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Chivalry in the 21st Century

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I’ll keep this short, SBM family. I was recently forwarded the following video over on Twitter called What Gentlemen Think. I had my doubts, but it turned out to be a pretty hilarious video. As a side note, it reminded me of an awkward encounter I had a few weeks ago as I stood dry-as-can-be under my umbrella in the middle of a rainstorm while a girl stood next to me, umbrella-less, and soaked at the cross walk. I wanted to offer her my umbrella but #IDidntKnowHerLikeThat, so I thought it might be weird. A number of women went on to inform me that attractive men should offer their umbrellas to attractive women. I’m not sure what ugly people are supposed to do on either side of the coin…

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Share your thoughts on this video and other awkward scenarios you’ve experienced or witnessed first hand as men and women attempt to navigate the treacherous plain of “chivalry” in the 21st century. You can also seem more Dorm Entertainment or Dormtainment videos at their Twitter account @DormTainment.



 

Comment(46)

  1. i saw this video last night. hilarious. its true. especially at the end. i've felt like that before though. long day of work or at the gym. my feet hurt and my back is sore. and then i'm expected to give up my seat for a woman. i normally do it but that's beside the point. lol

    1. We’ve had this discussion before regarding the train I ride each and every day. Sans the elderly and the crippled, I don’t give up my seat. I had just as long as day as anyone else (9 hours at work + 1/2 hours at the gym). Independent Women can feel how they want to feel about that. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!

        1. In all honesty, every social debate can be quantified between attractive and unattractive if we’re keeping it 100. To say I treat women I find attractive vs unattractive the exact same would be a bold faced lie – and I mean this both consciously and subconsciously. With that said, I wouldn’t solely give up my seat because a woman is attractive but it definitely might increase my incentive to do so. Depends on how tired I am and what kind of day I had. If I’m exhausted, I want a seat and I honestly don’t think I should be deprived of one simply because I was born (or cursed) with a [Richard].

    2. I honestly can say as a NYC commuter I don't expect a man to give up his seat on a subway or the LIRR for me, if he does GREAT but it's not expected.

      1. I don't either. I honestly feel a bit bad if a guy gives up his seat for me, because I'm definitely able-bodied. I appreciate it, and I'll say thank you, but I'm just as likely to thank him and politely decline, unless I'm carrying heavy stuff.

        1. "Feel a bit bad" — "Politely Decline"??!!!!

          Nawl, I ain't saying all that now. *lol* that LIRR commute can be a struggle..

  2. I hate when I'm on the elevator with a bunch of men, and they insist on the lady getting out of the elevator first. It's just so awkward when I'm tucked away at the back. It's like, whoever's closest to the door – just get out!!

    I don't really need a man to open doors for me, or hold umbrellas over my head. At least not strangers. It's definitely nice when a date or SO does those things though – it makes me feel special. *-* If a good looking guy did something chivalrous as a way to start a conversation with me…I wouldn't fight that either. But otherwise, I got it together! lol

    1. I gotta say I hate that unspoken elevator rule. It’s a tracking elevator! LOL I’ll hold the door for you to get on but if I’m in the front of the pack and you’re in the back, why do I have to wait for you to scurry to the front? Sorry. People look like idiots waiting for a woman to get off the elevator first if she’s not at or near the front of the elevator. Maybe it’s just me.

      1. Or collecting your luggage at the airport…stand the EFF BACK UNTIL YOU SEE YOUR BAG! Why your knees gotta be on the carousel!?!?! Now I see my bag but can't get to it cause your ass thinks you're the only one here with somewhere to go!!

        *deep breaths* Sorry, just flew. People were on my last nerve.

        PS that video is hilarious and I've been watching their videos all day. My work productivity curses you.

  3. Soooo….the young woman with the extra medium white top in the grocery store *looks down…then back up into her eyes* lol (just joking…sorta)

    But the video was comedy. Honestly, I will try to hold open doors, pull out chairs, etc, etc….I have gotten my fair share of unappreciative and awkward responses as well. (I think I may retire the "pull out a chair" move…never really works…I pull the chair out and 9/10 the woman thinks I'm taking that chair and she just moves and sits in the other seat, leaving me just standing there, lol)
    At any rate, I just sort of live by the mantra, "expect nothing, be grateful for anything" when it comes to getting a thank you or a very receptive smile when doing chivalrous things. Since I can't read a woman's mind as to she wants me to open a door or not I just keep my end consistent and let the chips fall where they may.

  4. This video was highlarious! Just the other day on the Twitters I said I feel bad for men because these women don't be saying thank you at all when you hold a door open. This was based on several observations when I held the door on some heyy sista girl and women went through like royalty. I was like is this what men deal with on the regular?! Harump! Amazing y'all don't cuss chicks out. Ahhh…keep being gentle men. 🙂
    My recent post Pro(creation)

    1. Yeah it's these city chicks that act like that. Go below the Mason Dixon line and most women will display levels of respect. I still do my level of chivalry which will never go away, but it has truly died…

      1. Yeah. Being polite is always right, let's say please and thank you. There has got to be a happy medium though because my friend said she observed this dude, fine, (fine as all outdoors) on the bus who didn't offer up his seat to an elderly woman, a woman w/ kids, nor a slightly handicapped one. Unlike the last scenario in the video, my friend (who gave up her seat for one of the three in the scenario) actually did tell him off and about himself and he had 'why should I give my seat up' attitude. Sir.
        My recent post Pro(creation)

  5. Yeeeah, that woulda been awkward for me @ the umbrella scenario. Standing there I woulda wanted the umbrella but I wouldn't wanna be that close to you so even if you had offered I probably woulda just been really weird and uncomfortable about it. and then I would start laughing because I'd picture myself grabbing it from you and running across the street, hoping you'd catch on and play in the rain with me like a romantic comedy, but since it isn't a romantic comedy and I have a cold standing in the rain right next to you shivering and sneezing laughing at my own joke….I probably woulda just inched my way closer to you until you got the point. Which would be weird.

    Either way, that's a weird situation to be in.

    but I diiiiieeed laughing at that video! rofl @ the girl taking his umbrella. *wipes iced tea off the screen* Those guys, I wish people were like that in real life. funny. offbeat. That was a much needed laugh. *goes through all their videos* These guys are SO awesome.

  6. The skit was cute, I laughed. In real life, it actually happens that 1)he will pick up pace to reach the door and allow it to close before I get there or 2) while I am holding the door open for an elder/disabled person run up to get it. I must say I've been blessed to be around really chivalrous men. I believe we all could stand to have more manners (thank you's are free) b/c all these little random acts of kindness, whether acknowledged at the time or not, are noticed and help in gaining favor with others.

  7. Common Courtesy > chivalry.
    If I have a SO/GF…whatever the fancy title, then she would get some serious gentlemanly treatment simply because she is with me. A stranger…they get common courtesy. I will hold the door open for them or assist them with something because that's the type of person I am. I don't give preferential treatment because they have vaginas. Yes, I respect and acknowledge you as a woman, but favorable treatment negates equality, no?

  8. That video was cute..

    That first scenario tho?!! *smhl*

    Men, if you happen to see a lady more than 15 feet behind you there is no need to stand there for the next 45 seconds holding open a door for her, trust me she won't get mad; because now she won't feel compelled to speed up her lesiurely stroll to get through the door while you awkwardly stand there waiting for her.

    I go through this often where at times I just tell them "Thanks I'm Fine Go Ahead" because I don't want to feel rushed.

  9. Perhaps ugly people deserve the rain? No, I'm kidding. Don't throw stones at me, ouch. __Sometimes, I think part of living in New York is the beauty of being surprised when people hold doors or give up a seat – it's not that chivalry is dead, it's just that we all so exhausted here. I think.

  10. LMBO @ WIM leaving the lady cold and wet in the rain! Soooooo messed up, lol. But, I woulda straight up asked you if I could get up under your umbrella, shoot. My pride issues woulda been all the way in check at that moment, lol…

  11. I guess I'm just old fashioned because I love chivalry. I like when men hold doors and let me go first out of the elevator. I notice men do it more when I'm wearing a dress and heels.

  12. Women killed Chivalry. So many Women actually get mad if some holds the door open for them in this country, like a man has offended their physical competence by being a gentleman. Plus there are tons of women who don't even say notice you when you do it, like they are expecting you to do it. Is a thank you nice? Yes but even a quick nod of the head will suffice. Basically, there is no incentive to be chivalrous anymore.

    So now, I do the best PC thing to. I don't hold the door open for anyone, perfect equality, because chivalry is inherently sexist.

  13. Um, I happen to be a woman who enjoys chivalry, or just giving/receiving plain and simple acts of kindness. To be honest, I'm pretty pissed off that the "I am woman hear me roar" crew have taken chilvarly and turned into a joke. Men, I don't see the problem with giving a woman the option of taking your seat, or seeing a girl getting drinched and at least offering her the option of sharing an umbrella (albeit it a tad bit awkward). If she declines then hey, its on her. I have had so many doors close in my face because folks (men and women) didn't have the wherewithall to pay attention. I have given up my own seat for men and woman alike, have held doors and helped able bodied grown ass men carry bags, just because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Has it really come to this where folks actually ponder whether or not to do something kind, and this "what's in it for me" mindset is now the norm? My mama didn't raise me like that, and I have no intention of starting now just because some in this generation don't appreciate it.

  14. I have 2 sons that I'm raising ; both of my sons (ages 20 and 10) know to hold doors for people directly behind them if they are the first ones out (if its a woman behind them they hold it the entire time, if its a man they hand the door off to that dude and keep steppin). My oldest pumps gas for his girlfriend (and mom), and my youngest will be the first to carry bags, pick up dropped things or just step up if/when needed. They now do it on instinct, without a thought because its now in their nature to. I have instilled in them the value of being good hearted, and understanding that what you give out, you get back (Kharma). So I guess my point is since the feminist movement has eff'd up my ability to expect open doors, jackets handed over if I'm cold or seats given up for me, I decided to teach my sons a hybrid version of being kind to everyone, with a little extra when it comes to women.

    Sidenote…that video was crazy. I am still wondering why that guy held the door when that girl was like a football field away. Too funny.

  15. I open doors for WHOEVER is behind me, that's just a common courtesy! But I ain't giving up my seat, I don't know you & this might be the first time you coming out the house today while I'm struggling to even keep my eyes open. Randoms also ain't getting my umbrella, that's strange & she might think I'm a stalker (or something)….there is also the fact that she should have paid attention to the weather channel like the rest of us SANE people do, I'm not going to advocate her poor decision making.

  16. 🙂 These are some of the coolest dudes. Hilarious as always. They really are that funny in real life when they are all together.

    As someone else mentioned, I was raised on the 'expect nothing, be grateful for anything' mantra as well. Mom always told me not to expect anything from a man, but to always pay attention to the ones that do that little extra. I do think the 'rules' change depending on whether it's someone you are interested in vs a stranger. But I honestly do think the change in attitude does come with this equality movement. And I'm not even mad about it. I am pretty passionate about equality in the work force. If the common reaction is that guys no longer feel like they should open doors for women, so be it. I don't think it's a bad thing, however, personally I can't help what I am attracted to. The guy that holds open the door as though its second nature, will always stand out to me.

  17. Don't open doors for women unless you're married. Stuff women like, and stuff women say they like are two different things. Every guy has at least 2 stories of when they've opened a door for a girl and she looked at them funny. Times change, nowadays being chivalrous means putting the condom on without her asking if you're going to use one.

  18. Women deserve chivalrous things because while you may have worked the same 9.5 hours that day, she is too and there's a 25% likelihood she's doing it while bleeding out of her vagina.

    1. I couldn't believe you type that ish in SOBER. Pass some of that good sh*t over here.

      Again, in a patriarchal society, men would give chivalry & protection freely, but since you don't want to be held to any particullar FEMININE standard, men are free not to be held to any MASCULINE standard.

      Get over yourself.

    1. WORD! Southern guys are SO awesome. They're all sweet and manly and chivalrous and dreamy and understanding…..*clearly drifting off into a fantasy* *sighs*

      The things I'd do for a southern gentlemen, they're just so deliciously….just yes. Yes. *holds left hand out* Now I can feel awesome because my family still churns butter smh. lol sike. but not really. Like…my aunts in the south are mad throwback and the WHOLE county is in love with them and the men are so on point because they respect them and what they do as women. I don't live in the city, I've never been a city dweller, matter fact I don't think I ever even go into a city on a live-in basis but I guarantee you the morals and values people are raised on are completely different. I'll leave the official answering of the 'why' part to city folk. I'm gonna sit here and pull my comforter closer. This blanket will protect lil ol' southern belle me from the city boogeymen.

    2. Ask yourself @Shannon, does chivalry make the prettiest of women's leg's part. That answers your question.

      City guys understand women better than southern guys.

        1. That doesn't make very much sense. City guys aren't mean to me so they that must mean they don't wanna sleep with me but southern guys are nicer than city guys so that would mean they understand me as a woman better. but maybe if I were really skinny and I dressed really colorfully an danced in public they would be mean to me? So….I should just not ever be attractive. and men in the city will always be nice. but southern men are more likely to have me because they can appreciate a full figured woman who is more focused on being a woman than being attractive to mean people. So I guess that does make sense. If you're pretty people are mean so they can have sex with you. Which is why I stay my arse in the house. I get mad looks, it's actually kind of scary. Men look poised to attack me and there's no one there to protect m — *goes back to WIMs disrespect post* YES! defend me. ALL the time.

        2. I wonder what kind of men I would attract if I actually left the house like I look inside of the house…

        3. A. Hawaii

          I gotta take a sh*t & got money to make. I will talk to you tomorrow. I agree with Young Heaux, you are a very woman friendly writer. Will study

        4. Imaginary southern gentlemen: Lesson one: My woman doesn’t know you well enough to ignore crass comments about your bowel movements. I find it disgusting as a man to speak to a lady that way who doesn’t belong to you.

          Lesson two: When you say something and you as well as the person you’re talking to know you’re lying, you show your untrustworthiness. What you said and what you meant are the same thing. If I did that to my woman she would go out of her way to never talk to me again.

          Lesson three: My woman loves compliments. Only problem is, everyone is past due on dishing them out and still have months of proper behavior to exhibit before she even *considers* putting a person on her good side. Consider yourself bootcamped.

          me: *coloring innocently* *daydreaming about his awesomeness*

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