You Share That Girl: Why Claiming Ownership Over Former Lovers Is Idiotic
I was watching an old episode of VH1 Behind The Music, and it featured Nas and his story. Anytime Nas or Jay-Z are brought up, social media automatically gets into the age old “>” battle between the two artists. I felt as if we were back in high school and college arguingwho was better, who was what battles, comparing albums, etc. One point that’s always brought up by Jay-Z fans (who automatically hate Nas because they take a gang mentality towards the two artists), is that Jay-Z smashed Nas’s baby mama, so he lost.
Recently, it seems as if Chris Brown is catching feelings over Rihanna once again. The homie Karen Civil wrote on her site:
The drama continues as Meek [Mill] and RiRi were at LIV together last night. Allegdedly, Chris Brown and Meek had worked on a song together and once the news of Rihanna and Meek partying together got out, Chris took Meek of the song.
This led to a furious exchange of subtweets between Meek, Chris Brown, and apparently Drake. All over a woman who is no longer with Chris (or currently with any of those other dudes). This boggles my mind, and I have to ask a stupid question: Why do people claim ownership over former lovers?
So if the mother of my child has sex with another man whom I have issues with, that’s a knock on me? That reflects negatively on a man? Really?! If you have a child with someone and you aren’t together any longer, how are their actions still linked to you? That is the epitome of a closed minded hood mentality. We have conned ourselves to believe that wifey = wife; that impregnating a woman gives men a lifetime contract to their box, and all associated privileges. Phrases like “I can have as many bitches as I want. She can’t be f*ckin other dudes tho!” are representative of this foolish ideal. So you diss me by saying that you boned my ex, yet they are an ex for a reason right? As a young boy, I would have took that personal. Now, I salute and tell you to have fun, because I’ve had my fill. You think that by claiming ownership over these women, that you are wielding power over them. On the contrary, you exhibit immense weakness when you show that you care about that former lovers interaction with new people.
Then you have people who love to play the claim game. Women know exactly what I’m talking about too. You all have that girlfriend who had a fling with some dudes 5 years ago, and is now deeply involved in a relationship or married. When you mention that you are interested in said fling, they will go into anaphylactic shock and have you swear to them that you will renounce these lustful feelings. Why should they care? Why does anyone care?! I make it a habit to give away clothes I know I will no longer wear to the Salvation Army. If I saw someone randomly walking down the street in that shirt, and I got upset at them, wouldn’t that make me foolish? Especially if I currently have clothes that I wear and like now? If it’s foolish in that regard, then why no in the case of former lovers. Sure,
It’s like people don’t realize that life goes on after any type of relationship runs its course. How can you get mad at the next man for talking to your ex because he knows you? That’s a true juvenile mentality if I ever saw one. Newsflash: if you have good taste, and your exes are attractive, then people will be interested too and will try their luck. Just because a dude knows you on Twitter doesn’t mean that your ex is off limits. You look like a child when you react to the actions of an ex. They hold power over you, know what buttons to push, and will have fun at the expense of your fragile ego. Don’t think that others can’t see this too. They will manipulate you because they know your weakness. A weakness that you perceive as a strength.
Relationships come and go. Every experience, whether it was a one night stand or a 5 year commitment, help to shape you as a person and teach you a life lesson. When you hold ownership emotionally or mentally over past lovers, it hinders your growth and shows that you’re not mature enough to get over those people. You’ll never #BeBetter claiming ownership over old lovers. You’ll just be a puppet.
What value does the actions of former lovers hold in your current life? Do you have any stories on how you may have fallen down this rabbit hole of emotional defeat? Do men and women react and handle these situations differently?