As some of you know, I occasionally pen posts for BadOnlineDates.com’s Male Point of View. This week, I was asked to provide the male perspective on sleeping with a married woman. I could of made this a moral debate, but is that really necessary? I assume we all know cheating is wrong; yet, 10 – 25% of men and women admit to cheating on their spouse. Mind you, these numbers only include men and women that admit to cheating. It’s very possible the numbers are double that amount considering infidelity is the number one cause of divorce. I’ve written on this subject a number of times from a brief post highlighting the age and professions of men most likely to cheat, to the infamous Let Your Man Cheat, which received such a strong backlash, I later had to defend it on the Tom Joyner Morning Show (assuming this link still works).
I’m practical. I know cheating happens. I’ve done it. I’ve had it done to me. While I have outgrown cheating myself, I can only hope I one day find a woman who feels the same way or at least has the “brass” (shout-out to Bill Clinton) to tell me she’s considering cheating before instead of seeking forgiveness after the fact. Only time will tell. Forever is a long time. Without further adieu, an excerpt from BadOnlineDates, A Man’s POV: I’m Having Sex with a Married Woman.
I feel that I should open this post with an obligatory and painfully obvious statement of fact:
Cheating is wrong.
I know cheating is wrong. You know cheating is wrong. It is safe to assume that every adult in the world knows cheating is wrong. However, because infidelity is the top reason cited behind the 50% divorce rate in America (followed closely by financial reasons); AshleyMadison.com, a website among many others that is dedicated to sponsoring adulterous relationships, has over 400,000 members and counting with extramarital dating largely dictated by women; and many of you reading this very sentence have cheated or have been cheated on by a significant other or spouse; it is also safe to assume that just because cheating is wrong, does not mean that cheating does not occur. I would love to stand (or write) before you today as a moralistic beacon of hope and integrity and say that I have never been a cheater, cheatee or the third leg in a tripod love triangle. But, that would be a lie. At some point in my life, I’ve been all three. Although for today’s purposes, I’ve only been asked to write about being the “other man” to a married woman.
I won’t belittle you with excuses for my actions. There really aren’t any good excuses to offer. When I was younger, I thought I had no obligation in the matter. I wasn’t the one that made a commitment to a spouse. I assumed I was just some guy at the right place, at the right time, with a wronged woman. You see, I’ve never pursued a married woman. I haven’t always turned down the advances of one either. Two wrongs don’t make a right and in this case, I was part of the wrong.
This isn’t to say I seek out married women to date. To the best of my knowledge, the number is relatively low. Although there have been times where I had my suspicions. I noticed that our phone calls usually occurred during prime working hours, like 7am to 5pm before eventually transitioning to text messages in the evening or deafening silence. Other times she might direct us to meet in non-public locations outside the observation of most locals. Some dates were cut short after hushed phone conversations. Remnants of invisible children whose names and ages were never volunteered adorned her backseats in the form of ghostly abandoned child seats, toys, and clothes. I’m not a detective, but I’m also not an idiot.
With a 50% divorce rate, largely attributed to infidelity, obviously married people are cheating with people in the general public. In fact, many married people cheat with more than one someone in the general public, so clearly someone is entertaining the advances of these married people. What is your opinion on infidelity? Where do you draw the line – emotional/physical? Have you ever been the “other” man/woman? Have you ever had to deal with your wife/husband cheating? Did you forgive and forget, forgive but never forget, or not forgive and divorce?