Home Featured My Twenties Will Be The Best Years of My Life, or Will They?

My Twenties Will Be The Best Years of My Life, or Will They?


I sometimes wonder, what the hell am I doing with my twenties. Have I wasted them away or will I look back and remember that these were the best years of my life? I’m happy to report that my answer is and always will be, best years of my life. I came across this article last week that highlighted fifteen ways that people in their twenties ruin their twenties and couldn’t help but stop and see what applied to me. It’s amazing that although I’ve enjoyed my twenties a lot, I’ve definitely rung the bell on a few of these. Take a look at the list below.

15 Ways 20-Somethings Ruin Their Twenties 

  1. Letting themselves get out of shape.
  2. Spending substantial amounts of money on farfetched concepts.
  3. Staying involved in destructive relationships.
  4. Cohabitating with a lover whom you’re not married to.
  5. Accepting and embracing drama.
  6. Settling for a subpar job that makes you miserable.
  7. Putting excessive amounts of value in attention received on social networks.
  8. Being a pushover.
  9. Taking pride in being widely considered a b-tch or a d-ck.
  10. Being self-destructive.
  11. Passing on spontaneous adventures and the opportunity to experience new things.
  12. Remaining bitter.
  13. Making yourself difficult to love.
  14. Being a pessimistic, opinionated hater.
  15. Spending large chunks of time dreaming about a utopic, perfect world in which everything is just peachy.

You can check out the full article, here.

My rap sheet: 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and one that I’m not ready to share yet. We all have ours.

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Sharing time!

#6 – I’m very good at my job. I’ve always received great ratings and always experienced successes that not a lot of people my age can say they have accomplished. The problem is, I really think I have the potential to be greater. I went through a year of my life, blogging at work, instead of doing a lick of work because I knew that I needed to get from behind that desk.

#8 – While this may be surprising to many of you, I develop these soft spots for people and then I let them walk all over me. I remember one time I dated a girl who drove me absolutely nuts. I would tell myself every day, “I’m gon’ stop talking to this girl.” However, as the night fell, I was on the sidekick asking if she wanted to hang out that night. Leaving me with that oh so familiar feeling, “I ain’t sh*t.”

#9 – My middle name start with “A.” It means “asshole” and I try my best to live up to it. I’m consistent with that too; I’ve never veered away from the reputation. However, while taking pride in this title, I realize that it’s not all it’s made up to be. It’s no reason to go around thinking that people need to get my sharp tongue all the time.

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#10 – A rough breakup can usually send guys through one of these. Related to #8, I went through a breakup one time and because I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, I just became destructive. I went out seven nights a week, I got wasted every night, I hurt the people who were close to me, and I had no regrets. It was so bad that I would get Brody Jenner drunk and not even remember the broken hearts or the hurt feelings that were left in my path.


#11 – I love my city, but everyone who knows me knows that I never leave without a plan. I haven’t been to many of the places that my friends have gone and told me to come with them, just because I’d rather be at Park or Stadium. I’ve looked at my banking account balance and had the money. I just sat the trip out because I didn’t want to spend the money as much as I wanted to make love to the digits in my bank account.

#12 – In college, I had this girlfriend I really liked. I always bring up this story because I feel like the situation went wrong because of messed up circumstances. Even to this day the situation causes me to be bitter because I felt that we were right for each other, at that moment in time. Today, when I bring it up my boys are always like, “DUDE, that was ten years ago!”

#13 – I can’t lie, it’s hard to be with a guy like me. I’m an only child who’s dead set on never opening up completely to people. It’s my defense mechanism for avoiding being hurt. I feel that the least a person knows, the less they can hurt you. The problem is, when you don’t allow anyone in, they feel left outside. That leads to distrust and paranoia of who I really am.

#14 – As most of you know, I’m just that guy who likes to be a hater. There are several things that I just hate for no reason; Lebron, Nancy Pelosi, double standards or whatever. I’ve been known to be a pessimist even in the face of optimism. Whether it was a promotion that was evident, or a basketball game that was over, I’m a pessimist. Funny story, I seriously thought the Lakers could come back in the 4th quarter against the Celtics in the 2008 NBA Finals.

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In a time of self-reflection, I realize that this list is not about reading it and seeing what applies to me. It’s about making sure that nothing on this list applies to me. I don’t want to live a life with regret. “No day but today,” as they say. As many of us are, I’m a work in progress. That’s what this post is about, admitting I have a problem and dedicating myself to be better.

SBM readers, do you share any of the same that I do? Share your numbers with us and tell your story. Let’s all have a show and tell type of Friday. While you do that, let’s listen to this boss mix from Carver The Great. Shout out to the DJ! Go DJ, cause that’s my DJ! We had good times at Park last weekend, more to come!

– Dr. J


  1. 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
    FIRST! *chuckles*
    Okay I'm on 1, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13.
    1, I've got two kids but that's no excuse. I was in better shape last year at one year post partum than I am now at two.
    6, I've had too many jobs that I've hated.
    7, it was a phase.
    8, it happens.
    10, sometimes you're your own worst critic.
    11, smh
    12, I'm still trying to get passed this. I'm too old to still give a darn about stuff that happened when I was eight.
    13, I know it's hard to imagine *chuckles* but I can get mood swingy, nit picky, passive aggressive and a bit rebellious.

    When I was in high school a teacher told me that my teens would be the best years of my life, I told him "I certainly hope not. This can't be the best it gets." Even now, I still mostly think my best years are ahead of me.

        1. Thanks Kryst! I'll be the big 33, im a lil scared only because 35 is right around the corner, thats the landmark age

        2. I understand that. Don't worry tho, the older you get the more handsome you get. Seems to work that way for guys. Plus, like I said you still have your best years ahead of you.

        3. I hope it works out that way. I've been running for the past 3 years. It keeps me in shape and keep the stamina up because as i near my 40's my stuff gonna stop working…lol Imma be pissed off, literally!!..lol

          I like that "best years are ahead of me" theme, imma rock wit that

  2. Nicely put. Let me share…
    4. Guilty. Oh well, I moved out.
    6. Sorta. I actually left a job where I was actually happy, but because I listened to the idiot from #4 I ended up in a position where up til now I was never satisfied in.
    9. I still take some what of pride on it. But a couple of years ago, I sure loved the title of me being a pretty betch.
    10. Oh lawd… Yes… I was very destructive… far from it now
    13. I think this was the opposite.. then years down the road I find out that they're still bitter because they fell and I walked away

    Wow, I'm surprised I didn't have a lot more. I'm glad that I can say with pleasure that I've moved on from this and grown and some what matured from it, but definitely learned. Unfortunately, parts of my past still define me

  3. #6 I once worked a job where I was so unhappy that I felt sick whenever I pulled into the parking lot.
    #8 I was sadly a pushover for most of my life. About two years ago, I was able to stop allowing that to happen. I still have my moments though…..
    #13 Oh yes, that's me all the way. I have difficulty letting down my guard.
    #15 I was very much a dreamer in college. I still am but not as bad anymore.

    My twenties are cool but I don't feel like these years have been my best. For some reason, I feel my thirties are going to be awesome and will be my best years.

  4. Well I’m still in my early 20’s so this is what it’s looking like so far. 

    1) my mom is in her 40’s with two kids and still looks good. So yea I have no excuse to let myself get sloppy. ( lays down does sit up and squats) 

    3) yea. On and off through out college. But now I’m good, I was a little bitter at first but I just took the L and moved on. Now I’m dating someone really good so I’m good. 

    6) I’ve been working sine I was 14 retail jobs. The funny thing is right now I’m working two part time jobs. One in the field I got my degree in and the other in retail hell. Yesterday it took all types of Jesus for me not to karate chop one of my customers. But it’s cool I know what I want to do with my life and actively striving to achieve  so this is just a stepping stone. 

    8) happened once had to learn that lesson the hard way. 

    11) I try to do as much as possible.  I live in NY so there’s always something to get into. Plus my friends are always down for a good adventure. Vegas in two weeks. 

    10) I’m pretty hard on myself to the point of constant worry. But I’ve  learned  how to pray and let things go. 

    Other than that I’m tying to make my 20 count and live them to the fullest. But I know my 30’s will be great ( as Long as I don’t make the same mistakes I made in my 20’s) 

  5. #10 for me. I use to engage in heavy doses of the "shrubbery" that was definitely not healthy, but it was something I enjoyed doing. This caused me to be lazy, empathetic, and just down alot. After redirecting my priorities, going back to graduate school, eating healthier, and getting back in the gym (which is the greatest high in the world) my outlook on things changed.
    For anyone who is in their 20's, do all the hard work during this stage of your life no matter what anyone may tell you. I am now 32, have the degrees, an excellent career, and I definitely would not change any of the experiences I endured during this time period. Life definitely gets good in your 30s if you handle your business in your 20s…

    1. Wait. You smoked weed AND went to graduate school? *throws papers in the air* I am down! lol sike. but maybe. yeah. no. kind of.

      "Life definitely gets good in your 30s if you handle your business in your 20s".

      Pff. I knew I was on to something. Call me a workaholic. *shakes fist at the air*

  6. I wanna add " having babies" to this list but you can actually have kids in ya 20's and still be on point with the rest of ya life. It can even enhance ya quality of life/happiness if you have a wife to go with them babies!

  7. Soooooo Glad i read this post this morning!!!! i mean talk about Self Reflection!!! # 1. i gotta get back in shape, im not a Brick house, but i can turn some heads though Spandex and all!!! But im working on that as we speak # 2 i love spending money….BMF, although i just turned 24 years old, i gotta start saving money. but this crabby job i have its impossble!!! #6. i was in school stopped going to school because i needed a break from school and from there its been crabby jobs, temp jobs, but lords knows when things settle im saving my money taking my ass to school and then try to be more Happy!!! #8. i try to be nice to people men and women both, so i can be a lil pushover buttttttt then the alter ego come out and shock the hell out of people. i dont want to be known as the "Mean Girl" nobody likes her!!!! But for the most part i am a work in progress, so i will never have a man right now, i got alot going on!!! But this post was great!!! really making me work on me and what i have to do much much harder!!!!!

  8. Fantastic list! I’ve been contemplating all of these since my 30th birthday is now a month and a half away. My “crimes” are as follows:

    6. My job was so awful that I couldn’t sleep at night and my blood pressure shot up to stroke levels. I knew I couldn’t live like that, so I walked away. Even then, I stayed way longer than I should have.

    7. I used to be that annoying person who checked in on all road trips and took pictures of my chicken sandwich. Now, I realize that’s annoying as hell.

    8. A lifelong struggle for me. I say “yes” to everything and everybody for fear someone won’t like me. Thank GOD I don’t care anymore. It is unbelievably freeing to say no and mean it.

    11. I’m getting better at this. I realize that I’ve missed out on a lot of memory-making moments for a glass of Moscato and “Cold Case” reruns. So now, I at least try to say yes to spontaneous activities once a month. Last one was the local Reggae Fest, which turned out to be pretty fun.

    13. I run from love. That’s a problem.

    15. I am such a dreamer! And I’ll always be a dreamer, but now is the time to put actions behind them. Faith without works is dead.

  9. Every single one of these things is what makes your 20's, well….your TWENTIES. The entire point of that decade is to learn to set your boundaries as an adult on your own for the first time. I at one point or another have been guilty of every single one. I don't regret my 20's but I don't particularly want to repeat them, either (I say the same thing about high school, lol). Now that I have established boundaries for love, life & work my thirties have been astounding.

    And has anyone stopped to notice that health notwithstanding, you will be above the age of 20 three times longer than you will be below it? Who came up with this "best years of my life" CRAP? So, I'm gonna spend FOURTY YEARS minimum lamenting how I can naver get back the crack high of my 20's? Miss me wilth all of it.

    My best years are head of me, not behind me.

      1. Well, lessee…

        Sr. J: "SBM readers, do you share any of the same that I do? Share your numbers with us and tell your story."

        Moi: "Every single one of these things is what makes your 20's, well….your TWENTIES. The entire point of that decade is to learn to set your boundaries as an adult on your own for the first time. I AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF EVERY SINGLE ONE."

        Have a blessed weekend.

  10. Just 13. I've been called a "runner", and "disappearing acts" numerous times. But I'm working on that. I might even see a therapist about it.

    Other than that, I have been too blessed and having a great time. Just spending the rest of my 20s building a foundation for better years to come. (Don't be a hater and give me a thumbs down either! Lol).

  11. Yikes! I guess I have to watch my ways then… Just 23 years old but 11, 13, 14, 15 are the s**t a bro is going through now smh. Interesting list though!

  12. one: Putting on 30+ pounds? Okay, cool. Still cute. *dances in the mirror*…..Kinda sexy. Senior citizen sick though? In becoming health conscious I became very much aware I let a few illnesses fester and snowball so nevermind I'm out of shape. It'll take years of treatments to thoroughly correct what I've done to my health as a whole.

    two: I had the idea to rebuild ghost towns with homeless folk and people out of work and those in low income areas. I thought it'd be a good way to give them a self-sufficient way of life. We'd redevelop the local economy, retrofit the towns with inexpensive innovations, in times of national disasters we'd be equipped to take people in like FEMA camps. I even dreamed up the corporations intended for funding purposes. I was able to fund the initial foundation before I had to hand the project off but now I literally have $0 to my name. It wasn't cheap but at least that part of it works and I helped a lot of people and got it started and even though I won't see it in my lifetime, I did the world a favor.

  13. At 31, looking back, I can say I was guilty of #2 and #11.

    I had SO MUCH MONEY that I mismanaged and pretty much wasted on shopping sprees…things I can't even wear anymore…or just bad investments, smh. I remember my bank slip reading $56K. Within a good two months, that money was dag near gone. *tears* I paid off a car that's now totaled. I remodeled a kitchen for a house I no longer live in. Bought furniture that I left when I left. And bought a house that I'll get nothing out of when the short sale goes thru (YAY!) cause I'm upside down in it. *shakes fists at the sky* I didn't even vacation on that money! *more tears*

    NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

  14. My comment must be too long. Luckily only a few of these apply to me.

    As a musician, my day job is pretty miserable. This one is worse than most, even though it's a good job in terms of money and people my age.

    Because I always struggled with my weight, my 20s is actually when I REALLY stopped yo-yoing and changed my life for the better in terms of weight and health.

    Being a pushover and being in destructive relationships went hand in hand for me. I was in a series of them, that were REALLY bad and could be made into a book called, "Mr. Wrong: Lessons from an NYC Dating Newbie". Very bad. I've shared a few details. I'm just not the best judge of character. My current guy is the first healthy relationship I've been in since my FIRST relationship. So…yeah.

    And because I'm a musician, that will have released TWO full-length albums before 28, I've DEFINITELY spent large chunks of money on what could be considered "far-fetched" ideas, but I think I have talent, and, though being a musician is always a long shot, I have a good feeling. 🙂

  15. 1, 6, 11 & 12 for me.

    1) I didnt realize I wasant in good shape until someone kept it real. LOL I wasnt horrible but I could #BeTheBetter. My regret is that I wasnt on this same fitness kick when I was 21. I'd be set right now!

    6) I usually stay at a job longer than necessary and this one was no different. glad im out

    11) Wish I wouldve traveled more in my 20s although i travelled a lot it was for a purpose. I needed to take more YOLO trips, lol. Not anymore and not I got $$

    12) I think we've all been there, and esp with relationship sometimes bitterness can help you get through things. At some point you have to let go and say eff it. I learned that now

    30s are WAY better than my 20s and I havent even been here long!
    My recent post [INFOGRAPHIC] A look at the @WWE and the past 999 Monday Night RAW episodes

  16. 3, 8, 10 and 11.

    #3 – To speak on the positive of it, that relationship showed me a lot of my weaknesses.

    #8 – I was a straight greeny from Alabama thinking everybody was my friend when I moved to the big city….didn't take me learn to learn otherwise. Before anyone says anything, yes city and country people are very different.

    #10 – I did a few things I knew I shouldn't have been doing. I learned a lot but glad that chapter was short.

    #11 – Shoulda, coulda, woulda!

    For the young 20 something crowd: Do not be so hard on yourselves, however use your time wisely. When 28-29 rolls around, you will either be content or in a panic from ill planning. Yet there is always hope if you don't play forever. Those 20's go fast so don't sleep thinking you got time. It's not as much time as it seems.

  17. I’m only 23 so I suppose I still have time to knock a few off the list. As of right now:
    4. I lived with a boyfriend for a year. Although it didn’t work out, I ‘m glad I did. Learned a whole lot. Definitely won’t be living with a guy until much later in my life though.
    6. I HATE my job. I stick with it because it pays really well and looks good on a resume. I know I’m meant to do a heck of a lot better.
    13. I am a few months out of one of the most messed up relationships I have had; but probably the deepest love I’ve been in. I’ve got some major walls up. Trying to strike that balance between being cautious, and being open. It’s defnitely not easy.

  18. Hey everybody…first time posting …Happy Friday=)

    Ummm let’s see..I have room for improvement in the following:

    1, 6, 11, 12, 13, 15

    1. I’m not consistent with my running or kickboxing at the moment. I’ll go thru active phases..one year its bellydancing, another kickboxing, etc. This summer and fall, it will be running and touch football. I will have better workout results if I remain consistent to something!

    6. I’m at a job that right now that only serves the purpose of paying for grad school (once I get in.) But there are days that I have to remind myself why I’m putting up with something that my heart isn’t 100% into, esp when the tasks I do became very mundane.

    11. I’ve missed out on a few opportunities….though I’m already working on my 30 for 30 list (30 things I want to do before I’m 30) Bucket lists are cliche, i know..but I got tired of saying I’ll do ___ one of these years. I’ve got 3 1/2 years to get most of it done.

    12. I’m a little bitter at how my last relationship ended, but I can only blame myself for staying with someone for so long, who was guilty of #4. #lessonlearned

    13. My guard is up because of #12 lol The next man will have to be patient as the layers unveil themselves.

    15. I daydream about my future husband, family, and the wife I will be. *embarrassing* I need to chill with that.

  19. I’m guilty of 2,3,8,11,12.
    2) Every pair of Mikes or heels that dropped I had to get them. Until I started getting broker than usual and the same shoe kept coming out, then that mess had to stop.
    3) I was always trying to mold and change the hoodest guy into “GQ” *Laughs* So I kept feeding myself BS that I could change them, that was an EpicFail.
    8) I was impressionable which resulted in me being a pushover.
    11) It’s not because I don’t want to be spontaneous… I just don’t feel like exerting my money or time into it I’ll have my Yolo Moments when I get fifty.
    12)Everybody has issues with 12 it the same ol stuff with relations and
    whatnot but I realized You put more energy into being bitter and holding grudges
    than letting go and forgiving. I’m still in my early 20’s though I saw I was
    starting off wrong and fixed it So far so good.

  20. 1,7,9,13,14

    1- I have no excuse- but i like to blame my working hours and various locations! I turn heads, but id like to stop traffic!! lol
    6- I enjoy my current job as a mining lawyer- which allows me to travel and work at mines all over the country. However, id like to study further and be a mineral engineer to broaden my scope and experience in the industry…most engineers get paid more than lawyers #justsaying
    7- Im awful with this one- Im not really on facebook, but twitter and BBM are my personal morale boosters. this takes time away from real things i could be doing with my real friends!
    9- My friends and colleagues constantly complain that i stay sassy!! I have attitude all day, every day. I refer to myself as a HBIC. But i guess i should turn it down a notch and be nice 🙂
    12- im no longer bitter but i was for my early twenties- ok im 24, so i was bitter at 23-lol! led on by a break up…
    13- Refer to point 9. Im an only child and i was raised by my dad- mom passed away at 13- so i was raised as a little princess!! My dad only got remarried this year because he was waiting for me to finish varsity and get a job! I do want to love- but on my terms and according to my standards.
    14-refer to 9.
    Ill be 25 in December- celebrating it in New York!!! Ive made some mistakes and excited for what else lies ahead. Ive thoroughly enjoyed the past 4 years- save for the above time wasting factors.

  21. 3, 4, 5, and 10

    Its so funny, I celebrated a birthday this past Wednesday, and I actually wrote about this same topic on my blog: mssexydanielle.blogspot.com.

    3. Stayed in a toxic relationship with my "college sweetheart" for far too long, which lead to #4 (and one of the worst mistakes of my life, but that's a long story for another day. )
    5. In my early 20s, messy was my middle name! Love triangles, work drama, girl fights, etc., etc., etc.
    6. I got a job in advertising after graduating college, but I wasn't happy. Decided to pursue my passion of working with kids and became a teacher…one of the best decisions I ever made.
    10. This is the one that rings the most true…I had a lot of issues that I didn't know how/want to deal with, so Mary Jane and I became the very best of friends…SMH

  22. Let me tell you somefing……the answer to your question is…..NO. My twenties were meh, thirties, just getting warmed up. Forties? Warp speed, captain!
    My recent post The End

  23. 1.Letting themselves get out of shape.
    6.Settling for a subpar job that makes you miserable.
    8.Being a pushover.
    I've done these. I think all of these people do at any and every age, not just 20's. Unfortunately many people don't grow up and mature, they just get older.
    I learned a lot of life lessons in my 20's, some the hard way. I enjoyed my life a lot when I was young. It was a lot of fun and very adventurous. It's just started to get a little boring now that I'm in my 30's and older, wiser, more mature and spiritual and with more responsibilities. Now I'm more laid back and relaxed and chilled. Now I'm trying to make as much money as I possible, so I can travel more and do more and have more fun, cause some stuff I consider fun can be costly.


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