Editor’s Note: A few members of the SBM team have begun contributing their thoughts on dating and relationships to the popular website, Madame Noire. This week I was asked to provide the male perspective on if or when women should offer to pay for dates in response to the following article from Marissa Ellis’ Dating Dynamics: When Should You Start Paying for Dates?
Considering that all my friends have different perspectives on this topic, I definitely would say there are no rules, although non-oblivious folks have clear opinions on the matter. Those two friends I mentioned previously, who believed in not paying during the initial dating phase, believe that they’re setting a certain standard of how they’d like to be treated. They see themselves as prizes to be won; women to be supremely courted. If they make it too easy for these men, then he would undermine their value.
As Marissa said, “there are no rules.” I’m also not sure most men’s expectations adjust in direct correlation with the amount of money they spend or “invest” in a woman. For instance, the type of man who expects sex or a relationship from a woman will likely expect sex or a relationship from a woman regardless of the amount of money he does or does not spend in acquiring his goal. In other words, just because a man takes you on a $200 dinner date doesn’t mean he suddenly feels you owe him something in return. He most likely felt you owed him something by merely being in his presence. The dinner is only a means to an end. I (hope) you don’t believe every man who pays for dinner feels the woman owes him something in return. Further…
The more successful a man is the less value he places on individual dating expenses. This is one of the faults in basing your worth on how much money a man does or does not spend on you. While I see the logic behind this idea, it becomes less applicable as you date men that are more successful. Is a man who respects you but does not have the financial means to court you greater than a man who doesn’t respect you but does have the means to court? Perhaps you desire both qualities – financial stability and R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Regardless, it is far less taxing on a man who makes $130,000 a year to take you on expensive dates than it is for a man who makes $30,000 a year, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he has more feelings for you. Therefore, assuming a man who spends more money courting – on dinner or other activities – equates to him having more feelings invested in you can be misleading or outright wrong. Men with money can afford to spend more of their money completely independent of how they feel about you as a person…
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Also, please be sure to check out my previous MadameNoire post here.