Cuffin’ Season Tips: 5 Ways To Know Your Situation Is Not Exclusive
Often times people find themselves in situations without having figured out all the details. It’s almost like when people accept a job just to have a job without asking all the questions that you need to know in order to determine if you’d actually like to be an employee of that company. Well, I typically tell people that once you’ve lost Pride Rock, you’ve lost Pride Rock. What this means is that it is almost impossible to get any liberties back in your relationship after you compromise yourself. No shots, but it’s like those women who are having sex with you for a year before they decide, “they want to get back right with God and will remain celibate until marriage.”
In my J. Anthony Brown voice, “AnyWAY…”
This week, a couple of us were discussing this; Is it “sex” and then “where is this going?” or Is it “where is this going?” and then “sex”? This was definitely a point of contention amongst men and women because while many people will say publicly, you shouldn’t hop into the sack without knowing where it’s going, they also said that sex could be a deal breaker in their relationship. That led us to this problem, “where is this going?” isn’t really allowed during Cuffin’ Season. And with that said, how do figure out if your situation is exclusive or not? Here are five signs that your situation isn’t exclusive…
You haven’t met anyone important in their life
I’m not saying you should have exchanged numbers with their mama, but you should at least have met a few friends if the opportunity was available. If they mention that they’re going to meet up with their friends, but at no point do they ever consider inviting you, it’s a clear sign that they’re really not trying to be exclusive with you. Take it from me, real friends will hold you accountable for bringing a different person to dinner each time. Most people will save themselves the trouble and just never include their Cuff on any outings where the crew may be involved.
There is no acknowledgement of any important dates
If neither of you, scratch that, if both of you don’t have a remote idea of how long you’ve been seeing each other or when you met, it’s not exclusive. If there is no expectation that you will at least see each other on your birthday, regardless of the fact that your relationship might not be at the point of meeting each other’s entire network, it’s not exclusive. If holidays are never discussed, even the ones that don’t involve gifts, it’s not exclusive.
They disappear for long periods of time
Last week, I talked about text etiquette and how you must remain consistent to ward off questions. Well, if it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that when someone disappears for a long period of time with no real tangible explanation, they’re up to something. But let’s say they’re not up to something, who would do that to someone they’re in an exclusive relationship with? Wouldn’t it bother you if you went missing and nobody came looking for you? For that very reason, exclusivity means no disappearing acts.
1You are never a priority
This isn’t bad advice; people make time for what they want to make time for. That’s really good advice. It took me a long time to be able to come to grips with explaining to someone, “Yeah, I would prefer to make this a priority over you. Sorry.” However, in addition to never seeming to be their first idea of a great night; lateness or cancellations because of emergencies are also an example that you’re not a priority. We’ve all heard of the “something just came up” girl; that girl or that guy is just not at all interested in an exclusive relationship.
If you’ve never had that conversation, it’s because there is no reason to have the conversation. Two people who aren’t trying to be exclusive avoid that conversation like the plague. Any sign of the conversation occurring is met with an extensive evacuation plan. Lord Jesus help us if the question is posed by others when you guys are out. Forget all that, let me tell you why the lack of the conversation is a strong indication. Nobody let’s anything walk out of their life that they intend on keeping. I can’t tell you how many men I know who have decided to cut the crap and settle down with a woman because they didn’t want to lose her. Or how many women have decided to cut the single, sexy, free routine because a good man was going to leave. Women and men are like buses, as soon as one is leaving another is coming. But, good women and men… come only a few times in a life time.
Now I’m not saying that your situation this cuffin’ season needs to be exclusive. “We have an arrangement” has gotten many guys through when brothers did not have. Many times these situations work just fine as long as the other person is a first priority. There are even times when, “I’ll see you when I see you” works great for people too. However, if you’re in the situation and you’re under the assumption that it’s exclusive and it’s not, it’s a total blower to find out it’s not.
My last piece of advice, make sure you know whether you want the situation to be exclusive or not before you ask. Plenty of us have all been guilty of asking, “where is this going?” when in reality we weren’t ready for an exclusive arrangement ourselves.
Chair throwing on Fridays? Why… not?
– Dr. J