause I knew my good sensible Uncle Hugh…butcher pimp extraordinaire…would NEVER allude to such a thing. Like not EVER!

          LOL.

        3. Maybe that statement does need clarification, because I was definitely not implying he is a seven!

          Lil Wayne is a four, and the only thing keeping him from being a three is because some women like skinny guys. I'm no connoisseurof men, but that would be my opinion of him.

        4. No amount of money would make me go there. Worse than his looks is his public persona. Purple drank? Tats on your face? Leopard print skinny jeans? Naw…I'm good.

          But he ain't checking for me either…so we both straight, lol. He can afford 10s, lol…

        5. I love you like a play cousin girl but this conversation is de ja vu. lol

          That's not self-hate by any means because I will continue to state that women are not as superficial as men when it comes to looks – and looks alone. Therefore, a man who is a 5-7 with a good personality, money, and things going for himself > than a man who is a 8-10 with nothing going for himself in most evaluations performed by women. Granted women might like the 8 – 10 pipe but I guarantee you it will be the 5-7 with a future that they're trying to husband down.

          As I said last week, it's not a one for one relationship because men and women don't evaluate each other using the same scales and we also weigh are scales differently with men, typically, putting some or more weight on looks than women. In my opinion, as many have stated today, women take a far more holistic assessment of men than men do of women.

          For a number of men – maybe not the majority but easily close – looks can catapult a woman to a whole other class of consideration for serious commitment. It can also dismiss her from consideration completely. A woman can have a 1,000,000 things going for her and one thing not going for her, she's ugly, and a man will not seriously consider her for commitment. Cole World…

          My recent post RMDG: $100 Contest Giveaway

        6. LOL! I know, right?!

          I get it…but it still is NOT logical.

          I also get that reality doesn't have to be logical…so its all good, LMBO!

        7. Cosign on all that Cyn……
          The thing is an avg looking dude will get a looks 10, even if he is only making 50K a yr. But he will stupidly let that 10 use and abuse him for all he is worth because she is a 10, and then complain about to his female friend that he may see as only a 6 or 7….lol
          There is a difference between a 10 looks and a 10 personality. When u put those 2 together then u get a 20, that's perfection. But that perfect 20 does not exist…..there will always be strengths and weaknesses in others, just like there are in us. So you have to choose what u can and can't deal with and/or the lesser of 2 evils.

      2. I think the most important thing to add here is that beauty is subjective. When you factor people's prefernces and access to women with certain phehotypes, This whole scale business is as flawed as the BMI. A 10 to one man will most definitely be a 7 to another and vice versa. It really depends on that particular person and what they are attracted to. For this reason is why I hate discussions in which beauty is rated. You cant rate an ideal on a definite scale. Anyone who thinks otherwise well…….
        My recent post [VIDEO] The Majors (Trailer)

    5. The long-term 7/8. No doubt. The problem is you often don't know if your dime is going to hold up.

      1. In fairness, doesn't the 10 have a lot further to fall than the 7/8? That's like asking would you want to date two women that look great as they are today but one weighs 150 and the other weighs 200lbs. Assuming over time they will both gain weight, it does seem like one has far less wiggle room.

        *don't shoot the messenger*

        1. I agree, but I'm assuming "lose it" means something drastic happens and she drops to a six on a good day. Like 40-year old pron star fell off.

    6. First and foremost, men aren't on a scale of 1-10. That's ridiculous, no women here today would agree with that scale for men.

      I would rather have a 10 who stays the test of time. Diahann Carroll would be a great example.

      1. What scale are men on?

        I'm just curious, as I have dated a WIDE range of dudes, but the last…maybe…seven dudes all had facial hair, glasses and locs. I have a type, but even within that type it varies widely, so what scale are men on?

        1. Girl…

          If thats what they tell themselves at night to feel all secure and ish, let 'em think that. LOL.

    7. SMilez that was a damn good question…..like the best yet.
      I wonder that myself because looks sho nuff do fade….even on the best of us.

  30. great post.

    to answer your questions.

    Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality?

    i'm definitely taking the woman who is a 7 and has a great personality over the latter. sure 9/10's are cool for arm candy and if i don't really know you but when i'm thinking about settling down or choosing a mate i'm looking at the overall package. just an ok personality will get really old after a while. if we really can't talk about anything what good is that going to do me? when i think about a woman i want to be with i debate with myself on whether she can be my friend or not.

    Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?

    an ugly personality can automatically drop you at least 2 attractive points. yes i'm on my shallow hal sh*t. really good looking women with sh*tty attitudes get extreme side eyes from me.

    Is it true that men choose and women settle?

    this doesn't make any sense to me. well at least the second part. yes men choose but that's no reason for women to settle. if a woman settles for something less than she feels she deserves then that's her fault. i'm not settling for ANYTHING or ANYONE. i suggest women who are bitter do the same.
    My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

  31. " Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality?"

    IMO, we're really splitting hairs here in this context. She may have an ok personality, but when she is just around you y'all may really click…she just wont click w/ others,etc. Now, if I extrapolate the rating by a factor of 10 and I have to choose between a 70 or a 90/100….well on a grade score card that's choosing between a C- (almost a D) and an A- or above, looks wise. In that context possibly I would choose the latter, but realistically, though, the former is more or less where I would fall with on the original scale (7, 9/10)

    " Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?"

    Physically? Nah. My level of attraction to her may diminish, but her physical attractiveness will be constant.

    1. "She may have an ok personality, but when she is just around you y'all may really click…she just wont click w/ others,etc."

      Oh…so you just shouldn't take her out in public? She won't mingle with the fam at the gatherings…won't mix with the coworkers at the functions? But, its cool cause you'll just leave her at home, LMBO! Oh my, LOL! I hope I'm missing something here…

      1. Lol…not sure how you got ALL of that from "she just wont click w/ others, etc." but, ok.

        Of course you'd take her out in public and do whatever normal things you would do. Never suggested I'd be embarrassed of her personality towards others so I would have to keep her hidden in the house, lol. The reality would be she just wouldnt necessarily click/resonate like someone with a bigger personality naturally does. She can still hold a conversation and be cordial and people can still like her, lol.

        1. "Never suggested I'd be embarrassed of her personality towards others so I would have to keep her hidden in the house, lol."

          Iono, Larry, lol. Would your Momma approve of the way you presented that???

          "Mom, you're gonna love her…well, you might. She's sweet, but she don't click good with people and gets lost in a room full of shining personalities. But she's GORGEOUS doe…"

          LOL! I'm picking. You like it for you, I love it for you…

        2. Lol…listen, you're parsing it deeper than you really need to. But however you read it I guess…that's why I'm not a writer. Guess I can't explain/describe well enough, lol.

  32. 1) Ladies, how does dating for women compare to what I’ve outlined for men here today? Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality? After last week’s post someone told me the following: Men choose, women settle. Is this true?

    I would date a man who makes $50K with a great personality. Definitely. I tend to prefer men who make less than me. This is not because of the money, but because I tend to find men with money obnoxious and pompous to be around. This often applies to top-tier college grads, even if they DON'T make much money. Or men with advanced degrees. Some women go after these things. I value these things, but I value personality and compatibility above all.

    No, I do not settle. I have achieved too many hard-to-achieve things to believe I wouldn't also achieve what I'm looking for in a mate. This might be entitlement based on the things I've achieved and the love I've sent out into the universe that I truly believe will come back to me, but it's what I believe and how I conduct myself. I also believe that I've found the person for me.

    2) Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality? Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive? Is it true that men choose and women settle?

    An ugly personality can DEFINITELY make a person less attractive. Because I leave the marriage proposals to men, I believe men choose who they marry and women choose to accept it. But I'm sure that differs for many people. I don't really enjoy the implied power dynamic of that supposition, though.

  33. "Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?"

    Even though this is what we've been led to generally believe… the reality of it is this is not typically true.

    Depending on that person's level of physical attractiveness, Idris Elba from what I heard is a narcissitc azzhole but guess what HE CAN GET IT and KEEP GETTING IT (lol) along with Mechad Brooks *FansSelf*. Now if someone like Mekhi Phieffer (sp) came along with a fcuked up personality to match, his stock (looks) would definitely go down in my eyes. #RealTalk

    Bottom line GOOD LOOKS CAN and WILL get you a pass in society.

    1. I appreciate your honesty and the Idris reference. For example, I'm a Kim K fan even though I recognize she has the personality of a cardboard box. But like a kid on Christmas, if I got to unwrap that gift, I would play with the box with ignorant joy and jubilation with nary a care.

      My recent post RMDG: $100 Contest Giveaway

  34. $50K can be changed..the personality is a lot harder to work on. I don’t think money is as big a factor for me as looks and personality to be honest. And looks isnt as high on the list because that’s variable. A guy grows more attractive to me the more his personality, his moral/ethics and basically his overall being shows itself and impresses me.

        1. Yeah I definitely hit the Scooby Doo on the 7Beyonce. Rrrr…?

          I can kinda see it because a 7 to me is someone who's still attractive at their worst and then can be dressed to a 9 but Beyonce is a beautiful female and at her worst I'd still put her at, a stretch of the imagination on her very least, 7.9.

          7 seems like it's the general lowest of the scale like Celebrity A is a…and women who are similar in looks are also a…BUT. I'm gonna go down to a 6.

          Slim Monique to me is a a solid 6. Someone like a plump Tyra Banks or a Selma Hayek is a 7. Jennifer Lopez is an 8. Kim Kardashian is a 9 at her absolute worst and I can only think of one person I thought was perfect. In looks. This Indian actress was like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Mila Kunis and I was like….I'm not gay. But…I kinda wondered for a second…I can appreciate a women's beauty.

        2. Are you referring to the Indian actress, Aishwarya Rai? If so, I must agree-she is gorgeous!

        3. *hits up google righ quick*

          YEAH! Her! I saw her on t.v. the other day something about her being pregnant and I saw a picture and I was like……..my God. I was literally taken aback like wow she's beautiful.

        4. Then again, my scale is based mostly on body types combined with facial feautures. I like curvy women I think they're beautiful to look at in their feminine essence like an attractive pregnant woman is more beautiful to me than a Beyonce. It's just sexy with the chub and natural glow and all that good stuff and it's also about the general beauty of her features.

        5. Selma Hayek is only a 7? You cray. Have you SEEN that scene in "From Dusk Til Dawn"? That ish makes even a straight girl wonder, lol.

          Kim K. is a 9 at her worst? This is where I gotta chalk it up to not being a straight man. I'm not really into to the plastic surgery perfection look. More like Nona Gaye or Gina Torres. But those women are also tall and strong and that's another feature I think is attractiv. Maybe those women are intimidating to men.

          Every woman in "Think Like a Man" was at least an 8 to me. But again, I'm generally not into the overidealization of any one person, and think people should probably be looking around their SURROUNDINGS for people to date, instead of at the movies/magazines. But that's just me. 🙂

        6. I have to admit, I'm not a hughe Taraji P. Henson fan, lookswise…don't get me wrong, she's not wack, but in my book she's definitely not an 8. Like I said somewhere down the comment section, she ain't hit, but she ain't it.

  35. Ok sure. I'll play and resist the urge to say that the numbers game (whether it's looks or salary) is a tricky thing because what if that 9/10 is in a horrible accident and becomes deformed or what if the dude making 250k loses it all? So you know…what if life happens? But having said all of that, I would take the dude w/ 250k who lives life like he's only making 50k (well maybe 75 – so we can take vacations) and then he/we're banking the rest, stacking our dough, so that when we call up Suze Orman's 'Can I Afford It' segment we're always APPROVED! But that's the dream…
    My recent post Gotta Get To Know Ya!

  36. It's interesting how the questions were phrased, pairing "financial status and personality" for the women, but for the men, pairing "looks and personality." I think looks play a major role in who I will eventually settle down with and other women as well! I think about my children lol.

    So, I would give the $250k, 7 on a scale from 1-10, and great personality a shot, but might also give the 9/10 in looks, with an ok personality, making $50k a shot too. It just depends, but I found it interesting that it was assumed that women value financial status and personality over looks. We already know men value looks over everything else!
    My recent post When Aliens Attack

    1. Also, an ugly personality can DEFINITELY make someone less attractive to ME, but of course it will not change their general or overall attractiveness.

      Attractiveness is subjective. So, when asked the question, "can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?" I think we're speaking in terms of whether a funky personality would make a person less attractive to YOU, and if it wouldn't, you should ask yourself why? If a woman is mean to other people or is a b*****, why would anyone still want to be with her? That's extremely shallow.
      My recent post When Aliens Attack

    2. Actually, that was a carry over from last week's comment thread with cynicaloptmst81. I concluded that men pursue attractive women as women pursue successful men. If you believe women are as superficial as men, based on looks alone, we'll have to agree to disagree but that's the basis for that question. I'm also speaking in terms of as a whole, rather than exceptions. I think it is the exception to say women are as or more superficial than men based on looks. e.g. a man will get with a FINE broke woman (and not care she's broke) long before a woman will entertain a FINE broke man.

      My recent post RMDG: $100 Contest Giveaway

      1. Idk, there's a lot of fine broke guys getting it in because they make up for their lack of $ in other areas like the bedroom or they're really sweet (sometimes that's all it takes lol). Also, $50k is not broke. But, I would take a 9/10 with a great personality who makes $50k any day over a 5 who makes $250k and has a janky personality. Looks can be the distinguishing factor with women too.

        Good looking, broke funny guys pull girls too. Moral of the story: I do think women can be just as shallow as men.
        My recent post When Aliens Attack

  37. "Fellas, would you rather date a woman who is a 7 in looks with a great personality or a 9/10 with an ok personality?"

    Generally speaking, the seven with great personality. A seven is still a good-looking woman. Beyonce would be a seven.

    "Everyone, can an ugly personality make a person less attractive?"

    Yes, in the sense of less desired to be in a relationship with them. I'd hit Kim K or Nicki Minaj. Relationship wise, we'd probably never make it to the second date (this is all assuming sans fame and fortune).

    "Is it true that men choose and women settle?"

    I agree with Wild Cougar: since there is no such thing as the perfect man or woman, you will be settling in some fashion.

    1. "Beyonce would be a seven."

      *record scratch*

      I'm interested to see how many men will co-sign this assessment, LOL…

      1. lol I'm actually glad he said that. I've never seen Beyonce as THE standard of beauty (if that makes sense). Granted, I'm not a man, but I honestly never understood the hype she gets regarding her looks. Don't get me wrong–I think she's beautiful, but I just never understood it. There are many other female (Black) celebrities I would place above her (Kelly Rowland, for example).

        1. From where I stand Beyonce is more attractive/better looking than Kelly Rowland and honestly it's not even close. But that's just me *shrugs*. I mean, Rowland isn't ugly….I put her in my category of, "She ain't hit, but she ain't it"

      2. Remember ten is perfection, and is very, very rare. Some people use "ten" as liberally as they call random acquaintances their friend. Or maybe my scale is too critical.

        Again, sevens with their hur did and in a nice dress will definitely get looks by most men. Beyonce gets bonus points for her body, but if you are talking strictly facial features, Beyonce isn't on a Stacey Dash or Paula Patton level.

        Put it this way, a guy making $100-120K is doing pretty well. I'd say he's a seven (better than most). A guy who is worth eight figures would be a ten ("perfection", financialy speaking).

    2. Wait. Hold Up!!!

      i'm sorry Hugh but I'm calling BS all over this right here……

      Beyonce would be a 7??!!!

      I'd hit Kim K or Nicki Minaj. Relationship wise, we'd probably never make it to the second date. o__o

      Yeah. Okay.

      *smhl* Boy, You need to quit.

      1. GirlSixx, give me some credit, I'd hit Beyonce too! In a fat man's heartbeat.

        Kim K is a 9-10. Nicki Minaj is an oddity, she can fluctuate from 5 to maybe 8. Beyonce is a 7-8.

        1. Tough crowd.. Yikes.

          But I definitely agree on the Kim K beauty assessment, as much as I cringe whenever she opens her mouth – that girl is What I would call GORGEOUS, she has no flaws, whether due to genetics or surgical, Kim K is one bad chick.. #NuffRespect/NoHate

    3. Dang B’s a 7 lol I wouldn’t give her last than an 8 atleast but to each it own. One thing about B is hopefully she doesn’t age like her mom. Halle has stood the test of time in a good way. I think if a women starts out as like a 7 or 8 she can always upgrade herself. Time plays a big part there are women who were 7 or solid 8’s in their hs/college yrs but when you see them a little later down the line and they’ve upgrade or grown into their looks.

  38. "Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality?"

    I know millionaires who have lost EVERYTHING in the blink of an eye. So, what do you do when that $250,000 guy goes broke? And often times mo' money equals mo' problems *in my Biggie voice*. I'll take the $50K guy I vibe well with.

  39. Agreed. If a woman settles thats her own fault (not enough faith in dating market, dont wanna be alone, cant take the L, d*ckmatized). I know i’m not getting a 10 with a 10 personality but that dont mean ima just wife anything so my friends in relationships can stop buying me Valentines day gifts

  40. This comments section is a perfect example of why women should stay out of the rating system discussion. All the time. It doesn't make sense to you because we don't rep the same Smarttech.

    Men are Martians.

    Women are from Venus.

    We're never going to see eye to eye on this concept. Men understand it though. We are born understanding this concept. What would really blow your mind is if we told you about our 100 point system.

    1. 100 point system? All these systems and rules and guidelines and proverbs and psalms and all that about dating are why dating generally is unappealing to me. I date to find a mate and not just for fun because all of those things above don't sound fun at all. Sounds like walking the gauntlet, lol.

      1. I'm glad I skip the dating portion of relationships and just go straight into long-term relationship. I'm an okay looking person and I generally dress down and comfy and my geeky smart girl glasses are prescription, my hair is always tied I generally look like a bookworm who doesn't put any effort into her appearance but people treat me like I'm a 9 and I'm guessing it has everything to do with my body. I'm gonna assume looking at me as a package is what offputs males to dating me and immediately puts me in the 'sigfig' categorey with a straight shot to wife. I think it has to do with weight class. Men aren't gonna date Oprah or Monique or Tyra Banks or Beyonce….Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian are open and will go through a few guys….but they'll date a Rihanna. It's the body and attitude.

        1. LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        2. I'm gonna go with die.

          I didn't say I'm a 9 I said I'm an okay looking person and people treat me like a 9 and my guess is because of my body and attitude. I don't feel comfortable with my body or my looks yet it's weird to have that kind of attention I don't really like being oogled and I'm just now recently recovering from a particularly taxing experience with a bunch of guys thinking I'm a show dog and talking about *that sorta stuff* just the overall gaping and shock it's uncomfortable and it makes my anxiety go up I'd rather have people thinking I'm ugly I like my little bookworm world where I'm all covered up and dressed down and generally overlooked maybe once I get used to that sort of attention it'll be less stressful for me and my anxiety won't be so sky high but I'd really rather just stay covered up and have an AWESOME conversation with people. I totally take that comment back. *brushes you guys away while pulling my jacket closed* I'm ugly keep it movin.

        3. *winces*

          What I meant to say….

          I made that comment referring to males putting females on a scale strictly based on facial features when I believe a woman is a combination of facial features and a vuluptuous body I was alluding to the scale I wasn't putting MY body up for discussion. I was simply stating that just looking at me I would be a normal looking person unless I bothered to put effort into my look and at which point I would be treated a lot better because I look more presentable as opposed to a nerd who reads a lot.

    2. Read my mind.

      I think it's FAR easier to get a group of men on the same page, even a large group, than it will ever be (as in impossible) to get even a small group of men and women on the same page. In most cases, I don't know what women are looking at. lol It's like they see the world thru a whole other lens I am simply not privy to. There are a few women we can all agree on but there are more women that women try to tell me fit into the 7-10 range and I'm like "naw." Is what it is.

      WIM checking out for the day.

      My recent post RMDG: $100 Contest Giveaway

    3. Because men (most honestly in private) use every number on 1-10. Women rate other women like video games with a 7-10 scale. They also try to turn it around on men like unless they consider you an 8-10 you shouldn't be critical of how women look. Most men can separate whatever our number is to give women one.

  41. “For instance, if a man sends you a text that says “sup?” I don’t think he’s doing so because he doesn’t have game, he’s too lazy to call, or on the extreme side, he is disrespecting you as a strong independent woman who deserves the finer things in life beyond that of a text message. I assume he’s doing so because obviously that has worked before – and will likely work again. If you like this man but dislike his lack of effort, I also believe this is a perfectly logical time to clearly convey your expectations to him instead of responding to his message without qualifiers and enabling his minimalist actions; thereby reinforcing his lack of courting for yourself and women in the future.”

    The fallacy of reason here is the fact that “sup” has worked, and he knows it will work again… thus when a woman lets him know it’s insufficient in meeting her expectations, she is then labeled as “difficult” and he will more than likely chunk her the deuce.

    Yet it's better to know sooner than later if he doesn't feel you're worth the effort.

    My recent post Lessons from Basketball “Wives”…

    1. "The fallacy of reason here is the fact that “sup” has worked, and he knows it will work again… thus when a woman lets him know it’s insufficient in meeting her expectations, she is then labeled as “difficult” and he will more than likely chunk her the deuce."

      "Yet it's better to know sooner than later if he doesn't feel you're worth the effort."
      Cosign on this Kelic…..

  42. Example of the scale I guess

    10’s = Halle berry, Kim K, Stacy dash, Lisa Raye, (RiRi when she was in the rude boy video/ she was thick), Adriana Lima, paula Paton

    9’s= gaberial union, Kerri Washington, amber rose , April from single ladies, Lil Kim from the early 90’s, j lo, Toni Braxton

    8’s= Keri Hilson, Alicia keys, Nicki Minaj,

    1. Whaaat?! Mm mm. I'm gonna do my scale by thickity thicks because a woman with a body is sexy to me by raw natural feminine essence alone.

      10 = I can't remember her name but I saw her on celebrity news. This indian acctress looked like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Mila Kunis, absolutely GORGEOUS. Rare, exotic women are tens to me. Unknowns and hardly evers.

      9 = exotic and perfect. Kim Kardashian is a 9.

      8 = regular beauties with bodies. Beyonce. Tyra Banks. Jennifer Lopez.

      7 = all around good looking and attractive, wholesome beauty. Monique to me has the potential to be a 7 or an 8. Someone like a Selma Hayek or maybe like a Free. Someone with a body who looks reltively good all the time and just naturally pleasant to the eyes. http://www.tiawilliams.net/blog/uploaded_images/M

      1. Is exotic code for racially ambiguous? I wonder if African-American women are "exotic beauties" in Poland, or if it's just countries that have a fusion of races/cultures like the West Indies, the Philippines, South Africa, etc. Just curious, as a JB girl myself. 🙂

        1. Not at all. Exotic means exotic. Like…I've never seen a woman look like that before. Like a woman from Madagascar or some remote region in the world or even a place like Iceland. Like….I've never seen someone quite that gergeous I didn't realize women like that existed. Someone in a different culture lets take Poland as the example, if they saw an African female they would consider her exotic because the formulation of her body and features is something they aren't accustomed to AND it's a sight to behold. Exotic beauty. What's JB?

  43. OK, I was making jokes earlier but seriously, that "money don't buy happiness" cliche is what broke people say to make themselves feel better about not having shit. Money can buy healthcare and pay for exorbitant childcare and decent housing in the Washington, D.C. area, while $50K buys….what in the DMV? A room in a group house? Housing way out in the burbs with a crazy commute to work?

    And like Biggie said, f a dollar a dream. I'm grown and on the right side of 35, you need to be at some dream realization/reaping the fruit of our hard work stages if you are staring/once you have stared 40 in the face.

    But, maybe that's just me. Again, I've been married and getting chose isn't my end goal these days. *shrug*
    My recent post Getting outside the comfort zone

  44. Almost forgot to ans the questions at hand.
    1) Ladies, how does dating for women compare to what I’ve outlined for men here today? Obvious differences are what you already stated in your post. Many women date with the goal and intention of marrying, women want to marry for status ie being a wife and not just some chick ur boning or a "baby mama" and for stability ie financial and protection. When choosing a lifemate women and men many times have different priorities. As has been stated in the comments, men go for a woman who is appealing to the eyes and who looks good to them and that is the first thing that holds their attention. Granted what keeps it is the womans brains behind the beauty, but realistically, as Doc J put it, most men will in their lifetime date more physically attractive women, as opposed to avg looking women who are smart and only have brains, not so much beauty.

  45. This may not be closely related, but also women are more likely to date, marry, and stick with an overweight man, as opposed to a man dating, marrying and sticking with an overweight woman.
    Would you rather date a man who makes $50k with a great personality or a man who makes $250k with an ok personality? I would rather have a man with a great personality who is my bff who makes 50k or whatever and is loyal, faithful, and consistent in his greatness. I can make my own money…When we put our money together we will be pullin in almost 6 figures so it's all good wit me.
    After last week’s post someone told me the following: Men choose, women settle. Is this true?
    Yep for the most part….Not true for everyone, but I think more often than not, this is true. I don't see too many really unattractive fat and overweight women with men who look like, Denzel, Morris, Boris, or Edris. However, u will see a really old man with a young beautiful and sexy woman, or a fat out of shape unattractive man with a beautiful woman.

      1. mrbiggsmoove depends on the woman…ironically (like ya boy Gerald Levert) yall don't be checking for the women that are checking for u. Yall like the skinny & pretty bit***. Monique, I think like Gerald but he wasn't checking for her at all. Now u do have skinny women who will go for a big man….ex Tony Braxtons baby sis Tamar. Her husband is big….granted she is probably only with him to further her music career, but she is with him.
        And like I said men typically get just as sometimes more comfortable than women in relationships and marriage. They get fat and out of shape too. I've never heard of a woman even threatening to leave her man because he gained weight. But let a woman gain weight after giving birth to triplets or something and the man is like wth, bit*** u need to go to the gym everyday and not eat a crumb of food…….but I digress……

    1. That’s cuz women like that are housewives and rarely have reason to leave the home unless it’s children or domestic errand related. If you see an attractive guy with a ring and NEVER his wife it’s because she’s at home with five or six chirrin and doesn’t care to deal with others in satisfaction with her homelife. Ay. Chubby girls get theirs. Oprah is sleeping with Colombus Short AND Micheal Ealy AND got Steadman onna leash. Bet.

  46. I'm not sure why so many people are confounded by the 1-10 scale and why it seems like some women are judged harshly. By literal definition, 10 is PERFECTION. As in no flaws. Seriously, what man thinks Beyonce is perfection? Damn good looking? Without a doubt. But perfection?

    It may hurt to think that you're not a ten, but keep in mind that maybe one out of 1,000 women are a ten. If you are a seven, you are still very good looking, and you are a headturner to 75-80% percent of men.

    1. A lot of people don't see it that way. It's kind of like in school when you're looking for that 100% and only get 70%. The odds of your work actually being perfect are nonexistent, yet profs hand out that mark on occasion because the work was pretty good. A 70, though? You'd have a hard time prettying that up for most serious students. "Decent" begins at 75%. Perhaps it's for that reason that we see the 8-10 labels being tossed around so freely. A number of guys have pointed out that few women are on a 10 level, and yet "dime" was once a popular term to describe a fairly attractive young lady.

      1. I understand some people have different interpretations of the scale, however I don't think comparing it to grades works.

        By my definition, five is average, so about 70% of people are going to be a four, five or six. But using grades, most schools say less than 70% is a failure. If people are using that scale, with 75% being decent, it makes sense, but that skews and destroys the purpose of the scale. That purpose being separating average, above average, good looking, fine, and DAMN! The 7.5 as "decent" means slightly above average looking people are eights. That would put someone like Keisha Knight Pulliam one or two notches below someone like Paula Patton. I don't buy that.

        "…yet "dime" was once a popular term to describe a fairly attractive young lady."

        Some guys that make $60K/year are calling themselves ballers. Let's just say I don't agree with that assessment either.

        1. Over here, less than 70% becomes a failure only at the Grad school level. Otherwise, anything under a B- is merely subpar.

          I wasn't arguing with you, though.. just saying that the general interpretation floats along those lines. When people refer to others as 5s – which should technically mean nothing more or less than "average," – the rest of their words convey the impression that the person in question may need a paper bag before stepping out of the house. Ratings have suffered from inflation for a long time.

  47. $50k with a great personality > $250k with an ok personality. Because wealth doesn't happen overnight anyway. Even the 250k dude could get richer still. BUT I'd go with 'great personality' definitely.

    I think men choose in the sense that men almost always have options (and statistically speaking potential women outnumber potiential men). Whilst women don't. Men can be seeing like 5 girls at a time, of which 2 are wife material. Whilst women typically date ONE man at a time, and that's her only option (Because society frowns upon females multiple dating) and when that current and only option fails, she has to start ALL OVER AGAIN. Then other interrelated factors like age, attractiveness and fertility, the older a woman gets, the less fertile, appealing to men etc etc…. a 29 years old woman dating one guy would more than likely definitely marry him if he asks (because she's in panic mode) regardless of whether he meets her standards. Men aren't challenged by fertility like women so a man could wait til he's 35, 40, 50 til he finds and chooses HIS PERFECT woman. Also men are the courters/suitors. They are the ones who initiate and propose (Another societal factor).

    Lots of societal, biological pressure for women. and near to none for men.

    It's a man's world…..

    1. Also, this rating scale men use should be made more specific, i.e. a scale for when a woman isnt dressed up (natural state) and for when she is. Cause I have seen 6s make themselves look like an 8>
      I generally don't care about this male-made rating scale anyway, as long as im on the 5-10 half of it, and not the 0-4.

  48. I would prefer the 7 in looks and great personality and I am in no way discounting looks but I tend to gravitate to the woman who is easier to talk and relate to

    I believe and ugly person can make you less attractive in the sense that if you abhor a person's attitude, you're not going to be attracted to them on an emotional level. Hell that person is still physically the bomb but on that other level you wouldn't gravitate to them.

    Men choose women settle. Hmmm. Generally I believe so simply because men usually tend to go for the type of woman THEY want and if she is not what he wants he leaves but women tend to settle if he isn't exactly what she wants

  49. regardless of what you say and how you feel. i will believe when a man takes a look me, he knows i am a "good girl" that have tendency of badness and he always want a taste of me. And i actually believe its up to me and not "the randomness of some guy's lazy night to approach me or be one of his random mass text".

    sometimes your honesty can be really lame some times but i always pass on the knowledge. thanks.

  50. @ Jupiter Calhoun – "Hell, I'm searching for a 6 with a great personality, or at least enough personality to tell me to stop referring to her looks on a numerical scale." I love this!

    I would go with the guy who had the personality. I have dated guys with money who either bored the hell out of me or lack the skills to date. They were so used to their money being the only thing they had to offer, they didn't know how to offer anything else. No thanks.

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