Editor’s Note: SBM has collaborated with popular dating and relationship website, Madame Noire. This week I was asked to respond to how and when a man should defend a woman’s honor.
“Should you defend your woman’s honor?” Yes.
The question is simple; the answer is complex, which is why it comes up all the time. Many of us have had friends, male and female, ask for advice on some variation of the following story, “X disrespectful man did Y and my man failed to do 1,2,3. How should I feel about that? Am I with someone who can’t or won’t defend me?”
Honestly, half the problem is that men and women don’t define disrespect in the same way. If they did, at least 75 percent of these discussions would be null and void. Let’s be clear, if someone disrespects your woman, they are disrespecting you too because you should feel that you are an extended representation of each other. But, if I’m walking down the street with you and some random guy yells, “You have a nice A$$!” Is that a compliment or a diss? Is he being disrespectful or simultaneously complementing her nice A$$ and my taste in nice-A$$ having women? In some major cities, there might even be a bit of confusion around if he is talking about your A$$ or mine. But, I digress.
It is no secret that, generally speaking, men are more disrespectful towards women than ever. Increasingly, the level of disrespect is tolerated, which encourages more disrespect and creates ever-greater disrespectful men. At what point does the disrespect cross the line and need to be addressed?
LMAO. I am a fan of WIM being on MN. Get that money.
As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. Please give me something slick like that when I start my train wreck of a blog.
Now on to the topic at hand. We have talked about this before. I will re-read the comments after this comment to see how my view has evolved or changed.
As Black men with voluptuous girlfriends & wives, we should not come to the defense of verbal disrespect AT ALL. Physical disrespect, handle his A$$. And that is only if the relationship with you & the girl is serious. (Like she is paying or f*cking you off proper.)
We live in a society that sh*ts on men & fatherlessness is the rule of the day, so men who are not romatically and/or financially successful, or haven't had strong parents to give them couth do not have anything to lose by disrespecting women or specifically another man's girl. Save your chivalry for only the most serious offenses.
Picking battles is one of the Golden Rules of Chilvary, so is Developing a Thick Skin. I’m with Adonis for this topic- Any Physical Disrespect demands Immediate Response, Verbs are in Moderation, Merit of Disrespect and the Value/Risk of Retaliation.
Key to this- if my Woman isn’t Tripping over it, Neither should I
Theres something that can be said about a woman who would be so wound up from a "fat a$$" comment, also a man who feels that insecure he would feel compelled to leap. Dont touch her, dont threaten her, and we good. Like the previous commenters, its about picking battles now do i even wanna read the MN comments is another story
I'd prefer my man to defend my honor, unless it impacts his safety.
I don't want him to physically fight someone over it. I think adults physically fighting is childish and classless.
I don't want him to do anything that could escalate into severe violence or a crime (committed by either party). I value my man's health and freedom over my honor.
I am rereading Slim Jackson's real life scenario on defending a woman's honor, and what bothers me about coming to the defense of women is that you NEVER hear of women soing the same for men. Think about the acts of heroism in the past three months.
– The construction worker who flagged down the cops in the Times Square Shooting.
– The men who died for their GIRLFRIENDS in that Aurora theatre shooting (shout out to my role model jamie Rohr who ran out the theatre like he was chasing free chicken)
– The woman who fell into the tracks with her child. I don't need to see the video again. Not one woman jumped down on the tracks to help
In a society where equality for men & women is closer than ever before, women are not trying to save anybody from anything, maybe her child on her BEST day.
But yet, men are supposed put their lives on the line to defend a woman who will end up f*cking a guy who would drop her as soon as he is finish nuttin' in her
Actually…I have seen many a hoodrat check for the knife in her purse before going into battle for they manz…but if you're talking about women with something to lose…nope.
I agree with your previous statement whereas a physical threat takes precedence over a verbal one. I have been placed on the spot where a brief verbal exchange (cat call) to a young lady that wasn't even my gf occured and she wanted me to buck up to about 4 guys at the gas station. I quelled that real quick since no harm was done to her but it angers me that this is part of "the test." Frankly, because of the city I'm in (and I'm sure brothas in many other cities feel the same way) I learn to pick my battles very carefully because death is too easy. She should be a big enough girl to take the verbal stuff, but if hands are put on…
I stand corrected. Those hoodrats be goin to war tho over petty ish.
Generally speaking, I don't expect a man to defend to my honor and it's mostly because I do a pretty good job of ensuring people don't cross my pesonal boundaries, but it makes me look at a man differently when he sticks up for me and shows a degree of protection.
For instance, I curse at times and men who curse every now and again don't bother me too much, but cursing AT me is threatening. Let me take care of that and you follow me up on it. I have personal space issues. I'm tolerable because I know my feelings of anxiety are abnormal, but they're still MY feelings of *anxiety*. When I tell someone to back up or leave me alone it's because I feel threatened. I'll take care of that and you follow me up. Stuff like that. when I feel threatened. or when someone's behavior invites others to exhibit behaviors I'm uncomfortable with or that make me feel unsafe, then step in. I can handle my own but let 'em know what it is after the fact. Men who just chill and let bad stuff happen to me…you have my side eye, a vague level of distrust; I feel like a loner and I abstain from allowing an attachment to develop.
Quite frankly, because I’m married, my take on this is a bit different. If she was just my girl, as trifling as it’s going to sound, unless there is a physical altercation, defending a womans’ honor outside of the family is a iffy proposition. My wife or fiancée gets that no problem, each and every time. My girl, probably not. It’s not a fearful reaction, but it’s about self-preservation, being wise, and weighing possibilities. Even though people want to extend marital benefits to non-spouses, it’s not wise, IMO. Being married changes the rules, period.
No argument from me on this.
Definitely Co-sign. Wifey or fam, I am going all in no matter what.
…..@ "I am going all in no matter what" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhpgoMcQmtw
*hides behind you clenching the back of your shirt until I get used to 'admirable a*s' comments*
SAFE! dun. dunna dun. duh dun. duh dun. Can't touch this!! oooh! oooh! oooh!
I think defending disrespect from total strangers should be on a case by case basis. IMO, disrespect from family members and friends should always be checked. That disrespect can get to your psyche whether you realize it or not, and before you know it you will be bashing your significant other with your friends and/or family members instead of standing up for them.
In regard to verbal disrespect if I don't respond to it – you don't have to either. We've got much better things to do besides give the time of day to a smart-mouth low-life. As a woman I've pretty much become inured to the BS that guys say on the street. However, if a guy is in my face – yelling at me in a minatory fashion or has the nerve to touch me then I'm tapping my man in to get into the ring. My desire to feel protected is why I don't date frail looking men or the manicured nails type. If women started defending men then the men would cry about being emasculated.