This is a start...
Larry is laying in bed next to his boo, Estefania, while she’s reading Essence. He looks at his Struggleberry’s calendar and realizes it’s been way too long since he last experienced the warmth within. Larry begins to reach for her thigh, but then has a stubborn male moment:
“Damn. Why do I always gotta touch her thigh to get things popping? It’d be nice if she’d reach over here for once and take the cucumber out the jar.”
Little does he know that Estefania stopped on the way home from work to get a Brazilian wax since she figured he’d probably be “hungry.” And though it looks like she’s reading her magazine, she’s actually thinking about Larry’s lack of effort:
“This negro hasn’t even tried to touch me. He saw me get out the bathtub, put the baby oil gel on my bottom, and slip into bed in just some shorts and a half tee. I only do that when I want some D-quil. I’ma give him 10 minutes to act, otherwise I’m takin’ my a$$ to sleep.”
**11 minutes go by**
Estefania: **Grits teeth and turns on side** Zzzzzz…
Larry: Grrrr. **Goes into the bathroom for a few minutes then comes back to bed feeling relieved, yet unsatisfied.**
Morning time rolls around and they both wake up frustrated with each other. The only words uttered in the apartment that morning were “do you want some toast?” As soon as Estefania is out the door and into her 2-door Kia, she’s on the phone with her girl talking about how Larry ain’t showing her any attention even though they already discussed the 5 Love Languages book. Meanwhile, Larry can’t wait to get to his work computer and log into G-chat to tell his boy that the streak continues and he’s about to change his last name to Planters. Larry and Estefania proceed to chat during the day as if nothing’s wrong. But as soon as they get back to the crib, it’s on and not so popping.
Estefania: Sooo why haven’t you touched me lately? You used to always touch me. If we hadn’t went and got tested for STD’s together, I’d think you were trying to hide a herpes outbreak or something. What’s good?
Larry: I’m just tired of always having to touch you first. Sh*t. Why don’t you initiate something for once?
Estefania: You’re the man in this relationship. We been together long enough that you should know this by now.
Larry: Men like to feel wanted too you know.
Estefania: Baby, lack of confidence isn’t s*xy. Just thought I’d throw that out there so that we can be done with this and you can throw that (points to his piece) in here (points to her 98.6 degree pocket of love).
Larry to self: If my confidence is down, then so shall be my piece.**Goes into bathroom for a few minutes then exits with a smile** Not tonight babe. Suddenly I don’t feel like it anymore.
Estefania: **Deep sighs and goes to the computer to google bullets and rabbits**
As you can tell from this encounter, Larry and Estefania have a laundry list of work to do if they want their relationship to survive. I have my thoughts, but I want to know what you think. Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative sex the majority of the time? Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange? Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has? If your friend approached you and shared this story, how would you respond?
This ain’t Facebook girl. It’s poking you for a reason,
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i think i might have had that problem in only one relationship. it is true though. sex is that much better when a man (speaking for myself here) feels like the woman wants it just as bad he does. i'll leave it at that.
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For the life of me I don't know why all these rules exist. If you want it, get it. It's that simple. I love initiating, but I love it even more when he does:)
Point taken, but consider him also. If you love having him initiate intimacy that much don't you think the reverse is true. Why do you love when he initiaites contact? It confirms what he loves about you, makes you feel like the 'top o' da world' and other good things. We need that reinforcement too – reciprocated just as much. We're all humans – before gender – that respond to positive affirmation. We need you to confirm your belief in our manly sexiness just as much as you need it from us.
Reciprocate (and intiate) those feelings on a regular basis and you'll be surprise how much more effort we put into pleasing!
TWO CHAAAAAAAAAAAAINZ!
It's mine, I get it.
LMFAO… Preach!
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I sincerely applaud the dude's moral stand. It is perfectly reasonable.
If I want it, I''m making it clear that I do. That whole "your the man" tidbit really doesn't make sense when it comes to getting busy. Especially when in a relationship, If I can get "comfortable" enough to do other things around you (rock a scarf, where unflattering clothing etc.), I should be comfortable to ask for some loving too.
Abeg! Which kind nonsense be that?!? If you want it go for it. Why would you lay up in your bed, wanting, when there's a perfectly good man laying beside you?
Honestly, they are both silly. If he felt some kind of way about her never initiating, he should've just said so instead of forgoing sex altogether, unless that night was legitimately the first time the thought ever crossed his mind. And she…is just a goat (as my people would say lol). There's no rule that says only a man can/should initiate lovin.
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If he felt some kind of way about her never initiating, he should've just said so instead of forgoing sex altogether
You mean we now expect men to eloquently and succinctly tell us their concerns without us having to initiate the conversation. Wheredeydodatat…
No but really this is immature, I aint to proud to beg. she doesn't even have to say anything just put your face in his lap and get it poppin'.
Abi o! If na money she go dey wait am?
The way relationships work in 2012 her deep sigh would be followed by her going to the computer and googling her ex so she can get his Twitter name..
Oh and LoL @ the article "Pick & Choose Your Battles" popping up…sounds like that's a lesson ol' dude needs to learn. A man testing a woman's ability to hold out on sex is like passing to Bron in the clutch – no way you winning that..
If you are HORNgry, does the food come to you or do you go to the food?
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“Go n Get it” -Ace Hood
I'm gonna say the responsibility lies with the person that's the horniest. If I'm ready to get it in I don't give a good got damn if she initiates or not.
I meant to give you a thumbs up, but my finger slipped and gave you the opposite.
+1
How does this even happen? Worrying about who initiates sex shouldn't even come up. This reeks of some kind of control issue. If I'm ready to storm the Bastille, I'm making my move, pure and simple.
I blame Steve Harvey.
LOL
What wouldn't you blame him for???????
Initiation should have no rules. If I want it, and it’s available right next to me in my bed, I’m not mincing words about what I want. That serves me no purpose. I’ll just end up both physically and mentally frustrated.
Btw, Slim, I heart this: “This ain’t Facebook girl. It’s poking you for a reason.”
How old is this couple? It could have gone done like this in my younger years, but I can't imagine grown people behaving this way.
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Haven't been in a relationship in a good while but I love that late night text. Makes a dude feel good and wanted. It's cool he stood his ground. I would hate to have to be the initiator every time. Women know they can get it anytime, anywhere, any place so if you want it just step up. Too easy.
It does seem like the couple(really her) is old fashion. It's 2012, women are go getters now.
Communication is a necessity for any relationship to thrive! The problem is they both went to vent to their friends before speaking to each other. They should be talking to each other and not waiting for the conversation to erupt at their highest peak of frustration. Of course women love when men initiate. It makes us feel like we are wanted and desired. But I’m pretty sure men appreciate those feelings as well. So instead laying in some booty shorts and considering that to be initiation for a round or two in the sheets, homegirl needs to come a little harder. But overall, they both need to advocate for themselves. When you want something, you don’t just sit and wait for it to fall in your lap, right?
The communication issue is huge here, i applaud dudes stance but the execution was poor, because she had no idea WHY he wasnt giving in or what the hell brought about his #OccupyAllSheets movement.
True, but once he came out and spoke his piece she called him insecure, and tired to take a short stab at his man hood because she's to prude to get her's without him starting the session. She also said something like “we’ve been together this long you know what I like” well clearly she doesn’t know what her man likes and doesn’t seem like she cares too much. If they don’t fix it soon they are probably going to cheat on one another.
Once you’re in a relationship your sex life shouldn’t have these types of rules. I think every woman likes to be chased to a certain extent but she took it a little too far.
Yep!
He should've just went in for it and then the next morning ask about it. That way he still got some and was able to communicate his frustrations.
Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative sex the majority of the time?
I maybe messed with a few women who would initiate (cougars for the win n ish) but i guess i just conceded to the notion that women’s seduction is simply not smacking your hand or telling you to cut it out. So unfortunately, yes.
Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange?
Yes it should. *cues Patriotic music* Subtlety is sexy and all but damn can women stop acting all nonchalent in front of an audience and act like they want it as bad as we do? 9/10 a man isn’t gonna turn it down so what you scared of? Make a move, librate it, liberate yourself.
Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has?
All the time. For the most part i just take the L and initiate, mock her later for never initiating and wait for her “i’ll show him” moment(s).
If your friend approached you and shared this story, how would you respond?
I’ve had female friends talk about how dude aint hitting and i tell her surprise him (of course they dont listen but want to complain again a week later, perhaps they are throwing up CP3 lobs but i’ll remain oblivious #friendzone). Male friends i’ll tell them take the damn L theres some battles worth fighting this aint one, i’ll take the pride hit before a drought.
I had this exact situation happen, except reverse. I was (or I felt like I was) the one initiating every. single. time. and it did get on my nerves in the long run. I wasn't insecure per se, since it was, well, obvious that he wanted it too, but it was just kind of like, damn is he lazy or what? But instead of blowing my fuse and lying there feeling unwanted I asked him, why don't you initiate? You know what he answered, poor dear soul? "Cause I don't have to."
Needless to say, he had to after that.
I think it'd be unfair to everyone if one initiated the whole time, but it also depends on the person. Some people don't care about who does what as long as they get theirs. Some people do. Instead of fighting about it it's easier to talk about it, however if the other person is like the girl was in this story it gets difficult. Everyone wants to feel wanted, and if he's telling you that he doesn't feel wanted cause you don't initiate, you need to fix that.
dude really said “i dont have to” lol
I agree but at some point when its clear she didnt get the memo thats when you tell her, got her confused and next thing you know she gon think its another woman, or shes unattractive or something else completely off the grid
I'm all for equal opportunity. If I want it…I'm initiating things. I do think some folks are control freaks. I remember trying to initiate things with one guy who was like, "No, I start things." I was close to doing the Scooby Doo "huh?" noise. Needless to say, he's still single.
Sooooo… tell me what happens when you (meaning I) have been told that you (lol, meaning I once again) initiate too much?
If I was to put a stamp on my relationship to say how often I feel like we should have sex, I would say at least 3 to 4 times a week. (I like to excercise), minus monthly detours. With that being said, I have always been the one to show that initiative to seek the job and complete. I have to admit, after years of, what feels like forcing someone to have sex with me, it does get a little aggrevating. So I applied a test, I would try to keep my "pits" calm until they were given the signal to attack…. needless to say, I understand the frustration in some of the comments above that imply "the feeling of not being wanted". And once I stopped, he thought something was wrong with me LOL!! Talk about confused!!
But in conclusion, I think it should be an equal amount of responsibility. But when it comes down to someone who I am sexually, mentally and emotionally attracted, it's a little hard for me to keep my hands and all other objects to myself. *shrugs*
Reading this post gave me deja vu. Has this ever been posted before?
Is this a repost? Looks familiar. Anywho, why does it matter who initiates as long as you get it in?
Wait, I skipped the questions. I'll answer this one: Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has?
Yup. This has happened to us. I initiate sometimes but since he's in the mood more often than I am, it makes sense that he initiates more often than I do. *shrugs* Least he's getting some right?
LMBO!
Estefania?! Really?! Well, isn't that a precious name, lol…
*goes back to reading*
wait…and a 2-door Kia?! LMBO!
Right!
And doesn't the woman in the picture look like that could be Krystllyght? Just me? Oh, okay.
LOL!
Krys, that ain't you and the hubs, is it?! LOL
Say it ain't so?! LOL
That COULD be us. lol Except she looks pissed that he's even touching her. "Get off me!"
*dead*
Actually, my son came over and was like is that you and daddy? lmao So it's not just you!
Interesting. I've only had this problem in one relationship. Naturally it didn't start that way, the xes game was always on and poppin in the beginning. We did it 9-ways from Sunday and twice on the Lord's day but once we got serious she started regulating the P like the FDA. Basically, we only hooked up when SHE was in the mood. If I was in the mood and she wasn't I was SOL. On the bright side she had a pretty decent drive BUT there were def times when I was tryin to get in the game and she was like "hit the showers." On the flip, if she was game and I was tired it became the biggest issue ever. Eventually we found an un-healthy compromise but that's another story for another day…
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Hmm…
I find the men have an "issue" with always initiating usually whenever there are OTHER unresolved issues in the relationship. Until then, I can initiate, he can initiate, I can be asleep, sick, aunt flo could be visiting, or his parents. If there is a working orifice, and the chance to get it in, it will be got.
Now when there are OTHER issues? It just gets irrational, like the above story.
"Until then, I can initiate, he can initiate, I can be asleep, sick, aunt flo could be visiting, or his parents. If there is a working orifice, and the chance to get it in, it will be got"
LMAO!!! Love it!!
It is the truth tho! When the relationship is normal? Sheeet. Aunt flo could be in town & he's like "Well, [redacted] isn't out of order, right?" I could have the stomach flu & he's all like, "well, [redacted] isn't sick, right? Just don't throw up on me."
Let there be an "unresolved issue"?
It just gets irrational.
Him: "WHY don't YUUUUU ever initiate?!?"
Me: "Well, consider me initiating. Right now." **starts unbuttoning**
Him: "You can't just do it like that! You shoud SEDUCE meee!"
Me: "Uhhh…last week your idea of 'seducing' was tapping my cheek with your [redacted], so…."
O_o
Him: "Nevermind.." **skulks away**
I realized at that point it was the beginning of the end…
OMG!!! Literally LMAO!!!
I'm going to get in trouble at work, smh
LOL @ your redactions!
LMBO!
LOOOOOLLLLL sounds familiar!
Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative sex the majority of the time? – NO!
Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange? – I don't know about equal but ideally it should be pretty balanced.
Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has? – Yup. And I told the ex-hub that I have no problems initiating when I'm in the mood. So, he needed to learn how to make that happen before bedtime. Make love to my mind and intellect during the day, and I'll promptly give my body at night.
If your friend approached you and shared this story, how would you respond? – You're wrong for not letting him know what turns you on. There should be balance.
“Make love to my mind and intellect during the day, and I’ll promptly give my body at night.”
YES LAWD!!!!!
"Make love to my mind and intellect during the day, and I'll promptly give my body at night."
I hope every man reading this pays special close attention to this very line right here.
I wanna second this and say Allelujia and Amen.
Church fan waving high as a kite.
"Make love to my mind and intellect during the day, and I'll promptly give my body at night."
What an awesome line. +1
I don't think any relationship can last longterm if only one person is initiating the intimacy. In my marriage we both made moves. Now, granted my moves were prolly not as aggressive as he might have liked, but certainly the intent was clear and the end result was pleasurable so win-win.
Most people want to be desired so show your partner that you want them and get your freak on.
lol How aggressive do your moves need to be?
Why don't folks simply find out exactly and specifically what their partner likes/loves and do just that consistently………….?
Ladies this is 1 good way to keep your man xtra happy where he thinks twice about cheating if he thinks about it at all.
I saw this on demand where the "love doctor" woman was telling people you have to learn how to effectively communicate what u want and be able to unselfishly reciprocate.
I know from experience men loved to be touched and they love to feel like they are wanted and desired as well as we do. They like to feel sexy and most men love when a woman initiates by taking his clothes off, seducing him, touching him and kissing on him or giving him a nude full body massage and whatever else.
However, I think this intimidates some men so this may be why some women are hesitant to take it there. Some men may be put off by it. But this is where communication comes in and your comfort level and your mentality. With your partner and someone you've been with for many years or your spouse you should feel comfortable exploring sex in every way……if u don't the root of that needs to be investigated. That could be a personal problem.
This is one of the things that should be discussed before even doing anything sexual in the courtship phase.
WARNING! Don't do all this aggressive stuff until you are rooted in the relationship!!! I have been burned many times thinking 3-6 months in that I could be my natural sexual self. WRONG! Men have so many hangups about what "girlfriend sex" should be like vs. what "side piece/casual sex"should feel like. Trust me, men are freakier and more open with women they don't know. The problem is we need to recondition our minds to think of relationship sex as hot, steamy and freaky. Relationship sex is branded as boring, rule based and predictable. It doesn't have to be.
Once men are in relationships, men (especially black men) have these wierd hangups about sex, roles, dominance control, morality etc. I blame dey mamas!
But if you do find a mature open minded guy who is comfortable with your sexuality, you are a lucky gal! Until then, let him work to please you until you established trust and security.
Men can get more fickle and conservative, when they lock you down as wifey!
I agree with the overall sentiment of the other comments here. In this day and age, there’s no reason for women not to go get what they want. Clearly in these scenarios, you may end up with a lose/lose situation if you don’t. But if you’re old school for whatever reason (and yes some of us do enjoy the take control male aggressive initiation) you dont necessarily have to pin him down & drop your head in his lap (as was so kindly suggested above lol.) There are more subtle/demure ways to get stuff poppin off if that’s what you’re concerned about. It’s all about innovation, creativity, & compromise when it comes to sex in relationships. Work it out people!
*Sidebar You’re really not supposed to have sex right after a Brazillian… #Imjussayin lol
"There are more subtle/demure ways to get stuff poppin off if that's what you're concerned about."
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss, just kiss him with purpose…and touch his face. That's initiation enough for a man (correct me if I'm wrong, fellas, lol). He'll get the point and take it from there.
Or, just say, "I'm not sleepy. You're not sleepy, are you?" And say it like a WOMAN!!!!! #GreenLight
My favorite is:
Me: you tired?
Him: yes.
Me: too tired?
Him: no.
*bow chicka wa wa*
SlamDUNK!
LOL!
OH! Violate his sleep space! He knows thats not your sleep position so you'd only be coming over there for one reason, lol. #GreenLight
My favorite is Me: *reaches over across him to get something off his night stand that I don't need. Body grazes his ever so slightly, perfume invades his space, looks down, smiles*
Him: *Lift off*
Am I telling too much? LOL
I love you http://bit.ly/KiPGrP
🙂
lmao
Personally, I need a little more than that. When I think of initiation I think of someone taking steps to get me aroused. I may already be aroused but that's besides the point. It makes me feel good when my girlfriend gets me going, it makes me feel wanted. It also takes more than fragrance and kisses.
Quite honestly, I'm sure my hubs would appreciate more too. As do I. He gets away with thumping me in the back and saying "wanna do something." Since we have kids, we have to make the choice sometimes whether we'll take either foreplay or s.ex. My daughter is closing in on two and still doesn't sleep through the night and can interrupt us at any moment. Personally, I hate to go through ten minutes or so of foreplay and then never get to do the do bc she woke up. So I'd rather just go ahead and take the s.ex when I can get it.
I didn’t even notice that i wasn’t initiating until it was brought to my attention… Im not afraid of relations, I’m not one to NOT initiate so what gave? After thinking it through i realizes that for the 1st yr I never got a chance to & that created a habit.. once it was mentioned it was fixed but please pay attention to the patterns that are made early on in a relationship
This is a huge deal. I've talked about this over the years with several friends. Most women that I've dealt with have had an expectation that the man should initiate the gross majority of the time. The explanation I've gotten has almost made it sound like an act of chivalry. But it's very valid that guys have emotions too and egos that need to be stroked, and that can be done by having the initiation be doled out more equally. It's about being wanted. It shouldn't be like a tit for tat thing, but in the overall long term hopefully both people feel wanted.
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Men need to watch more National Geographic. If you peep them lion shows you always see the women be minding their own business taking care of Pride Rock and the man just comes up and takes the prize. If you are a king of the jungle type of fella, that's what you got to do. Just take what you want when you want it. Imagine if the lionesses was just taking control of sex too… that would be horrible, they'd soon run the pride. Keep that in mind.
I'm just joking… but serious business, only woman to ever bait a dude into sex and he liked it I know was when Nala gave Simba the eye during can you feel the love tonight.
Simba was kind of a punk tho.
He was the one true king.
And he knew he would inherit the throne even if he acted like a punk azz.
nu uh Jay. Lions mate when a female goes into heat. First the mothers teach them how to hunt and then the young lioness does like a little independent hunting thing and then when she comes back when they get at the right age, they go into heat and then they approach the male and sorta play with him for a little bit and just give him little nudges and stuff and then she lays down and he decides to mount her. Then for the next three days or so they do it every few minutes or so and then babies!
You took it way too seriously.
No I didn't. You were wrong so I corrected you. Now when you make a joke it will sound well informed. Why would you make a joke that was incorrect? I don't think it's funny unless it's true so I made it true. So now you can make another joke and maybe it will be funny.
….but I am starting to get the distinct impression it isn't about political correctness and I feel kinda stiff and humorless…
ROTFL at this entire thread! Shouts to the men who are lions though… 😉
Dr. J, I concur my brother. Being in a relationship, I feel it is my upmost duty to seize and attack whenever and however. I will say though, in my last relationship, we both initiated. When she needed it badly, like driving down Wiscousin Ave in the middle of July at 2pm and doing what she does best, it was no issue. When I needed it, I gladly took it….It did make me feel good that I didn't always have to initiate because you do want to feel that your girl is attracted to you even though I initiated 90% of the time, but that 10% was like heaven sent!
When I want it & my man is lying next to me, im trying to get it whether or not he tryna make a move or not.
I think guys like to feel just as desired as we women do & if we don’t make them feel as sexually desirable as they make us, it’ll cause problems. It’s not a confidence thing on their part, in my opinion, but one on ours, if we’re waiting for him to make a physical move all the time.
Getting waxed, shaved & stripped are great moves, but displaying that for him outta the blue could make some kinda magic happen where the magic happens.
Get ya man’s cookie, ladies! 🙂 Shydddd…..put a smile on HIS face for a change GE.
Sometimes the man has to take charge if he wants it. Its BS but thats the case. The simple solution is to find a woman who wants and enjoys sex as much as you and is willing to get it poppin whenever. Otherwise you're in for a future of magenta colored testicles
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Magenta?!?!?!
oh my… LMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just about evaporated at magenta colored boys. LMAO!
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I deal with aggressive men, and I appreciate when they let me know that they want it. But once I'm comfortable, I can let out my OWN aggressive side, and take charge when I want it. It's give and take.
But also, why didn't they just have a CONVERSATION? Why did they wait until after, have a fight, and then just cast blame every which-a-way? That seems counterproductive. If, for whatever strange reason, I felt neglected by my dude and like I'd dropped hints, I'd have TALKED to him after that ten minutes.
But honestly, my seduction isn't subtle. You get a new bikini wax, oil up and get in bed NAKED. That signal is pretty dang clear. Or sit in the dude's lap. Not much room for misinterpretation there.
Me.
I always initiate. It's better that way otherwise I'd freak out and my anxiety would be unbelievably potent to the point it wouldn't even be fun. But if I can approach a guy than I feel more confident because I'm in control of the situation. I like my mind's process. I like gauging his experience. I like inspecting what he's working with. I like looking at males from a judgemental standpoint so that I can ensure all the stuff I'm thinking about is appropriate and he can handle it. Otherwise it's gonna be overwhelming because it's not just chex. C'mon. I don't believe anyone just does it. Like. That's awkward. There has to be training and practice right? Like if I'm gonna do it with someone I want a year to prepare, get in shape, be taught ballet and contemporary jazz. Let me be a legit personal performer before you start requesting stuff of me. And for someone to have that kind of access into the depths of my curiosity they have to be legit. Like an Usher or a Willie from Day26 (not to mention CEO potential) or THAT level of blatant sexuality "yeah girl I'll be your prop. Stretch your life and exhaust all that energy".
I like a guy to be vulnerable and weak because it makes me feel my energy above my nerves and then once in my energy it's almost like a natural intricate dance. I like a guy to be able to handle it and I like to prance and show off and I like when guys just sit back and chill and let me do my thing so I'll show them what I want and initiate everything under the sun and then if he's legit he can come over and when we're in a groove he can request things of me and I'll be a professional level personal performer. Fun for me.
Ok, so, if you're married/in a long term committed relationship, I can see why this seems silly. I agree that it's dumb to both go to bed unsatisfied over some "but the man is supposed to start it" bs.
However, I can understand letting him initiate if you aren't in a committed relationship. Stop yourself right now if you want to say, "well why are you having chex with someone that you aren't in a long term, monogamous, committed relationship with!?!?!?" – it happens, let's not pretend it doesn't.
A few reasons:
a) You probably know better and are rationalizing that if you don't start things, you did what you could do to be a good girl.
b) If you are mildly attractive, men will accept chex from you regardless of their feelings for you.
Do I really have to say "Many" men? I like to think we're getting past that…I'm obviously not talking about every man.So offering it up to a dude that's using you for chex and you think has feelings for you makes you look real bad when it all comes out later. Here he's telling his boys that he'd like to cut you off but you just keep throwing the p at him and what kinda dude says no to free p? Can't keep her off my idck man! *side eye*c) You haven't made us your girl, so yes, we need constant strokes to our ego, constant reminders that yes, you find us attractive and desirable. Women control access to chex, men control access to a relationship.. Show some effort so that we can once again rationalize to ourselves why we stay in this stupid fauxlationship. Price of the game.
d) We. Don't. Like. Rejection!! Yeah, I know, neither do ya'll, but a man telling a woman no to chex!?!? http://bit.ly/KXCtcp All the sudden in our heads you aren't attracted to us, you just hopped off another chick, we need a STD test, you don't like this hairdo, we don't ride it like she does, our thighs ARE too big, etc, etc, etc down the wormhole of crazy.
So to avoid all that we let you get things started. Pleasantries. 🙂
*cheesing*
FInally! A useful comment.
Point B: Since females initiate sex do you think guys do that when you get to close to them? Like they push it away cuz it's too much to handle, but they still like it? Maybe guys just don't wanna be all like, weak and trembly and stuff cuz they're men I don't think any guy really wants a female to have so much sexual energy he loses his self control. Maybe they do that infront of their boys like….'na man chill. I still got this.'
Point C: I completely agree. I hate that though. I hate a guy showing interest and then he's just showing interest. That's a good way to get strung along so I make sure the way he shows interest is a b*ll buster. A specific one at that. #maneater. Because I'm clearly perfect who WOULDN'T be interested. I want a guy to take control of me. I want him to wade waist deep through all that energy and then just be like…..BAM! Who really cares if he high fives his boys. If I were a guy and I pulled me, I'd be pretty damn full of myself, ego and pride sky high.
I agree with you. This also sounds like a serious problem for FWB's relations because chex is the foundation of their…situation.
We don't have to deal with as much rejection as men do. They have to constantly make the first move if they're interested. Men in long-term relationships/marriages are more focused on whether they actually get the cookie. As for the battle, if the friend with benefits has caught feelings, she'll probably give in for hope's sake, and he still won't commit. *KimYe shrug*
I just want you to know this whole entire exchange had me nearly in tears with laughter. What is very interesting about this is that as a person with children, I always look at couples who live together childless longingly, like…yo they must be having ALL THE SEX EVER. Meanwhile, we gotta sneak ours in between severe lethargy, nap time/bedtimes, and occasionally during an engaging Disney mov–nevermind. The point is, you always think the grass is greener on the other side, but posts like these remind me that isn't always the case. At any rate, I think that whoever wants to have the sex should initiate it, but cautiously. If I am too aggressive, I find it turns off my partner/makes him feel emasculated. Just the right amount of sexiness/desire is key. I think a lot of times, as women, if you're thinking about it, but are not trying to "take the cucumber out of the jar"…its best to do subtle sexy things. The "hey babe can we cuddle" in short shorts, with the bed twerk up against the junk always gets the party started, you know? Get creative. Leaving sex initiation up to a man gets boring. Spice it up once in a while, and it will also boost his confidence to take the lead in situations as well.
My recent post Stop Ranting To/About Your Babydaddy & Woman Up
"What is very interesting about this is that as a person with children, I always look at couples who live together childless longingly, like…yo they must be having ALL THE SEX EVER. Meanwhile, we gotta sneak ours in between severe lethargy, nap time/bedtimes, and occasionally during an engaging Disney mov–nevermind. The point is, you always think the grass is greener on the other side, but posts like these remind me that isn't always the case."
Yes ma'am!! 5 stars for greatness
I have become a pro at sneaking… feels like high school all over again smh
It does seem that way, but I think the barriers make your qt more satisfying when you finally have time to.
As I age, I like to think the color of the grass depends on whether I'm wearing my contacts, dark shades or rose-colored glasses.
Eff all this “should” business. Once you start putting a “should” in with the sex, its ruined. There are SO many reasons a woman may or may not initiate. Shoot, I usually don’t want to initiate. I hate it when a guy wants me to initiate. The thing ain’t gon work if hes telling me to heat him up. But if im feeling my cougar, I’ve been known to slam a man on the bed and ravage him. See i can I initiate. When i want to. But don’t ask me to. It’s like head. Don’t ask. You’ll get it, but not if you ask. Is that as clear as mud? Good. It aint s’posed to make sense.
Is it a man’s responsibility to initiative sex the majority of the time? absolutely not. honestly though the men I've been in relationships don't even know how to act when a woman initiates because they aren't used to it.
I think if u want something u open ur mouth and at the very least ask for it. Like my mama used to tell me "closed mouths don't get fed."
Should it be an equal opportunity and equal exchange? Yes. Women and men who do this are playin mind games. I don't have time for head games. Thats not my style at all.
Has anyone else run into this or know someone that has? If your friend approached you and shared this story, how would you respond? I don't have this problem because I am very verbal and forthcoming about what I want. Rejection doesn't bother me to the point that I'm paranoid or suicidal so I don't stress about it.
If someone I knew was going thru this if they were the complainer I would ask them how often they initiate sex. If they said never I would say thats the problem. The solution is to initiate it when u want it, the worst a person can say is no and no is not the end of the world nor does it mean never ever again. It's just no no right now for whatever reason.
"Rejection doesn't bother me to the point that I'm paranoid or suicidal"
LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a woman feels like she doesn't want to initiate for whatever reason then that needs to be investigated.
Other point is the way your feelings are communicated. Many times people don't properly and effectively communicate their wants and needs in the relationship.
If you feel some type of way about something the proper thing to do is sit down with your partner and discuss things like 2 mature adults, and try to come to a compromise or mutal agreement on the issue. But this type of thing really should not be a big issue.
I'm a firm believer in "catch me while you can" because I'm gonna catch you while I can. If you want it, go for it. It goes both ways! Even if Aunt flo is in town and he's feelin the urge, then I get on down and handle biz with the body part that isn't Flo'ing whether it's by hand or mouth! Nice read 🙂
I feel like the so called rules are ridiculous. If u want it, come get it, doesn't matter who starts it, as long as it gets done.Yes I like to feel wanted too, but I'll be damned if just for the sake of being stubborn, I'm "going to the bathroom and coming out relieved, but unsatisfied" when its laying right there beside me. I'm touching that thigh and having the "why can't you initiate" conversation afterwards- get over it fellas
Apparently my relationships have been with all the wrong men, 'cause in my experience, initiating is the fastest way NOT to get laid, and the fastest way to start a fight. Maybe I just come on like a clown, but I swear, this has never ended well. If he wants it, he'll let me know. And if he doesn't, I can take care of business by myself.