Home Featured 10 Things Women Find Unattractive About Men but Won’t Tell Them

10 Things Women Find Unattractive About Men but Won’t Tell Them


A few years ago, I wrote a piece entitled, Ten Things Men Find Unattractive in Women But Probably Won’t Tell You. It’s been a pretty popular piece here on SBM, but it has always needed a reply from a woman’s perspective. Guest writer, Patia Braithwaite was gracious enough to leave us this post in reply. – Dr. J

I know we don’t know each other all that well, but allow me to confess: I’m a jerk. As a result of my snarky brutally honest ways, I found it hard to think of unattractive qualities that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with my my partner. Typically, if I don’t like something I share it (which is why I’m single), but — in an effort to remain honest and authentic — here is a list of deal breakers I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing:

1. Men with Ambition Imbalances:
I love a purpose-driven man. I am insanely attracted to men that work hard, have a vision and are actively trying to achieve that vision; however, if I get the sense that a man would stab me dead and step over my cold body to get to the top, I can’t take him too seriously. Men, keep that in mind when we meet at the bar and you try to impress me with stories about your cut throat attitude and your proclivity to check your Blackberry during sex. I’ll nod and smile, but you can’t be my boyfriend. Conversely, if you have no job and/or no ambition, we can’t be together. Ambition is a necessary spice of life, but it’s not the entire meal.  Savor relaxation, savor balance, and savor me.

2. Men who aren’t funny:
I’ve been told I laugh like an old man. It starts deep in the belly and rolls up and out of my mouth. It’s loud and embarrassing, and — sometimes — it’s better than sex. I will never find a man that can’t make me laugh attractive. I also really hate dealing with men who crack corny jokes. I have to pretend to laugh, this encourages the man to keep trying, and it’s generally a bad time for everyone involved. Laughter may seem silly to some, but it’s a necessity for me. Life is too short and I can be far too serious — laughter reminds me to chill out.

See Also:  Stephen A. Smith: Men Shouldn't Hit Women and Women Shouldn't Provoke Men

3.  The Inauthentic Nice Guy:
I love genuinely nice people: they smile, they are attentive, and they make the world a better place. That said, the inauthentic nice guy is super unattractive. His kindness is rooted in a lack of self-worth, a need to please EVERYONE at the expense of his own happiness. This man, in a relationship, is a pushover. I’m not asking to date a complete asshole, but healthy boundaries are part of being an adult. Also, a lack authenticity of any sort is unattractive for me.

4. Men who suffer from “little man syndrome”:
See, I’ve dated guys who were short. Height has never been an issue for me. I throw on heels , they come up to my neck, and we ride out. I’m actually cool with it — it makes me feel like a model. That said,  I can’t deal with men who are always trying to compensate for their stature. Relax. Put your arms down. Stop talking about the time you stomped out a dude twice your height. Own your size. Own all of your flaws for that matter. Good things can come in small packages, and I’m open to accepting all packages, as long as their good enough (pun intended).

5. Men who can’t defend themselves:
I know I’m going to catch flack for this, but I don’t care. Call it carnal, call it archaic, but if a man can’t defend himself, I can’t take him seriously. After several seasons of careful reflection True Blood,  I have come to terms with my werewolf alpha-driven fetishes tendencies. I don’t ever ever want to be with a man who goes around picking fights. EVER! (Seriously, we’re too old, and dudes that pick fights are extremely unattractive.) But I do need to know that you and I can go all Resident Evil together when the zombie apocalypse hits. I’m a survivor. My man must be one as well.

See Also:  Mythbusters: The SBM Dating Edition

6. Men who only look fly with a hat (or other items of clothing) on:
Ladies, I know it’s not just me. We’ve all been deceived by a man who was gorgeous with his hat on, but looked crazy when he took it off.  Just like men appreciate natural beauty,  I appreciate a man who is sexy without covering half of his face. I can already hear men rallying against Spanx, wonder bras and weaves as I type this…

7. Men who don’t care about their health:
I’m not perfect: I don’t exercise as much as I’d like (I used to be a distance runner), and sometimes I fall short of my diet objectives (fried chicken is my weakness), so I’m not expecting to date a man who is the pinnacle of health, but if a man has beer for breakfast and cigarettes for lunch, there’s a strong chance I might be repulsed by him. As I get older, I’m becoming more interested in partnerships that have potential to last a lifetime. With the understanding that men die earlier than ladies anyway, I need to know that my man is making some strides to go the distance.

8. Cheap Men:
Let me be clear: I understand the importance of budgeting and frugality. As a late twenty-something, I respect a long-term savings plan and the wisdom that keeps a person from balling out. That said, often cheap men aren’t just skimping on money: they are often cheap with their time, cheap with their emotions, and cheap with their level of creativity.  Cheap men are often holding back all of their resources for some future plan. I’m perfectly content if our date includes a beautiful park, cheap wine, and my favorite taco truck delights; however, more often than not, cheap men don’t take the steps required to create ambiance or luxury thru experience. They think more about their money than they do about me. So, if we’re standing at the dollar pizza spot and sharing a slice and a soda, it’s not about the money at that point. It’s about how your perceived lack keeps you from seeing more interesting possibilities in life.

See Also:  Strange Fruition: Finding My Own Truth in Lupe Fiasco's Lyrics

9. Men who smell funny.
Man-scent can be intoxicating. It can drive me to wear a t-shirt that doesn’t belong to me just to inhale and relive the memory. Basically, a good man scent turns me into a creeper. Good smells evoke good feelings, but bad smells?  I can’t take men who smell funny seriously. If his breath smells like coffee and hard boiled eggs, if he doesn’t use deodorant regularly, thinks it’s appropriate to wear Axe, his jeans smell like they need to be washed, or his sweat smells like yesterday’s Happy Hour session, I really can’t deal. I have to like the way you smell. Point blank.

10. High-maintenance men
I went to an art exhibit with a date and when we got there we discovered the artist (for some unknown reason) covered the entire gallery floor with dirt. As my date and I approached the entrance he stopped short and looked at me mortified. “Oh no, let’s skip this” he said, “I can’t get my sneakers dirty.” It was a funny moment, and my date did risk mud stains for the sake of art, but the incident exposes a truth for me:  I love a well-dressed man, but if vanity impedes on my desire to explore and experience new things, we just aren’t compatible.

Well folks, that’s my list! I deliberately challenged myself to think beyond penis issues and things like that, but I’m excited to hear from you guys: Ladies and fellas, what are some things you find unattractive about the opposite sex, but wouldn’t tell them?

Patia Braithwaite is a Brooklyn-based relationship writer. Her work has been featured in The Coral Gables Gazette, Florida Inside Out Magazine, Yahoo Shine, and BounceBack.com. She’s currently working on a non-fiction book that explores the various ways men see God and how these views impact their romantic relationships. Check out her musings and more at: www.menmyselfandgod.com


  1. Him. I never actually thought about what I don't like in men. I kinda just let them be them and see what I do like and if I can rock with it. I generally excuse mistakes, mishaps, things I don't agree with. I have pet peeves I guess.

    Um. This is hard…..

    What do I find unattractive……

    1. Um. Okay. Things I'd never tell a man I find unattractive:

      one: I don't like men who can't tell me they like me or who can't appreciate the qualities of such a woman who he would take as a partner in life. You know the standards you have for a woman and you know for the past few years you've been checkin' for someone like me so be honest and politely introduce yourself.

      two: I hate men who are curious or interested and hide it. I feel like a reconaissance mission. You're being clandestine about your intentions and it makes me feel like I should come off unapproachable. Like, don't hide your intentions or just approach to approach, don't try to preted like you were just approaching me just to do it. Don't waste my time. State your business and let me get used to your genuine presence.

    2. three: I don't like men who wanna live with me in an apartment. I absolutely hate it.

      four: I hate when men I don't like insist on invading my personal space and I genuinely feel threatened and coerced into a position I don't wanna be in……and other men/people enjoy how uncomfortable I am. When in all actuality I feel like I'm about to be raped.

      five: I hate when men don't understand how sheltered I am and then those who realize I'm sheltered try to talk me into doing things I clearly don't wanna do instead of doing it the way I know how to do it because they have no clue what to do.

      six: I find it unattractive when I'm saying something relatively vital to my survival and you have a blank, stupid look on your face. I hate daft men. I hate men who don't try. I hate men who don't make the effort. I hate men who are locked into their fear of the unknown. I find it utterly disgusting.

      That's all I can think up without sounding pissed off…

  2. Re-reading Dr. J's original I have to agree with his 10, especially the drunk girl, the liar and the know it all. Only other I would add is

    1. Overly sexual- I never thought I'd say this honestly, but if she has nothing to provide otherwise I'd get bored, sure i'll take the bait on good night but still

    My recent post Today’s Word is… INSECURITY

    1. I had this little bad thing somethin' like them 10's
      She gave a n*gga mad brain somethin' like the wiz
      But you see the sad thing f*ckin' with her is
      Is the chick ain't even have brains dummy like a b*tch

      Light Please.

  3. I agree with ALL of these. My biggest peeves include the "short man syndrome", that causes you to have a chip on your shoulder and look at me funny when I wear heels, and the ambition imbalance. I've commented before and I'll tell anyone who asks me: I don't believe in sacrificing what I consider to be the true important facets of life (great loves, great relationships, family, FUN), for the sake of money and job titles. This means I often date men who make less than me. Who gives a crap. As long as you can budget, we're good. 🙂

  4. 1) men who constantly talk about how fly they are. We get it you have a few pair of expensive shoes and jeans on from a designer whose name you can’t pronounce … Simmer down.

    2) men who can’t take a joke. I don’t need my partner to be Chris rock funy but he has to have a sense of humor. In weird I laugh at ridiculous things. You dont have to find everything I find humorous funny , but don’t be a party pooper and ruin my good laugh.

    3) men who slander women but bit*ch up or play it cool when a man slanders them. Wale syndrome ( I love him as a rapper but I follow him on twitter and he goes in on woman sometimes).

    4) Men who whine. It’s not cute , I don’t like when women do it either.

    5) men who are cheap and men who aren’t realistic with their finances.

    It’s not cute to brag about the new car you just lease but then you have to turn around and ask your mama, homeboys or girl for gas money.

    6) men who constantly try to make up BS reasons why a certain type of women won’t get wife’s up, or trying to tell woman how to be woman, like they have Vaginas.


    Man: I don’t want a girl whose to social all the time .

    -Yet he’s at the club before 12 every Friday and every event you can think of.

    Man: I don’t want a girl that drinks Henny that’s not lady like.

    – you dont want a girl that drinks Henny because it’s not lady like , but your icon on Facebook is you holding a bottle of nuvo like its manliest liqour you could find.

    Man: you Hoe’s can’t cook , that’s why y’all lonely. My mama knows how to cook blah blah blah

    – that’s cute. Your mama can cook but she’s never been married , doesn’t have a man and you still don’t know your real father . But some how cooking is suppose to stop single women from being lonely. Boy please.

    1. I think these are a list of things you find unattractive and would tell them. Not that you wouldn't tell them. I think the point is men have to check themselves against the list and be like, "wow I ain't even know I was doing that."

  5. Patia all these are spot on. Especially 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, and 10 for me.
    When I was out with a guy there was this seafood place where they have “real peanuts” in the shell and people can throw the shells on the floor. The dude was all bougie and didn’t want to go cause he didn’t like that they threw the shells on the floor. I told him the food there was really good. He still didn’t want to go to the restaurant. My ex was too high maintenance. He took longer than me to get ready to go out…..thats when I knew we had a serious problem. From then on I said never ever again.

    1. To be fair,

      Logans Roadhouse has the bomb commercial/jingle. But I get mad when I see them throw the shells on the floor in the commercial. Probably because I’ve worked in food and service.

  6. I don't get this whole ambition imbalance thing? Maybe I'm just naive, but I feel like its good to have something you're passionate about and once you find that thing, hopefully you can find someone who maybe shares that passion, or at least appreciates it. But having that passion be the reason for us not getting together? Wow.
    My recent post Visualizing Huffman Coding Trees

    1. Ambition and passion are two different things. Feeling strong about something (passion) is sexy depending on what that something is. However, throwing me under the bus in order to succeed (ambition), not so much. As extreme as that might sound, there is a time for work and a time for us and that balance is important.

  7. I agree with all 10, especially #1 and #6. It reallis crazy what a hat can do for men's appearance! I would only add:

    -Guys that laugh too hard at their own jokes, ESPECIALLY when they're not funny
    -Guys who brag about all the material things they have when they know good and well I don't give a damn! If I did, I wouldn't be dating them!
    -Guys who follow dating rules, don't call before 3 days after the 1st date, etc.
    -Guys with poor hygiene – i.e. long nails, dirty nails, dry lips, etc.
    My recent post 10 Lame Things Rappers Do

  8. Patia, Great posting!
    #9 is the truth…I thought I was the only one w/ a smell fetish 🙂
    I had to help my guy w/ that one…some dudes just don't know :-/

      1. Yes! Yes! and YES! I went on a date with this one guy and I kid you not, his clothes smelled like when you accidentally leave your clothes in the washing machine for about a week and it gets that sour smell…. but you try to "dry " the clothes anyway and wear them… (yeah I haven't done that either) I say all this the boy STANK (past tense) and it was not a good look (or smell)

  9. Inauthentic nice guy! Yes. Such a good word/description for it. Anyway, I think I agree with every single point. I think the common theme is 'balance.' I always hear guys say that women can't make up their minds. They want this, then they want that. What does that tell you? She doesn't want the polar of either, just a balance of both.

    I have one more that just is unattractive to me but I never say because I know it's at the heart of the male ego. But guys that try to overhype how 'masculine' they are and tell everyone else how to be 'manly.' I really can't. It drives me insane. I'm a slightly androgynous female. So conversely, I am attracted to slightly androgynous males. Of course, if I were to say something like that, they freak out and think I am trying to tell them to be femine which I really am not. There are just some traits certain men have that aren't necessarily 'masculine' that make him more appealing to me. For instance, I usually am not attracted to super buff guys. If anything, they are usually on the 'skinnier' or 'toned' side but I love it and prefer it. But I know this is individualized to me. Extremely feminine women are usually attracted to extremely masculine men so it all depends on the person.

    Ps. The scent thing is too real. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone on that one. I've been severely messed up in the head due to a great bodywash/cologne + dna combo. Tip: Never spray cologne just on clothes. Spray cologne on skin. It mixed with your own pheromones and creates a unique scent that only you have.

  10. wow, lol, funny
    what i cant stand is a man with a

    #jacked up mouth – this includes yellow stained teeth, funky breath (yes cigarette too), film on the tongue and crooked teeth. YUCK!

    #dirty finger nails, nope you are not touching me

    #unappealing body odor. if you smell good you are getting a huge "hello"

    and lastly, #bad conversation.

    1. nayonowen I totally feel u on the nails….I can't stand a man with dirty nails that tries to touch me …..eeewwwwwww….

  11. This entire post had me In Tears!!!!

    I died 2x @breath smells like Coffee and hard boiled eggs.

    Things that I turn me off:

    Dirty Fingernails

    Turnt Up and worn out Sneakers.

    Dingy Wife Beaters or Hanes Tees

    Stained/Yellowish Teeth

    No Fashion Sense — I'm not saying you have to dress like you just stepped out of a GQ magazine but Imma need you to be able to contain items in your wardrobe to reflect that you are aware that you're living in the 21st century.

  12. LMBO! Great list. I super co-sign 2 & 5…and someone's "bad conversation" and "dirty nails" mention. We 'd be heading nowhere fast!

    I'll add:

    Men over 25 that dress super young (ex. big baggy clothes)
    Men with fronts (yes, we still have a few stragglers)
    Men with a lazy, floppy walk
    Men who don't have a unique, special talent (something artsy, technical, etc.)
    Men with super flat butts…looks weird, lol

    1. Actually men under 27 don't dress like that (baggy clothes), so what you find is that the only people who still dress like they're in an NWA video are 30-50 year old men who are keeping it real. It's weird, but check it out next time.

      1. "…the only people who still dress like they're in an NWA video are 30-50 year old men who are keeping it real."


        …lemme call these fools now cause this is so THEM! Rejecting this metrochexual look so they can "keep it real"…real outdated, LMBO! SMH!

  13. very funny list!! #6 is so true, some men are like different people after they take off their fitted caps. that's why i don't make that decision of dating a man until i see him with the cap off. it may sound shallow, but i just couldn't continue to talk to a man who I'm not attracted to. :/

  14. Lurker/occasional poster here….

    Can’t stand a man that:
    -is passive
    -alternates his feelings on certain days
    -is afraid of confrontation and just won’t say point blank what he feels
    -is rushing to find a wife and loving me after WEEK 1
    -is dishonest
    -only wants to be my lover and not my friend
    -only has pictures of himself using the bathroom mirror method

  15. Things I find unattractive about men but WON'T TELL THEM (I put that in capital for emphasis, cause there are things I find unattractive that I WOULD TELL THEM)

    1. Overtly (verbally) sexual: too forward, and comes off as slimy. Nothing wrong with being sexual at all but keep it contained. Talk about other things too. (In addition: sexually selfish men in bed: I call them takers, they don't care to "give" as in please a woman sexually) Sex with them is NEVER good.

    2. Boisterous men: IMO, men should be composed, poised and elegant, with an air of mystery. Men should NEVER be loud.

    3. Terrible shoes (Bad taste in shoes): Just like you can tell a lot about a woman through her hands, you can tell a lot about a man with everything that pertains to his feet – This includes extremely unkept feet.

    4. Narcissistic men/High maintenance/Egoist (materialistically flamboyant) : I don't give these men any time of day. Think Harvey Specter from the TV show SUITS. That "my way or the high way" mentality – hell no!

    5. Cowards: Men who cannot go after what they want, be it a female, career etc. Men that are extremely complacent (and lazy) and would rather settle for second best or third best. Men who cannot say straight up what they want/need (or feel – not necessarily romantic emotions – just in terms of his own ideas and opinions) PUSHOVERS!

    6. Insecure men: They are the worst. Worse than insecure women.

    7. Men with inarticulate/illiterate sounding voice/speech: I know a really cultured guy who his voice sounds really uneducated, it's weird and highly ironic. Major turn off. Articulation matters. I've always felt like a person's voice represents their background, no matter how much "culture", you have acquired from experience. The best example for this is David Beckham, when he talks he turns people off.

    8. Men with certain female-attributed qualities like "excessive bitching" – I find it weird when men go on and on about people negatively. F*ck boys/big mouths/tell all – These men can't keep things to themselves.

    9. Small penis (below 6 inches)- I had to! lol!

    That's it, that's all!

  16. I agree with 2,3,4,7,8,9,10!!
    My add-ons are:
    1)Men who take things personally! I cant deal with men who get upset jsut cause i said his ivory suit reminds me of Az Yet, or want to retaliate with something serious when everything is just a joke! Just chill dude!!
    2)Men who make assumptions about me because of my profession- ok i partially blame TV for this one! Im a lawyer. Its not like Boston Legal, and no, I dont go to court *sees the shocked faces*. Not all lawyers go to court!! In arguments guys often say "this isnt court/ stop being like a prosecutor/ there is no judge here".??????????????. i really wonder what they would say if i were a stripper!!
    3)Men with no shoe game or general lack of style.
    4) Men with poor spelling- grammer i can forgive. Or sp3ll lyk di$.. #icant
    5) Mr know-it-all, linked back to number 2. I dont know everything,and there is no need to show me the answers lie within you.

  17. 6) Men that keep a long nail on their baby fingers. Buy toothpicks!! Its gross!!
    7) Men who cuss too much, it shows a lack of vocabulary and grooming.
    8) Men who dont read! Whether it is the newspaper, magazines (depends) or novels- read something. What you say and how you think is greatly influenced by your surroundings- see point 7.

    1. I'm a lawyer as well and I have to co-sign your entire list. I almost hate telling men I'm a lawyer because then I instantly become whatever it is he thinks about lawyers.

  18. Aww I missed this yesterday. I don't find it attractive when guys think the fact that they've had legal issues funny or interesting. When I was in high school, I gave my number to a dude from my church. First conversation was about him serving time in juvie and about his uncle being locked up. Maybe he thought I'd like a thug or something, I don't know but I wasn't impressed and never talked to him again. That whole hat thing is ridiculously hilarious! My friend told me the first time she got intimate with her man was the first time she had seen him without a hat on. She said she wanted to ask him to put it back on til they were through. Ooooooh that is just too funny. lol

  19. My comment containing my list wasn't posted….will it be posted? says it requires moderation. I must've sworn in it lol.

  20. 1. men who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom (whether it’s at my house, his house, in public….wash yo damn hands or don’t touch me)
    2. indecisive men
    3. men with messed up teeth and their self confidence is turnt all the way up
    4. cocky men
    5. liars

  21. oy! took the words right out of my mouth. #7 is the truth. I think the way a man cares for his health speaks volumes for how he'll be in a relationship.

    There were a couple of guys I dated where I had issues with their guy friends. One crew reminded me of the pack of wild hyenas from the Lion King *cringe*. The stuff they'd say and do when I was around made me fear for the things they did and said when women weren't around. So note to the guys: your friends are telling of who you are.

  22. As a female one of the things that some females find unattractive about a man is their lack of drive. IMAGINE THAT!! I’m not sure why this is so difficult for females to verbalize, but I do believe once they get this off their chest, they will feel a whole lot better. Additionally providing a man with this verbal affirmation will help to put things in perspective for the ones that are struggling and having a difficult time with being “A Dreamer” as oppose to “A Driver”. I don’t know what female strong willed ones included doesn’t want a man that knows what they want, how they would like to go about accomplishing it, and getting the ball rolling to get the job done. After all if a man doesn’t have what it takes to make his own dreams come true, then how can he make his leading lady’s dreams come true?

    JP http://www.therelationshipchronicles.com

  23. I find this whole intellectual thug thing that guys are tryna do super annoying. I guess it was the whole Steinger Bell thing, but I actually did not like his character in the wire so….

  24. I can't stand men that can't carry on a conversation. If all you have to say is variations of "yes" "I'm good" and "no" then we can't be together. If you're trying to get me to go out with me and have nothing to say beyond the original introduction then why bother? So frustrating!

    Beyond that, this whole list is pretty much on the money.

  25. Here is number 11. Men with an ungroomed mustache, example….. man you lets his mustache grow over his top lip as in curling over his top lip. Oh Gosh ! ! ! It is hard to kiss a guy with a mustache that smells like sour milk.

  26. I seen a comment on narcissistic men. Girl I am one of those men. You claim not to give us the time of day but at the end of the day I am worried about myself why I would waste my time talking to you when I have endless who will adore me? Come on now. Females out saying what they don't like. Shhhh nobody care apparently you have not met a real man. We do not care what you want, we may lie and all this and that but no we don't.

  27. Before read this post I've not much more knowledge about this kind of writing. That is most important to me as a young boy. But I think this concept is not only for me also for them who like to presentation their self smartly for a girl. But I think dress up is the most thought-able one issue to me. wonderful costume hats

  28. We can say that this is the competitive mankind, where everyone povertys to experience prosperity further a saintly sustenance criterion furthermore this is science homework help the think seniors are dedicated in additional than alone province adjacents studies.

  29. Ur a complete fuck tard. I hate can not stand retarded picky woman with a complete sense of I deserve this because simply I look like this. Fuck off and I am sure your shit dont stink.


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