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Relationship Survival Kit: The Five Tools of Highly Successful Summer Flings

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Don't you hate those group dinners where everyone has a date but you?

The Forever Singleplan their year out like this:

  • Labor Day – “Oh man, need to find something to cuff.”
  • Day after Thanksgiving – “Need to break this off for a few weeks to avoid spending money” or “Need to come up with a swindle that we are not exchanging gifts.”
  • Weekend before Valentine’s Day – “This is over.”
  • Valentine’s Day until Memorial Day – “Stack bread.”
  • Memorial Day – “Open season begins! Time to find some love for this Summer Rain!”

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

Today’s mix from @CarverTheGreat is just for the summer. Check it out. Download it here, or stream below:

For the young and inexperienced or those of you who just have general questions about how this system actually works, here’s your survival kit. It’s actually rather simple. There’s only one rule: this isn’t a Victoria Secret bikini, you can’t mix and match the kit. It’s all or nothing.

I wanna enjoy the luxury of like... not knowing each other for real.

1. Don’t date the unequally yoke

If you’re going to date during the summer months, try your best not to date someone who is not equally yoke with you. What this means is that the person you date has to be at the same point in their relationship expectations as you. If you meet a girl and she says, “I’m ready to settle down” and you’re not… catch the next bus.

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2. Boundaries must always be respected

Your summer boo does not get a drawer in the crib. They can’t leave their belongings in the crib. There are no standing expectations that you spend every Friday night together. If you don’t call, they’re not allowed to get upset and send you “?” text messages to jar a reaction from you. Basically… what Joey said, “My jump off doesn’t run off at the mouth so much, My jump off never ask why I go out so much, My jump off never has me going out of my way, And she don’t want nothing on Valentine’s Day, My jump off don’t argue or get rebellious, And she don’t mind hanging out with da fellas, My jump off’s not insecure or jealous!”

You got tagged in this photo, but you refuse to change your relationship status on Facebook?

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Practice saying, “I am not ready for a relationship” in the mirror at least 25 times a day. Quiet moments always lead to a conversation about “where is this going?” Here’s the thing, I’m not saying you should avoid that conversation. I just think you have to communicate it frequently. Learn the expectations and boundaries and communicate them to the point of exhaustion. I’m going to get in trouble for this one… if you have told them that you don’t want anything serious and they have an epiphany that they do? That’s their problem.

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4. Don’t throw around the L-word

Fellas if you really want a girl to like you, use the L-word… WISELY. Say things like, “I love this restaurant,” “I love that outfit,” “I love your hair,” or “I love Redbox.” Women really just like the way the L-word sounds. Just don’t ever direct that L-word in your summer boo’s direction. When people start throwing around the L-word things just get weird. You can’t really hope to have any freedom once you guys start ending phone conversations with “I love you” and “I love you too.”

Could she be The One?

5. What if you want it to last?

If you find yourself really wanting the relationship to progress into an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship… stop. LOL, just joking, there’s actually way you can get that to happen. If you want it to last, scroll all the way up to the top of this post and look at that calendar. There’s a spot open for cuffing season. If it was me, I would just follow the three golden rules of dating: 1) don’t stress them out; 2) don’t screw it up; and 3) make their life better. Follow those three steps and it still may not work out for you, but at least you gave it a shot.

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I’ve been on several sides of the game when it comes to summer relationships. Sometimes, I didn’t want anything serious at all. Other times, I actually met someone who I wanted to wife down at the very moment I met them. The worst part of summer flings is that you have to be mindful that you’ll likely get hurt if you’re expecting anything to come of it. I dated the perfect girl and wanted to make her my girlfriend. To her, I was just the ball coming off the rim. In my lifetime, I have found this survival kit to be the best way to protect not only yourself but also your partner. That’s all I got for y’all today. Enjoy your weekend, and I’ll see you back here next Friday with another installment of my series on Combating the Female Fear of Rejection. Cheers.

– Dr. J

Comment(26)

    1. Agreed…beaches, cookouts, block parties, your summer fling gotta be something worth showing off, save the girl with personality for september lol

      1. If it's just a fling why r yall doin so much gf/bf stuff that will confuse family and friends?????
        I didn't think there was much of a difference between a fling and an fwb????? Maybe I'm wrong though….someone please assist and provide clarification.

        1. Smh @ Jay. Now THIS is how you reference nature. This is an awesome metaphor AND it put a smile on my face.

          +55

  1. Even easier date a girl who goes to school out of state, hell gas is like 4 dollars she can go to school out of town and thats good enough reason…she aint tryna be wifed after labor day no way

      1. your missing out on some great sex. dont limit yourself to cold airconditioning. enjoy the body natural heat and smells. wonderful

  2. You know, I decided to take the summer off and do absolutely nothing but every questionable act ever. I don't even think I'd be in a summer relationship I think I'd just go to Jamaica or Havana and lose myself to one of those Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights type venues. Be a cute, naive little toy to some tropical lover with a gentle touch and a way with words. It would be nice. I'll keep this stuff in mind.

  3. I think that the key to a great summer fling, is that you can't expect too mcuh of anything. It's just that: a fling and if you have that thought in your mind the probability of getting your feelings hurt are slim

  4. Playlist for today's mix:

    1. Can We Chill by Ne-Yo

    2. Baby Be Mine by MJ

    3. U Know What’s Up by Donell Jones & Left Eye

    4. After Party by Koffee Brown

    5. Hot Tonite by New Edition

    6. I Need A Girl, Pt. 2 by Diddy & Ginuwine

    7. I Don’t Care by Raheem Devaughn

    8. Good Love by Mary J. Blige & T.I.

    9. Because Of You by Ne-Yo

    10. Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

    11. You’re Not My Girl by Ryan Leslie

    12. Kiss by Prince

    1. #11 is a guilty pleasure of mine. Really good playlist overall…

      "I would just follow the three golden rules of dating: 1) don’t stress them out; 2) don’t screw it up; and 3) make their life better. Follow those three steps and it still may not work out for you, but at least you gave it a shot."

      Agree! If two people are compatible and manage to do these 3 things, they'll naturally just keep on keeping on, especially number 3. If they don't, it was a fling anyway. if they're guilty of 1 and 2 on a regular basis, 3 is out.

  5. zZzZ….let’s play pretend anybody ever successfully controls
    1. Whether you meet someone who wants a summer fling with your trifling azz
    2. Whether you will want more than a fling once you get to know the person
    3. Whether the person yo are plotting and perpetuating on isnt doing the same and plans to dump you in July for a better deal….etcetera.

    So many unknowns. I love people who make “rules” for dating as if the diversity of humanity is merely a chart on a page. Bless their hearts.

  6. Doc J you forgot plenty of profylactics and safe sex.
    This also works best with really young girls who just wanna have fun,
    and older divorcee's who just wanna have fun.

  7. Summer Fling, sounds good to me… As long as we both know up front what it is, we both know where it begin and ends there should be any love lost right? Its when people start getting things confused that end up with their feelings hurt. I visited this new site, and they have secret encounters and people asked in a poll what you thought about it. I'm with that too. Hey you only live once, as long as its safe and you dont hurt anyone.

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