Home Dating & Relationships Dating What’s the point of dating?

What’s the point of dating?

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Hey  Singleblackmale,
I have a question I need advice on. Well, I’m 22 years old and believe it or not I have never dated. I suppose I never tried that hard or the fact that I kept questioning its entire point to be honest. I really don’t see most of the point of dating just so you can get to know someone. I mean isn’t that the point of being friends so you can know someone? Maybe I’m just so frustrated with all the stuff you have to do for dating (keeping up with fashion, sacrificing the things I love just to fit in, talking, wearing, and doing things I don’t like, etc.) and the fact that even though I’m a nice guy I get stepped on a lot and taken advantage of. I kinda like your advice on this. Is it okay to never date at all or what?

What’s up man. Thanks for reaching out. I read your letter and have to admit that I was shocked for a minute. Twenty-two and never dated? At ALL?! Wow. Well no need to worry because we are here to help. I won’t give you a step by step booklet on “how” to date because that won’t benefit you. It will convolute an already over complicated process. Rather, I will address the key highlights of your letter and we can see if that makes things clearer for you.

I really don’t see most of the point of dating just so you can get to know someone. I mean isn’t that the point of being friends so you can know someone?

The short answer to this is yes and no. I can see why you would think this way. You figure that the method for attaining friendship differs from dating because the end goals are different. On the contrary they are very similar. When you vibe with another individual, share commonalities, appreciate your differences, and develop both a mutual respect and cameraderie, you are friends. Why wouldn’t you want these same characteristics with someone you date? I think that you are getting caught up in the “method” for developing the friendship as opposed to the friendship itself. I constantly acknowledge the blessings of friendship in my life. I also forgot where I first met 1/2 of the good friends in my life. You would think that’s foul, but it speaks to a bigger point. It didn’t matter how we met, it mattered that we did, we connected, and we are here now! If you meet a woman in the club, gym, grocery store, or wherever else, and you are interested in them, you would want to build with them on different levels if you want to date. Talking on the phone, texting, and hanging out all fall under the dating process. If it feels like the same way you become friends with someone, don’t be alarmed. I figure it’s smart to develop some type of friendship with the people you date anyway.

See Also:  How Much Does "Experience" Matter To You?

I’m just so frustrated with all the stuff you have to do for dating (keeping up with fashion, sacrificing the things i love just to fit in, talking, wearing, and doing things i don’t like, etc.)

I’m sorry, but this sounds more like torture than dating. The level of conformity that you express here is pretty extreme. It sounds cliche for me to tell you to “be yourself”, but that’s what you need to do. There is a thin line between upgrading and fronting. Think about a job interview, and all the preparation that it accompanies. You analyze the job description and match it to your strengths, prepare responses to commonly asked questions, wear the best clothing, and practice your interview etiquette. Why not attend the interview in basketball shorts and a wife beater? You won’t do that because you have to present yourself in the best light, make a good first impression, and frankly, you know better. You might feel “fake” because you’re not that person 24/7, but you do know that there is a time and place for everything. Dating is the same way. You want to be yourself, and put your best foot forward. If you buy new clothes, clean up, and make sure you don’t look like a fool in front of a potential love interest, that’s not changing, that’s smart! Be who you are, and not who you think women want you to be. Eventually, your true nature will be revealed and if it’s drastically different from what you presented, she will know and it’s a wrap. Honestly, if the women you want to date don’t like the real you, move on to the next one that will. Life is too short.

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…and the fact that even though i’m a nice guy I get stepped on alot and taken advantage of

Are you a nice guy or are you a pushover? We tend to intertwine the meaning of these two words in popular culture. I used to hate being described as a nice guy because to me that was code for sucker. I’d rather people say “he’s not a dick”, “he’s genuine” or even “he’s a good dude” before nice! If you let people walk all over you, they will. It’s pretty simple. That’s something that you need to handle internally. If you are just a good dude, continue to be that. Too many times good dudes try to play the role of a jerk and fail miserably. You can command respect without invoking fear or disdain in another individual, while retaining your true nature.

Is it okay to never date at all or what?

To me the core basics of dating reminds me of that book “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten“. For those that don’t date, this will help you out. For those that do, it’s a cool refresher. Don’t over complicate things because you will miss out on the joys of life and some opportunities to date cool people too.

See Also:  Being Cruel to be Kind

SBM Nation feel free to offer up your own advice! How can dating be this difficult? What differences (if any) are there between getting to know someone as friends vs. love interests? Any of your own stories to share?

 

 

 

Comment(71)

  1. Streets you did a good job answering with your explanations. Notably when you compared dating to a job interview, because that's pretty much what it boils down to. The position (shawty) is somewhat explained to you. Her job should be to explain her requirements to keep her happy, and its up to you to either comply or drop everything and run..lol Like all jobs though things will be different once you actually get the job, and at 22yrs of age that's really the learning curve.

    1. "The position (shawty) is somewhat explained to you. Her job should be to explain her requirements to keep her happy…"

      EXACTLY!! = )))

      Gosh! I thought I was the only one who thought that way (and like the guy in the post). Men are stronger than me so I store everything I can't do and then…..*looks for a man who can make this happen* When I spot a few I believe in I let them know the basics: wants and desires, level of upkeep and maintainence; I tell all the stuff they need to know and let 'em see some of me naturally, that way there's no confusion about the woman I am and will be after the fact — then I let the men decide.

      1. "Like all jobs though things will be different once you actually get the job."

        *Especially* for me. When we're together and set, because there's the level of safety and security and solidarity, I slowly settle into being a woman. I relax. sweet. feminine. beautiful. meek. The organic in-my-skin-ness has different needs and you have to be able to breathe with me. When I grow and develop you grow bigger and develop better. We change together.

      2. Sadly, My girlfriend and me broke up a month ago. yeah.. i'm young ,handsome,lonely and still hurting.i may be in need of someone to love..still..My friends told me about ===cougarkissing_ C0M=== and i got curious about it.. they met their girlfriends there.,It's the best place to meet a older girlfriend . i cant risk myself..So i got a usename(Qcdude) there in order to find a new girlfriend.is it wrong?Jessica Simpson is fighting the battle of the post-baby bulge, a process she says is slower than she expected.

    2. Sigh, if dating is like getting a job, then maybe I ought to be out like I stated in my question above. I have enough pressure on me as it is, and I don't want to add dating to it if its actually like a business/job interview. Its just not worth it. All this effort and such, only to be rejected numerous amounts of time is not worth it. Sigh, and dating is suppose to be fun, and yet now it feels like another stress to add to my life. Also, there is the potential of a person lying to you as well. One think I can't stand other than extreme drinks, druggies, and smokers are liars. I really hope the rest of these advices don't reinforce what I thought from the very beginning like this has.

      1. OH! You must be the guy in the post? Well, I kinda feel exactly how you do. To be completely realistic I don't think rejection ever lets up or simmers down or becomes acceptance. I think…it just gets lonely and you learn to stop expecting to connect with someone. But on the flipside, all these people advising you to just ride it out or get your feet wet experiencing different kinds of women will make it significantly less isolated. That's the reality of the matter. Taint your beliefs because when you're more akin to the vast majority of people it's easier to accept you. I can't say for sure that it's worth it in the end to abstain from dating. Even though I'm pretty much exactly with you on the drinking, smoking, druggies and liars. I wouldn't advise you to eliminate such people from your life or dating pool or to believe if you aren't one of those or a combo, that people will accept you. Stay yourself, maintain your beliefs, MAYBE you'll connect with some people once every few blue moons and be able to have fun. I doubt it. Sorry to sound so dismal about it. That's what I did and it sucks and it's lonely. just bein honest about the reality.

  2. Seems like part of the problem is that he’s going after the wrong women to date. It happens but you have to go after people who like you for you. For example he said its a headache trying to keep up with all the new fashion. If that’s how he feels he probably shouldn’t go for the fashionista with the 1500 $ bag and shoes that don’t come out until next spring.

    1. either that or its simply bad advice on what dating is. Yes you want to put your best foot forward, no you don't have to pop tags, tell her what she wants to hear, that's a very naive approach that's not dating thats just trying to smash something, your not showing the real you because you dont intend for her to be around long enough to see it
      My recent post Today’s Word is… INSECURITY

      1. You actually hit my next point. He never said what his end goal for dating is. He didn’t say he was say wheater he was dating to find a gf or was he just trying to build his team.

        It could help with the advice and how to manage his frustration. If he’s lookin for a girl then I can understand him filling used . If he’s just looking for some cut, then he’s just mad because he’s faking the funk and the women he dealt with are coming out with the upper hand.

        1. Basically, my goal of dating is just to get to know people and perhaps find a potential kinship that could lead to friendship and more with an attractive girl. I do believe that you have to be good friends with someone before you step forward and more in relationships.

      2. Nice article, and you make some valid points in there and in your comment. Its sometimes just hard for me to do that. I kinda had a hard time growing up with complete self esteem in myself. I know that is not excuse for this but, its one factor that has been holding me down.

    2. A Majority women in America are the "wrong women", so I can see how you would come to that conclusion. If 7 out of 10 women were like that, what do you expect?

  3. This guy in the post is refreshing. He feels….pure. like waterfall mist. Piecing together my thoughts on the whole 'that's what friends are for'/Streetz' explanation of what it means to be a friend….putting all of it into a gumbo cauldron and letting it come together:

    We're friends because we're connecting and I wanna allow the attachments to form and take root, and in that substantial bond, you knowing what a partnership would be like for us, anytime you wanna take it there we can. So, my friends are the creme de la creme of all men and *passes out applications to the eligible bachelors*. From my perspective, if we're friends, and you fill out the application, alls there is to do is talk initial investment, financing options, aftercare, domestic servitude, visions of the future, and any other stuff you wanna add to this. I learned in kindergarden men have supernatural power and I'm supposed to cleave to one when taken from my parents to become one flesh with him. I scoff at dating. It's girlfriend auditioning. and being a girlfriend is 9.9 out of 10 times, an absolute dead end. *I* am not a dead end. I'm an eternal explosion of epiphany.

    1. definitely sounds like dating is a business arrangement again. sigh. I wonder when things began to become so complicated and screwed up that you can't even just date for fun and not for deceptive and/or other reasons unintentionally?

      1. I don't personally find it necessary to enjoy myself with another person because of my emotional response to enjoying someone's company. Enjoying MY company is completely temporary. Ifgetting involved with me sounds like a business arrangement, even better for me. Business is black and white. Finite. Logic and reasoning. The only thing I need to know about a man is that he can provide for me in accordance to my line of ambition. I don't need to date you. I know that within seconds, minutes. Dating would be for a man to get to know me. I find it to be a nuisance because I already know he won't like what he gets. Not only that, men don't truly care who a woman is. A woman is a body that doubles as a servant. You don't need to date me. You don't need to beat around the bush. You don't need to figure out if I'm the one. I'm transparent with everything. Take me or leave me. Doesn't require we waste any time or potentially develop a false emotional attachment to one another. I don't find heartbreak and dissapointment fun. That is a simple concept.

  4. I'm young and can probably count on one hand how many "dates" I have been on. As I get older, I will realize the interview process may entail a "date". 2012 and under 30, dating or the interview process happens during pillow talk, the restaraunt after the bar/club, texting, and the kickin it at the crib before that action happens. So its not hard to imagine 22 and never been on a date. "Dates" in my 26 year old mind is what use to happen on 90's sitcom's or for those 30+ gentlemen out there. I can't remember the last time I have been interviewed for a position and required to take the shawty out.

    1. Or maybe you’ve dated some women with low standards. Geesh. A date is a must for a relationship IMO. I’ve been on many dates and I’m a 25 yr old woman. I don’t think it’s an age thing. A date doesn’t have to be something like dinner and a movie. It can just be hanging out. How else do you get to know each other?

        1. People make time for what is important to them. If the goal is to go out on dates with some one the person will find the time.

        2. Tristan, I agree that the modern woman is busy. However, futuresatellite is right. I'm not going to bother dealing with a guy if all he does is text or want to hang out with me after the bar / club. Maybe that was cute when I was younger, but I'm older and wiser now.

          Listen to Hi-Tek featuring Dion and Little Brother's "Step Ya Game Up".
          My recent post Little River Band – Reminiscing

    2. I don’t think it’s all low standards. Some of it is just a generational thing. I’m turning 22 and hardly hear my peers use the term dating. They say we’re talking or fu*cking, or that’s my gf/bf. so that whole notion of dating is going to be a bit foreign to them. I mean Im assuming a majority of the readers in here are in the mid- late 20’s and 30’s. There was a different set of dating ediqutee that was pass down to your generation that ours didn’t get to a little later in the game. I feel like some guys think dating ( taking a girl out) is something you do after you make a young lady your girlfriend not something you do in the process of getting to know her. I can see where @ Texas made is coming from . Of course as women get older ( graduate college) and wiser and realize how they want to be treated going out on dates is the standard and not an option.

      1. yeah, I agree. Which is probably one reason why I don't identify with the way people are meeting and dating now, and by the time they do figure out what they want, I think I would feel as if they are going after the rung of a latter or something when they try to date someone like me. Which restates my previous state in the question/topic above in that dating just seems to be unfair and not worth it in my opinion. There is more negativity for us males like me than positives. Sigh

    3. Another reinforcement on why I think dating is pointless now. I mean if chivarly and datings purity is completely gone, whats the point? i'm not looking for a girl to have sex with so she could potential ensnare me in a trap with something like pregnancy and etc. I'm looking for my other half, and if I can't find her with something as simple as dating, then whats the point of looking. Might as well just be single and miserable the rest of my life if I keep getting the same answers. sigh.

  5. Yeah good job Bro. The two points I agree with are treating dating like a job interview. You must put your best foot forward to attract what you want, but also keep it 100 at all times. You can be real, but also make sure the outward is on point too (good hygiene, neat clothes, and etc.). I also like the point you made about being labeled a nice guy. You should never change who you are. If you are genuinely a good person, continue that, but remember there is a time/place where you may need to put your foot down to let a potential woman know you can't be walked over. Never be afraid to disagree and express how you feel at all times. Last, dating should be fun. Don't overthink things and just roll with it.

    1. Its kinda hard for me do that when I've raised myself to think about everything (plus, its kinda what i have to do for my major and future career). Also, I agree with not being pushed around by a woman. I intend to never let anyone take advantage of me if I commit and/or date. I've seen it happen to my friends and seen what its done to them. I intend not to let it happen to me. But the clothes and such, I don't know about that. I mean I understand about the neat clothes but keeping up with fashion just isn't me. Also, I agree with dating should be fun, but when you say treat it like a job interview, it makes me think about treating it like its looking for a job and maintaining it. Sigh, dating just seems like more and more work to me than being fun, and the results I usually see from it lately seem to be less rewarding as the years go by

        1. — actually, now that I think about it. It's either work to be socially acceptable to the vast majority of women or it's work to find one woman to keep her happy; so, maybe you should just abstain from dating, just have really cool friends, and focus on your career. I'm sure a woman will come along later in life and blow your mind.

  6. I can kinda identify here. I am a horrible dater. I can only spend time with folks that I generally like. Looks aren't enough. So, before we go out, we had to have developed some kind of rapport (talked on the phone, knew each other from someplace, etc.). And if I'm chatting with multiple guys over the phone, I hone in on the one I like the most and leave the others as options that I still chat with from time to time. I don't really date-date (hang out with) multiple people at once.

    On one hand, it's been a help cause I've only had serious, respectable dealings with men. On the other hand, it has hurt me cause most of my relationships were with similar men…so it took me a long time to really encounter different personality types.

    1. "What differences (if any) are there between getting to know someone as friends vs. love interests?"

      Actually, I think these dealings start the same but end differently. For instance, you're being friendly. Then, you start having romantic thoughts…and this shift just happens. Your gaze is different. Your responses and behavior becomes a bit flirty. You're "get to know" questions show care and concern…and your responses show a bit of your softer/open side. But, if you're being friendly and nothing romantic comes to mind…nothing you feel pressed to investigate, then you stay on the "friends" path.

    2. Sigh, rules and signs like these are really just too much of a hassle to keep in mind, and makes dating seem like playing strategy game. I've had enough strategic thinking with my major and with other aspects of life that I don't need it in my personal one that much. Which is one reason why with many situations and such, I tend to play the naive friend role to keep from letting any feelings out and such. Think maybe if I do get involved with anyone in the future, i'll let them come out into the open first. Still, you guys make some valid points and truths, but for me, the whole concept of dating is actually a nightmare and a headache rolled into one

  7. My approach to dating is very non committal, I'm doing something I want to do anyway and bringing you along. Its probably why for me also the line between friends/dating gets blurred. I've even had the are we friends or dating discussion before and I didn't know how to answer her. To me I saw no difference, we enjoyed each other's company, had nice conversation why does everything have to be labeled; to her there were clear separate paths and she needed to know which one she was on.
    Using the interview analogy, she didn't know whether she was interviewing for a position or simply leaving her resume on file, even though they are still the same thing in my eyes. Idk, I'm rambling.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… INSECURITY

    1. “she didn’t know whether she was interviewing for a position or simply leaving her resume on file”

      And this is exactly why PEOPLE need to carry/send out multiple resumes…..

      I feel the reason why some people find dating a difficult process is because often times people go on dates with “this is my future MR or MRS” mentality in the forefront of their mind and when it doesn’t pan out that way they fall to pieces..

      Dating is suppose to be about getting to know a person, who they are what they are like (their personalities/characteristics, etc.) through interacting with them. Not every person you meet is YOUR FUTURE WIFE OR HUSBAND..

      Relax!!!!

      1. "I'm doing something I want to do anyway and bringing you along. Its probably why for me also the line between friends/dating gets blurred. I've even had the are we friends or dating discussion before and I didn't know how to answer her."

        And There^^^^^^ LIES the SWINDLE!!!! *smh*

        BOY You Good..

        .

  8. I feel like this was sent in by a 22 year old male. In the grand scheme of things he's perfectly fine in his development. He just left college, he's probably never really seen dating as it appears to us later in our twenties. The most a date consisted of in college was maybe the movies and a trip to Olive Garden, while that may still be what goes on in some of our relationships today, homeboy has a lot to experience. He's ahead of the curve in reaching out for advice, I think he'll do perfectly fine just by living. Up until this point, what has been the point of dating? To lock a shorty down so no one else on campus would bang her but you. You realize later in life women aren't looking for you to keep up the courting process like in college where the relationship is idle and not moving towards anything more than a commitment of exclusivity.

    My opinion, homeboy is 22. I would look him in the eye and be like, "you'll be fine homie, life just begun. Take your time and keep your heart… for now."

    1. I agree Doc J….This young boi doesn't need to get caught up in what society, or his friends and fam think he should or shouldn't do. My advice to him would be to do exactly what he wants to do, and don't do what he doesn't want to do. He's still young and has time to grow, mature, and figure out what he wants and doesn't want. To each his own. If he doesn't feel he wants to date and there is no point in dating for him, then he shouldn't date. He can just have female friends or whatever that he hangs out with. Or maybe his time and focus is on his career and maybe grad school and he doesn't have the time or desire to date right now. Either way it's all good.
      Only other advice I would offer is to be completely honest with women that he meets that like him and want to date him. Let them know the deal from the door. Let them know your not in a commitment stage in your life right now so they don't feel like their time was wasted.

      1. Stop telling him to be straight up and honest, that just gets you pushed aside. If you really want to start dealing with women, it pays more to be cool and multi-faceted, than being the emotional beat down guy trying to talk about his feelings. You can't really do that with a chick until after you know she's not going to leave. Only a bum puts all his cards on the table, then the ball isn't in your court anymore.

        1. See its rules and stuff like that, that really frustrates me and makes me question this whole dating game. I mean, I'm not perfect at those things and yes I need to work on it, but going through all this training and hiding feelings and stuff for a date is kinda headache for me. I don't tell everybody whats bothering me though. I stopped that years ago (even with my own parents and relatives) so I don't need to worry about being an overly senstive guy. Its just getting my foot in the door and actually getting someone to say hi ans more is the problem.

      2. Thanks guys and I appreciate it, Sometimes though I feel old in a young adults body though because according to my old and few recent friends, they say i'm pretty wise for my age. I sometimes talk with them about their problems and can come up with something good (ironcially, they are not willing to do the same but thats another story). Trouble is, I can never tell if girls like me or whatever. Even my parents say some girls are looking at me but I can't see it. But I really don't know what to do. right now, I think just want to finish school and get a good job at the least but I want to have at least one good semester before I go this december and its actually becoming worse when I see even my own friends getting more attention than me

    2. Thanks, I appreciate it. But its kinda hard to remember that when you see everyone on campus hooking up, holding hands, and etc. Maybe I'm just too impatient but I just want a normal life in a sense like everyone else instead of feeling like an outcast like I did when I was younger. I kinda wanna live a little but not do anything wrong like drink, do drugs, and/or have premartial sex in college (cause it messed my dad up and it messed one of my older brothers up). I just kinda wanna make alot of friends and date a little, but it seems with each year I get older it becomes harder. But like you said, I'm still young, maybe its just a matter of time. Still, I think maybe I should consider now the worst case scenario for future reference and be able to prepare for it

      1. hey man, when i tell you i’ve been there…i’ve been there.

        i barely get dates for a long time…

        and i don’t want to jade you…but i can’t tell you it gets better. yet.

        BUT…

        at the same time, be yourself. live your life. the most important person in your life, needs to be you. when you find a lady you’re interested in, invite her to your world. she what she offers to make your life…somewhat better.

        if you like what you see,and you’re smitten, go forward.

        i can’t tell you this helped me…but i think this might help you.

        stay up kid.

  9. Excellent feedback.

    I think you date to see who you are potentially compatible with romantically but also to subtly make friends. By this I mean that friends are a by product of meeting people. You aren't doing it on purpose but it is one of the results.

    As you get older people start the nonsense of "I have enough friends" and then try to change the game up which is dumb to me.
    My recent post Murci, Murci Me

    1. yeah i think you are right with that part. right now, i guess the main thing i want are alot of friends who are both male and female, but its not really happening for me. And this is suppose to be the best years of my life in school when in my mind and reality, I feel its the worst years of my whole life

  10. I'm really not surprised at hearing a 22 year old male thats never been on a date. It's quite common. Granted, that's usually because young guys typically, as someone mentioned, either are 'just talking' or hooking up. It's similar to hearing all these young women who say they are in a relationship but have never been on a date. Baffling. But I don't think that's the case here.

    I will say, I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with not dating. I have a friend who as taken the 'courtship' route related to religious beliefs. She explained the 'terms' and yea it was very different for me, but I respect it. I have no doubt that her path could lead to a very happy marriage. So I honestly don't think 'dating' has to be everyone's way.

    But I do gather that, regardless of what you are looking for, you likely should work on being more assertive and confident in yourself. If you have to change all those things for a female, she is not the one. If you aren't feeling 'dating' right now then don't feel obligated. I have a male friend right now. We became friends because we are both in process of applying to med school and literally have no time, but still have a common interest/goal. We are just friends, nothing more. So it can be done.

    Good luck and kudos for reaching out. As someone said, you are already above the pack for that.

    1. Yeah, I think that is one of my main problems since I was a kid. Then again, I grew in kinda of a dysfunctional household, and always kinda felt like the mistake child instead of a prodigy like my older brother even though they say they don't think of me that way. But what are some ways to actually boost my assertiveness and confidence if you don't mind me asking? I mean its not as bad as when I was little but I still have self doubt in myself from time to time. Also, I'm relieved to hear i'm not a freak for not ever being on a date, a virgin, and more. i kinda did feel like an outcast for a while. Also, because of my major (computer science) and interests, there hardly any girls that are not involved in my field.

      1. Those women are out there. I've always been a nerd. All my mom had to tell me in high school was that a boy could potentially mess up my high school academic career if I got too distracted. That's all it took for me to not date in high school; didn't matter who asked. All the guys in my family were thrilled. Ha. Somewhere in there I decided I'd wait until marriage and figure out my life from there. That's how it's been ever since. All my friends know and respect me and I equally respect there decision since I see no wrong in what they do either. I handle dating like anyone else. I am pretty upfront with guys towards the beginning of the dating process since I know that could be a huge deal-breaker for some guys.

        You aren't a freak. You find the right girl, and she'll admire you for it. But continue interacting with females the way you have been. You'll start to get a feel for the types of females that have the traits you are looking for. Think about the environments you are in. The Starbucks near my campus almost always packed and filled with pretty cool people. And a fairly easy environment to strike up conversation without it being too awkward and random.

        You're still young though. I think you'll fair out just fine.

  11. Just ask them out to coffee…take baby steps.

    My Advice:
    BE real…if she can't be real drop her.
    STAY smelling good (i.e Male Body Wash or Spray)
    KEEP breath and teeth good
    I think the way you dress is optional…It REALLY weeds out people. LOL
    BE YOURSELF. Period.
    there are too many ladies…trust you will find yours.

    1. Well, I hope so. I kinda do those things alot and yet still nothing. Sigh. But how do I do that? Someone said I can't just randomly go up and say hi and start a conversation when I'm in the college environment. Just with all these rules and what not, its just so confusing. And adding on to the fact that i'm a shadow of my own brothers and my father really adds the pressure and stress on. Still, I try to be myself and to be a nice guy when I can, and i've barely even got some people to say hi. I really don't know what to do now these days and I'm tempted to just give it up soon

      1. Make your own rules…
        How about talking to the ladies in ur classes…nothing HUGE just practice.

        Find things that you have in common with them.

        Make up conversation (about bad service, bad teacher, bad loans, etc.)

        Woman are easy as long as your real meaning no hidden agenda.

        Either easy you'll make a friend or date.
        *It just takes time…don't rush it.*
        I didn't date til around your age and at 31 finally my first real BF.
        Be patient & Good Luck 🙂

  12. Women can say stuff like "i don't like playing games" but men can't. We do the hunting and they are the prey. If lions could talk you wouldn't meet one that says "damn do i have to really stalk my prey for days?" because that's how the game is played. You gotta play these mind games, be one step ahead and beat these women at the game of cat and mouse if you really want to get the girl you want. Otherwise you'll be one of them simps taking the women who want you, instead of you choosing.

    What you need to do is get comfortable being out in the field, you're using excuses to avoid working on your own weaknesses as a man. Get a team of dudes who know a bunch of females, and then learn how to have a conversation and interact.

    1. Perhaps I am making some excuses. I've been thinking i've done that for a while. Also, that is a good advice. However, finding guys like that is another challenge in itself. Plus, I know how to interact with girls. Its just with everyone telling me that I can't just walk up and say hi or that I have to follow certain rules to talk to girls is the problem. Plus, in my field in college, THERE ARE HARDLY NO GIRLS IN IT. Its computer science after all.

  13. the point of dating is to fine tune your wants/desires in your ideal mate. you dont want to marry or get a woman pregnant and not be compatible. you will be stuck for the rest of your life being miserable and full of regrets.

    1. absolutely with you on that. I already saw the ramifications of those actions through my older brother and my father. its just trying to get into the game is the problem. I'm just so frustrated all the time with failing 100% of the time at my school and the fact that I don't party, do drugs or alcohol or go to sporting events and etc. is probably not helping as well.

      1. What about different clubs or charity organizations within the school? That might be a good way to socialize with people that aren't into the party scene (…or at least it's not all they're into). Also, it's cool that you don't drink – but that doesn't mean you can't go to the school pub and hang out with friends/meet other people….shoot pool etc. etc.

  14. I started reading this & I thought it was me! I'm 22 years old & have issues with never dating. I was just like 'did I send an email I don't remember?' lol you're not alone out here…I'm in the same boat.

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