The digital age. What a great time to be alive. Everything has gotten faster, smaller, easier but in some aspects, have things gotten too easy? In this instance, I’m referring to dating, especially when it comes to men courting women. I had an interesting revelation the other day but I’ll get to that in a minute.
I don’t know about you but lately I’ve had entire relationships reduced to nothing more than text messages. Ok, that’s a little extreme. Let’s say these relationships were predominately reduced to text messages. Dates where scheduled, meet-ups planned, sex incurred, all without any significant amount of oral. No pun intended.
I did a little math formula on Twitter to illustrate this conundrum. I have an unlimited text plan. I believe it cost around $20. For ease, let’s say I send 1,000 text messages a month. That means I’m paying roughly $.02 per text. Therefore, I pay $1 for every 50 texts sent. While I don’t know the exact statistics, I can assure you I have de-thonged women in less than 50 texts before. Does that mean women are giving up sex for less than $1 in 2011? Hmmm. Either way, as an article that I linked to in a prior write-up stated, “sex is clearly cheap for men” – and it appears women suffer disproportionately as a result.
If you would have told me in college there would come a time when women would have sex with you for nothing more than a few clever text messages sprinkled with strategically placed emoticons :-), then I would have called you a crazy person. Times have changed. Slowly but surely, I’ve gotten lazier and lazier and didn’t even realize it. Suddenly, texts are my primary means of communication.
In High School I would call 2 – 3 times before giving up. In college, I’d call 1 – 3 times and leave a voice mail. Presently, I’ll call once, maybe. I sure as hell don’t leave voicemails (I’m not even sure my own voicemail is set up), and I MIGHT follow-up with a text message or two. My theory is the phone works both ways. If a woman doesn’t call or text back, I assume she’s not that interested and quickly move on with life. What is the residual effect of all this?
Let’s get back to my revelation. I was telling my friend about this girl I ‘really liked’ but I didn’t think it was going to work out because I was tired of chasing her. My friend asked me to explain what I did before giving up. I told her that I called once or twice and sent one or two text messages. There was a brief silence – and I’ll spare you the profanity laced details – but basically, she cursed me out and in so many words called me a lazy bastard. I couldn’t get upset because she was right.
You see, over the years I’ve become so spoiled by all these various forms of communication that even when confronted by a woman I really liked I considered a couple phone calls and a few text messages sufficient enough to demonstrate my interest. That is sad.
I’ll attempt to explain this further without sounding too cocky, but it is what it is. I feel like the kid that did well in school but never studied. I have always done well with women without ever trying particularly hard. Now I’m in a transitional phase. I’m trying to get into the “ivy league” school; serious relationships with more substance and long-term sustainability than those I’ve entered into before. However, since I never learned to study, it has at times proven difficult and required more effort than I’m accustom to. Sure, I could continue with my familiar habits but they may not result in an acceptance letter: e.g. a serious relationship vs. additional superficial relationships. As women are all to eager to remind me, “nothing worth having comes easy.”
So readers, in your opinion does all this technology hamper establishing healthy relationships? Can you connect equally through text, Gchat, Facebook or other as much or more so than over the phone or face to face? It’s a known fact that men and women interpret communication differently but do you consider it sufficient communication regardless of the medium used? Do these various communications expedite serious and sustainable relationships or hinder them? To both the men and women, does technology make men lazy in courting/dating/and the pursuit and/or expectation of sex? Or are both parties equally liable in establishing the “value” of sex?
Admin Note: This article was originally published in April of 2011. With so many new readers in the mix today, we want to make sure we share some of the “oldies but goldies” with you. Now on with the discussion!