Home Dating & Relationships Dating Should Women Date Men Who Pay For Dates With Coupons?

Should Women Date Men Who Pay For Dates With Coupons?


The social media landscape is full of people who never lose in their lives, are perfect 10s in looks, make millions of dollars, and live life to the fullest. At least this is the impression that most people give on Facebook and Twitter. In real life, they aren’t even close to the expectations and standards that they set in the virtual world. The advantage to watching the hypocrisy and judgment ensue is that they bring up excellent topics to discuss on SBM! So as I skimmed my timeline, I saw the discussion revolving around dating (as usual). Women seemed to be in an uproar over men who paid for dates with coupons. Some were appalled, while others didn’t have a problem. I saw men staying relatively silent on this topic, probably because sports or music was more prevalent that day. I decided to embrace this debate and blog out loud about the pros and cons of dating a man who pays for a date with a coupon.

Pro – Men Exhibit Fiscal Responsibility

I’ve said this ad nauseum in the 6+ years that I have blogged, but women don’t respect a man who doesn’t have a grasp on his finances. If you have made the proper connections in life, and done even minimalistic research into stores, products, and deals, then you should never pay for everything at full price. The benefit of an under performing national economy is that every business wants your patronage, and they are willing to sweeten deals. Look no further than to sites like LivingSocial and Groupon to see that companies want your money and have a plethora of deals to show you! I made  a vow that I didn’t want to pay for certain things at full price (or at all), so instead of becoming a stick up kid, I started using my resources. I do product reviews for companies, and I’m fortunate to work with people in different industries who can put me on to the best deal possible. Dinners and dates are no different. If restaurant week comes to NYC, be sure that I will take advantage and enjoy high quality meals and discount prices. To me, there is no shame in that. I do believe that a man should pay for the first date regardless of what a woman says. it’s just customary. If a woman is getting a free meal, I don’t see why it matters whether or not that meal is discounted. Women should salute a man for getting the most bang for their buck, because that means there’s more money left over to spend on nice things for the both of you (if you get that far with him).

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Con – A Thin Line Between Frugal And Cheap

The flipside of finding a deal is the perception that you are cheap. There’s nothing wrong with getting a deal and flipping that into an awesome night for you and a lady friend, but when you don’t want to spend money without the benefit of a price break, you look suspect. I’m not one to be all up in another person’s bank account, but there is a time and place for everything. Men will spend money on electronics, clothes, cars, and anything else that interest them. When you hesitate to spend that same kind of money on a woman, they will notice and keep that in the back of their head. Women, well good women, will not hesitate to spend money on a man when they know that you will do the same for them. One would have to wonder if the cheapness a man exhibits correlates directly to the level of admiration they have for that woman. Now all cases are different, and money spent doesn’t always mean that you love a woman, but no one likes a cheap skate. It’s cool to splurge within reason.

Con – Perception Of The Coupon

Although I do agree that fiscal responsibility is an admirable trait that men can exhibit, I am a big proponent of tact. I don’t have a problem with paying for a date with a coupon, but I cant front as if I’ve ever done that before. Honestly, I don’t know how comfortable I would feel whipping out a “2 for 1 drinks Taco Tuesday” special coupon on a date without fear of judgment from a woman. Woman might see the coupon and be reminded of younger days when men they dated considered breakfast at IHOP as gourmet dining. They will tell you that coupon dinners are cool when it’s fast food or chain restaurant dining, but at a nicer establishment or a more formal sit-down dinner it’s out of line. They will feel like the dinner is sub par even if it’s the best meal they have ever eaten! I don’t look at this as logical, but these are real feelings from women and real apprehension from men. If I paid for a meal via coupon, the woman would never know because I would utilize tact. There’s no need for them to know that I got a discount. I’d rather avoid the potential judgment and side eyes by taking care of those minute details in the shadows.

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Pro – The Experience > The Cost Of The Meal

On the same note, you can pay for a meal via some type of discount special, and still retain the ambiance of a high quality meal. There’s no need to swindle a woman into thinking that you are a baller when your bank account is regular. A woman will eventually find out what type of dough you actually hold. However, you can have her focus on the experience itself, and not the price point. Some of the nicest restaurants in the US are more than affordable, but have an air of premium dining about them. The experience of a quality date is greater than the price, and it doesn’t hurt that a man can save an extra buck or 20. While I’m on the subject of coupon dates, what’s the difference between a coupon and a hookup by the establishment? If I had a coupon for a free meal at a five star restaurant where we would eat for free, and I knew the owner of a restaurant who allowed me to eat on their dime, is the difference only semantics?

In the end, I don’t think it’s wrong for a man to pay for a date with a coupon, especially if he is paying for the entire date! I would just caution against the tact used in applying that coupon on a date. No matter how much a woman would say that it was cool, I would have a feeling that some type of clowning would ensue either their, down the line, or to her homegirls. You don’t want to damage your brand, but you don’t want to front either. It’s a slippery slope. Women, if you have a good guy treating you right, or a potential good dude who wants to spend time with you and treat you to dates, don’t judge him on how he gets it done. Focus on the experience itself. Some of the same people creating these standards of dating are the same ones who spend Friday night curled up with their laptops and copies of 50 Shades of Grey, listening to the latest Adele CD with no type of male companionship on the horizon. Given the choices, I would say the dude with the coupon would be a healthier alternative.

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To coup or not to coup, that is the question I pose to you SBM readers! What are some pros and cons of dining on a budget?

Women – Any experiences with this situation? Does it help or hurt a man’s chances with you? 

Men – Have you blatently coupon’d on a date? How did you feel afterwards? Did you still hit (kidding but not really)?




Admin Note:  Just a heads up that the next SBM NYC event is scheduled for THIS Friday, July 27th at Empire Room in Manhattan. CLICK HERE For Details


  1. Other than the possibility that he might be the “we can’t go if there’s no coupon” man, I don’t think there are any other cons to dating a guy that uses coupons. Lots of credit card companies (AMEX, VISA) offer their customer’s rewards in the form of dinning coupons and discounts. Also websites like Living social give people the chance to explore new scenery at a deal/discount, so a man using coupons in this day and age doesn’t always equate to him being cheap. If a man can take use on a nice outing and save a little money in the mean time, why not. As long as a coupon is not the requirement for us to have a night out on the town, then I have no issue with it. (P.S. if you pull out a coupon to save money, you can also cover the tab with no issue since you have the extra pocket change lol) My friend went on a date with one guy, he used a coupon, which was no problem, but he still asked her to cover her half of the bill. Funny thing is he thought he had a chance for a second “date” .

    1. Smilez if that was a first date and this guy didn't make a lotta money or just didn't have it like that then I don't see anything wrong with going dutch. I like guys who let the woman choose the date and the activity the first time. Then as the woman you can choose something inexpensive that you can easily cover yourself.
      As much as I understand women wanting the man to pay and thinking "if he is trying to impress me and it's the first date he needs to pay." But my thing is it's only a first date. That should be the time where you decide if you like the person enough to spend more time with them. I don't think men should have to pay for a woman's time, which is kind of what they are doing. The mans time is just as important. For the most part imo first dates should be kept fairly light. Then as time goes on then yes, the man can pay if he wants to continue seeing the woman. But ladies shouldn't be so hard on guys on first dates.
      Another thing is this, I'm pretty practical. I would much rather my man have money to pay the bills than spending it on me. If he has the extra money to do it then fine, it's all good, but if not he needs to have his priorities straight and not be spending money he doesn't have. Getting my hair and nails done and taking me out on the town will not pay the rent and utilities. ijs.

      1. They didn’t go to an expensive place lol that’s the thing. She had money to cover the bill but to me if you ask me out, choose the location , have a coupon and still can’t cover the tab, then you should have choose something else for us to do. She was down to just get an ice cream and talk, but he picked this location. I’m 21 so most of he guys I’ve went on dates minus 1 or 2 are young (22-24) and still getting their careers and finances together, so I have no problem going to free events, using coupons or doing more cost efficient yet fun activities because I understand their situation. If a man is dating and he doesn’t have a little extra to spare to go out and have a good tone then he needs to focus on getting he’s money together and take a step back from dating for a while.( same for women to, there’s nothing worst than a broke chick or fake fancy chick walking around here going on dates for just meals, or asking guys to take her to resturants she can’t afford even if she just had to pay for herself)

        1. ok Smilez if he chose the place had a coupon and still couldn't pay yeah that is wack…point taken.
          If he seriously didn't have the money to cover both of them he should've said that. If he is just the type of man that expects a woman to be "independent" and able to carry her own weight he should've said that also. Thats something men should make known before they even meet up to go out, (they won't) but they should. Men yall know this is a big deal for women. Save yourself some grief and just let her know what the deal is from the door and let her decide if she's cool with it or not.

        2. WTF. You're only 21? I suddenly like you now I thought you were like…27. Wow! Your development is really advanced to be 21 that's really cool. I effs with you now.

          Yeah, with younger guys I actually prefer he be fiscally responsible instead of uber trying to impress when he doesn't have it like that yet. I actually like laid back outtings. My friend has a nice backyard and this little patio thing his brother built. Lets see shapes in the clouds or star gaze. I like simple stuff. Let me watch you do some stuff with your engine I have no idea what you're doing. I just like being around him. It's more so about the laughs and positivity and good times for me but when we had to get into the deeper discussions, I kinda liked quarterbacking his finances and career development. It makes me feel special. I can't say that I mind the simpler things while he's finding his footing in the world, especially with the state our country is currently in.

    2. My best friend has just announced her wedding with a millionaire. They met via ) ==== cougarkissing_com ==== ( It's the best place to meet rich successful men & classy beautiful women. Our members include CEOs, pro athletes, doctors, lawyers, models, and celebrities….Maybe you can take a try.

  2. I don't see anything wrong with using coupons. In this economy I don't see any Cons. Like Smilez said only if you let coupons impede you from doing things you want to do, like not doing anything or going anywhere unless u have a coupon. Thats doin too much. But I agree that it's smart and shows good budgeting. Having a very active social life and dating can be costly depending on what your doing and how often. Unless you have the extra money for it and it's part of your budget then it could definitely leave a pretty serious dent in your pockets when you look at how much you spend in a month, it adds up.
    If anything I've tried to help guys I've dated not spend too much money, especially if I know they don't have it like that, or even if they do their lifestyle is costly and their money goes to it. Either way it's not like they got hundreds or thousands of xtra dollars to spend all the time without it affecting them.
    I can always find something free or very cheap to do. That's one of my best skills. I'm subscribed to so many social sites that have coupons and deals so it makes it easy to find stuff to do, places to go and eat at for much less. I always sign up for coupons and deals because it helps me budget my money and not overspend. I still get to have fun and eat at nice places but don't spend a lot. I'm the queen of partying on a budget……lol

  3. Its all about style. If he's pulling out a big coupon book and scissors and all, then I'd see nothing wrong with her just taking a bathroom break and never coming back. But if done correctly, its similar to dating somebody who's got hook-ups. That's a plus right? And it goes both ways. If I'm going out with somebody and she refuses to go anywhere but the places having Restaurant week or wherever the sales are, that gets annoying after a while.
    My recent post How Could You Possibly Love/Hate Math?

    1. Lol is 2012 most coupons are smart phone accessible … Just pull out you phone show the waiter slowly slide it in your pocket

  4. I totally agree with this article! Its not all about the money or that the guy has to show me how much of a "baller" he is…its about tact and the experience!!! Ive had a dude who MADE me order more food just so he could use his coupon and save a few more dollars! That was the first date and that was extremely lame! Since he was an otherwise good guy, I tried to overlook that. I gave this dude a few more chances to redeem himself and he ended up being that man who couldn't go ANYWHERE if he didn't have a "connect" there that would give him a discounted meal or hookup!! That was a major turnoff!!

  5. As long as it’s not extreme couponing, I’m pretty easy 😉 (That was a joke btw) I don’t see anything wrong with it. Nothing like a man that can be frugal and suave “at the same damn time.” *insert fatasizing effects here*

    Anywho, funny story! I was having a relatively deep conversation with a guy that I had just met and in the mist of everything, he comes out and says, “we should go out to eat, maybe try out Popeyes. I heard it was really good and cheap.” He was playing one of those mind games with me to see how I would respond. LMAO!!! My response: “Oh hell yea!! Loves the red beans and rice!!” His face was priceless!! Can’t attach a coupon to that one!

      1. LMAO! Awwww come on Streetz!! We could share a shrimp box. It would be just like sharing ice cream LOL!!! 😉

        1. Uh-uhn Bree!! You see that's gon be extra cause I like gravy on everything. And an extra cup of gravy is a little expensive. LOL!!!

        2. sense if he went to B-more he could get an enfamous "chicken box" for under $5.00 and a sweet tea… ha ha

  6. Good post Streetz. As a brother, I personally have no issue using a coupon on a date especially in this tight economy. On the other hand, I think you should use it when you have atleast a good rapport with the young lady you are dating. Maybe not on the first few dates, but if you find a coupon at a restaurant that you wouldn't mind going to, why would a woman be so shallow and look at you side ways?? You are flipping the bill, correct? Balling on a budget in 2012 is what's in!

  7. I could never ever pull out out a coupon on a date, that's insane to me. If its that bad I wouldn't even date.

    1. + 1 to a certain extent. Sometimes you run across a good deal and uyou just take advantage. But other than that if your pockets are that tight dont date, focus on getting your money right.

        1. much better than the dude who is pretending that he has money to spend on eating out. I don't see any problem with a dude being real about his finances from the beginning.
          Then again, I see eating out as a luxury…
          My recent post Songs on Repeat

        2. Like someone who is fiscally responsible. Is the point of the relationship to impress somebody with my money or with me as a person?

          Meh, maybe I'm more concerned with my FICO than some random chick opinion of my finances.

        3. Is the point of the relationship to impress somebody with my money or with me as a person?

          Keepin it real – its about both..you dont have to impress but its a factor when she scores the date

        4. The impression should come from my charm, wit, and the conversation we had. Too many are giving too much power to people they barely know.

          But that's a different conversation.

        5. Yeah, to be honest I like getting to know people as people. The most impactful interaction I had with a man is because of who HE is just as a person. He's someone I cherish and the experiences I've had with him are ones I cherish because of who HE is. It's cool of him to know I like quality things and hold off on the outtings until he can do that stuff for me and I'm generally cool about it. Cuz I mean, playing Monopoly at the crib vs. going out to dinner is kinda cool when you're considering someone as a partner or mate. Like….did you just….outsmart me and buy half the board…..*impression made*

        6. "Too many are giving too much power to people they barely know." <<<<THIS>>>>> right here is my point. Thank you DeKeLa. So glad somebody gets it.

        7. It's a matter of opinion of course, but trying to impress with money has sent more than one man apacking after a date with me.

          If the most impressive and interesting thing about you is your bank acount, this isn't going to work. But like I said, I know it matters/works for some people but I bet not ever hear you complaining about gold diggers when your primary bait is gold…

    2. I kinda agree. Granted, when I'm just starting to date a guy I want to get to know HIM, figure out if our personalities vibe and the whole nine…we can do that chillin by the lake listening to music. However, dating (regardless of how creative you get) can be expensive. If you're dating with the intentions of building a relationship, one thing I'll wonder is whether you're financially stable. If you're couponing everything we do I have to assume that your finances are tight and that your priorities are out of whack.

      1. “If you’re couponing everything we do I have to assume that your finances are tight and that your priorities are out of whack.”

        That’s how I feel about it. I pick up on stuff like that so I don’t wanna be forced to pretend that I don’t for the sake of your pride. Don’t intentionally lowball me because you’re irresponsible and then try to hide it. If we’re going to be in a relationship how you handle money has lasting effects on our security and stability which is a lot of the reason I responded so well to someone who let me have that say in that part of our relationship; and like Star, 10 times out of 10, I will deny or reject a man who solely approaches me on the basis of money. I kinda like doing big things on a budget because it shows you can work with me and we can go somewhere. I’m all for frugal wealth building. THAT impresses me when it comes to money. and also….’I found a coupon for that insanely priced thing you like’ = really sweet and endearing imo.

        1. I guess the key thing here for me is, I consider parts of a relationship to be a partnership and in a partnership I'm depending on you in ways, shapes and forms. I need to know if you're being frugal because we can do something really great for ourselves and it allows us to save up or if you've been irresponsible and this behavior pattern will wreak havoc on us in the future. I'm not going to NOT question your finances if my love of quality offends you but at the same time, I'm absolutely cool getting quality things at good prices. I just want the quality.

  8. Let me get this straight: her a$$ is eating for free, and she would take exception because I didn't pay enough? As if the experience of the date changed in any way, shape or form?

    I've never used a coupon on a date, but I assure you that if I did and the lady took exception, she would immediately go from "potential" to "jumpoff".

    1. I coulda just not posted what I did this morning if I woulda had time to read the comments first.

      Hugh SAID that.

      1. Young Heaux: "Why haven't you ever used a coupon?"

        To me, it's more of a hassle to remember to bring them and carry them around. I'm lazy like that. It's also why I don't buy things that have a rebate. I wait to the last minute to send them in, and half of the time, I forget. And I'll never be the guy with a bunch of coupons, going through them to see the deals and cutting them out. My time is worth more than how long it takes to do all that.

  9. This is one of those often occurrences is relationship matters when women will completely BS all through this as if they don't have a problem with a man using coupons because they know if they say they do, they'll be thought of as high maintenance or stuck up. To be honest, i've known more women than not who have commented on a man using a coupon on a date. If there was no problem with it, there wouldn't be an issue to comment about.

    1. I don’t think the problem is using the coupon or discount, it how you use it and what are the limitations when using it. A woman wants a man that fiscally responsible, but that doesn’t mean squeezing onto every nickel and dime that you have. For example if I name a reasonably priced restaurant to go to and you say “hmm I don’t have a coupon for that” then heck no we can’t continue to date. Or if you take me to an establishment and your coupon limits what I can get (like buy one chicken sampler get the other fish sampler free) and all I can get is the fish even though I’m allergic, then yea get your cheap butt out of my face. Its 2012 so lots of new chic restaurants (at least in NYC) have living social deals online, or restaurant week (discounted prices) or maybe some type of deal. If you come to me and go “hey I found a deal this new restaurant on living social want to try it out” then it’s no problem. I don’t think women have a problem with a deal being used once in a blue, but if its every single time, eventually he will start to limit your dating location possibilities (even if there reasonable) and that’s not cool.

      1. And if the man was couponing it on the first and second date, then I can see where the woman might show concern. It could foreshadow things (dates) to come (cheap not willing to spend a little extra. A woman should take notice of that especially if she’s the type that doesn’t mine giving up a few extra reasonable dollars for a good time)

    2. Doc J a man with money is not the be all for every woman. I think all the ladies that say it doesn't matter that much to them, it really doesn't. If the woman is making enough money herself that she can pay for herself then she isn't sweating it. For many women though it's the principle. Every woman does want a man that is financially secure, but not all women assume a man is cheap or not financially secure just becauses he uses coupons.

        1. I'm not mad Doc J. And i wasn't "reacting" I was merely replying to this comment of yours –
          "This is one of those often occurrences is relationship matters when women will completely BS all through this as if they don't have a problem with a man using coupons because they know if they say they do, they'll be thought of as high maintenance or stuck up."
          I just disagreed with that statement thats all.

        2. But that didn't insinuate that women only date men who have money. You jumped the gun. Like, if you read the whole comment, I stated that it was more about the fact that if it's coming up over and over again then it must be a problem. It's not about the man having money. It's about the statement the use of a coupon makes. You flying off about finances… it wasn't about all that.

        3. I get what ur saying Doc J. It's always about finances though, or lack thereof. I thought the point was thats what using a coupon represented to women, lack of money, or not wanting to spend money. Correct me if I'm wrong.

  10. *sigh*

    I'm gonna sound like your mother so I'm just gonna go with “if you've found a good guy….just enjoy the experience.”

  11. " If I had a coupon for a free meal at a five star restaurant where we would eat for free, and I knew the owner of a restaurant who allowed me to eat on their dime, is the difference only semantics?"


    I've used a coupon on a date before. It was for drinks on the rooftop of this hotel, though. At my job our employee discount network allows me to buy a $4 restaurant certificate for $25 worth of food at [insert establishment here]. Nice places, also. Of course the fine print says you must purchase at least $40 or so worth of food so it's basically 50% off which is still not bad and the certs never expire. I bought 2 over a year ago and have yet to use them, lol. No real reason to be honest. Forgot I had them until just now. Thanks for the reminder!

    1. Also, I noticed a banner ad at the top of the page is for purchasing Restaurant coupons….coincidence??? lol.

      1. Ha ha! Nah, not in the DMV. I'll be that way next in September…would be a good time to do another SBM happy hour there….y'all should offer drink coupons! lol

        1. Right right Larry. Hopefully I'll see u in September…I'll bring my groupons and coupons and you can bring yours…..*smile*

  12. I love Living Social and Groupon deals. I don't love the excess email. Just figured out the settings though, so I put an end to that.

    If a female friend was like, "i don't know about this guy. He definitely pulled out his…

    groupon print-out to cover most of our meal. That's a little cheap to me," I'd cast a side-eye and ask her how the date was otherwise. Cost of date is not equal to the experience of the date.
    My recent post A Little Inspiration and Positivity for You

    1. "cost of date is not equal to the experience of the date"

      Funny thing is my friend and I had a conversation about this on Sunday night how she dated this man who will remain nameless and how cheap he was. He was all about groupon/living social deals and always wanted to go dutch. That is a complete turn off. There is a thin line between cheap and trying to be frugal.

      1. ok the guys who are using coupons, groupons and whatever else that want to go dutch I'm not getting? So they use the coupon for themselves and expect the woman to pay her full half?
        Is this the first date or post first date?
        Ladies what if the man is in Grad School or something? This may be veering off the main topic a little, but would you Not date someone who is frugal/cheap for good reason, but will potentially be making six figures in the near future?

        1. There’s a difference between being cost conscience and plan old cheap/ tacky. People in grad school work most of the times. Of course I know he has other finicially responsibilities,he needs to consider that before dating. I can’t knock groupon and living social because the deals are usually to nice establishments. It’s not like he’s taking me to Applebee’s with a groupon. I would date the Grad student but I would also expect him to understand that when I go out on a date I want to do something nice. Again it doesn’t have to be overly expensive but it shouldnt be cheap and tacky either.

    2. Living Social is the worse, its like the girl you give your number too and she blows it all the way up

  13. I use Groupon/ LIving Social deals all the time, it's a great way to find out about new places and do things outside of your comfort zone while not breaking the bank.

    I usually tell my date upfront that I saw a deal/received a discount/got a hookup and wanted to try it out. I never had a problem of someone giving me the side eye. If she was to feel a certain way about coupons, she can feel free to leave.

    Besides, unless homegirl is paying my bills, putting gas in my car or picking up the tab, keep quiet and enjoy the experience.

    1. "If she was to feel a certain way about coupons, she can feel free to leave.

      Besides, unless homegirl is paying my bills, putting gas in my car or picking up the tab, keep quiet and enjoy the experience."

      This. 1,000 times, this. Again, I've never used a coupon on a date, and I rarely use coupons ever. But the point is her only problem is I didn't part with as much cash as I could have. Because for some reason paying full price means I care so intimately for this stranger that I'm on the first date with. Not doing so means I either can't afford it, or it's some sort of omen of things to come.

      Seriously, in what situation does anyone EVER pay more for something than they have to? Who goes to a grocery store, sees milk is on sale and tells the cashier, "nah, I'll pay full price". No matter how much a man wants the new iPad, if he can get $50 off, he's taking it. Who goes to a car dealership and tells the salesperson, "I'm not negotiating with you or looking around, I'm paying full price for this car!"

      1. *feeling exceptionally awkward*

        My father.

        Which is why I have such a hard time adjusting to men sometimes. If I go to the store and my dad sees that I've chosen something just because it's a better deal than what I actually want, he will stand there and chastise me to death with a lesson about quality products. So when it comes to a man and I'm like….'YAY! eight dollar salt!!' and he's looking at me like I'm type crazy….I get stressed out. but it's when a man goes 'well, if she likes quality let me do what I need to do to ensure she has it' that I feel cool simmering down about cost. I'd rather play Jenga than go out to dinner anyway. It's a soothing, happy medium.

      2. Lol I agree Hugh but maybe some women feel that if they start out as the cheap date they’ll always be the cheap date. Not saying its true but maybe it’s just how some women feel hence why the coupon is an issue. Personally I think women put to much emphasis on the wrong things. For example the last three guys you dated/messed with wouldn’t even take you on a date, now you meet a nice man, who your interested in and he wants to take you out and you side eye him because he took you to a nice spot on groupon :/ . I don’t care about you taking me to have a nice time on living Social, I just need to know that if living social/ groupon can’t come in , in the clutch that you don’t mined pulling out a few extra bucks to go out and have fun.

        1. Smilez_920: "I agree Hugh but maybe some women feel that if they start out as the cheap date they'll always be the cheap date. Not saying its true but maybe it's just how some women feel hence why the coupon is an issue."

          I'm not disagreeing with you, but it is the general attitude; the perception of getting a discount meaning you can't afford it, or that since he used a coupon, he will always use one or just not go out.

          The coupon means you have the opportunity to save some money. My best friend's wife is the discount queen, both of them make decent money, but she'll still go to the grocery store armed with a purse full of coupons. It's not that she can't afford to pay that extra 50 cents for a can of Lysol, but why not save money when you can?

          Besides, it's the first date! According to comments in previous posts, women were saying they don't need anything super expensive or fancy on the first date, but using a coupon is an issue now? (Again, not that you were saying that.)

        2. Another thing that we ie "black folks" need to understand and practice more is saving when and however you can. This is one of the things that help you maintain your wealth so you have money to do big things. Like go to a Knicks game at Madison, or vacation for a week or 2 in France or rent your own island somewhere in the Caribbean.
          I work in Corporate America with white folks who stay looking at ways to save money. In business and in their personal lives they look for and will use any and every discount and coupon that they can get their wealthy hands on. It's very smart and financially sensible and the reason why they always have a lot of money in the bank.
          Like you said Hugh, only a fool would pay more for something they could get for less money. Folks forget how money spent for little things can add up to a big amount over time..

  14. Great points in this post! I'm kind of with you in the fact that I don't really see much of a problem with men paying for dates with coupons. I can see both sides because i'm frugal myself. I LOVE a deal and so I know all about Groupon, Living Social, and many other daily deal sites. It's definitely a thin line between being frugal and cheap, and if I were a guy I may not pay for a 1st date with a coupon because I would not want to possibly make a bad impression. When he does use the coupon I think that he should try to be discreet about it, especially if the situation is in the beginning stages. If yall "go together" then all bets are off and we are using coupons freely. But seriously, I can really apprieciate a man that shows me that he's responsible. At the end of the day you can't REALLY complain if he is paying.

    1. Constance: "At the end of the day you can't REALLY complain if he is paying."

      Gospel. I guess a man paying for the first date isn't enough anymore. We have to make sure it's full price also.

      1. Exactly, I'm almost inclined to say that we should be glad he is taking us out AND paying (coupon or not). As a woman who has noticed that these are no longer the days of men courting women, but rather the days in which men just want to "come hang out at the crib", I am happy when a man shows enough interest to offer to take me out. Women are making it way to easy for men, so it seems that it's becoming rare to find one that is willing to court you. Like Drake said, "She could have a Grammy, I still treat that azz like a nominee". That made me think about the fact that a women can have everything going for her self (degrees, good job, own house, car, attractive, good personality, etc) but some men will treat her like she is Keisha from the hood. But that's another story.

        1. @Constance… I feel u on the no longer courting point. First some women complain about not being courted, then when they are, they complain about him using a coupon on a first date he paid for. Not saying you can’t have standards but to completely write him off because of it is silly.

  15. Back in my dating days, I had a guy take me on a date to this really expensive restaurant where I just so happen to have a Living Social deal for. Could've cut the entire outrageous bill in half. I offered it to him but he refused. Said it was his treat and I shouldn't worry about it. I mean, I know that but I still thought it was a little… can't even think of the right word now. But seriously, sometimes I think men impose these restrictions and expectations on themselves and pass it off as women's demands. It's not so much that the woman minds him paying with a coupon. It's more the guy wondering what the woman would think if HE pays with a coupon. Projecting…. self-imposed! I bet a lot of guys who claim women judge men who use coupons on dates haven't even had the confidence to try it yet. Familiarize yourself with Extreme Couponing, the show. I can assure you there is no gender more obsessed with couponing.

  16. First of all…the topic alone had me cracking up!

    I agree with DeKeLa…invite her to join in on the coupon savings with you.

    My bf used a Living Social deal for my bday getaway last year. He's used coupon deals on food…whatever. The more you save on the date, the more you can spend on me in other ways…like some nice leather fall boots for the upcoming season! Everyone wins! 😉

  17. I'm a stealth couponer. Maybe not whip out a 2 for 1 coupon in a restaurant but I will let livingsocial or gilt put me on to some cheap dates, order food online and google a coupon code, or thumb thru a weekly paper to find some free events.

  18. No lie. Knew a couple. The dude, was considered so cheap, was always late to dinners or outtings. He danced with woman until her feet smoked… They always had fun. Although I never saw him buy a drink. They got married this year. Had a beautiful wedding and went to Fiji for their honeymoon. They’re buying a house this year and seem to have a good grasp on their finances and their happiness.

    Honestly, if you can’t respect the hustle of a lil coupon ing or discount dinning… You ain’t down for the cause, and you just around for a “good time.” You ain’t the girl for me. I need someone that’s gonna ride with me until the wheels fall off. And the sooner I find that out, the better.

    Restaurant week coming up & I got free movie tickets… Holla at me what’s up!

  19. #FirstWorldProblems

    Your freeeee meal didn't cost him enough money?

    It's a good litmus test IMO. Personally, I dig a deal, so if a dude scoffs at saving money, I know he's not the guy for me. Sure it's his money now, but if things go well I'll be with you tonight… Tone Loc FTW eventually that'll be our money he's blowing. Just not my steez.

    Hello, my name is Star and I got a minimum of 6 "buy one get one" deals in my purse RAIGHT now.

        1. "GTFAOTWUOOHWT"

          I didn't know what it meant, but was sure it was synonymous with "what the heck is wrong with these stupid arse chicks?"

  20. Not on the first date, but if we've been dating for a while, I see nothing wrong with it, especially since it's likely he's been paying for most of our dates/outings. It is a little cringeworthy initially though lol. But, unless he's balling, I find it commendable because that means he is responsible with his finances.
    My recent post Dear TT: He Gave Me A Promise Ring

  21. I once offended a guy for offering deal I happened to have…I'm talking 5 minute rant about "women who can't let men be men" offended. I couldn't believe it! Honestly, If I'm not paying I don't care how much you saved on my $20 salmon. If I'm going dutch with you…hell yeah break out that hook up!

  22. There are some really great, down to earth, open minded women on this post. Because out of every single girlfriend I have, I am the ONLY one who has not one issue with a coupon. I have been chastised to high heaven for it, too. I get the "standards" talk, the "this is how he'll treat you for the rest of your life" talk, the "you're making it too easy for him" talk, alldat. And don't get me started on the sermon I get regarding men going dutch 1st date (though that one I kinda get).

    Now, I don't have a problem with a coupon, but I would PREFER if I was told. A simple "hey, I've always wanted to go to __and livingsocial just has it on sale! Wanna go?" is all I need. I have actually done it myself when asked to suggest the following date location, so…

    1. Amaris are any of your friends that give you the "standards talk" married and/or in relationships? just curious.

        1. Maybe the looks and other stuff outweight the "standards" the ladies have. Maybe they are like Lisa Raye's character Keisha on Single Ladies. She does have high expectations for men, but at the same time she got her own and she is not perse a golddigger in the typical sense. She's beautiful and smart, sassy and sexy and she is truly a ride or die and men just love her so much so they are more than happy to "spoil" her with whatever she wants; like that Aston Martin she got from Malcolm. Actually I don't think Keisha has ever outright asked a man for anything. She just carries it like a "boss bit**" and it's understood the type of woman she is and men act accordingly. Yeah they must be the "Keisha's" of the world.

    2. @Amaris: "I get the "standards" talk, the "this is how he'll treat you for the rest of your life" talk, the "you're making it too easy for him" talk, alldat."

      See, this is the part I don't understand. How are the standards lowered when the date is exactly the same? How are you treated "for the rest of your life"? Does that mean if you make it to marriage, he has the audacity to make an offer on a house that is lower than the asking price?

      Of course, you're not like that. Then again, I'm not fully convinced you're a real person (prefer men under six feet, into MMA, can discuss the Matrix trilogy, don't like Nicki Minaj), but some sort of auto-comment program that tells us what we want to hear!

    3. I'm cool with coupons, told in advance or not but I'm NOT here for going dutch. naw, not ever.

      if you ask me out, you should pay. especially the FIRST DATE. if I ask a guy to go somewhere I'll pay. but I wouldn't ask out for the very first date either.

  23. Now that I've read the comments I'm really surprised with the responses! I've had this discussion before on TRP (The Relationship Playbook, fun page on FB) and you'da thought that using a coupon was the equivalent to a man slapping a woman then telling her to do the dishes to pay for the meal! Women on TRP were NOT down for a discounted dining experience AT ALL.

    I'm proud of my SBM family for agreeing with my perspective being more concerned with long-term wealth than with the, sometimes false, appearance of riches. Blowing money is not something the average, responsible man (or woman) should be doing IMO.

  24. What kind of coupons are we talking? If we're talking Groupon or Living Social deals, or even Restaurant Week (it's Restaurant Week for another 10 days or so in NYC, folks), then what's the problem. A $95 meal for $20 means this dude is winning. Dating, for a man who likes to take a woman out to fancy meals (there ARE alternative dates), can be expensive. Who am I to demand he spend money he doesn't have to. My frugal butt will be mad as heck if I find out he didn't use a coupon because he was worried about me.

    If we're talking coupons for the Dollar Menu at McDonald's, dude needs to aim higher. I'd rather an ice cream, a coffee or a slice, if times are tight, than to be taken to a fast food joint for a date. Chipotle might be OK. I'm addicted to Chipotle. But I think you should aim higher. Be creative if you're broke.

    Also, I'm down with being frugal if it's for a worthy cause. I you saving to get you mom an operation? Buried in school loans? Trying to buy a house? Still going to school? That's totally fine. Cheap and free dates are OK.

    BUT, it goes from being frugal and smart with money to being cheap if there's a little extra cash, the occasion to treat me with a gift, and you go above and beyond to be stingy there too. A relationship requires prioritization of some sort, and this does include financially, on BOTH people's sides.

  25. I just read the WWMD response and the question IS interesting:

    WOULD a man pull out a coupon for a Rosa Acosta/Jessica White/Meagan Good?

    It would mean that the question is not whether or not we should/would/could tolerate it, but whether or not it speaks to the man's view of the woman.


    1. Let me tell you. People who know me IRL know my answer to that.

      Women and men are all the same regardless of their status. Hell yes Id pull out a coupon for a famous chick. Only difference is that more people know em than the average chick.

      You would be shocked at the amount of "famous" people who long to be normal again and appreciate people who keep it real.

      With me, Id be more discreet. Im not the whip out the coupon at the table in the first stages of dating dude. If I get a hookup, you wont know. Thats just me.
      My recent post [INFOGRAPHIC] A look at the @WWE and the past 999 Monday Night RAW episodes

      1. I'm sorry. YOU, and your dimples, do not count.

        I need ALLL y'all to take a HARD look at my avi. I took a picture with this dude that will never see the light of day, because he made me look plain as HELL.

        I am as we speak planning my look for this damn happy hour so I can redeem myself. Of course you wouldn't care if you were with Rosa Acosta, she'd probably be pissed you were getting more stares than she was.


        1. LAUGH OUT LOUD AT ALLADIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally feel you, girl.

          Play to win Friday, Amaris, LOL…play to WIN!!!!!!!!! *cheers Amaris on from the sidelines*

    2. Famous ppl get a lot of free things. So a lot of the places you see them at they either were paid to be there or got a freebie (sometimes). I like how you stated the question, I think that’s the reason some when cringe when the think of a guy pulling out a coupon/ gettig a deal no one wants to be thought of as a cheap date.

    3. I don't think it matters. If he doesn't have it, he doesn't have it. If he is embarrassed to use a coupon with a famous girl, he is likely embarrassed to use one with ANY girl, regardless of status and vice versa.

      I think whether the guy pays or not matters, but not whether he uses a coupon. Did anyone see the last episode of Single Ladies?? THAT guy would have gotten the boot.
      My recent post Dear TT: He Gave Me A Promise Ring

      1. bellatrice I agree with the first part of your comment. But if your speaking of the Single Ladies episode where the new lady with the teenage daughter went out with the guy I think she handled it fine, with the exception of her paying for them both. I don't think I would've done that. I would've responded to his comment about thinking that women are "progressive" and want to be independent and pay. We would've discussed it before leaving the restaurant and he probably would've apologized and payed. No harm no foul.

        1. Ladies we gotta cut men some slack. Think about it, when a man first meets you he doesn't know sh** about you. He has no idea what "type" of woman you are until that convo is had.
          Men encounter women all the time who are extremely progressive and do not want a man opening the door, paying, and being chivalrous. So evidently this is the type of women that man encountered and he assumed this was a new thing women were doing. Now granted he shouldn't have assumed but he did……we all make assumptions about folks based on all kinds of things all the time.
          He redeemed himself by coming to her job and apologizing and asking her for another chance and agreeing to pay. Like she said it was pretty big of him to stop his bus full of people just to ask her out so that should count for something.
          I swear if people don't stop disqualifying each other for any and every little imperfection and mistake they make they will inevitably forever be single.

        2. Yes, I am referring to that episode. I especially didn't like the way he prefaced his decision not to pay. So, you're not going to pay because your boys make fun of you for being a gentleman and paying for dates?? I am not with the first date paying or dutch, sorry.

          If he doesn't have the money, then he should suggest coffee or something within his budget. Men get cut enough slack! They're already winning!! Now, I have to be progressive and start paying for dates?? Nope, not going to do it. EVER
          My recent post Dear TT: He Gave Me A Promise Ring

        3. I thought he said he didn't pay because of past experiences with women wanting to be "independent" and not wanting a man to pay and/or chivalry. Maybe I'm not remembering correctly. To me it's not that big of a deal. Just because a man doesn't pay and wants to go dutch on the first date doesn't necessarily mean he is cheap, or has no money or something is wrong with him. If a man wants to go dutch and your not feeling it before you so quickly write him off, how about simply asking him why he doesn't pay on the first date. Just because a man doesn't pay on the first date doesn't mean he won't pay for every other date.
          Ladies also keep in mind that just as we expect men to pay on the first date, (and probably most all dates thereafter) they expect sex, and can make similar arguments that women make for paying on the first date.

        4. I wouldn't even waste my time asking him why. It's rude to ask anyone out and then ask them to pay for your meal and theirs. They can expect sex all they want. The two are not equal in my book. My "love" is worth more than a meal. Men can argue about it all they want. I've never had an issue with a guy expecting me to pay or expecting sex, so if it aint broke…
          My recent post Do You Want a Beyonce or a Michelle?

  26. Can we have discussions about being cheap more often? The ads are filled with freebies 😀
    Don't mind if I dooooo.

    1. blackgirlmd whats the difference between date 1, 2, 3, 4, or 6 but time………..? So a man could take u to Red Lobster on date 1 and he must pay full price. But on date 2 he can take you to Olive Garden and use a coupon and it's all good?
      If his brother works at Red Lobster and and his sister at Olive Garden and they both hook him up does that matter?
      Honestly, the man who is really smooth will be like Streetz. He will be discreet and you won't even know that you just ate for free or half price. But as constance said up-thread, either way your getting a free meal out the deal so what are you complaining about? Do you seriously think that sets the stage for the future dates and relationships and that he will always use coupons and be a cheap dater?

      1. Even if he is, after the 2nd or 3rd date or whatever if your not feeling anything at all about him then u let him know or do a disappearing act or whatever and just don't go out with him anymore.
        On the flipside, ladies be aware that a man can spoil the hell out of you in the 1st quarter of the dating game. Then, once he feels he has you and is "winning" in the 2nd and 3rd quarter quarter he can quickly change the game and stop spoiling and paying……..then what….???? ijs.

  27. I wish I a guy would pullout a coupon on the first date.. I'd leave him sitting by himself.. Its deifferent if we were dating for a while, and we just decided to hit the streets for a minute, then I could understand. But u need to impress a female, Ur looks only takes u so far

  28. I respect a man who is clued into LivingSocial, Groupon, etc. it means he is down for trying out new places yet having a budget.

    But sorry, COUPONS? Only fast food joints have coupons… and that is a no-go for a date night.

  29. Lol at the women (who aren't paying and have no real connection to the dude) complaining that a stranger didn't spend enough money on them when they themselves haven't spent a dime and didn't waste a single moment planning the evening.

    What a society we live in…

  30. just want to make sure a potential beau has his finances in order – during cuffing season i dont want us to have beef because i want to order in thai on my weekly late night @ the ofc 😉

  31. The question is, does he use a coupon when he is trying to get "the best", highest quality, top notch? Whatever his vice is, whatever he is a connoisseur of, does he use coupons to get it. Would he use a coupon for his shoes or clothes? His electronic equipment?

    If he is a guy that always uses coupons, or always tries to get it cheaper, shops around and finds the lowest price, no matter what, then I don't mind him using a coupon with me.

    If he is one of those losers who has a huge issue with the few dollars he might spend on a meal or a drink for a lady unless it comes with an ironclad contract that she will have relations with him or he can garnish her wages for the precious $11 of edibles, but he won't blink an eye over slapping down $150 cash for some Jordans, then yeah, I have an issue with it.
    My recent post Babyboy Dilemma

    1. The amount of man's concern with how much he spends on a date has an inverse relation to my view of him as husband material. Meaning, if you are resistant to providing in the beginning, I will assume you're not gonna be much of a provider when the chips are down. If you have a problem with that analysis, then we can be friends, I might make you my jumpoff. But you're not a dream man.
      My recent post Babyboy Dilemma

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