If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 percent of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent. – Source.
Editor’s Note: A few members of the SBM team have begun contributing their thoughts on dating and relationships to the popular website, Madame Noire. My latest post asks, Why are more women unfaithful? An excerpt is below:
WOMEN ARE SIMPLY ACTING MORE LIKE MEN
There is a popular misconception that women are simply acting more like men. I disagree. In my opinion, women are acting more like successful people. It was likely more difficult to cheat back in the day when women were historically expected to remain in the home and depend on their husband’s income. As the saying goes, “with great power comes great responsibility.” History has proven, often through the misguided pursuits of men I might add, power causes some to abuse their power. Powerful men have acted ignorantly for generations, especially when it comes to women, irrespective of their marital status.
As women have improved their social and personal statuses, like the men before them, some of these women believe they are entitled to fulfill certain desires. Sometimes these desires entail enjoying the company of men who are not necessarily their husbands. In reality, women haven’t changed much, but society has changed a lot. These changes in society have allowed more and more women to have more and more opportunities to cheat at the workplace and beyond, and they now have the means to do so if you consider the fact that each generation of women is more educated and wealthier than the previous. Stated another way, women have more worldly temptations to resist than ever before. These same temptations are something men have clearly struggled with for generations.
There’s something about New York City that makes misbehaving seem a little less like misbehaving. It’s like the city dares you to take risks and try new things while seductively whispering in your ear, “I won’t tell anyone.” I once struck up a conversation at a bar with two ladies in their early 40s, both married with kids, who were very comfortable admitting they were having affairs. – CNN
You can read the complete article by clicking here. We welcome your thoughts on the post or the question itself in the comments below. Why are more women being unfaithful?
I Agree with the opportunity part. Most women who work full time have access to an array of different men. Also most offices aren’t just 9 to 5 anymore. It’s easier to lie to your spouse and say I had to stay late without being questioned. Women also had to stay home to care for the children, now most women put their children in daycare.
Women are starting to emulate the selfishness that men have been allowed to act upon for generations. When our grandmothers weren’t happy with their relationships, most stuck in their because of the kids reputation or they didnt have the money to just move on.
Also the way we value sex has changed. I dont think the women of our grandparents generation didn’t have affairs. They just knew how to keep their mouths shut and not try to turn all their dirty escapades into a book or movie. A lot of people’s parents are ” milkman babies” they just don’t know.
After reading the comments over there, I've really got to LOL. Always a justification/rationalization to the f@ckery.
For my own sanity, I have to stop, remember the average IQ is 100, and that some people can't take responsibility for their own actions, before reading the comment section over there.
I feel a lot of women have simply lost faith in love and men and opt for comfort and convenience. With that comfort and convenient mindset they continue to look for more ways to make their situation better for themselves. Whether its affairs, money, flirting, experimenting they essentially trying to fill the void where true love is supposed to reside. However love cannot be substituted, no matter how comfortable one becomes
If anything I think women have strayed away from standards and principals, moreso, a loss of faith in men. One can not do what you do not allow.
It wasn't mentioned but the race of these women is relevant.
From what I personally know of black women aren't cheating on their husbands, boyfriends maybe, but not husbands.
From what I personally know, black women are cheating on their husbands.
i know some trifling sista wives as well…
Hugh when do black women have time to cheat???? *wink*
As the saying goes, you make time for what you want.
L.M.A.O. @ this portion of the article. Yes. Exactly. *clears my throat*
Some people are just face palm level temptation….
Anyway, I kinda struggle with this even though I'm not in a relationship. In my mind I tell myself I am so that I can keep my behavior in check, it helps regulate fleshly/worldly desires because I'm a fiercely loyal person in nature. I tell myself, I'm a housewife, sitting at home, neglected, bored and sick. I'm tired of his bullsh*t….what am I going to do. Look at another man? no. I'm going to surround myself with men until those desires simmer down. It's like dieting. When you're on a diet and you're hungry and you stare at your favorite foods and smell them and touch them and you pass on it, eventually you get over the desire to have them. Besides, I'm not successful anymore. I'm just a woman. but if I *was* successful, this post would be my exact thought process.
but…I believe when you're considering acting out on your partner it's because the person you're looking at has something you want. That person fufills the parts of you the other can't and it doesn't matter how you feel about the one you're with it matters you feel *better*. I wouldn't want that to become a pattern in my life, I get bored and move on? Technically I already do that and is why I had such a beautiful array of successful endeavors but I would never do that in my personal life. I would just be temporarily unfufilled and hope it'll get better over time.
People cheat because they want to regardless of what excuses they use to justify it. I believe women seem to be cheating more than usual (I believe they always were) simply because they are being caught more and because society is holding back it's usual judgement on unfaithful women
My recent post The Torment Of Tantalus
petersburgh I think more marriages that end are a result of the man cheating, as opposed to the woman.
One difference between male and female cheaters is that some men don't really need a reason to cheat, women are usually cheating because something is missing. They are not getting something from their husbands.
Also, in situations where the husband has some type of illness and can't perform sexually, even when giving the option to do so by their husbands, most women will still opt to Not be with another man.
Well it is no excuse for cheating. Women rationalize like men who have affairs. However women cheat for attention and sex. Alot of married men think that because they take care of home financially they are doing everything they need to do. Approaching any man about what's needed to be fixed in a relationship is a difficult task. Men feel attacked.
I had a affair. I got no attention at home. I would dress up all the time, wore make up, kept the house clean and did anything that was asked. All i wanted was some attention. When i approached him about it he said he took care of bills and provided that was enough. So I left.
it doesn't take much to keep a woman happy. But most married men don't want to put in the work after awhile. i was married for 7 years. No i wasn't perfect no one is.But when men want women to change we do, when a man needs to change something he wont. And frankly he isn't expected to.
I mean a relationship has to be in a crazy horrible place if a woman cheats. But again If I could go back I would do it differently. i just dont know if he would.
Serious question: It seems you somewhat feel your affair was justified. However, if the tables were turned and your husband didn't feel he was getting what he needed at home, would you understand and sympathize with him?
I only ask because as a man, it seems that I am supposed to understand and "fix" myself if a woman cheats. However, if I was to cheat, regardless of my jusitification, I am just a horrible dog! LoL Basically I'm asking, do you feel its a double standard?
No I do not feel it was justified. At the time I did. However you see he did cheat on me before I left. It was an emotional affair. I suffered from depression for 3 months and a woman facebooked him and they talked alot. I was hurt to say the least. it cut like a knife. Lesson learned. No you are ot to fix yourself if a women cheats but my advice is to heed the emotional distress from your wife.
No chaeating is cheating. Nothing makes a man or woman better for doing it. I didnt feel loved becasue frankly he got in trouble with the law for abusing our son, so i wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. That was childish and wrong. But when you dedicate your youung life to someone it's hard to take a blow like that. So dont' cheat. Talk it out or get a divorce because once the damage id done its done. You cant turn back time.
And the worst part is he said the woman wanted to help him with his marriage problems. The women told him I was a horrible person and he needed to pack his things and leave. We never really hashed our problems out after the first breakdown in our marriage. He said he felt justified for all the reasons I did.
It made me realize that women can and will try to break up any marriage good or bad. Then I found a few messages in his facebook of women fishing. Looking back we were doomed to fail. When things get so bad that you want to cheat you know its time to leave.
Now that last statement I can totally agree with. Sometimes the situation gets to the point where cheating seems like the only option. At that point, its just time to go and count your losses.
You situations really personifies the idea that communication is key to a successful relationship.
1. if SBM is going to keep telling me to go to another webpage to finishing reading a post, i will no longer cruise by this page-it will be a waste of time.
2. females have been doing their thing since Eve stepped out on Adam with the snake. Eve just didnt bite the apple, she sucked & licked it down. If men dont give females the face time we need (Adam running with the animals) we will give our mouth & tongue to a snake, who we all know is no good but damn his apple is so big and juicy!
A few things here on your first point:
1. It's bad practice to repost complete articles from other websites. It's technically stealing even if we post the whole thing and drop a link at the bottom, unless there's an agreement in place.
2. Part of our goal here is to share content that we find interesting from around the internet. In line with my previous point, we can only share a part of the article. Anything more would be bad practice.
3. We want readers to know that SBM writers have things going on elsewhere…particularly when the topics are relevant. A lot of readers wouldn't know about these articles otherwise. Sharing is caring (and sh*t).
We don't plan to stop sharing content from elsewhere. And since clicks aren't on the endangered species list, we certainly don't plan to start stealing full articles from other websites just to save one. The snippet posts are a way to give you a preview and let you decide if you want to read the rest. If the way in which we share content isn't for you, you obviously have the option to stop visiting the site. This is free content and you have freedom of choice.
I don't intend for this to be an ongoing back and forth dialogue in the comments section about how we operate, so if you have any other questions, comments, or concerns, you can reach me directly at email@example.com. Happy to answer.
My recent post The Back on Track Report: Week 5
Good question! From a psychological standpoint the majority of women cheat because there is a lack of emotional security in the relationship. We’re not getting enough physical attention, we feel under-appreciated, etc. Whatever the case may be, I think the central point in ALL cheating is serious breakdown in communication.
While I agree withe the main point of the article, I still must point out that women have not JUST BEGUN cheating just as much as man. While sitting around talking to my elderly grandmothers, their sisters, and even my aunts I learned that women have always got it in just as much as men. However, men are just now starting to face the facts. Gone are the days where if you told a man his woman was stepping out on him and he would laugh it off. That arrogant attitude of "My woman will never cheat, or she doesn't have any reason to" is slowly deminishing. There are plenty of older people who are not true off-spring of their "fathers". Back in the day, however, it was swept under the rug.
I don't really think anyone is to blame though. History, and my own life experiences, have proven that people cheat regardless. Hell, you can have Beyonce' or Trey Songz at home and you'll still feel the need to go outside of the relationship. And this has been going on since our grandparents' days when Granny was sitting at home cleaning all day and Mr. Earl from down the street would come over for a little "visit".
"There are plenty of older people who are not true off-spring of their "fathers". Back in the day, however, it was swept under the rug." <<<<<this>>>>>>> has happened on both sides of my family.
I also agree that many times people just cheat because they want to. As Mike Baisden said in his book, some folks are "Never Satisfied."
Muffie it's a whole lot more than just a breakdown in communication, many times it's the lack of communication. There are usually real serious issues that need to be addressed that folks never address until it's "a day late and 5 dollars short."
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Women have been through alot since the beginning I honestly think that they have become numb to the consequence and opinions of cheating and being unfaithful. Women got it bad for living for a man and devouting time to them and just getting engulfed in them. Sometimes it is not on purpose, but that is just apart of the nuturing side of us. I think Subconciously women are tired of of being treated like rugs and being thrown away so they naturally adapted the ways of men to heal ourselves and have a level of indepence. I honestly think this isn't bad but we just need to be careful and make sure it doesn't take a turn for the worse.
Women's motivation for cheating cannot be compared to mens' motivations for cheating because we are totally wired a different way. When a woman cheats, its more so because we are lacking attention from our man. Women probably do cheat more now because we have more freedom than before. Our grandparents had to stay in marriage for kids or financial reason, and men didn't have to change because they knew their wives would never leave them. Now, if men don't act right women have the freedom to cheat or leave without feeling so much judgment.